I WENT TO THE MOVIE THEATER AND I SAW MAN OF STEEL AND THE MOVIE WAS VERY FUCKING LOUD. IT WAS, YOU MIGHT EVEN SAY, “SUPER” LOUD. HA HA HA OW.
I FEEL LIKE I JUST SPENT TWO AND A HALF HOURS LETTING SOME DUDE YELL IN MY EARS AND PUNCH ME IN THE SIDE OF THE HEAD
DID A GRENADE JUST GO OFF
MY EARS ARE RINGING
I HAVE PTSD NOW
NEXT TO ME SAT A LITTLE GIRL — THIS IS A TRUE STORY, I AM NOT MAKING THIS UP — MAYBE EIGHT MAYBE NINE YEARS OLD AND THE WHOLE TIME SHE SAT THERE WITH HER FINGERS IN HER EARS. FOR OVER TWO HOURS. FINGERS! IN EARS! OCCASIONALLY SHE’D MAKE THIS SOUND LIKE SHE WANTED TO CRY? I’M NOT KIDDING THIS ACTUALLY HAPPENED.
THEN ON THE WAY OUT OF THE THEATER THIS FAMILY OF FOUR — DUDE, WIFE, ONE BOY, ONE GIRL — WERE WALKING NEXT TO ME AND THE DAD WAS TALKING ABOUT HOW HE THOUGHT THE MOVIE WAS JUST OKAY AND STUFF AND THE LITTLE GIRL SAID: “WHAT? I CAN’T HEAR YOU MY EARS ARE RINGING.” AND THE WIFE SAID: “THAT MOVIE WAS TOO LOUD IT WAS JUST NOISE AND FIRE.” AND I AGREED AND SAID YEAH, YEAH, TOO LOUD, AND THE HUSBAND SAID, “WE JUST DROPPED SIXTY BUCKS ON TICKETS TO WHAT FELT LIKE A METALLICA SHOW.” AND THE WIFE SAID: “I’M NOT DOING THIS AGAIN.”
I HAD EARPLUGS IN
I WANT YOU TO KNOW THAT
I PUT EARPLUGS IN MY FUCKING EARS BEFORE I WENT BECAUSE I ALREADY KNOW THAT YOUR MOVIES ARE TOO GODDAMN LOUD AND STILL — STILL! — MY EARS ARE RINGING. THEY’RE MAKING THIS EEEEEEEEEE NOISE LIKE AFTER I’D GO SHOOTING RIFLES WITH MY DAD AND HE WOULDN’T LET ME WEAR EARMUFFS
TOO LOUD
CAPS LOCK
IT’S LIKE TWO AND A HALF HOURS OF CAPS LOCK
FUCK YOU MOVIE THEATERS AND I KNOW IT’S NOT EVEN ENTIRELY YOUR FAULT BECAUSE THE STUDIOS SET YOUR MOVIES AT A CERTAIN VOLUME LEVEL AND YOU’RE NOT SUPPOSED TO FIDDLE WITH THAT SHIT BUT I DON’T CARE IT’S ON YOU ASSHOLES BECAUSE SOMEWHERE I’M SURE YOU HAVE A VOLUME KNOB HIDDEN BEHIND A GLASS BOX THAT YOU’RE ALLOWED TO BREAK IN AN EMERGENCY
WELL IT’S AN EMERGENCY
MY EARS ARE SQUIRTING BLOOD LIKE I’M A LAWN SPRINKLER
LOUD
LOUD
AAAAAAAA
CAPS LOCK ALL THE TIME IS IRRITATING ISN’T IT
TRY GOING TO MOVIE WHERE EVEN THE DIALOGUE SOUNDS LIKE SOMEONE HITTING YOU IN THE EARDRUM WITH A SLEDGEHAMMER
I’M DONE WITH YOU MOVIE THEATERS
DONE GAME OVER POOP NOISE
I HAVE A VERY NICE TELEVISION SET AND SURROUND SOUND
AND I HAVE A REMOTE CONTROL WITH A FUCKING VOLUME KNOB
AND I’M GOING TO USE IT SO I CAN SAVE MY HEARING
ASSHOLES
* * *
Postscript:
A brief Man of Steel review:
MORE LIKE MEH OF STEEL AMIRITE?
Ahem.
I mean, it was fine? I thought I’d hate it. But it was, y’know, okay?
Liked Cavill as Superman. Liked Amy Adams as Lois Lane. Really liked both, actually.
The Krypton prologue is assy because they basically retell the exact same story later in the movie when Superman finds the not-named-Fortress-of-Solitude and they retell it much faster and much cooler. Then the third act is basically an assault on the senses (I assume the script just reads BOOM KSSSHHH CITY CRAAAAASH PUNCH THROUGH BUILDING PUNCH THROUGH BUILDING PUNCH THROUGH BUILDING KAPOOOOOM RUN RUN EEEEEAAAH PUNCH THROUGH SKY PUNCH THROUGH SKY BADOOOOOM all in messy crayon).
They do the hard part, though, of making Superman a likable guy — a protagonist who feels very human despite all of it. Which is a shame that the rest of the movie kind of falls down into either a) boring origin story or b) noisy consequence-less apocalypse fight because it would’ve been rad to get more of, well, Superman’s character in there.
And that’s what it’s really missing. It’s missing that sense of character. It’s missing fun! The movie isn’t any fun. I’m okay with Batman not being a whole lot of fun (though even the Joker brings a kind of sociopathic circus tent with him), but Superman — I feel like it’s a dire shame to miss out on the fun and games portion of that story. Like, when he learns to fly, that’s what you get. That’s the most fun the movie ever gets. And then it’s all steely dire gray boom.
All of it is an origin story.
And origin stories are fundamentally flawed. Ninety percent of them are a waste of time.
So: meh.
And also:
TOO FUCKING LOUD
the end.
Christopher Wright says:
I guess I’m a member of the extreme minority who actually like origin stories. I think they’re fun.
Or maybe I’m a member of the majority who likes origin stories, but I’m a member of the extreme minority who is actually willing to admit it because the slightly larger minority of people who hate origin stories are loud and unrelenting about it? Yes, I like that spin. That will be my spin from here on out.
June 16, 2013 — 4:19 PM
terribleminds says:
How many times do you need to know how Superman becomes Superman?
June 16, 2013 — 5:58 PM
Christopher Wright says:
How many times do I want to rewatch Star Wars? How many times do I want to read stories based on the Hero’s Journey? How many times do I want to go to the theatre to watch Romeo and Juliet? Or Hamlet? Or The King and I?
June 16, 2013 — 7:07 PM
maidrya says:
More than once if it’s interesting and I thought this movie’s origin story had an insightful, humanizing take on the character as well as an interesting world/myth background that added some heft to the basic comic book stories (to the extent I remember them and I was only a casual comic book reader, plus it’s been a while…)
I absolutely agree, less loud but weirdly humdrum final showdown (that kept going & going & going) and more Act II Superman, seeing his character. In particular, I thought the part of how he was discovered/introduced to the American public was underwritten. We get, what, 1 or 2 scenes – he’s interrogated by the army – and then off he goes to offer himself up as a trade? There was a lot of potential drama that was completely bypassed – how the public and various powers that be would react and how Superman/Man of Steel reacts to their reactions, etc.
Also, yes, it’s missing fun. Christopher Nolan doesn’t really do fun.
June 17, 2013 — 12:03 AM
Laura says:
I love origin stories (and am utterly unashamed to admit it), but then I’m a historian so the two tend to go hand-in-hand.
June 16, 2013 — 7:07 PM
Gina X. Grant says:
THIS IS COMPENSATE… Oh, sorry. This is to compensate for the fact the people are unable to differentiate between their living rooms and a movie theatre and proceed TO TALK throughout the entire movie. /rant
June 16, 2013 — 4:19 PM
Mich says:
You’ve just recapped (CAPS, HEH) my experience 2 weeks ago at the IMAX 3-D experience of Star Trek Into Darkness. The headache has finally faded. Jesus.
June 16, 2013 — 4:22 PM
rebeccadouglass says:
I feel that way about ordinary movies. Too loud. Things move too fast. Fast cuts from one scene to another leave me with a migraine.
I haven’t been to a movie theatre in years.
June 16, 2013 — 4:23 PM
Paul Anthony Shortt says:
My father-in-law said the same thing about the sound. Weird to hear the same problem from America and Ireland.
June 16, 2013 — 4:26 PM
Adrian Smith says:
I haven’t seen MoS yet but i had the same problem with Star Trek: Into Darkness … Too Damn LOUD!
June 16, 2013 — 4:33 PM
Anna Lewis says:
Comic-book junkie husband is out of town this weekend so I haven’t seen Superman yet, but Iron Man 3 was stupid loud too (as well as the big run-up marathon of other Iron Man movies we saw before it that day). And now when you buy movies the ambient volume on the DVDs are all cocked up too. Newsflash, Hollywood: not everybody has triple-premium HD movie theaters in their homes and some of us wouldn’t have one even if we could afford it. AND DOES EVERYTHING HAVE TO BE 3D, FOR THE LOVE OF MIKE?? That crap gives me a headache every single time.
Hey you kids! Get offa my lawn!!
June 16, 2013 — 4:34 PM
Gareth Skarka says:
I can’t bring myself to see it, after I read Mark Waid’s review and heard about what they have Superman do at the climax of the story.
Nope. Never. Not on my watch.
June 16, 2013 — 4:38 PM
terribleminds says:
Yeah, that part is disconcerting. And I say that without having any deep adoration for Superman.
June 16, 2013 — 5:58 PM
Angie says:
Holy crap, I almost got up and left at that point. Really. Not only should Superman NOT have done such a thing…but even if it WAS in his character, it was such a bogus, anticlimactic ending to a three hour battle scene.
What? The battle scene didn’t last three hours? Sure felt like it. :-/
June 16, 2013 — 7:09 PM
Ruth Dupre says:
Gah. I have tinnitus already. I don’t need any more ringing in my ears. I’ve had to tear up napkins and shove them in my earholes for years– and if this is even louder than the usual loud? Forget it.
June 16, 2013 — 4:44 PM
Axl T says:
Should have checked out This is The End instead. That mofo is funny as all get-out…
June 16, 2013 — 5:01 PM
KimberlyPen-L says:
Hear, hear!, Chuck!
Hey, can you send out a petition we can all sign?
June 16, 2013 — 5:11 PM
Erica says:
I’d guess that the studio executives think that the only way they can lure people back into theaters is to make the experience even more “extreme” than what they can now experience at home. It doesn’t occur to them that many people watch movies at home because all the “extreme” stuff causes us physical pain.
June 16, 2013 — 5:20 PM
Lala says:
I can’t stand seeing action movies in theaters anymore, especially in IMAX. Yeah, they look awesome, but it’s just not worth it. Not even home movies are safe, though. Recently, pretty much every recent dramatic movie that I’ve seen has done this weird thing where whenever literally anything happens, there’s this horrible rumbling noise that shakes my furniture. And I know it’s not just something with my speakers, because it happens in the theaters too. Whatever happened to just having powerful silent moments? Why does every single second have to have some type of sound in it?
June 16, 2013 — 5:29 PM
Susan says:
wow, I usually bring earplugs, because the IMAX theaters in particular have a problem with volume IMHO. But that sounds painful.
My red flags went up on this movie because it had producers associated with Nolan’s Batman; regardless of how that moody, dark style worked over there, it is a mismatch for superman. Christopher Reeve worked great in his films in part due to the time – we were more open to happy cheese back then – but also because Superman is a hopeful, innocent character. a guy who falls in love. Maybe that was better suited to the 80’s than today.
June 16, 2013 — 5:31 PM
Nana Prah says:
Sorry it was too loud in the theatre, but your post provided me with a whole lot of laughter. I’m still laughing. Caps lock!
June 16, 2013 — 5:50 PM
Karoline Kingley says:
Haha! This cracked me up! Although I have had a similar experience and I just went and asked them to turn it down… 😉
June 16, 2013 — 5:58 PM
Tammy says:
Silence is golden. That’s my motto.
June 16, 2013 — 6:03 PM
Donna G Omo says:
A-freakin’-MEN!
June 16, 2013 — 6:10 PM
Laurie Evans says:
This is why we don’t go to the movies anymore. TOO LOUD. That, and it costs eleventy-billion dollars for two people to buy tickets and a popcorn. We have a nice, big TV at home. And also, I can pause it to go pee when I want.
June 16, 2013 — 6:14 PM
Adam says:
I had this exact same experience and would have blogged about it myself if you hadn’t beaten me to it. Did we see it at the same time in the same theater?
Where do you live?
Be specific.
June 16, 2013 — 6:22 PM
Paris Love says:
This is awesome! I love the all caps, made me plug my ears while reading.
June 16, 2013 — 6:24 PM
Will Belacqua says:
I think the real problem with volume with movies is that they go from SUPER MEGA LOUD CRASH FIRE AND BRIMSTONE YELLING AND SCREAMING DOOOOOOOOOOOM to super soft dialogue. Even when I’m at home watching a movie, I have to constantly adjust the volume so that I can hear the characters, then make sure to turn it down before the next explosion destroys my eardrums.
June 16, 2013 — 6:30 PM
LillianC says:
Hell yes. Too loud.
Let me confess I went to see the movie because A) my fourteen year old son really loves superhero movies and B) I like eye candy (Henry Cavill with all that muscle) and explosions. So I went into it with no particular expectations.
What really made me happy, from a storytelling standpoint, was the better dramatic mileage gained from what happens to Mr. Kent. Allso, General Zod made it clear that he is what he is because of the eugenics program and he will damn well go on doing what he was created to do. That didn’t really make him sympathetic, but it did round him out as a three-dimensional character. Donner’s Zod was your typical vengeful megalomaniac.
June 16, 2013 — 6:48 PM
pamelacreese says:
AMEN
June 16, 2013 — 7:09 PM
Daniel Nevarez says:
I worked as a projectionist at a movie theater while I was in high school. We had a volume control and would adjust it if someone complained. I don’t know if we really weren’t supposed to but we did it anyways, customer’s first right?
June 16, 2013 — 7:30 PM
Kathleen S. Allen says:
I agree. My movie theater was okay volume-wise but the story was boring, boring, boring. I hate to compare movies-okay, no I don’t–but The Avengers was so much better.
June 16, 2013 — 7:49 PM
pk says:
Hah, I just saw the same movie and thought the same thing. You didn’t watch this near Boulder, did you?
June 16, 2013 — 8:20 PM
Lauren Roland says:
I literally just got back from that movie and sat down at home to my laptop. I guess I didn’t feel like it was too loud because it was an action movie. Maybe the sheer number of people in the theater muffled the explosions? (Although I went and saw Star Trek, and me and my friend were the only two people in the theater, and it still wasn’t loud.)
The only thing that bothered me was the shaky camera. IS IT THAT HARD TO FIND A STEADY CAMERAMAN? THERE ARE RAILS FOR THIS SORT OF THING, YO! It really gave me a headache, and I almost got sick halfway through because of all the shakiness. I don’t need to get seasick during a film in a crowded theater when I’m sitting in the middle of a million people. Not. Cool.
The only *real* Superman movie I’ve seen (that I remember) was Superman Returns. I HAVE seen the original (is it the original?) ’70s Superman, but that’s it. I went and saw this mainly because my father wanted to for Father’s Day, and hey, free movie, yo (I have connections at the theater).
But now that I’m out…I think the headache’s catching up o.o I’m going to go find some ice. (And as for the story part… There were a ton of people in the theater, mostly middle-aged guys, who were literally on the edge of their seats during the third act. I really liked the story, although maybe the commentary my sister & I kept whispering to each other helped out a lot….)
June 16, 2013 — 8:23 PM
Todd Moody says:
Must be your theater, because the sound was a non-issue at ours. Didn’t even notice it, which means it must have been just right.
I heard a bunch of bad reviews so I went in expecting to hate it and actually liked it. They made Krypton actually kinda creepy cool, and made Zed, as much of an a$$ as he is, at least consistent and understandable.
I was actually waiting to see how many people got killed in the fallout of them bashing through walls constantly. I kept expecting him to at least think about getting them out of the city to cut down on collateral damage. Who has time for that?
I liked it. It wasn’t awesome. It has potential to be awesome now that they got all that origin crap out of the way. They need to hire a good writer. Anyone know any good writers? };-)
June 16, 2013 — 9:34 PM
Todd Moody says:
BTW I haveta say the Costner moment with the tornado… awesome.
June 16, 2013 — 9:36 PM
terribleminds says:
I lot of the flashback stuff was actually really great.
The Costner scene early on (in all the trailers) where he says, despite everything, “I am your father,” had me tear up a little.
I’d have taken a whole movie of the flashback stuff, much as I hate origin stories.
— c.
June 16, 2013 — 9:40 PM
Peter Hentges says:
Yep, that little scene really set up the depth of Superman’s character. I wanted more anonymous Clark doing super-stuff to help people and figure himself out. That’s a story we haven’t seen before.
June 17, 2013 — 1:46 PM
Linds says:
Gods the noise. I’ve recently started bringing earplugs to any action movie I see in theaters because it’s frankly gotten ridiculous.
I was disappointed with the film–mostly because the full length trailer tricked me into thinking it could actually be good–and I agree it was very meh on multiple levels (although there were a few nice moments). I tried to warn my brother, but alas he was already in the theater and thought much the same after he got out.
The sound was ridiculous though, and its never quite the same movie to movie. Same theater: alright for Iron Man 3, parts of Star Trek were iffy (ie explosions), most of Man of Steel as bad.
I’ve just resolved for earplugs to be my new fashion accessory for movies.
June 16, 2013 — 9:51 PM
Betsy says:
Has anyone tried asking the theater to turn down the volume? Just wondering. I don’t go to the movies very often.
June 16, 2013 — 10:31 PM
Mozette says:
The last time I went to the movies was …. um…. 2011. Yeah, I saw ‘Salt’ and ‘The A-Team’… both movies were great and I loved them. But I also walked out of those theatres with a massive headache. I’ve found that movie cinema volumes have become louder and louder… and my headaches have become worse after each 2+ hour session.
So, my solution? I just don’t go to the movies anymore. I have purchased a great Sony DVD player with surround sound system and a wonderful flatscreen Panasonic television and built a brilliant collection of dvds and I enjoy my own movie marathons, movie weekends and fun without deafening myself or giving myself any headaches.
I’m with you Chuck… movie cinemas are far too loud now… it’s better stay home and enjoy movies the way you want to; with your hearing still intact. 🙂
June 17, 2013 — 3:06 AM
Renato G (@tattoo_hunter) says:
Damn, Boss. For a minute I thought this was a blog entry from Scriptwriter Hulk. In badassdigest.com
I REALLY did not like seing Superman doing what he does at the climax. And I dont like him at all but I dont like the fact that he does it. It goes against all he means as a symbol.
June 17, 2013 — 3:21 AM
guyhaley says:
Too damn loud, they’re all too damn loud. I thought I’d appreciate them turning up the volume as I got older and (supposedly) deafer. But age has not yet wearied my ears, no. But I tell you what will make me deaf – OVERLY LOUD CINEMAS (whatever you call them, they’re too damn loud). Saw the first Star Trek reboot several years ago. Motorhead gigs are quieter. Not been back many times since.
June 17, 2013 — 4:21 AM
decayingorbits says:
Man of Steel is proof positive (as if we needed even more proof) that Hollywood is filled with unimaginative assclowns who have no imagination and would rather get into a dick size contest about who can do a better remake of the movie that has already been made (Several times. Not to mention TV).
Ugh.
June 17, 2013 — 6:13 AM
38caliberreviews says:
My ears are ringing from just reading this.
June 17, 2013 — 8:54 AM
shay says:
Don’t know about down in the states, but here in Canada there is supposed to be hearing protection provided at worksites where the volume level exceeds 85 DB in volume. This includes to all visitors to a site….seems to me as the public, being guests on their worksites (aka the THEATRES of ear splitting doom) we should be calling OH&S (OSHA in the States) and DEMANDING that they turn it down, supply hearing protection, or be fined.
Once your hearing is damaged you don’t ever get it back. Time for the theaters and the film industry to realize there is loud and then there’s so freaking loud because we’re trying to hide how sucky our movie is
June 17, 2013 — 9:22 AM
louisesor says:
Didn’t see Man of Steel. Will wait for it on tv where there’s a volume control. We don’t go to many movies anymore, because 1) the popcorn and drinks are overpriced, and 2) the volume of the sound is too LOUD.
When we do go to the occasional movie, we bring and wear ear plugs.
I think the high volume is aimed at people who have damaged their hearing with loud concerts and volume too high on their ear buds.
So there is a reason for it; children are more apt to notice it than adults. It’s very sad to hear of kids’ hearing being damaged like that and the adults don’t even know it. Soon enough the children won’t notice either.
June 17, 2013 — 12:04 PM
Squishy says:
Part of why I don’t go to the theater anymore. I just watched Superman Returns on TV last night, and had to alternate turning the volume UP for dialogue and DOWN so the music/explosions didn’t wake my neighbors. Between the massively-loud wall screens and Kinect 2.0 always watching you… it’s really beginning to feel like 1984, isn’t it?
June 17, 2013 — 1:34 PM
AmberR says:
I used to work at a movie theater, and the one I worked at, if multiple people complained that the sound really was too loud, and I mean, obviously, the sound was too loud, then they would turn it down. I’ve actually had to do that recently, ask them to turn down the volume, because we could hear the movie from next door in our theater. Over our movie. So, they CAN do it.
June 17, 2013 — 2:05 PM
Marie A says:
Agreed. Movie industry is determined to shoot itself in the foot. Make that both feet and an accidental discharge grazing the buttocks.
June 17, 2013 — 2:55 PM
Kat N says:
As a long time Superman hater, I thought the movie was incredibly well done. It was a nice change of pace from the campy, “Durhur, I’m a god, but I’m still this super nice guy” routine. That said, the actions scenes were a bit over the top and they overscored it.
As for the too loud thing, I feel that way about pretty much all movie theater experiences. The older I get, the less I like watching movies in public.
June 17, 2013 — 5:59 PM
Lari says:
I did not find it loud. But I watched it in the drive in. And I turned that mother fucker DOWN.
June 17, 2013 — 10:14 PM
bex says:
You forgot to mention the section in the script that drops IHop product placement about nine times in any given fight scene.
June 19, 2013 — 9:52 PM
JCHendersonCa says:
I hated the third act, the fighting was just ridiculous and most of it, totally unnecessary. Somewhere out there Christopher Nolan is facepalm-ing, shaking his head in shame he didn’t keep Snyder in check a little more.
June 20, 2013 — 4:40 AM
azraeana says:
My geek experience was ruined when I went to Man of Steel. A chick right behind me and her boyfriend decided to talk the ENTIRE movie. He would explain stuff that hadn’t even happened yet and she would yell at the movie like Clark was just going to turn around and say, “why thanks for that motivational cheer chick in the third row.”
Finally a geeky guy next to me, ten minutes before the end of the movie, decided to turn around and tell her to shut the hell up. Exactly like that too. He told her she can save the talk for afterwards and to shut her damn mouth.
You can imagine how this played out. End of the movie…lights on…the chatty cathy slaps the geek’s girlfriend in the face and runs and her boyfriend and the geek start brawling in the MIDDLE OF THE THEATER. Anywho that’s why I am suffering from PTSD, I wish the volume in the theater was louder to drown out the chatter. What I could hear of the movie I enjoyed and while I didn’t walk in there as a Superman fan, I did walk out with a little more interest in the character than before.
June 20, 2013 — 9:20 AM
Jennifer says:
don’t know if your local theatre does this, but here we have “stars and strollers” movie matinees for families. the volume is lowered and some other concessions are made for small ones. trade off is a theatre full of children. try taking the wee one to see a show.
June 20, 2013 — 6:23 PM