Apple-Obsessed Author Fella

Stuff And Things And Things And Stuff

Obligatory THE LIFE OF THE WENDIGO post incoming.

Alert your state government. Hide your sisters.

The Penmonkey’s Revenge

You may have noticed that —

Drum roll please.

REVENGE OF THE PENMONKEY is now on sale. For $2.99, you get a boatload of writing advice and penmonkey satire. In addition, you get a 10k “memoir” by yours truly about the life of a writer and the lessons learned, and you also get a brand spanking new Writer’s Prayer (“Time to load the guns, brew the ink, and go to work. Because I am a writer, and I am done fucking around.”) Further, if you procure this week, I’ll toss you a free copy of 250 THINGS YOU SHOULD KNOW ABOUT WRITING. These e-books are how I finance the existence of terribleminds, so in advance I thank you for procuring a copy and spreading the word. Your procurement options are as follows:

Kindle (US): Buy Here

Kindle (UK): Buy Here

Nook: Buy Here

Or, buy the PDF ($2.99) by clicking the BUY NOW button:

Speaking Of Penmonkeys

Jay-zeus, that was fast.

COAFPM is now up to 307 sales sold since I started the Incitement Program.

That means it’s time to give away another t-shirt and postcard.

I will pick both tomorrow morning in the comment section of this post.

Look for it!

Holy Shit, New Double Dead Cover

You click that cover, you’ll be taken to the artist’s site — the cover is by the inimitable PYE PARR. From there you can make with the clicky-clicky to see a larger version and a version without the text.

In other words: fucking awesome.

That cover makes me want to jump out of my chair and run around town draining ladies left and right with my pointy teeth. All I have to say is, this November, Coburn is coming.

Pre-order, if you’re so inclined.

The Little Human Now Laughs

On Sunday night, my three-month-old son laughed for the first time.

I mean, he’s laughed before, but it’s kind of been this gasping squeak. But last night was a bonafide giggle, all because his mother was bouncing him around on her knee. HOLY SHIT did he love it. I’ve got video of it I’ll have to cut up and post at some point — he was in some state of unbridled baby bliss. And now I know the truth: his laughter is like heroin, and here we are, ever-chasing that high. Probably from today until we perish. We will always be chasing that dragon, and all the laughs hence will not be as delightful as that first, most primal, laugh. The cross that parents must bear is becoming all the clearer.

It was so adorable, though, my teeth rotted out of my head and my body stopped producing insulin.


Been a while since I did a proper food post, yeah? I’ll have to get back on that. Anybody got any recipes to share? I could use to play with new recipes, so whatever you’ve got, toss at me.

I’ll tell you one thing that gets me by some lunches:

Flour tortillas.

Take one of those and it’s suddenly like you’re motherfucking Lunchtime Picasso. You can try anything in those things. I just grab all kinds of crap from my fridge and chuck it in there. Boom. Lunchalicious.

Here’s two things I’m fond of:

First, take an avocado. Slice it up. Layer a bit of cottage cheese over a flour tortilla. Lay the avocado on top. Salt the avocado. Spritz it with a quarter-lime. Dash of hot sauce. Grate cheese if you have any, and if you have turkey, you can laythat on there, too. Roll up. Shove into face until you are moaning in delight.

Second, chop up any fresh veggies you got laying around. My most recent concoction was summer squash, green beans, bell pepper, and onion. Saute in olive oil — get the onion and bell pepper soft, first. Then the rest of your veggies go into the ring. Salt, pepper, any herbs you have — I totally recommend fresh basil in there. Though, add the basil late, or it can lose some of its phatty garden-fresh flava. (Phresh? Phlava? I dunno. Shut up.) Then take that and shove it into a flour tortilla, and cram that into your food-hole. Bonus points: add in some Gochujang sauce in there.

Have you had this stuff? I am a Sriracha fan, but I think I like this more. Korean. Fermented soy. Has a stronger flavor beyond just heat — though it has that crucial zing, too. Great on, well, anything. Anything. A hot dog? A hamburger? A taco? A stir-fry? My creamy inner thighs? All of the above.

Anyway. There you go.


G+ continues to be a curious experiment. On the one hand, it’s fairly slow — a tepid flow of “social media updates.” Sometimes the feeds from my circles feels downright inert. Stagnant water sitting.

But I’m starting to see that as a feature, not a bug. Because when someone does drop something into the ecosystem, it generates a lot of activity and discussion. Like, in a forum, you wouldn’t want endless topics being added so fast you can’t keep up with them, right? You’d want a measured pace with lots of activity in the forums, not outside.

This is that, I think. And it continues to confirm for me just what Goo-Plus is good at:

Conversation and discussion.

It’s not all there, yet. This pie is only half-baked. Even still, you get the sense that the LORDS OF GOOGLE might have more in store. Only time will tell. What’s everybody else think?

The Sub-Genre Tango

Flash fiction! With a prize! Of an edit! Of up to 3000 words!

I’m ready to declare a winner: Josh Loomis. If only because of his use of the phrase “taco-hole.”

Josh, contact me. Getchoo set up with an edit from yours truly, sir.

Upcoming Projects

I think you know about most of what I got cooking.

Did you hear that I’m writing a novel based on the SPIRIT OF THE CENTURY RPG under the vigilant gaze of Evil Hat’s Fred Hicks? It’s true! I’m very excited about this. Pulp-tastic heroic awesomeness.

Amy Houser is also working on a cover for my first Atlanta Burns novella, SHOTGUN GRAVY. Soon as she’s done with that the e-book will go live. I’ve got all four novellas outlined.

Got the first draft of my YA-ish corn-punk novel POPCORN back from the agent. Going through it now, picking nits, combing knots, hacking off limbs left and right. Fingers crossed.

I’ve got other irons in the fire, see if some of them won’t get hotty-burny-melty soon enough.

How about you people? Whatchoo got going on? How’s your writing going? Share and share alike.