Apple-Obsessed Author Fella

Fake Spam From The Ancient Accountants

I just got this email:

Dear Sir/Madam,

I is Archibold N.M. Bettesworth, the Personal Underling to the Ancient One. After a lengthy investigations of scrolls and tombs, we discovered that your lineage is heir to an overdue payment, which was unissued due to dimensional legislation at the time payment was obliged.

However, due to current strict rules of dimensional matter we are unfairly unable to honor the agreement between the Ancient One and your Great-great-great Grandfather. Our best scholars and top occultists have assured us that there is no way to produce the 6.66 Million Dollars that is owed to you because of the obtuse laws that govern interdimensional monetary dispensation. Successfully, our best investigators had found a loophole that allow us to extricate the monies to you, the descendent of your Great-great Grandfather the original party to the contracts, in exchange for the minor allocation of your soul, which we are equally unhappy with but believe to be best course for both parties.

We know this money would have been very been a facial to your family in the recent stresses of the economy and rapid steep fiscal cliff. As such we desire to give you all your money faster. Therefore you are advised to re-confirm your ancestry to your Great-great-great Grandfather and repeat the following incantation whilst in the middle of a pentagram diagram the eve of a full moon night:

“Nunc ego tribuo meus animus ut aperta mundorum et liberum Obscuram Princeps. Et ubi est vita vestigiis pergamus.”

Please email me and confirm that I have reached the correct descendant of your Great-great-great Grandfather.

Most gratifully yours,

N.M. Bettesworth

Personal Underling to the Ancient One

That doesn’t even need my commentary.

Whoever wrote that, well-played. It even has some fucked-up grammar in there. (Or maybe that was accidental, who can say?) Is this a joke? A riff on the earlier FBI spam mail I got?

Either way: funny stuff.

I mean, don’t do it again. This is a one-time-only amusement. I don’t want a deluge of “ha-ha-funny-not-spam” emails drowning me.

But still: well-played.

I wonder if I should write back?