Why I Prefer The Word “Feminist” Over “Equalist”

I wrote a post yesterday declaring myself a no-foolin’ sure-shootin’ make-mistakes-but-gonna-keep-on-trying-anyway feminist. It received a kind response, so thanks for that.

One of the responses to that comes mostly from men and that response is, roughly:

“I don’t believe in equality for just women, so I cannot call myself ‘feminist.'”

And sometimes this is followed up with them preferring the term humanist or equalist.

Or calling the idea ‘egalitarianism,’ instead.

Women and men and everybody: all equal. Good. Sure. Yes.

There’s nothing wrong with wanting us all to be equal. I get it. I agree with that. And I think this idea comes from a good place, for the most part — a noble place, one without rancor or venom.

But, just the same, I see a problem.

A few problems, actually.

Instead of looking at this like a scale that needs balancing, let’s pretend that it’s about money (and at least a part of this really is about money). I say this because balancing a scale can involve taking away from the heavier side to balance scales, and I think some men look at feminism as exactly that: “You’re going to take from me to give to them.”

So, instead, let’s assume it’s about money.

Let’s say that a man has a dollar. One hundred pennies.

Let’s say a woman has — this number floats a bit, but let’s just settle on 80 cents.

Again, we could say that to make things equal that we must take money out of the man’s pocket, but that’s silly. We want a gain, here. Instead, the goal is to ensure that conditions are met where more money enters the woman’s pocket.

(And again, here ‘money’ is a placeholder for all the vagaries of equality.)

It would be easy to say, as a man with a full dollar in your pocket, that everyone should have the same amount of money. But that’s ambiguous. Generic. It has no goal, no task, no specific channel of action. We need to be specific — we need to be able to point to that woman sitting right there and say, “Godfuckingdamnit, how do we put more money in her pocket?” It’s like being in a room with a locked door. Someone needs to pick the lock to escape, so it’s worthless to say, “Well, I think all doors should be open.” Yeah, that’s super-fucking great as a theory, but seriously, we need to deal with the door standing in our way first.

Now, add to the fact that, really, men are already more equal than equal.

The door is open to us. We have the key. Again, it’s really nice to say, I think all people should have this key, except there you are, still holding onto it. You’re not handing it off. You’re not sharing it.

Another metaphor: bullying in school.

It’s bullshit when one kid bullies another, and then the victim either fights back or “tattles” (one of the most corrupted terms we can lend to our children, how dare you speak out against a wrong-doer, you little shit), that victim shares in the punishment. It’s crap. One side had the power, and used it, and now everybody pays, which means ultimately the victim pays twice.

This, is like that, at least a little bit.

Men already have the power and the privilege.

We already have All The Things. Or, at least, Most Of The Things.

So, it sounds galling to be the ones who have the lion’s share and say, “I think all people should share in the spoils, not just women.” In other words, you’ve included yourself in that generic, unfocused “everybody” group. And this is where equalism / humanism / egalitarianism feels wifty, wonky, lazy, weak — it’s a pie’s eye view, a gesture with a limp noodle fingers, “Sure, sure, yes, we should all be equal, and we should all have ponies, and let them eat cake. The ponies and the people. Let the ponies and the people eat cake, in case I wasn’t clear.”

Feminism is there to address a very specific set of deficits. But it’s not exclusive. You can be feminist while being for the correction of other imbalances, too. You can be an EQUALITY FOR ALL person while still being someone who supports the particular cause of correcting these deficits.

If you want to right these specific wrongs — then you’re a feminist.

If you don’t want to correct them — then you’re not.

And if you’re not a feminist…

…then you’re really not much of an equalist, or a humanist, or an egalitarian. Meaning, it’s hard to say you’re for all SHAPES if you won’t be there for SQUARES in particular, you see what I mean? Being a feminist is part of it. As I see it, being a feminist isn’t taking anything away from anybody. It’s there to give, not remove — it’s all additive, not subtractive. And that, gents, is why I’m #HeForShe, and not just #WeForWe. I don’t need to confirm a world where you share with me, because the flow of power has already gone the other way. We need to learn to share.






  • I am still an equalist because not all people, men and women alike, have the same luxuries of freedom, choice and privilege as those who are in the ruling class of a given culture. All equal, all the time, every where!!!

    • Do you want the same luxuries or freedom? Dont you like that the world is global and you can go where you want and find an undeveloped beautiful beach.

      Why should the world be homogenous?

      People do not deserve luxury. They deserve the right to earn as much food and board as everyone else. You can get a living wage.
      You work hard for the rest.

      There are no ruling classes, there are just people who did not have to work for their luxuries because someone gave them freely. They are not good rulers nor are they in any kind of class, it is a statistical bucket.
      And who said they could rule?
      Have a revolution and let diversity explode and create new things.
      Unequally unevenly unselfishly.

  • Men also have problems. More deaths to war and suicide, more homelessness, more shitty, dangerous jobs. Presuming that men have no problems is not only ignorant and sexist, it’s also mean. Men and women are both suffering in some fields compared to each other to some degree. What you’ve done is completely ignore the fields where men are worse off. That would skew the data.

      • First off if you’ll permit me, but isn’t it possible that if one wants to right societal wrongs, they don’t have to identify as a feminist?

        Second. “nine times out of ten, men are worse off because of other men.” Citation needed.

    • I would like to respectfully disagree with you. While men face many issues, and I certainly agree with that, saying women also face issues doesn’t skew the data nor is it sexist. Feminism focuses on issues of women because there are more issues for women- do men have an unequal wage gap? Are they told they should aspire to marry?
      While men face issues feminism focuses on women. Being a feminist doesn’t mean you don’t think men face issues, it just means that you want to focus in particular, on women’s injustices.

    • Meh. This is old. My problems are bigger than yours and I want attention!.
      I knew a girl who was like that, I never had boyfriend while she was having all of it.

      Equality surely is at least about NOT whining about who has the biggest problem.

      Men deaths are due to men activities.
      Women dont tend to die at war because they dont support war because of all the killing.
      There are many men who choose not to join an army for the very same reason.
      There is no gender issue here.
      People who choose war die at war.
      They choose war because they are trying to take an unequal advantage.
      Women die in childbirth.
      Let’s assume it balances out, eh?

      more suicide,
      – definitely a choice

      more homelessness,
      – the warriors would say it is a choice, are you saying women have secret homelessness shelters the men are not allowed in?

      more shitty, dangerous jobs.
      – choose an education, choose a giant paycheck, choose a womans job, no one will stop you.
      – I expect when all the dangerous jobs became available the ministry of truth started tweeting about how men were braver than women. When banking was recruiting it was all about how men were better at taking risks.

      Just so long as they keep you competing, they are winning.
      Hush now.

  • Equalist all day. Call me a product of this busted world. Don’t really sync up with “fairness” and equality by this worlds rules. Equal pay but keep that federal reserve and fractional reserve banking? Let everyone be optimally miserable.

    But yeah that is fair. Totally don’t burn this away and start from
    scratch. But I’m just a dumb kid equalist.

  • The concept for this article was ruined by saying that “…to make things equal that we must take money out of the man’s pocket, but that’s silly. We want a gain, here. Instead, the goal is to ensure that conditions are met where more money enters the woman’s pocket.” Which then that would mean that you raise the female opportunities to even right? So lets say that happened so they will both be on $1. Then you use a scenario to say “…I think all people should have this key, except there you are, still holding onto it. You’re not handing it off. You’re not sharing it.” This is now saying that the men should give what they have to the female to help her escape. So you just contradicted yourself. Also how you use this example is implying that males already have everything that they need. Which is completely false or everything that i am working for in my life is just given to me and i can laze around and do nothing. Anyway this reply has helped to work my English skills towards adults who presume the know they are right. For saying that it is pushing it to give the female 80c to the mans $1 is also incorrect. Here’s the attachment to the Australian Bureau of Statistics http://www.abs.gov.au/AUSSTATS/abs@.nsf/Previousproducts/BAC94EBF241B1C9CCA25703B0080CCC8?opendocument

  • I love everything about this! Can you imagine if the dudes losing their mind over this ever had to actually deal with oppression based on their gender?
    Intersectional feminism is seriously where it’s at!!

  • Thanks for writing this. I’d like to see “equalist” used more often in feminist language for one very specific reason. As Joss Wheddon pointed out when he tried to suggest the word genderist, the word feminist has always suffered from the problems with the sound of the word. The word doesn’t sound good enough. Equal rings in people’s ears well and has for centuries and by using it, we can coalesce the separate equal rights armies into one and fight for all of it at the same time. There are differences between the struggle of african americans and the struggle of women, but their are similarities too and these are where these coalitions can come together to become a stronger force for equality.

    In some ways it mirrors the issue of pro-life vs pro-choice. The words are fighting sometimes in people’s heads who are on the fence or suffer from low-information. People see the word life and they automatically believe that the tiny ball of cells is “alive.” It becomes a no brainer at that point. Who once making that decision would come down on the side of the word “choice?” Letting mom’s kill instead of accept responsibility for their actions doesn’t make sense to a conservative mind even if it’s in the best interest of the mom and the society. On the other hand, if it was pro-life vs pro-women’s health, the words would confuse those who have no other context and would make them look into it more. By going with the word “choice” we’ve made a grave PR error that’s been hard to reverse.

    If the majority of the public dislikes the banner wording for the movement, the wording can change and the numbers can be measured. Consider homosexuals vs gay-marriage vs marriage-equality vs equal-love. They kept evolving the wording and those on the fence were more able to accept it.

  • April 15, 2015 at 4:53 PM // Reply

    I think this article is very interesting, however (and this is coming from a personal POV, not attempting to disrespect anyone at all) maybe its more important that we actively try our best to not contribute to harmful sexism and gender discrimination, and whether you identify as a feminist or not, it should not hinder your ability to fight against inequalities faced by different genders.
    But its also important to remember, we are now living in a world where it’s not just a case of ‘men hold the key but wont share it type of thing’ but also one where its not uncommon that those who identify as trans or non gender binary, who commonly are discriminated against by cisgender men and women. So comparatively, this problem goes far deeper than the traditional “all men have it better”.
    So maybe the reason more people are identifying as equalitarians is because they feel it is more inclusive.
    And when it comes to the ideas of working to a specific goal, well, people are going to face different experiences and if people work towards gender equality in their own specific section, wheather it be a focus on pay gaps at work for women, or a focus on male rape, transphobia then surely thats a good thing because its all working towards gender equality.
    Ultimately, it is a case of actions speaking louder than words, I can call myself a proud feminist, or egalitarian, but what does it really mean unless I am doing something to strive towards gender equality. Essentially, we are living in a world where current gender roles have disproportionately advantaged and disadvantaged different genders in different ways.
    On a final note (even though I rarely cross compare gender equality and racial equality examples) When it comes to achieving racial equality, we rarely feel the need to use the terms and identifications to show our support for racial equality. “blackism” for example is a term that we wouldn’t use because racial issues go further and deeper than just “black and white (pun intended)- however we show our support for gender equality by…uh…not being racist. The only time we do use this type of terminology is when we are calling out a “biggot” or “racist”. Does that mean that these issues are not on peoples minds?

  • - #HeForShe, and not just #WeForWe.
    – Feminism is there to address a very specific set of deficits.

    It troubles me to see this, I fully support equal wages and rights but truth be told neither is equal.

    In some cases females get less wages doing the same work and that is wrong but most studies show that the work preference of the genders have a bigger effect on the wage gap between females and males most off the studies also show that males are more likely to work overtime and that they take fewer days off that effects there payment a lot.
    Honestly I think the main problem is the generalization of the work space for example Engineer is a well paying job that has almost no girls in it while Nursing is a low wage job that almost only has females in it.

    In most cases for example domestic abuse, sexual assaults and everything child related females have superior legal rights so much so that it is almost frightening a single lie told by a girl can destroy a persons life ” He assaulted me.”, ” He made inappropriate sexual contact in the workplace. “, ” A child needs it’s Mom!”.
    Those are all examples of something a female can say and in a second destroy the life if a male and when it comes down to he said / she said it is almost always ruled in favor off the female.
    It has gotten to the point where girls can black mail there bosses with out any evidence, ruin there boyfriends life because he cheated on her or strip a loving father off the love of his life.

    For example : https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8ErIQ15p8j4

    This is why I´m a equalist if you only focus on one side off the problem you might fix that problem but you will most likely make other problems even worse.

    Why not leave an old concept that is slowly becoming the very same thing it’s fighting behind and rally under the same banner so that my children might one day see true equality?

  • Cough Cough, im sorry but im going to use Urban Dic here.

    1) One who believes all posses certain rights. The most basic of these rights being: life, possession, expresion. These rights are limited by the rights of others.

    2) One who defends the rights of all, whithout discriminating the opposition’s rights. Such a one opposes segregating terms such as: “black power”, “white power”, “feminism”, etc…
    A) “We believe that all, no matter their sex, race, or religion, have the right to life, possession, and expression. We are ‘Equalists’!”

    B) “Let us discard all discriminating terms. Including ‘black power’, ‘white power’, ‘feminism’ and any other discriminating term! Let us all be ‘Equalists’ !”

  • I would like to rather call myself an Equalist. The money example doesn’t really work here, it makes a point but it ends up being too narrow. It’s not just about taking and giving, balancing some perceived scale. It’s about being seen as equal, the same. To me at least, that means to not have a distinction between genders. It’s looking at the individual, not the group.

  • going into your dollar analogy, here is a point i would like to make. yes, men might have more dollars, but at the same time, women might have more pounds. men might have more rupees, but women have more euros. there are areas where men are more powerful, and areas where women have more power. it might be true that, in more areas, men have power. but that doesn’t mean that women aren’t more powerful in any areas. but that’s exactly what feminism is saying. when they say, men are in power, they are implying that, in every area, men have more power. that is why, for me, the term equalism is preferred, even over terms like meninism or MRA. because a gender politics fight shouldn’t be about one side verses the other, but about inequality, in any area, vs equality in all areas

  • I personally identify as an equalist (a lot less negativity associated with the word) but I generally don’t see much of a problem with someone identifying as feminist. The people that I associate myself with consider themselves feminists yet they fight for not only women’s rights, but also trans/gender rights, rights for people of color, and men’s rights. Even though they are about general equality they still prefer to refer to themselves as feminists and I don’t see a problem with that. Maybe it’s just me. I think I don’t see a problem because I view feminism as more about equality, for men too. How I personally view feminism is, if feminism is about equal women’s rights, it HAS to be about equal men’s rights too. You can’t have one without the other. If women are above men then it’s no longer equal because now women have the power. Women shouldn’t have more rights than men and men shouldn’t have more rights than women, isn’t that the meaning of equal? I think the people I know who are feminists use that term instead of equalist because it has more power. The word is everywhere. There is little known about equalists (I even thought I had made up the word because I never heard it used). You hear about feminism doing things (whether for better or worse) but you rarely hear about equalists doing anything. That doesn’t mean equalists aren’t fighting and doing good, it’s just rare to hear about it. I personally prefer the word equalist, but that doesn’t mean I have to be against feminists. Essentially I am a feminist because I’m pro women’s rights. Wouldn’t all equalists be feminists too? Would some feminists also be equalists? It shouldn’t just be one or the other. We shouldn’t fight other people who are also for equal rights just because we choose a different word to call ourselves. We are all fighting for equality in some way or another. Whether people agree with me or not, I don’t really care all that much, it’s just my own two cents on the matter.

  • I’m still kind of confused, sorry. You make it seem like equalism is wrong and doesn’t really focus on women. Yet, you say that feminism is apart of equalism. If feminism is apart of equalism, how are you any better if you’re a a feminist? I’m not hating on feminism btw!! I agree with their views on equality. I’d like to view myself as an equalist because I feel like focusing on racial equality is so so so so so important, as well as focusing on gender equality and other things, as well. I don’t just focus on gender equality but all human rights. If I like to fight for all of these things, am I an equalist or a feminist? Pls help (I’m a girl btw !!)

    • Hi Nova Joy, in ref to your question am I an equalist or a feminist… I would say live from your heart in a non judgemental fair minded way being sure to demonstrate your choices, ideas and boundaries along the way and try and not worry too much about the label, the word…..for…..

      “What’s in a name? That which we call a rose
      By any other name would smell as sweet.”
      Romeo and Juliet (II, ii, 1-2)

  • Really interesting to read this article. I believe in equality for all and support the causes for all genders, all races and all sexualities. I started thinking of myself in terms of the my made up word equalitist…to find here the word equalist. Why I starting thinking myself in these terms I think was because I support women rights and felt the word feminism to same people sounds like thats the only cause I support…what with the history and back catelogue that word has also as beign bad news and not understood very well. I suppose one could say the word feminism is a sub category of the term equalist. Violet with her/his comment above also walks you though this thinking. Banishment of Narcissism which I think is the basis for it all and and increased interest in empathy would eradicate these problems.

    Great discussion, I can’t tell you how happy its made me listening to some great fair mind, intelligent people on here. We are continuing to develop as a species to improve on these things but it does often feel like people like us are a minority but over time with education and sharing of these ideas there’s a chance one day we will all be equal and respected. Even one day when no one has to go on the journey I have and seen what violations are out there at the coal face. To unravel for me to real truth behind abuse and marginisation just from being born a women.

    I come from a pretty ordinary background but have suffered at the hands of men more than I can count, this sexism and violence isn’t a male problem, its a narcisstic personality problem and a disorder which women share also. Pro women Pro men. I love them all but not the mentally deranged ones that our n’ish society is reproducing. EMPATHY is the key and passing on the knowlegde of personality disorders with traits that are praised in society. People with high N traits have low empathy, low empathy leads to abuse of all kinds. They were abused themselves from their upbringing, their coping mechanism was to become one themselves. It’s NOT helpful. Our society objectifying firstly women and now men NOT helpful.

  • I imagine being feminist as someone who is looking very closely at a wonderful piece of art. They notice each elegant brush stroke, and even some of the more clumpy and rough patches. I feel that feminists look meticulously at this artwork and try to find what is wrong, what is missing. Feminists want to see that something is done to solve these discrepancies in the art, but they can only imagine fixing what they are looking at.

    On the flip-side, there are egalitarians, who are simply looking from a standpoint a few feet away. They are standing close enough to notice that something is offsetting about the artwork, but they are at a distance in which they must recognize not every brushstroke can be perfected. I opine that egalitarians are looking at the bigger picture, one that is more realistic, yet still hopeful of equality. Egalitarians desire equality among all people, no matter race, gender, sexuality, etc. The word originates from roots meaning “equal,” which is something I hope those who strive for equality would prefer as their namesake.

    Coming from the point of view of a 16 year old male, I can safely say that I have yet to experience the world (or accurately qualify it), despite whatever biased and underdeveloped opinions I have. That being said, I don’t have a strong backing in whatever propositional argument I may have constructed. I’d like to bluntly say that I don’t like the word feminism, much like I don’t appreciate the phrase “black lives matter.” Each of these common points of discourse are too specific, too circumstantial, in my opinion, to have a logical follow up worthy of action. If we want to solve the problem of inequality, we have to stop pointing fingers, or even giving the slightest intimation of that. If we want to treat each other equally as one, we must act as one cooperative and respectful organization, not an opinionated group out to assign blame and demand reform.

  • I love this post, well done! To me the feminist label is not stating what is really sought: not feminist power, but balance and equality. In order for this to happen everyone needs to be on board and the word equality includes everyone. Hope this is a helpful response.

  • You said it yourself. Feminist are here to give not take. Add not subtract. Unless someone literally shits the difference in pay rates between men and women, for every woman in the world. Or science finally creates the fabled “money tree.” How the fuck do you add when there isnt a lump sum of cash for such issues? Maybe woman create business exclusive for female employees then donate their profit the the other woman missing out? Company wouldnt last long, and even if it did it would have empowered woman. Cant have that if you are a “true” feminist because it would be denying men to work in that business. Maybe we all pay a little more in tax soo that woman can gain the difference. But guess what, thats taking from everyone who is a tax payer. Soo it all leads back to equalism, that difference in pay has to come from somewhere, someone has to be short changed or pose profit for this to happen. Maybe the rich corporate men who own these multi-million dollar companies? Fat fucking chance. Lets be real for a second. These such men wouldnt do such a thing even if it meant equal opportunity. Why? Because they lose out. Their back pocket feels significantly lighter. Cant have that they might be a few million dollars short of being able to spend any of it in there glimpse of an existence. The sad fact is, in this shithole we call earth, there are soo many wrong people in politics, and fee right people. Worst part is, do these “right” people speak up? No, they are easily corrupted not just for profit gain could be a number of other reasons. For example our late pm tony abbott would backbench those who spoke out against him, those who would vote pro for marriage equality. Soo still to this day it doesnt exist. Prior to abbot we had Kevin Rudd who tried to legalise marriage equality. What happened to him? Voted out. His proposal never lasted. Feminism cant exist without equality. Im all for the equal rights movement across the board whether it be age, sex, cissgender or transgender, colour, religion and political view. But it will never exist with current state of the world.

  • You say that you can’t be an equalist if you are not a feminist but I don’t believe that’s entirely true, you can support and believe in the feminist standpoints but not be one yourself and in the corruption it seems to have obtained. It seems as though feminists are taking on this ideology where they think that just because a man can do something better that they are sexist when in reality you may not be qualified to do the job they are doing. People in general can never be entirely equal, we can try our best to get as close as we can but we can’t ever be exactly equal because of the simple fact of evolution and bodily differences and also that different people learn different things or do different things based on their interests or their personality. It’s like expecting a fish to be able climb a tree just because that monkey could do it just fine, it simply doesn’t work.

    • Contrary to what others have commented, I believe in feminism because I am an equalitist, because I believe in all issues of inequality, and especially gender inequality. I believe in an equal world, I know that money doesn’t grow on trees and women can’t just “add wealth not subtract from men” but we are all human and surely we should all strive to improve our world and our wellbeing, for everyone.
      We aren’t different, no gender is superior, and we can’t let sex, race, culture or ethnicity limit our future; would you tell your daughter, “I’m sorry but I’m not a feminist because of the negative connotations associated with it; I’m sorry that I’m not going to fight for gender equality because it doesn’t seem possible, or it means that I will have to compete more in my work, or might be paid less because women will have to earn the same as me”.
      Inequality, in my opinion, can be summarised by this analogy (and while there are some discrepancies, generally I believe it rings true):
      Imagine a raffle. Group A and Group B have the same number of people and pay the same entry fee. The winner is randomly drawn.
      If someone from Group A wins (from the random draw) they receive the “grand prize”. If someone from Group B wins, they will get the “less-equally-amazing-but at-least-you-still-won prize”, despite paying just as much for admission.
      As women we are told that we should be appreciative and happy that we even received a prize (I.e. Job, opportunity etc.). But the true meaning of feminism is about challenging this, it is about saying that despite gender, we should all be equal, with equal rewards and equal opportunities. We pay our fair share for the raffle, we work just as hard in life and aspire just as high as you so why wouldn’t we strive equality? It’s laughable that anyone would expect us to settle for less.
      People can be scared of the term ‘feminism’ but the more we use it and the more we follow it, the more we show others that it’s not a thing to be feared, but a thing to be cherished and considered; a thing to spark change.

  • There is so much social stress regarding these issues that I have been missing all the signs. Women listen up.

    When I was young I heard boys saying it was not fair about doors and shopping bags and not having to do jobs. I agreed there was no reason to be different and if a mom and dad want to work or not work it is up to them alone.
    I was alright, for a girl.
    This is not sexism.

    I got a job in computers, its the one niche area of IT I really love, I rapidly declared celibacy in order to be able to treat all of my young unhappy male colleagues equally and they would not need to take rejection of proffessional co workers as a personal issue.
    I needed to do this because I do not know if I am a tart or a prude but I keept hearing both quite regularly and was confused about how to behave appropriately.
    I discovered this does not help as they listen to rumours and feel they are being left out of the free bike rides.
    This is not sexism it is normal healthy sex obsession in someone of an age to learn how to handle their hormonal functions while busy on longer term mental rewards.

    I asked the company if they had a policy on office romance so that I would not have to have my own policy or get a bigger man for protection. This seems to ‘make things awkward’ for my employers. I have worked in many jobs befire that where there was a no dating policy, it is fine. It was the not yet implemented dignity policy that worried them. I do not need protecting by continental laws. I want to interact with people and build peace.
    The policy insists on protecting me for my own good. This is not sexism. This is oppression of the workforce so that we all give up slow down and take a minimum living wage. We had that 100 years ago, thanks It was fine, no inflation, mostly everyone had a house and a job and a family. This was not sexism.

    I left to a wave of ‘ u cant take it in a mans world’. This is not sexism. This is a plonker who thinks I am leaving because he did a cheap and mean practical joke on me. I am not that weak.
    The mega bully reason I left simply said I was ‘s**t anyway’. This is not sexism. This is a typical finger pointy distracter.
    They shut down a year later. Bad management. I had trouble getting work any time I attempted to answer why I left my previous job. I learned a polite british ‘spot of bother with my lead’ meant I had problems with authority to other people. I learned ‘bullying’ meant I had a victim complex.

    I learned to say things that sound like answers but say nothing. I realised this is what the boys could already do. They did it all the time. Every question was answered with a joke that meant noone cares about the job, relax and join us.
    But every tone and nuance said they felt good seeing me confused and unable to solve problems anymore. Its a look that has a darkness to it and can often be followed by a humiliation way beyond the normal primary school learning experience.

    I know how Turing felt now. Boys are mean.
    I dont even like the idea of sex it comes with so many power plays and lies and people act like they are addicted to drugs.
    That was sexist of me. It is not the mens fault.

    What they are angry at is not me, and it is not a gender issue. It gets confused with a sex issue because they are kept hungry for power and praise by lazy managenent.
    Management keep an all male office like a prison and work them like dogs. Women are apparently distracting, which might stop them working. When the dogs look like they will turn on their master, they throw in a woman.

    It is not sexism. It is a managenent problem.

    Management let them think we are taking lower pay and stealing their jobs so they work harder. Management know the angriest will stop annoying the management and will fight over the meat instead. Who cares if they kill each other off. Younger idiots are giving up limbs to be there.

    It is not ageism. It is a management problem.

    But it is getting to me. I am feeling quietly angry all the time. I am more angry at the lazy people who listen to gossip than the quick minded gossipers. The fearful masses have numbers on their side. They dont have to be quiet because they think they are the only one. YOU ARE NOT ALONE. You have 100 other men to talk to in your office. You just have a withdrawl from sex addiction which was instilled in you from birth with gender roles. YOU are not alone.

    Why are they dumb? (girls mature faster) Why so short sighted?(women have intuition) Why when you say you are better than me over and over do you do nothing about it? (men can not multitask) Why do you listen to unlikely gossip just because you might be able to angry a shag out of it ( chemically enhanced specialist skills).
    Girls are taught they are different. We are given all the flip backs. They try to make us hate you too but we are not built that way.
    Nature will find a way.
    Everything you say you are, we find a harmony. You lead we follow.
    That is what I was taught, to be dumb and not think for myself. Girls cant … Teachers cant …
    Those who care are undermined by anyone who desperately wants to scamble up a slug pile to get to the top of nothing.

    Sexist genderist equallist bullshittist.
    It is not sexism. It is bollox.

    Think whatever you want, but Make It True.
    Make me a happy go lucky girl who is not afraid to sleep with any man I think smiled nicely. Make me a miserable excuse for a human so you can not be on the bottom if you want. Read the media tell you men dont know who they are, they will be telling you you dont know what you want next. Go read about being a man and learn that you are nothing but a bag of sex and power hormones and the women are out to get you and you should screw them all. Equally.

    But remember you get more flies with honey than negging.
    Who is teaching you to hate your women?

    But dont blame me for my fear of sex.
    It is not personal. It is a management problem.

    So I unlearned how to communicate through the constant misinformation and plausible denyability that keeps me constantly confused.
    I can not speak anymore.

    I have not finished a full sentence since 1997.
    I have not dared to try one since 2010.
    I have not had any whore moans since 2008.
    I have bragged about my flatlined emotional balance since 2013 and anticipated a gentle glide to a peaceful hormone free balanced mind.

    Today my hormones are perfectly momentarily balanced. I see the light.

    It is not the mens fault. They are doing what their bosses want. They are scared to lose their jobs. They feel weak for letting this happen to them. When they see a weaker person they have to point and pretend they are not weak to stay alive.
    It is fear. Given to you by those that control you.
    Who is the boss of you?

    So here it is. Winning is a losers game. In-fighting and clique-others is pointless. Equality is achieved only by knowing we are all different and have a different place in the wirld. When we work together we have every skill available to make it work.
    Stop competing and please, please stop trying to look cool when so much awesomness could be achieved if people stop bickering over labels and self-validating victimhood.

    Equality can never ever happen if you are even arguing about what it means. Shit happens to everyone. You do not have to be that shit.
    The bus is not out to get you, it is not a lion. Your neighbour would rather join you to make the streets more safe than spend his life avoiding pavements because you are paranoid that if the bus doesnt have a sacrifice you will be next.

    You were next ages ago.
    The bus already got you.
    You are lying to yourself.
    You are all equal already.
    What you are, is competing over who is angriest about that.

    And I had to have a frickin early menopause before I could get the balance back in my head to see it.
    It was not hormones that stopped me understanding. It was PEER PRESSURE.

    And I rather suspect that if I had one honest conversation with someone who was not holding power over me through money sex or numbers, my body would immediately stop thinking it was a chimpanzee and trying to eject my uterus in fear of our new overlords.

    It is not sexism.
    It is a self-management problem.

    And I can no longer manage.
    I think maybe I should try to get used to this?
    I am dead inside and I am Still not used to this.

    Sorry for ranting.

  • May 11, 2016 at 12:41 AM // Reply

    Equalism encompasses the belief that men deserve emotional equality, women social and economic equality, and balanced political, economic and social rights for everyone. Call it feminism if you only want to believe that women suffer the inequality, certainly, but until men are allowed to feel emotionally and socially free to publically display emotions they will subconsciously need to dominate and women be submissive.

  • I see what you are saying but still don’t agree. I’m a gay man and could easily say that women don’t need their own word “lesbian” because they could just simply identify as gay, because that would be equally correct. Bit they fought really hard for their own word that felt right to identify them, and they fought even harder to put the L in FRONT of what used to be GLBT. Now LGBT. So, in this, I think an equalist movement should form, so the feminists that truly desire equality can step out from the ones that are seriously man hating (because you KNOW they are out there. I know some personally.) Together an equalist movement can actually work on a real goal without the hate and backlash from extremists on both sides of the male and female gender.

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