Apple-Obsessed Author Fella

Category: The Ramble (page 417 of 465)

Yammerings and Babblings

Thea Harrison: The Terribleminds Interview

Thea Harrison is one of those authors who kind of floated in and out of my periphery over social media — I didn’t know her specifically, but I know folks who did and they were very excited by who she was and what she was doing. They were spot on — and I think you’ll get it, too. Thea’s got a new novella out, TRUE COLORS, and you’ll see my image right there on the cover. No really. NO, REALLY. Check out this interview with Thea, and then scout out her website and find her on the Twitters (@theaharrison)!

This is a blog about writing and storytelling. So, tell us a story. As short or long as you care to make it. As true or false as you see it.

A woman went from unemployment to hitting the USA Today Bestselling List and the New York Times extended bestseller list in two and a half years.

The facts are true, but the story isn’t quite what it seems.  This journey was an amazing group effort, including a huge commitment of support by family members, an intense amount of work from a talented young literary agent, editor championship and publisher support.  Also, the woman had previous publication experience, and she had collected many rejections over the years.

Just yesterday I posted a “25 Things” list about writers and rejection. What’s your take on how a writer best handles rejection?

Whew, tough question.  I have an emotional reaction to rejection.  At best it’s a disappointment.  It can often sting quite badly, and sometimes I get upset.  But I keep that private.

In my opinion the very best thing a writer can do with rejection is maintain a professional demeanor in public (that means YOU, internet), keep the emotional stuff private, analyze why the rejection happened and learn from it.

Maybe the lesson is, well, you should keep your emotional reaction private.  Maybe it is something else.  If you send out three hundred and fifty queries (I made that number up) and you receive universal rejection, then it’s probably a really good idea to look at the quality and content of both your query and your project.  Maybe your query needs to be torn down and rewritten.  Maybe your project does.  Maybe your project needs to go in a drawer somewhere until you can calm down and actually come up with some useful strategies for moving forward.  Maybe, oh the horrors, you need to pitch the idea entirely, and yes, I’ve had my share of those.

Why do you tell stories?

I have a “rich inner life,” or so an acquaintance who has a PhD in psychology has told me.  Or perhaps I’m just neurotic.

Give the audience one piece of writing or storytelling advice:

Be too stupid to quit but too smart to keep making the same mistakes over and over again.

Or in other words, study the craft, stop doing something if it doesn’t work, implement good advice, keep writing and stay professional.

Man, that’s some of the best condensed writing advice — a short sharp shock of good sense. Okay, so, let’s talk mistakes. Every writer has them. What mistakes have you made as a writer that you can share?

I’ve made many, many mistakes.  I’ve held onto project ideas when I should have let them go, and I’m pretty sure I’ve thrown away things that had promise.  I have worked too much in solitude, and probably every piece of advice I have offered in this blog is because I did something wrong.

What’s great about being a writer, and conversely, what sucks about it?

The great thing about being a writer, for me, is that I have an agent who loves the weird stuff in my head and editors who have, thus far, pretty much given me free rein in the creativity department.  That’s immensely satisfying, and I’m running with it as far and as fast as I can go.  Also, writers can work wherever they have a laptop, PC, tablet, typewriter or even a pen and notepad, so there’s a certain amount of flexibility that other jobs don’t have.

Conversely the sucky parts of writing are things that lots of people have written about before (including you in your blogs).  Every writer is going to suffer some kind of rejection.  It’s the nature of the beast, and you just gotta suck it up, baby, and learn from it (re: back to the too stupid/too smart thing).  And like any self-employment venture a writer needs to be prepared to work odd, long hours to meet a deadline, and the payment schedule can be irregular.  Also, while many people might have a hand in a project—from writer, to agent, to editor, copyeditor, cover artiest, line editor, typesetter, publishing sales team, and booksellers—the writing itself is a solitary job and it’s important to figure out how to balance that with social needs.

Favorite word? And then, the follow up: Favorite curse word?

Payday.  Frequently.

To find out my favorite curse word, I just conducted some word searches in my WIP.  “Damn” is apparently my number one favorite.

Damn = 27

Fuck = 24

Hell = 15

Bitch = 8

Goddamn = 7

Favorite alcoholic beverage? (If cocktail: provide recipe. If you don’t drink alcohol, fine, fine, a non-alcoholic beverage will do.)

My current favorite is 667 Pinot Noir, a California wine.  It’s been on sale locally for around $12.

Recommend a book, comic book, film, or game: something with great story. Go!

I’m not particularly into westerns, but despite that I’ve been watching and enjoying AMC’s new series Hell On Wheels.  For me, the show has an interesting mix of action and historical detail, such as one character who survived Andersonville, one of the most horrendous prison camps from the American Civil War.

What skills do you bring to help the humans win the inevitable zombie war?

None whatsoever, unless you count telling fun stories to other humans for stress relief.  If that doesn’t count I’m dead meat.

You’ve committed crimes against humanity. They caught you. You get one last meal.

I figure indigestion and a possible hangover won’t be an issue, and for the execution I’ll wear the diamond and gold bracelet that comes with the dessert.

What’s next for you as a storyteller? What does the future hold?

The future holds lots of good stuff!  TRUE COLORS is a novella in my Elder Races series out on Tuesday December 13th, released by Samhain Publishing.

Then book four in the series, ORACLE’S MOON, will be released March 6, 2012.  I’m writing book five (untitled), which should have an autumn release in 2012, and I’m currently contracted through book six.

I also have been contracted for two dark romantic fantasies, as of yet unnamed, that are outside of the Elder Races series.  The first one is slated for release in 2013.

So, you just released a novella — do you prefer writing novels over novellas? Why the choice here to go with the shorter form?

In general I prefer writing novels, but I really like what I’m learning from working in a novella form.  I’ve currently got a second novella in submission with an editor.

One of the reasons why I’m exploring novella-writing is to develop a second revenue stream.  Another reason is to take the opportunity to tell stories about the alternative Earth I’m developing that don’t really warrant a full length novel.  It’s a bit experimental, so we’ll see what happens!

How do you approach writing fantasy? What would be your advice to anybody trying to write fantasy?

My first advice is to read read read.  Read every book on fantasy you can, then read science fiction, and then read horror, thrillers, mystery, literature, and throw in a lot of nonfiction too about religion, sociology, geography, history, politics, science and probably popular culture, and anything else you can get your hands on.  Maybe take some classes too.

The reason why I write this?  All of that will make you a better writer, no matter what you write.

Author Patricia C. Wrede has developed an excellent set of questions that can help writers consider the many different elements to creating a fantasy world.  You can find the list here.

Now that I’ve written that I’ll confess, for the first book in my Elder Races series, DRAGON BOUND, I was a “pantser,” or I wrote by the seat of my pants.  I sketched in details of an alternative Earth as I wrote the book then got very lucky and was offered a three-book contract for a series.  Since the series is open-ended, the world-building for me feels a lot like one very long jazz session, and I’m building the world as I go.  It’s both fun and challenging, as I’m working to stay consistent with previous stories.

Thanks so much for inviting me to be on your blog, Chuck, and thank you especially for posting during the release week for TRUE COLORS.  It’s been a pleasure!

Kickstarter My Heart

Okay, kids.

Come January, I’m going to do a terribleminds Kickstarter.

Here’s the logic: I’m a busy dude. I can never say the blog here is a burden because, truth be told, I love doing it — but I went ahead and calculated the loose word count I offer to this site annually and it’s…

Well, around 312,000 words a year.

That’s a lot of words. That’s four or five novels, easy.

This was less of a concern before the Tiny Wendig arrived, as B-Dub is a demanding dictator who forces his parental puppets to dance and dance and dance some more. All for His Tiny Lordship’s Pleasure.

Which means it’s time to look at this blog and see where it fits in my overall penmonkey ecosystem.

So, a Kickstarter. To fund the site by, well, funding my time. At least to some degree.

Which means it’s time to ask:

What are your “best practices” when it comes to Kickstarter? What do you like to see? What don’t you like? If you’ve backed a project or, even better, had a project on Kickstarter (or any crowd-funded site), I’d love to hear from you. Care to share what you’ve learned?

25 Things Writers Should Know About Rejection

‘Tis the Month of No Mercy.

And so it is time to tackle the subject of…

REJECTION.

*crash of thunder*

1. As Ineluctable As The Tides

If you’re a writer, a writer who writes, a writer who puts her work out there, you’re going to face rejection. It’s like saying, “Eventually you’re going to have to fistfight a bear,” except here it’s not one bear but a countless parade of bears, from Kodiaks to Koalas, all ready to go toe-to-toe with you. Rejection, like shit, happens. Rejection, like shit, washes off. Get used to it.

2. Penmonkey Darwinism In Action

Rejection has value. It teaches us when our work or our skillset is not good enough and must be made better. This is a powerful revelation, like the burning UFO wheel seen by the prophet Ezekiel, or like the McRib sandwich shaped like the Virgin Mary seen by the prophet Steve Jenkins. Rejection refines us. Those who fall prey to its enervating soul-sucking tentacles are doomed. Those who persist past it are survivors. Best ask yourself the question: what kind of writer are you? The kind who survives? Or the kind who gets asphyxiated by the tentacles of woe?

3. This, Then, Is The Value Of The Gatekeeper

Hate the autocracy of the kept gates all you like, but the forge of rejection purifies us (provided it doesn’t burn us down to a fluffy pile of cinder). The writer learns so much from rejection about himself, his work, the market, the business. Even authors who choose to self-publish should, from time to time, submit themselves to the scraping talons and biting beaks of the raptors of rejection. Writers who have never experienced rejection are no different than children who get awards for everything they do: they have already found themselves tap-dancing at the top of the “I’m-So-Special” mountain, never having to climb through snow and karate chop leopards to get there.

4. It Always Stings

Rejection always stings. It stings me, you, everybody. Nobody likes to be rejected. A writer who likes being rejected is a writer who is secretly a robot and must be smelted down into slag before he tries to kill us all because he hates our meat. Pain is instructive. And it’s not permanent. Not if you don’t let it be. Some writers savor misery like a hard candy endlessly sucked in the pocket of one’s cheek, but fuck that.

5. Five Stages Of Grief

Rejection leads to a swiftly-experienced version of the five stages of grief: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. It’s key to get to that last step as quickly as you can reckon. I actually have two additional steps in my personal process: “liquor” and “ice cream.” Your mileage may vary.

6. It’s Never Personal

It’s not about you. It’s about the work. I mean, unless it is about you. I guess it could be personal. If you send a story off to an editor, and you once shat in that editor’s fishtank, well. That might be personal.

7. Decipher The Code, Translate The “No”

Different rejections say different things. Not every “no” is equal. Hell, they can’t be — if I get 200 no’s and one yes, then that single yes invalidates all the no’s. One rejection might say there’s something wrong with the story. Another with the writing. A third likes the story, hates its role (or lack of role) in the market. A fourth rejection is upset at you — something about blah blah blah, bowel movements and fish-tanks.

8. The Truth Hides In The Pattern

Stare at a Cosby sweater long enough and it’s like a Magic Eye painting. Eventually you’ll start to see dolphins and Jell-O pudding cups and the secret Gnostic gospels of Doctor Huxtable. What were we talking about again? Right. Rejections. One rejection is not as meaningful as a basket of them. All the rejections around a single project become meaningful — a picture emerges. You can start decoding commonalities, sussing out the reasons for being rejected.

9. Some Rejections Are Worthless As A Short-Sleeved Straitjacket

Not every rejection — or every person wielding the big red “NUH-UH” stamp — is a quality one. Form rejections won’t teach you anything other than the fact that the editor didn’t have time. Rejections that never come — a “no” by proxy — are even less valuable. Sometimes you’ll receive a rejection that just doesn’t add up, leaving you scratching your pink parts in slack-jawed bewilderment. Recognize that some — not all, not even most, but some — rejections are as fruitful as a shoebox full of dead mice.

10. Beware Snark, Reject Cruelty

Every once in a while you’ll get a mean rejection. I don’t mean a rejection that takes you to task — that’s what rejections should do. I mean a rejection that is destructive over constructive. That insults aggressively (or passive-aggressively). Maybe the editor was having a bad day. Or maybe the editor’s just a sack of dicks. Rare, but it happens. When it does: ignore and discard. You’re expected to be professional. So are they.

11. Cherish Opportunistic Rejections

Cherish them the way you would a child, or a lost love, or the misery of an enemy as you slowly feed him into a growling wood chipper. By “opportunistic rejection” I mean, a rejection that aims to help you, not just reject you. A handwritten rejection, for instance, one that features an honest critique of your work, is fucking gold. Equally awesome are rejections that help you understand the good things about your story and, further, offer opportunity for future submission. Best of all are rejections that encourage you to resubmit — not other stories, but that story. My first short story on submission got one of those. I played ball. Resubmitted. Was published. Got paid. Freeze-frame high-five.

12. Like It Or Not, It’s Largely Subjective

Storytelling isn’t math. And neither is literary criticism. Any rejection is going to be largely subjective: it’s opinion. Doesn’t mean it’s bad or wrong or has no value, but it helps to know going in that you’re dealing with a subset of opinions — informed opinions, most likely, but opinions just the same. Some rejections are objective, based on harder criteria. What I mean is…

13. Sometimes, It’s Totally Your Fault, Dummy

Objective rejections will take you to task for two primary things: one, you didn’t follow the submission guidelines. (Can I just say: always follow the goddamn submission guidelines? Even if the submission guidelines are like, “Each corner of the manuscript must be dabbed with the urine of an incontinent civet cat and the writer must write his name backwards for the magic to take hold,” you do that shit because you’re not a pretty pretty unicorn, you’re a horse like the rest of us, goddamnit.) Or two, your technical writing ability is for shit, at least in that story. If you can’t put a period on the right place or learn the difference between “lose” and “loose,” then you’re going to earn that objective rejection.

14. “It’s Just Not For Me”

You can read that kind of rejection one of two ways: one, your story was good, but just not for that market/editor/moon phase; two, the editor is uncomfortable with truth or doesn’t want to offend anybody and so is gently limping away from saying anything even remotely offensive or controversial.

15. “I Can’t Sell This”

This is a variant version of the above — but it speaks specifically to market. It doesn’t mean your book or story or article is bad, and hell, it may even be brilliant. That’s not the worst place to be, by the way.

16. Know The Signal To Self-Publish

Rejection as a whole is not a great reason to run out and self-publish. I mean, think about it: “Everyone else hates it, so why not punish readers with it? To the Resentmentmobile!” But — but! — sometimes, the overall pattern of rejection does indicate value in self-publishing. Getting a lot of those “it’s good, but I can’t do anything with it” rejections tells you that the risk-averse industry isn’t willing to, duh, take a risk. So, you can absorb the risk and self-publish. (Or you can continue to hope that good rejections will lead to an eventual patient acceptance — that’s what I did with Blackbirds.)

17. The Power In “Just Not Good Enough”

It’s sad at first. You wrench handfuls of hair from your head. You punch mirrors. You soak your pillow through with the tears of rage and regret. But then comes the realization: this story just isn’t up to snuff. It’s a powerful and freeing moment — freeing because, making a story better is entirely within your power. You can’t change market forces. But you can change the quality of your work. So do that.

18. Criticism Is A Conversation, But Rejection Is Not

Do not respond to an editor or agent and try to “re-convince them” to buy your work. At best it’s fruitless, at worst it’s completely deluded. The desperation wafts off you like dog’s breath. The door is closed, for better or worse, for right or wrong. Trying to kick it down does nobody any favors. Oh! And it’s unprofessional.

19. Just To Clarify: Don’t Be A Raging Dickheaded Moon-Unit

Further, don’t go writing said editor or agent with the desire to rant and rave at them. OMG YOU DONT GET MY BRILIANCE letters will out you as a crazy-headed Martian and will earn you mockery and scorn. Your best recourse to any rejection is to write a politely worded “thank you,” and then move on with your life. Put down the megaphone. Put on some pants. Squeegee the froth from your computer monitor.

20. The Common Bonds Of Weepy Wordmonkeys

Every writer, from the tippity-top of the industry to its sludge-slick nadir, has experienced rejection. Every book, movie, or story you love? It’s been rejected. Probably not once. But dozens, maybe even hundreds of times. It’s part of the writer’s career tapestry, part of our blood and genetic memory. Rejection is part of who we are as creative beings. Might as well commiserate.

21. Bumper Sticker: “Real Writers Get Rejected”

I’ll just leave that there for you to discuss amongst yourselves.

22. Put Your Rejections On Display

Build a wall. A shrine. A goddamn memorial display of all your rejections. Writers need to gain emotional power over their rejections. By embracing them and putting them up for all to see, you claim that power. Show it to others. Laugh at it. Find ways to surpass it. Stephen King reportedly collected all of his on a nail. I might stuff mine in a giant wicker man. When I die, I will be burned alive inside the rejectionist’s pyre.

23. Harden The Fuck Up, Care Bear

Any creative person has to be a little bit hard of heart — how can you not be? You can’t go sobbing into a potted plant every time you get a bad review. Just because someone told you “no, I can’t rep this, can’t publish this” doesn’t mean it’s time to head to the bell tower with a .300 Weatherby and start taking out anybody carrying a book or a fucking Barnes & Noble rewards card. Rejections toughen you up. Step to it. Suck it up. Lean into the punch. We all get knocked down. This is your chance to get back up again with your rolled-up manuscript in your hand and start swinging like a ninja.

24. Once Again, Time To Poll Your Intestinal Flora

The writer’s gut is his best friend — over time, the chorus of colonic bacteria that secretly control us begin to work in concert and soon start to get a grasp of what the best course of action is. As the parliament of micro-organisms attunes to your way of doing things and the world’s response, you start to get a clearer picture of how to handle individual rejections and how to move forward. I don’t know that every writer should trust his or her gut from the outset, but over time, you’ll have to. It’ll be that polling of your gutty-works that tells you how to judge individual rejections or rejections as a whole: it’ll tell you if it’s time to put the story in a dark hole, time to improve it, time to be patient and keep submitting or time to find a better and more independent path to publication.

25. Rejections Are Proof You’ve Been To Thunderdome

Fighters know one another because they look a certain way: busted-ass knuckles, a crooked nose, a scar on the lip, the suspicious gaps where teeth once grew. These are the signs of being a crazy motherfucking bad-ass. You see a guy whose body is a network of scars you don’t think, “Hey, he sure gets beat-up a lot,” you think, “Holy fucksnacks, that guy looks like he got thrown into a dumpster full of broken glass and he came out meaner than ever.” That’s how you need to see rejection. You need to see rejection as bad-ass Viking Warrior battle scars, as a roadmap of pain that makes you stronger, faster, smarter, and stranger. A writer without rejections under his belt is the same as a farmer with soft hands; you shake that dude’s hand and you know, he’s not a worker, not a fighter, and wouldn’t know the value of his efforts if they came up and stuck a Garden Weasel up his ass. Rejections are proof of your efforts. Be proud to have ’em.

* * *

Want another booze-soaked, profanity-laden shotgun blast of dubious writing advice?

Try: CONFESSIONS OF A FREELANCE PENMONKEY

$4.99 at Amazon (US), Amazon (UK), B&N, PDF

Or its sequel: REVENGE OF THE PENMONKEY

$2.99 at Amazon (US), Amazon (UK), B&N, PDF

And: 250 THINGS YOU SHOULD KNOW ABOUT WRITING

$0.99 at Amazon (US), Amazon (UK), B&N, PDF

Or the newest: 500 WAYS TO BE A BETTER WRITER

$2.99 at Amazon (US), Amazon (UK), B&N, PDF

The Precarious Portentious Perils Of Self-Publishing

(Warning: unexpectedly long-ass post incoming.)

(Turn away now.)

(No, seriously, you were warned.)

I like self-publishing. I like having my hands in it. I like knowing what’s going on. I like owning the work from snout to tail, and owning the results of my work in the same way.

Further, I’ve read some incredible self-published work. Work that may never have reached my eyes were it not for the option for the author to circumvent the pomp and circumstance and reach me semi-directly.

So, count me as a fan of the option. In fact, let me say this to all writers: you should be self-publishing. Not all your work. But some of it. Take the option. Try it out. Diversification is good.

Okay? Okay.

Now, all that being said:

Self-publishing ain’t an easy road to walk. Oh, it’s sold that way. A lot of the self-publishing advice out there amounts to all the fucking wisdom of a Nike slogan: JUST DO IT, they say.

But doing the DIY-slash-indie-slash-micropub-slash-selfpub route is a path fraught with perils all its own — perils different from those encountered by the writer going the “other” way. And I’d like to talk about some of those perils here and now, both in order to make new writers aware of them and, further, to ideate some solutions for the aforementioned perils. I say, “Here there be gators,” and you say, “I will now show you my bonafide gator-whomping shock-bat.” And then we both turn toward the camera and show off our Mentos-twinkling minty-fresh smiles. Right? Right.

Maybe some of this will lend itself toward an eventual “best practices” of self-publishing. I dunno.

So. Self-publishing perils. Let’s have it.

The 800-Pound Cuddly Gorilla Named “Amazon”

This past week, Amazon said: “Hey, we’re starting this lending library, which is kind of like a Netflix for books available to Prime members, and that’s pretty cool. Self-published authors can be included in this and they’ll gain access to some part of the total money, but to gain that access they must choose to be exclusive to Amazon for 90 days.” That, of course, is the KDP Select program.

First, you’re probably going to want to check out David Gaughran’s post on this subject: “How Much Do You Want To Get Paid Tomorrow?” He says smart things. So, go there. I’ll wait.

Back? Good. I’ll say up front I’m not a fan of KDP Select at present: I sell 30% of my e-book wares directly to folks via this site and using Paypal. The money granted to me from KDP Select is mysterious: nobody’s had any experience with it yet and they’re asking for a lot given the utter lack of results. Further, I, as a bonafide paranoid, see glimpses of a Spotify future here for writers: suddenly for us to be making any money at all we have to make sure that 1.4 million people “check out” our books year after year. Overly fearful? Probably.

Just the same, KDP Select (which isn’t really what I’m here to talk about) is emblematic of a larger issue:

Amazon is a fucking megalodon shark in these self-publishing waters.

I know, I know, blah blah blah Smashwords, blah blah blah Barnes & Noble Nook. Your mileage may vary, but Smashwords to me is a non-option: it’s as ugly and obtrusive as a broken thumb. And B&N, I sell maybe 10% of my total to them. Maybe, on a good month. For the most part, my e-book revenue comes in as 70% Amazon, 30% direct sales. (Direct sales are up these days, though, from around 23%.)

Now, I like Amazon.

I don’t have any grave issue with them as a company and I’ve heard that working for them is a delight. Just the same, as much as you hear the self-publishing acolytes screaming about the mythic non-existent traditional publishing monopoly you rarely hear them issue concern over how Amazon is slowly reaching out with its big shark-gorilla arms and sweeping all the pieces toward its open slavering maw.

Say what you will about Apple (and you could): at least on my iPad I can read all kinds of e-books. On a Kindle Fire? I can read… well, Kindle books. Then you’ve got Amazon mobilizing its own publishing arms and swooping up authors under an NDA, and then you’ve got KDP Select and whatever else lurks in the wings. You start to see one possible future, which is when Amazon finally finishes carving its own proper kingdom out of the mountain and can suddenly exile authors once more to the caverns and chasms at the mountain’s base: they can say, “Hey, we’re revoking that 70/30 split and demanding exclusivity and we also want you to email us pictures of your genitals. Just so we have them. It’s in the terms of service. We own your pink parts. Thanks!”

Now, again: paranoid, I know. Just the same, companies aren’t people. Companies are beholden to a bottom line above an ethical proving ground, and once Amazon gains and retains all the pieces, they’ve no reason to be author-friendly. Because the ecosystem will have been redesigned and rebranded with the Amazon logo.

So. That’s the challenge. What’s the solution?

For me, it’s selling directly. Having that 30% margin proves I could, if need be, abandon the larger sites and switch entirely over to my own distribution (where the split is, by the way, better than 70/30) — and that may be the future for self-published authors: becoming our own distribution centers.

Shaking Your Can-Cans In The Whore’s Parade

We’re fucked for good promotion. Just fucked. Twitter has turned into a near-ceaseless whore’s parade of authors showing a little a lot of tit and advertising their self-published books over and over again. And I say that as an offender dancing in that very parade. I try to do right with it — try to be funny and engaging and equal out my self-promo whore-tweets with just as many non-whore tweets to water down the acrid bite of my whorishness, but just the same, it’s hard. And here’s the rub: it totally fucking works. If I advertise one of my books directly, you know what happens? I get sales. The more promo I do, the more sales I get.

Which means, being a trashy sloppy self-promo slut-bot is rewarding.

At least, it’s rewarding to my sales. I can’t say it’s particularly rewarding to my self-worth or my likability or my, I dunno, street cred. Do I have street cred? I probably have no street cred. My beard might. Alas: that’s a conversation for another time. Point being, promotional efforts on my part translate into sales.

This isn’t to say traditionally-published authors don’t do the same thing and don’t experience the same sense of gloomy shame — but I will say that, having publishers for both DOUBLE DEAD and BLACKBIRDS means I can lay off the stick a little bit. And it works: more people have reviewed and are talking about DOUBLE DEAD than any of my self-published work and in a very short time.

So — self-published writers have to be (put nicely) self-aggrandizing salesmen. And that’s no fun, not really. Thus I ask: what’s the solution? How else can we spread the word (and I mean, spread the words beyond our own social circles and beyond the self-publishing echo chamber, which is a very real and very troubling phenomenon)? Buying ads? Earning reviews in major publications? Wuzza? Wooza?

Discoverability And Filter Are Fucking Goofy

Related to the former challenge:

Discoverability and filter of self-published books are both crap. A giant, trembling termite’s mound of crap. Wandering a bookstore, I have a high quotient of browsing and I often find books I’d never have expected to find. Wandering Amazon just makes my eyeballs bleed. You’re practically browsing and filtering an infinity, and when you factor in the majority of self-published books, that means you’re going to browse a lot of covers that look like someone just ingested a rod of uranium and threw up in a clown’s shoe. (Meaning: revolting in the deepest, Lovecraftian sense.)

How do we change this? Do we need some kind of app that helps you discover books the same way an app helps you discover new music? How do we encourage the discoverability of our books? And us as writers?

Anecdotes And Edge-Cases Over Hard Data

Publishers have access to big data. Self-publishers have access to little data. Now, on a personal level, the little data matters and we need it — duh, we should know how much we’re selling. But what we don’t know is what’s going on outside our door. Yes, we hear the success stories, and we occasionally get numbers, but that doesn’t add up to meaningful data (though many of the zealots and cult leaders would have you believe that it does, but that’s how most Get Rich Quick schemes work).

We don’t know how successful self-publishers really are as a whole. Or why they’re successful, or what genres definitively work over ones that don’t, or how much contributes to sales. Big publishers have data that helps answer some of this: they have a much bigger picture (though an admittedly flawed picture at times) of the industry as a whole. Self-publishers learn only of their own little plots of land.

We operate in isolation.

Is anybody curating big data? And if they are, are they sharing it? How can we be more transparent with our numbers? Is it valuable to escape solitary and join the gen-pop in order to share bigger chunks of data?

Absolutely Zero Quality Control

All right, self-publishers, let’s get real for a minute.

Even after all that’s gone on in the last year, a lot of self-published books are still… well. Let’s just say they still suck a bag of dicks and then we all nod and frown and make sagely “mm, mm” noises.

Self-publishing has zero quality control. Zip, nada, nichts, bupkiss. Any goofy dillhole with a text file and a dream can punt his poorly-put-together-whatever into the marketplace to stink it up.

Now, I hear you, you have two retorts to this:

One: cream floats. To which I say: ennnh. Any browsing of the Kindle charts will show you that some truly execrable, objectively bad story-products find their way into the rankings.

Cream may float. But so does crap.

Two: traditional publishing has its equivalent share of stinkers. Yyyyeaaaaah-no. Not so much. If I take 10 randomly-selected books from the bookstore and then I choose 10 random self-published books, I genuinely believe that the bookstore books will at least meet the standards for being well-put-together and, to boot, will be books I don’t like based on subjective definitions. But I’ll bet you that at least half of the self-published books fail based on errors that any C-grade writer or publisher should’ve caught and fixed.

Let me just take a moment to share a post I saw on Authonomy:

“Virginia Woolfe – regarded as one of the most important women writers in history. — Self published

Mark Twain- The adventures of Huckleberry Fin- Originally self published.

A Time To Kill- John Grisham – self published.

Hmmm. You never know who else may be on that list.

I wonder what would have happened if that ONE agency hadn’t accidentally took home JK Rowlings Harry Potter. Do you think it would not have become what it is today if she had self published after so many rejections? I think it would have. The story people. That is what is most important to a 90% of your readers. I have read the perfectly edited MS of several writers and you know what, It’s so damn correct that it has become a basic cookie cutter pile of crap. But hey its perfect other wise. Writers are artists who do it for the pure joy of it and all I got to say about those who treat it like a buisness, following all the rules and etc just to make a dollar, you are not writers. You are not storytellers and you can self publish all day long and it wont matter. There’s no heart in it and the readers will know. What they won’t care about: oops. This sentence is missing a period. Oh no, they forgot the comma. Look, the dialog’s not indented. if the story is good enough, no one’s going to notice the small stuff. I’m not saying not to put effort into edting your work and making it the best possible, I’m just saying make sure your story is good because perfection is worthless to a reader.”

That’s all a little nutty. Isn’t it?

Writers can’t be businesspeople? Commas and periods and indentations are somehow too perfect? (And I keep seeing the myth that all these famous writers were self-published and so that means it’s totally cool, kay, thanks, bye. They usually miss that many of these writers were also traditionally-published and published in a very different ecosystem. And many were broke.)

Thing is, this attitude is pervasive in the self-publishing community — and nobody’s playing police officer and saying, “Wow, holy crap, that’s crazy. And, by the way, this is why we get less respect than we deserve.” Instead, you get the cheerleaders shaking their limp pom-poms, encouraging all the worst possible practices.

(For the record, that Authonomy thread was based on one of my self-publishing posts, apparently.)

This attitude is great for writers. “Who cares? Poop out a book!”

This attitude sucks for readers. “I just bought this book. And I think it’s made of poop?”

Why is this a challenge for all self-publishers? Because this is the stigma. Because this is what’s out there. This is your competition. What’s the solution? I really don’t know.

On one hand, it’d be great if Amazon and other sites had some kind of quality assessment, some objective scan of books to make sure that the covers don’t make me throw up and that sentences all have periods. But that’s never going to happen and, to boot, only puts more power in Amazon’s hands — and that gorilla doesn’t need to be jacked up any more than he already is.

If anything, it feels like this needs to come down to the community. Self-publishing no longer needs cheerleaders. It needs a dose of deep honestly and realism. It needs data above anecdotes, it needs new avenues instead of all of us being lumped into the same big sweaty room trying to hawk our flea market wares as if they were creepy dream-catchers we made out of tin cans and cat hair.

Your turn. Assess these challenges. Offer solutions. (Or debate the merit of their inclusion if so inclined — I’m just ranting over here, and will cop to that.) Offer your own challenges, if need be.

But let’s talk, yeah?

Carving Myths And Gospels In The Surface Of Blackbloom

As you know, the Gods of Blackbloom have been chosen.

And we know a great many other awesome things about Blackbloom, too.

Best of all, a Wiki is slowly forming (but will need your help to get it there): blackbloom.wikia.com.

And now, we come to what I think may be my favorite worldbuilding exercise.

I want to hear some myths and legends and gospels of the aforementioned gods of Blackbloom.

You’re going to write them.

You have free rein as to how you write them. As flash fiction? As an epic poem? As a professor giving a lecture, as a man telling the myth to his children around a fire?

You have no more than 1000 words.

I’d recommend focusing on one or two gods in a myth — myths that claim many gods will be harder to reconcile with the other myths written in this exercise. Plus, that lets you strike more succinctly.

Further, don’t forget that myths cover a broad spectrum — creation myths, apocalyptic myths, myths of love, myths of trickery, journeys into the underworld, heroic tales, morality lessons, and so forth.

You have two weeks.

Return to us on the Eve of Christmas Eve — December 23rd, by noon, Friday.

I will choose my favorites —

Er, though perhaps not that day given that, well, that’s a holiday weekend. And I’ll be drunk on egg nog, draped in one of your Christmas trees, wearing only your stockings to cover my shame.

You’ve got lots of room to play here.

So: go play.

Let The Carousel Of Pimpage Go ‘Round And ‘Round

Whew, sorry this post is late — was up in NYC yesterday joining my writing partner Lance at the WGA to give a talk about transmedia. Was a blasty-blast, but that means I didn’t manage to sling together a post for today. Don’t look at me like that. With those sad eyes. That quivering lip. That trembling .38 snubnose in your greasy paw.

Anyway, this past week, Internet Ubermeister John Scalzi said, “Hey, come here to parade your traditionally-published books, come here to parade your self-pub works, come here to tell us about your other awesome arts and crafts.” Awesome for him to open his blog that way. Here I’ve opened the circus of pimpage from time to time, and Scalzi’s posts reminded me — hey, I have not done that in a while.

So, here we go. Just in time for the (un)holy daze of the holidays.

We’ll toss it all into one big mash —

Pimp whatever you want.

Book of any published pedigree, comic, toys, ARG, blog, Tumblr devoted to your mustache, anything and anything that can be pimped should be pimped.

Further, don’t think you have to pimp your work. The true Christmas spirit is pimping the work of someone else. Call out things you love by people you respect and tell us how to procure them.

Most important — pimping needs you to answer that “why” question. Don’t just say I WROTE BOOK HERE LINK NNGGHH — what were you, raised in a blog-barn? Sell us on it, by gum and by golly.

Now go forth! And share thee well.