It Is Again Time For Christmas Confections

Christmas approacheth. A giant Santa Kaiju slouching toward Bethlehem.

And not just Christmas but a host of other holidays.

Which means it is time for various delicious confections:

Candies. Cookies. Pies. Sugar-fried elf meat.

I am a terrible baker-person, but just the same this is the one time of the year where I put on an apron and get out the mixer and do my damnedest to hang out with the family and make some goddamn motherfucking cookies and treats, so this is also the time when I come to you with wide, panicked eyes and I ask for your recipes of said cookies and treats.

What are your favorites?

Let’s go with “not too difficult to make.”

Suggestions and recipes appreciated.

*stares at you and seductively licks a candy cane*


  • Also, in about a year or so, you can get your little one in on the action by taking Ritz crackers, dunking them in melted chocolate (those Baker’s squares you can snag from the baking aisle melted in the microwave…easy peasie) mixed with a dash of peppermint extract, and laying them out on a wax-paper-covered cookie sheet. Crunch up some candy canes (the little ones will LOVE helping with that!) and sprinkle over still-melty chocolate. If you’re feeling fancy, you can even melt some white chocolate and drizzle over the whole mess. Toss in the fridge to harden. Super easy, just a little bit of salty to heighten the sweetness. Really amazing how good it can be.

  • Chow Mein Noodle Cookies

    1 12 oz bag semi-sweet chocolate chips
    1 12 oz bag butterscotch chips
    10 oz (appx) chow mein noodles

    1. Melt the chips together in a double boiler or a microwave-safe bowl on 50% power. Stir frequently until just combined.
    2. Mix in chow mein noodles until everything is coated.
    3. Drop by spoonfuls onto cookie sheets covered in waxed paper
    4. Chill in the refrigerator/freezer/snow covered back porch until firm


  • Gingerbread cookies with butterscotch chips:

    they are mind-alteringly good.

    ‘Nother easy pumpkin cake recipe –

    1 can pumpkin pie filling mixed with one box of spice cake mix,
    cook as muffins or one cake layer at 350 for 20 min, give or take.
    Dust with powdered sugar or ice, preferably with maple icing.

    It’s better for you than most cake, but it’s very dense and doesn’t rise much. Quite tasty.

  • These “cookies” were brought to a work-related holiday cookie party, and at first I scoffed. But I de-Scrooge’d pretty quickly after eating one. Lots of junk-foody fun.

    1 bag small pretzel rings
    (1) 12 oz pkg of Rolos
    (1) 8 oz bag of M&Ms (or pecans)

    1) Preheat oven to 250 degrees.
    2 Line a baking sheet with parchment paper.
    3) Place pretzel rings on parchment paper.
    4) Insert unwrapped Rolo into pretzel ring, smaller end on top.
    5) Bake for 3 minutes. Eat any leftover pretzels or Rolos. What else are you going to do in the kitchen for 3 minutes?
    6) Gently push an M&M or a pecan onto the top of the semi-melty Rolo.
    7) Cool cookies for 30 minutes.

  • Ridiculously easy and very Southern! Toffee Saltine Treats

    1 sleeve (4 oz) saltine crackers
    1/2 cup butter
    1/2 cup brown sugar
    1 cup chocolate chips
    1 cup chopped nuts (your choice)

    Pre-heat oven to 400 degrees. Line a baking sheet with foil. Place crackers in 1 layer on foil in little soldier-like regimented rows. In a saucepan, combine butter with brown sugar. Heat to a boil and cook, stirring occasionally, for 3 minutes. Immediately pour butter/sugar mixture over crackers and put in the oven for 10 minutes. Upon removing from oven, sprinkle chocolate chips over crackers, and smooth melty chocolate over the crackers with the back of a spoon. Sprinkle with nuts and allow entire layered conglomeration to cool. Once cool, it will peel easily from the foil and you can break into cracker-sized pieces. Also works well placing a small pretzel atop each cracker after spreading the chocolate and before adding the nuts. I have used every kind of nuts from pistachios to pecans, and the only chocolate chips that haven’t worked are the white kind (they melt funny). Peanut butter chips work well too!

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