Tag: news (page 4 of 5)

Chuck News

June 16, 2011 / 67 Comments

I Am The Monkey On The Back Of An Angry Robot

*whistles innocently*

Angry Robot Books is going to publish my novel, BLACKBIRDS.

I’ll let that sink in.

They’re also going to publish its followup, the tentatively titled: MOCKINGBIRD.

I’ll let that sink in, too.

That sound? The one you hear? Not just in your ear, but in the deep squishy pockets of your mind?

Yeah. That’s me. Screaming with mirth. Cackling like mad. Singing some forbidden hymn to whatever ancient gods decorated my brow with their blessed seed and let fortune favor a wee bearded penmonkey such as myself. I’m dancing. I’m grinning.

I’m lacquering my lederhosen.

BLACKBIRDS has been Out There for a good while now. It’s been ping-ponging from editor to editor. It’s been collecting lovely rejection after lovely rejection, all of them hinting that it deserves to find a home and will some day, but over time, with every month falling off the calendar you start to feel like, “Oh, ohhh, fuck, it’s not going to happen, is it? I’m either going to have to drop it in a box somewhere or self-pub it.”

So, to be picked up by Angry Robot — publisher of some, I mean, c’mon, truly astounding writers? Lauren Beukes? Matt Forbeck? Mike Shevdon? And they’ve also picked up fellow DMLA-ers Adam Christopher and Chris F. Holm? I’m over the moon to be lumped in with that level of talent. My goal is simply not to poop up the place. Here’s a clue how much I love Angry Robot: every since they were made manifest in this plane of existence and began showing up in bookstores, I would constantly go over, pick up their books and say to whomever was standing nearby (my wife, a stranger, a pet goat): “Holy shit, this looks awesome.” Every time. Great authors. Killer concepts. Incredible covers that look like nothing else on the shelves. Plus, they’re incredibly author-friendly, and how can you not love an ecosystem like that?

BLACKBIRDS features a character near and dear to my heart. A character whose struggles are fundamental and human but are reflected in a paranormal condition that exemplifies some far bigger, far weirder shit: fate versus free will, life versus death, what hair dye to choose, and so forth. Miriam Black — the protagonist of these books — is deeply troubled, very angry, and a total pill. But she’s funny, too, and foul-mouthed as anything. It’s great, because I actually care about her. One of my earliest note files when I was conceiving this character was titled, quite simply, “Poor Miriam.” Because I felt awful for the cross I’d strapped to her back and forced her to bear. I had nothing but sympathy and guilt for what I was going to do to her.

(That cross, for the record, is the ability to see how and when someone will die just by touching them. Fate and death, ever-present with naught but the contact of skin on skin.)

Good times.

So, not only does Miriam get one book, but she gets what I hoped she always would: the chance to carry her misanthropic “spit-in-the-eye-of-fate” attitude into other adventures.

Thanks to those who have supported the book all this time. Thanks to Jason Blair and Matt Forbeck for suggesting Angry Robot as a home to begin with. Thanks to Stephen Susco, my screenwriting mentor, who helped me hammer the shit out of this story way back when. Thanks to my wife, who for some reason always seemed to believe in me. And thanks to my kick-ass rock-star of an agent, Stacia Decker, who rocket-launched this through the ionosphere.

And thanks to Angry Robot. Marc Gascoigne, Lee Harris. Gentlemen. Scholars. Biblionauts.

Look for BLACKBIRDS in April/May 2012.

And MOCKINGBIRD not long after.

In Other News…

COAFPM continues to sell very well. Been out for not-quite-one-month now, and it’s sold ~260 copies. Because of the slightly higher price point, it means I’m fast approaching what I’ve earned over four-to-five months with IRREGULAR CREATURES (but that collection has seen a boost since COAFPM‘s release, which is nice). Together the two have paid a couple mortgage payments, so I can’t say boo to that.

IRREGULAR CREATURES has 36 four- and five-star reviews at Amazon, which is incredible. Fills me with giddy bubbles. Or maybe that’s just gas. Even still, thanks all to have bought and loved the collection. Means a lot to me. I hope that more Cat-Bird will show up in the future.

COAFPM — well, I wouldn’t complain if it got some more reviews over there. It’s standing at three reviews at present, and would love to see more added if you’ve read it, enjoyed it, and have the time.

DOUBLE DEAD is back from a first pass edit, and — holy shit! — it doesn’t suck. Looking forward to getting a second major copy-edit through. Jon Oliver and Jenni Hill at Solaris/Abaddon are incredible folks to work with, and I am very pleased that DD is in such excellent hands.

I’m nabbing some secret hush-hush work at my old stomping ground, White Wolf Game Studios. Developing something pretty cool for them which is all about [REDACTED].

Still bouncing my wibbly-wobbly baby-schedule in terms of writing. Some days the word count trickles. Other days, it floods. I was able to finish a new novel — codename: POPCORN — by churning through a 9,000 word writing day last Friday, so that was exciting.

Also planning a series of novellas to release over the course of the summer. Kind of crimey, I guess? High school? Not-quite-noir? Veronica Mars, but more violent? Something like that. Interested?

And that’s all she wrote, folks.

Thanks for reading.

EDIT: Today, Abaddon is also posting the first chapter of DOUBLE DEAD for those who care to read it.

#coburniscoming

May 20, 2011 / 37 Comments

Confessions Of A Freelance Penmonkey: Now Available

“No seriously, he’s not fucking around, you really don’t want to be a writer. But if you’re mad enough to decide that you do, Wendig will be your gonzo-esque guide, from the technical advice about structure, query letters and submissions, to dealing with agents and editors and how to make your characters do as they’re damn well told, he’s full of good advice. Like a cursing, booze-soaked Virgil to your Dante, let him show you around. Buy this book, your editor will thank you.”

— Jenni Hill, Editor, Solaris Books

Dear Word-Herders and Ink-Slingers: CONFESSIONS OF A FREELANCE PENMONKEY is now available for your eyeholes and e-readers across multiple platforms.

Let’s get this part out of the way, right now. Here, then, are your options for procurement:

Kindle (US): Buy Here

Kindle (UK): Buy Here

Nook: Buy Here

Or, buy the PDF ($4.99) by clicking the BUY NOW button:

Now that we’ve gotten that out of the way…

If you’re on the fence, I give you five reasons to nab this book.

1. “I’m Here, Aren’t I?”

CONFESSIONS OF A FREELANCE PENMONKEY is the distillation of writing advice found here at terribleminds — so, I’m going to ahead and safely assume that you dig this site which should also mean you’re doing to dig this book. CONFESSIONS features 50+ essays taken from the pages of this blog. Each essay is polished up and revamped, given a new coat of paint and in some cases, additional content. Further, each essay is also accompanied by “commentary” from yours truly, in which I add additional thoughts, change my mind about things, argue with myself, or ruminate on the value of statements like “rage-fuck a pumpkin.” Finally, the book offers other snidbits, including a “20 Questions” session with yours truly, in which I answer questions put forth by you most excellent readers.

2. “By The Power Of Grayskull That’s A Lot Of Bang For My Buck!”

The book features over 100,000 words of content. The PDF is over 300 pages. You get a mega-ultra-shit-ton of content that covers topics like: writing query letters, editing, rewriting, outlining, applying structure, waking up pantsless and ink-stained in Tijuana, utilizing theme, writing sex scenes, handling rejections, penning a good ending for your story, and so on. Further, it goes beyond advice on writing and publishing and offers issues that pop up like incontinent gophers during the writer’s life (should you write for free, should you self-publish, how to manage the hornet’s nest of crazy inside your crazy writer brain).

All for just shy of five bucks.

Now, you might be saying: “Chuck, I would like that book to be cheaper.” To which I respond, “I am very sorry, but it is not cheaper. I would also like a clockwork llama, but times are tough.”

My hope is that you do not consider five bucks a too-expensive price. Many things of ephemeral value cost more than this: a Starbucks drink, a fast food meal, a bag of candy, a “handie” from one of the callus-handed hobos down at the park. All things that are over and done in a matter of minutes. This book should last you…

*does some quick math using a pile of M&Ms*

…at least 17 years. Give or take 16 years.

That’s a pretty sweet deal.

3. “I Trust What These Other Awesome Humans Have To Say.”

Check it out. Some really cool people have said some really cool things. Don’t you like these cool people? You do want to be cool, don’t you? I’m just saying — they’re all ‘doing it.’

“Chuck Wendig has done what so many authors desperately need and will never admit: offered a phenomenal book about the real world of writing, and made it reachable and readable by anyone. His terribleminds blog guided me through good days and bad, provided advice and much-appreciated laughter throughout the whole, often painful, process. I’m thrilled to have his brain trapped in Confessions of a Freelance Penmonkey, and I’ll be referring to the squishy gray-matter of his brilliance often.

If it weren’t for Chuck Wendig’s advice, I’d have fallen off the writing map long ago. This is the book you want stapled to your chest when you march into the battle of authorship! An absolute must-read for anyone even thinking of dabbling with words for a living.”

— Karina Cooper, Author of Blood of the Wicked

“Chuck Wendig’s Confessions of a Freelance Penmonkey is full of the kind of writing advice I wish I’d gotten in school. Practical, brutally honest, and done with the kind of humor that will make it stick in your brain. Whether you’re a veteran writer or new to the craft, you’ll find something useful in here.

Plus he says ‘fuck’ a lot, so, you know, there’s that.”

— Stephen Blackmoore, author of City of the Lost

“In Confessions of a Freelance Penmonkey, Chuck Wendig hammers out writing and career advice that’s always brave, profane, creative, clever, and honest. And don’t forget hilarious. You’ll never laugh so hard learning so much.”

— Matt Forbeck, game designer and author of Vegas Knights

“These days, a kind word is regarded with suspicion. A supportive gesture is mistrusted. An altruistic move never is. We live in a time where cynics ignore the saccharine of Chicken Soup books and accept hugs only from Mother, and only when we’re drunk and crying. When a writer hits cynical, drunken, mother-hugging rock bottom, that’s when they need Chuck Wendig’s raw, no-holds barred advice. This is not for the faint of heart. But then again, neither is writing.”

— Mur Lafferty, host of ISBW (I Should Be Writing) podcast, editor of Escape Pod, author of Playing For Keeps

“Despite being irreverent, vulgar, and funny, Chuck Wendig is also surprisingly profound. From one wordslinger about another, Chuck is the real deal and every prospective or working writer should read Confessions of a Freelance Penmonkey. Hell, the ‘Writer’s Prayer’ alone is worth the price of admission.”

— Jennifer Brozek, Author of The Little Finance Book That Could

“About the only thing harder than being a writer is trying to capture the utter insanity that truly is the writer’s life. In Confessions of a Freelance Penmonkey, Chuck Wendig does just that. You’ll be laughing, crying, shouting and grimacing, but most of all, you’ll feel the deep resonance of hearing the truth in all of its sarcastic, profane and comedic glory. If you want to be a better writer, or just want to be inspired by one of the best takes on writing I’ve ever read, do yourself a favor and buy Confessions.”

— Daniel Ames, author of Feasting at the Table of the Damned

4. “I Love Terribleminds So Much, I Want To Make It Rain With One-Dollar Bills!”

You may be saying, “Well, fuckadang, Wendig, I come here every day and have been for the last two years, and every one of those days you have some fresh content that costs me naught but me checking my shame at the door — oh, and occasionally wrestling with the corporate cyber-Dobermans that prevent NSFW content from getting through to my goddamn computer — and here I am with the chance to get a sexy e-book version of your most popular writing advice posts here and so I do believe I must take you up on that offer. Besides, since I’m a writer-type, this is a tax deductible purchase for me, isn’t it? So, here you go, boy. Shake that booty can. Let me crumble up these five one-dollar bills into little origami boulders and pitch them at your gyrating banana hammock. Yeah. Nngh. Shake that fountain pen, bitch.”

5. “Because Wendig’s An Asshole And He Wants Me To Feel Guilty.”

In a few weeks my wife is — fingers crossed — going to, ahem, “accept a baby delivery from a jaunty stork wearing a postman’s uniform” (that’s how it works, right? I feel asleep during the videos I was supposed to watch), which means before too long I’m going to be responsible for feeding and clothing a whole other human besides myself. I can barely change my own diapers. If you don’t buy CONFESSIONS, then that baby will starve. That’s just how it is. You’re not going to say no to a cute little baby, are you? The cute little baby needs nom-noms. You can help put nom-noms on the baby’s plate. (And also, only you can stop forest fires, but that’s a different “guilt axis”). So, I’m left to believe that if you’re here reading all this delicious content but don’t want to pay anything toward it, then your only goal in life is to passively harm infants. That’s not cool, man. Not cool. (Okay, I’m just kidding. No guilt. I’ll just feed the kid leaves and squirrel meat.)

Will It Ever Be In Print?

Ennnh? I dunno. Right now, it’s e-book only. I might noodle around with Lulu or Createspace, or I’m alternately considering doing a real intense version that also features some of my writing-related photography. If anybody has opinions on this or information geared toward this subject, note that my ears are tilted toward you. I am eager to accept your frequency. Which is not a euphemism: please stop fiddling with the zipper on your pants.

What If I Don’t Want To Give Money To The Man?

Just to clarify, I am a man, but not the man.

And by “the” man, I assume you mean Amazon, or Barnes & Noble.

You can procure the PDF directly from me, as noted above.

Hell, if you want, I’ll even digitally autograph it. Just be sure to let me know when ordering!

If you buy PDF, note the process is: PayPal sends me an email usually within an hour (often much more quickly), and when I get it, I bounce you the PDF directly via email. No DRM or anything nutty.

I choose no DRM on all my e-books. Thus, if you’re so inclined to pirate, well, I can’t stop you.

What Else Can I Do?

Let’s see.

a) I’ll give out review copies where appropriate. Hit me up using the Contact Form.

b) A review somewhere — Amazon, B&N, GoodReads — would be lovely. I would of course love a positive review, but hey, I’m not the little man that pilots you. That’s on him.

c) I am of course available for interviews. Or guest-embloggenation. Or whatever you need. I will be your dancing monkey. I say “ook-ook.” I clap my cymbals together. For you. For you. Also, if you want to use the book in any kind of contest, bounce me a message, we can make that happen.

d) Above all else, just spread the word. Get on the Brainbook, the Twizzers, the Goblin Signal, whatever social media you frequent, and please tell them about this book. You would have my ultimate gratitude. I will send you imaginary cupcakes. Psychically. To your mind oven.

What Comes After This?

If this books sells well (by which it meets some vague uncertain metric of “earning out” — let’s say it earns me about five grand when all is said and done), then I’ll do another book of writing advice. Well, two, actually — another gathering of terribleminds posts, yes, but also, an original book about writing. Something a little more specific — like, say, the life-cycle of the novel.

Buy Today, Save A Kitten From Orbital Lasers

In a perfect world, a whole meth-addled flock of terribleminds readers will hurry out and snap up digital copies of CONFESSIONS at an unprecedented rate, thus giving my first-day sales a lightning bolt right up the colonic passage. Amazon and B&N’s servers will shit themselves and take out a couple city blocks. My book will be catapulted to the top of the charts, where it will be tongue-bathed by temple whores.

If you help to make that happen, then my many thanks.

Alternately, if you do any of the above things, including spreading the word, then also: big thanks.

This book wouldn’t be possible without the many daily readers of this website, and the fact you come back here day in and day out and help to bloat my already egregious ego is honestly very cool.

You’re all nice folks.

Thanks again, and if you buy the book, please to enjoy.

May 5, 2011 / 26 Comments

In Which I Pretend You Give A Rat’s Ass About What I’m Up To

Sometimes I hate to do these cursory updates, because it assumes you can actually muster a fuck as to what I’m up to. Hell, I don’t blame you for not caring. I’m not sure I care all that much, and it’s me we’re talking about. Really, I’m kind of boring. It’s like, “Hey, Chuck, what are you doing?”

“Oh. Well. The usual.”

“Does that mean…?”

“Mm-hmm. Sitting here, scraping lint out of my belly button with a pistachio shell. Drinking gin out of a dirty pencil cup. Making things up inside my mind and then writing them down.”

“The sexy life of a writer.”

“The sexy life of a writer, indeed.”

*scrape scrape*

Let me ask up front: do you like these updates? Do you read them? Feel free to answer honestly (though, also, tactfully — please no, “Dear Shitbeard, I don’t give two rats fucking in a jizz-lacquered gym-sock whether or not you update us as to what’s going on in your life. Love, The Internet”). For now, however, I am left to rely on my ego to get me through the writing of this post. Hence: please enjoy the stuff I am doing.

Monsters With Uncertain Bowel Habits

It’s been, mmm, let’s see, two weeks since I said, “Hey, errrrbody, I’d like to pick up some more sweet sales of Irregular Creatures because it is a short story collection that features flying cats and hell-vaginas and it’ll make you laugh and it’ll make you cry and also I need to buy some more coffee soon so DEAR GOD PLEASE HELP ME.” I said I’d like to get another 400 sales and I also said I’d update you crazy kittens as to how that plan is doing. And so here I am. Update in hand.

Well, in two weeks time I’ve sold 76 copies, which is nice. Especially since the previous two weeks saw only about 20 copies sold. So, 76 out of 400 means I’m… *counts on fingers, toes, nipples, nosehairs* just about 20% of the way toward my goal. That’s lovely, and thanks all for helping spread the word. Cat-Bird and the Magical Hobo Hermaphrodite thank you, too.

I must also thank Fred Hicks, who shouted out to Irregular Creatures over at Jim Butcher’s bloggery-space, and I’ve zero doubt that this shout-out also helped contribute to sales.

If you wish to procure Irregular Creatures directly through me, you can buy via THIS LINK via PayPal.

If you want it through Amazon (US), THIS LINK is your best friend.

If you’re across the pond, Amazon (UK) offers you THIS LINK right here, mate.

Thanks, too, for the many who’ve left amazing reviews on Amazon and Goodreads.

Where You Can Find Me

I’ve now contributed nine articles to The Escapist, with, I believe, a tenth on the way. You can find all my articles here, but were you inclined to see what I’ve been doing there recently, you might wanna check out:

First: How Games Get Zombies Wrong. A little ditty about how video games don’t quite grok the narrative potency of the zombie sub-genre, of which I am notably a fan.

Second: Evolution, Not Deviation. In which I discuss how when doing a sequel, it’s easy to do “more of the same,” but on the other hand, it’s dangerous to do different.

Speakazombies, a casual reminder that you can pre-order Double Dead from Amazon (Pre-Order US or Pre-Order UK). Described by me as, “A vampire in zombieland.”

Hey! Look. The Forsaken Chronicler’s Guide is out.

Human Tales is out. I’ve a short story in it!

What I’m Working On At Present

I’m working on a new novel while I wait for Double Dead edits. The new novel — CODENAME: SHUCK RAT — is coming along nicely. Too nicely. That’s how crazy we writers are — it’s going so well, I’m worried. “Why am I enjoying this? This feels so right. It’s not supposed to be right. Where’s my fear? Where’s my gut-churning acid-burn? Why isn’t my heart in my throat? Nurse. Nurse!”

I’ve got a cover coming in for Confessions of a Freelance Penmonkey as I finalize edits and add my own “director’s commentary” to the book. It’s a biggun. It’ll top 100k when all is said and done. Chocablock with writing advice and whatnottery. I’m loosely soliciting quotes from folks if anybody feels like blurbing the pants off this monkey motherfucker. Gimme a shout.

Got some film and new media projects bubbling on the stove.

Also will soon be open for summer work. You need a penmonkey, please do not hesitate to contact me. I work clean, fast, and friendly. Plus, I’m having a baby soon. Don’t make me shake him at you.

The baby is the other thing we’re working on. We now are loaded to bear with baby shower gifts. And something called a “diaper cake.” Which is not a delicious cake made of diapers. I mean, okay, fine, it’s adorable, but totally inedible. I know. I tried gumming that thing for hours. All it did was soak up every drop of saliva in my body. Absorbency, man. Absorbency.

Things I’m Enjoying

Almost through with Robert McCammon’s THE FIVE, which is an incredible psycho-horror rock opera as a band is hunted by a sniper. Totally different than anything McCammon has done.

Laughing at two new sitcoms: Workaholics on Comedy Central and Happy Endings on ABC.

Digging the new Beastie Boys album.

Portal 2 was crazy good.

Dragon Age 2 was crazy good, but in a different way.

And I think that’s all she wrote.

Beard the fuck on, friends.

Go forth and suck unicorn.

April 8, 2011 / 42 Comments

Like Gas On A Fire

Been quite a week. Saw the last ultrasound of my son before he’ll be born (poor boy, he looks like me). Finished a script, which is now off into the wilds, trying to gather financing like a big Hollywood Katamari ball. Started early development on another film project. Sent off two novel synopses. Wrote like a mad motherfucker and finished the novel, Double Dead, topping out at ~90,000 words.

And then last night I get home from “baby class” — where we were injected with deep panic regarding car seats — to discover that Writer’s Digest has named this blog one of the 101 Best Websites For Writers.

First, I must extend a sincere thank you to the folks at Writer’s Digest. I don’t know who was responsible, exactly, but they should know that I appreciate it. A wonderful surprise.

That said, I must also extend with that a sincere warning, as well.

You have made a terrible error. A grievous error. (Man, “grievous” is a great word.)

You know how sometimes you have an out-of-control toddler or a dog with bad habits, and someone inevitably rewards the child or dog and then someone has to step in to say, “Don’t encourage him?”

Mm-hmm. This is like that.

Good heavens, why would you encourage me? It’s like pouring gas on a fire. No, not even that. It’s like giving meth to a grizzly bear. Then giving the grizzly bear a jetpack and a Turkish scimitar. No good is going to come of that. Sure, you want to see what the grizzly is going to do. But it’s just not safe. It’s not even sane.

That scenario has no positive outcome.

The only result of putting this site on such an estimable list confirms that you’ve filled my head with the airy delusions of legitimacy. It’s like you’ve handed me a license from the government, and printed on this license are the benefits of said licensing, and those benefits listed include:

“The right to make up writing advice and claim legitimacy despite only threadbare authority;”

“The right to fustigate readers about the head and neck with false bravado and eye-watering profanity;”

“The right to use words like ‘fustigate;'”

“The right to guzzle a pony’s weight in liquor while doing all of the above.”

You’ve not only unlocked the cage door. You’ve thrown the key into a dark and endless abyss. This will have terrible repercussions. Twenty years from now, I’m going to be telling my then-20-year-old-son something and he’s going to say, “Dad, I don’t know if that’s right, I don’t think anybody actually found the Humbaba from the Epic of Gilgamesh in Lake Erie. You’re just making that up.” And I’m going to whip out my copy of Writer’s Digest and point to the 101 Best Websites For Writers, and I’m going to just tap #43 gently and clear my throat obnoxiously, thus indicating my false expertise in everything everywhere ever always. And then my son is going to ask me, “Dude, what’s a website?” And I’ll answer, “It’s like a dinosaur, except with more pornography. And don’t call me ‘dude,’ I’m your father.”

Then he’ll ask me, “What’s a writer?”

And I’ll just cry and remind him that writers all went extinct in 2013 when the price of e-books hovered roughly around “one possum tail and a handful of dried leaves.”

So, haters who think I’m gonna shut up? Oooh. Yeah, sorry. Like I said, gas on a fire. Conflagration, whoosh. Now I’ve a whole head full of illusion, my ego like a fatted calf.

Those who continue to dig on this site, well, buckle up, penmonkeys. The ride is only just getting going. Turns out, terribleminds ain’t going nowhere.

Thank you again to Writer’s Digest.

Now —

RELEASE THE METH-GRIZZLY!

*raaaaaar*

January 24, 2011 / 17 Comments

Irregular Creatures: The Contest

See that cat? The one with the wings? C’mon. You can’t miss it.

You can win that cat.

That’s right. I’m giving away that winged cat figurine. My wife pointed it out the other day. I nabbed it. And I said, “Someone will have this cat. I will foist it upon them whether they like it or not.”

I mean, c’mon. How apropos. Irregular Creatures is home to… well, at a rough guess, hundreds of flying cats. And some cats that don’t fly, to boot. And one pussy, but we won’t talk about that.

So, here’s your chance to win that very flying cat figurine (value, $15.00) and a $10.00 Amazon gift certificate (value: $10.00, duh). Wanna know how?

You need to do two things:

a) Buy IRREGULAR CREATURES and give me some proof that you bought it. If you procure a PDF or ePub from me directly, that’s easy. Because, hey, I’ve got the proof right there. If you buy from Amazon, then ideally you’ll show me a glimpse of a receipt or you’ll snap a photo of you reading the e-book on your das crazy Kindlemaschine. Proof of purchase goes to: chuckwendig [at] terribleminds [dot] com. [EDIT: You don’t have to show me a receipt or a picture if you don’t want. Email me, and I’ll ask you a question about one of the stories, and you can toss me the answer. Dig?]

Then:

b) You’ll leave an IRREGULAR CREATURES review up at Amazon.com. It doesn’t have to be a positive review. Hey, you hated it the book, you hated it. I won’t make you give it a kick-ass review (though I’d certainly appreciate it). Obviously, I also want you to have read the collection before leaving a review.

That’s it.

You have one week to do this. This contest ends next Monday, January 31st, at 7:00AM.

I’ll pick one of you crazy cats and kittens at random. That person will receive the flying cat and the Amazon gift certificate (I’ll pay for shipping). I’ll ship the cat to you and probably just email you the certificate (unless you’d rather that be printed out and sent along).

This contest is only open to those who currently live in the United States. Not that I don’t love you fine feathered international peeps, but I can’t afford the $786.23 necessary to ship the little cat to, say, Shanghai.

If you have already procured the book and left a review, great. Just make sure I know you’re in the running by emailing me at the above address and flashing a little proof.

If I don’t get an email, I won’t know you’re in the contest. So: be sure to email me.

That’s it, kids. It’s that easy.

Buy the book.

Leave an Amazon.com review for it.

Then tell me that you did so I don’t have to use my psychic powers to discern your involvement.

Good luck.

You can buy IRREGULAR CREATURES…

Here (PDF, ePub).

Amazon (Kindle).

Smashwords (ePub, PDF, etc.).

If you require a final sales pitch, well, here it is.

January 21, 2011 / 14 Comments

Painting With Shotguns #64

Quicky update today (because I’ve got to go snowblow our surprisingly long-ass driveway), and for that I drag the ol’ Painting With Shotguns blog-mode out of the drawer. Forgive me, I suspect it smells a little like mothballs. And, curiously, like ferret musk. Don’t ask questions. Just read.

Arrugula Screechers

Want a sales update on Irregular Creatures? Can do, my little winged kitties.

I won’t break down the day-by-day because I suspect that’s just going to get boring, but suffice to say since last Saturday, I’ve been selling between three and five per day, with the exception of yesterday, where I somehow managed to foist eight copies unto an unsuspecting populace.

That brings total sales up to: 189.

Amazon: 128

Amazon UK: 11

PDF: 48

Smashwords: 2

Looks like on Amazon the entry finally reflects (as of yesterday) the “People who bought Irregular Creatures also bought…” I’m in, of course, good company there. Chris Holm’s 8 Pounds, the Terminal Damage collection, and Allan Guthrie’s Bye Bye Baby. Need to crossover a little bit and get into the hands of people who are buying a lot of fantasy and sci-fi, though.

Received some lovely reviews this week:

… From Stephen Blackmoore.

… From Dave Turner.

… From Andrew Jack.

Got giveaways and interviews up at Bubblecow and Indie Horror.

Got a straight-up giveaway at Andrew Jack’s blog.

And cover artist Amy Houser worked on a comic with author Cat Valente: “Deathless.” It’s up right now at the Tor-dot-com site, so hurry over and check it out.

For those who have not procured the book as yet, would love to know why? No harm no foul, just curious. If you’re willing to share, of course.

Pandemic Countdown

www.hopeismissing.com

Click that link. See that gas mask? See that countdown clock?

Pandemic is coming. Are you going to be infected?

The event will cross a span of several days and will take place both in Park City and outside it — which means you crazy kids at home can both watch and interact with the experience. (I’ll tell you — maybe tomorrow or the day after — how you can get involved in a big roleplaying experiment and become a part of the story and its damaged world.)

I’d like to personally thank some people who helped do some back-up writing for the experience: Andrea Phillips, Stephen Blackmoore, Will Hindmarch, Jason Blair, Jesse Scoble, Kari Hayes, Christopher Simmons, Wood Ingham. I did some writing myself and served as story editor of the Pandemic experience, and am excited to see how it all plays out.

Articles: “Disrupting What’s Expected” at Sundance site; “Weiler Brings A Pandemic To Park City” at the Wall Street Journal; “Sundance Is Ground Zero For Pandemic 1.0” at Wired.

Remember:

Avoid the sick.

Don’t sleep.

And beware strange objects.

More as it develops. Follow the #pandemic11 hashtag on Twitter.

Udder Work

Well, Double Dead continues apace. The novel, which could be subtitled, “A Vampire In Zombieland,” is hella fun to write. Part of me thinks this is the key to writing — find projects that are fun as hell to write because the fun projects write themselves. Not to say you shouldn’t get deep and personal and moody and whatever — serious is good. But man, I forgot how much fun it is to write crazy awesome shit.

Speaking of vampires, just did a Vampire: The Requiem SAS for White Wolf and the ever-excellent and always-charming Eddy Webb. And one assumes that sometime in the next 15 years, Danse Macabre will actually hit shelves, so look for that when you’re old and gray.

I have two other gaming projects… lurking in the wings, but neither have entirely manifested yet. I only see gauzy shapes and trembling clouds, but I think they’re going to materialize soon. Er, I hope they are.

But that also tells me to tell you:

Hey! I’m open for freelance work. It’s the new year. And soon enough I’m going to have another mouth to feed what with the birth of our genderless centaur baby human boy come spring.

Know of any work?

I would be ever-gracious if you nudged it my way, or nudged me in that direction.

Just in case you forgot:

No, Seriously, I’m Not Fucking Around, You Don’t Want To Be A Writer.

But, I am a writer, and this penmonkey needs a task.