Apple-Obsessed Author Fella

I’m All Up In Your Grill

The other night, I was cooking something on the stove. I don’t remember what, honestly. And suddenly, beneath the pan, I heard a loud snap. Like a .22 round going off. I investigated, saw nothing, kept on cooking. Night after that, my wife — who is actually aware of things, unlike me, who stumbles blindly through life staring through Vaseline-smeared goggles — noted that, hey, look, there’s a crack in the ceramic glass top of the range. The crack, in fact, had spread wildly, like a vein of aggressive chlamydia.

Advice found online was very clear: “Uhh, stop cooking on that, moron. It could shatter further. It could explode. Might electrocute you. Or maybe it’ll break open and gremlins will spill out.”

I, of course, kept on cooking. Hey, fuck it, dinner wasn’t done yet.

The option exists to replace the glass-top, but it’s an older, cheaper range that came with the house and it doesn’t match the fridge (this apparently matters), and so it is time to replace the hot-box.

You may think I’m soliciting advice on ranges. I am not. I mean, if you care to share, fine, but it’s possible I will have ordered something by now. Further, while I appreciate the calls for “What you need is a gas range,” I have to buy an electric so, y’know, sorry? I apologize if my choice in range disturbs or disappoints. Anyway, what I need are:


Now, to be clear, I can grill the expected grill-based products with the best of them. Steak, burgers, chops, what-have-you. I mean, shit, it’s not hard. “Put meat on hot thing until no longer raw.” Done!

No, what I’m saying is, I know that you can make all kinds of stuff on a grill that you wouldn’t normally think. Pizza. Desserts. Dishes fancier than, “CHAR FLESH UNTIL SATISFIED.”

So: what do you make on your grill that goes beyond the norm?

Share, if you please. Because I’m going to be cooking on the grill for the next week(s) to come. Any grill recipes, grill tricks, grill stunts, whatever you got, send it my way. For all to see.

And in advance: my thanks.

(If you need to know the grill I’ve got: Weber propane.)