Apple-Obsessed Author Fella

Last Chance To Get Off The Ride

I know, I know, I don’t want to be talking about this shit either.

I’d rather be talking about literally anything else.

Puppies. Sunshine. Empanadas. Butt plugs.

(Not coincidentally, those are also the nuclear launch codes.)

Anyway, short post, but here it is:

If you’re a person out there who supported this president and who supported the political party to which he supposedly belongs, here’s your chance to get off the ride. Well, first, fuck you, because you should’ve known better. Smarter people told you this was bad, that he was a mean, evil dope. He told you that he was a mean evil dope when he called Mexicans rapists and he copped to sexual assaulting women and making fun of a disabled reporter and pushing the Obama birther conspiracy for miles past its already ludicrous inception pointWe all knew he was the human embodiment of two rats fucking inside an old clown shoe. That pantsuit lady with the emails also told us all who we were dealing with. She warned us about Russia. She warned us about a guy you can bait with a tweet. She told us who he was even as he also told us who he was. The newspapers told us. The experts told us. Little children told us. We knew.

We totally knew. You knew, too.

But hey, let’s pretend you didn’t know.

Let’s say this is your period of amnesty.

This period of amnesty — and this goes toward voters, politicians, businessfolk — is a very small window. Like, so small the window is closing as we speak. So small you’re going to have to leap through it like Indiana Jones grabbing his hat before the catacomb door comes slamming down on his hand. (Indiana Jones, by the way, is one of many pop culture heroes of ours who punched Nazis. Just in case you were confused about what we once believed was good and just.)

We know who is in the Oval Office.

We know he’s a kiss-ass quisling who wants to sell us to Russia.

We know he’s a guy who can’t get anything done except tweet.

We know he’s a hypocrite who does everything he has ever criticized.

We know he’s a mean evil dope.

And now we know that he is a white supremacist who stands with white supremacists. He will not condemn them. He will condemn everyone but them, just as he won’t condemn Russia. He is compromised politically, morally, emotionally. He stands up for Nazis more than he stands up for the common man. He stands for two of our past enemies, and not for our present allies.

He is a danger. He is a craven cur. He is a con-man. He is a grease-slick turd. He’s King Midas with poopy shit-fingers instead of a gold touch.

It is time to get off the train.

Because right now, it’s up over the hill. It’s on the downward slope. It’s gaining speed as it roars down the tracks. You can jump out now, maybe sprain a wrist, maybe scuff your knees, but you’ll live. Our democracy will live. But you stay on this train? It’s going to crash hard into a wall. Just as we told you who you were electing, we’re also warning you know that the wall is swiftly rushing up to greet us — oh no, not his wall, not the wall across the border, but the wall that will end his presidency and, if our luck does not hold, our democracy. This is real. It’s happening. Get off now or you’ll be onboard when it crashes, too.

If you’re not one of those people, you probably know some who are. Friends or family. People on Facebook. The media you watch, the writers you read. Even the politicians who represent you. Confront them. Condemn them. Let them know that you will not stand by them if they choose to stand by this administration. If they continue to stand by it, then they need to go. They must get gone. Because either they’re mean, or they’re evil, or they’re dopes, too.

This is it, folks.

Up over the hill, rickety-clack down the tracks we go.

(P.S. — above image is Photoshopped.)

(P.P.S. — if you have not seen the Vice documentary out of Charlottesville — well, go watch it. It’s not an easy thing to watch, but if you can stomach it, I suggest you try.)

(P.P.S.S. — if your response to this is some kind of LESS POLITICS MORE FUNNY BOOK STUFF rebuke, trust me, I wish that’s where my head was at right now, but it’s not. I’m going to talk about this stuff because it’s real and because it matters and because it matters a lot more than where you put a comma or whether or not write what you know is a thing or whether or not that character on Game of Thrones is faking her pregnancy. You can read the blog or not, you can buy my books or not. You can engage with what’s going on around you or not.)