Yesterday I told a sordid tale of joggerly woe on Twitter, and the request came (to my great surprise) to Storify it for all to see. So, I have done exactly that.
Please to enjoy this TMI cautionary tale.
Apple-Obsessed Author Fella
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conniejjasperson says:
Oh, lord. I love you in the same way as I love my bad uncle we can’t introduce our guests to.
July 2, 2016 — 2:22 PM
Toni says:
hahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!
August 7, 2016 — 12:55 PM
Damian Trasler says:
Once again, “Like” is the wrong thing to have on this button. “Impressed by” or “Scarred me for life” might be more accurate.
July 2, 2016 — 2:23 PM
Pavowski says:
Every runner has this story, or maybe several stories just like it. Welcome to the club! (A dubious distinction, to be sure.)
July 2, 2016 — 2:44 PM
Chris Lites says:
If Snoobug was a mysterious cat, you’d have a Murakami biography with poo on it. If you’d had such a thing, you could have shat into the well.
July 2, 2016 — 2:51 PM
Dawn Pier says:
Yup, runners and surfers. Nothing like a serious butt-first wipe-out to induce the crab walk up a desolate riverbed.
July 2, 2016 — 2:53 PM
Ivy says:
Yeah, this is actually commonplace for marathon runners (NB: I am not a champeen marathon runner, I just happen to know some).
This (as you well know) is also commonplace for dogs. Dog’s internal monologue probably sounded like: you right? You shit here, k? What, you no shit on side of road with dog? But dog knows nice neighbour lawn for shitting. Hooman silly. Dog smell one in hooman departure lounge. Hooman! Y u no walkies shit?
July 2, 2016 — 3:41 PM
janinmi says:
One of a few reasons I no longer run because health issues. I learned during a hospital stay that peristalsis encourages gut reaction. Suggestion: take some tissues (or wet wipes in a zippy bag) and a plastic bag on all future runs. Works just like a doggie poop bag, but with human hygiene in mind.
July 2, 2016 — 4:37 PM
M T McGuire says:
My brother runs marathons. They provide lots of loos on marathons but I remember him once explaining to me that running makes you pooh and he used to factor in 20 minutes to have a dump at some point, half way round.
‘Doesn’t that impact on your time?’ I asked.
‘Yes’.
‘So what about the professionals?’ I asked him. ‘Are you telling me they do it in 2 and a half hours with twenty minutes of crapping time factored in?’
‘No,’ he said. ‘Have you ever seen a world class, professional marathon runner filmed from behind during a race?’
I think about it.
‘Hmm, now you say it, no, not often and only at the start.’
‘Yeh,’ he said, ‘there’s a very good reason for that.’
‘You mean?’
‘Yes. Brown shorts.’
I’d like to be able to tell you I made that conversation up, but I can’t.
Cheers
MTM
July 2, 2016 — 5:27 PM
ramblingwords57 says:
This was wonderful. It is also a situation that I am all too familiar with but NOT running related. I am so glad that you made it and that you did not humiliate the dog when you all were out in public. Dogs are very sensitive to this type of thing.
July 2, 2016 — 6:06 PM
Natalie Maddalena says:
I have seen pictures of marathons runners who have obviously not wanted to affect their race time by stopping somewhere… brown oozing through the shorts. I guess I do not have what it takes to be a professional athlete.
July 2, 2016 — 7:53 PM
M T McGuire says:
Mwahahahaaaaargh! Yeh, running, not a sport for those of us with I.b.s.
July 3, 2016 — 9:02 AM
Andrea Stanet says:
I’ve had similar situations enough times that I either clear the cache before I leave, or if I can’t, I try to run close to bathrooms or porta-potties. I’ve become a little paranoid about it, actually. I can totally feel your pain. Glad you made it in time!
July 3, 2016 — 8:10 AM
decayingorbits says:
This has happened to me a few times. I have chosen the bear-in-the-woods option, and generally found that the displeasure of not being able to wipe is a minor inconvenience compared to how awesome it feels to not feel like you are going to have a poo geyser in your shorts.
July 3, 2016 — 11:25 AM
Catkins says:
Yes yes. I am familiar with the running runs (as I like to call them). I think it’s the bouncing up and down. It shakes everything loose. My advice is to poop before you scoot.
July 4, 2016 — 11:33 AM
Laura J. Quinn says:
That was… a revelation.
Also, even though I did not see these tweets before, I did for some reason have a dream where I met you, and of course it was super awkward because HAH WHAT DOES ONE SAY, so we started discussing the myriad ways one can describe poop (this dream has been rated R for strong language).
So. Yeah. . .
July 5, 2016 — 6:13 AM
Hamnerd says:
This is common for runners it happens a lot during marathons. You literally see runners shitting on the side of the road. Female runners often piss their pants. Many of us women runners wear diapers during long runs.
I was going to recommend you wearing a diaper but who wants to run in a shitty diaper?
July 5, 2016 — 11:30 AM
Aimee Kuzenski says:
Since my colon resection following cancer treatment, I’m sorry to say I can speak to this post’s veracity. Oy.
July 5, 2016 — 11:48 AM
Dana says:
I am suddenly never in the mood for broccoli again, ever. Ever.
July 6, 2016 — 3:26 PM
Ryan McNeill says:
Heh, there must be a root physiological explanation for this and prolonged or intense exercise.
I have trained some very intense kung fu for quite some time and while I have never reached anything close to pants-crappery(yay for not training across long distances!), it’s pretty common for me to have a lot of gas to let loose after doing forms for an hour…
July 8, 2016 — 4:53 PM
I Am Also John says:
I *almost* succumbed to the urge to google “marathon pooping”.
July 11, 2016 — 1:44 AM
Denise Mills says:
Enthralling story!! Twitter works wonders for building the suspense!
January 2, 2017 — 4:32 AM