Fresh Outta The Oven: 500 Ways To Tell A Better Story

And the final “Book of 500″ is out.

Let’s just get those pesky “How The Hell Do I Download This Into My Brain?” options outta the way:

Buy at Amazon (US)!

Buy at Amazon (UK)!

Buy at Barnes & Noble!

To buy direct from me, click the BUY button below — you will receive all three versions (MOBI, ePub, PDF). I generally fulfill orders soon as I see them, but just in case allow for 24 hours.


Wait, What The Hell Is This?

If you’re not aware, I like to do these (not-so-)little lists here at the site, my so-called “lists of 25.” In each I list 25 “things” about a specific subject related to storytelling, writing, or publishing.

I compile these lists into e-books for ease-of-use. That way they’re all in a single location should you choose to wiggle-waggle your toes in the waters of my dubious writing wisdom.

The other books include:

250 Things You Should Know About Writing

500 Ways To Be A Better Writer

500 More Ways To Be A Better Writer

And now, this one.

And Inside The Book I’ll Find What, Exactly?

This book aims to help you be a stronger writer and a savvier storyteller. You’ll learn how to infuse your narrative with mystery and gain tips on tackling the first chapter or mushy middle of your story. The book answers questions like, “What is transmedia? Why is now the coolest time to be a storyteller? How do I write a fantasy novel? What’s this guy’s fascination with unicorns, pornography, whiskey, and profanity?” And, finally, “Where are my pants? I was wearing pants when I started reading this book.”

The book roves giddily between advice that is practical, abstract, and downright satirical. Whether you’re a novelist, screenwriter or game designer, contained within you’ll find an exploration of what it is that we do – and how we do it better.

The book is, of course, very NSFW.

It may in fact be NSFL.

Those with heart conditions, weak constitutions, or frail dispositions should avoid, avoid, avoid.

The book contains the following lists (italics indicates never-before-published here):

  • 25 Lies Writers Tell (And Start To Believe)
  • 25 Realizations Writers Need To Have
  • 25 Reasons I Hate Your Main Character
  • 25 Reasons Now Is The Best Time To Be A Storyteller
  • 25 Reasons You Should Quit Writing
  • 25 Things All Writers Need
  • 25 Things I Learned While Writing Blackbirds
  • 25 Things I Want To Say To So-Called “Aspiring” Writers
  • 25 Things To Know About Writing The First Chapter Of Your Novel
  • 25 Things Writers Should Know About Creating Mystery
  • 25 Things You Should Know About Creativity
  • 25 Things You Should Know About Transmedia Storytelling
  • 25 Things You Should Know About Word Choice
  • 25 Things You Should Know About Writing Fantasy
  • 25 Things You Should Know About Writing Sex
  • 25 Things You Should Know About Writing Short Stories
  • 25 Ways To Earn Your Audience
  • 25 Ways To Fight Your Story’s Mushy Middle
  • 25 Ways To Unfuck Your Story
  • 25 Ways To Write Full-Time

Why Should I Buy This?

Because you’re a writer and you like to laugh and learn and think.

Because you like to binge on creative profanity.

Because you want to support this website and fund its continued existence.

Because you want to — by proxy — help feed my 13-month-old “human vacuum,” AKA “B-Dub.”

Because you’re an obsessive e-book hoarder.

Because you hate me and want to punish me with crass, filthy lucre, staining me with the sin of commerce.

Because you have three bucks and it’s this or, y’know, another phial of crack rock.

Because you like FREE BOOKS, MOTHERFUCKER (see below):

Free Book, Motherfucker!

For this week only (Monday June 24th to Monday, July 2nd), if you buy this book, I’ll also comp you a copy of the last “book of 500,” 500 More Ways. If you buy direct via terribleminds (using the BUY button above), you need to take no additional steps — this “free book” is automatic and I’ll send it right along (and if you already own it, hey, send it to someone you know). However, if you buy via Amazon or B&N, you’ll need to send me some kind of receipt or proof of purchase, emailed to me at terribleminds at gmail dot com.

Dig? Dig.

Wait, Did You Say “Final Book?”

This is the final book of 500.

I aim to, by the end of this, have 2000 total “things” about writing out in the world. So, we’ve got 250 + 500 + 500 + 500 = BOOBS — er, no, wait, I mean, = 1750. So, we’ve got 250 to go.

So, you’ll see another 10 or so of these “lists of 25″

After that –? Well, who knows? I’ve got some writing books in the works that will be providing content not found at all here at the site, but time will tell when those come scratching at your electronic door.

More Wallpapers

Below, more wallpapers! Click the image to be taken to Flickr, where you may download and share to your heart’s delight. (At Flickr, click View All Sizes for variable size downloads.)

Please to enjoy, and thanks for helping to spread the word!

43 comments

  • Abby

    June 25, 2012 at 6:57 AM // Reply

    Looks really good! I love your little penmonkey logo, so epic. And the free book just sold me on it. Looking forward to reading both of them!

  • Gru'ud

    June 25, 2012 at 8:08 AM // Reply

    Okay, I bit. Having bought the first 500 ways, I’ll now be the proud owner of a triumvirate of prolific, profanity laced profundities. Plus, I’ve bought diapers before, and they ain’t cheap.

    PS, how do you feel about alliteration? ^-^

  • Amber J. Gardner

    June 25, 2012 at 8:17 AM // Reply

    Its amazing. I probably don’t need this book. I might not even read it completely since I’ve learned that I dont read ebooks on my computer or at least if I can’t in one sitting, I often forget about it (i really need an ebook). And yet…with barely skimming my eyes over this post…

    *clicks buy*

    I’m an addict.

  • Paul Baxter

    June 25, 2012 at 9:06 AM // Reply

    Hooray! It’s just like Christmas morning, only six months early! Delivered by a guy with a beard, but… Wait. Those aren’t eight tiny reindeer, are they? That’s OK. Eight magical unicorns: EVEN BETTER!

  • Paul Baxter

    June 25, 2012 at 9:28 AM // Reply

    Oh, and in case you’re thinking MAGICAL unicorns is redundant? We’ve got unicorns around here like New York City has rats. But magical unicorns, bringing a bearded guy bearing books? That’s special, even in THESE parts. And by “these parts”, I mean my neighborhood.

    Now if you’ll excuse me, I’ve got to shoo the unicorns off my lawn.

  • Amber J. Gardner

    June 25, 2012 at 9:51 AM // Reply

    Unicorns the size of mice….and a plague of them in New York City. Some with wings, the size of hummingbirds but with the behavior of mosquitoes or flies.

    Huh. Story ideas at Terribleminds comments section. This site just keeps on giving.

  • Mark Matthews

    June 25, 2012 at 11:40 AM // Reply

    Love it! I have purchased your books and that’s what lead me to your site. You are my fav writing ‘teacher’, so to speak, due to the practical language you speak in. So much of the rest is the same repackaged crap.

    Permission to re-use any of those pieces of wallpaper? No, not for my bathroom, for my own blog. I will give full credit, of course.

  • Jim Franklin

    June 25, 2012 at 12:13 PM // Reply

    Just bought it.

    By the way, the first wallpaper is now adorning my monitor at work. Interestingly enough, the red patches on it correspond exactly to where I have been beating my head.

    Weird eh?

  • Danzier

    June 27, 2012 at 2:44 AM // Reply

    Bronson: nope, he just decided to use his power of salesmanship to get 100% commission. :D

    Gru’ud: alliteration is like vanilla ice cream with vanilla bean bits in it. Sometimes it’s great, and sometimes you choke and a random stranger gives you the Heimlich maneuver and accidentally breaks your ribs and gives you pneumonia.

    And I, too, wait with baited breath for the book about the friggin’ unicorns eatin’ all my oreos and crappin’ all over the house… Wait, that was an orangutan.. What was I saying? Oh, right, pest unicorns. Yeah, that.

  • Mike Manz

    July 2, 2012 at 11:18 AM // Reply

    I just received my first ever payment for freelance ghostwriting. I am now officially a professional writer. Just so you know, this book was the first thing I bought with my pay.

    Don’t forget my copy of “more ways” too! ;)