Macro Monday Is Now Zoom Lens Monday, To Hell With Your Laws

I got a new lens!

Er, for my camera, not like, some kind of cyborg shit for my eyeball. Thought that would be cool? Anyway. I’m talking about the Canon 100-400mm mk II (with IS!) zoom lens. Which lets me capture shots like that one above — a chipmunk, notoriously hard to capture because they’re basically tiny woodland ninjas, now easy to capture thanks to the lens. I intend to use it for birding, mostly, because I guess I turned into an old man? (The other day I spent a half-hour tracking a scarlet tanager through the woods. I saw it but failed to get off a snap, so that’s how I wasted my day.)

If you’d still rather macros —

Well, here is a picture of a jumping spider. It’s behind the cut because spider, but I really encourage you to look at it if only for those giant green fangs. Also here’s a mantis eating an ant — an ant I literally threw to the mantis and it caught because mantids are fucking rad —

And here’s an even more up-close-and-personal look at the ring-necked snake that lives by our cellar door — at a casual glance without the camera, the snake is a dull gray color. But with macro and flash, man, it’s like a Chromatic Dragon. Look at those blues! Really beautiful animal.



Whatever. Let’s see. What else is happening?

Well, the world is still falling to shit, so that’s great. Net neutrality is gone, Trump diarrheaed over all our allies while simultaneously fawning over Putin and giving a handjob to North Korea, so we’re in really great shape on the world stage and America totally hasn’t become a shitty-pantsed embarassment in a very short time, ha ha ha, oh good.

International House of Pancakes is now International House of Branding Fuckery, oh, I’m sorry, I mean, the B stands for Burgers, I guess?

Everything is deeply stupid, so read books, because they are a temporary escape from the pure liquid nonsense raining from the sky.

In that vein, I note that Zer0es is still $1.99 — for your Kindle, on B&N, on Kobo, even iBooks. Hackers plus surveillance plus body horror thriller.

Also, audio books for The Raptor & The Wren (Emily Beresford narrating, out July 3rd, preorder now) and Damn Fine Story are incoming (date: tba).

And I think that’s it for today.

Be good, humans, because our goodness is all we have.


  • I remember how excited I was to pick up a Raynox 250 for my Cannon SX60. I spent a lot of time scrutinizing the backyard and bushes. Love macro photography. I really wish a snake lived by my back door. Btw, also loved Zer0es.

  • Macro…er…Zoom Lens Mondays are my favorite way to start the week. Your pics, your commentary, your presence in the world; all are necessary and appreciated. Thank you!!!

  • I’m imagining you on an epic quest, tracking that elusive scarlet bastard through the woods. You’ve got the explorer hat, and the camera, and you’re peeking out from the trees and bushes, but every time the epic background music starts up, you scream at the orchestra to shut up because they’re scaring the birds.

    Gorgeous snaps. Love the spider.

  • I had to do a quick scroll past your snake friend photo. I live in a house that backs up to a forest preserve, and spend a lot of time convincing myself that NO SNAKES come anywhere near the basement door. #ophidiophobic

    I am endlessly fascinated by spiders, though, and love the way you captured this cute critter’s eyes!

    • Yeah, I was a bit surprised that the Spider of Cuteness was tucked away while the Purty Armoured Snake was right out there in public. But maybe I’ve been around more lethal snakes than lethal spiders, and that affects my judgement. Still ain’t dead tho, either way. (Life hack: move to New Zealand where practically nothing is lethal except the weather.)

  • Cool photos. I feed the mantids as well. They take wiggling house flies from my pinched fingers. You need nerves for that. My five year old picked up a big angry one the other day, it was displaying pissed off. I told her once to put it down but she didn’t wanna so i let it play out. It bit her. Just a nip, she’s fine.

    I wonder what that snake looks like with polarised lenses.

  • All great pictures. I have spent a lot of time trying to get a decent picture of a chipmunk, it is basically impossible without a zoom lens (unless, I guess, you are actually camping out and thus able to spend many immobile hours patiently waiting for the little stripey scampering bastard to sit still for a nanosecond).

    Wish I had a lovely little Chromatic Dragon by my back door. Have to settle for hummingbirds. 🙂

  • I propose chipmunks as Ewoks. They have seen Return of the Jedi. They are watching and waiting to take us down….

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