Please Accept These Penmonkey Announcements

Announcements incoming. Please assume the “announcement acceptance position,” which is bent over at the waist, head between your knees, fingers and thumbs gently milking your nipples while you hum.

Excitement Over The Incitement

The current count of the PENMONKEY INCITEMENT PROGRAM jumped to 238/1000.

As you may know, that means some incitement achievements have been — ding! — unlocked.

Because at 200, I will send out:

A postcard.

A t-shirt.

And someone gets an edit of their fiction.

I will pick these names tomorrow. As always, I will note that if you want in on the Incitement Program, you have to have to have to email me proof of your purchase of COAFPM.

You can email me at terribleminds [at] gmail [dot] com.

That said, if you procured the PDF version… then I already have your name and address.

If you need more details on the Incitement Program (including how to win a free Kindle), then here you go.

I will pick the next batch of victims winners tomorrow morning. You will find those winners in the comment section of this post and edited into the post itself. So keep your grapes peeled.

EDIT:

Drum roll please. The winners?

THE PENMONKEY EDIT: Nick Olivo!

THE T-SHIRT: Michael Rasmussen!

THE POSTCARD: Shannon Sofian!

I’ll be contacting each of you in turn!

Free Copy Of 250 Things

You’ve got till the close of Monday (i.e. went the clock strikes midnight on Tuesday, Eastern Standard Time) to get in on the other COAFPM promotion, which is, if you buy a copy of COAFPM and tell me about it, I’ll send you a free PDF copy of 250 THINGS YOU SHOULD KNOW ABOUT WRITING. As above, if you bought the PDF, you don’t need to do anything, but Amazon/B&N means you need to email me your proof-of-sale to terribleminds [at] gmail [dot] com.

Diggit?

Duggit?

Good!

The Infection Rate

I don’t know if you like hearing about sales numbers or not, but here goes.

COAFPM is at 566 sales. 250 THINGS just hit 900 sales. And IRREGULAR CREATURES is at 744 sales.

If you’re in the group of those who have been, erm, infected by my e-books, then I graciously clink my glass against yours and grab the back of your head and press our foreheads together like we’re two old drunken Irish cops who just lost our third brother in the force to a borked drug bust. We breathe loudly through our noses, then part, then slam a shot, then curse the mayor’s office for not giving the dept the support it needs.

Or something.

I could, however, use a little more from you, if you’re willing to lend an ear.

First, I am always pleased when you tell other people: HEY YOU THIS IS NEAT STUFF. And then you hold them down and inject the Wendigo Virus (v3.0) into their asscheek.

Second, those three e-books of mine could always use more reviews at Amazon from you fine, fine people. Hell, you wanna leave a one-star review, leave one like “Linda” did for 250 THINGS:

“If this author actually had anything helpful to say, it was impossible to find. The book is a conglomeration of abusive statements, excessive swearing, arrogant side-tracking and blatant lack of any sense of how to communicate ideas. Definitely not worth the 99 cents, and since I cannot get a refund, I am hoping this review will save others their hard earned money.”

From her perspective, that’s a bad review. But hey, you ask me, it sells the book. Excessive swearing? Abusive statements? Arrogance? Lack of sense? Sold, lady. Sold.

SFX

Thanks to mighty mate Aaron Dembski-Bowden, COAFPM gets a mention in this month’s SFX Magazine (thanks too to Jason Arnopp for pointing this out). I hope to pin down both of these gentleman (get your mind out of the gutter) and force them both to submit to an interview here soon.

I also may have my own little interview in SFX soon. More on that as I know it.

The Bloggery Beseechment Initiative

Worth asking again: what do you want to see here at the blog? What topics do you want covered, writing and non-writing alike? What works? What doesn’t? Be bold, be honest. Speak your mind.

Are you liking the Thursday interviews and guest posts? I think I’m actually going to close up shop on the guest posts and stick only to interviews, but I’m accepting your thoughts into that matter.

Further, if you’re an accomplished storyteller of some ilk who would like to submit to terribleminds for “processing” — er, I mean, an interview — please hit me up soon as you’d like. I’m gearing up toward getting the next batch of interviews together, so get in while the getting’s good.

Finally, A Tease

…coming soon.

19 comments

  • I think I just found my next tattoo.

    I still have yet to buy “250 Things”, not because I don’t want to, it just always seems to be so far down the list. Maggie got hurt at work last week, so every penny is being scraped – but I shall, sir! Thine wisdom shall trickle down my eyethroat and into the depths of my sphincter-heart anon.

    That tease cover is exceptionally badass.

  • *stares at teaser cover*

    Is that…what I think it is? …Wait..I’m not sure anymore.

    It’s either a book about revisions (based on all the red ink) or a semi-autobiographical book about writing.

    Or a Star Wars fanfic where you place yourself as Anakin Skywalker.

    Regardless, I can’t wait!

  • “Worth asking again: what do you want to see here at the blog? What topics do you want covered, writing and non-writing alike? What works? What doesn’t? Be bold, be honest. Speak your mind.”

    I like what you do, it’s the reason I keep coming back.

    “Are you liking the Thursday interviews and guest posts? I think I’m actually going to close up shop on the guest posts and stick only to interviews, but I’m accepting your thoughts into that matter.”

    Folks like me never had the chance to be comic artists or gamers, but I see many new names in the comments when you run a piece on those topics, so keep it up. Interviews or guest posts, probably makes no difference.

    “Further, if you’re an accomplished storyteller of some ilk who would like to submit to terribleminds for “processing” — er, I mean, an interview — please hit me up soon as you’d like. I’m gearing up toward getting the next batch of interviews together, so get in while the getting’s good.”

    I need more content under my belt, but I’d be interested in the future. I have stories to tell, not all of them flattering to me personally.

  • I have all of the above mentioned books, and I’ll be leaving reviews for them today (if I haven’t already). My pain med addled mind makes it hard to remember what I’ve done recently, let alone where I live, who my wife is (honest officer, I thought she* was* my wife), or who these strange children who keep asking for my time and money are. Nevertheless, I will do my Civic duty (Honda) and get my car inspected.

  • >What topics do you want covered, writing and non-writing alike?
    I’d like to hear more about any experiences you have had (or are having) with comics. That’s something I want to look into for my work later on down the line.

    >Are you liking the Thursday interviews and guest posts?
    I prefer interviews. They give us a chance to learn more about new folks but let us learn about them in your style, which is one of the main reasons I love this blog.

    >Further, if you’re an accomplished storyteller of some ilk who would like to submit to terribleminds for “processing” — er, I mean, an interview — please hit me up soon as you’d like.
    I’ve got one book out there now, and I’d love to be interviewed, but I’m not sure if I fall into the “accomplished” category quite yet. If I do, cool, hook me up!

    That cover is badass, by the way.

  • >>Worth asking again: what do you want to see here at the blog? What topics do you want covered, writing and non-writing alike? What works? What doesn’t? Be bold, be honest. Speak your mind.

    Oh thank God you asked. Help me, Obi wan, you’re my only hope.

    So I finished the rewrite, with your penmonkey wallpaper staring at me, guilting me. But as I look through the book, I realize something is off. The plot is there. The characters are developed. Setting’s sitting pretty.

    But I know something is off. The main character doesn’t quit jump off the page like she should. It’s not just me, and it’s not just that it still needs edits. I have rough drafts that have that feeling of quickening, where the words become more and they jump off the page regardless of typos and bloated dialogue.

    Have you ever changed the main character halfway through a book and seen the story springs to life? Or changed the setting and watch the pieces mesh together? I feel like the story is like that, pre-change. I just have no idea how to figure out what is off, and how to fix it. Any advice you have would be wonderful, especially since I can’t seem to find any articles on the subject (maybe because I don’t know what to call this…)

    >>Are you liking the Thursday interviews and guest posts? I think I’m actually going to close up shop on the guest posts and stick only to interviews, but I’m accepting your thoughts into that matter.

    I enjoy the interviews and guest posts equally, so do what you think is best.

    >>Further, if you’re an accomplished storyteller of some ilk who would like to submit to terribleminds for “processing” — er, I mean, an interview — please hit me up soon as you’d like. I’m gearing up toward getting the next batch of interviews together, so get in while the getting’s good.

    Sadly, not quite “accomplished” enough to submit. Still not published yet. It will happen soon though. I am just too stubborn.

  • Is this…another writing advice-type project? Maybe full of what-not-to-do’s? :D

    I’m excited for the encitement! :mumbles “c’monnnnn thirt” while making sacrifices to simian totems & burning banana scented incense:

    I’d be all tickled like to see an interview with Jason Arnopp! I like the interviews and featured guest posts in general, because it introduces me to aspects of writing projects I may not be familiar with, or perspectives from different types of writing. The other thing I enjoy about the blog is watching an informal community come together, and thanks to sites like Friday Flash Fiction, and Twitter & now G+ I’ve been introduced to new writers (Lauren Beukes and Caissie St. Onge come to mind…) and interesting things like the Angry Robot WorldBuilders promotional plan for Empire State (which I am now very much looking forward to, so THANK YOU for posting it!).

  • Chuck, please do a blog on metaphor. You excel at this in a particularly weird and wacky way, which means you probably think metaphor is easy. It ain’t. I’d love to read your take on metaphorical writing.

  • AND LO, in my stooping stupor, I was aghast to find that I did not in fact own “250 things You should know about writing” or I should know, or in general people should know.

    Knowing that I have at least begun reading this book, the page layout, the topics and the like I am extremely confused as to why I have no record of ever buying it before today, but alas, I have remedied this situation and leave this comment as a marker in time that indeed I did buy this book, and that I will be leaving a comment on Amazon about it shortly.

    Damned pain meds…

  • I’m really enjoying this website so far. I love the Thursday guest spots/interviews because it’s always good to get different opinions and views on the writing process.
    On what I’d want to see more of here? Well, I’m always stuck on editing and revising, so any and all advice is assuredly welcome in that area.
    Oh, and I think it would be hilarious if you managed to track down “Linda” for an interview, but, y’know, that’s just me. :P

  • I’ve actually been thinking about buying both of those since I recently discovered your blog, but I’m kind of new to the e-book thing and still a little confused by the formats. I don’t have any kind of bookstore-branded proprietary e-book reader – just an iPhone (which I’m still getting used to) with iBooks and another e-book app called Stanza. Will any of the formats your books are available in work on that?

    I should add – I know PDFs theoretically work on everything. But in practice they usually seem to be formatted for a specific size of page, and a PDF formatted to, say, 8.5″ x 11″, shrunken down to the size of an iPhone screen, is one of those madness-inducing Things Mankind Was Never Meant To Behold. (And yes, I could view such a thing on my computer instead. But I spend enough hours in front of that as it is, so I was hoping for something more portable…)

  • To answer your questions: I love the weekly flash fiction challenges, I love Search Term Bingo, and I love a lot of the writing advice posts. The interviews are not especially my cup of tea, but they’re fine.

    So, overall, no real suggestions because I love what you’re doing now. BTFO.

  • Me and my brother love the blog. 250 things is great. It’s an awesome source of motivation. I also use it as an editing tool while I work on rewrites of my stuff.

    I would love a post on your experience writing for the gaming industry. How you got started, experiences, likes and dislikes etc.

    Anyways, thanks for the blog. Always entertaining.

  • I am waiting patiently for a t-shirt with the winged cat on it. And not the evil ones. I am being very patient. Ignore the tap-tap-tapping of the tip of my tail.

  • EDIT:

    Drum roll please. The winners?

    THE PENMONKEY EDIT: Nick Olivo!

    THE T-SHIRT: Michael Rasmussen!

    THE POSTCARD: Shannon Sofian!

    I’ll be contacting each of you in turn!

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