NSFW: The Collected Profanity Of Blackbirds And Mockingbird (Book Trailer)
Fuck. Fuck off. Fuck it. Fuck you. Some Podunk fuckwit country tune. We shall not be fucking. Fuck this. Shit that. My fair fuckin’ lady. God-fucked motel. You fuckin’ whore. A rust-fucked pickup. Eat a dick and die, fuckpie. Frat-fucks. Dumb fucker. I fucking love Google. Hoity-fucking-toity. Bugfuck nuts. Fuckin’ prick. The sun can go fuck itself. The Sunshine Café can go fuck itself equally. Dog-fucker of a mother. Fucking dickwipe. Ass-fuck, New Mexico. The motherfucking mongoose. The motherfucking apocalypse. “Mother cock sucker and fucker.” We’re fucked. Everybody’s fucked. Basehead tweaker fuckface. You fucking shitcock asshole. Hairless Fucker. Jumping Fucking Jesus. Froo-froo piece-of-shit donkey-fucker skinhead. Bullshit. Apeshit. Chickenshit. No shit. Shithead. Shit-canned. Baby shit yellow. Batshit highway witch. The Holy Shit I’m Dead Express. Shits blood and dies. Shitbird Lane. Shithouse spider. Cut the ‘little girl’ shit, paleface. I’mma squeeze the dogshit out of you. You’ll be shitting legal papers till the stars burn out. Slicker than gooseshit on a glass window. This emo shit gives me a rash. Neither shit nor shinola. Shit Creek. Shit River. I don’t want to ingest particles of cat shit. Shit-ton of lighthouses. Shitload of squirrels. Shithole party. Hammered shit. Favorite little shithead! Rock out with your cock out. His cock in his hand. Syphilis is rotting your cock off. Cocksucker. Cat piss. Piss and Doritos. Piss in your Wheaties. Piss-shivers. He might as well have a couple vaginas in his pocket. I did you with my vagina. Two noses and a vagina for a mouth. An unguent for your rashy vagina. Stapled my vagina shut. Sand-encrusted vagina. Tall, Dark and Asshole. Stuff the rabbit’s foot up your asshole. Somewhere in the approximate middle of New Jersey’s sandy asshole. A moist dirt pucker like a cancerous asshole. A nun’s asshole. C-U-Next-Tuesday. Dangling by a delicate cunt hair. Crafty little cunt. Bitchy cunt whore mother. Twat-cunt. Worm-choked cunt. Twat bitch axe-wound. Lippy bitch! Bitches be crazy. The slag-whore bitches in Dracula’s brothel. Sonofabitch. Boobies. Titties. Tits in a bear-trap. Whipped cream on my tits, broccoli up his ass.
Bastard (@BastardBooks)
August 26, 2012 at 5:28 PM //
This was completely awesome. Were you possessed by George Carlin?
terribleminds
August 26, 2012 at 5:31 PM //
@Bastard:
I do consider Carlin a patron saint of sorts.
– c.
Bill Cameron
August 26, 2012 at 5:29 PM //
What, exactly, made this NSFW?
terribleminds
August 26, 2012 at 5:31 PM //
@Bill –
The part where I waggle my penis and grease it up on the camera lens. Did you not see that part? You may have to turn your antivirus off.
- c.
Bill Cameron
August 26, 2012 at 5:32 PM //
But the resulting soft focus made it all romanticy.
Paul Baxter
August 26, 2012 at 5:32 PM //
I see you finally figured out how to toggle the Adult Content filter in iMovie!
Angie
August 26, 2012 at 5:48 PM //
Well, fuck this.
Jennifer
August 26, 2012 at 5:50 PM //
I cannot believe you said vagina.
Jesus fucking christ.
Jason
August 26, 2012 at 5:57 PM //
This video is about as good as a turkey dick cheese sandwich.
Maggie
August 26, 2012 at 6:48 PM //
“Chuck Wendig, while gifted, does not use nearly enough profanity. His spoken word performance, while enjoyable, leaves one with the disgruntled feeling that the word ‘fuck’ was not used nearly enough.” – Maggie C.
Christopher Gronlund
August 26, 2012 at 7:49 PM //
This fuckin’ cracked me up! Obviously, Blackbirds was much more than this, and I suspect Mockingbird will be, too, but…CUNT shit that fuck up on a bitch platter, I can’t wait ’til Tuesday!
brian
August 26, 2012 at 7:55 PM //
About halfway thru you had me rolling. Now I must read these stories.
Beth L.
August 26, 2012 at 10:41 PM //
I’m planning to play this again on days when I really need it… like when you get done using phrases like “durable asset” and “leverage the synergy”, and to wash the candysweet out, you could use a short sharp shot of profanity mouthwash.
Sparky
August 27, 2012 at 1:00 AM //
It’s kind of strangely calming and transcendent to hear all this streaming profanity.
T.J. Janneff
August 27, 2012 at 10:13 AM //
I couldn’t get through it; you were so serious when you swore that I was laughing. XD That’s a lot of swearing, though!
cheryl
August 27, 2012 at 12:14 PM //
‘TWITCH’ It’s a miracle! My Turret’s Syndrome was healed by this video. Thank ‘twitch’ You! ‘twitch’
Sonia G Medeiros
August 27, 2012 at 1:32 PM //
Bwaahahaha. Can’t wait for Mockingbird. Hurry up!
Marla
August 27, 2012 at 2:32 PM //
You are one crazy mother fucker, Chuck.
By the way, ASS-FUCK, New Mexico?
I wrote a poem about New Mexico recently. It got rejected, but you should check it out:
http://marlarosebrady.wordpress.com/2012/08/24/new-rejection-letter-different-day/
I think NM is a world of magic and awe, but a little bit of an ass-fuck too.
Thank you for sharing.