Shift work. I know it sounds romantic and sweet to have the family all bonding together but seriously, shift work. You don’t both have to be on duty at the same time, and having some blocked-out time where you can sleep/shower/shit/masturbate/write without worrying about whether or not you will be Called To Duty is going to be critical for both of you in the coming months.

First, get away from each other – and I mean you and your wife. Y’all can meet up again three or four years down the road. One needs to sleep while the other tends to the human larva. Really. That’s how it is.

Second, make sure your house is easy to navigate. This will help a lot. The more “stuff” you get rid of now the less you have to bump into in your sleep deprived stupor. Call Goodwill. Really, you should have six months ago.

Third, just realize that your life is no longer yours. You can write – trust me, I have and do – but now that my kids are 14 and 12 I don’t get any more relief than I did when they were larva. It’s just a different kind of relief. The sooner you adjust, the happier you both will be.

Finally, really and truly, cloth diapers are for suckers. Just fill up the land fill man. You’ve got enough to deal with. Oh, and you’re already a good parent. Trust yourself.

Bonne chance!

My youngest of three sons turned 30 today; I have a 6-year-old granddaughter. I know a little.

What no one else will tell you: Unless you actually wind up and throw the baby against the wall (or the floor), he’s pretty indestructible.

And yes, there will be times (it may have occurred already) when you think the only solution is to actually throw the baby against the wall. This is normal.

ACTUALLY throwing the baby is not normal. Nor is it advisable. Instead, lay him in his bed, and go away for a couple minutes. Primal scream is okay (after all, it’s working for him, isn’t it?)

It gets better. It gets worse. But then it gets SO FUCKING MUCH BETTER! And then? Then you have grandkids. And there is NOTHING better than being a grandparent.

Got one word for you. Swaddling. Now go forth and sleep.

Don’t get into a routine that you don’t want to do forever. Don’t pat him to sleep each naptime unless you want to still be doing it when he is eight. Don’t sing the same song every night, now, unless you think it will still be fun after 2000 repetitions. Routine is good, but leave yourself enough variety that he doesn’t think that is the way life HAS TO BE OR I WILL SCREAM UNTIL I TURN PURPLE GODDAMMIT!

Best place for accurate and useful breastfeeding (which I’m assuming you’re doing based on mustard deli poo) info is kellymom.com. Great, active forums there, too.

Have hope.

This phase of parasitic need will end, and it will end soon. Start measuring your life in six week increments, because everything changes in six weeks when you have a baby. Six weeks from now he’s going to be a different person. So will you.

Don’t expect to get back to normal writing for a while. Sleep is more important than writing, because sleep is more likely to keep you from hating your kid. When people say “sleep when the baby does” they fucking mean it. Forget the dishes. Forget the laundry. Forget the novel. Sleep.

When it gets really bad (and it will) lock yourself in the bathroom, beat the wall, take it out on anything and everything except your wife and child. Know that many, many pretty good parents have done the exact same thing, and that it doesn’t make you a bad father. What it makes you is human. Tell your wife the same. Hug her and kiss her battered hands when she comes out of the bathroom, having beaten the wall herself. Try to give each other breaks: Send each other out for a long walk, or to dinner with a friend. The longer, the better.

Remember, when you can, that he’s not doing it on purpose. (Whether or not you are able to remember this will depend largely on how much sleep you’ve had.)

This is temporary.

My oldest is a year shy of graduating high school now, but I remember those days when she was a wee, sadistic parasite, and they were dark, dark days indeed. There were bright moments, of course. But it doesn’t serve anyone to pretend that the dark ones didn’t exist.

I’m grateful to my mother that she told me all of this. I’m not sure how we would all have survived if she hadn’t.

You’ll be fine. Hang in there.

I was always afraid that each small deviation was the start of a habit that would last for the rest of eternity. (He didn’t nap today…HE’S NEVER GOING TO NAP AGAIN!!!!!) This feeling was especially strong in the middle of the night. It’s not true…

Also, you can bite his fingernails down yourself if you don’t like the clippers.

Are you kidding? It’s been 5 months and I still end every day upset
that I accomplished next to nothing.
After 5 months, I’ll still get to the end of the day and realize I’ve had to pee for half of it but didn’t bother because its just easier if I don’t .
I cannot be out of the house alone without at least one “He’s crying and he won’t stop” phone call from my husband.
Since I’m nursing, I’m up typing this at 3am while my husband snores beside me.
I’ve never been so tired in my life.

As a new parent to a new parent, 2 things.
First, be wonderful to you wife. Sometimes I look at the fact that with pregnancy middle of the night pee breaks and now baby, I haven’t slept through the night in about 15 months. I’m sure you’re a wonderful father, but babies have a mom necessity right now. No matter how much you help, mom will still be absolutely exhausted with the demands on her sleep, time and body. Forgive mood swings, tears, and irrationality. Take the baby so Mom can sleep. Massage shoulders tired from holding. Cook. Clean. Anything to make it just a little easier.

And second, unless you aggro, he’ll survive. Sleeping in the bed? Someday he won’t be. Worried about doing things ‘right’? Then you probably already are. People much less competent than us have kids that grow up without being convicts or serial killers all the the time. People with far less raise happy, successful children. And my favorite part? At this age, you can’t spoil him. Hold him, cuddle him, sing, pamper. You’re not building habits yet, just establishing the “I am safe and loved” part of his world. He won’t remember sleeping in your arms next time he wakes up. You have months before you have to care about habits and routines and sleeping arrangements. Worry about all that later, just soothe him and try to sleep yourself. Children survive despite their parents.

One last tidbit? Reading to them is important, but it doesn’t matter *what* you read. I cheat and totally read to the kid just so I can actually read what I want. He seemed to enjoy Irregular Creatures.

They say it gets better, but I think that’s a bullshit line to keep us from killing them. I mean, they go from this to teenagers. I think I’d rule that getting worse, right?

Good luck. Mine just passed out, so out I go too.

How did I write? When my husband was working, I’d put my daughter in her swing. After all, all she did was sleep at first. I write at my kitchen table on the laptop due to my lack of an office, so that way, I could always keep an eye on her and she me.

I ended up writing an entire novel when she was six months old, in just a month. Nap time is the most glorious time of the day, even now, when she’s 16 months old. I’ve trained her not to be overly needy, meaning she doesn’t want to sit in my lap 90% of the day like other kids of her age that I know. I put Sesame Street on, low volume so I can still hear my thoughts, open up the toybox, and let her go at it. You learn to always watch them out of the corner of your eye while you’re writing. Right now, my daughter is watching Sesame Street in her high chair while she eats breakfast.

Your babe’s just new, so within the next five or six weeks, you’ll know his schedule and learn to start working around it. My kid was 2 months old when I started editing Stolen Prey, and then 3 mo when I was working on getting it self-published (a new experience back then). It just takes a bit to get into the groove.

Good luck!

Yeah, that. Swing. Naps. The baby slept next to me until 6 months, and that way I didn’t have to get up to nurse. And investing in a good baby carrier is key for time out of the house. Carrying that bucket will give you hives. I like a Beco or an Ergo or a Babyhawk. Those Snuglis and Bjorns at the store are for amateurs who want to look like wienies.

Also, if anyone offers to watch the baby for you, throw the baby at them and RUN.

(1) When the baby naps, try to take naps too. It is difficult to write in the midst of sleep exhaustion.
(2) Other times, when the baby naps, write.
(3) If you enjoyed a writing schedule in the past, come to terms that the same baby who controls when you eat/sleep/shower/poop now controls when you write. Embrace it. Love it. And start writing at whatever odd time works for you.
(4) Team work! If you each give the other a few hours out of the house several days a week, you can get a lot done.
(5) Realize it is a scientific FACT that babies speed up the hands of time, so now you actually have less hours in the day in which to fit in everything you have to accomplish.
(6) Do what you’re doing right now – that is, reaching out to other parent/writers. It’s nice to have a community, to know other people struggle with the same shit you do every single day.
(7) Never be afraid to say fuck it and ignore the writing for the beautiful boy. I beg this of you. Because one day you will have an actual human being, a child on your hand, and you will remember how small he was and how sweet he smelled and how he could curls up on your chest and your palm covered his little, sweet back . . . and you will want to cry. or maybe that’s just me.

I’ll stop with seven since that’s a nice, holy number. Just now it can be done! I had my first in law school, second while studying for the bar, I have two step sons (four boys, yes, it’s crazy) and I managed to write my first two books in the midst of all that. It’s possible, just not always easy (kind of like parenting, no?).

addendum:

(8) Accept typos in your life. For example, see above comment.

Oh god, memories. It was only a year ago I was doing this stuff. How quickly the mind blanks it out. All I can say is it gets easier with each step of development. You hear me, it gets easier! Now cling onto that though like a drowning man to chunk of wood, mutter it to yourself half crazed at 3 am knowing you only get to sleep for 2.5 hours before you do thing again.

People will say dumb shit, like “you just wait until she start crawling, then you will be in trouble.” Replace crawling with eating, walking, talking, going to college. They make it sound like each step is worse, it’s not, it gets easier.

Here is how my wife and I did nights.
Wife goes to sleep with the baby at 9/10, but I say awake.
When baby wakes up, I deal with it then crash myself so 12/1am
Next feed, at 3/4 the wife no on almost 6 hours sleep deals with it
At 7/8 am we both get up

Each child is different, you are the expert here Chuck, scary isn’t it

I second Eric’s suggestion. When Jason was born, Rick and I slept at totally different times of the day. He’d go to sleep at noon or a bit later, wake up at 7 or 8pm. I’d go to sleep at 2 or 3am, wake up at 10 or 11am. It gave us time to sleep, time with our son, time to be with each other as well.

Do NOT be afraid to seek professional help with anything even remotely resembling Post-Partum Depression Syndrome. It’s not something to fuck around with and yes, contrary to popular belief, new fathers can get a form of it too.

Writing as a parent? You might as well just kiss your huge chunks of uninterrupted time goodbye. Sometimes, I can’t even get through a blog comment without Amber howling for food or a hug or more Barney on the TV. Get used to 5 minute spurts, 10 minute chunks. Praise Jesus if you manage to find two hours and treasure it, because those times are rare.

I’ve been sitting here trying to come up with some advice for you — except, I don’t have any. But I have baby shopping advice! My friend had a baby and she gets great deals (on diapers and such) at amazon.com/mom. She buys these special diapers, too, which normally cost a fortune (they’re less plastic).

Awesome advice. And in some cases, a little depressing.

Re: the writing thing. While I appreciate the sentiment of, “Yeah, good luck writing for the first X months,” that sentiment can also translate to, “Yeah, good luck paying your mortgage for the first X months.” Writing = what helps to give baby a roof so he’s not stolen by bats and raised to be a vigilante.

So, the goal isn’t to find out that writing won’t happen but rather how it can — and has to — happen.

– c.

The best advice I can give you is to go with YOUR guts for everything regarding YOUR kid. Advice from people is great, but only you three live in your household and know what your own needs are and what will end up working for yourselves. And if what works for you three causes raised eyebrows or tut-tutting from others- fuck ‘em.

Example- Livvie HAD to sleep on me or wouldn’t sleep. Would not sleep. We slept together for 12 mos. She woke up every 2 hours for 12 mos, but at least it was sleep. I needed it, she needed it, grandmothers be darned.

Jonas also woke every 2 hours (sometimes 45 min) but required his space. So we slept in the same room to make things easier for me, but not on the same bed.

I missed Rich very much, he missed me, well-meaning people told us umpteen ways to get our overnights back.

It goes by so much faster than you expect, and eventually those advice givers have something else to needle you about. Like preschool. And kindergarten. And whether they should play sports.

Live in YOUR world and do what YOU need to to function.

And shower. Make sure Michelle doesn’t forget to brush her teeth for 7 days. Eat.

And love each other.

1. It gets better. Patience.

2. Beware advice from people who seem to have their shit more together than you – they probably have one of those fabled angel-magic-sleep babies. Those people get to take showers whenever they want.

3. As much as you can, make sleep a priority. It will make you a better father and spouse. Sleep helps keep away the crazies.

4. When there’s a new baby in the house, I aim for 15 minutes of writing a day. It’s not enough to get anything done, but that “writing slot” is reserved. As the baby’s sleep (and thus your day) becomes more organized, that 15 minutes grows. Writing has never been anything my family depends on for income, so maybe you have to set aside half an hour, or whatever. In any case, I always start small and try to keep it as regular as possible. Also – there will probably be times when you have the *time* to write but your brain is making a meaningless humming sound. You are clean out of energy. Frustrating as all hell, because you’ve been waiting all day for your 15 minutes. Sometimes pushing through it works, and sometimes giving up and watching TV is the ticket.

Take turns getting up with the baby at night, although that’s easier if you’re formula feeding. If breastfeeding, invest in a good pump (not a cheap manual one) so your wife can have some sleep and you can feed him. Also if you’re formula feeding or your wife is breastfeeding and something happens that makes it no longer possible, don’t let people make you feel guilty for using formula. Kids turn out fine on formula. And agree to a few hours of “me time” for each of you–especially when he’s older and sleeping less.
Be prepared for a momentary burst of panic the first time he sleeps through the night. And if he’s gassy buy the store brand gas drops, not name brand. It’s the exact same stuff and A LOT cheaper. Oh, and if you have a Costco near you, their Kirkland diapers are actually made by Huggies and much cheaper.

Best advice: breastfeed for as long as you can stand it, then switch to formula. They will sleep better.

Routine is key. Babies love it. Get up earlier to do work while they’re still asleep, or napping. You’ll eventually learn to live with it. I am fully functional on about 5 hours now, used to need 8 at minimum.

You have to avoid the cosleeping crap to. And putting them in their own room worked very well for us. People we know still have their kids in their room etc, nuts if you ask me.

As others said, trust your own instincts too. You know yourself and your kid best.

We just turned 3 and I am sleeping finally. We play musical beds/couch.

When the baby cries try everything, it could be hungry, tired, need a cuddle, hot, cold, too much light, wants to be held, wants to be put down…. Until he is 6 months understanding some of that and your reaction to it will just take trying.

The best thing I ever did was stop drinking, completely. Babies and hangovers are a molotov cocktail.

I forgot, babies need to sleep often. The more you keep them awake the harder it is to get them to sleep. Wired and tired.

You kept the receipt, right? Just give him back. (I have no kids.)

My baby arrived two weeks before my first book was due, and I wrote the second in that series (140K, plus post-production work on the first) during the first year.

First, know that you’re doing the hard work now. This is the hardest year, but it gets easier every single month. I had to think of myself as a soldier in an army of three. Yeah, shifts. Yeah, teamwork.

Yeah, your time is no longer your own. It moves differently, and the outside world – the people in the life you used to live – are suddenly moving quickly, and are doing things that are both important and unimportant at the same time. (Afghanistan? Sudan? Syria? Joplin? Try taking the four a.m. feeding, bitches. Try doing it knowing your have 2k to write the next day.)

Anyway, you’ve received some great advice so far – I second the motion that you shouldn’t start any habits you don’t want to be doing forever. It was a luxury for me to allow my baby to fall asleep on my chest. I didn’t do it all the time. I patted the back instead of picking up. I taught the little bug to self-soothe. (I actually followed the advice on sleeping in a book called Babywise, and had a baby that slept through the night at 13 weeks. This. Helps.)

Finally, get help. As with you, writing pays my bills. It may seem counterintuitive to pay someone in order to make money, but you can’t look at it as a dollar-for-dollar tradeoff. The intangible benefits are long-term and far-reaching. It’s a way to have it all.

I had a nanny come in for 4-5 hours a day and stay in the home with me and the baby. I locked myself in my bedroom, sans internet, and got my work done. If I was needed, I went out or took breaks by kissing on my baby. It allowed me to stay home, know the baby was safe, and still get my work done.

This will also give your wife time to nap or shower or exit the home – go to the bookstore and have a cup of coffee (the highest luxury for me at the time) and generally feel like a real person again. It’s good for all of you.

Of course, you’ll feel guilty about hiring someone to help, but you’re a parent now. Guilt is built into the job description. But the time for fatigue and feeding and deadlines will pass and there will be another challenge, and you’ll meet it in only the way your unique family can. Just breathe. Sleep when the baby sleeps.

And get some help.

Photos. Take millions of photos. If you have a shitty camera, go spring on a nice one. Even at 8 mos. out I have a hard time remembering those first few weeks & love seeing the photos of me all bleary-eyed & my son ruling the world… And seriously — enjoy it. Babies aren’t as fragile as people think, and getting to watch them figure out the world is one of the coolest experiences I’ve ever had. The writing will come – once jr.’s on a regular 2-3 naps a day, (which WILL take a while) naptime is excellent writing time. Have fun (and I do mean that in the nicest, most sincere way.)

1. Soldier through, but try to enjoy the little moments.

2. You two are completely equipped to raise this child to adulthood just by following your instincts. Don’t panic and think you’re doing it wrong.

3. Things change almost hour to hour at this age. If you catch yourself thinking “I can’t love the rest of my life like this!!” Stop and know it gets better–probably within the week. You cam live with it fir another day or two.

4. If you can take a break from writing without compromising your income, do it. Take the pressure off, even if it’s just for a few days. If not, find a place with free wi-fi and get out of the house for a couple of hours a day, so you can focus. Also, see #3.

5. It gets better <– your new mantra

You can do this. Trust yourself. And when your world comes back into focus, you'll feel like pinning a medal on your cheat for surviving. Take a nap instead.

1. All of the above.
2. Sleep when the baby sleeps, or you will never get any sleep.
3. Your life as as single, and couple, is over for about 30 years. Longer if you have more kids.
4. Forget perfection. Go for survival.
5. Your new mantra: nothing lasts forever.
6. Try to relax and enjoy the kid(s). Pay attention. Their childhood will seem to last forever, but it will be over before you know it and they’ll be gone, off on their own lives.
At this point , you will have somehow, without noticing it, grown old.
7. Therefore, keep up your physical exercise, eat healthy and take care of your self. When the kid(s) finally leave, you will have a life again, but you will have to be fit in order to have any fun.
8. Try to find something to enjoy in every day. You will have to be very flexible sometimes.
9. Be sure to get enough sleep, if you do NOTHING else in the day.
10. Good luck. Kid(s) will be the toughest, best thing that ever came into your life. : )

1) For these first few weeks, until his schedule settles, sleep when the baby sleeps. Don’t think, “Oh, he’s asleep, I can dust/do dishes/wash clothes/finally read a book.” Sleep, and then when he wakes up, do the necessary chores with him nearby so you can talk to him. He’ll be entertained, as so will you. And you’ll be secure in the knowledge that you’re modeling adult behavior *and* teaching language. “Ooh, look, daddy’s loading the dishwasher. Here’s a cup. Here’s a bowl. And here’s my sanity. They’ll all come out nice and shiny.”

2) In what seems like contrary advice, make sure the house isn’t too quiet while he sleeps. Get the kid used to sleeping through various noises early on, while sleep comes easily. You don’t want to be held hostage by a kid’s need for ABSOLUTE SILENCE for the next five years. I had neighbors who couldn’t do anything at all for 2 hours every afternoon. Not fun. Also, he’ll sleep more easily as an adult if you train him to tolerate noise now. Habituation. Good word.

3) Make sure that every time mom sits down to nurse, she has a cup of something (cool or warm, but never *hot*) to drink. Fluid out, fluid in. It will make things go better.

4) If you haven’t baby proofed, do it now. The little bug will be cracking childproof caps and sticking slobbery fingers in electrical outlets faster than you know. It’s easier to install locks and chains while they’re still immobilized. Crawl around on your hands and knees to see what he’ll see, and remember that everything goes in the mouth. Dog food. Dropped earrings. Computer dongles. Every. Thing.

5) If BabyPenMonkey gets colic, just remember that it ends. Most kids who get it have it from 3 weeks to 3 months. Both of ours stuck to that schedule so closely, it was like they read the manual in utero. Knowing this makes those few weeks bearable, even when you’re marching around the living room humming the Mickey Mouse Club song at 2 am. Seriously, it was the only thing that would settle Child1 at all. Marching. Mickey Mouse. Three hours worth one night. And I let him grow up AND had another one, because compared to the tough stuff, the good stuff is so damned wonderful.

Enjoy yourselves. All three of you.

Okay, now that I’ve got permission to stick my nose in, here goes:

1) I reiterate the earlier advice of sleep when the baby does, at least in the beginning when the naps are short. It will keep you from the meat-cleaving mad person you’ll feel like when the true sleep deprivation sets in. Once the baby sleeps more than four hours, then budget two hours to WRITE and two hours to do something else (sleep, clean, cry, etc.)

2) Since your missus is nursing, you as the spouse, need to make sure that she stays hydrated. That means water, gatorade, lemonade, fluids my friend because she’s the food supply for B Dub and the food supply needs nurients and hydration– just like all lovely flowers do. This will also help with building up a milk bank if she’s utilizing a breast pump.

3) Consider using a grocery delivery service like Peapod, if you don’t have a family member close who’ll shop for you. I know it’s nice to get out of the house, even if only to shuffle blearily down the cereal aisle, but if your wife is anything like me, then she’ll be a nervous wreck trying to get the shopping done while worrying about whether or not her boobs are going to have an accident when some other kid starts to cry. PLUS, I was such a nutcase that my oldest didn’t see the inside of a grocery store until he was a year old. Some crazy documentary targeting the pregnant and looney, made me think he’d get the plague from all the other germ-ridden folk ambling through the Kroger. And I needed that shit like I needed another hole in my head. Back to my point (ha!), the delivery service will shop as specifically as you want and that’s another hour to yourself to shower or WRITE, as it were.

4) Do consider a schedule for the baby. They like routine and won’t be flexible like a drinking buddy until they’re much older, like 3. So if your friends want you to have lunch with them and it conflicts with mid day nap time, then politely decline or do a work around.

5) Both parents should provide a tee shirt that smells like you, so the baby can sleep with your smell close by. It comforts them and believe me, you want your little tyrant comforted and asleep.

I’m sure I’ve taken up enough space for two people with my suggestions but I hope they’re helpful. Good luck and remember, it gets easier.

Ooh, almost forgot one. After about 3 weeks, once he’s really good at breast feeding, start giving the kid a bottle once a day. Fill it with breast milk, of course, but the idea is to get him used to a bottle so that if there’s some emergency and mom and her handy breasts aren’t there, he can still eat without major trauma. (It’s that habituation thing again). Works best initially if mom is gone, as in completely out of the house, and baby is nicely hungry so he’s willing to try something different. This gives all of you something wonderful. Mom gets a daily break. Dad gets to feed BPM all by himself. And baby gets the extra Daddy time and a new skill set.

You’re seeing trends in the comments because most of us learned the hard way how to survive the infant times (such as sleep when he does).

My 2 bits: folks who give advice (or write a book about it) should, but won’t, add the disclaimer: this is what worked for me. I have 3 kids and what worked for 1 did not necessarily make the balm of Gilead for the next, let me tell you. So if cosleeping gets you through to a better time, do it. Likewise crying it out. It’s your path…do what feels right for the three of you.

The only thing I’d do different? Take sleeping shifts. My husband was a well-rested man thru each baby. Me, not so much. Which made my PPD much, much worse. I wish I could have “shared” my babies more easily in the early days.

As for writing, the pockets of time will become more consistent and bigger. Try to be patient with it…even tho they are short bursts, they will amount to lots of word count!

Don’t like giving folks advice on how to raise their kids. Like you say, I didn’t like it. But, as you’ve asked…
What helped us out a *lot*, was getting them into a routine. Like forcing it. Kids love routine. They don’t know it, but they do. Then again, my brother’s kids are almost feral.
Think we used a book called “the contented little baby” or something similar. Written by an ex-nanny. The routine is fairly brutal, Baby up and feeding by this o’clock, winded and down for a nap at such n such. Real strict. Hardest part was controlled crying. Want to feel like the biggest wanker on the face of the planet, try that. It does the job though. Well so far anyway.
Best of luck.

Everybody already gave you wonderful parenting advice. Read it, follow it, live it…it will make life easier and allow you both to sleep. My advice for writing only works if you are not the kind of guy who needs eight hours a night. I survived the first two years by staying up two hours later than the household and getting up two hours earlier. My husband, who is a hero by the way, did almost all the middle of the night stuff while I slept my 4-5 hours. It helped that our son had dad’s sleep habits – but it works. The sacrifice is that you have to give up naptime in the daytime and let mom have those. That way you each get a few hours of uninterrupted rest. Sleep deprivation becomes normal after a while….remember your twenties? This is harder but more fun.

Take what works, ignore the rest.

This fucker here
http://www.amazon.com/Contented-Little-Baby-Confident-Parenting/dp/0451202430/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1306772351&sr=8-1

#1 – Have a schedule. Yes, the baby will fuck it up anyway he can, but still. Keep feedings on a schedule as best you can. Don’t shove a bottle in his mouth to make him stop crying. Wait the 4 hours you’re supposed to otherwise it will never stop. Seriously, he’ll be five and begging for food every 10 minutes. You must control it.

#2 – Take turns. Yes you want to help your wife. Yes you both want to spend time with him, but you have to make a tag-team effort. You take a shift and let her sleep. She’ll take a shift and let you sleep (or penmonkey). If you both do everything, you’ll both never sleep again. Like ever.

#3 – Sleepy time bath soap from Johnson and Johnson really works. Use it.

#4 – Get outside. The kid will love it. He’ll be fascinated by all the colors and sounds and movement and you’ll feel better for all the fresh air. The overwhelming power of baby scents need to get cleared out of your brain for you to be productive. Sit on the porch. Walk around the block. If it’s too cold/hot/whatever, go to a museum. Seriously. Get out of the house and not to store, Target, or Babies R Us.

#5 – The Boppy pillow is your friend. It snuggles the baby and makes him think he’s being held. It’s a lifesaver.

You might also invest in a tape recorder (or perhaps an iPhone app?) that you can dictate into while you’re dealing with the kid. You can use the baby voice while you’re telling him stories of mayhem and murder. Kids don’t respond to words at that age, just tones. Then, when you have some time later in the evening, or during your appointed “shift off” when Michelle is handling baby duty, transcribe it.

Lots of good advice up there. I scrolled through like the last half because I didn’t notice one thing that should, imo, have been said.

I’ve got two kids. The first one’s father was never around. The second one? Yeah, her dad is overseas right now. They’re 6 years and 18 months. The 18 month old had colic and I never slept. I’ve been single mom without being single. Love and cherish your son, yes. But get a sitter. Family, friend, someone who can handle infants.

1) Go out with your wife one night a week. Remember what it is to be an adult. Make her feel sexy. Mom and sexy are not usually hand in hand, and she probably feels like a slug about now. Its taken me six years to learn that I can still be sexy and have kids.

2) Get that sitter into a contract for two nights a week. The second night, you and your wife go out again, but not together. Let her do what she wants and you go write. One hour is precious. Procrastination isn’t in your vocabulary any more.

Best of luck to you both

I do not have a kid, I am not a parent, but I have worked in the restaurant industry for a Very Long Time, so I figured I’d stick my nose in here, too.

When you’re finally ready to take Mr. B-Dub out on the town – maybe you don’t have a sitter or Michelle Really Needs Sushi Oh My or Else, whatever the case, you are going to need a place to put the carseat. The floor is probably uncomfortable and it doesn’t sit quite right on the chair, does it?

So grab one of those wooden high chairs that you can strap kids into if they can sit up on their own…and flip it upside down.

Once it’s upside down, the carseat will sit nicely on top of the rails used to brace the two sides of the high chair together, and you can keep an eye on the little one and reach over to poke him or feed him or whatever else needs doing.

Figured I’d pass this one along because a new mom came in the restaurant I work in just the other day and was having a hell of a time figuring out where to put her car seat. It was like I changed her world when I flipped that high chair upside down. So I figured you might not know, too. And now you do.

He isn’t as fragile as he appears. Don’t give up on your writing for thirty years or whatever. That’s shitty advice, especially since your asking for help with that specific thing. The first weeks are going to be hard. There’s no way around the fact that they will be hard. But your little monkey needs to learn how to survive in your household as much as he needs to learn how to survive in the whole world. Your household needs you to write, so he needs to adapt to you writing. I have no advice for that. What I have is some experiments you may try. (It’s all experiments, really. Each baby is different. Each parent is different. There’s no ‘right’ way to do it. The only wrong way is the way that doesn’t work or sends you to jail for child abuse.)

*Type standing up with the baby strapped to you. The rocking movement of you standing and the swaddle will help him feel better. Plus, I’m hearing more and more that standing while typing/working is better for you too! (You can do some light housework this way too.)

*Swings or bouncy thingies.

*Swaddling. Seriously. Check out a website, do it right, it works with babies. Horses. Mentally retarded people. Me. Swaddling is awesome. Don’t hesitate or feel bad about it. Its good for baby. Makes him feel safe.

*Music and reading aloud. Hell, read your edits to baby. He’ll thank you, and since he doesn’t know what ‘fuck’ means yet, no worries about his development. I think a few people mentioned don’t let him get used to absolute silence. Totally right on for me with my kids.

*Sleeping-in. That’s how we ultimently ended up getting sleep for the first year of both kids. Real sleep. Good sleep. Tit-in-mouth sleeping in saved my sanity. YMMV

*You can write, you will write. The three of you just need to get used to each other. Women work with babies in the house every day all the time all over the world. Your no different because your a dude. If you need moral support, help, whatever, email people. Get support. You’re not alone. (I usually give this advice to new moms, since their at risk for PPD, but hell, it applies to you too.)

If one of them is willing and you can stand it, ask one of your parents (or some other relative) to come and stay with you for a week or so to help out with the baby. Having that third pair of hands to help with the baby is enormously helpful. My mother did this for all of her grandchildren and it made a big difference.

Not a lot to add for infant-specific critter care data; the above folks have it pretty much covered. However, when it comes to product recommendation, the Kozy Carrier was wicked handy. We got one about 8 years ago, for our monkey, and it was ridiculously easy to use and the kid loved it. Helluva lot easier to wrangle than a stroller, too.

http://kozycarrier.homestead.com/welcome.html

A’course, they were cheaper then, too. If’n you’ve got crafty friends, there’re a bunch of similar patterns around. it’s based off this old Chinese mei tai thing.

I’m sure you have a couple of friends or family folks who would love to help you out. Don’t be afraid to take them up on it.

As for sleeping, did you know giraffes sleep (on average) less than 2 hours per 24? There are ways that you can sleep less and be more effective, and there are stringent methods to help with this. Look up the “siesta” method, “everyman” method, and the “Uberman” method. It may be a little extreme, but maybe not. http://www.supermemo.com/articles/polyphasic.htm (can also read more about it in Tim Ferris’s book 4-hour body)

Well, if writing is your job, and you need it not only to feed your creativity but to also, you know, feed your family and put a roof over their heads, then you treat it like a job. You GO TO WORK. You set aside hours in the day that are your Office Hours and you leave it all behind. People have been doing it since the dawn of time. They just had to leave the house. Not anymore. If that doesn’t work then LEAVE THE HOUSE.

Find cheap and flexible childcare.

But maybe, well, maybe you need to allow yourself some Maternity Leave. Allow yourself a month or two–if you can afford it (damn self employment not supplying paid leave) and just BE A FATHER. Yeah? Just think of all the plots formulating, all the gooey icky blog posts percolating.

How’s the childcare at your local gym? I pay $90 a month for my membership, and get 2 hours of childcare every day for all three of my kids. I’ve done a bunch of writing at the gym. Locally, we have Lifetime (starts taking babies at 3 months) and the YMCA (takes ‘em at 6 weeks), and both have good programs – especially if you go at non-peak hours when there are fewer babies.

LOL, what everybody else said. To which I can only add, don’t make nighttime feeds fun or exciting or interesting. No matter how adorable he is, no matter how engaging he is, no matter how sure you are he’s gazing deeply into your soul and is really, truly smiling and laughing at your monkey faces, not just belching like other people’s less brilliant babies are known to do. My BIL took the 2 a.m. feeding with his first son and made it a party because he was so happy to have the baby all to himself after being at work all day, etc. Guess who quickly developed the habit of popping awake at 2 a.m. and holding the entire household hostage until he got disco moves and pantomime with his bottle? Who knew such tiny lungs could make such loud noises?

Yeah, I know I”m guilty of sharing baby advice. But I do it because you’re an awesome guy and I just want to help out. I mean, I have some experiences that some people don’t have out there, and it’s like knowing the cheat code to turn on the blood in the Sega GEnesis version of Mortal Kombat: Some day, YOU’LL NEED TO KNOW HOW TO TURN IT ON!

My own writing has gone sporadic this past year thanks to the kids. They aren’t mine, but I”ve fallen in love with them and I want to help them out as much as they can especially since their parents are going through a rough patch in their relationship. But somedays I have to stay up until 2 A M then get up at 6 AM for work. I sit at my monitor at work typing in endless amounts of shipping info just so that I can go home, possibly pick up those two, and try to force feed one of them vegetables while feeding the other a bottle.

You’re going to do alright. You have lots of friends who are willing to help you. And above all else, you’ll find a new sort of comradery with any other father out there you meet.

P.S. Remember what I said about storing an emergency change of clothes for the kid in your car? We had to use ours the other day. It’s handy!
P.P.S. Baby proofing only really works until they’re 1.5 years old.

I think you’ll find that ignoring the idiots will help immensely (not that the above commenters are, by the way), just because they are, by trade, idiots. Also, you are a rockstar. Never forget. Follow your instincts and don’t sweat whether or not you’re doing okay, all you’re experiencing is what all other parents go through, for me it has been 4 times. No wonder I make up people and kill them.

The first 3 months is a crapshoot. go with it, and go easy on yourself.

reead askmoxie.com. She will keep you sane. Any nursing issues or questions, check kellymom.com.

Remember the wise words from a commenter on moxie’s site: You and your spouse are on one side of the line. The Problem (whatever it is) is on the other. Fight it together; don’t fight each other.

Sleep in shifts. Parent in shifts. Don’t fall into the trap of thinking the other person is eating bonbons and playing video games while you do the hardest thing you’ve ever done, bar none. You’re both overtaxed and exhausted. (Although generally in the first year, the mom has it harder. Worship her.) Be patient; you will get your marriage back if you believe you will. It will be different, but you will get it back.

Humans can stand an amazing amount of sleep deprivation. I didn’t sleep through the night for 3 years, and I survived. You will do what you have to do, and you will be fine.

When you hit the wall, it’s OK to throw the baby at your partner and go hide in the bathroom to cry/scream/drink/read trash novels until you’re sane. But don’t push it beyond 30 minutes.

Smart babies sleep less and demand more from you than those long-napping, staring-vacantly-into-space Potato Babies everyone else has. It’s OK to tell yourself this to make it through the first months when you think you’re gonna die from physical exhaustion, or the first 5 years when you think you’re gonna die from the kid’s intense need for witty conversation.

Strap the kid to you (if he likes that) and dance to silly music. Or walk aimlessly around the neighborhood and narrate what you see, make silly noises, whatever. Have no shame.

Leave the house every day.

Assume that if it sounds like the kid is saying something, he’s saying it. Can’t hurt to reward attempts at communication.

Writing: It can be done. My husband wrote 2 books in the kid’s first three years. Me? I wrote like 20% of one book in five years. But then I WAS THE ONE MAKING A PERSON. Ahem. it’s also his day job. Now the kid is in school and I’m writing again – struggling but doing it.

You will do what needs to be done. be strong.

I gotta tell you, some incredible advice in here.

Some occasionally depressing tidbits, but on the whole, lovely and optimistic.

Thanks, folks. I have already waved these at the wife, and we both appreciate the goodness that has come our way.

– c.

When my second daughter was born, I was on staff writing for Perplex City. She was born on a Thursday. I was turning in new content on Monday. I did not take maternity leave, and she was not in daycare for those first few months.

So how did I do it?

1. Nursing time=working time. A newborn is always eating. With a Boppy pillow and a cunning arrangement of pillows, I could type while holding the baby. She didn’t mind that I wasn’t gazing soulfully into her eyes the whole time, and I hit my deadlines. Win-win. Likewise, you can be slamming down words while your wife is nursing. It’s not like she needs you to watch her, you know?

2. Co-sleeping. I fell into it out of desperation, but it turned out to be the only way I got through those first few weeks. With, again, a cunning arrangement of pillows to lean back on and stabilize my elbows and that Boppy, I found a way to hold the baby securely while nursing with no chance of dropping her. I was kind of sleeping sitting up, but it was at least better than not sleeping at all. Obviously I removed fluffy comforters and potentially suffocating garments from anywhere near the baby, and slowly migrated to a bedside co-sleeper and then a crib and then her own room over the course of a year. It worked for me. People commented frequently I was the most well-rested parent of a newborn they’d ever seen.

3. Ignore the baby when you are on duty. I mean, not completely, but sometimes the baby will be crying, and you won’t really be sure why. It is OK, even at those times, to put the baby down, go to the bathroom, fix yourself a quick sandwich, and THEN get back to working out how to soothe the baby. That four minutes will do a ton for your sanity and no lasting harm to the baby. As they say on airplanes: You have to take care of yourself before you can take care of anyone else.

4. Ignore the baby and your wife when you are not on duty. You’re going to have to chisel out time dedicated to working, an inviolate period of income-earning. Lucky for you babies thrive on schedules, so once you have a good routine, all you have to do is stick to it. A lot of people do this by, you know, going to an office. You might need to do this by putting on headphones and closing a door. It will be hard, because you have put all of this mental energy into making a baby and you will want to hang out with the baby, and you know what hard work it is to watch the baby by yourself so you’ll feel bad for your wife. Don’t be distracted. When you are on-duty, the kid should go into the same mental compartment as Facebook, the Xbox, and porn: Things that do not put words on the page. Beard the fuck on, Wendig.

5. Know that these first six weeks are the hardest. You’ll be OK before you know it.

Please do not allow the wife to pick up too much of the load. As she feels better, she may try to do this, but there’s a very real danger of her being overwhelmed. Don’t think “Yeah, I’m off the hook,” and duck out. I don’t think you would do that, but lots of guys do.

It comes back to bite in the butt terribly. There are many butt-bite variations.

@Andrea:

You are my fucking hero.

Awesome ideas. And way to go getting back into the writing game. I didn’t do much for writing this week. Blog posts and some thousand words on the novel, but that’s it. I knew this going on, which is why I’m all-clear on deadlines, but even still.

It eats at me.

I look forward to urging back into the work.

– c.

@Darlene:

I of course have no intention of ducking out. I’m there to pick up the slack at any point needed and take over accordingly. That said, I do have to — like, seriously, have to — carve out time for work, and so treating it like a job (which it is) is critical, now more than ever.

– c.

*Lots* of good stuff here, Chuck. Lots.

Look, from one new dad to the next (mine is sixteen months old — in a couple of days), here’s the best thing I can tell you: wing it.

I know, I know. You’re looking for input, for guidance. Help, for God’s sake. Don’t get me wrong, it’s all great stuff. But it’s sort of like the guy on the radio in the tower and you’re at the controls of the plane. And you’ve never flown (but you’ve seen lots of movies with planes!). Hey, the radio guy is helpful. You *need* the radio guy. But the radio guy ain’t gonna get that plane on the ground with all the passengers in tact.

The plane, you know, is the kid. The passengers are… him going to college? Fuck. I knew I’d fuck this up.

Anyway, the best advice I ever heard is a version of this: just cruise. Which is a hipster way of saying be cool, be flexible, take it easy, and understand that whatever rhythm or groove or schedule you think you’re going to get into now, forget about it. It’ll change in a few weeks, if not a few days.

That’s the big picture from the life equivalent of the guy who said, “I picked a bad week to quit sniffing glue.”

The personal advice — because I like you, Chuck — is to have fun. I know. It’s corny, I it just about causes me physical pain to write that. But Lord Almighty, have fun. Enjoy it. The little shits are an awful lot of fun.

To echo what someone else said: GO [THE FUCK] TO WORK. Treat your writing as a 9-to-5 office job. Kiss your wife & son bye and make the 6-second commute to your writing lair every morning.

Join your family on your 30-minute “lunch break,” and then get back to pounding those damn keys in your office.

Keep your crap comin’! I am a big fan and want to keep reading your output.

By the way, I have two little boy monkeys, ages 3 and 5. I know what you’re going through, man!

Even though I worked outside of the home, I helped my wife a lot throughout each night. We eventually started caring for the little guys in shifts. I was always tired the next day, but it was worth it.

I don’t have kids but I here’s my 2 yen to help squeeze in a bit more writing:

1.Use a voice recorder to help write
2.Keep a small notepad and pen on you at all times, something very cheap you don’t mind spilling stuff on. Keep it in your back pocket, write down ideas. Date each page.
3.Turn on music for the baby when he sleeps. Doesn’t have to even be kids stuff (it saves money!) I plan to play Daft Punk and Red Hot Chili Peppers for my kid. My parents played ACDC and I didn’t pay attention to the lyrics until I was like 11.
4.If your family/friends offer to help, take them up on the offer to stay over for a few hours to watch the kid while you and your wife can get other things done (or sleep)
5.If your wife is showing any signs of postpartum depression, do take her in to see someone ASAP. I hear after the big “congratulatory” phase is done with friends and they start to leave you guys alone to do your thing, it can get really lonely.
6.Shower friendly markers. Get them, so you can write on the tiles while you take your shower.
7.Stick up a white board in the baby’s room for another place to squeeze in a bit more writing opportunity in.
8.Keep a notepad by your bedside table as well. Try and do all the brainstorming and thinking beforehand so when you sit down to pump it out, you’ll be writing like your face is on fire.

Thats all I really have at the moment. I hope it helps.

My ovaries exploded in a yolky mess reading this advice. Thanks for the surgery-free sterilization, friends of Chuck Wendig.

In another couple of weeks I officially cross the line into ‘mother of a teenage son’ territory (scary thought) but here’s a couple of unconventional things that worked for me when he was little.

1) The Long Word Game: This was a soothing strategy I made up to stop myself dieing of boredom. Conventional wisdom has it that to calm a baby down you’re supposed to talk to him/her in simple sentences and say comforting things, what I did instead was just list as many polysyllabic words as I could think of, words like serendipity and mono-sodium glutamate, it gave my brain something to do and reassured me that my vocabulary wasn’t being shriveled into nothingness by motherhood and even better the kid loved it, and if not actually learning any of the words was at least getting a feel for what kind of sounds make up the language.

2) Avoid modern kids tv like the plague, I swear all those bite-sized segments actually shorten kids attention spans, classic kids programs are better as they tend to have longer, more involved stories or just stick the kid in front of something intended for adults, I mean sure avoid stuff with explicit sex and violence but complicated political intrigue that a child has no chance of following? go for it, from a kids point of view the whole world is made up of things they don’t understand, one thing more or less isn’t going to bother them. I have to admit I did this because I couldn’t stand the forced cheeriness of kids tv, but it paid me back big time, at the age of maybe four years my son sat through the whole of Fellowship of the Rings (extended dvd version) absolutely rapt, you can get a lot done during a film that length.

3) Foreign language films are a godsend, this may not work for anyone else, but I found that my son would try and pay attention for a while, realize that nothing made sense and fall asleep. Didn’t keep working for more than a couple of years because he wised up, but while it worked it was like magic.

Anyway, results not guaranteed, take advice with truckload of salt, etc. Good luck.

My best freind is in your same situation, only … She has a triplet!!! It’s a fucking nightmare, think having 3 like your son in the house! She says that shifts work and, also, when hey really don’t sleep, she put them on the washing machine while it’s working. Apparently the vibrations do the job and the little monsters instantly fall inot Morpheus’ arms

My biggest concern after my first kid was born was how I would be able to write, because that’s the kind of guy I am. So here’s a few things that can help make that happen.

1) Right now and for the first week or so, just worry about consistently writing. Don’t give yourself ridiculous word goals or anything. There were days i was happy to write 17 words. Really.

2) My wife breast fed and that’s when I got the bulk of my writing done. She usually fell asleep, the baby would fall asleep, and I’d get between 30-60 minutes where I didn’t feel like an asshole for not doing anything

3) Get a Snugli. I would put Spenser in it and then put my laptop on the kitchen counter and stand and write. I could get an hour or more done like that. It’s heel on the back after a while, but so is most of my time writing in a chair too.

Well, right, what you have to do is get him to associate a word with the elimination, saying it at the time you notice the elimination, then after a short time it should trigger the elimination. I’m a fan of the word ‘quickies’ myself, as shouting ‘dear god will you please take a shit it is raining’ rather embarrassing down the park. Oh no, hang on. That’s dogs.
Um. Babies. My friends found that teaching their offspring the sign language for ‘nappy’, ‘milk’, ‘more’ and ‘finished’ helped tremendously cut down the frustrated crying (theirs, mainly) and the kid could understand and form the signs much earlier than they thought they would. That, and holding the kid upside down to help with colic. That’s kid face down along adult’s forearm, not hanging by the heels. Also helpful for getting vomit on your carpet/shoes/dog, not your face. Bon chance.

Best advice? Shift work and lower your standards. Sorry. I used to be anal about the entire house being spotless. Now? I am happy if there is a trail I can walk without detonating a toy that talks, chirps and sings until you want to rip out the batteries with your teeth.

You will get used to it. It’s like being in battle. Soon the sounds of shelling and falling plaster don’t bother you as badly .

I respectfully disagree with the suggestions to use formula and bottles. Formula does not make babies sleep longer. To heck with the anecdotes. Some babies sleep through the night early and some don’t. Formua doesn’t make a difference. Both of my kddos were exclusively breastfed. My daughter didn’t sleep through the night until she was 2 or 3 years (okay…that might be a little exaggeration…but not much). My son, started sleeping through pretty early. Neither had any formula.

It sounds sweet and equitable to say, give a bottle of formula or pump some milk so that mom can sleep better at night but…then someone has to get up and get the bottle. If Dad manages to wake up before Mom, super. Otherwise, it’s probably Mom that wakes up first because moms have that sixth-omigosh-did-the-baby-just-snuffle-sense. She’s probably going to wake up anyway. Popping the boob in the babies mouth is loads easier than either pumping or mixing formula.

Cosleeping: I did it. It’s not all fairies and dandelion fluff but it can get you more sleep. No freaking out in the middle of the night when the baby actually does sleep through and you (actually, probably Mom) wakes up and goes “Oh my sweet soaking diapers! Is the baby still alive!!!!. Baby is right there. Plus, babies and cosleeping parents can sync their sleep cycles so that those middle of the night wakings are not quite so disruptive. And, once Mom learns to breastfeed laying down…it’s mostly fairies and dandelion fluff. Seriously, sometimes baby finds the nipple all by himself. I don’t think any of us would have lived through the newborn days if we hadn’t coslept. Of course, some kiddos take longer to transition out of Mom and Dad’s bed than others. It’s a bit of a crap shoot. To me, it was worth the sleep in the beginning.

Elimination Communication: Time consuming but it totally rocks. Having far fewer diapers to change and kiddo that is potty trained long before two is well worth the time and effort. However, it does take a lot of commitment.

Little babies are extreamely portable. Strap the babe into a sling or mei tai and go anywhere. You can write with baby snuggled up close against your body. You can take a walk, get stuff done around the house, whatever. Soft baby carrier is a must have, in my opinion.

Baby Sign Language is the bomb. It’s a little early for that now, but it can work wonders later on. My daughter didn’t say more than 3 words before she was 2. She did use a lot of baby signs (and no, she didn’t not talk because of the signing…my son signed and still talked early). The signs were immensely helpful in keeping tantrums at bay. Once she hit 2, she started talking in sentences, then paragraphs and she still hasn’t stopped. LOL.

Nothing lasts forever. The newborn period feels like it’ll last forever but it goes by quick. Try to enjoy as much of every stage as you can. They’re never repeated. And each child is different. Plus, it does get a lot more challenging when they are mobile and then again when they can argue with you. LOL. Hang in there.

I will preface this by first saying I don’t have a baby, yet. I’m pregnant now with my first. My friend gave birth to her first baby a few months ago and she recommended I watch a video by Dr. Harvey Karp. He shows how to get your infant to stop crying in about 30 seconds. It’s magic. We tried it with my friend’s baby and it works! (I thought it would be complete bullshit, so I was pleasantly surprised.) Anyway, check out the link:
http://www.babyslumber.com/happiestbaby.html At the bottom of the article is a link to his dvd.

1) Establish good sleep habits from day one. If you let him hang out sleeping in your bed now, he will be there until he is 21.

2) Potatoes, pots & pans, and cardboard boxes are their favorite toys for the first two years so skip the fancy crap and start a college fund.

3) Trust yourself. We all grow up in spite of our parents, not because of them.

All the best.

I love your honesty about the experience…it really is fun to read. And cackle at, because we’ve all been there, done that.

Advice:

1. Expectations/goals for yourselves and baby — you wrote them on toilet paper, right? Because that’s the only way they’re gonna be useful — when you wipe your ass with them. You have to relax and as some others have said, lower your standards. Putting unnecessary pressure on yourselves isn’t gonna make anyone happy. And yes, even keeping the house clean is unnecessary pressure. Really, the standard of living drops sharply after kids.

2. Breastfeeding is super hard. Ask for help. Put the kid to the breast often. And don’t listen to your doctor. Most of them are clueless about the actual process/mechanics and would find it easier to help you if you gave your kid formula. Sometimes formula is necessary but not as often as it’s being recommended. The number of women who can’t produce milk is insanely low — it’s actually technique that causes the problem and makes the doctor think you don’t have enough. Find a local http://www.lllusa.org/ and get wifey to go to a meeting. She’ll meet other mother’s and get support even if she isn’t having trouble.

3. Find other ways to write. Shorthand note taking, voice recorder, put baby in carrier/sling: http://www.funkyslings.com/index.php?cPath=9&main_page=index while you write.

4. Postpartum depression — it’s real, it happens. Sepia 200c, a homeopathic remedy, literally saved my life. It started working within days and I started to feel more like myself. Your wife may not feel it now (or she might) — but the real depression seems to creep up when no one is paying attention. http://pipermartin.wordpress.com/2009/07/17/homeopathic-remedies-for-postpartum-depression/ You can buy it here: http://www.amazon.co.uk/Sepia-200C-Homeopathic-Tablets-125/dp/B0036V0EGU

5. Nothing lasts forever. Even the bad stuff. It might feel that way but babies are changing week to week. What he likes/hates/cries for this week will be different next week. You have to roll with the punches and believe (even when it’s hard to) that a month from now your outlook and baby will have changed.

Bottom line — reach out for help and don’t stress yourselves out. It looks like you have a lot of supportive people who follow your blog — if you’re having some problems, let someone know!

You will sleep again. I promise. Good luck and happy parenting.

You can always was your hands.

I have found that it’s helpful to have “baby stations” all over the house, which consist of boxes filled with several nappies (that diapers to you, Chuck), plastic changing mats, wipes, spit up rags (for the baby, not you), hand sanitizer and preferably a small bottle of whatever alcoholic spirit floats your boats secreted away inside.

I’ve also discovered that I have to write when baby is asleep, no matter what time that is and work all other tasks in around that. This involves doing household chores at weird times of day. Just today I cleaned the bath tub at 10. 50 pm, and after giving her a feed at 5 am I put a load of washing on before I went back to bed for an hour or so.

The iPhone has also been a godsend because I can sit and check emails, twitter, blogs etc on it while attempting to placate or feed a screaming baby and can jot down notes with one hand. The Qwerty keyboard – worst invention ever. Someone needs to invent a keyboard that can easily be typed upon with just one hand, preferably the right.

Ooh, I forgot — I also write with her snuggled against my chest and the laptop on my knees all the time, as, like you, writing is my livelihood. This works well on days when she will sleep, and doesn’t work at all on other days. It also leaves me with crippling guilt that she’ll get a brain tumor from the wireless broadband, but it’s the only way to get some work done some days. Now that she is 8 weeks, she is sleeping longer and being a bit more independent, which is nice. I’m finding I have longer blocks of time to write, say 4 hours instead of 1.5 hours. Plus she’s started sleeping through! Hoo-RAY.

About the 5 week mark was the hardest for me. Just as I hit the wall and thought I’d never be the same again, never get a nights’ sleep again, never *well you know* again, never write again, she changed, it changed and all for the better. She is now easier to manage and actually does stuff to amuse herself, like kicking at her play gym, jamming her thumb into her mouth (eye/face/nose – not so coordinated yet), trying to grab the cat, babbling etc. They tell me it’s all easier from here on in and I have to say, I hope it is, for your sake and mine!

ANyone suggest the taking a birthday picture every year with child displaying (no pushpins, please) last year’s picture. You end up like Dutch Cleanser. Similarly: take some video every year. Combine into a CD for child’s 18th birthday. Suggest for first couple years, do every month. Also, for Ghod’s sake, write down all allergies, illnesses, and trips to doctor, or you end up trying to remind ex of the time you spent Palm Sunday in the emergency room at children’s hospital (he did not have appendicitis, thank heaven). But it all disappears. Document it.

Schedule schedule schedule. Our son slept 8 hours in 8 weeks. Our daughter (smaller, finiky eater) slept 8 hours in 10 weeks. Feed every 4 hours and set that baby down for regular naps in a bed, not on you, even with some crying. Let him learn to fall asleep on his own, which will involve a little crying. You’ll be happy you did.

[...] Chuck Wendig did another brilliant post on his new baby, and I couldn’t resist reposting it below (remember, his blog is often MA). The original is here. [...]

Bacon does make everything better, doesn’t it? Your 25 things re storytelling list, so damn wonderful, thank you. Here are a few small tips I can share re kids:

That first year a blur, so only general feedback: get sleep and be kind, to monkey and spouse and yourself.

Some specific stuff: for increasing milk, fenugreek; for teething, Hyland’s Teething Tablets.

Two must-have book series, and they make great presents: Bing Bunny, can start at first birthday: Piggy and Elephant, starting around three, those will become first readers. Best coloring books are from Taro Gomi.

And savvy gained from pooch, can be applied, but not as obviously as I did, in store, monkey racing around corner, me erupting, without thinking, voice two octaves lower and loud, “STAY.” Egads, poor kid. But it worked. All in all, the alpha stuff you learned with pooch, works here as well. And, so far, kid as happy and healthy and exuberant as pooch, so it’s all good.

Talk through whatever you’re doing with the child, whenever you can, locate the child in the universe, be kind, say hello. Give kid as many choices as possible, whenever possible, will make the moments without choice easier. And they grow faster then you can imagine, so always remind yourself, they can do more than you imagine, and let them do everything they possibly can themselves.

Happy, healthy monkey! So wonderful. Congratulations!

Man, if you did some kind of wordart trending thing, I think “sleep” would be the largest word in the pile. My seven year old is now up three hours past what I’d like to think is her bedtime, dressed in panties and a blanket, spraying ink’d pictures she made (with the spraybottle I told her she could use to “cool off”) since she discovered it works kind of like watercolor. It’s hot – I’m about to toss her in the shower with me so she can sleep, but I’m not stressing it. It’s summer. We’ll get her back on schedule later on, when we’ve acclimated a little more.

The joke’s been that you can tell the first time parent from the multiple time parent by the size of the diaper bag. It’s true enough – I’d had enough exposure to kids to be happy with a spare nappy in the back pocket of my jeans, and a “just-add-water” bottle (nursing didn’t work for me – we’d tried for months, but no go – having a readily available breast would have been just as nice.) They eat, they sleep, they poop. On one hand they’re not that complicated.

On the other hand, they’re tiny human beings and you’re suddenly at least partially responsible for creating all the background (and the neuroses, useful and harmful) that will help design their future. If you obsess, you’re just going to stress. Stay mellow.

Your number one goal is to help this tiny thing learn what he needs to learn in order to make good decisions when you’re not around. Anything you do to get in the way of that is “bad,” anything that helps that is “good.” That’s the measure we tend to use.

1) The kid picks up your cues. Small things, like the fact that I always roll my sleeves to the elbows. Both my little sisters and my son do this because they’ve watched me. It’s a little thing, but you’ll see it in your kid.

2) Say, “Yes,” whenever you can. Let him come sleep in the bed. You’re going to miss it when he decides he’s too “grown up.” Let him stay out a little later. Let him make a wrong decision or two that he’s going to have to clean up. You’re there to help, sure, but let him do it.

3) Make mistakes. Apologize and explain, but keep your backbone. “I made this decision because I was tired and frakkin’ cranky. It was the wrong decision, but don’t forget that you pushed it.”

4) Listen to the kid, not just your gut (although in doubt, stick with the latter.) If you think something is “off” keep a look at it. Don’t fret about fretting – you’re allowed. In fact, make sure you give yourself that allowance in everything – the instruction manual wasn’t made for your baby’s model, so you’re going to have to jury-rig and wing it. We’re tough and duct tape and baling wire’s just part of the package.

Finally, 5) a lot of people will tell you that you need consistency and discipline. I’m flipping them off right now. Life is all about adaptation. Teach your kid to feel out the natural social rules and adapt to what’s allowed in that situation. At home it’s OK to strip down and dance about not doing your homework. That’s not OK at school. It’s OK in front of my sister, but not in front of the maternal grandmother. They’ll try to take advantage of this – but you’re wily. Yes, my rule is that a popsicle doesn’t count as “dessert.” Dad has relented, but if we disagree, the answer is, “No,” until a good argument is made.

Oh, and it just gets better from here. Last night we discussed gravity, god, and good music. Really, the more you watch them grow into their being human, the sweeter it is.

I won’t bother repeating everything that people have already said – the only advice I’ll give you is Olive Oil. Seriously. After bub’s bath? Baste that baby like he’s a Sunday chicken. It’s better than any of the ‘specially made for baby’ crap they try and sell you at incredibly inflated prices, don’t have no chemical crap in and will make his wee skin soft and supple and so perfect you’ll be ragingly jealous.
Just be extra careful ‘cos it’ll make him slippier than a full-on slippy thing.