Apple-Obsessed Author Fella

Category: The Ramble (page 428 of 463)

Yammerings and Babblings

25 Things You Should Know About Queries, Synopses, Treatments

1. Everyone Hates It (And Nobody’s Great At It)

Writing a summary of any creative endeavor makes every writer feel like he’s wearing a tuxedo made of bumblebees. It’s a very uncomfortable process and any writer who tells you how much she enjoys writing synopses should be immediately shoved in a bag and burned because she is a robot from the future sent here to destroy all writers. Why would we enjoy the process? We just wrote a whole screenplay or an entire novel. And now we’re supposed to compress it down until it fits in the palm of our hands? Fuck. Fuck. It blows. It’s difficult. Nobody does it 100%. But you gotta suck it up and do the work.

2. Put This Pig In That Bucket

A pig will not fit in a bucket, and yet, that is your task. You must identify all the parts of the pig that you cannot live without. The rest? Chainsawed into bloody gobbets and left on the abattoir floor. You’re not here to explore the whole pig. You’re here to give a sampling of the beast — a taste of pigness. The hoof, snout, squeal and tail are for later. For now you need to deliver a packet of prime cuts only.

3. Excuse Me While I Whip This Out

Length matters. A query letter is never more than a page. A synopsis or treatment is maybe two to 10 pages, though some treatments are as long as 60. A beat sheet for a script is maybe 10% of the total document (or six pages/hour). Identify the length and stick to it. Though, like with a certain dangling male organ, it’s not just how long it is, but what you do with it. For instance: my penis kills hooded cobras, like a mongoose.

4. The Shallowest Reader In The World

On the next Twitter #fridayreads, tell the world you’re reading a fuckload of book jackets and DVD cases. You know how if you’re writing epic fantasy it helps sometimes to read epic fantasy? Well, what do you think this is? You’re trying to summarize your work, so read summaries of other work. And book jackets and DVD cases are exactly that. True story: the book jacket for my upcoming novel DOUBLE DEAD features text pulled straight from my synopsis. The text on a book jacket or DVD case (or video game case or Amazon description) is meant to entice. Which is also your job when writing a query, synopsis, or treatment.

5. Egg Samples

You need to find examples of good — meaning, successful — treatments, queries, and synopses. Grab them from writer friends. Dig them up online. Discover what about them feels successful. Mine and mimic.

6. Get Goofy On Rainforest Drugs And Explore Core Truths

I often phrase this as, What the hell is it about, maaaan? As in, if you were sitting around a fucking drum circle or some shit and you were stoned out of your gourd on some weird powder made from pulverized elk bezoar and someone grabbed you by the collar of your ratty technicolor robe and they asked you that question, what would you say? Not the basic plot, but dig deep for what it’s really about, what it means to you. The essence of that answer must be present in your truncated treatment. Because it matters. It’s one of the things that elevates it from an examination of plot to an exploration of story.

7. Bottle All The Lightning

Another fun exercise: go through your novel or script and start identifying all the things that you think are — caps necessary — FUCKING AWESOME. The knees of the bees, the hat of the cat. Action scenes, plot turns, character foibles. Any of that. Call it out. Write it down. It won’t all go into your synopsis but it helps to have an arsenal of Awesome Things to call out, don’t you think?

8. We Come For The Character…

That sounds dirty, doesn’t it? Well, stop juicing your capris and tenting your khakis, we have things to discuss. What’s true for your overall story is true for any synopses of that story: character matters most. Good characters serve as our vehicle through the story and so it must in part be our vehicle through any treatment. Distill those characters down and make sure we know who they are and what arcs they travel.

9. …We Stay For The Conflict

Readers are dicks. We want to read about bad shit. We don’t want to read about how Sally didn’t study and got an A on her test. We want to see sad li’l Sally put through her paces. “She’s poor and her textbook was eaten by coyotes and the teacher hates her because he’s dating Sally’s mother and she still got an A on her test.” Conflict is the food that feeds the reader. Any query, treatment or synopsis must showcase conflict.

10. Heh Heh Heh He Said “Tentpole”

Repeat after me: “This story doesn’t stand up unless I include [fill in the blank].” No, you’re not supposed to say “fill in the blank.” Are you brain-diseased? You’re supposed to actually fill in the blank. You need to go through your story and find those tentpole items: details that, were they not included, would cause the story to collapse without their presence. When and Where are two you likely cannot do without.

11. Talk That Shit Out

Before you write, vocalize. Sit down with somebody you trust — friend, family member, agent, basement-dwelling cannibalistic hobo — and babble out your synopsis. Have a few drinks. Figure out how you’d sell a buddy (or a man-eating hobo) on your story. Keep pitching it to them. Hone your approach. Write it down. Harness what you learned and incorporate into any synopses you must write.

12. Act Structures And Outlines

Maybe you did an outline before you wrote. Maybe you didn’t. Doesn’t matter now because you need to grasp the architecture of this thing. Act structures and outlines help you get your hands around a story in terms of summarizing and — behold my brand new made-up word — succinctifying. I always exhort writers to grow cozy with writing outlines because trust me when I tell you: someone’s going to ask for one.

13. The Logline Is Your Best Friend

Learning to write a logline is your first best step. Take the logline. Hold it close. Nuzzle it to your neck like a cuddly ferret. Treat it right, it’ll coo and burble. Treat it wrong, it’ll spray piss in your mouth and bite off your earlobe. Wait, you don’t know what a logline is? Take your story. Summarize it in a single-sentence pitch. But it’s more than that, too — you’re trying to sell the story, trying to give an aura of mystery and possibility. A good logline hits at around 50 words. Go to 100 words and it’s likely too long.

14. Sharpen That Hook So That It Can Rupture A Fucking Atom

A bad hook makes for a bad query, treatment, or synopsis. Every molecule in your marrow resists this: your script or novel is not built on so flimsy a foundation as a single line of marketing text, but I am sad to remind you that life is not fair. Puppies are not immortal, rivers don’t run with ice cream and you don’t get a free blowjob every time you pay your taxes. Life is tough. So learn to whet the hook to an eye-gouging point. The hook must be the promise of the premise. And don’t ignore emotional investment. I’ve seen some loglines for DIE HARD that leave out the wife, and the wife is the core of that film.

15. The “Explode It Out” Method

Summarize your story in one sentence. Then one paragraph. Then one page. Or, do it in reverse: page, paragraph, sentence. Imagine someone’s got a gun to your private parts. You gotta do this or they’ll blow your nibbly bits into the carpet. You’ll soon see what is essential and what is not: pearls versus peanuts, rubies versus shiny pieces of aquarium glass. Learn to pare down until only its heart remains.

16. Embrace The Holy Trinity: Hook, Body, Climax

Open with a hook: a real juicy logline. Then move into the body: your story laid bare. Sum-up the ending in the same way you wrote the hook: a single sentence that delivers the final kidney-rupturing punch. I’ve seen some advice that says some agents or producers don’t want to hear the ending: unless you know this for sure, I’d say make sure you give it to them. It’s a significant piece of the story puzzle.

17. The Saggy Fatty Middle

The danger of a novel or a script is the same danger you run into with a synopsis: the saggy, soggy middle. Tighten that shit up. Find the boring parts and cut them out or rewrite so they’re a dose of meth instead of a mist of sinister sleep gas. Be advised: writing a synopsis can suddenly highlight secret problems in your story. Don’t let that freak you out. Embrace the opportunity to go back and do some repair work.

18. Stick That Landing

The ending should be as lean and mean as the hook. Maybe 50 words. Maybe 100. If the hook is the promise of the premise, then the ending is the fulfillment of that promise pistoned through the reader’s brainpan.

19. Still True: “Show, Don’t Tell”

You’re not standing in front of your intended audience (editor, agent, producer, executive) and reading a menu of options. You’re grabbing their hand, kicking down the door to your storyworld, and showing them what you’ve built. Always write your synopses from a place of wonder and potential, not from a podium where you deliver a sullen reiteration of your work.

20. Your Voice Matters

What’s going to elevate your synopsis from being dull as regurgitated cardboard? Your voice. Specifically, the same voice used to write the novel in the first place. Your synopsis is not the place for a dry recitation of plot points (and then, and then, and then, and then), but rather, a place for your words to bring the story to life in a different context. Put yourself into the synopsis same as you put your heart into the story.

21. Beware Strip Mining

You’ve taken your pig, blown him apart with a hand grenade and fit what you could in the bucket. Suddenly you realize: the value of this pig isn’t the loin chops but rather in the squeal. Writing a synopsis sometimes reveals that you’ve gone the wrong direction. You’ve taken the best parts out. You’ve chosen to embody the wrong emotions. You’ve strip mined the soul out of the thing and now it’s just a hollow exercise.

22. Go Back Over It With A Magnifying Glass And A Scalpel

Always re-read your queries, treatments and synopses again and again. It is your war-horse leading the charge and if it’s an out-of-shape nag with a herniated disc and a bad case of bell’s palsy then it’s not going to survive the coming battle. Read and edit and read and edit. Then give it to someone else and let them read and edit, read and edit. Compress that lump of coal until it is a throat-cutting diamond.

23. You Are Not A Pretty Pony

Different recipients want different things. If an agent specifies that she doesn’t want an author bio, then do not include an author bio. If guidelines say, “A 10-page synopsis,” then it’s your job to give 10 pages of straight-up synopsizing. You’re not the only pretty peacock in the room. Don’t stand out by giving your middle finger to the rules. Stand out by writing a kick-ass query for an even kick-assier story.

24. Vaporlock Is Your Enemy

Paralysis of the analysis: writing synopses will freeze a writer’s brain like a moist dick pressed against an ice-frosted flagpole. You can try all manner of thought exercise, but in the end the only way to the other side is the same as it is with any project: write your way through the swamp no matter how stridently the mire sucks at your boots. Stomp forth sloppily: remember that it’s okay for your first synopsis to suck. You aren’t beholden to just one draft. You get as many at-bats as you need, slugger.

25. In The End, It’s About Making People Want More

This is really where writers buck at their chains: a query, synopsis or treatment is a sales tool. You’re trying to get people to buy what you’re selling. It is enticement. It is tantalization. You’re dangling lush grapes, trying to lure someone to take a bite. In the end you think, this is not what I do, this is a distillation of my work and isn’t what I signed up for. Only problem? It is what you signed up for. Storytelling is always an act of enticement and, further, is frequently an act of whittling and winnowing until the best of the story remains and the worst is burned to ash. Sometimes it just takes a reconfiguration of thought: look at your query as just a smaller version of what you already do, which is to say, look at it as yet another act of storytelling. Because that’s what a synopsis is: it’s you telling your story. Except instead of 300 pages you get, say, ten. Or five. Or one. Hey, nobody said it was going to be easy.

* * *

Want another booze-soaked, profanity-laden shotgun blast of dubious writing advice?

Try: CONFESSIONS OF A FREELANCE PENMONKEY

$4.99 at Amazon (US), Amazon (UK), B&N, PDF

Or its sequel: REVENGE OF THE PENMONKEY

$2.99 at Amazon (US), Amazon (UK), B&N, PDF

And: 250 THINGS YOU SHOULD KNOW ABOUT WRITING

$0.99 at Amazon (US), Amazon (UK), B&N, PDF

Stuff And Things And Things And Stuff

Obligatory THE LIFE OF THE WENDIGO post incoming.

Alert your state government. Hide your sisters.

The Penmonkey’s Revenge

You may have noticed that —

Drum roll please.

REVENGE OF THE PENMONKEY is now on sale. For $2.99, you get a boatload of writing advice and penmonkey satire. In addition, you get a 10k “memoir” by yours truly about the life of a writer and the lessons learned, and you also get a brand spanking new Writer’s Prayer (“Time to load the guns, brew the ink, and go to work. Because I am a writer, and I am done fucking around.”) Further, if you procure this week, I’ll toss you a free copy of 250 THINGS YOU SHOULD KNOW ABOUT WRITING. These e-books are how I finance the existence of terribleminds, so in advance I thank you for procuring a copy and spreading the word. Your procurement options are as follows:

Kindle (US): Buy Here

Kindle (UK): Buy Here

Nook: Buy Here

Or, buy the PDF ($2.99) by clicking the BUY NOW button:


Speaking Of Penmonkeys

Jay-zeus, that was fast.

COAFPM is now up to 307 sales sold since I started the Incitement Program.

That means it’s time to give away another t-shirt and postcard.

I will pick both tomorrow morning in the comment section of this post.

Look for it!

Holy Shit, New Double Dead Cover

You click that cover, you’ll be taken to the artist’s site — the cover is by the inimitable PYE PARR. From there you can make with the clicky-clicky to see a larger version and a version without the text.

In other words: fucking awesome.

That cover makes me want to jump out of my chair and run around town draining ladies left and right with my pointy teeth. All I have to say is, this November, Coburn is coming.

Pre-order, if you’re so inclined.

The Little Human Now Laughs

On Sunday night, my three-month-old son laughed for the first time.

I mean, he’s laughed before, but it’s kind of been this gasping squeak. But last night was a bonafide giggle, all because his mother was bouncing him around on her knee. HOLY SHIT did he love it. I’ve got video of it I’ll have to cut up and post at some point — he was in some state of unbridled baby bliss. And now I know the truth: his laughter is like heroin, and here we are, ever-chasing that high. Probably from today until we perish. We will always be chasing that dragon, and all the laughs hence will not be as delightful as that first, most primal, laugh. The cross that parents must bear is becoming all the clearer.

It was so adorable, though, my teeth rotted out of my head and my body stopped producing insulin.

Foodboy

Been a while since I did a proper food post, yeah? I’ll have to get back on that. Anybody got any recipes to share? I could use to play with new recipes, so whatever you’ve got, toss at me.

I’ll tell you one thing that gets me by some lunches:

Flour tortillas.

Take one of those and it’s suddenly like you’re motherfucking Lunchtime Picasso. You can try anything in those things. I just grab all kinds of crap from my fridge and chuck it in there. Boom. Lunchalicious.

Here’s two things I’m fond of:

First, take an avocado. Slice it up. Layer a bit of cottage cheese over a flour tortilla. Lay the avocado on top. Salt the avocado. Spritz it with a quarter-lime. Dash of hot sauce. Grate cheese if you have any, and if you have turkey, you can laythat on there, too. Roll up. Shove into face until you are moaning in delight.

Second, chop up any fresh veggies you got laying around. My most recent concoction was summer squash, green beans, bell pepper, and onion. Saute in olive oil — get the onion and bell pepper soft, first. Then the rest of your veggies go into the ring. Salt, pepper, any herbs you have — I totally recommend fresh basil in there. Though, add the basil late, or it can lose some of its phatty garden-fresh flava. (Phresh? Phlava? I dunno. Shut up.) Then take that and shove it into a flour tortilla, and cram that into your food-hole. Bonus points: add in some Gochujang sauce in there.

Have you had this stuff? I am a Sriracha fan, but I think I like this more. Korean. Fermented soy. Has a stronger flavor beyond just heat — though it has that crucial zing, too. Great on, well, anything. Anything. A hot dog? A hamburger? A taco? A stir-fry? My creamy inner thighs? All of the above.

Anyway. There you go.

Googolplus

G+ continues to be a curious experiment. On the one hand, it’s fairly slow — a tepid flow of “social media updates.” Sometimes the feeds from my circles feels downright inert. Stagnant water sitting.

But I’m starting to see that as a feature, not a bug. Because when someone does drop something into the ecosystem, it generates a lot of activity and discussion. Like, in a forum, you wouldn’t want endless topics being added so fast you can’t keep up with them, right? You’d want a measured pace with lots of activity in the forums, not outside.

This is that, I think. And it continues to confirm for me just what Goo-Plus is good at:

Conversation and discussion.

It’s not all there, yet. This pie is only half-baked. Even still, you get the sense that the LORDS OF GOOGLE might have more in store. Only time will tell. What’s everybody else think?

The Sub-Genre Tango

Flash fiction! With a prize! Of an edit! Of up to 3000 words!

I’m ready to declare a winner: Josh Loomis. If only because of his use of the phrase “taco-hole.”

Josh, contact me. Getchoo set up with an edit from yours truly, sir.

Upcoming Projects

I think you know about most of what I got cooking.

Did you hear that I’m writing a novel based on the SPIRIT OF THE CENTURY RPG under the vigilant gaze of Evil Hat’s Fred Hicks? It’s true! I’m very excited about this. Pulp-tastic heroic awesomeness.

Amy Houser is also working on a cover for my first Atlanta Burns novella, SHOTGUN GRAVY. Soon as she’s done with that the e-book will go live. I’ve got all four novellas outlined.

Got the first draft of my YA-ish corn-punk novel POPCORN back from the agent. Going through it now, picking nits, combing knots, hacking off limbs left and right. Fingers crossed.

I’ve got other irons in the fire, see if some of them won’t get hotty-burny-melty soon enough.

How about you people? Whatchoo got going on? How’s your writing going? Share and share alike.

 

Revenge Of The Penmonkey: Now Available

Borne on the back of a galloping hell-pony, carried in the satchel of a certified inkslinger, I give you:

REVENGE OF THE PENMONKEY.

A mere $2.99.

Your procurement options are as follows:

Kindle (US): Buy Here

Kindle (UK): Buy Here

Nook: Buy Here

Or, buy the PDF ($2.99) by clicking the BUY NOW button:


Be advised: I sell the PDF through Paypal. I’ll send you the e-book directly via email after you purchase: generally speaking, you will receive the file within an hour of purchase. But sometimes Paypal mysteriously delays alerting me, or something I’m asleep (like, say, if you order the book at midnight EST).

Just to be safe, I’ll say that you will receive the file within 12 hours of ordering.

Though again, that’s an extreme case.

Now that we’ve gotten that out of the way…

What’s In The Book?

REVENGE OF THE PENMONKEY is another collection of essays and articles ripped from the, erm, “pages” of this blog right here. It features 30 such essays, including but not limited to:

“Beware Of Writer II”

“How To Tell If You’re A Writer”

“How To Jumpstart A Stalled Novel”

“Panster Versus Plotter”

“Six Signs You’re Not Ready To Be A Professional Writer”

“Why Writers Drink”

“Word-Karate: On Writing Action Scenes”

“Writers Should Be Motherfucking Rock Stars”

“Your Self-Published Book May Suck A Bag of Dicks”

The book tackles self-publishing, freelance writing, story architecture, action scenes, and overall casts an unblinking eye at the insane-yet-delightful existence of the Average Everyday Penmonkey.

Original Content!

The book features 70,000 words of delicious fatty mind-meat material, but some of that material is brand spankin’ new. The book features a new 10,000 word “introduction” (True Confessions Of A Freelance Penmonkey”) which talks about my life and the lessons I’ve learned about writing along the way. It features stories of crashed vans, strap-on dildos, shit-shooting, college sex, Yukon Jack, and gunshot wounds.

Some essays also receive postscript commentary where appropriate. Talking about general fan response or adding clarification. Noodling my own Devil’s advocacy. And so forth.

The book also has another 20+ Questions appendix in which I answer questions put forth by You Crazy Humans Of The Internet. I answer questions about project management, writing goals, fatherhood, Disney princesses, and ketchup. This is riveting shit. It will blow your mind out the back of your head so hard, it shall kill whoever is standing behind you. So don’t read it in a bank line.

Finally, the book also gets a brand new writer’s prayer: The Inkslinger’s Invocation.

Promotion!

First week promotion:

If you buy REVENGE OF THE PENMONKEY between now and the close of Tuesday, September 13th, I will toss you a free PDF copy of 250 THINGS YOU SHOULD KNOW ABOUT WRITING.

If you procure ROTPM via PDF through me, I will send you 250 THINGS automatically.

If you procure ROTPM via Amazon or B&N, you will need to email me proof of your purchase to: terribleminds at gmail dot com. I will then send you 250 THINGS.

Still not convinced to buy?

This Is How I Finance Terribleminds

Over the last year, maintaining this website has become a little more cost intensive: quite seriously and without trying to brag (though, I gotta brag a little), the visits to this blog have gone through the roof over the last six months. That means I’ve had to push this site to one of the more expensive hosting plans just to keep it from springing leaks and to keep my host from quietly drowning terribleminds in a toilet.

Further, my time has become even more premium with the birth of Der Wendigspawn, “B-Dub The Magnificent, Diminutive Dictator And Emperor Of Pennsyltucky.” As such, it gets harder and harder to provide robust content here as often as I do — so, again, having that financial core to the site via my writing-related e-books helps keep the whole boat afloat.

I’m not saying you should feel obliged or guilty anything. I’m just saying, if you don’t buy it, it’s going to be another tear-stained pillow night. And my son will suffer from scurvy because I cannot afford orange juice.

“I Want To Commit Further Sins In Your Name”

You wanna do more? Spread the word, for one. Even if you’re not procuring the book, then putting it on the radar of someone who might is a good thing and to that I’d say, thank you.

Also: leave reviews. Amazon, B&N, Goodreads. If you love the book, tell the world. If you hate the book, tell your houseplants and quietly swallow your burgeoning rage until a thrombosis forms in your veins.

For any and all of your help, I say: thank you.

“I Want Even More Free Shit, Wendig”

And so, I give you three wallpapers. Let me know if you can download them okay. You should be able to just click the image and download the size you so desire (up to 1600 x 1200).

(The Penmonkey sigil by Amy Houser. Cover and wallpaper design by yours truly.)

WRITE BIG AND WRITE BOLD

DONE FUCKING AROUND

F.U.


Flash Fiction Challenge: 100 Words On The Subject Of Revenge

Plucked From The Pages Of History” is the prior week’s challenge, and I ask — nay, demand! — you go check it out. Right now. No, no, I’ll wait.

Revenge. Powerful topic, innit? To strike back. To give what they got comin’.

To pay a debt that burns deep in the heart like a smoldering coal.

So, that’s what I want you to write about.

Revenge.

Here’s the trick, though — it is such a potent subject, and yet I want you to increase its potency by compressing the story’s density like the aforementioned coal until a sharp and deadly diamond is formed.

You do not have 1000 words.

You only have 100.

And again, we’re talking a complete story in 100 words, not a poetic exercise, not a vignette captured in time, not the beginning of a story or just its ending. The whole kaboodle. An entire tale.

Doesn’t matter what genre. Crime is an easy one, but don’t feel married to that. Fantasy? Sci-fi? Erotica? Whatever you want, throw it at the wall, see what sticks.

From that bunch I’ll pick a favorite and that winner will get a copy of my newest writing-related e-book in PDF format. REVENGE OF THE PENMONKEY. Chock full of inkslinging goodness.

I still prefer you post the 100 words at your own site, but if you don’t have one, you can deposit the tale in the comments below. Make sure to link to your story if posted elsewhere.

You’ve got the usual week. September 9th, by noon EST.

Now, get to sinning. It’s time to enact your vengeance.

EDIT:

AHEM.

I have chosen.

Not one, but five favorites. As always,a hard choice, but that’s life in the big city.

The five (all of whom need to contact me to procure a free copy of ROTPM):

Bob Bois

Samantha Mathis

Jess Hartley

CY Reid

Amber (she of “Raising The Stakes”)

Hit me at terribleminds [at] gmail [dot] com or use the Contact form above.

Thanks, peeps!

Will Entrekin: The Terribleminds Interview

This has been a week focusing on self-publishing talk, and so it seems only fitting that today’s interview is with an author whose work is out there in the DIY self-published space. Do I always agree with Will? No. Do I always find him respectful? Indeed. He’s a smart guy with lots to say on the subject, so I’ll let him get right to it. Oh! His website is here — willentrekin.com — and follow him on Twitter @willentrekin.

This is a blog about writing and storytelling so before we do anything else, I’d like you to tell me – and, of course, the fine miscreants and deviants that read this site – a story. As short or long as you care to make it, as true or false as you see it.

Neat prompt. How about two really short ones?

Once upon a time seeks happily ever after.

Reality creates time in motion.

How would you describe your writing or storytelling style?

Two “ex” words: exciting and explosions. I always want to tell stories that have both surprise and inevitability, and I like to do so in compelling, page-turning ways, but I like to explore all the elements that might make readers turn a page (or press a button, I suppose, with e-readers). My shorter work and my first novel have been more experimental and character-driven, but even in that way, I like to try to blow shit up. I often say that I aimed to blow up love, storytelling, and the novel itself in Meets Girl; with The Prodigal Hour, I wanted to blow up the universe, reality, and time.

What’s awesome about being a writer or storyteller?

Being able to blow up the universe, reality, and time? Seriously, though, the best part about storytelling, for me, is the stories. They say necessity is the mother of invention, and it’s the mother of storytelling for me; I tell the stories I need to read because nobody else has written them yet.

Conversely, what sucks about it?

The current publishing model and the business that grew around it for no other reason than a desire to maintain a status quo, and an inability to innovate. Thankfully, though, it’s in the process of changing. I think it’s going to be a hard transition because it’s been so slow to come and has been slow in adoption, but I think the more quickly people embrace the possibility for change, the better.

Deliver unto us a single-serving dollop of writing or storytelling advice (without which you would perish atop a glacier):

“Do or do not. There is no try.” What can I say? Yoda taught me screenwriting.

Your foot is pretty seriously forward in the self-publishing camp. What made you go that way? Did you ever try the “traditional” route, and would you ever try it again?

It’s grown out of a deeper understanding of market, and how to reach it. My first experience in publishing was at USC, which designated its master’s degree as professional writing; pretty much every class I took required us to not only workshop but also submit our work (and the ones that didn’t focused on either business or the literary marketplace. It’s a rare writing program that focuses as much on craft as on business). While at USC, I workshopped several short stories (I’ve always been more a novelist than anything else), but when it came down to submitting . . . well, I thought there were better ways I could invest my time than by submitting to short story markets, which seemed to be either little literary magazines that paid in complimentary copies and “publication credits.” But I still had a decent amount of short stories and essays I liked a lot, and I had experience in editing and lay-out, and Lulu had just started up not long before, and I thought, well, what the shit?

Since March 2007, that self-titled collection has done more than I imagined. That June, it became the first ebook on the iPhone. Last I knew, nearly 10,000 people had downloaded it (and I only don’t know now because Lulu quit recording anything free, which is annoying, and which is why I’ve largely moved away from doing business through them), and that was, I think, two years ago? Something like that.

For a long time, I thought that the twentieth-century model for distribution was useful. (Corporate/legacy publishing–whatever you want to call it–is not traditional. Poe, Twain, Thoreau, and myriad others published their own work long before publishers grouped together to sell specifically to bookstores and refuse unagented manuscripts.) You have to know what your product is and how the market finds that product, and the twentieth-century model seemed to make sense. And yes, while I was at USC, I did go out on submission with The Prodigal Hour. I generally had a pretty good response rate, and several requests for partials and fulls. Ultimately, most of the agents noted that I’m a good writer and it’s a great idea but time travel is a difficult sell. Later, I sent Meets Girl to a couple of the agents who had seen partials of The Prodigal Hour and noted they wouldn’t mind seeing more work down the line, but response there was similar (this time, meta is a difficult sell).

And then I bought a Kindle. Until the third generation, they were awkward, ugly gadgets with terrible buttons and strange designs, and then, this third time around, it was like Bezos finally fired his pre-school engineers and brought in the big boys. For me, the Kindle is truly the only viable e-ink reader on the market; the iPad and nook color both have LCD screens, which disqualifies them from long-form reading, at least for me. Don’t get me wrong: I can totally see using an iPad for just about anything besides reading a novel (and, indeed, intend to both purchase one and design apps–not ebooks–for it). And for a longtime reader, someone who loved books even more than music or movies, I fell for the Kindle the way people fell for the iPod. It’s beautiful, and perfect to hold, and books look great (I don’t mind not having color. None of the novels I read use color interior fonts).

Now, people are going to bookstores less, which are closing–we’re down to two major chains (Books-A-Million and Barnes & Noble) in the US, and the second is focusing on its own digital reader. Which means the whole “You need an agent/publisher! How else do you expect to get on bookshelves?” argument is going rather moot.

By the time I bought the Kindle, I’d already completed “Meets Girl.” And I’d already completed most of my MBA. And I already understood more about business and marketing and strategy plans, and enough to realize that the twentieth century model never actually made sense and carried too much over from Depression-era incentives. Returns? Dumb. Remainders? Dumb.

So I thought, either I could look back at the past and try what everyone else had done and which was floundering and flailing and, ultimately, failing, or I could look at what I had, and what was available, and try to use it as best I could to move forward with it. In an era of recessions, tough economics, environmental troubles, and an explosion of information, publishing my novels directly just seemed to make better sense. My novels are inexpensive ($3) for Kindle (which you can read on almost every reader, save, I think, Sony & Kobo), and the paperbacks look fantastic and print only when people actually want them, so there’s neither overstock nor forests felled. I don’t tend to have blockbuster opening weekends, but I do pretty well over the long term, and I’ve got my eye on the ring, not the bottom-of-the-ninth homer of opening night’s game.

The “traditional” route? Like Poe and Twain? Well, that’s what I’m doing. But you probably mean try to get an agent or talk to bigger publishers than I already am, and there I’d say it would depend on the contract/arrangements. At this point in time, I’m not really interested in contacting agents; I loathe the no-response=pass policy so many have adopted, and I’ve been seeing more of them begin to offer publishing services to authors, which I see as a huge conflict of interest. I could probably benefit from deeper marketing pockets and distribution to Target/Costco/Books-A-Million (I’m already in paperback on Barnes & Noble and Amazon), but I don’t have the exposure of Snooki or the PAC of Sarah Palin, so I’m not sure. I’d also be unsure of giving up digital rights to my work, and I’d expect just about any such arrangement/contract would make that request. I dislike the idea of an advance-against-royalties (I always said that, offered one, I’d give my agent his/her cut and then request the publisher reinvest that cash in marketing, then take more royalties).

Do you have advice for authors who seek to self-publish?

Er. Besides stop calling it that? Beyond the advice without which I would perish atop a glacier? It’s simple: write a book you legitimately think is great, and can stand shoulder-to-shoulder with other books you’ve loved, and share it with everyone you possibly can. But first, FIRST, write that book you believe in. I know it’s hard to manage objectivity. I know everyone loves the thought of being a writer. But seriously, shoot your ego in the head and sit down with your book and read it like you had to find it and buy it, read it like it’s from your favorite author, and ask yourself if you’d be disappointed.

I’m also a firm believer in writing programs. I wouldn’t argue an MFA is necessary, but I know I’m a better writer because I studied at USC.

Finally: get some help. Definitely hire an editor and proofreader and maybe even someone to go over the code. I do all the writing, coding, and formatting, but I wouldn’t publish a thing without my editrix. I like to get my hands dirty in html and cover design, and I’m getting better at it. But the cover for my collection was basic at best. I had reasons for it, and no interest in changing it, but my understanding of design has evolved; I love my covers for Meets Girl and The Prodigal Hour.

What are your thoughts on calling self-publishing “indie” publishing? It’s a contentious term and comes with a bit of baggage.

Now Chuck, you just handed me a can of worms. But that’s okay. I grew up in scouts, and I’ve gone fishing plenty of times. I know what to do with these.

Thoughts? That’s what it is. Independent publishing. There’s no such thing as so-called “self-publishing.” I wrote about it here:

http://willentrekin.com/2010/10/20/theres-no-such-thing-as-self-publishing/

See also my post on Team Indie:

http://willentrekin.com/2011/03/25/team-indie/

First: contentious. I’ve encountered some of the contention you mention. Mainly from people with ties to the twentieth-century model and some legitimate reason (like their careers) they wouldn’t want to see it decline. So far as baggage, I honestly think that the so-called “self-publishing” stigma was baggage propagated by those who had such biases, often in the guise of either “vetting” or “gatekeeping.” The usual argument is that if authors publish their own novels without some third party involved, how will the general public and culture at large know what to read? I’d say Snooki renders that argument invalid, but I know a lot of people who subsequently make the claim that she’s different because she’s a celebrity and . . . the whole debate follows a roughly consistent track.

The thing is: imagine a great wall. Of publishing. Huge and monumental, and with gates along the way, each of which leads to a staircase to the top of the wall, and imagine that a wonderful culture exists on the other side of that wall. Writers want access to that culture, and in recent times, the only way to connect to that culture, and all its readers, was to get through those gates to ascend those stairs. Problem was, agents and editors had the keys to those gates.

Now imagine a huge and monumental force that is eroding that wall as surely as the wind over the Sahara. It’s not fast, but it is surely consistent, and over time that wall is starting to disappear, even if those staircases and gates are remaining intact. Which they are.

After that erosion, writers no longer need to ascend those stairs to get over the wall. They can do so, of course, and sometimes those stairs give them a little more attention from readers, and give them some place of advantage, but they don’t have to do so. Agents and editors won’t give up their keys, and of course they’re desperate to convince writers that the only way to reach readers is to get through those gates and ascend those stairs, but by and large, that wall is getting smaller and lower and easier to traverse. Are those gates and staircases becoming more important, or are agents and editors just becoming more desperate in their attempts to retain hold of those keys and convince writers of their value?

I’m not sure, to be honest, but I’ll tell you what I know: I’m a reader. I’ve shopped in bookstores but largely gave up on them when all the displays went over to Twilight and Snooki and board games and puzzles and it seemed like booksellers wanted less and less to sell stories and more and more to sell . . . well, I don’t know what they sell, to be candid, nor to whom.

I just know what I’ve got. I’ve got some stories I’m damned proud of. And when I look at those stories, I know they don’t belong on a table next to those books. Nothing wrong with being on a table, mind. Just, I know that people who want what’s on that table probably aren’t going to be interested in what I’m doing, and I’m fine with that. I’m content, right now, to continue to publish my novels and stories and essays directly to my readers, but that’s what I’m publishing: novels and stories and essays. Not my “self.” I don’t even know what my “self” is.

I’m pleased to connect with people, to share my stories directly with them. It makes my day when people email me to tell me they liked my work, or when someone tweets the page for The Prodigal Hour and includes an “@” me. Which is also why it’s meant so much to me that you’ve given me interview time and attention on your site. I’m an irregular reader, but I always like what you post. And I think your readers would like my work. So thank you.

Favorite word? And then, the follow up: Favorite curse word?

Cunt. Favorite curse? May you find only closed convenience stores when you need to purchase condoms at 3 am.

Favorite alcoholic beverage? (If cocktail: provide recipe. If you don’t drink alcohol, fine, fine, a non-alcoholic beverage will do.)

Gin. Straight-up, a dirty martini is perfect, especially with, say, Tanqueray or Hendrick’s (I’m a purist; if it doesn’t have gin, it’s not a martini. It’s just a drink in a martini glass, and likely utterly undrinkable). Cocktail: New Amsterdam gin with either Diet Pepsi Max or Wild Cherry Diet Pepsi. Recipe . . . er. Generous?

Recommend a book, comic book, film, game: something with great story. Go!

Book: Richard Kadrey’s Sandman Slim is so good I bought the book’s sequel but haven’t read it yet because the third one isn’t out yet. I like the idea of letting Kadrey stay one book ahead of me, because no matter what happens, there’s another Kadrey book to read.

I sadly haven’t read comic books since Scott Lobdell and Fabien Nicieza and their mid-90s X-Men runs. Although that mid-90s X-Men run, with its time travel and Age of Apocalypse alternate reality, probably influenced The Prodigal Hour in a ton of ways.

I’m going to recommend Kiss, Kiss, Bang, Bang because I think it’s one of the most tragically underrated flicks of the past decade.

So far as games, well, that’s where some of the story experiences are coming from right now. Two games, Uncharted and InFamous, and their sequels come immediately to mind, and I loved Red Dead Redemption (though I admit I enabled some of the cheats. I had a horse. My horse was amazing). My editrix would kill me if I didn’t mention Bioware and its Mass Effect series.

Where are my pants?

Dude, I don’t know what the midget told you, but I had absolutely nothing to do with it.

Got anything to pimp? Now’s the time!

The Prodigal Hour. Friday July 1, 2011. The world’s first pre-/post-9/11 novel. For Kindle, on Smashwords, and in paperback, as well as serialized at http://willentrekin.com.

Also via willentrekin.com, you can find links to my other work, including another novel, Meets Girl, a couple of short stories, an essay, and a collection.

All right, you’re going to have to sell us harder on Prodigal Hour. Pre-/post-9/11? What does that mean? Give the deeper, harder sell. And yes, I realize that sounds pornographic.

It’s a time-travel novel that opens on Halloween 2001, as well as in 1606. But it certainly doesn’t stay on October 31, 2001 (nor in 1606), even if the events that occur before that date technically occur after it.

See? Time travel. Crazy. Also, epic. In the real sense of the world. Not in the sense of fails and wins but in the sense of spanning all of time and space, a single-generational saga about grief and love and loss and acceptance. Part of it takes place on September 10th, 2001. Some of it takes place–well, I don’t want to ruin that surprise. But what it all comes down to is one young man deeply affected by September 11th, who just wants to make the world a better place, and how what begins with his best intentions becomes instead a desperate race against time to prevent forces he doesn’t understand from not just ending the universe but rather rendering completely and eternally nonexistent in the first place.

Also, did I mention it’s inexpensive? One of the benefits of being independent is that my only middle-man is Amazon. Which means I can price stories and essays at a buck and novels at three bucks, right here:

http://www.amazon.com/Will-Entrekin/e/B004JPDYBY

Seriously, three dollars for 90,000-word novels written under the guidance of gurus like Irvin Kershner and Janet Fitch? How could you possibly go wrong?

Because The Prodigal Hour is not the only thing up, after all. There’s also the aforementioned Meets Girl, which is a contemporary update of Faust with a meta-fictional twist, full of love and romance and writing and Manhattan like Adaptation met The Dreamers and collaborated on a new Annie Hall. Plus short stories about fatherhood and the Blues.

What’s next for you?

Heh. Yeah, your reputation rests on the last thing you publish while your career rests on the next thing, right? My next things are myriad. I’ve got some plans for a couple of novellas and several more short stories, as well as some poetry, this year.

Neat prompt. How about two really short ones?

Once upon a time seeks happily ever after.

Reality creates time in motion.

How would you describe your writing or storytelling style?

Two “ex” words: exciting and explosions. I always want to tell stories that have both surprise and inevitability, and I like to do so in compelling, page-turning ways, but I like to explore all the elements that might make readers turn a page (or press a button, I suppose, with e-readers). My shorter work and my first novel have been more experimental and character-driven, but even in that way, I like to try to blow shit up. I often say that I aimed to blow up love, storytelling, and the novel itself in Meets Girl; with The Prodigal Hour, I wanted to blow up the universe, reality, and time.

What’s awesome about being a writer or storyteller?

Being able to blow up the universe, reality, and time? Seriously, though, the best part about storytelling, for me, is the stories. They say necessity is the mother of invention, and it’s the mother of storytelling for me; I tell the stories I need to read because nobody else has written them yet.

Conversely, what sucks about it?

The current publishing model and the business that grew around it for no other reason than a desire to maintain a status quo, and an inability to innovate. Thankfully, though, it’s in the process of changing. I think it’s going to be a hard transition because it’s been so slow to come and has been slow in adoption, but I think the more quickly people embrace the possibility for change, the better.

Deliver unto us a single-serving dollop of writing or storytelling advice that you yourself follow as a critical tip without which you might starve and die atop a glacier somewhere:

“Do or do not. There is no try.” What can I say? Yoda taught me screenwriting.

Favorite word? And then, the follow up: Favorite curse word?

Cunt. Favorite curse? May you find only closed convenience stores when you need to purchase condoms at 3 am.

Favorite alcoholic beverage? (If cocktail: provide recipe. If you don’t drink alcohol, fine, fine, a non-alcoholic beverage will do.)

Gin. Straight-up, a dirty martini is perfect, especially with, say, Tanqueray or Hendrick’s (I’m a purist; if it doesn’t have gin, it’s not a martini. It’s just a drink in a martini glass, and likely utterly undrinkable). Cocktail: New Amsterdam gin with either Diet Pepsi Max or Wild Cherry Diet Pepsi. Recipe . . . er. Generous?

Recommend a book, comic book, film, game: something with great story. Go!

Book: Richard Kadrey’s Sandman Slim is so good I bought the book’s sequel but haven’t read it yet because the third one isn’t out yet. I like the idea of letting Kadrey stay one book ahead of me, because no matter what happens, there’s another Kadrey book to read.

I sadly haven’t read comic books since Scott Lobdell and Fabien Nicieza and their mid-90s X-Men runs. Although that mid-90s X-Men run, with its time travel and Age of Apocalypse alternate reality, probably influenced The Prodigal Hour in a ton of ways.

I’m going to recommend Kiss, Kiss, Bang, Bang because I think it’s one of the most tragically underrated flicks of the past decade.

So far as games, well, that’s where some of the story experiences are coming from right now. Two games, Uncharted and InFamous, and their sequels come immediately to mind, and I loved Red Dead Redemption (though I admit I enabled some of the cheats. I had a horse. My horse was amazing). My editrix would kill me if I didn’t mention Bioware and its Mass Effect series.

Where are my pants?

Dude, I don’t know what the midget told you, but I had absolutely nothing to do with it.

Got anything to pimp? Now’s the time!

The Prodigal Hour. Friday July 1, 2011. The world’s first pre-/post-9/11 novel. For Kindle, on Smashwords, and in paperback, as well as serialized at http://willentrekin.com

Also via willentrekin.com, you can find links to my other work, including another novel, Meets Girl, a couple of short stories, an essay, and a collection.

This is a blog about writing and storytelling above all else so before we do anything else, I’d like you to tell me – and, of course, the fine miscreants and deviants that read this site – a story. As short or long as you care to make it, as true or false as you see it.

Neat prompt. How about two really short ones?

 

Once upon a time seeks happily ever after.

 

Reality creates time in motion.

 

How would you describe your writing or storytelling style?

Two “ex” words: exciting and explosions. I always want to tell stories that have both surprise and inevitability, and I like to do so in compelling, page-turning ways, but I like to explore all the elements that might make readers turn a page (or press a button, I suppose, with e-readers). My shorter work and my first novel have been more experimental and character-driven, but even in that way, I like to try to blow shit up. I often say that I aimed to blow up love, storytelling, and the novel itself in Meets Girl; with The Prodigal Hour, I wanted to blow up the universe, reality, and time.

 

What’s awesome about being a writer or storyteller?

Being able to blow up the universe, reality, and time? Seriously, though, the best part about storytelling, for me, is the stories. They say necessity is the mother of invention, and it’s the mother of storytelling for me; I tell the stories I need to read because nobody else has written them yet.

 

Conversely, what sucks about it?

The current publishing model and the business that grew around it for no other reason than a desire to maintain a status quo, and an inability to innovate. Thankfully, though, it’s in the process of changing. I think it’s going to be a hard transition because it’s been so slow to come and has been slow in adoption, but I think the more quickly people embrace the possibility for change, the better.

 

Deliver unto us a single-serving dollop of writing or storytelling advice that you yourself follow as a critical tip without which you might starve and die atop a glacier somewhere:

“Do or do not. There is no try.” What can I say? Yoda taught me screenwriting.

 

Favorite word? And then, the follow up: Favorite curse word?

Cunt. Favorite curse? May you find only closed convenience stores when you need to purchase condoms at 3 am.

 

Favorite alcoholic beverage? (If cocktail: provide recipe. If you don’t drink alcohol, fine, fine, a non-alcoholic beverage will do.)

 

Gin. Straight-up, a dirty martini is perfect, especially with, say, Tanqueray or Hendrick’s (I’m a purist; if it doesn’t have gin, it’s not a martini. It’s just a drink in a martini glass, and likely utterly undrinkable). Cocktail: New Amsterdam gin with either Diet Pepsi Max or Wild Cherry Diet Pepsi. Recipe . . . er. Generous?

 

Recommend a book, comic book, film, game: something with great story. Go!

Book: Richard Kadrey’s Sandman Slim is so good I bought the book’s sequel but haven’t read it yet because the third one isn’t out yet. I like the idea of letting Kadrey stay one book ahead of me, because no matter what happens, there’s another Kadrey book to read.

I sadly haven’t read comic books since Scott Lobdell and Fabien Nicieza and their mid-90s X-Men runs. Although that mid-90s X-Men run, with its time travel and Age of Apocalypse alternate reality, probably influenced The Prodigal Hour in a ton of ways.

I’m going to recommend Kiss, Kiss, Bang, Bang because I think it’s one of the most tragically underrated flicks of the past decade.

So far as games, well, that’s where some of the story experiences are coming from right now. Two games, Uncharted and InFamous, and their sequels come immediately to mind, and I loved Red Dead Redemption (though I admit I enabled some of the cheats. I had a horse. My horse was amazing). My editrix would kill me if I didn’t mention Bioware and its Mass Effect series.

 

Where are my pants?

Dude, I don’t know what the midget told you, but I had absolutely nothing to do with it.

 

Got anything to pimp? Now’s the time!

The Prodigal Hour. Friday July 1, 2011. The world’s first pre-/post-9/11 novel. For Kindle, on Smashwords, and in paperback, as well as serialized at http://willentrekin.com

 

Also via willentrekin.com, you can find links to my other work, including another novel, Meets Girl, a couple of short stories, an essay, and a collection.