The Crushing Disappointment That Sexy Blue Goat People Are Not Real

I’ve had a number of requests — in person, over email, over Twitter — where people want to hear my thoughts on the Post-Avatar Depression Syndrome (PADS, this week’s second unfortunate instance of that word, “pad”). Why do people want that? Can’t say. I suspect it’s because I am the Overlord of Pop Culture. I sit on a throne made from the discarded packaging of Star Wars figures which in turn sits on a dais made of skinned cartoon characters. Sometimes I pull the pelt of Yogi Bear tight around... Read The Rest →

Morning After: I’m Back From Sundance, Emmereffers

Blink, blink. *smells the air* Did something die in here? Why did someone leave a double-headed dildo in the sink? It’s…covered in… marzipan and cake batter? *licks it* Yes, yes. Marzipan and cake batter. That’s definitely it. Is that… Is that blood on the curtains? Goddamn. You leave this place behind for a week, and a handful of deviant hooligans just run a train on it. It looks like Snuff Film In Wonderland around here. A gently listing hamster wheel in the corner (sans hamster, a mystery I do not... Read The Rest →

Avatar Porn Will Destroy Us All

Theory: we know that a property has entered the pop culture consciousness when pornography is made in its image. Examples: Pulp Friction, Forrest Hump, Saving Ryan’s Privates, Shaving Ryan’s Privates, and so on. You don’t find this to be the case with films that fail to connect with audiences. The Hurt Locker is a critical darling, but failed to make money with audiences (a big fat super shame), so we’re unlikely to see The Squirt Locker, or The Spurt Stocker or The Skirt Focker. Further, we’re unlikely to see The... Read The Rest →

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