Revenge Of The Penmonkey: Now Available

Borne on the back of a galloping hell-pony, carried in the satchel of a certified inkslinger, I give you:


A mere $2.99.

Your procurement options are as follows:

Kindle (US): Buy Here

Kindle (UK): Buy Here

Nook: Buy Here

Or, buy the PDF ($2.99) by clicking the BUY NOW button:

Be advised: I sell the PDF through Paypal. I’ll send you the e-book directly via email after you purchase: generally speaking, you will receive the file within an hour of purchase. But sometimes Paypal mysteriously delays alerting me, or something I’m asleep (like, say, if you order the book at midnight EST).

Just to be safe, I’ll say that you will receive the file within 12 hours of ordering.

Though again, that’s an extreme case.

Now that we’ve gotten that out of the way…

What’s In The Book?

REVENGE OF THE PENMONKEY is another collection of essays and articles ripped from the, erm, “pages” of this blog right here. It features 30 such essays, including but not limited to:

“Beware Of Writer II”

“How To Tell If You’re A Writer”

“How To Jumpstart A Stalled Novel”

“Panster Versus Plotter”

“Six Signs You’re Not Ready To Be A Professional Writer”

“Why Writers Drink”

“Word-Karate: On Writing Action Scenes”

“Writers Should Be Motherfucking Rock Stars”

“Your Self-Published Book May Suck A Bag of Dicks”

The book tackles self-publishing, freelance writing, story architecture, action scenes, and overall casts an unblinking eye at the insane-yet-delightful existence of the Average Everyday Penmonkey.

Original Content!

The book features 70,000 words of delicious fatty mind-meat material, but some of that material is brand spankin’ new. The book features a new 10,000 word “introduction” (True Confessions Of A Freelance Penmonkey”) which talks about my life and the lessons I’ve learned about writing along the way. It features stories of crashed vans, strap-on dildos, shit-shooting, college sex, Yukon Jack, and gunshot wounds.

Some essays also receive postscript commentary where appropriate. Talking about general fan response or adding clarification. Noodling my own Devil’s advocacy. And so forth.

The book also has another 20+ Questions appendix in which I answer questions put forth by You Crazy Humans Of The Internet. I answer questions about project management, writing goals, fatherhood, Disney princesses, and ketchup. This is riveting shit. It will blow your mind out the back of your head so hard, it shall kill whoever is standing behind you. So don’t read it in a bank line.

Finally, the book also gets a brand new writer’s prayer: The Inkslinger’s Invocation.


First week promotion:

If you buy REVENGE OF THE PENMONKEY between now and the close of Tuesday, September 13th, I will toss you a free PDF copy of 250 THINGS YOU SHOULD KNOW ABOUT WRITING.

If you procure ROTPM via PDF through me, I will send you 250 THINGS automatically.

If you procure ROTPM via Amazon or B&N, you will need to email me proof of your purchase to: terribleminds at gmail dot com. I will then send you 250 THINGS.

Still not convinced to buy?

This Is How I Finance Terribleminds

Over the last year, maintaining this website has become a little more cost intensive: quite seriously and without trying to brag (though, I gotta brag a little), the visits to this blog have gone through the roof over the last six months. That means I’ve had to push this site to one of the more expensive hosting plans just to keep it from springing leaks and to keep my host from quietly drowning terribleminds in a toilet.

Further, my time has become even more premium with the birth of Der Wendigspawn, “B-Dub The Magnificent, Diminutive Dictator And Emperor Of Pennsyltucky.” As such, it gets harder and harder to provide robust content here as often as I do — so, again, having that financial core to the site via my writing-related e-books helps keep the whole boat afloat.

I’m not saying you should feel obliged or guilty anything. I’m just saying, if you don’t buy it, it’s going to be another tear-stained pillow night. And my son will suffer from scurvy because I cannot afford orange juice.

“I Want To Commit Further Sins In Your Name”

You wanna do more? Spread the word, for one. Even if you’re not procuring the book, then putting it on the radar of someone who might is a good thing and to that I’d say, thank you.

Also: leave reviews. Amazon, B&N, Goodreads. If you love the book, tell the world. If you hate the book, tell your houseplants and quietly swallow your burgeoning rage until a thrombosis forms in your veins.

For any and all of your help, I say: thank you.

“I Want Even More Free Shit, Wendig”

And so, I give you three wallpapers. Let me know if you can download them okay. You should be able to just click the image and download the size you so desire (up to 1600 x 1200).

(The Penmonkey sigil by Amy Houser. Cover and wallpaper design by yours truly.)




18 responses to “Revenge Of The Penmonkey: Now Available”

  1. Everyone else must be outside enjoying Labor Day festivities…

    I love the wallpapers, although they don’t quite work on the monitor I have. I may use them as motivational posters, though. 🙂 Hooray for the penmonkey trifecta!

    • @Darren:

      The new content is the 10k memoir (entirely new), the Second Writer’s Prayer (entirely new), the 20+ questions (entirely new), the postscript commentary (entirely new). Everything else is straight from the pages of terribleminds, given a polish and some tweaks here and there.

      None of it, however, is duplicated in the other e-books. Each e-book contains its own material — no overlap found.

      — c.

  2. I *would* be outside for labor day, but alas, it’s raining. Thanks for the awesome wallpapers, and when I scrape some $$ together I’ll probably buy and tweet excessively about ROTPM! 🙂

  3. Wallpapers of awesome! You got your own little folder. Feel special, and shit. 😉

    Linking around and all that. I have several writery friends who I keep trying to get over here. You’re right up their alley too. 🙂 (yeah, yeah, I abuse smilies. What’s your point?)

  4. […] REVENGE OF THE PENMONKEY is now on sale. For $2.99, you get a boatload of writing advice and penmonkey satire. In addition, you get a 10k “memoir” by yours truly about the life of a writer and the lessons learned, and you also get a brand spanking new Writer’s Prayer (“Time to load the guns, brew the ink, and go to work. Because I am a writer, and I am done fucking around.”) Further, if you procure this week, I’ll toss you a free copy of 250 THINGS YOU SHOULD KNOW ABOUT WRITING. These e-books are how I finance the existence of terribleminds, so in advance I thank you for procuring a copy and spreading the word. Your procurement options are as follows: […]

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