Chuck Wendig: Terribleminds

Apple-Obsessed Author Fella

Archives (page 404 of 467)

I Will Defeat You, Dreaded Pancakes

No, “Dreaded Pancakes” is not the nickname of my nemesis.

Here’s the deal.

I bought a waffle iron (cue readers saying, “Buh buh buh but he said pancakes) and have been enjoying the unholy fuck out of it. It’s a Presto something-or-other. Pretty standard Belgian waffle-maker. Gets hot. Cooks the waffles in three minutes. Bam. Boom. Deliciousness. (I am at present using a recipe, aptly called The Best Ever Waffles, supplied to me by the wise @xiehicks on the Twitters.)

(Cue readers saying, “Uhh, he’s still talking about waffles. Does this dim-bulb know the difference between a waffle and a pancake? Honey, I think this guy’s a real dum-dum. So sad.”)

The point: I’m getting to it.

The reason I wanted to procure a waffle-maker is that my pancakes never turn out right.

I’ve made pancakes for years. Years. I’ve tried dozens of recipes — and, let’s be frank, it’s not like you have that many varieties of pancake recipe out there. It’s not like you find that one special recipe where you’re suddenly all, “OH MY GOD, this recipe uses seal blubber and oregano! That’s the secret! Holy shit!” And after that it’s just an endless reiteration of perfect motherfucking pancakes, right? Right.

My pancakes, to clarify, are not bad, per se. They’re edible. They’re sometimes even good. This is where you’re likely asking, “So what’s the problem, moron? Don’t let the perfect be the enemy of the good.”

To which I say, “Yes, good point.” Except — when I go to a diner, or frankly any establishment that makes pancakes, I get these big pancakes that are light and fluffy and porous and heavy too at the same time and really, they’re just great. They are restaurant-quality flapjacks.

I cannot achieve this at home no matter how I try.

Mine are always these little puffy urinal pucks (though one presumes better-tasting).

A little thick, a little cakey.

So, I demand to know your secrets.

Someone out there is making kick-ass pancakes, and it ain’t me. Are you making diner-quality pancakes? What’s your trick? Is it a batter thing? A heat component? A matter of cooking surface?

Gun to your head: GIVE UNTO ME YOUR SWEET PANCAKERY.

Flash Fiction Challenge: Choose Your Own Setting

This past week I said some nonsense about how writers can and maybe should deal with setting.

Which means, the topic of today’s challenge shall be: you guessed it, setting.

Behold last week’s challenge: “FIRE OF THE GODS.”

I’m going to give you five whacked-out settings.

You may choose one, and set your story within that space.

What five settings?

Here goes:

Lunar Brothel

Abandoned Amusement Park

The Bottom of the Ocean

Penthouse Apartment during the Apocalypse

Fairy Tale Forest

There you go.

Interpret as you see fit.

The key is, when writing, to never abandon the setting — do not go outside of it. Further, make sure that the setting helps to drive the story. The setting should almost be a character in its own right.

Bring it to life.

You have — drum roll please — 1000 words.

Story due in by Friday, noon (EST), March 30th.

Do not put your story in the comments below — place it online (somewhere, don’t care, long as we can read it) and provide us with the link so that we can go and ogle your pulsating brilliance.

Now get to penmonkeying, penmonkeys.

Ari Marmell: The Terribleminds Interview

Ari and I go way back. We once fought dinosaurs in the Caveman War of the Ninth Glacial Epoch. We once surfed the rings of Saturn. And once upon a time, we worked freelance in the roleplaying game industry. Since then, Ari’s star has gone supernova and now he’s a Big Time Fantasy Writer, but thankfully, I was able to dose his drink with questionable veterinary drugs and convince him to submit to an interview here. His newest is Thief’s Covenant. Seek out his website — mouseferatu.com — or stalk him on Twitter (@mouseferatu).

EDIT: I’m told that it’s Ari’s birthday. GO BUY HIS BOOKS. He rules. Do so now.

This is a blog about writing and storytelling. So, tell us a story. As short or long as you care to make it. As true or false as you see it.

Once upon a time, in a distant land, there lived a young prince named Bernard. Now, Bernard had no real renown of his own, but he did run in some fairly famous circles. For Bernard, as it happened, was one of several suitors to that most illustrious, tower-dwelling princess: Rapunzel, she of the lengthy locks.

One day, worried that Rapunzel might choose one of the other princes vying for her attention, Bernard set out to pay her a surprise visit. To prove his love and devotion, he brought with him a gold and ivory comb, an heirloom that had been in his family for seven generations. The prince dropped from his noble steed, approached the base of the stone, weather-worn tower, and called up.

“Rapunzel! It is I, Prince Bernard! Let down your hair!”

After several long and uncomfortable moments, the princess’s melodious voice came drifting back down. “You ought to let a girl know when you’re planning to show up! I’ve only just gotten out of the bath!”

“Oh.” Bernard scowled, kicking at a clump of soil. “If you’d rather I come back later…”

“No, no, come on up.”

As in his many previous visits, a long coil of hair rolled from the upper window to dangle before him, providing a means of climbing the wall. Unlike those past times, however, this particular braid was loose and haphazard, scarcely braided at all. Worse, it was barely half the width of her normal rope of hair.

“Ah, Rapunzel? This seems… a bit flimsy, doesn’t it?”

“Nothing for it!” she called down. “I’m still busy brushing my other braids. Could be hours before I’m done. Surely,” she added, her voice teasing, “a young man as athletic as you should be able to climb what’s available safely enough! Or have all your claims just been empty boasts?”

Well, Bernard certainly wasn’t about to appear weak or cowardly! Straightening his back, he stepped forward and took an experimental tug on the princess’s lone and lonely braid.

It really didn’t feel all that secure.

When Rapunzel shouted again, her pout was obvious in her voice. “Don’t you love me enough to even try?”

Bernard began climbing immediately, of course. His grip was a bit precarious at first, but he swiftly got the hang of climbing the smaller rope.

Thinks I don’t love her enough, does she? I’ll show her!

Even as he climbed, Bernard removed the comb he’d brought to offer his beloved, and began to work out the knots and tangles of the haphazard braid. Not only would he climb up to visit, but he’d save her a bit of effort and show her just how good his gift actually was!

All of which might have seemed like a great idea, until–mere feet from the top–Prince Bernard lost his grip.

Had the braid been thicker, he might never have slipped. Had he not been so careful to comb out Rapunzel’s hair on his way, he might have had a knot on which to grab. Alas, the slender and smooth locks flowed through his fingers, providing no purchase at all, and Bernard perished in a heap of broken bones at the base of Rapunzel’s tower.

And so, as we come to the end of our tragic story, we can take consolation only in the wisdom imparted by our tale’s twin morals:

“A braid in the hand is worth two in the brush,” and “A man’s comb is his hassle.”

Why do you tell stories?

In part, I don’t really have a choice. The story ideas and characters come to me, and I really want to do something with them. As a kid, I was able to get that out of my system by running D&D games, but it’s just not enough anymore.

And also, I pretty much suck at everything else.

Give the audience one piece of writing or storytelling advice:

Don’t let worries over what’s currently popular keep you from writing whatever sort of story you love (or are driven) to tell.

What’s great about being a writer, and conversely, what sucks about it?

Well, being able to set my own hours is pretty cool. But really, the best thing is talking to people who have gotten real enjoyment (or even found deeper meaning, on occasion) from something I’ve created. The creation itself is wonderful, but seeing how that creation affects others is amazing.

As for what sucks? The fact that income varies so dramatically and that the job has no benefits causes some problems, certainly. And since so much of my enjoyment is based on others’ reactions, it also means–much as I try not to let it bug me–that negative reactions to my work sometimes bum me out.

Also, when you work from home and have turned your hobby into your job? You never really get a lot of time off. Even when you take a day away from writing, your brain’s still noodling away at whatever project you’ve got going, or forthcoming, or developing. (And yes, writers have all of that going at once. If your average writer was twice as prolific as Stephen King, he still wouldn’t be able to actually use more than a fraction of his ideas.)

Oh, the fact that people sometimes assume that what I do isn’t real work, and that if I’m home during the day it must mean I have time to run errands for them, is an occasional pain.

Okay, so I have to ask: how do you deal with negative fan/reader reaction?

Hard liqueur and thugs with baseball bats.

Honestly, it depends on the kind of negative reaction. If it’s screaming vitriol, I briefly bitch about it (to myself, my wife, or a friend), and then ignore it. Nothing you can do with that. But if it’s a reasonably or politely written critique, I find that my best bet is to consider whether I feel like they may be on to something. I’ve made a few improvements by listening to concerns that came in from more than one source. Obviously, in many cases, I won’t agree, and won’t change accordingly, but it’s worth looking at.

And then there are the ones you just laugh at, such as when somebody claimed The Conqueror’s Shadow was so bad it “literally kills babies.” It’s always nice when people make it easy for you to figure out that they deserve to land soundly in the “ignore” pile.

What did gaming (tabletop in particular) teach you about storytelling?

Well, a lot of the very basics — how to build a plot, for instance — came, in part, from my early gaming days. It certainly taught me about telling stories in someone else’s setting, which has served me well in my tie-in work.

But I think my gaming experience has also helped me when it comes to having my characters solve problems creatively. When I’m outlining, I very often describe the peril the characters have gotten into, but not how they get out of it. I wait until I’m actually writing that scene, and then try to get them out with only the resources I’ve already described/given them, rather than planning in advance to give them Tool X to solve Situation Y. It doesn’t always work, and I don’t deal with every challenge that way, but it’s fun when it’s appropriate.

What’s the upside and the downside to writing tie-in fiction?

Well, in every case thus far, I’ve really enjoyed the setting in which I was working. The opportunity to add to the experience of a property that I really like is a fantastic one, and quite possibly one of the single greatest highlights of tie-in. On a more mercenary level, the fact that there’s usually a built-in audience don’t hurt none, neither.

(Every one of my editors just had a coronary.)

Downside… Well, the fact that it is someone else’s world means that your options are limited. I can’t necessarily kill of Character X, or make a change to Setting Detail Y, or even assume that Trope Z holds true. It narrows the scope of what’s possible. Also, there’s the fact that a lot more people have a lot more control over the final product. I’ve been lucky enough to work with more reasonable people than not, but even reasonable people disagree on ideas here and there. It’s frustrating to have not just an editor, but 2d6 other people have a say over every last detail of the book–especially when any one of them can overrule the author.

You write fantasy for the most part — what’s the trick to writing good fantasy? What do you think is missing from most fantasy these days?

Well, leaving aside all of that “interesting characters and plot” nonsense that goes into writing a good anything

Internal consistency. What, on gaming forums, is often called “verisimilitude.” The fact that a book is a fantasy is not license to throw common sense or rational cultural development out the window. “A wizard did it” is not a one-stop solution.

There’s a saying that “It’s easier to believe the impossible than the improbable.” (I’d attribute it, but I don’t actually know who said it first.) I can, for instance, accept a world where dragons and sorcerers are real. I cannot accept a plotline that’s driven too much by sheer coincidence or character stupidity. I cannot accept a culture that makes no sense. It doesn’t have to resemble a real historical culture, but it has to feel like it actually hangs together, not like it was slapped together for no purpose other than to be convenient to the plot.

As to what’s missing in most fantasy? Hmm… This is beginning to change, but secondary worlds based on cultures other than Europe. Where’s the fantasy world that resembles Southern Africa? India? (One of my favorite recent fantasy series is Aliette de Bodard’s Obsidian and Blood trilogy, which is set in the Aztec empire. So next, I’d like to see someone create a secondary world somewhat resembling the Aztecs, without actually being historical fantasy.)

Also? I’d really, really, really, really like to see an increase in standalone books (or at least series where each book can stand alone). Not every fantasy tale requires nine books of 800 pages each to tell, people.

Why’d you write Thief’s Covenant? How is it a novel only Ari Marmell could write?

It’s a novel only I could write because I got to it first and it’s copyrighted, damn it.

Okay, more seriously… Most of my fantasy protagonists to date have been antiheroes (or, in the case of The Goblin Corps, outright villains). Widdershins may be a thief, but she’s basically a good person; I wanted to write a hero who was, at least in some respects, actually a hero. I also wanted to play with certain cultural aspects–the combination of the very French Renaissance with a very un-Renaissance belief system, in particular.

But mostly? I wrote it for the same reason I write most of my non-tie-in books: Because the idea came to me, and I liked it enough to haul it out of the stream, rather than let it drift by to the Lake of Unused Concepts. No more real meaning to it than that.

What makes it a “me” book? Partly the combination of humor and horror. Not that I’m the only person to do that–and there’s less of the “near horror” level of violence here than in my other books, though it’s still present–but I like to think this precise style of combining them is mine.

I also feel that–so far as is possible, given that I am not and never have been a teenage girl–that Widdershins is a very Ari character. I’m not sure I can articulate why, to be honest. She just really seems to have sprung Athena-like from my head.

Favorite word? And then, the follow up: Favorite curse word?

“Diphthong.” It just looks like it shouldn’t be a word at all, it’s fun to say, and in a pinch you can use it to sound like you’re insulting someone.

Favorite curse word? Hmm… I’ve long felt that if you’re only using one word, you’re not doing it right. But if I have to pick one, I really think the sheer versatility of “fuck”–you can make entire sentences out of nothing but variations–is the reason it remains a beloved classic.

Favorite alcoholic beverage? (If cocktail: provide recipe. If you don’t drink alcohol, fine, fine, a non-alcoholic beverage will do.)

I don’t drink. Yeah, I know, one of those. It’s not any sort of moral objection; I just don’t like the taste of alcohol, and it aggravates certain health conditions I have.

So, favorite non-alcoholic? One of various sorts of mocha frappacino, preferably in either a mint or chocolate-and-cherry variation.

Recommend a book, comic book, film, or game: something with great story. Go!

I’m gonna go old-school on this. Back in, oh, the early 90s or so, Sierra released a PC game called “Gabriel Knight: Sins of the Father.” (There were two more games in the series that were both pretty good, but the first was best.) It’s obviously a remarkably primitive game by today’s standards, but if you can get hold of it (and your computer will run it), I still recommend it as one of the coolest games–yes, including story–I’ve ever played.

What skills do you bring to help the humans win the inevitable zombie war?

I encourage teamwork among the survivors.

Specifically, I’m so slow and out of shape that I won’t be too hard to catch. Meaning that nobody has to resort to tripping anyone else in order to survive, thus building a level of trust they would otherwise lack.

You’ve committed crimes against humanity. They caught you. You get one last meal.

Probably something fajita-related. With nachos beforehand, and ice cream after.

Not just because I like such things, but because I’m lactose intolerant. If they’re gonna execute me, they get to deal with the results.

What’s next for you as a storyteller? What does the future hold?

Well, multi-million dollar movie deals, one hopes.

More likely? I have a few things I’m looking forward to diving into, including a near-future YA novel with a premise I actually haven’t seen used before; some additional tie-in work; hopefully some additional installments in the “Widdershins Adventures” YA fantasy series, and (also hopefully) writing sequels to my first urban fantasy, which my agent is shopping around as we speak.

Well, except that we’re not speaking. And she’s not doing it “as I type,” because it’s late.

But you know what I mean.

Ten Things You Should Know About Writing Screenplays

This week, terribleminds is moving hosts. We got too big for our britches and we’re fleeing the warm embrace of Laughing Squid and diving deeper into the trenches of a LiquidWeb VPS server. I’m not anticipating any downtime, but one never knows in such an instance what will happen. So, I figured this wasn’t a good week for an entirely brand new “25 Things” list.

What I am doing, however, is giving you a tasty chocolate Whitman sampler of “25 Things” — these have never before been on terribleminds but can instead be found in their entirety in my writing books.

You’ll find this works on the following schedule:

Monday:

10 (of 25) things you should know about setting! (from 500 More Ways To Be A Better Writer)

Tuesday:

1o (of 25) things you should know about endings! (from 500 Ways To Be A Better Writer)

Wednesday:

10 (of 25) things you should know about screenplays! (from 250 Things You Should Know About Writing)

Let us begin.

10 Things You Should Know About Writing Screenplays

1. Just A Blueprint

A novel is a finished product. A film is a finished product. A screenplay is just a blueprint. It’s just a template. You’re creating the possibility of a film, not the final product. Let that free you.

2. Writing To Be Read Before Writing To Be Seen

A script has to read well before it ever makes it onto a screen. Nobody reads a shitty script and says, “This sucks out loud on the page, but boy, it’s going to look awesome on the screen.” Well, okay, Michael Bay might say that. But then he rides his cyborg tiger into the heart of an atomic cloud to the tune of some Aerosmith song. You can’t hold that guy’s attention for long.

3. Story Is King, And The Characters Serve At His Pleasure

A screenplay fails first because of its crapgasmic story. Not just plot: but story. Story is all of it: plot, characters, theme, mood. You’re trying to say something, trying to tell a cracking good tale. Characters are the vehicle for that story. We’re going to spend two hours with, what? Boring characters? Dull story? Unlikable and unbelievable plot?

4. The Three-Act Structure Matters

I know. You want to fight against the three-act structure. You want to kick and spit and break the bonds of this straitjacket The Man has slapped you into. Don’t. The three-act structure is here to stay. Trust me when I say, producers and directors look for it. They seek those act breaks. Here’s the trick, though: the three acts are nowhere near as limiting as people believe. They’re very easy and translate roughly to Beginning, Middle, and End. And out of each act is a turn, a pivot point of change and escalation. Hit those acts at 25%, 50%, and 25% of your script’s total length (Act I, II, and III, respectively) and you’re golden.

5. The Secret Act Break Smack In The Middle Of The Script

Don’t tell anybody else. I’m sharing this just with you. Take off your pants and I’ll tell you. Are they off? Sweet. HA HA HA HA JUST KIDDING NOW YOU’RE PARTLY NAKED AND VULNERABLE AND NOW I WILL ATTACK YOUR PRIVATE PARTS WITH BEES. … okay, that was weird. I’m so sorry. Anyway. Here’s the secret: the second act can really be two acts with the act turn smack dab at the midpoint of the whole script. Treat these like any act: escalation leads to an act turn which means some kind of pivot or change, both external and internal. Ta-da! That’ll help you fight the sagging mushy gushy lardy middle of your screenplay.

6. 90-110

Your script should be between 90-110 pages. Especially if it’s a spec script. Going to 120 pages is… regrettable, but doable. Going above 120 or below 90 can be death for your script.

7. Search Your Heart For Truth, Sacred Cricket

You’re committing time and energy to writing this thing, so figure out why. Figure out what you’re trying to say and what kind of story you want to tell. Know the reason your script must exist. “I want to write a tragic love story set in space.” “I want to highlight the horrific industry of dolphin-killing.” “I HATE MY DAD AND I WANT THE WORLD TO KNOW IT.” Whatever, man. Just find your reason. Let it live at the throbbing heart of the script.

8. Too Many Characters Foul The Orgy

A script with too many characters feels hazy and crazy. It’s like making a soup with too many spices or having an orgy with too many participants. Then it just becomes a greasy, smelly game of Twister. “Left leg, some guys pubic tangle. Right leg, shellacked with a heady broth of somebody’s man-seed. AHHH DICK IN MY EYE.” Keep major characters to about five. With maybe another 10 to 15 lesser characters if need be. But remember: they all need to be fully realized, at least in your own head.

9. Babar, Meet Rebar, And His Brothers, Robar, Zadar, And Radar

If your two lead characters are Gary and Mary, or Bob and Rob, the reader is going to get confused. I know, you’re saying, “What kind of asshole can’t figure out the difference between Bob and Rob?” The kind that reads hundreds of scripts per day and has suffered irreparable eye and soul damage from reading the unmerciful shit-fuckery submitted to them by subpar screenwriters, that’s who.

10. Narrative Rejiggering

Some screenplays suffer from a necessary slow build, but a slow build threatens to derail the reader’s attention. So go mess with the narrative flow — change the time-line. Start at the ending. Or in the middle. Somewhere dramatic. Break the narrative up into a switchback flow, ala 21 Grams or Reservoir Dogs. You can play with the timeline in order to adjust the revelation of plot. What happens then is revealed now. What happens now is revealed later.

Want the whole 25? Then I point you toward 250 Things You Should Know About Writing, merely $0.99 at Amazon (US), Amazon (UK), B&N, and also available here at terribleminds.

Ten Things You Should Know About Endings

This week, terribleminds is moving hosts. We got too big for our britches and we’re fleeing the warm embrace of Laughing Squid and diving deeper into the trenches of a LiquidWeb VPS server. I’m not anticipating any downtime, but one never knows in such an instance what will happen. So, I figured this wasn’t a good week for an entirely brand new “25 Things” list.

What I am doing, however, is giving you a tasty chocolate Whitman sampler of “25 Things” — these have never before been on terribleminds but can instead be found in their entirety in my writing books.

You’ll find this works on the following schedule:

Monday:

10 (of 25) things you should know about setting! (from 500 More Ways To Be A Better Writer)

Tuesday:

1o (of 25) things you should know about endings! (from 500 Ways To Be A Better Writer)

Wednesday:

10 (of 25) things you should know about screenplays! (from 250 Things You Should Know About Writing)

Let us begin.

10 Things You Should Know About Endings

1. Behold My Clumsy And Confusing Definition

Let’s pretend for a moment that the end is a hazy thing — it doesn’t begin at any precise point and counts the nebulous territory between “the beginning of the end and the last moment of the story that reaches the reader’s mind.” The ending is when there’s no turning back, when the story can’t be stopped, when everything’s in motion and moving forward like a racehorse on angel dust.

2. Okay, Fine, You Won’t Stop Staring At Me So Here’s Your Goddamn Definition

If you want the technical definition, then the ending begins at the start of the final act — in screenwriting, it begins at the end of the third act. It encompasses the climax of the piece and then tumbles forth through the falling action and into the denouement. It is triggered by the turning point (or pivot) into the final act, which sets up the final conflict and resolution of that conflict. There. Are you happy now? *sob*

3. Boom Goes The Dynamite

The climax and falling action are the flashier components of the ending — this is the big-ass fireworks finale where everyone goes ooooh and ahhh and stares into the pretty lights and receives commands from their alien masters on when precisely to assassinate the Archduke. Or whatever. Know that the climax is when, metaphorically or literally, everything explodes. The falling action is the picking up of those pieces and the rearrangement of those pieces. The zeppelin blows up — CHOOM! (the climax) — and then as it sinks toward earth the hero’s mission to save the lovely lass is in question as the antagonist’s plan appears to be successful. But the hero has his mad hero skills and turns the tide and saves the girl and slays the antagonist and has a litter of puppies, blah blah blah. Note that some stories conflate climax and falling action into one moment: I’d argue that STAR WARS does this, tying everything up with the Big Boom of the Death Star going kaflooey. (Yes, “kaflooey” is a technical term.) DIE HARD doesn’t — the big explosion on the roof is your climax, and McClane versus Hans is the falling action (er, quite literally!).

4. All The Little Strings Tied Around Fingers

The denouement is not a critical component and some stories just say, “Fuck it,” and kick it into the mouth of a hungry alligator to be eaten and forgotten. The denouement (it’s French, and pronounced Day-NOO-MAAAAWWHHHH, with that last syllable comprising about 42 seconds of actual vocal time) and offers what you might consider “narrative clean-up.” It takes all the niggling details and ties them into little bows. Sometimes a denouement is just a handful of moments — again, in DIE HARD, it’s that short scene as they leave Nakitomi Plaza. In RETURN OF THE KING, it’s the last 6,000 minutes as the audience bears witness to a endless procession of hobbit-flavored not-quite-happy endings! Mmm. Hobbit happy endings. Tiny hands. But so soft.

5. A Good Ending Answers Questions

A story raises questions both within the story and outside it — “Will Steve woo Betty? Will Orange Julius save Cabana Boy from the jaws of The Cramposaur? Can love survive in the face of war? Is bacon overrated?” A good ending takes these questions and answers them. Most mysteries are solved. Most concerns are answered.

6. A Great Ending Asks New Questions

An author should never be afraid to let an ending ask new questions heaped upon the answers of the old. Yes, these questions, the ones you introduced, are addressed — but things, then, needn’t be so simple. Exposing the truth might force the reader to ask new questions, and those questions are likely to never be answered (unless there’s another story in the sequence). That’s okay. Hell, that’s not only okay: that’s awesome. That leaves people thinking about the story. It doesn’t just close the door and kick them out of the house — it Manchurian Candidates those motherfuckers (yes, I turned that movie title into a verb, shut up) and leaves the story top-of-mind.

7. Time To Confirm Or Deny Your Theme

Your story is an argument — a thesis positing a thematic notion, an idea, a conceit. The ending is where you (purposefully or inadvertently) prove or disprove that thesis. It’s when you say, “Man will embrace nature over nurture.” Or, “True love won’t save the day.” Or, “Yes, indeed, Fruit Roll-Ups are secretly the leathered skin of popular cartoon character such as Smurfs and/or Snorks.”

8. Endings Don’t Need To Be Pat

I dunno who “Pat” actually is, but my assumption is that he’s a nice guy and everything works out for him. When an ending is pat, it’s the same way: it’s a nice ending, and hey, lookie-loo, everything works out just dandy. You are not required to create nice, neat, tidy little endings — an ending shouldn’t look like a Christmas ornament designed by Martha Stewart.

9. Sometimes, A Nice Neat Happy Ending Is Appropriate

Sometimes, sure, okay, you want a happy ending. Here’s the difference, though, between a happy ending and a pat ending. A “pat” ending ties things up artificially — it uses coincidence and narrative hand-waving to bring disparate elements together and make sure everything is all toothy smiles and unicorn hats and rainbow poop.

10. Dominoes Tumbling Ineluctably Forward

An ending should feel natural. Like it’s the only ending you could write. That’s nonsense, of course — you have a theoretically infinite number of endings you could write — but as you write, all the elements will start to feel like they’re moving toward one thing, one way that they all sum up. Once you write it and once the audience reads or sees it, they should all feel like it’s the only ending the story deserved — an unswerving and inarguable narrative conclusion.

Want the rest of this list? Check out 500 Ways To Be A Better Writer, available for $2.99 at Amazon (US), Amazon (UK), B&N, and also available direct from terribleminds.

Ten Things You Should Know About Setting

This week, terribleminds is moving hosts. We got too big for our britches and we’re fleeing the warm embrace of Laughing Squid and diving deeper into the trenches of a LiquidWeb VPS server. I’m not anticipating any downtime, but one never knows in such an instance what will happen. So, I figured this wasn’t a good week for an entirely brand new “25 Things” list.

What I am doing, however, is giving you a tasty chocolate Whitman sampler of “25 Things” — these have never before been on terribleminds but can instead be found in their entirety in my writing books.

You’ll find this works on the following schedule:

Monday:

10 (of 25) things you should know about setting! (from 500 More Ways To Be A Better Writer)

Tuesday:

1o (of 25) things you should know about endings! (from 500 Ways To Be A Better Writer)

Wednesday:

10 (of 25) things you should know about screenplays! (from 250 Things You Should Know About Writing)

Let us begin.

10 Things You Should Know About Setting

1. What Is It?

Setting anchors your story in a place and a time. A short story or film may hover over a single setting; a longer-form film or novel may bounce across dozens of setting. You often have a larger setting (“The town of Shartlesburg!”) and many micro-settings within (“Pappy’s Hardware! The Egg-Timer Diner! The Shartlesburg Geriatric Sex Dungeon!”).

2. What Does It Do For You?

It props everything else up. It’s like the desk on which you write — it has function (it holds up all your writing tools, your liquor bottles, your Ukranian pornography), it has detail (the wood is nicked from where you got into that knife fight with that Bhutan assassin), it has an overall feel (the desk dominates the room, making everything else feel big — or perhaps the opposite is true, where the desk is crammed into the corner like you’re some third-rate citizen). Setting props up plot, character, theme, and atmosphere. And it gives the audience that critical sense of place and time so it doesn’t feel like she’s floating around in a big ol’ sensory-deprivation tank of recycled amniotic fluid. Which does not, despite its appearance, smell like bubble-gum.

3. Establish That Shit Early, Then Reveal Gradually

You don’t want to keep the reader in the dark as to the setting, because it’s disorienting and disconcerting. Even if the character on the page doesn’t know, you the author sure do, and it’s up to you to provide those hints (“She hears a church bell ringing and smells the heady stink of hobo musk”). You don’t need to spend two paragraphs outlining setting right from the get-go, though — we just need that filmic establishing shot to say, “Ohh, okay, we’re in a convenience store next door to an insane asylum. Boom, got it.” Then, as you write, you over time reveal more details about setting as they become important the story. Revealing setting should be a sexy striptease act. A little flash of skin that gradually uncovers the midriff, then the thighs, then the curve of the blouse baboons, then the OH MY GOD SHE HAS A TENTACLE IT’S GOT MY MMGPPHABRABglurk

4. Setting As Character

It may help to think of setting as just another character. It looks and acts a certain way. It may change over the course of the story. Other characters interact with it and have feelings about it that may not be entirely rational. Think about how, on those awful (and totally fake!) house hunting shows on HGTV someone’s always looking for a house “with character.” That means they want a house that is uniquely their own, that has, in a sense, a personality. And probably a poltergeist. Houses with character always have poltergeists. That’s a fact. I saw it on the BBC and British people cannot lie. It’s in their regal charter or something.

5. Paint In As Few Strokes As Possible

Play a game — go somewhere and describe it in as few details as possible. Keep whittling it down. See how you do. This is key for setting description (and, in fact, all description). Description must not overwhelm.

6. Exercise: Three Details And No More

Find any place at any time and use three details to describe it. You get to paint your image with three strokes and no more.

7. What Details? The Ones The Audience Needs To See

The details you choose are the ones that add to the overall story. Maybe they’re tied to the plot. Maybe they enhance the mood. Maybe they signal some aspect of the theme. Maybe offers a dash of humor at a time when the story really needs it. Each detail has text and subtext — the text is what it is (“a toilet”). The subtext is what it adds to the deeper story (“the toilet’s clogged and broken like everything else in this building, spilling water over the bowl rim” — saying this adds to the overall atmosphere and theme offered by the setting).

8. Abnormalities Are Your Friend

Another tip for finding out which details matter most: they’re the ones that break the status quo. It’s like this: I know what a Starbucks looks like. Or a pine forest. Or a men’s restroom. You don’t need to tell me that the restroom has a sink, a floor, a lightbulb, a toilet. You need to tell me there’s a mouse crawling around in the sink. That the fluorescent light above is flickering and buzzing like a bug zapper. You need to show me the weird guy sitting in stall three playing with himself while reading an issue of Field and Stream magazine. (“Oh. Yeah. I’m gonna stick it deeeeeep in your basshole.”) Show me the details that break my expectations. Those are the details that matter.

9. The Reader Will Do Work For You

No, I don’t mean the reader will come to your house and grout your kitchen. Or maybe they will? I should look into that. Anyway. What I’m saying is, the reader will fill in many of the details that you do not. In a variant of what I just said above, it’s your job to give the reader the details that she cannot supply for herself.

10. Description Should Be Active And Action-Based

Describe the setting as a character moves and operates through it — which means that it features action and takes into account that character’s point-of-view. You don’t introduce the Shartlesburg Geriatric Dungeon by giving a paragraph of setting description before the character even steps into the room. As the character sees it, the reader sees it. As the character picks up that riding crop that smells like Vicks Vaporub and horehound lozenges, the reader picks up the same.

(Check out the full “25 Things You Should Know About Setting” in the complete 500 More Ways To Be A Better Writer, available at Amazon (US), Amazon (UK), B&N, and direct from this site.)