“Baboon Fart Story” Is Now An Actual Thing

The other day, in my “self-publishing truism bingo” post, I said:

‘I can literally write the word “fart” 100,000 times and slap [on] a cover of baboon urinating into his own mouth, then upload that cool motherfucker right to Amazon. Nobody would stop me. Whereas, at the Kept Gates, a dozen editors and agents would slap my Baboon Fart Story to the ground like an errant badminton birdie.’

That book, Baboon Fart Story, now exists on Amazon.

Cover and text descriptors remain accurate.

Link here.

I am not the person who posted it, nor did I know it was a thing. It was created by a psychologist who goes by the name “Phronk,” which I think is also the sound our taco terrier makes when she’s snoring. It now has 24 reviews. Which is more than some of my books have.

I am sorry and you are also welcome.

[EDIT: 9:48AM, EST]

It would seem as if the sweet ride that was BABOON FART STORY is over, 24 hours after it began. The link is dead. The dream has died. (More seriously: I don’t know if THAT SURLY GATEKEEPER KNOWN AS “AMAZON” removed it or if the author did or what, but for now, ’tis gone.

*viking funeral for baboons and farts*

50 responses to ““Baboon Fart Story” Is Now An Actual Thing”

  1. If this thing becomes the e-book equivalent of 50 Shades of Grey, where a metric fuck-tonne of people buy it purely through the power of word of mouth, then I look forwards to seeing the mainstream media cover this. And the reviews. Oh sweet Rainbow-farting Buddha those reviews.

  2. Good shout – top notch!

    Just got the first UK review in… Let’s make it a trans-Atlantic bestseller!!! Looking forward the The Times Literary Supplement Review.

  3. I don’t know whether to giggle insanely or be depressed.

    I do have to quote one review, though–

    “On the upside, even though it is not the new Dan Brown book, it is a little better than Dan Brown’s last book.”

    Love it.

  4. I should note that if you look in the book (via sample or via purchase), the book appears to be actually formatted like a story, despite containing only that one word: “Fart.”

    • Fart, fart. Fart fart fart, fart farrrrrt.
      “Fart?” fart fart.
      “Fart fart,” fart fart fart fart.

      Does it use “farted” and “farts” and such as well, or is it literally just the word fart? And is there any attempt at things like “f-f-f–f—AAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRT” or what?

      I predict that in 20 years, Baboon Fart Story will come to be hailed as an ironic commentary on how today’s art is f’ed up.

  5. I found the formatting top notch in the sample I downloaded. While I didn’t leave a review (yet) I gotta say, like I’ve said before, Chuck Wendig, you seriously ROCK!!
    Oh, the courage!!

  6. And I believe that BABOON FART STORY has been removed from Amazon by, one assumes, Amazon.

    If that is the case — and the author did not choose to remove it — THEN AMAZON IS A GATEKEEPER OH HOLY SHIT NO *sharpens knives*

  7. Man, go to bed on top of the world, wake up to find dreams dashed. *shakes fist at judgy judges all judgmentally judging in the judges’ chambers at Amazon*

    Seriously (no, I mean it, seriously,) this was also a testament to the power of social media and all that cwap. This flash mob formed up around a blog post. Somebody took the dare, and it was off to the races. And then somebody called the cops.

    Until next time Internet . . . *fades to black*

    • And thank you so very much!!

      “How much incentive do you need to squeeze Amazon’s flaccid teats and spray Phronk with the aromatic milk of success?”

      Oh my god…tears…hysteria. I may never recover from reading this sentence.

      • Thank You, Kay, for your brilliance in capturing the moment. You have made possible for me what is truly a most remarkable moment in time.I feel honored to have shared in this experience with such artistic wordsmiths and creative comrades.

  8. I wrote Baboon Fart Story. Sorry everyone.

    For the record, here’s some information:

    – I sold 21 copies in the U.S. store before it went down. I shall pay Chuck his cut in royalties from buying all his books. 🙂

    – Apparently 21 copies is enough to be #9 in Books > Literature & Fiction > History & Criticism > Books & Reading > General. Which is probably what got it some attention outside of our little circles. Which lead to …

    – The email I got after Amazon took it down: “We’re writing to let you know that readers have reported a poor customer experience when reading the following book: Baboon Fart Story: An experiment inspired by Chuck Wending. As a result, we have removed the book from the Kindle Store. Indicators of poor customer experience are surfaced through a variety of methods, such as customer refunds, customer reviews/star ratings and direct customer feedback. Per our KDP Content Guidelines, we reserve the right to determine whether content provides an acceptable experience for customers.”

    Dang gatekeepers! 😉

    If one were to take this at all seriously, it could say a lot that Amazon did take it down. There are still SOME quality controls (or alternately, barriers) in self publishing, especially given that Amazon is the primary market for most self publishers.

    I will make sure Baboon Fart Story lives on somewhere else though. There are other options. That’s the real beauty and horror of this whole new world of writing and publishing.

  9. 21 copies is nothing to be ashamed of. You have to keep trying. Keep writing what speaks to your soul. Just because Baboon didn’t make it doesn’t mean your next book won’t be a best seller. Think of the possibilities — Lemur Fart Story, Ferret Fart Story. Dare I suggest you think outside the mammal box and go for Penguin Fart Story? Or perhaps it’s time for you to progress a bit and write something a bit more solid? The point is, you can do this! Good luck!

  10. Sorry to be a party pooper but what’s funny about this? This is the kind of crap that made you stop interviewing self-pubbers/author-publishers as mentioned in your Slushy Gut Slog. Thanks for boosting his ratings guys ‘n gals. That’ll really help the author-publishers who do work hard to put out quality work. Boo, Chuck. Boo. Will you give Phronk a Ten Questions day?

  11. This story has a lot of potential with the gatekeepers, I think.
    Next stop, Baboon Fart from Little, Brown.
    A Baboon Fart, brought to you by Penguin.
    Baboon Fart Storytelling for Dummies
    Daily Meditations on Baboon Farts, a Personal Journal
    Who Moved My Baboon Fart?
    I see movie rights, an app, instructional YouTube videos: the possibilities are truly infinite (especially if you can launch a scifi series set in deep space).

    • We are now all part of a history-making moment in web-i-ness… 😉

      I shall tell my future grandchildren about this and be proud to say “I was there.. well, not ACTUALLY there – it was VIRTUAL, okay? And back in 2014 that was PRACTICALLY THE SAME THING..!”

      Gonna get my moments of Photobombing fame where I can…

  12. Let me get this right – you don’t have to knock your brains out trying to write something like, I don’t know, a good story. All you have to do is say fuck a thousand times and you’ve got yourself a block buster with movie rights and more money in the bank than you know what to do with. I get the feeling I’ve gone down the rabbit hole. Chuck, didn’t you write a scathing blog about irresonsible writing. Yes you did ’cause I hung my head in shame as I slithered away vowing to be a better person and do my honest to goodness best to be an upright, forthright, downright better writer. I will drink my milk, I will do my pushups, and I will making the writing community proud of me. Well now, I had no idea that all it took was the ability to write fuck, piss and shit repeatedly – I could have done that! After all the lip service about the ethics of writing, what everyone really wants is purple prose and plenty of it. How dare Amazon take down what has swifty become everybody’s favorite book. Kudos to the author, and Chuck I hope you make a fortune from your cut. I can hardly wait for the movie!

    • there are many paths to success. Personally, I wouldn’t write the word fart over and over and call it a book–but that’s just because my ‘f’ key is broken, so I’d accidentally end up writing art.

  13. I am actually dubious that Amazon got complaints from customers who bought this. The blurb was 100% clear what it was, and I assume that purchasers knew exactly what they were buying and why. I think Amazon didn’t like being mocked.

    • I suspect a certain self-publishing author turned evangelist called Bezos personally because, let’s face it, the book was really mocking the author’s recent and highly publicized breathless claims about self-publishing.

      And even more so than Amazon, The Wooly One doth not like being mocked.

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