With One Week To Go, Here’s My Prediction Of What Happens On Election Day

We are at the hinge point — the door is opening, or the door is closing. We are seven days away from Election Day, and millions of people have already voted. The Senate is up for grabs. The presidency is up for grabs. Our current president thinks women’s body parts are up for grabs. It’s a lot. So, I figured, why not offer my thoughts? Why not dig into the polls, do some nitty-gritty, examine the possible outcomes, and lay out what I think will be the likeliest course of action on that day.


Here it is:



I am a wildly vacillating ping-pong ball in a table tennis game played by angels and devils — my heart goes from table side to table side, from WANTON FOOLISH OPTIMISM to GUT-CHURNING SOUL-CRUSHING PESSIMISM, with little chance to settle on either. My hope is Schroedinger’s Cat in the goddamn box: it is dead and alive at the same time, its fate unknown until the box is finally opened and the cat is revealed. I have literally no idea what is to come. How could you? This is 2020. This is the year of CHAOS INCARNATE. Come Wednesday we might’ve elected a hive of giant hornets to the highest office in the land, and honestly, it’d be an improvement on what we got.

I mean, in a logical year, I see how this goes, right? The polls are strong for Biden, stronger than they were for Clinton, and more stable across vital districts and states. None of the shit they’ve tried to stick to Biden has stuck, and Trump appears, from my window at least, to be flailing — and I don’t say that as a Triumphant Liberal, because generally liberals are the first to be like OH GOD MY CANDIDATE IS DROWNING IN THE ABYSS THE OTHER GUY IS GONNA WIN. There’s a stink around Trump that’s like what you get off a car-struck raccoon — a rotten, bloated odor. Doesn’t help that he’s incredibly unlikable, and has accomplished almost nothing in his four years. Certainly nothing good. Oh, rich people are getting richer, that’s nice, if you’re mega-rich. Otherwise, where’s his health care plan? Where’s his COVID plan? Where’s Infrastructure Week? Anything?

His priorities have been:

a) rich people

b) bigotry

c) judges

All in equal proportions.

Beyond that, he’s got nothing. He’s proposed no agenda for 2020, and the GOP’s agenda for 2020 is, “uhhh, what’d Trump say?” and round and round we go.

So, in a normal year, in a normal country, the writing is on the wall.

But this is America in 2020. The writing is centipedes. The wall is a glitching TV screen. There’s no stability. No sense to what’s going on. Part of that is intentional — it’s not that 2020 is some kind of CURSED YEAR (except it totally is), but that the Grand Ole Party has committed a violent psychological assault on our brains. They are hypocrites at every turn, they are liars, they question expertise, they lie, they turn their face from basic facts — the ground beneath us is unstable because they have committed to its instability. If we are unstable, they can get away with more bullshit. If we’re trying to catch a bunch of falling plates and cups from rattled cabinets, they can steal our money and jewels and pets while we flail. We’re constantly on the defense because they’re constantly on the offense. All we can do is block punches because it’s INFINITE PUNCHES.

Could Trump win? I didn’t think he could win the first time. Hell, one could argue that he didn’t — between losing the popular vote and a bevy of inference, it remains unclear how “legitimate” that election even was. Do I think it’s possible he’s built on his coalition from 2020? That he’s gained voters instead of lost them? It’s hard to envision, because I’ve seen anecdotally (local and nationwide) a number of Republicans who have bailed — they saw a “businessman,” wanted some change, and got nothing for the bet. He’s withered on the vine and spends his time just shit-barfing on Twitter all day, and meanwhile farms and factories and small businesses are kicked to the curb. So it’s really hard to imagine people getting onboard a hayride full of manure as it totters drunkenly toward a cliff.

But, it’s 2020. And white supremacy is a helluva drug.

Further, they’ve created a pipeline that pumps shit into people’s heads while convincing them it’s caviar. Fox and OANN are just a steady parade of lies, lies, lies, there to lube up King Dump and keep him slick and gooey. People have built for themselves not so much an echo chamber as a Jonestown enclave with all the “””definitely unpoisoned””” Flavor-Aid you require. I mean, you try to tell people “hey that’s not a true thing you just said” and they snap back with WELL DO YOUR OWN RESEARCH despite the fact they did literally no research at all except reading an e-mail from Old Uncle Dave who said that the Democrats are aborting babies in Brooklyn pizza ovens in order to appease the Demonic Socialist Treaties. “Someone on Facebook said that masks don’t work so I believe them unreservedly and that is my idea of ‘research,’ please and thank you. COVID is a hoax and it’ll disappear on November 4th like magic!”

So, in a normal time, he couldn’t win.

But this ain’t normal.

Could Biden win? I didn’t think he could back in the primaries. I was wrong. He’s run a far better campaign than I expected. He’s taken serious steps to actually bring onboard a diverse coalition of voices, and he actually did move in a more progressive direction in places it counts. He’s made it clear he’s the guy who embraces compassion and science and while normally I’d hope those would be obvious picks for campaign planks, it’s 2020 and we’ve got a president who jerks off to Q-Anon propaganda and who lacks basic competency in nearly everything. (God, I really wish for a journalist who would simply ask him to explain basic facts about our government. A journalist who plays dumb and who asks for his explanation, and then you watch him just stammer through some gibberish answer like an 8th grader who didn’t read the book he’s currently giving a report on.) So, Biden could win too. The numbers favor him. Sanity favors him. Basic humanity favors him.

But the Cursed Year 2020 may have other things in store.

And part of that is down to the fact that this binary outcome is by no means the only, or even likely outcome. We have far greater shenanigans that could occur, friendos. Biden could win, and Trump could contest it, and now that he’s got Supreme Court Justice Handmaid’s Tale in the seat, she could throw the election to him. Especially if Biden doesn’t win in a landslide, the kind that ends up decided on Election Night, even though no election is ever actually decided on election night. If we have anything approaching Bush V. Gore, they’ve packed the courts so hard with corrupt bastards, that fate is written. They’re glad to do the devil’s work on this one.

Then there’s all the extra fun add-ons — protest! General strike! Civil war! Shit, if I woke up on Wednesday and the news said, “Both presidential candidates were eaten by starving polar bears, which throws the election to Kanye West,” I’d be like, yeah, that tracks. Because I don’t know! I don’t know what’s happening! I don’t know what’s coming down the pike! It’s probably not going to be great. Shit’s on fire! We’re under the boots of a burgeoning theocratic kleptocracy, and even just saying those words makes me feel like I’ve lost my marbles. It sounds too extreme, too fearful — it can’t be that bad, right? Except the majority is ruled by a minority who is increasingly pushing religion over science, who urges white supremacy and misogyny over inclusion, who is continually working to undermine the vote rather than get the vote out, who is expecting grand overtures of gratitude for doing literally nothing except hurting people, who supports a president that routinely makes comments about being president for an extra four years, or eight, or for life, or demanding his children become president next, or, or, or. It’s seeing a house and saying, “Well, that house is clearly fine, it’s a house, it’s just standing there,” while simultaneously realizing the whole thing is riddled with termites and will fall down in a stiff breeze. It looks okay from the outside, but it’s rotten to the core.

I don’t know what happens! I have no prediction! Revolution! Coup! Evangelical pogroms! Trump eats babies while accusing Democrats of eating babies! Democrats treating all this as normal until they’re thrown into jail! Boogaloo-slash-Proud Boy TV network! Fire bees! Laser bears! Holes! Holes opening up underneath all of his, holes from whence goblins crawl, holes that stink of sulfur and moan and gibber! Aaaah! HAhahahaahAHAHA AAHHH WHAT THE FUCK IS HAPPENING WHAT THE SHIT IS GOING TO HAPPEN ARE WE GOING TO BE OKAY ARE WE NOT GOING TO BE OKAY JESUS EFFING CHRIST ON A CRAPWAGON THERE’S STILL THE PANDEMIC AND STILL THE RISING BOIL-TIDE OF CLIMATE CHANGE AND AAAAAAAH PLEASE MAKE THE SHITTY PRESIDENT SHUT UP AND GO AWAY I NEVER WANT TO HEAR HIM OR SEE HIM OR LAY EYES ON HIS MAGGOTY FUCKING TWEETS EVERY AGAIN AAAAAAAAEEHhhghghhhrrble


I got nothing.

What I got is this:

The one place I have some hope — some persistent, steady hope — is in each other. I’ve seen that in the last four years a lot, where people — a lot of people — come together and stand for one another, and who have stood up for what matters most, which is a democracy that benefits not only the few, not even the many, but a democracy that serves everyone. And I know that if the shit hits the fan, we can count on the people to get on some comfortable shoes and a jacket and hit the streets, particularly for those who can’t. And I think we need to be ready for that. To raise a ruckus. To cause that good trouble. To disobey non-violently and to choke the gears of the machine until it shudders and breaks. I hope it doesn’t come to that, but I know it could. Anything could happen now. This is the final run-up and the chaos will continue. The chaos will worsen. We must be there for each other and for our democracy, in the voting booths, on the streets, in the charities that need us, for everyone who is reaching out and will be hurt by four more years of this venomous, inept administration.

You’re not alone.

I’m not alone.

I have hope in you.

Also, the laser bears.

I have hope in laser bears.

Because, I mean, at this point, why the fuck not?


pyoo pyoo

*bear noises*

34 responses to “With One Week To Go, Here’s My Prediction Of What Happens On Election Day”

    • I live in the UK, where we are (not) being governed by a clown. We all thought there was something under the clown’s makeup, and it turns out that it was just another clown. We’ve got years of the idiot to go, unless the faction inside his own party that wants him to resign prevails. If it wasn’t for the USA’s spectacular failure to control Coronavirus, the UK would be grabbing all the headlines.

      Anyway, the point is – if Trump cheats to win, if he uses the Supreme Court to say he’s won, when he hasn’t, what are you going to do? What are YOU going to DO?

      • “We all thought there was something under the clown’s makeup”

        Really? You did? BJ has always shown exactly who he is. So I’m not at all surprised that that’s who we’ve now got.

  1. Christ, This is what I laid awake thinking all night. DO YOU HAVE ACCESS TO MY BRAIN? Well, better you than someone else. Now, I need to go because–as the Brits say when they’re moved to pieces by something they read–I think I’ve got something in my eye.

  2. I posted your Tweet about this on my FB page looking for Election Night coping methods from my friends. So far all I have is *checks notes* drinking booze and eating candy. Sorry, that’s it.

  3. So Biden wins (just writing that allowed my blood pressure to drop to the outer fringes of normal). I propose this drill if the orange stain (so hard to get out) won’t leave Pennsylvania Avenue: We all head to D.C. (and I mean you, too, Republicans. EVERY citizen of these United States has a stake in a working democracy) When get there, masks and all, we circle The People’s House. We all carry signs (with short messages that the boob inside can read). Mine will simply say “Get Out”. I will stand there holding it until he does.
    Anybody with me?

  4. I needed this laugh and ray of hope. I believe in the Blue Tsunami…but I also believe in voter suppression and out right rigging the machines (the company that makes them is a trumper…they don’t even need Russia at this point) that I still worry.

  5. A family member decided (after months of non-engagement) that she needed to comment on my political posts last week. This woman has two adult children who are immunocompromised. She has a stepson who is gay. Her husband is on disability. And she’s all MAGA 2020. She actually had the nerve to say, “It’s just an election.” How do you get someone to vote not just against their own self-interests, but against the literal lives of nearly all of her immediate family?

  6. Jesus H Christ. Anything, and everything you said, a pack of wolves could
    Eat them all up and sit in the Oval Office and we couldn’t be surprised. Thank you for pointing out where our faith should be, in each other. It almost ended your post in a calming manner hahahahaha snort

  7. Your political thoughts are the only ones I read on the internet nowadays.Maybe that’s limiting, but it is what it is. Your humor/outrage calms me down. I can’t always be listening to screaming metal to find my calm. I would lose my hearing.

  8. This was a strangely calming read, solely because what was going through my mind as I read it was, “Thank the universe that I’m not the only one who’s thinking this!!!” We just got back from a week’s vacation (socially distanced, natch) in the northern end of our state, and the Trump 2020 signs and flags and banners and the like were EVERYWHERE up there. Hell, my own brother is a Trumper, which absolutely breaks my heart (the rest of the family, including his own son, believe we need to have an intervention). I’ve given up trying to talk to him about anything political, same as I don’t bother trying to engage with the Trumpers on FB or Twitter, because I’m tired of smashing my head against a brick wall. I also know that a lot of the battleground states are gerrymandered up the wazoo, and nothing short of a blue tsunami is going to move the needle in those places. Right about now, I would vote for a moldy pile of cattle dung over the current administration, but Biden is actually a real human being with a real, working heart and a real, working brain, and I so, so, so want him to be elected cleanly, by a freaking landslide! But, as you say, this is 2020, and absolutely anything can (and probably will) happen between now and January 20th, 2021. [Sigh]

  9. Last night I had nightmares about being stuck in a Donald J.Trump Brand Re-Education Center(TM), Handmaid’s Tale style. Sign of our times.

  10. Comfortable shoes and jacket at the ready. I fought Act 10 in Wisconsin nine years ago – and that was COLD! And we lost. But I will always stand up for real people in the face of all the Stupid. If we got each other, we got this.

  11. Sadly, the orange monkey appeals to the uneducated minds who for years has heard, “they’re going to steal your jobs, your home, your schools,” and they believe that BS because that is the BS he keeps feeding them. He gave them permission to come out of their cage and act like a$$holes openly, because he does. They refuse to wear masks, because he does.

    How a moron that can barely speak at an 8th grade level became president, I’ll never understand. All I can do at this point is pray and pray hard.

  12. I live in the UK, where we are (not) being governed by a clown. We all thought there was something under the clown’s makeup, and it turns out that it was just another clown. We’ve got years of the idiot to go, unless the faction inside his own party that wants him to resign prevails. If it wasn’t for the USA’s spectacular failure to control Coronavirus, the UK would be grabbing all the headlines.

    Anyway, the point is – if Trump cheats to win, if he uses the Supreme Court to say he’s won, when he hasn’t, what are you going to do? What are YOU going to DO?

  13. Do you think that God sent Covid because America elected a sinner without redemption to be president? I mean, God is rather good at plagues. It seems to be one of his preferred ways of showing his disapproval.

  14. You’re an entertaining guy, Chuck, and I like ya books. As for politics we shift into neutral territory– you’re a sci fi word merchant, I’m a nerdy sci-oriented mouthpiece, neither of us poli-sci’s. From your rabid comments about the president I deduce that on only one thing can we possibly agree: when it comes to predicting Nov 3 we both got shit. We’ll just have to wait and see and hope for a definitive answer on, or, I hope, close to Election Day. Whatever happens, it’ll be great to get it over and done, especially after all the interminable BS and COVID curveballs of this 2020.

    But if the Trojan Horse wins I can tell you that I’m pushing all my deals to close before 2020 runs completely out because, bad as 2020 has been in many ways, if the Trojan takes over in 2021 –and god forbid there’s a blue tsunami and the Senate falls too– 2021 could easily be the beginning of the end of our economy, society and capitalism as we know it.

    As personally repugnant as he may be, Trump is the only viable alternative to the Trojan, who as his nickname implies is just an avatar for that bunch of scary misguided anti capitalists and Marxists who tug his puppet strings. When his Ritalin wears off by the end of January, Biden’s slobbering blather will make Trump’s third grade diction sound like Socratic oratory, but by then all will be lost and Kamala will.be pinching herself in the oval office asking what the eff do I do now?

    • hahahahahaha





      Wait you’re serious?

      You think Joe Biden — JOE BIDEN — is some kinda Socialist Avatar?


      I mean, that’s a rich, loamy sauce you’re cooking up.

    • “2021 could easily be the beginning of the end of our economy, society and capitalism as we know it”

      Threatening us with a good time will get you everywhere.

      “Kamala will.be pinching herself in the oval office asking what the eff do I do now”

      Don’t worry. Kamala will know exactly what to do the minute she needs to do it.

  15. I’m in the UK, and I’m scared to death for all of you in America. This whole year has felt like the End of the World, and I was deeply hoping a Biden blue wave would wash the orange poison out of the White House. But then I heard about Amy Conan the Barbarian Handmaid making it onto the Supreme Court (AGAINST the dying wishes of Ruth Bader-Ginsburg, and we all know why the Republicans did that.) Now even Biden winning ISN’T a guarantee that Trump will be exorcised? Looks like the UK will be bracing itself as well as the US then – especially while we have Toff Trump Wannabe BoJo blundering his way through ‘running’ our country. Stay strong and stay united, sane people of the USA!

    • “Now even Biden winning ISN’T a guarantee that Trump will be exorcised?”

      I don’t think there are any guarantees. The SC has already ruled that ballots mailed before but received after election day will not be counted in Wisconsin. No reason not to expand this ruling to other battleground states, or otherwise challenge results that don’t suit Trump.

      Which means that the GOP has every intention to steal every vote they can, the SCOTUS has the will and wherewithal to enable election rigging (even minus the latest Dominionist loon added to the bench), and the opposition has no recourse whatsoever.

      Should be fun.

    • Why are you attacking Amy Coney Barrett? She’s a brilliant judge, easily as smart as anyone else on the SCOTUS. Read her decisions on gun rights (Cantor v Barr), sexual assault and due process (Doe vs. Purdue, race discrimination (several cases), abortion (Planned Parenthood v Casey plus others), immigration (Cook County v Wolf; Yafai v Pompeo, others) & voting rights. Read her majority opinions AND her dissents, which in some cases but not all opposed the Trump and/or DOJ positions. Get ready to be impressed by Justice Barrett’s writing skills and crystal clear reasoning! My guess from reading your CW comments is that you would agree with Barrett on most, if not all, of her arguments.

      • Which opinion am I supposed to be impressed with? Supporting on-campus rape, allowing criminals to carry firearms, or undermining measures implemented to combat systemic racism?

  16. Is it any comfort at all to know that it’s not just you guys?
    So the Republicans “committed a violent psychological assault on our brains”, well the Tories are doing precisely the same thing here in the Dis-united Kingdom. They are ably assisted by the opposition Labour party so we have nobody to turn to and by the time we have another Election this country will make Mussolini’s Italy look like Paradise.
    This morning I decided to do NaNoWriMo again after a long writing hiatus. It’s not that I’ve got a great novel busting to get out of me. It’s the faint hope I can get so immersed in scribbling for 30 days that I won’t care about anything else.
    God Bless America and us too. We need Divine intervention like never before.

  17. I lived through the Vietnam and Nixon years. I thought those were scary times. That era was a fucking cakewalk compared to now. It was a lot easier to have hope back then, perhaps because I was younger. Nowadays, not so much. Of course, back in the day we didn’t have a global pandemic ravaging us, either.

    “Things they do look awful c-c-cold / I hope I die before I get old …” –“My Generation” by The Who

  18. I needed this. I’ll probably share it on the Book of the Face and piss off the trumpers that haven’t been blocked or deleted yet. My ballot has been received and it sure as all heck better be counted, but I live in Pennsylvania and have little faith in the process. I have hope, but the trust…well that shit flew out the window a long time ago.
    My newborn baby girl needs Biden to win. I cannot have her actually remember a time when the orange one is president. Laser Bears…I’m all for the laser bears. At least they’d be able to get Trump to physically get out of the White House.

Speak Your Mind, Word-Nerds

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

%d bloggers like this: