Apple-Obsessed Author Fella

Year: 2018 (page 16 of 32)

Macro Monday And The Wonky Website Of Doom

LOOK, A PRETTY PICTURE.

That’s the good news.

The bad news is, this here website has gone a little wonky. I spent most of last week dealing with my webhost, LiquidWeb (who are great, by the way) in order to squash some bugs. And squashing some bugs meant doing tons of updates — both to WordPress and to some server side business — which took time and put the website out of commission and such. It’s mostly up and working again, with the exception of the blog page. Individual blog posts, like this one, should work fine, and subscriptions should once again be going out. (They stopped, which was one of the bugs that needed squashing.) But the blog page itself is now weirdly empty, which means I need to somehow find a way to update my theme and hope that does the trick.

So, we’re operating at 90%, but still trying to eke out that last ten.

Worse comes to worse, I may just say fuck it and nab a new theme and just start changing the look of the site, because it’s been a while since YE OLDE TERRIBLEMINDS had a refresh.

In the meantime!

That means I missed announcing the end of the Awkward Author photo contest — I’ve updated that page accordingly and extended the due date out. The contest submission period now runs till July 11th, Wednesday, since this week is a holiday. Get awkward and enter!

Let’s see. What else is up?

The world is still a clogged and bulging sewer pipe, so that’s fun.

Here is a fun Twitter thread I did about dreams, if you’d rather that.

Also, if you haven’t met Mister Carrot, do so.

And I’d be remiss if I did not remind you that today is the last day to grab Zer0es at the $1.99 price for the Kindle e-book. So, if like hackers and artificial intelligence and thrillery fun-times with a little splash of body horror, hey, I got you covered for under two bucks.

I think that’s it for now — expect some potential further wonkiness throughout the week as I continue to fold, spindle and mutilate the website back into fighting shape. Be good to each other.

Tremontaine: The Interview

Previously on Tremontaine…

Ixkaab Balam came to the city to do her family duty and put a botched spying mission behind her; she didn’t expect to find politics, the sword, or a discovery that threatens to put her family’s coveted chocolate monopoly at risk.

By the time of Kaab’s arrival, Diane, Duchess Tremontaine was long used to the surprises her city could deal out. Originally from the north, she had also once been a stranger to this place. With a past to hide and a house in financial peril, the duchess wasted no time in forging a secret alliance with the newcomer.

Politics, however, never has only two players. Kaab and Diane quickly found their plans complicated by Rafe Fenton, a handsome scholar with more passion than sense, and Micah Heslop, a farm girl with a unique perspective on the world and the mathematics that define it.

The dance of betrayal and treachery that followed was mostly fun and games. After all, in this city the powerful hire swordsmen to fight – sometimes to the death – for entertainment.

But now, a complex engineering project that could open the city to the world threatens to put everyone at risk. With little distinction between enemies and lovers or rivals and friends, survival – even for the savviest of players – is not guaranteed.

This city that never was is changing, dear reader. Outcasts are the tastemakers, and now, more than ever, is the time to keep your wit as sharp as your steel!

* * *

As Tremontaine approaches its fourth season, we’re showing off the cover image for the first time — and, to celebrate, its current writers got together digitally to ask each other questions about the weird world of collaborative writing, extreme research, and letting other people see our most draftiest drafts.

Tessa Gratton: What’s your favorite thing about writing for Tremontaine?

Liz Duffy Adams: I like being a sort of stealth collaborator on Tremontaine, emerging from the wilderness into the Land to join my name with another writer and then vanish again. It was intimidating at first. I read and loved Tremontaine before I was invited into it, and of course Swordspoint and the other original novels before that, so I was reasonably steeped in the world. But suddenly to be writing in these fabulous characters’ voices, characters I had no hand in creating, in this immensely rich and detailed world where I had only been a tourist, not a citizen? I quailed a bit.

And then I began to enjoy myself. The hunt episode in Season Three that I wrote with Delia Sherman was sheer pleasure; working with Delia—she of luminous wit and perfect sentences—is always great fun, and among other things a brief moment with Lady Davenant alone in her chamber made me very happy. And now I’m back in Season Four in another episode co-written with Delia, and three with the droll and brilliant Joel Derfner, with whom I got to introduce a couple of new characters and so feel I’ve left a small footprint in the City, before slipping back off across the river.

Joel Derfner: Which of our characters is the most difficult for you to write, and why?

Tessa Gratton: I find it extremely difficult to write Micah. Or rather, to convince myself to write from her POV. Once I’m in it, I can do it–she’s so unique and her voice is fun, interesting, and entertaining, her perspective different from everyone else’s. But when I’m working on an episode in its early stages, choosing which point of view I’m going to use for an episode frame, or for individual scenes, Micah is always my last choice. I avoid her if I can help it, and it took me a while to realize why: she’s not ambitious and she doesn’t have desires the way the rest of the characters do–which is a function of who she is. Sure, she wants things: to learn, to grow, to have family, protect her loved ones, to ascend to a purely mathematical state, probably. Unlike our other main characters, she’s not a schemer, and she isn’t an actor. She’s a reactor. You bet she’ll finish something somebody else starts if it will protect her people, but she doesn’t start things on her own. To me, that makes her a less useful protagonist. I love how she wanders through our narrative, affecting people and making everything just better, but that’s frustrating for me to write, when I need DRAMA.

ALSO anytime somebody calls Micah cinnamon roll, I think to myself, “I like to eat cinnamon rolls.” Especially in a show like Tremontaine, I look for ways to hurt the characters, to make them suffer and dial the angst up to 100%. I just can’t do that to Micah!

Ellen Kushner: Which character do you most identify with?

Karen Lord: Definitely Joshua. A bit of an observer, drama happens around him more than it happens to him, and he tries his best to look out for his friends.

Racheline Maltese: I wouldn’t say I identify with Diane–I don’t have that type of self-control, for one–but I think her actions are highly rational and, for the world she lives in, highly reasonable. I know we’re often supposed to preface discussions of her with “I know she’s a bad person, but…” except I don’t think she is. Davenant is a bad person; he’s not trying to survive, he’s trying to dominate. Diane really is trying to survive, even if that survival is through winning. She’s just a perfectionist about her survival. I get it. I really do.

Karen Lord: What new thing did you learn from writing with a team that changed your own solo writing process?

Ellen Kushner: The main thing I have learned, with humility and respect, is how differently everyone’s brain works. I know by now that we’re going to end up with thirteen highly elegant novellas. But as we work our way through First Outline to Second Outline to Zero Draft to It’s Ready for Editing Draft, some people’s First Outlines read like rough arguments inside their brains, while others are precise right down to the word count for each scene. Some Zero Drafts appear smooth and polished. Others – well, OK, mine – are full of alternate word suggestions and bracketed questions.  The one thing we all have in common is that everyone is convinced that their rough draft is awful, which I find hilarious because they’re all so brilliant. And Joel Derfner taught all of us the [say something really smart here] technique of [adjective] bracketing in Zero Drafts.

Liz Duffy Adams: Is there a character you feel particular ownership over/affinity with, and how does it feel to share them?

Karen Lord: Out of all the strangers in a strange Land, Esha, probably. I quite like sharing her as long as she’s Doing Stuff for Herself more than she’s Doing Stuff for Others.

Ellen Kushner: Which of our gang of authors would you most like to have write your own death scene?

Karen Lord: Tessa, without doubt! It will be profound, touching and remembered for generations to come!

Ellen Kushner: I want Liz Duffy Adams to write my death scene because the dialogue will be spectacular. I want Joel Derfner to write my death scene, because it will happen so fast I won’t feel a thing. I want Karen Lord to write my death scene because the secrets of the universe will be revealed (after some hot sex). I want Tessa Gratton to write my death scene because it will be incredibly moving and everyone would cry buckets. I want Racheline Maltese to write my death scene because there will be a spectacular sword fight – and maybe a cow.

* * *

Tremontaine season 1-3 are available on the Serial Box app and website and on all third party retailers. Season 1 is also available in print wherever books are sold. Tremontaine season 4 will be available on September 12th.

Flash Fiction Challenge: Pop Culture Mash-Up Edition

This is a classic, and it’s always a blast — roll a d20 or use a random number generator, once for each of the two tables below. Then, take each of the results and mash them together in a flash fiction story.

Note: the goal is not to tell a literal fan-fic story set in those pop culture storyworlds — though, I guess if you wanna do that, hey, YOU DO YOU. The goal is to take the spirit of those two properties and find a story that embodies the weird mashup. (The origins of this particular challenge come from that old Hollywood conceit of pitching your original story to executives as X meets Y — “It’s The Big Bang Theory meets Westworld ha ha ha right? Hand me money.”)

Length: You have, mmm, let’s say 2000 words for this one.

Due by: next Friday, 7/19, noon EST.

Post the story at your online space.

Give us a linky-poo so we can follow it back.

Now, the two tables —

TABLE X

  1. The Incredibles
  2. The Last Starfighter
  3. Adventure Time
  4. Gravity Falls
  5. Nightmare on Elm Street
  6. Gilmore Girls
  7. The Thing
  8. Saving Private Ryan
  9. Goodfellas
  10. The Hobbit
  11. Dune
  12. The Handmaid’s Tale
  13. The Jetsons
  14. Batman
  15. Stephen King’s The Stand
  16. Get Out
  17. The Matrix
  18. Watership Down
  19. The Hunger Games
  20. Mary Shelley’s Frankenstein

TABLE Y

  1. DuckTales
  2. Hamilton
  3. Avatar the Last Airbender
  4. The Princess Bride
  5. When Harry Met Sally
  6. The Shape of Water
  7. Charlie and the Chocolate Factory
  8. Se7en
  9. Neuromancer
  10. Spirited Away
  11. Indiana Jones
  12. The Fast & The Furious
  13. James Bond
  14. Alice in Wonderland
  15. Transformers
  16. GI Joe
  17. The Cat In The Hat
  18. Parks and Recreation
  19. Twin Peaks
  20. The Bible

How To Be A Writer In This Fucked-Ass Age Of Rot And Resistance

It is fucking weird being a writer right now.

Especially the writer of what is ostensibly entertainment — it feels precariously like tap-dancing on the Titanic. It’s like, tippity-tap-tappity-tip, “Ya-da-da-da-doo-dee-da-da! Hey, ignore the iceberg, look at me dancing, I’m dancing over here, it’s great, we’re not smashing into a jagged frozen nightmare, ha ha ha that’s just the power of my dance you’re feeling as the boat splits apart and, oh god I’m falling into the hoary black depths, but maybe I can tap dance on an ice floe or the head of a shark–” *is frozen* *is eaten*

What I’m trying to say is:

It’s hecka hard to conjure words these days.

Hard to sit down, avert your gaze from the Hieronymous Bosch painting going on outside your window (“Oh, good, there’s a giant face vomiting up a skeleton bird and the skeleton bird is eating children”), and especially hard to put words down. It can feel hollow. Or like a waste of time, a fruitless endeavor. Or it might just feel like nonsense, like all you’re doing is typing out nice-sounding gibberish that has no impact on anything or anyone. Just squawking into the void. Squawk, squawk. And the void does not answer.

This is truly the stupidest, meanest timeline.

And it would be easy to… just not write.

But that’s not an option. Okay, it’s totally an option, but it’s not a good option, especially for me, where I use this thing I do *gestures broadly to my desk and the scattering of papers and the Chewbacca toy near my coffee-stained keyboard* to pay bills. If I don’t make words into books, I don’t make my mortgage. So, I gotta do it. And, I bet, you gotta do it to. Maybe not for the mortgage, but for your peace of mind. Because it’s what you wanna do. Or better yet: it’s who you are, full-stop, end of story.

Only problem:

How?

How the fuck do you do it? It’s like trying to give a colonoscopy to a rabid badger in the dark — it seems impossible, bitey, foul-smelling. But there are ways. There have to be ways. Let us count them, so we have a way forward, together. Some of this I’ve spoken of before, but it helps me to put it down in words, to create a mission statement and a motivational springboard to help propel me — and hopefully you, too — through the maelstrom.

First: It’s Okay To Be Pissed Off And Upset As Fuck

That thing you’re feeling? That roiling, writhing middle like you just had a enema of Gaboon vipers and jagged driveway gravel? That’s anger. You’re pissed off.

It’s perfectly normal.

Christ, it’s abnormal to not be wanting to bite your keyboard in half. I wanna throw my phone into a wood chipper daily, not because I hate my phone, but because I hate all the hate that my phone contains. *looks at phone* “Oh, good, Trump is putting babies in holes, now, just random holes in the ground, wherever goblin-dildo Stephen Miller can dig them.”

It’s vital to realize you’re not alone. Nor are you alone as a writer who has no idea what to do with all of this — all the fuckery, all the madness, all the poison and sepsis and outhouse tornado, all the cruelty and the terror and the from-creeping-to-sprinting fascism. You are not alone.

Second: It’s Okay To Look Away

You can see a pile of shit on the ground and recognize what it is without stepping in it, and rolling in it, and then eating it. You can see it and walk the other way. You can pinch your nose; nobody is demanding you smell it to prove it. You are not required to marinate in all that’s going on in order to understand it. I promise, in five, maybe ten minutes you can get caught up on the latest batch of dipshit atrocities going on and then go do something else. Go outside. Throw a ball for a dog. Smell some honeysuckle. Have sexytimes with one or several consensual partners.

Self-care is king. Said it before, will say it again: adjust your own oxygen mask before attending to the oxygen masks of others. You’re no good to us if you’re rolling around on the floor, frothing in undirected rage. Pick yourself up, eat a cupcake, read a book —

Then get back into the fight.

Third: Words Are Weapons

In the arsenal of resistance, we have many weapons. We can protest with our bodies, we have votes, we have work stoppages and boycotts, we have Molotov cocktails if shit gets really hinky — but we also have words. Words matter; you have to believe that, if you’re a writer. The entire world is made up of words, and you are good at adding words to the world.

So, do that. Use that. Form your words into weapons and let them fly.

We need to write letters to our politicians. We need to convey what we think over social media, en masse. We can write articles and blog posts, and yes, I understand that seems a very passive, safe form of resistance, but I assure you — words can go far, and can have great power. Art is a presence in protest, or should be: during the most turbulent tides of our time, we look to writers, comedians, musicians, comics, games, and so on and so forth, to help us understand what’s going on. To channel our rage. To crystallize our thoughts and contextualize the history behind us and what’s to come. To find empathy and to practice critical thinking.

Is it enough? By itself, no.

But it’s part of it. We all add to this in our own way, and this is, arguably, your way. You gotta speak your mind. You gotta say what you feel. If only to purge all that pent-up poison.

(And here I recommend following Celeste Pewter, who often has very good advice on directing your words to counter this fuckery.)

Fourth: Words Are A Door

Just the same: embrace the power of escapism.

We all need to escape, man. Every day I’m looking for a portal out of this donkey show and into something more fun, something so distant that I can’t hear the chaos through the walls. Nothing wrong with writing that escape, or seeking it. Use your own stories to provide an out for yourself and your readers; and read books, too, that give you that escape. No shame. Words can be self-care. They can be a doorway out, for a time. A portal to a Narnia where it’s not a circus orgy of sick chimps running around, on fire, throwing flaming shit at one another.

Fifth: Words Are Trojan Horses

Sometimes instead of attacking head on with FROTHY TWEETS and FOUL-MOUTHED LETTERS TO YOUR REPRESENTATIVES, you instead pack a book with a lot of ideas and then you trebuchet that book out into the world. Just as there’s nothing wrong with writing an escapist story, there’s also nothing wrong with taking all that you’re feeling and pumping it into something — a book, a short story, a comic, a game, a poem, a fucking fortune cookie, I dunno. Somewhere. Anywhere. Sometimes, to contextualize resistance for yourself and your readers, you need to enrobe it in the raiment of something else — fantasy fiction, or superhero comics, or literary spec-fic. Ideas sometimes need idea-wrappers: you dress them up in something other than what they seem. It’s like giving your dog a pill: first you slather it in peanut butter.

Sixth: Connect With Your Community

To go back to the beginning: you’re not alone, so now’s the time to remember that and connect with those around you. If you’re feeling fucked up about the world and about your authorial place in it, ping some writer pals. They’ll listen. Trust me. And you listen to them, too. And then signal boost each other. Help out. Form a community. You don’t need to be ronin-ninja-without-clan. You have people. The way we make it through this gauntlet-of-fanged-assholes is not by ourselves, but together.

Seventh and Last: Fuck It, Put Words Down Wherever, Whenever, However

Sometimes that’s all it takes. You don’t need a direction. You don’t need a purpose. You don’t even need an audience. You are a writer, and your tool is right in front of you. Make sentences. Express thoughts. Write a journal, or angry Post-It notes, or an email to a friend. Squeeze the world and let the words ooze out. Write about your hopes, your fears, your everything, your anything. Make words. It’s okay. Have a laugh. Be funny. Be angry. Feel things and put them onto paper. Promote your work because we want to read it. Write your books because we need books now more than we did before. Write of resistance. Write for the resistance. Just make the words happen. A few at a time. Or a lot at once.

It’s what you do. It’s who you are. It’s how you’ll survive.

 

* * *

DAMN FINE STORY: Mastering the Tools of a Powerful Narrative

What do Luke Skywalker, John McClane, and a lonely dog on Ho’okipa Beach have in common? Simply put, we care about them.

Great storytelling is making readers care about your characters, the choices they make, and what happens to them. It’s making your audience feel the tension and emotion of a situation right alongside your protagonist. And to tell a damn fine story, you need to understand why and how that caring happens.

Whether you’re writing a novel, screenplay, video game, or comic, this funny and informative guide is chock-full of examples about the art and craft of storytelling–and how to write a damn fine story of your own.

Out now!

Indiebound | Amazon | B&N

Macro Monday And The Fuck Trump Tweet

Here, have a pretty macro photo.

There shall be more at the bottom of the post.

Fuck Donald Trump.

I said that on Twitter the other day — that thread is here — and apparently, it resonated, given that it went somewhat viral. As it should, honestly. (Resonate, not go viral.) The time of being precious and polite is long past us. This is an era of dark corners, and we just keep on turning them, into deeper, blacker pockets of moral, national shadow. Our president — “president” — is the sick, beating heart of this whole thing, but he’s not alone in his fuckery, so nor should he be alone in his condemnation. We must condemn all his cronies, from Miller to Pence, and we must further condemn a dead-eyed, undignified, complicit Congress for — at best — idly standing by as he chews at the wires and support beams of this nation like a mad rat, and at worst, for helping him do all the things he does. Including, though certainly not limited to, separating migrant families at the border, and putting the children into a range of facilities, from prisons to cages to tent cities in the Texas heat. Fuck Trump, fuck the whole lot of them, and fuck the voters who helped vote for this foul stain upon our nation’s flag, credo, and fabric.

It’s hard not being angry all the time. And it’s weird being a writer or person of entertainment at this period because you mostly just wanna kick things and spit and thrash around, and yet we still have to form cogent sentences and sometimes use those cogent sentences to entertain, enlighten, and advertise.

So, we do what we can.

My best is that I can help you escape, from time to time, with the *waves magic wand* the mysteeeerious wooooorlds of fiiiiction, and so again I gently nudge you toward the fact that Zer0es is still like, $1.99 right now — or, if you’re looking for something different, people ask where to start with my fiction, well, I did a post that helps you figure exactly that.

In the meantime, I give you again some shiny-pretty-macro-and-non-macro photos. If only to give myself, and you, a moment’s solace in this time of unbridled fuckery.

(The first photo, by the way, is of a true rara avis, the scarlet tanager — a somewhat reclusive bird that’s also really beautiful, and hard to capture. Been trying to get a good shot of this one for weeks now with the new 100-400 lens. This one isn’t a great photo, but it’s serviceable, and I’m just happy to have gotten it. Also, the second photo — of a bee-like hover-fly — is a photo of what I think margined calligrapheris called a “.” What a fucking cool name for a bug. For anything! Find joy where you can folks. My other photos are over at Flickr.)

Random AMA, Ask Me Anything, Today

I’m kinda hovering around a couple different projects, so today, let’s devote it toward an AMA, aka, Ask Me Anything. Way this works is, you pop into the comments below, drop a question, and this afternoon I’ll go ahead and try to answer as many as I can. Note that jerky questions will be left unanswered, or worse, plunged into the Spam Oubliette where they will be left, screaming silently and pawing at the quivering pink walls of obscurity and oblivion.

That’s it. Easy-peasy play-Parcheesi.

Ask and ye shall receive answers. Probably. Maybe.