Six Signs You're Not Ready To Make A Living As A Professional Writer
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“I want to be a writer when I grow up.”
Sure you do, kid. Sure you do. I wanted to be an astronaut once upon a time, but then I realized, I’m afraid of outer space. Well, not so much “outer space” as the “space dragons that live in outer space.” Oh, I know. You’re saying, “Chuck, dragons do not live in outer space,” and to that, I scoff. Just because CNN isn’t talking about it doesn’t mean our astrophysicists don’t know the truth. Dragons hide behind moons. And they wait there for unsuspecting astronauts so they can plant their spiky dragon ovum into the moist orifices of our space-walking heroes. This is all true, don’t look at me like that.
Okay, one part of that isn’t true: I never wanted to be an astronaut. I pretty much wanted to be writer from like, eighth grade on. The point I’m illustrating here is that, were I to desire membership in the great fraternity of astronauts, I would be deemed UNFIT by a big red stamp on my Astronaut Application Papers. Reason: “Unready due to unreasonable fear of space dragons.”
Unreasonable. Uh-huh, NASA. Sure. *wink wink*
We both know what’s up.
Anyway, point is, you’re maybe sitting over there thinking it’s time to hike on the ol’ hip-waders and go slogging through the mire that is the life of the professional writer.
And I’m here to tell you that you might not be ready. You might earn a big red stamp — *fwomp* UNFIT — on your Authorial Acceptance Exam. Not sure if you’ve got what it takes to carry the pens? To churn and burn through barrels of ink? To march forth across the bleached and cracked earth with only your word count on your back?
Let’s check you out, then.
You See Yourself As King Of This Castle
It’s easy to feel like King Shit of Turd Castle when you’re a writer. You sit there in your impenetrable bubble of creativity, banging out masterpiece after masterpiece that nobody ever sees, a Muse in your own right, one of Hell’s own glorious maestros. (Or Heaven’s, but let’s be clear: we probably see ourselves more as diabolical geniuses than as the artificers of God’s own glory.) Time to lance that blister, Sugar-Boobs. Being a writer means lurking far lower on the totem pole than you’d prefer. I don’t mean that to be a good thing or a bad thing: it’s just a thing. A thing you can’t change except by getting better at what you do and earning respect. But even still, you are ever at the feet of clients, publishers, and editors. Check your ego — which has swollen in isolation, like e. coli on an agar plate — at the door.
I Still See That Glint Of Magic And Hope In Your Eye
At a distance, writing is a magical thing: it’s candy-floss made of God-stuff. It’s the weaving of tales, the singing of bard-songs, the creating of characters that will gain life like Frankenstein’s monster with a bolt of lightning shot from your own magnificent mind. A lot of things look nice at a distance. Hell, I flew over Detroit once, and I was like — “Aw, what a nice-looking city.” Once you get up close and personal with the writing life, though, the magic dies on the vine. You rip down the facade and find there a kind of abattoir, the floors thick with the chunky blood you’ve spilled in order to make a deadline. Somewhere you hear the sound of a saw chewing through bones punctuated by the hoarse wails of the broken and deranged.
You cannot maintain the illusion of writing being this precious act when you’re working to make a living wage. I mean, I guess you can if you’re Stephen King. But me? And you? This illusion is dismembered by the reaper’s scythe. Writing is a job. A wake-up-at-the-perineum-of-dawn-and-churn-out-a-fast-two-thousand-words job. The kind of job where, if you don’t write, you don’t get paid, and if you don’t get paid, you will die in a gutter wearing only that one pair of pants you own. (Who am I kidding? We do not wear pants.) If I can tell you a little secret, though, this, to me, is a kind of magic all its own. Er, not the dying pantsless thing, but the “writing as a job” thing. But it’s a real magic — or, rather, a science. And science is hella tits. (Do the kids say that? “Hella tits?” Spread that lingo for me, will you?)
You Still Suffer From Writer’s Block
Living the life of a professional writer will either a) remove your illusion that writer’s block is a real thing (it isn’t) or b) remove your ass from living the life of the professional writer. Writer’s block is not real. It’s just some fake-ass mental shit that writers made up (during the Grandiloquent Penmonkey Council of Dusseldorf in 1456) so they can excuse a day of not-writing. You get writer’s block, you don’t write, and you don’t write, you don’t get paid, and, well — see earlier comment, re: gutters, pants, death. You don’t hear about other professions suffering this kind of nonsense, do you? “I’ve got Spreadsheet Malaise.” “I suffer under the callous yoke of Engineer’s Ennui.” Writer’s block? Pfft. When your actual income depends on the words you produce, you get shut of that shit reaaaal quick, hoss. The only writer’s block that matters is the kind where a horse steps on both hands and breaks all your fingers. That’s all you get.
You Are A Uni-Tasker
Ever hear the term “biodiversity?” An ecosystem thrives when it has greater biodiversity, meaning, a greater variety of life forms. Diversity is also the king of investment: if you don’t have a diverse portfolio, then when that one stock you own goes down the poop-tubes, so does your fortune. Once the public learns that Bobo’s Hot Dog Hut uses cat meat to make its sausages, your stock in that company is done for, son. Life thrives with diversity. Financial portfolios depend on diversity.
The writer survives on diversity, too. If you do one thing really well — “I write snarky articles about Doctor Who!” — then good for you. Your blog appreciates it. But that way is not the way of the pro-writer’s life. You best be ready to write all kinds of shit you didn’t expect to write. Thou shalt not earn a steady living as a single-serving uni-tasker. I’ve written: pen-and-paper roleplaying games, video games, articles about video games, essays, transmedia projects, short stories, novels, films, ad and marketing copy, brochures, fantasy, sci-fi, horror, crime, and so on, and so forth. You need diversity in projects as well as diversity in clients. You will learn that, starting out, the word “YES” is more your friend than “NO.” That changes over time as you become more established, but early on, the word “no” might as well be, “no, I don’t want to eat this week, starvation is awesome.”
Linking Writing And Commerce Makes Your Butthole Itch
Writing is the act of putting words on paper. Professional writing is the act of
beating oneself about the head and neck with a tire ironputting words on paper for money. That last part is key: “for money.” Some writers, you bring up money and business in terms of being a writer, they twitch and spasm and make faces like you just jizzed in their milkshake. Pssh. Amateurs. These folks are the not-yet-ready-for-prime-time writers. You wanna go “pro,” you have to embrace what “pro” means — which is to say, this is your livelihood. Going pro means doing all kinds of things that go against that idea that writing is this lordly, artsy profession. It means attending to deadlines. It means reading and understanding contracts. It means pushing past the pain and learning how to create a spreadsheet that shows income, expenses, writing schedules, liters of Bourbon consumed, tears shed. It means knowing how to create and send invoices. There’s a whole seedy sub-layer to being a pro-writer that, for some reason, writers don’t want to deal with. Fuck that. That’s like owning a toilet and not knowing how to unclog it. Elves don’t come and handle it, for Chrissakes. This is your job. Keyword: job. Oh, and for the record, if you’re one of those fuck-hats who sneers whenever anyone puts “art” and “money” in the same sentence, do me a favor: take off your shoe, and smack yourself in the crotch again and again like you’re trying to kill a centipede.You Love Stability, Loathe Disorder
You know how some people make, like, $50,000 a year? And then next year, they make that again? And the year after, they make, I dunno, $52,000 a year? And that’s their life? And you know how these people get things like health care, vacations, 40-hour-work-weeks, and the respect of their families? Wad all those things up in a ball and feed them to a goat. Those are gone. Done. Kaput. Stability and certainty is not the life of the writer. Even a writer who writes full-time and gets all those benefits is more likely on the chopping block because writers are seen as expendable. (Never mind the fact that we write the world into existence. It’s like nobody appreciates gods anymore.) Still, for the most part, pro-writers are freelance, or hop from job to job. As such, your yearly income? Not steady. Health care? Pay for it yourself or be lucky enough to have a spouse who brings that home. Vacations? I just laughed so hard I threw up. Hell, you don’t even get paid immediately for a job. Sure, you wrote “NET 30″ on your invoice. You might as well have written on there, “And please deliver my check duct-taped to a pink pony.” That money’s still going to take six months to wind its way through the proper channels to get to you. If there was an ad in the paper advertising a freelance writer’s job, it would read, “WRITING WORK AVAILABLE. MUST LOVE CHAOS AND BUDGETS. ALSO: LIQUOR AND SHAME.”
Check Yourself ‘Fore You Wreck Yourself
Pro-writing is not a gig for those with weak constitutions, frail bladders, or creative integrity. Think very seriously before stepping into that arena, because you walk into that battle largely unarmed and unarmored. You’ve got to measure up. You’ve got to ask yourself the hard questions. I’m not saying it’s not satisfying; it is. But you may not be ready for that kind of life. Not yet, at least.
After all, Here There Be Space Dragons.
About The Author
ChuckWendig
Chuck Wendig is equal parts novelist, screenwriter, and game designer. He is the author of the novels DOUBLE DEAD, BLACKBIRDS, and MOCKINGBIRD. In addition, he's got a metric boatload of writing-related e-books available, including the popular 500 WAYS TO BE A BETTER WRITER. He currently lives in the wilds of Pennsyltucky with wife, dog, and newborn progeny.
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A couple of these probably apply to me. Fiction output since New Year’s: nada. I’m finishing up my senior year of college, so I sort of have an excuse, but still. Space dragons. Hopefully my eventual day job won’t completely crush my soul.
I play video games for a living. I will probably continue to play video games for a living and write on the side. For me right now, being able to say “I have written a book(s)” is good enough. One day that may change. The idea of being a 40-year-old game tester is growing less and less attractive.
But I am a whore for stability.
In the meantime I will continue to hit myself in the crotch with my shoe.
Must be like the Van Gogh complex for painters, cut off your ear and throw yourself into the nettles instead of nose grinding and taw paying.
@Marlan:
I will now bludgeon you and wear you like a skin so that I may play video games for a living instead of writing. It sounds more fun. And, yes, more stable.
(Seriously, what manner of job is that? It sounds delightful.)
Re: crotch-hitting — do you cringe at associating writing and commerce?
– c.
@Angie:
Can you define the “Van Gogh complex?” I’ve heard of it, but always as another name for bipolar disorder. Does it have a more specific definition?
– c.
@Sarah:
I’d say finishing college is excuse plenty.
A day job might crush your soul, and if it does, that might be a sign that turning to pro-writing (likely in a freelance capacity) might actually suit you.
It took some adjusting, but it actually was the path for me. And it didn’t happen overnight, either; took me many years of working FT or PT while writing “on the side.”
“On the side” makes it sound like a side order of mashed potatoes, but there it is.
MASHED POTATOES HAVE BECOME MY LIFE
ALL CAPS RAAAAR
Ahem, sorry. Need more coffee.
– c.
Very timely Chuck. I’ve been asking myself this very question. I know I have the creative and technical abilities. But I’m not so sure I can handle the instability and the stress. I kind of like that stability that I’ve found. I think I might be better suited to something like proofreading and copy editing.
I think it’s the sense of entitlement that gets me with wannabe writers. The ones who think that just because they’ve managed to string 97,000 words together that: A: someone is obligated to pay them for those words, even unedited, and B: A lot of someones are obligated to read and love those words.
(The cousin to this is the self-pubbed straight-to-Kindle author thinks that the act of hitting submit means that five and six figure checks should start bloating their mailbox any day now. Self-pub is fine, if you know what you’re doing, but you have to know that you’ve just thrown your tiny drop of water into a great big ocean at high tide. Chances of someone seeing it are slim. There’s no telepathic link that signals people to tell them your book exists.)
Passing English and being able to construct a subject/verb combination that turns into a sentence doesn’t make you a writer. It sure doesn’t make you a storyteller. Yet… thousands upon thousands treat writing like it’s something anyone can do in their spare time when they get the urge.
You don’t hear people saying “One of these days, I’ll perform a triple by-pass when I get the time.” And you don’t mix up a batch of Betty Crocker, pop on some sprinkles with a tub o’frosting and demand window space at a specialty cake shop.
Writing can be a hobby, and it’s fine if you only want to do it for fun, but for the rest of us, it’s a craft. It’s hours of our lives and bottles full of Aspirin to deal with the headaches. It’s realizing that just because you can bend your imaginary world to your own will, that doesn’t mean your world exists independent of the rules you create for it, so yes you really do need to go back and cut out chapter 17, even though it’s like ripping off a limb.
Golden Word Syndrome is evil. If you want to write your precious words in gold leaf on silk pillows, then go rent yourself a storage locker to store them where they can be preserved forever and they’re locked away from anyone who might stumble across them on accident.
@Josin:
As one of those who used to feel his words were all Golden and Wonderful, I grok what you’re saying. I think the shame of that attitude is, often enough those writers who feel that way may very well have potential to become more than what they are if they’re willing to accept a few reality checks. I received a few early on from a writing teacher I loved, and received others later on as rejections. Those were critical to me in getting my brain to a better, smarter, more functional writing place.
Obviously, with terribleminds, I am a huge fan of reality checks.
– c.
Okay, I loved this. I’m not sure if that’s the reaction I’m supposed to have — but I tend to like KNOWING what I’m getting into, when I’m getting into it. Space dragons? Why not?
Last year, I did some freelance work — and it was completely new. It was a heap of stuff I’d never done before, and I was slightly terrified. But I also loved it. I loved learning my way through it, getting it done, getting a byline, and being able to go — “Shit, I made that.”
Thanks for another helpful, inspriing, and hilarious (seriously — I cannot drink coffee while I read your stuff. It’s hazardous to my health) post.
I love this post. So, would writing as a profession suit me if I need to write like I need to breathe? Because that’s what it feels like sometimes I go through withdrawal when I don’t get to write.
In other news that is possibly unrelated to this post, but it must be because I thought of it, and I’m not usually that random… I filed taxes this year for the first time with writing income on it… And I was so lost. I’m glad it was a minimal amount, because I had no idea what the hell was going on. Totally going to spring for an accountant next year. I’m too stupid for math.
I think I’m good…except the last one. I tend to panic when things don’t go as predicted or if I lose control over something and don’t know what to do. But I think if I expect it, I can better handle it (or maybe self-publish so the money goes directly to me. Maybe…).
Thanks for the great post!!
Also, totally off topic, I wanted to ask…Who did your website? *is making her own*
A couple apply to me, but none so much as the point regarding “Writer’s Block”. It’s the 600lb gorilla on my back. I mean, I know there’s no such thing as writer’s block, but tell my brain that.
(I should have also noted that I am presently a freelance writer/editor, as well as being a technical writer/editor by trade. Yay me.)
“Don’t quit your day job.” Applies to MANY of us who are writing, and even writing professionally because we do not wish to embrace the chaos. It limits our writing time but provides stability that living on your logos doesn’t. Personally I am going to keep writing part time until I am at a point where I can essentially retire from the day job, be that frugally on a writing income or entirely where writing continues to necessity for sanity remains to be seen.
-Seamus
So, what does it mean if none of this phases me? What if I like space dragons? Does that mean katie should bar the door to keep from the rocket-powered inspiration that is bleeding through the cracks into my brain in this loathed place, replete with typewriter and pallets stacked with fresh mindpain? Well, then I am a writer, inexorably and tis my fated cross to bear. Alas.
That last one I find particularly interesting, if only because it’s one I can most definitely see in my classmates as we finish up our portfolios and prepare to graduate.
One of professors has been spending a number of classes talking about the business side of the industry. Pitch meetings, keeping up contacts, jobs in development, getting an agent, etc etc.
And you can see in the eyes of my classmates the sudden realization that this is it. School’s coming to an end. We’ll actually be expected to do this for MONEY soon. And ours is not a job with a lot of stability. And like all jobs, there’s no assurances. It’s clearly spooking them.
All true! Some days, I’m tempted to go talk to the classes of bright-eyes hopeful technical writing students and tell them, “Your professors are lying through their teeth. They tell you technical writers and editors are valued in the industry. They tell you that you bridge that communication gap, that you are indispensable.”
Bull-oney. Tech writers are like toilet paper. Everyone piles crap on you and then, when things get tight, they flush you. No one reads what you write. You are always first to go. Upper management sees you as an obnoxious expense, because after all, “anyone can write.”
I’d suggest to anyone who wants to be a writer to try this test: go to a heated political blog and post a comment opposing the majority. Then pretend everyone who replies is a manager or subject matter expert whom you must treat with the utmost respect while simultaneously convincing them of the accurateness of your statement.
Fun, eh? What does it say about me that I still love my job?
Drop my head, tuck in my tail, and keep at it. I can’t get full of myself or Mother Nature will whack me upside the head; she’s done it before.
There’s chaos and instability everywhere now. I truly think writers can succeed if they have a spark of creativity and a decent work ethic.
The flighty ones will go looking for buddies to protect them as they always have, and then they’ll move to another career which will fail also.
Sorry I’m so serious today.
Um. Yes. The writer’s block and stability/disorder issues apply. I have a spouse who needs to know when the checks are coming, so a regularly paying “day-job” is a must. And I’m not nearly good enough (or, rather, *disciplined* enough) to write for a living…or, at least, not good enough to MAKE A LIVING from it. Oh, I could handle the business end of it. No problem with data-tracking and invoicing and bookkeeping and scheduling. In fact, that’s what I do for a living: taking care of people’s business. Hm…I wonder if I could have a side business helping writers as off-site admin support? {scurrying off to draft a business plan that’ll probably get filed in a drawer and abandoned}
You totally crack me up. The vision of the duct-taped check on the pink pony totally stays with me. I think that would be a fine way to receive payment-LOL!
Anjie
Stability? What’s that? Never see’d it.
I write by day and have a rent job at night. The night job pays alright, but I don’t suffer the delusion It’ll be there today, tomorrow, or ever. There’s always rumors of acquisitions and ‘focusing on core competencies” circulating the cubicleville like the stench of burnt microwave popcorn. The Recession erased the word ‘stability’ from my dictionary. It’s now a synonym for ‘delusion’ in my personal thesaurus.
I’ve never trusted any writer who hasn’t worked a shitty job for more that five years. If you’ve flipped a burger, wielded a hammer, answered someone’s phones or temped, then I have a tad more respect and interest in your work. When the muse stands me up, at least I have spite for may day job to drive me to write. Hate is fuel, and it’s well never runs dry.
Go to Amazon or your preferred bookseller and find “Don’t Quit Your Day Job.” Its a collection of essays by today’s literary greats about the jobs they had before going pro. You will be inspired and won’t feel so bad about just hanging it all up.
And to think I bought this damn Space Dragon saddle on eBay for nothing!? What the fuck…
*shakes head and sits down to write, on said saddle*
There’s also this:
You know that new Domino’s Pizza commercial, where they’re all “We’re letting the public tell Tate what they think about his chicken — RIGHT ON THE BOX” and pasty-faced Tate is all “OHNOES… THE PUBLIC!!” … and there’s this bit where they ask you to “imagine if THE ENTIRE COUNTRY rated YOUR job performance!!!”
That right there? THAT’S being a pro writer — except for “the entire country” put in “the entire internet-enabled planet.”
Once you’ve managed to pull on the Big People Pants, follow Unca Chuck’s advice, and become a Pro — you have to put up with an entire world’s worth of poo-flinging internet monkeys lobbing their opinion of your job performance at your soft, unprotected skull.
Get used to it.
Even before/without quitting the day-job, there’s a big difference between “wannabe who can write whenever he/she feels like it” and “author under contract who has to finish another book this year – or get eaten by the space dragons”. Luckily I like deadlines – they focus the mind wonderfully – but I suspect that some of my envious friends wouldn’t _really_ want to be the one writing every night after work instead of watching reruns of Doctor Who or visiting their favourite blogs…oh bugger. Caught out again.
Back to work…
If you ever stop posting on this Chuck I swear to the gods of inspiration and spare time (those are some serious gods, dude) I will hunt you down and beat you with a pink pony. That has grass breath. This post just kind of made my day. My teacher now wants to kill me because I wouldn’t stop laughing and my work is only half done. Hee hee hee… *runs off to finish Keyboarding*
*tea through the nose reading* the above is (sorry, channeling Yoda).
I used to live in Detroit (born there actually, too) and I know all about magic dying on the assembly line — er – vine.
They still say “hella” in parts of Washington here. Hella Tits is not too far off, I’m sure.
I do suffere from spreadsheet malaise, but have found a treatment (spreadsheet savvy family members.
Still jumping off the cliff July 1. Portfolio is very deversified.
I say Yes faster than a 14 year old boy in a ….you get the picture.
I enjoyed that. Having finished reading, the sound of a saw chewing through bone seems to echo faintly in my ear. You paint a particularly dismal view of professional life as a writer. I think I’ll stick to writing as a hobby (at least for now)!
I am so going to print this out and make my writing students read it this summer. That way when I laugh while crushing their dreams, I can point out that I warned them earlier. “Remember that handout you got on day one? See? I warned you…”
It might also explain why I keep showing up to class pants-less.
SHH. Shh. I like my dreams.
I’m going to enjoy them the way I thought childhood would last forever.
When I have to be broken like a mule I will come back and sob at y’all’s feet.
Were those apostrophes both legit? Because they *feel* legit.
Yeah. The curse of imaginary writer’s block exists. Oddly, the only way to banish it is to have an actual, contracted deadline. Work I’m being paid for arrives on time. Work I do to keep in practice or try to get experience in a new form… Not so much.
It’s the stability thing that gets me. My wife doesn’t earn enough to cover us through lean times, and the Health Insurance comes from my day-job. Ultimately, though, I’m rotting in a day-job that pays well but crushes my soul while being too chicken to take the full-time jump.
But at least I got past the other four signs.
Funny and scary article! It really put me in my place. Thanks, it has given me some resolve and a reality check.
From someone who *is* a professional writer, every word of this shit is stone cold true…particularly the space dragons part.
<3. and it didn't scare me away. I still wanna be one.
Thanks for showing me the way and keeping me from potentially wasting my entire life on a goal that is completely unattainable. I too had this same dream since I was a child and have strived my entire life to achieve it. After reading your discouraging words and mulling them over for the last few minutes I have decided that I need to change my focus completely and rethink my future. So with a heavy heart I abandon my dream of becoming an Astronaut.
Thanks again for showing me the way.
There may not be Dragons, but there are chickens
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wfsMZKwqw3w&feature=related
Oh, come on…there’s nothing like the stability of getting a degree, perhaps even an “advanced degree,” taking certification test after test, “professional development” course after course, and paying hundreds — nay, thousands — to be deemed a PROFESSIONAL only to have your pay determined by the test-taking ability of some kids who think rolling 2nd grade level worksheets up into joints is almost as hard as actually doing the assignment (at age 16). At this point, teaching is a less-valued profession than squirrel farming.
Space Dragons! Yess!!
That’s why I wear a stainless steel rear end chastity belt ! Ha!
That being said, it definitely is a place not for the weak and wimpy, or the artsy and fartsy. I remember a while back being lambasted during a critique at a conference by a college English prof who apparently loathed my attempt of a first novel. As he ranted about how I should give it up I had an almost vision-like insight of him as a failed poet / literary writer who hated anyone making an attempt at what he couldn’t do. Funny thing is, I podcasted the book and ended up with an award and a few tens of thousands of people who liked it. Then took what he pointed out as failures, learned from them and improved and keep improving. Because I want to do this for a living, and am learning to mind meld with people to the point that they beg to give me money for my books.
Dragons? Yeah baby…let’s dance….but keep that egg planting thing away from my butt.
[...] 6 Signs You’re Not Ready to Be a Professional Writer by the hilarious Chuck Wendig [...]
[...] You’re not ready to be a professional writer. You want to keep a steady paycheck, which means a steady job, which means no solid blocks of writing for you. You’ve checked Chuck’s list and felt the crushing weight of reality telling you that being a professional writer just isn’t going to happen. But the need is still there. That thing that makes you want to put words on paper for people to read for no other reason than they make sense, possibly to entertain, and definitely because nobody else in the world writes exactly the way you do. [...]
I spent a decade NOT making $50,000 every year and keeping my fingers crossed health-wise since insurance was a pipe dream. Instead, I wrote, traveled, lived in Europe – did the whole starving artist thing. Eventually, I missed stuff like regular meals and socks without holes in them, so went back to the 9-5 grind. Two years in, I made myself upchuck in the office bathroom so I would have an excuse to go home. A life of instability, crappy wages and holes in my socks was calling me. All I’ve ever wanted was to tell stories. So I guess that means I’m a writer. Damn…
Philip Roth said in a radio interview (CBC – FYI that’s Canada) that a writer is always a novice. You can’t learn from what you’ve done before, because every work is a brand new creation. You have to start at square one and reinvent — every single time.
I didn’t want to become a writer, when I grew up. I wanted to be an aeronautics engineer.
That’s why I can confirm that space dragons do exist and yes, they hide behind moons. Our moon too. 
Writing for me is business, so it’s comforting to see that I’m not so weird for treating it that way.
Thank you for a very interesting post
Harsh but hilarious. Strangely, I still want to be a writer…it must be all the booze…I mean coffee. Of course, I never drink…booze…during the day. LOL
YOU ARE MY PEOPLE.
That’s right, I yelled it.
My day job is in video games. I’m switching to writing fiction because it’s more stable. Yeah, really.
And not only are you so right about everything, so much so that I wish I could send you bottles of liquor, but you have almost caused me to have a childish accident w/r/t centipedes.
Funny, I was talking about this yesterday. I got fired from my horrible day job, so I’m looking for another one because, let’s face it, it’s good to pay rent and have somewhere to plug in my laptop – also because I’m in a relationship and my boyfriend and I depend on each other for a certain degree of stability –
-but I was saying, my new day job, whatever it ends up being, I don’t want it to be too stable. The reason is, the older I get, the more I feel that ‘You can do anything’ attitude my parents instilled in me as a child drifting away… and I’m worried that a steady, comfortable income and predictable work hours will get harder and harder to walk away from. I’ll get used to having evenings and weekends free, start looking forward to my pension – and that isn’t me.
The solution, I think, is to sell out early. I’ll have time for artistic integrity when I’m more established – but I need to *get* established before I can think about turning down work. Time to get cracking.
Thanks for this, Chuck. I always read your blog when I feel like I need a boost, and it always works. Cheers.
[...] here to read the full [...]
And and and, but also, you can know all of these things and have worked through them and STILL, there’s a gap until you’re really a professional writer. Sure, there’s the getting ready, Chuck, but then there’s the standing around, totally ready, in the shadow of the altar, watching your corsage slowly dry up and wilt with depression, hoping that Godot decides to drop by with a contract. Hopefully you take that time as an opportunity to keep writing.
Great post.
Man, I had something to say…wanted to comment….bad case of writer’s block here, sorry….
[...] Six Signs You’re Not Reading To Make A Living As A Professional Writing – by Chuck Wendig. This dude brings the serious funny and a good bit of advice. [...]
From my own experience, I can say part of this is true, part of it is overdrawn and part of it just is not true at all.
For one, I believe writer’s block is a real thing to certain people, whereas to others, it can be solved by something as simple as just sitting down and starting to write. For some, the mere act of creating is enough to spark creativity and inspiration, enough to break whatever vicious circle you’re caught in that keeps you from writing. For some, it simply isn’t, because everyone is different.
The writing for money part is true indeed for most people. It’s a sad fact that only very few of us manage to make such a big smash hit that they’ll be able to work fully on their own terms or retire after one series of books or something of the like. For most of us who want to write for a living, it comes down to writing about stuff that you have little to no interest in, stuff that will almost certainly make you want to throw up when thinking about it after writing about it for a year on end, and you’ll probably never be able to put in the time you want to make it anywhere near decent. It’s a tragedy, but also a reality.
You’ll be lucky if you can write about things that you actually like or enjoy. Most of the things I’ve written for money were about horribly retarded topics, like hotels, interior decoration, bathrooms, gardens and a plethora of other topics I don’t care one iota about.
One thing I do personally not agree on is the concept of giving up all hopes and dreams if you aspire to be a writer. Hopes and dreams are what drive some people to greatness. There wouldn’t have been series like Harry Potter, Lord of the Rings and A Game of Thrones if those authors hadn’t retained some form of dream/wonder/fantasy. Think of any of those what you want, but these books have brought joy to countless millions of readers and had their authors decided to simply ‘churn out’ work, instead of filling it with what hope and wonder they had, the whole world would’ve lost something.
Be damn sure to put all of those hopes and dreams in a realistic context though… or they won’t be the only thing getting crushed as your writings get rejected time and again.
Just my € 0,02.
@Marcel –
Hope may have been an over-reach in terms of finding the right (slash funny) way to put it. Of course writers should have hope and dreams; those things are critical, I agree.
My point is that, the realities of the writing life are enough to eradicate the notion of writing as some precious, special act — it’s about work and discipline more than it is about muses and magic.
And on writer’s block, to put it more plainly: everybody feels mentally gummed up at times. It’s not unique to writers, and so we should stop giving it power by calling it “writer’s block.”
IMHO, YMMV, etc.
– c.
Oh man, tell it like it is. This post shouldn’t have made me laugh, right? I suppose it should have made me cry and hide under my desk? Thanks for the breath of fresh air, as always..
Ah, I have the best of both worlds then. I get full benefits, last year I made 50k, this year I make 52K and all day today at my ‘full time gig’ I wrote smut for my ‘off duty writing gig’. Ah, glory days! Too bad I had to wear pants to the office
Brutal truth cleverly written. Thanks for the laugh. I need it right about now.
As a struggling, wannabe, on-the-side writer, I get what you’re saying. I fully appreciate art (well, certain forms of it, anyway), but have no intention of starving to achieve it. I enjoy the comforts of a regular job with a predictable paycheck too much to abandon it.
My son tells me all the time he wants to be a blacksmith. I tell him that’s a great thing to be, if you want to be dirty, hungry and work state fairs for the rest of your life. Might as well learn to run the ferris wheel and fry up food on a stick so he can make a few extra bucks in his downtime. My advice to all my kids is try and find a career path they enjoy. If they can’t, or if it takes a while to find it, do something else while searching for that perfect career. Paint, sing, dance, draw, forge, or whatever else keeps your juices flowing in your spare time until you can find a way to make it your career. Just bear in mind that it might never happen. That’s why we humans develop things called “hobbies.”
During the past 20 years I never once stopped thinking of myself as a failed writer — “failed” because I abandoned it for more practical pursuits. Now that I’m finally trying my hand at it, I must admit I’m often amused at the seriousness with which some other amateurs take themselves and their work. I’m just trying to have fun with it. Seriously, any idiot can string together thousands of words. Just because I’ve managed to do it doesn’t make me Shakespeare, and it certainly doesn’t mean I’m ready to quit the day job.
@Neliza Drew: As one who has spent 18 years in a career that is “less valued than squirrel farming” and has nothing to show for it but a bad case of mental illness, I think it is time to find something else. Lucky for me, I am sick of living life in 90-minute segments driven by the infernal BELL. Twenty minute lunches and no time to pee, contracted for 7 hours a day, but work at least 9-10, often required night meetings or weekend events when I’m a divorced mom of 2 – Yeah, teaching has lost its stability as far as I’m concerned. The price I pay is certainly not worth the paycheck. This article was everything I dreamed that writing would be. Throw me some hurdles and watch me jump over them. Give me a dose of doubt and I’ll prove otherwise. I’m just more stubborn than most of the dragons.
Writer’s block…snicker…
Important distinction…while I am a *published* writer, I am by no means a *professional* witer yet, and have no illusions about my skill at freelancing. I is novelist…
The being said: When or if people I talk to find out I’m soon to be published, about 50% of them say “I’ve always wanted to write.” Occasionally they will ask me how they, too can become publsihed. I ask them one question to determine my answer.
“Do you have anything finished?” Guess what? 90% of the time, the answer is “I’m working on something right now!” which I hear as a big whopping “NO!”
My answer then is usually “Finish something. No author ever sold a million copies of an unfinished story…not while they were still alive.” Like you said, DISCIPLINE!!! That is the difference between a publsihed wirter and an aspiring writer. That, and persistence.
I’ve had those moments when I asked myself “How the Hell am I going to get past this point?” But instead of stopping I just moved to a different part of the story and came back to my problem area later, sometimes with the answer gleaned from the part I had been working on. I think you have it right. NEVER STOP WRITING. Writer’s block: you do not have it.
LOL! I soooo needed this today. Thank you for the slap upside the head.
Tami
I had writer’s block once. Ate some fiber and it went away.
Does it make you feel good to lay smack on Detroit?
I was so inspired by your article: I reversed it to fit: “painter” and will now not cringe at the word “money” in relation to “art” …aaah, what a relief!! Thanks
Love the post. I finished writing my first novel a month ago, and now I’m starting the querying process. Space dragons here I come!
Re: I still see that glint of magic and hope in your eye… (and everything that follows) — Some of us still enjoy writing and the magical (well, okay, not ‘magical’ but pretty damn close) feeling it brings. You’d do well to refrain from projecting your own cynicism on others from here on out.
I dabble in writing, and work full-time as an Author Account Manager for a self-publishing company. I wish I could show this article to all of my authors. So many people want to simply be capital W “Writers” and go to book signings, but want to skip past that pesky “writing” portion.
Sign number #7 You are reading an insulting article about your life, written by a 12 year old with an inferiority complex.
I loved this article. Not a writer myself, but I will spend the rest of my nights looking for a space dragon peeking around the moon.
Chuck, I lurk and I love most of what you write here, and I love most of this post, but I’ve gotta say, anyone who claims writers block doesn’t exist has had the good luck never to experience it, and telling others they are simply lily livered slackers isn’t fair. I’ve had it. Bad. It has causes and cures, which do sometimes amount to banging out awful shit and hating yourself until something happens. Sometimes you need to do something else for awhile, then bang out awful shit and hate yourself until something happens. Telling a blocked writer it’s a character defect is like telling a diabetic they should eat more sugar until they get good at it. It’s a killer.
And I say this as someone who’s published 10 books, established a pretty good rep, and a decent (if not stable) livlihood, too.
I’m not a great multi tasker, either.
[...] Check it: Six Signs You’re Not Ready To Make A Living As A Professional Writer [...]
@Lynn –
Oh, writer’s block isn’t a character defect. I just don’t believe it’s unique to writers — we give it a great deal of weight and myth when in reality, everybody gets blocked. Carpenters, school children, scientists, everybody. It isn’t a special thing, and yet we give it a special name and treat it like it’s a condition. Writer’s block is ultimately this –
There’s a heavy couch in front of the door. You need to exit through that door.
The couch will be difficult to move.
But it won’t move itself.
Either: move it, or sit there and stare at it. That’s it. There’s no special magic, no special trick. Sure, being blocked has cures and causes, but it’s not really “writer’s” block — it’s just plain ol’ everybody’s block.
IMHO, YMMV, etc.
– c.
Spade dragons sound fun! I am always looking for feedback on my writing and a reality check, I need to know if people will read my stuff. Writer’s block? Nah, just a hard time balancing my inconsistent fashion retail schedule with my life and time to write. I practice and build my fan base with my blog site, I am alwyas loking to know what people think and I am looking for opportunities that have deadlines. I am chaos walking, I think I’m ready. Check out my site and leave feedback please.
[...] Mas enfim, logo mais eu posto os outros dois. Se você estive muito curiose e quiser ler o resto, pode fazer isso AQUI. [...]
[...] Six Signs You’re Not Ready to Make a Living as a Professional Writer from Terrible Minds Over at Terrible Minds, a blog I wish I had discovered long ago authored by Chuck Wendig, there’s a lot of sage advice peppered with odd made up words, fantastical wacko descriptions and general all round make-you-laugh-so hard-your-stomach-hurts-revelations. Someone on twitter linked this post and I got lost in all the other extremely well-written posts and also became quite fond of the word bloviate in the process. [...]
Holy crap. I just found you and I bow at your altar. This is the best writing on the web. Refreshing, hysterical, true.
In your debt,
KB
[...] blog – Chuck Wendig’s Terrible Minds. All as funny and full of swearing as usual. Six signs you’re not ready to be a professional writer 25 ways to fuck with your characters What it’s like being a writer 25 things writers should [...]
I like your style, you’ll go far kid… Just don’t go too far or you’ll float of in to space.
I so enjoyed reading this!
I agree–writer’s block does not exist!
Let me just add that a lot of people I know who want to write don’t read anything. They don’t think the two go together. One guy I knew said to me “Just because I don’t read doesn’t mean I don’t have a creative mind!” Uh, yeah sure.
I’ve been writing about Space Dragons since I was 12!! I just write for the heck of it and I’ve enjoyed shaping my space dragons! Making their history, languages, ships, sub-species, politics, shifter sub species…..gawd I love my space dragon empire.check them out here: https://www.smashwords.com/profile/view/thedragongod
Funny article! I suffer from a few things on here.