I saw a great tweet this week.

Search History:

Cat armor

Buy armor for cats

Cat jousting tournaments

How to stop armored cats

Cat army how to stop

national guard phone #

— Alone Shark (@AbrasiveGhost) April 26, 2015

Search terms tell a story. We’ve seen it used in advertisements. It sometimes plays as a joke on Twitter.

This is your challenge.

I want you to take six to ten search terms.

And I want you to tell a story with them. A narrative progression.

That’s it.

Short, simple, easy.

It can be funny, scary, tragic, whatever.

This time, there are stakes.

Prizes.

I’ll give away three physical copies of my upcoming Z-List Hackers Vs. Evil Government Surveillance Program novel, Zer0es. (This means you’ll need to be in the US to receive those copies unless you want to pay the shipping costs to receive the book elsewhere.)

I’ll pick my two favorites and choose one random winner, too.

You’ve got one entry.

One week to do it — due by next Friday (5/8), noon EST.

Put your story directly in the comments below.

Go forth and rock.

EDIT: Time to announce some winners!

Okay, these were hard because oh so many good ones.

Some were a little samey-samey — like, okay, sure, zombies and suicide and the standard progression. And a few were good but actually went past the rules — either entered more than once or went over 10 search terms. So: some disqualified themselves.

My favorites included but were not limited to:

Douglas Riggs, Elizabeth Mallory, Matt Perkins, Valerie Valdes, ABillyHiggins, Alissa Hodges, Thirstyfish, Tony J, Mrnswen. But, I have to pick two winners out of there.

So I’m going to do that with great pain and reluctance because so, so good.

First up:

ABILLYHIGGINS:

domination

define dominatrix

non-sexual domination

world domination

simple plan for world domination

simpler plan for world domination

is beyonce world leader

alternative to world domination

how to become accountnt

what to do with broken dreams

And my second choice?

ELIZABETH MALLORY:

Best sex positions to satisfy men

Female why can’t I orgasm

What are Kegels

Meditation practices to open sacral chakra

How to know if you’re in love

Best way to break up with someone

Good bars near me

Date night ideas

Best sex positions to satisfy women

Engagement ring sizing chart

States where gay marriage is legal

And then, on a lark, I’m going to throw in two more winners, because so good:

MRNSWEN:

Symptoms of toxic waste poisoning

Strongest weight lifted by a human

How to tell if something is bullet proof

Average amount of money in a bank vault

Average police response time

Private jet charters in my area

Best country to live in

Best country to live in with no extradition

How to defeat a superhero

and

VALERIE VALDES:

how to tell if your spouse is cheating

can people change

can people change into bears

next full moon

how to build a safe room

what do bears eat

can a bear get a human pregnant

can a werebear get a human pregnant

bear gestation period

small bear cages

Then, we have one random winner:

WTF PANCAKES:

Summer family party ideas

Seasonal produce

Citrus recipes

Lemon party

How to clear browser history permanently

Therapists on my insurance plan

All of you need to email me:

terribleminds at gmail dot com.

I’ll need a shipping address in the US where I can get you a copy of ZEROES!