Last Chance To Get Off The Ride

I know, I know, I don’t want to be talking about this shit either.

I’d rather be talking about literally anything else.

Puppies. Sunshine. Empanadas. Butt plugs.

(Not coincidentally, those are also the nuclear launch codes.)

Anyway, short post, but here it is:

If you’re a person out there who supported this president and who supported the political party to which he supposedly belongs, here’s your chance to get off the ride. Well, first, fuck you, because you should’ve known better. Smarter people told you this was bad, that he was a mean, evil dope. He told you that he was a mean evil dope when he called Mexicans rapists and he copped to sexual assaulting women and making fun of a disabled reporter and pushing the Obama birther conspiracy for miles past its already ludicrous inception pointWe all knew he was the human embodiment of two rats fucking inside an old clown shoe. That pantsuit lady with the emails also told us all who we were dealing with. She warned us about Russia. She warned us about a guy you can bait with a tweet. She told us who he was even as he also told us who he was. The newspapers told us. The experts told us. Little children told us. We knew.

We totally knew. You knew, too.

But hey, let’s pretend you didn’t know.

Let’s say this is your period of amnesty.

This period of amnesty — and this goes toward voters, politicians, businessfolk — is a very small window. Like, so small the window is closing as we speak. So small you’re going to have to leap through it like Indiana Jones grabbing his hat before the catacomb door comes slamming down on his hand. (Indiana Jones, by the way, is one of many pop culture heroes of ours who punched Nazis. Just in case you were confused about what we once believed was good and just.)

We know who is in the Oval Office.

We know he’s a kiss-ass quisling who wants to sell us to Russia.

We know he’s a guy who can’t get anything done except tweet.

We know he’s a hypocrite who does everything he has ever criticized.

We know he’s a mean evil dope.

And now we know that he is a white supremacist who stands with white supremacists. He will not condemn them. He will condemn everyone but them, just as he won’t condemn Russia. He is compromised politically, morally, emotionally. He stands up for Nazis more than he stands up for the common man. He stands for two of our past enemies, and not for our present allies.

He is a danger. He is a craven cur. He is a con-man. He is a grease-slick turd. He’s King Midas with poopy shit-fingers instead of a gold touch.

It is time to get off the train.

Because right now, it’s up over the hill. It’s on the downward slope. It’s gaining speed as it roars down the tracks. You can jump out now, maybe sprain a wrist, maybe scuff your knees, but you’ll live. Our democracy will live. But you stay on this train? It’s going to crash hard into a wall. Just as we told you who you were electing, we’re also warning you know that the wall is swiftly rushing up to greet us — oh no, not his wall, not the wall across the border, but the wall that will end his presidency and, if our luck does not hold, our democracy. This is real. It’s happening. Get off now or you’ll be onboard when it crashes, too.

If you’re not one of those people, you probably know some who are. Friends or family. People on Facebook. The media you watch, the writers you read. Even the politicians who represent you. Confront them. Condemn them. Let them know that you will not stand by them if they choose to stand by this administration. If they continue to stand by it, then they need to go. They must get gone. Because either they’re mean, or they’re evil, or they’re dopes, too.

This is it, folks.

Up over the hill, rickety-clack down the tracks we go.

(P.S. — above image is Photoshopped.)

(P.P.S. — if you have not seen the Vice documentary out of Charlottesville — well, go watch it. It’s not an easy thing to watch, but if you can stomach it, I suggest you try.)

(P.P.S.S. — if your response to this is some kind of LESS POLITICS MORE FUNNY BOOK STUFF rebuke, trust me, I wish that’s where my head was at right now, but it’s not. I’m going to talk about this stuff because it’s real and because it matters and because it matters a lot more than where you put a comma or whether or not write what you know is a thing or whether or not that character on Game of Thrones is faking her pregnancy. You can read the blog or not, you can buy my books or not. You can engage with what’s going on around you or not.)


  • The problem for Republicans who want to be “heard” — who want to be treated respectfully — who want to be let off with “my vote isn’t ME” — is that they have no credibility at this point. Sorry. “Nice” republicans have been backing, supporting and defending liars and now monsters year after year after year. They did all kinds of justifying and evasion and rationalizing and now we’re here and armed Nazis are terrorizing people. Chuck’s point is spot on: the window is closing. The time has passed for rationalizing, justifying and evasion. It’s “come to Jesus” time. Admit you blew it, apologize and try to atone. Or resign yourself to being despised going forward.

    Quit expecting people to “listen” to your pov. That ship has sailed. Your POV is crap, was always crap, was filled with lies and greed and self-righteousness and complicity. There is no forgiving a person who won’t admit a wrong. So fine, you don’t want to admit it publicly, don’t. Just quit asking for understanding from people who are exercising self-control to keep from really going off on you. Admit to yourself you blew it and do something about it. Or don’t. Do whatever the hell you want. But there ARE consequences.

    Republicans have been able to have it both ways for too, too long. They’ve been skunks and haven’t paid a price. Well the bill has come due. You are now inextricably linked to white supremacists and nazis. You are a link in the chain to them. You just are. Doesn’t matter if you don’t agree with them, you helped them. Your party leaders empowered them and you voted for your party leaders. Your fucking vote mattered. You probably also passed along various GOP lies. You didn’t call them out for the lies. You helped. You helped and now a young woman is dead, others were injured and more will be. YOU DID THAT. So quit with the “I’m not a bad person, why are you being mean to me?” We don’t have the patience for your self-pity right now.

  • It’s hard to speak up. You (generic you, not necessarily Chuck) get ignored/reviled on social media. People tell you to protect your “brand.” So thank God you’re speaking up.

    I found a bit of comfort on Facebook, where a writer whose work I respect said that he has left the party. Frankly, I was shocked that he was still in the party, since I hadn’t been following his feed, but at least he left after the swastikas came up, and a killer ran citizens down with his car, and Trump tried to gloss it over.

    What we’re asking for is common sense and critical thinking. Is this *really* what you wanted? Is this what you support?

    If so, we know exactly what you stand for.

    If not, jump. Jump far and jump now.

  • April 23, 2018 at 12:23 AM // Reply

    Dear Chuck, pensimian

    Here’s my initial reaction:
    “He said butt-plug! Uhhuh-huh, uhhuh, uhh-huh-huh-huh! Butt-plugs smell like poop. Uhhuh-uhuh, uhh-huhuh!”
    (Beavis and Buttplug)

    And my secondary reaction:
    Donald Trump is a filthy fucking scumbag who desrves to die. He is worth less than that icky stuff under your shoe, when you step on chewing gum.He makes the rectal cavitiy of a disease filled rat look like a place where I would gladly spend my time, rather than even think of Trump the Dump. He gives me chills of disgust, and goosebumps where the geese are trembling of fear. The excuse of a man, a psychotic, disturbed creep who should be locked up.


    When Dumpster dies, Satan will not let him in, due to the fact that the Dumper is more evil than evil. Mega evil!I EEEEVIL! I hope he rots in some forsaken little hole somewhere, where filthy crows come and pick out his eyes, his liver, his heart (if he has one), and he will gladly accept their company, because nobody else will want to spend time with that filthy cretin corpse!

    And now that I’ve exhausted my arsenal of mean shit to say, here’s my third reaction:

    You, Chuck Wendig, are one helluva Writer! I’m talking balls of steel, witty word usage, whacky and sharp tongue and pen twisting that makes Ernest Hemingway tremble in his grave! No wait, not Ernest, here’s who I meant: George Carlin. YES! I bet George is sitting up there on his cloud, laughing his ass off, pointing at you and saying: “This motherfucker is funny as hell! Look at him go!”

    Okay, I’ve said my shit, thats it, now I split.


    word scribbler and dribbler

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