Fuck. Fuck off. Fuck it. Fuck you. Some Podunk fuckwit country tune. We shall not be fucking. Fuck this. Shit that. My fair fuckin’ lady. God-fucked motel. You fuckin’ whore. A rust-fucked pickup. Eat a dick and die, fuckpie. Frat-fucks. Dumb fucker. I fucking love Google. Hoity-fucking-toity. Bugfuck nuts. Fuckin’ prick. The sun can go fuck itself. The Sunshine Café can go fuck itself equally. Dog-fucker of a mother. Fucking dickwipe. Ass-fuck, New Mexico. The motherfucking mongoose. The motherfucking apocalypse. “Mother cock sucker and fucker.” We’re fucked. Everybody’s fucked. Basehead tweaker fuckface. You fucking shitcock asshole. Hairless Fucker. Jumping Fucking Jesus. Froo-froo piece-of-shit donkey-fucker skinhead. Bullshit. Apeshit. Chickenshit. No shit. Shithead. Shit-canned. Baby shit yellow. Batshit highway witch. The Holy Shit I’m Dead Express. Shits blood and dies. Shitbird Lane. Shithouse spider. Cut the ‘little girl’ shit, paleface. I’mma squeeze the dogshit out of you. You’ll be shitting legal papers till the stars burn out. Slicker than gooseshit on a glass window. This emo shit gives me a rash. Neither shit nor shinola. Shit Creek. Shit River. I don’t want to ingest particles of cat shit. Shit-ton of lighthouses. Shitload of squirrels. Shithole party. Hammered shit. Favorite little shithead! Rock out with your cock out. His cock in his hand. Syphilis is rotting your cock off. Cocksucker. Cat piss. Piss and Doritos. Piss in your Wheaties. Piss-shivers. He might as well have a couple vaginas in his pocket. I did you with my vagina. Two noses and a vagina for a mouth. An unguent for your rashy vagina. Stapled my vagina shut. Sand-encrusted vagina. Tall, Dark and Asshole. Stuff the rabbit’s foot up your asshole. Somewhere in the approximate middle of New Jersey’s sandy asshole. A moist dirt pucker like a cancerous asshole. A nun’s asshole. C-U-Next-Tuesday. Dangling by a delicate cunt hair. Crafty little cunt. Bitchy cunt whore mother. Twat-cunt. Worm-choked cunt. Twat bitch axe-wound. Lippy bitch! Bitches be crazy. The slag-whore bitches in Dracula’s brothel. Sonofabitch. Boobies. Titties. Tits in a bear-trap. Whipped cream on my tits, broccoli up his ass.
Apple-Obsessed Author Fella
Bastard (@BastardBooks) says:
This was completely awesome. Were you possessed by George Carlin?
August 26, 2012 — 5:28 PM
terribleminds says:
@Bastard:
I do consider Carlin a patron saint of sorts.
— c.
August 26, 2012 — 5:31 PM
Bill Cameron says:
What, exactly, made this NSFW?
August 26, 2012 — 5:29 PM
terribleminds says:
@Bill —
The part where I waggle my penis and grease it up on the camera lens. Did you not see that part? You may have to turn your antivirus off.
– c.
August 26, 2012 — 5:31 PM
Bill Cameron says:
But the resulting soft focus made it all romanticy.
August 26, 2012 — 5:32 PM
Paul Baxter says:
I see you finally figured out how to toggle the Adult Content filter in iMovie!
August 26, 2012 — 5:32 PM
Angie says:
Well, fuck this.
August 26, 2012 — 5:48 PM
Jennifer says:
I cannot believe you said vagina.
Jesus fucking christ.
August 26, 2012 — 5:50 PM
Jason says:
This video is about as good as a turkey dick cheese sandwich.
August 26, 2012 — 5:57 PM
Maggie says:
“Chuck Wendig, while gifted, does not use nearly enough profanity. His spoken word performance, while enjoyable, leaves one with the disgruntled feeling that the word ‘fuck’ was not used nearly enough.” – Maggie C.
🙂
August 26, 2012 — 6:48 PM
Christopher Gronlund says:
This fuckin’ cracked me up! Obviously, Blackbirds was much more than this, and I suspect Mockingbird will be, too, but…CUNT shit that fuck up on a bitch platter, I can’t wait ’til Tuesday!
August 26, 2012 — 7:49 PM
brian says:
About halfway thru you had me rolling. Now I must read these stories.
August 26, 2012 — 7:55 PM
Beth L. says:
I’m planning to play this again on days when I really need it… like when you get done using phrases like “durable asset” and “leverage the synergy”, and to wash the candysweet out, you could use a short sharp shot of profanity mouthwash.
August 26, 2012 — 10:41 PM
Sparky says:
It’s kind of strangely calming and transcendent to hear all this streaming profanity.
August 27, 2012 — 1:00 AM
T.J. Janneff says:
I couldn’t get through it; you were so serious when you swore that I was laughing. XD That’s a lot of swearing, though! 😀
August 27, 2012 — 10:13 AM
cheryl says:
‘TWITCH’ It’s a miracle! My Turret’s Syndrome was healed by this video. Thank ‘twitch’ You! ‘twitch’
August 27, 2012 — 12:14 PM
Sonia G Medeiros says:
Bwaahahaha. Can’t wait for Mockingbird. Hurry up!
August 27, 2012 — 1:32 PM
Marla says:
You are one crazy mother fucker, Chuck.
By the way, ASS-FUCK, New Mexico?
I wrote a poem about New Mexico recently. It got rejected, but you should check it out:
http://marlarosebrady.wordpress.com/2012/08/24/new-rejection-letter-different-day/
I think NM is a world of magic and awe, but a little bit of an ass-fuck too.
Thank you for sharing.
August 27, 2012 — 2:32 PM