Penmonkey Incitement: Postcard, Unlocked

And, a week after we started, the stars aligned, the ancient gods awoke, the Druids once more rose and fell as a people, the seas did churn blood, and COAFPM scored 50 sales.

Which means, the first incentive is unlocked.

Time to send out a postcard.

Except, whoa-hoa-hoa, I’m feeling generous. I’m going to send out two postcards. Because, dang, I just ordered these shiny new PENMONKEY cards, and I want to show them off to people.

Way this works is, I take the emails of everybody who bought the book on PDF and who e-mailed me to show me a receipt from their Kindle or Nook purchase. I line ‘em up in a spreadsheet. I use RANDOM.ORG to generate a random number. And that number corresponds to a numbered line on the spreadsheet. Easy-peasy, buttocks-squeezy.

I generated two numbers because, again, I want to send out some motherfucking postcards.

Numbers generated: 25, 102.

Those numbers correspond to:

Gareth Hanrahan (aka “Mytholder!”)


Theresa Fisher!

I’ll be contacting you crazy kids over email. Thereafter, the Doom-Bots will usher you toward your “final reward” in the whirring “pleasure saws” and “laser baths” here at the Penmonkey Spa Camp.

Now, yesterday saw a big jump in Those Who Possess The Penmonkey, so we’re already up 62 sales — which means we only have 38 more to go before I start doling out t-shirts. And let me tell you, I got my own CERTIFIED PENMONKEY t-shirt in the mail yesterday? And it’s actually a pretty snazzy shirt. (Ordered from ZAZZLE.)

Do recall how the incitement works:

For every 50 sales, I send out a postcard.

For every 100 sales, I send out a t-shirt.

For every 200 sales, I offer an editorial look at 5,000 words of your writing.

For every 500 sales, I will procure for someone a Kindle.

All for a period of 1000 sales, or one year.

That’s (in theory) 20 postcards, 10 t-shirts, five edits, and two Kindles.

Right? Right. Now, worth noting: this first pick came from a batch of only 126 people, because that’s the number of people who have let me know they procured the book. Those are pretty sweet odds in terms of nabbing the next reward, a t-shirt, but again, remember that it only works if you email me at terribleminds [at] gmail [dot] com and throw for me proof that you procured a copy of COAFPM for your Kindle or Nook (again, if you bought on PDF, I already have you counted).

Now, I’m revising my International policy a leetle teeny bit.

For the postcard, I will send internationally.

For the t-shirt, I will send internationally only if the procurer pays the international shipping. Sorry for that, but I just can’t afford the second mortgage to send a shirt to Marquesas or something.

For the edit, I’ll look at anybody’s work no matter where they live, but I will edit to US standards.

For the Kindle, sorry, international folks are SOL. Er, blame Amazon?

In other news, I’m slowly readying my next e-book release, a book based on my 25 Things series found here at the ol’ bloggery-hut.

And I finished the first draft of Shotgun Gravy, my teen-noirish Veronica Mars YA-esque thing starring the “Get-Shit-Done Girl,” Atlanta Burns. So, keep your grapes peeled for that, too.

In the meantime, if I sell more copies of PENMONKEY, somebody gets another postcard and a t-shirt.

To procure PENMONKEY:

Kindle (US)Kindle (UK), Nok, or PDF.


  • I was pleased to be one of those peons who lined up and bought right. I was even more pleased to abuse the work printer (two-pages to a page and double-sided; you’re welcome, environment) and settle down for some reading over lunch.

    Only through the first few essays, and the one overriding feeling I have is: I need to buy eggs.

    Seriously, it is good that you put the diet post up-front. Given the sedentary lives we writers have, it is a good point to hit home, and one that few writing advice books/articles mention.

    Now onwards, to further pearls of wisdom, and eggs.

Speak Your Mind, Word-Nerds