25 Bad Writer Behaviors

Lately, I’ve seen some writers acting like no writer should. And it occurs to me that there’s an unholy host of behaviors that writers sometimes manifest — myself included! — that we need to watch. So, here’s a whole list of said “bad behaviors.” These are not all equal and they’re not all going to bury your career or anything, but you should stand vigil against them just the same.

1. Being An Unprofessional Fucking Asshole

Most of the items on the list fall into this category, but it feels like this needs to be said just to act as a net to catch all the naughty writerly behaviors that will slip through — don’t let your “brand” become, “That unprofessional flaming shit-bird who did that really unprofessional shitbird thing and now it’s a stain on his career like a permanent skidmark that bled through his tighty-whities and onto his khaki shorts.” If ever you’re about to perform a questionable action in person or online, ask yourself: “Is this how a professional acts? Or is this how a rampant jabber-jawed cock-waffling jerk-monster acts?” Choose wisely!

2. Responding To Negative Reviews (With More Negativity)

Fact: some people are not going to like your writing. Some people will not like your writing for reasons that are incomprehensible to you or for reasons that may cause you to sit and simmer and twitch and pee a little. Some will write negative reviews that are insightful. Some will write negative reviews that have all the wit and wisdom of a moldy stump. Do not engage. Or, at least, do not engage with negativity. Sometimes, I like to kill them with kindness. Crushing them in an eerie robotic embrace where I politely thank them and recommend for them another work of mine or perhaps the work of another author I respect. But they’re due their opinion, even if their opinion is, “I read the first five-and-a-half pages and it made me so mad I had to write this cranky one-star-review on Goodreads.” Such is the Internet. Leave it alone.

3. Fighting With Other Authors

You know who wins when authors battle authors online? Time-traveling Nazi grizzly bears. Because they win whenever anything bad happens. Authors: don’t get in a scuffle with other authors. Or, frankly, with anybody. Disagreements are one thing. Discussions, fine. Arguments are even okay, long as everyone stays polite. But don’t let it become a scuffle. Don’t be prickly. Don’t call anybody names. Because even if you’re right, you’re wrong. Wrestle with pigs, you’re gonna get muddy. Not worth it.

4. Not Reading Submission Guidelines

Submission guidelines — be they for a literary magazine, a blog, an agent or a publisher — exist for a reason. They’re not arbitrary. A bunch of editors didn’t just get high one night and giggle-snort their way through a bunch of absurd guidelines (“I’m supposed to include an SASE, a hamster, and a naked photo of my mother?”). They’re not pulling the wings off a fly; these guidelines exist for a reason. It’s making somebody’s difficult job (a job that entails fishing through dumpsters of sludge to find a rare gem) just a wee bit easier. Guidelines aren’t suggestions. Follow them.

5. Querying An Unfinished Manuscript

“Here, I half-cooked a chicken. White on the outside, pink and gooey on the inside. I call the raw parts ‘cluck butter.’ It’s like salmonella sashimi. It’s so good.” You don’t hand someone half-cooked food. You don’t half-paint a room then trumpet your proud accomplishment. So don’t query your half-a-dick manuscript (or, for the ladies, a half-a-vagina manuscript) to the world. Finish. Finish strong. Then send.

6. Annoying Editors And Agents

Editors and agents have it tough. They get a lot of shit for being gatekeepers, but here’s what happens at the gate: they stand there, arms and mouths open while a garbage truck backs up (beep beep beep) and unloads a mountain of submissions upon them daily. And, spoiler warning, ninety percent of those submissions won’t cut it. Hell, a not unreasonable percentage are toxic enough that I’m surprised Homeland Security doesn’t show up with hazmat suits and flamethrowers. So, when you annoy them with constant emails, unedited manuscripts, work that’s already been self-published or with crazily presumptive tweets, well, it just puts them one step closer to a water tower with a rifle. I’m not saying every editor and agent is a shining example, but they don’t deserve you acting like a grit of sand in the elastic of one’s underoos.

7. Responding To Rejection With Rageface

I’ve gotten some really strong rejections that taught me about the work. I’ve received rejections that were as tepid and nutritional as a cup of warm salt water. I’ve gotten rejections that were mean — mean the way a yellowjacket is mean, mean the way an unsexed Internet troll is mean. Your response should be to learn something, then move on. Your response should not be to kick a hole in your drywall and then formulate the perfect scathing response (“I REJECT YOU, SCUM-SLATHERED GUARDIAN OF THE ELITIST PUBLISHING GATES”). Calm down. Drink some chamomile.

8. Rageface, Part II: Revision Time

Your work is an ugly rock that, when thrown into the rock tumbler, comes out a polished stone. The rock tumbler is, in this clumsy metaphor, the process of revisions and that often involves getting notes from others aimed at improving the story. Such critical notes are by no means automatically helpful, but what you should never do is dig your heels in and act like a petulant whiny-head who feels threatened by the editorial process. Editors and note-givers are trying to help. Be nice, even if you disagree.

9. Drunkenly Tweeting Awful Things To People

Yeah, don’t do that.

10. Spamming Anybody With Anything Ever

There exists a not-so-fine line between self-promotion and spamming-the-shit-out-of-people. The line is, in fact, thick as a brick. Self-promo becomes spam promo soon as you become annoying with it. Soon as you stop pushing anything but your ME ME ME solipsistic fap-wank and gain equivalence to some out-of-control spam-bot. Yes, you can promote your work. I don’t follow a writer hoping he’ll keep shut about his new book, film, comic, or pornographic memoir. I just want him to talk about other stuff too. Your self-promo needs to be a pair of pom-poms, not a pair of claw hammers. Oh! And if you Auto-DM me anything ever I will find you and throw you out of one helicopter and into the spinning blades of another. Your blood-mist will rain down on an unsuspecting populace and they will cheer me.

11. Acting Racist, Sexist, Misogynist, Any Of The Hateful -Ists

I don’t even need to tell you this and, if I do, you’re probably not going to listen anyway. But don’t be a prejudiced, hate-fueled fuck-muffin. Okay? Not on purpose. Not accidentally. Not at all. As they say on the tough streets of America: “You best inspect thyself beforest thou misdirect thyself.” Or something. I’VE GOT STREET CRED SHUT UP. *gesticulates made-up gang signs then weeps quietly under desk*

12. The Authorial Meltdown

Ahh, the writer. Greased up in his own fluids, sloppily slamming himself against the walls of his Plexiglas enclosure. Melting down in public (and trust me, “on the Internet” soooo counts as being “in public”). Something-something gatekeepers. Something-something some publisher did. Something-something Amazon. Or maybe just inchoate wails of gibberish. Button that up. No meltdowns. I know that’s easier said than done — it’s not like we control our meltdowns, exactly, but forewarned is forearmed.

13. Plagiarizing Somebody Else’s Hard Work

That’s a dick move, dude. And also so obvious I shouldn’t need to tell you that writers live and die by the things that come pouring out of their headbuckets and when you repurpose their creative brain-juice as your own, Zombie Ernest Hemingway rises from the grave with a double-barrel shotgun with one barrel for your face, and the other for your crotch. We are what we write. You be you. I’ll be me.

14. Blowing Out Your Deadlines

Somebody didn’t just draw your deadline out of a deck of cards. It’s a date that somebody needs you to hit so that things can happen as they’re supposed to happen — editing and design and whatever. You miss it, you just made someone else’s life harder. Now, if you’re a writer who assumes himself the center of the creative universe, well, hey, fuck it. But if you’re a writer who realizes his impact on others: maybe hit your deadlines so that somebody isn’t scrambling to cut the slack in your rope.

15. Ignoring Your Assignment

If you’re a freelance writer, you are likely to receive instruction — “I need 2,000 words on bear-sexing by Tuesday.” What you should not do is come back on Tuesday and say, “I’ve written 5,000 words on how Ukranian falconry created the secular celibacy boom of the late 1980s.” Do the work that is assigned to you. When developing games I saw this with some frequency, and man, it always irritated my peehole into a ragged, flaming crater. Though that might’ve also been, uhh, something else.

16. Making A Butt-Ton Of Excuses

I see you, writers. And I judge. Because I’m a judgey-faced judge-hole from Planet Motherfucking Sizing-You-Up whose sole hobby is analyzing the cut of your jib. I see you on the Twitters. On the Faceyspaces. In your bloggery cottages. I see your excuses. Time. Children. Work. Sick. Writer’s block. Sleepy muse. Elk attack. Ennui. And all I think is, “It’s awfully easy for us to dig a hole with a shovel made of our own excuses.” What you think are reasons, mmm, well, probably aren’t.

17. Writing Without Editing

Writing without editing is like jumping out of a plane without a parachute. Or dressing yourself with your eyes closed. Or trying to have sex with a bear without ever having read a manual on bear-sexing and also without wearing chainmail, which is a critical part of the “bear sex” equation, I’ve found. Haven’t you?

18. Self-Publishing Your Worst Instead Of Your Best

“I invented this thing when I was drunk last night. It, like, chops onions really fast. I guess. So, I’m going to slap my name on it and stick it on the shelf at Target. I wouldn’t let any children touch it because I’m pretty sure it’ll cut their fingers off. It’s also dog-fuck ugly, like, I mean, it looks like mannequin poop. But my name’s on it! It’s all me! Tell your friends!” Nobody does this anywhere but publishing, I suspect — and yet, that’s basically what too many “indie” authors do, they shove a blob of Play-Dough onto a dirty paper plate and call it a meal. Stop that. You earn a special place in Author Hell for that.

19. Fighting In The Trenches Of The Any Imaginary War

Indie punches traditional, Amazon karate-chops B&N, print pees in the eyes of digital, whatever. The only side you should fight on is the side of your audience. With weapons forged from the steel of Good Story.

20. Flinging Sour Grapes At Authors More Successful Than You

Your envy is not productive. Not when you keep it inside and, when you let it out, it actually runs the risk of being counter-productive. Eat a fistful of sour grapes, you’ll get that “looks-like-smells-shit” face. And nobody wants to be around anybody making that face. Jealousy is unattractive. And frankly, boring.

21. Bludgeoning Folks With Your Ego

Guy rides by on a super-noisy motorcycle or whips by in some psycho-fast sports car, I like to smile and wave and loudly compliment that dude on his very tiny penis. The louder and more ego-fed you are, the less you usually have to back it up. It’s like a butterfly trying to look like an owl. Fuck that. Be the owl. The owl doesn’t need to advertise because he’s a motherfucking owl, son. Cool the ego. Nobody wants to see it.

22. Acting Like A Bully

Taking the ego up a notch is when authors act like bullies. They have an opinion or a story or some measure of success and they use it to shove everybody around. It’s gross. You should be ashamed.

23. “Hey, Will You Read My Manuscript?”

First, this: “I Will Not Read Your Fucking Script.” Second, consider aspects not mentioned there: like, say, the fact that there exist legal concerns for an author reading another author’s unpublished work — I read your book about Hot Mummy Erotica and then decide one day I want to write my own Completely Different Hot Mummy Erotica tome (50 Shades of Mum-MAY? I’m so sorry), then you’re going to get all litigious on me. As a sidenote, this is very much one of those laws I broke early on. I asked Christopher Moore to read something of mine and he was very nice and very polite in putting me in my place.

24. Failing To Appreciate Your Audience

Don’t be rude to your audience. Don’t dismiss them. Don’t treat them like idiots or like they owe you something. They’re the reason you’re here. They’re the reason you get to do what you do.

25. Talking About Writing Without Actually Writing

I distrust writing advice from writers who appear to never write anything. So too do I see too many writers talking about writing without actually committing pen to paper (or fingers to keys or, I dunno, ink-dipped genitals to linoleum floor), and that’s a super-huge-mega-no-no. Now, I’m not averse to talking about writing. I talk about writing a lot. What do you think I just did for the last 2200 words? But I also wrote 2000 words today not in the blog, 2000 words today of “I’m walking the walk, talking the talk, slinging the ink, punching the panda.” Talking about writing is just another way to waste time, in public, except here the clever ruse is how very productive it feels. It ain’t. Writing means writing. Writing doesn’t mean talking. So get off the soapbox. Set aside the microphone. Pick up that pen before I stab you with it.

Want another hot tasty dose of dubious writing advice aimed at your facemeats?

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500 WAYS TO BE A BETTER WRITER: $2.99 at Amazon (US), Amazon (UK), B&N, PDF

500 MORE WAYS TO BE A BETTER WRITER: $2.99 at Amazon (US), Amazon (UK), B&N, PDF

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REVENGE OF THE PENMONKEY: $2.99 at Amazon (US), Amazon (UK), B&N, PDF


  • #10 oh my god #10. I’m still learning the twitter ropes but this is one I’ve learned very quickly. Why would anyone follow someone who is doing literally nothing but constantly promoting links to their own stuff. Heck, half the time they aren’t even tweeting it, they’ve just set up auto timed tweets to repeat over and over until you want to start breaking rules #3 and #9.

  • #25 is my biggest issue. I often stop my blogging during unannounced hiatuses because I feel like I’m talking too much about writing without actually writing. It’s just so much easier and instantly satisfying, which is bad cause that same energy and need to scratch that itch can be better used for writing your manuscript.

    I’m definitely working on it.

  • Can I add one to the list? #26, Passive-Aggressive Whiny Bullshit. If you have a beef with someone, hash it out with that person. Don’t broadcast general woes without context just to gain attention or belittle the person in question. I’m certainly not going to read anything written by a participant in that kind of petty behavior.

  • Oh sweet Lord, Number Ten. Any time I follow someone and get a direct message from them I’m tempted to hit “Unfollow” immediately. Fortunately I rarely if ever get a second such message, but it’s still annoying as all shitfuck.

    And… sometimes I worry about Number Twenty-Five. But if I’m not writing I’m probably not writing about writing, either. But I still need to write more. Or outline more, at the moment.

  • I derived so much glee from this…

    “And if you Auto-DM me anything ever I will find you and throw you out of one helicopter and into the spinning blades of another. Your blood-mist will rain down on an unsuspecting populace and they will cheer me.”

    … and I’m a little worried about what that says about me as a person.

    ANYway. As I was reading number 4 (about not following submission guidelines), I was wondering what you thought about willfully emailing editors directly instead of using the catch-all submissions email address. Because I’ve been told that using the catch-all submissions email address sends your query into an infinite black hole of nothingness, and that you should always make the extra effort to track down the contact info for the appropriate editor. AM I MAKING ALL EDITORS EVER HATE ME!?

    (Actually, when I was querying literary agents, I used the catch-all submissions email address for one agency because their submissions guidelines scared me. Several months later, they finally got back to me and were all “btw you can ignore those guidelines and email us directly.” And then I ended up signing with them. I’m not quite sure what lesson I should derive from this… )

    • @Steph:

      Well, it sure proves that one path is never the same as another!

      I think mostly it’s you being professional and polite and all that and that’s always a good way. Connecting with any editor or agent in a personal and professional and totally-not-crazy way is helpful, I think.

      — c.

  • You’ve hit the nail on the head again Chuck. I learned the hard way about number 2 and 3 rules… luckily it was on fanfiction.net several years ago via the private message system and we ended up making nice. Very ashamed of that act…. and that’s what happens when you let two emotional teenagers criticize each other’s work! They end up at each other’s throats…

    Nowadays I go with the sugar-sweet “thank you so much for the constructive criticism” approach… and depending whether or not they seemed to be genuinely trying to help me or just flaming me, I sometimes mean it 🙂

    Thanks for sharing!

  • Awesome list, Chuck. And I’ve been guilty of a couple of them, ironically back when I was an unpublished jerk-off who thought I was The. Most. Amazing. Writer. Ever. Lesson learned: None of the crap you listed above will help get anyone published.

    That being said, I must disagree about #16. Elk attacks are perfectly acceptable excuses for not writing. Those antlers are massive.

  • Excellent on all counts – #10 is the one that has me reaching for sharp objects

    I appreciate self-promotion since that’s part of our job as writers, and I’ve been known to post a review or two that I’m proud of (as well as a couple that weren’t so flattering because they raised conversation points worth addressing), but .the incessant blasting of posts telling me to “BUY MY BOOK!” gets my needle in the red. It’s kind of like the nerdy little kid back in grade school standing out in the playground yelling, “Look at me!”.

    The biggest problem most indie writers face is attracting readers but the solution is not to use FB (or any/all other social media platforms) as your 24/7 marketing tool.

  • I really like secular Buddhist philosophy when it comes to dealing with your emotions. You just kind of pat them on the head, tell them, “That’s nice,” and send them on their way. A lot of these problems on this list boil down to people having the belief that their emotions are very important. If you can use envy to spurn your writing, great, but if all you do is whinge, then you need to send envy on its way.

  • #25.5 Reading about writing instead of actually getting around to writing.

    I’m getting better about this, but I do tend to read too many writing blogs and then realize I haven’t actually accomplished anything.

  • Caveat to #17: Editing does not have to happen as you write, but should be done several times before you even think about submitting for consideration.

    Editing-as-I-go tends to be a huge roadblock for me. I get bogged down in polishing what I already wrote that I don’t write new scenes. I’m trying my best to push editing to the second draft, because my previous modus operandi resulted in a lot of deceased projects.

  • This is so brilliant, I just want to hug you and maybe cry a little.

    I don’t write, but I love reading. As a result of this I like to chat books online and occasionally interact with authors. This year however, after witnessing more then a few authors break several of these rules, I’ve started reacting to some writers in the same manner that I react to seeing a spider in my kitchen. SOMEONE SQUISH IT!

    Writers, just please remember to respect your readers. At all costs! Even if it means unplugging your computer and gaining a few pounds from whatever comfort food you prefer.

    Something I feel should also maybe be mentioned, authors who seriously abuse having a fanbase. There have been several incidents this year where authors have turned to twitter and linked to a negative review / blog, essentially yelling “ATTACK!” Please, please, don’t create trolls! You don’t know what sort of power your messing with! There is no calling them back once you let them loose on a person and for that person it’s the same as if you commented yourself. Rule #2 encompasses a lot more then you would think.

    • ‘There have been several incidents this year where authors have turned to twitter and linked to a negative review / blog, essentially yelling “ATTACK!” Please, please, don’t create trolls! You don’t know what sort of power your messing with! There is no calling them back once you let them loose on a person and for that person it’s the same as if you commented yourself. Rule #2 encompasses a lot more then you would think.’

      Word to this! Add it to the list.

      — c.

  • You should have a #20.5 where you sneak in something about rampant obsequiousness and suckassery up the food chain on social networks. I’d take a handful of these instead of those any day.

  • Luckily, I’ve avoided some of these very mistakes by having watched other writers succumb to the ego, meltdowns, challenging reviews, arguing and other stuff. But I know I’m guilty of some of them, too.

    Thanks for posting this, and in such a funny way. I would point out particular numbers which struck me, but they all did, in their own way. I will admit to laughing at #16 enough to earn a few strange looks from cubicle neighbors.

  • In fairness to #5, I do frequently send my agent 15K or so and say “Should I finish this? Can you find anybody to pay me to finish this?” and she’s sold two books that way. Then I finished them. (Okay, okay, working on finishing the second one.) And, on at least one occasion, she made a convincing case for back-burnering it, then came back a year later and told me to pull it out of mothballs and finish the thing. (My metaphor is getting tangled.)

    Only really works when they already KNOW you can finish a book, though.

    Regarding #14, if you can actually get stuff done EARLY, you will often find yourself the recipient of small grateful notes from editors, and go down in their books as “That Author We Love To Work With Because They Get Stuff Done.” I don’t think that’s enough to sell a bad book, but it may go a long way to taking a chance on a weird book.

  • Laughed and learned! Then struck from memory all the times I have been a supreme arsehole as a writer and refastened the ol’ ego gaffle a little tighter. 🙂

  • Bear sex, as I’ve researched it works best by giving the *female* (this is key, see chapter 3) bear chocolate in November until she slips into hibernation. If she’ll sleep through giving birth to twins, she’ll sleep through you. Start with smaller bears, like sunbears. NOT KOALAS! They may look cute any fuzzy, but they are drug-crazed slicing machines. (see pictures in center, his estate let us print them). In the final chapter, I warn about bear fidelity. Bears aren’t as monogamous as crows (see my previous work) but don’t let them see you in the Old Faithful picnic area with another female . . . ever. They don’t see too well, but female bears never forget a smell and can follow you well into Montana.

  • In all seriousness, negative reviews happen to everyone. I can generally find at least one positive/constructive item for each. If they give you a D+ but say they couldn’t put it down till 2AM, you probably just missed your target audience. That’s why I don’t submit to Romance reviewers anymore; I don’t want them complaining about all the science in my Science Fiction. However, after admitting my mistakes (don’t defend!) I often ask for details for improvement. Most of those reviewers never respond, but the ones that do end up in my early crit circle and following my blog. Best review I ever got was “Get a real cover. Here are three people who can do it in your price range.”

  • Loved this post. Particularly how it works to spread non-douchebaggary over the internet.

    One thing I felt lacking was the “Don’t Litarate All Over Genre Writers With Your Literate Literatureness,” point. This one disheartened me the first time I ever tried to reach out to a writers’ group. Clearly I was looking in the wrong place, but damn they could have been nicer about it. I’ve tried to keep it from making me loathe all literary writers based on a single pack of jerks, though.

  • This was seriously the best list of anything, ever. I remember reading about #9 elsewhere and #16 is one I definitely need to work on. Procrastination is the enemy.

  • “Second: “Don’t be a prejudiced, hate-fueled fuck-muffin.” <— I feel this should be on a t-shirt."

    Dear JM Dow: I would totally buy that T-shirt.

  • Rule 25 needs to be moved right to the tippy-top of this list. “2000 words every day? But how?” I hate hearing this at writing groups. If 2000 words seems like a lot, then you aren’t a writer.


  • The responding to negative reviews entry could’ve been illustrated with the behavior of Richard Ford, who, upon meetig him, once spat in the face of a reviewer who gave him a bad reviewer. Ppersonally, I would’ve decked Ford so quickly his ancestors would’ve felt it. Ford also, along with this wife, decided to shoot holes in a copy of a book by Alice Hoffman because she once wrote something not quite sterling in a review of one of his novels — while doing THAT might have been okay, letting it go public just underscores what dick Richard Ford really is. Sadly, his book sales and such haven’t been affected.

    And while Ford’s behavior could have also illustrated the unprofessional asshole entry, a recent, very public, comment by V.S. Naipaul — Nobel winner and self-important idiot — about how women don’t write important work the way men do, could likewise be used there — and under the mysgonist, etc., entry.

    Finally, perhaps you should have put something in about NEVER opening up a blog/forum wherein current writers can go on and on about their political beliefs. Even if five of the last six recent novels by Dan Simmons hadn’t shown a marked decline in quality, I would’ve been turned off of his writing by crazy, rightwing, stuff he — and apparently very loyal followers — continually post on the forum of his internet site. So another entry, number 26, might be, “Don’t — DON”T! — Under Any Circumstances Listen to the Crazy Voice in Your Head That Tells You to Share Your Political Views WIth the World”.

    • I don’t actually agree that sharing your political views constitutes bad behavior. You may lose readers — and, you may want to button it up if your political views violently clash with those of your audiences OR are the political views of a total farking moonbat, but all told, I think too many authors are afraid to share their opinions.

      One should be free to share political opinions.

      One should just not be an asshole about it.

      — c.

  • Great list Chuck, thanks for this.

    As someone who is very new to this, could you (or anyone else who is passing and not doing something unspeakable to a bear) give me some guidance re: self-publishing?

    What’s the deal with approaching traditional editors with stuff that’s already been self-pubbed? A definite no-no?

    • @Phil:

      My understanding is, it’s a no-no unless it sold like, really well.

      Some authors are upset at this, but they have to understand, self-published actually means PUBLISHED — and publishers don’t necessarily want already published material unless it’s a firecracker of a seller.

      — c.

  • “Don’t Litarate All Over Genre Writers With Your Literate Literatureness”
    @David Z: I totally agree. I don’t even write genre fiction, but I still absolutely respect it, often reading it more than non-genre stuff. I hate having to say I write “literary fiction” because that sounds about as pretentious as adjusting my monocle while pinching snuff from an ivory box.

    I’m sorry you’ve had bad experiences at writing groups because of this kind of attitude. I also don’t feel like genre writers can’t comment on literary fiction or vice versa, because the basics of what makes good prose are still fairly universal. My writing groups work out pretty well despite such varied interests.

    Should you decide to look again for a writer’s group, I wish you the best of luck!

  • The only bad behavior I have seen on twitter was from agents. One agent had a total meltdown on Goodreads because a reviewer dared to offer a balanced critique of her client’s hideous novel.

    Sick of writers being told to behave. How about the so-called “professionals”?

  • Wow, Very warped verbiage here. None of it professional at all and some of it so wild as to be mildly unintelligible. What is a fuck-muffin? I don’t know, I was going to share this on my FB business site but I fear the professional writers who might stumble upon my page, would wonder if I had let some sort of earwigs nest in my brain. Really, this was an odd piece which I think only a certain element of society would be able to understand. What I might do is edit it in order to provide a better translation of your grotesqueries.

    • @David:

      Assuming you’re seriously and not, y’know, joking —

      Yeah, please don’t edit it down. The points are the points. The writing is the writing, like it or no.


      — c.

  • L. O. Freaking. L.

    The choice of picture is just perfect. PERFECT. I’m bookmarking this. And sharing it on Facebook.

    I hate #23. Invariably, I’m asked to read someone’s work and it sucks dogmeat. Or they can’t take criticism (and I try damn hard to make it nice). Not to mention the legal issues, which you did. I decided not to do it anymore, unless they pay me to be a reader and agree to accept a critique without doing #8.

  • “So another entry, number 26, might be, “Don’t — DON”T! — Under Any Circumstances Listen to the Crazy Voice in Your Head That Tells You to Share Your Political Views WIth the World”.” @vint—I so totally support you in this. I vote for number 26 also. I’ve been guilty of it, and I learned early on what a freaking idiot I was. And I’m not even a political crack-pot!

    This was a fantastic list, and timely from what I’ve seen in my tiny little sub-genre lately (oh, another shout out for not literating your literate ass all over my genre), but I can’t help thinking the people that need to know this stuff aren’t reading it, and if they are, they’re quite sure they aren’t guilty of any of it.

  • I love your brain….If ever I become a zombie, yours is first on my list! Anything that spews forth that much funny has *got to be pretty damn tasty 😛

    (Not a writer, just a reader and lover of the funny 🙂 )

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