Apple-Obsessed Author Fella

Tag: fiction (page 16 of 17)

“I Don’t Drink Anymore”

This is my own entry into the SHACKLETON’S SCOTCH flash fiction challenge I posed yesterday. You… are going to get in on this challenge, right? You know you want to.

She stands outside the brownstone under sodium light.

The bruises have begun to fade. The cuts – on her lips and chin, across her brow, on her hands – have long-crusted over. She’s going to have the limp for a while, but oh well.

The case in her hands is heavy. But worth it. Because it’s her way back in.

Jack answers the door. Is he happy to see her? Or just puzzled?

“Amanda,” he says.

“I know you love Scotch,” is the first thing to come out of her mouth even though she hasn’t seen him for years, and she thrusts the case up and hopes he’ll take it. “This isn’t just Scotch, though, this is the real deal, a, a, a really rare…” She’s nervous. She shouldn’t be nervous. Given everything. But she imagines the kiss—their first in a long time, the first since everything happened.“I went through a lot to get it for you.”

* * *

The spider monkey screamed and kicked her in the face, sending up a spray of sweat.

Another leapt onto her back, hooting and shrieking.

Amanda grabbed the one from behind, used him like a reaper’s scythe to knock the other monkey’s feet out from under, letting go as she completed the move so they both bowled into one another. They crashed into the corner of the courtyard, knocking over a terracotta pot of reedy Cyperus papyrus. The pair of gangly primates clambered atop one another, hissing, and in the deep of their throats she saw the winking red light.

“What is it you want?” Kebir said, stroking the fennec fox that stood on his bony left shoulder the way an angel might perch on a pin. The gun in his hand pointed at her heart.

“I want Delacroix,” she said.

Kebir crossed the space between them. He pressed the gun between her breasts.

“But you don’t know where he is.”

“I know he’s here. In Tangiers.”

Kebir smiled. His gums were puckered and pulled away from the teeth. “If only I would tell you where.”

His eyes went wide as he realized: Amanda had the khanjar knife with its camel bone handle against Kebir’s manhood. Kebir sighs.

“…Delacroix is beneath Benhaddou.”

* * *

“It looks… old,” Jack says. He doesn’t take the case. Her arms tremble.

“It’s not just old. It’s rare.” She smiles. “Rarest of the rare. Like you. Like us.”

* * *

She had Delacroix by his wife-beater, her knee in his pumpkin gut, his blubbering head held over a yawning chasm. Beneath him, giant stone gears boomed and growled as they turned. Stones tumbled into the abyss, swiftly pulverized by the hungry cogs.

“You know what I want!” she yelled over the din.

“I don’t have it! I told you! Please.”

Behind them, streams of sand whispered from above: a shard of earth tumbled and shattered. The bodies of the robot soldiers lay half-buried.

The whole place was coming down. All the trip-wires and trigger stones. Leading to this. But she wasn’t going to think about that now.

“Who?” she asked. “Who.”

“Krüger! I sold it to Krüger.” He wept. It gave her pause, this grown man crying so. It was all he needed. His pudgy hand shot out, grabbing a fistful of sand and throwing it in her eyes. Amanda toppled from his prodigious body, her vision watery, blinking away the stinging sand-born tears, and by the time she could again see, Delacroix was ducking down a hidden side-passage, the wall closing fast behind him.

It didn’t matter. She had a name. And it explained so much. The monkeys. The robots.

* * *

He isn’t taking it. She doesn’t understand.

“It’s really been a long time,” he says. He looks then over his shoulder. What is he looking for? She imagines making love to him again. How sweet it will be.

* * *

Krüger danced around the room with the eyedropper, pirouetting this way, waltzing that way. He tilted his handsome head back, extending his tongue, and then placed a drop of amber liquid there. Krüger was like a child catching snowflakes. He laughed.

Then: a tap-shuffle-slide over to his wall of super-soldiers. Nine of them. Each a Frankenstein stitching of flesh, plastic, and metal. Krüger grabbed the jaw of one, yanking it downward. He squeezed the eyedropper’s bulb and dropped a liquid dot in the soldier’s mouth.

Slowly, the cyborg’s eyes opened and focused. The half-man shifted in his bonds.

Krüger sashayed to the next in line, whistling.

But he didn’t make it. The butt of a rifle cracked him in the back of the head.

He looked up from the ground. Amanda eased the mouth of the .30-30 against his throat.

“You look like hell,” Krüger said.

She did. Split lip. Blood from a forehead gash. Worse, she still had the limp from escaping the collapsing tomb beneath Aït Benhaddou. Krüger’s tower defenses were top-notch.

“I’m taking Shackleton’s Scotch,” she said.

“Without it, how will I fuel my beautiful babies?”

She shrugged. “You won’t. I need it for someone.”

“Do I see love in your eye?”

That old romantic. “You do.”

“Then you may have it.” He laughed, but then suddenly yelled: “Kill her!”

The super-soldier puffed out his chest, snapping the metal bar holding him in place. The cyborg screamed, a metallic wail—

Bang.

Amanda put a bullet in his eye.

The cyborg fell like a stack of teacups.

Krüger looked crushed. “Sorry,” she told him, then kicked him in the face.

* * *

“I don’t drink anymore,” Jack says, retreating a step.

“No, wait,” she says, laughing because this suddenly seems so absurd. “This is Shackleton’s Scotch. Lost. Preserved in the Antarctic ice for 100 years. Nobody else is going to taste this. Nobody but you and me.” She feels her heart sink. “You love Scotch.”

The door opens behind him. A little girl no older than three runs out—all pigtails and footy pajamas and freckle-cheeks—and hugs his leg. “Daddy, Daddy, story-time!”

“It really has been a long time,” he says again, and she’s not sure if it’s an apology or an explanation or what. But then he retreats another step, and another, and he and the little girl go back inside and the door closes with a gentle, hesitant click.

“I love you,” Amanda says to the door. She leaves the case on the steps.

Shackleton’s Scotch: A Flash Fiction Challenge

Of Ice And Blood

This is the stuff that flash fiction is made of, kids.

Your reading material: “Explorers’ Century-Old Whisky Found In Antarctic.”

When Ernest Shackleton abandoned the trip 100 miles from its completion, he left behind his whisky. And they just found it. Someone’s going to drink it. They might even try to replicate it.

It’s an awesome story all by itself.

But seems to me that from this seed-bed of awesomeness can grow a kick-ass tale.

So, you’ve got 1000 words.

The story should be in some way directly or obliquely tied to the notion of “Shackleton’s Scotch.”

Doesn’t matter if the story is genre or otherwise. Just make it awesome.

Write it up on your own personal bloggery-spaces, then toss the link here in the comments.

No prize. No voting. Just write a kick-ass flash fiction tale because you want to write a kick-ass flash fiction tale. If you’re asking yourself why do it… well, nobody’s making you. But this is a good place to reveal your fiction and show off some skills. Also a good place to forge community and connections — not in a professional exploitation way but in the, “Hey, I’ve never read your stuff before, it’s awesome, I want to have your word babies” way.

You’ve got one week. We’ll revisit this topic next Friday (2/25), see what came up and out of your diseased little minds. Jump right in with both feet. Shackleton’s Scotch.

Go.

The Irregular Creatures One-Month Annivalentine’s Daysary Extravabonanza!

Cat-Bird Banner: Irregular Creatures

It’s Valentine’s Day weekend.

It’s also the one-month anniversary (“monthiversary?”) of the release of IRREGULAR CREATURES, my collection of nine short stories which features (but is not limited to): a family household that serves as ground zero for a battle of good versus evil fought by flying cats; a Bangkok dancer whose ahem nether regions are so spectacular that they surely do not belong to a mere human; a working man who learns the true cost of fighting zombies; and a boy who gets lost in an otherworldly auction where a mermaid’s innocence is put on the chopping block.

To celebrate, I’ve decided to drop the price on the collection down to the so-low-I-just-pooped-my-pants price of ninety-nine cents ($0.99)!

(This is true only for the Kindle release.)

The price will hold true until cough-cough at some point on Monday or Tuesday. Sorry — it’s hard to predict with Amazon. I’d so love it if I could change product descriptions and prices on the fly, but I can’t — Amazon puts even the teeny-tiniest of changes (“I just added a comma to my product description!”) through a review process, which takes 24-48 hours.

So —

Go now and procure the collection for the wild-and-wacky-bargain-basement-how-will-I-be-able-to-afford-my-heart-pills-and-by-heart-pills-I-mean-Pez-and-tequila price.

IRREGULAR CREATURES: $0.99.

Tell your friends. Hell, tell your enemies. Gift them a copy if you so desire.

Then leave a review on Amazon.

Decisions, Decisions

I mentioned this sale yesterday on the Twitter-Tubes and received a handful of comments (all welcome) that asked why I was doing this, or suggested that maybe it wasn’t an ideal solution, or (the nicest of them all) noting that the collection was worth more than that. Seems then like a good idea to peel back the layer a little bit. Like an onion. Or a sunburn. Or a rejected skin graft.

I am not a fan of the ninety-nine cent price point. I am especially not a fan of it as the end-all be-all price of something. I’m not knocking any author who chooses that path — I just think that a novel or collection is worth more than a song on iTunes (but maybe less than an album on iTunes). I want authors to value their content and, further, I want readers to value the content, too. Is a race to the bottom really the way to go?

Further, if you go the bottom-bitch pricing at Amazon, Amazon takes a more robust cut. One assumes that this is because they’re trying to train authors to keep their prices a little higher. Which is good for Amazon and good for the author and ultimately, I agree.

I sell the collection at $2.99, I get about two bucks. I sell it at $0.99, I get thirty cents.

And yet, other authors report surging numbers at the lower price. Some of that makes sense — you look at app-pricing, well, some apps are far lower than what I would consider to be their value. After having played Angry Birds, I’d tell you that the game is worth ten bucks, easy. But by pricing low, they got me to commit without thinking twice — and, given the humongous sales numbers, were able to hook millions of others accordingly. Price point isn’t the only factor there, but I suspect it’s a big one.

Lower your price on Amazon, you might convince uncertain buyers to take a risk because, shit, a buck is cheap. That’s “taco truck” cheap. If enough buyers bite to put the product in the higher sales rankings, then the product becomes more discoverable. Then, if the price goes back up, it does so ideally while amongst those higher rankings. One assumes that some degree of psychology is at work here. I know it’s true for me that when I check out paid apps on iTunes, I look to see what’s in the Top 10 (or at least Top 50) first — I assume, however incorrectly, that the top rankings are likelier home to a greater percentage of quality apps. So too with Amazon. I find myself skimming the top rankings periodically just to see what’s there. Getting into that echelon is not without value.

The big thing is, it will at least reveal the value — or the lack of value — in making such a move. If it doesn’t yield significant results, I’m not likely to do it again. I view this collection as something of a canary in a coal mine — I want to see how the bird behaves when I throw it into a mine tunnel filled with different gases. It’s not a perfect test, but it’ll yield me some data. And at this stage, data is just as valuable as cold hard cash.

I recognize that this isn’t purely scientific, but being a writer without a significant math brain, I don’t see any great way of turning this into an officially official experiment. I don’t have a control product. I can’t account for an unholy host of uncontrollable (or indiscernible) elements. But one thing I have at my disposal is price — by changing it, I’m throwing a pebble in the water and watching the ripples.

I think it was Jeff Tidball who noted that Gameplaywright doesn’t drop the price on their books or offer sales because it burns the early adopters. Which is true, to a point, and if anybody feels burned here — well, you have my uttermost apologies. My assumption, however, is that we as consumers are not that sensitive. I bought World of Goo for fifteen bucks on the PC, then it came onto the iPad for ten bucks. I waited, and it dropped to five bucks on a sale, and I picked it up. This weekend, it’s ninety-nine cents. I’m not pissed. Hell, I bought it twice because I loved it and was happy to support the creators of the game.

The television I bought was more expensive the week before I bought it, and cheaper the month after I bought it. As a consumer, price wobbles like that occur. Sales or discounts are common. Still, if anybody feels stung over it, you have my apologies, and the next time I see you, I’ll buy you a beer. Or give you a hug. Or hire a hobo to caress your junk with tickling calluses.

Quick Sales Update

Sales continue to be slow and steady. Three to five sales a day, with 280 sales after a month of being “out there.” About 65% of my sales are through Amazon, and 35% of my sales are through here, via PDF/ePub.

Not bad, ultimately. We’ll see what happens from here.

The flimsy self-publishing experiment continues.

Contain your mirth; this is a new carpet.

What Can You Do?

If you read the collection and liked it, definitely leave a review on Amazon. Further, please tell others — word of mouth is the best vector any author has of getting readership.

Otherwise, you just keep doing what you do best. Sit there, looking pretty, you handsome blog audience, you. With your lovely eyelashes and your lashing whip-like tail.

If My Mockingjay Don’t Sing

Finished Mockingjay.

Loved Mockingjay.

But wondering: why all the middling reactions toward Mockingjay? I wouldn’t call it “hate,” exactly — but I was warned repeatedly that the third book was essentially a big disappointment from the high of the previous two. Lots of “ehh,” “mehhh,” “pbbbt” reactions.

To which my jaw drops, my eyes launch out on springs, my tongue rolls, and the floor drops out from under me. Dang, I did not find that to be the case.

Your job, then, is to explain your disappointment (if you desire) in the comments.

I will not fling aspersions toward your general character. The question is not subject to any wrong answers. I mean, sure, I’ll throw flaming bags of poo at your head. I kid! I kid. They won’t be on fire. Sheesh.

My thoughts (and this will contain some very light spoilers):

The book was unflinching. Unflinching. This is not a shiny happy book. It is a book about children and war. It is a book where lots of characters you care about die. It is a book that again puzzles me and haunts me with the question: “How the hell are they going to make this into a PG-13 movie?” Seriously. Blood. Gore. Children dying. Nightmarish images. Murder. War. It’s not splatterpunk, but it’s not Harry Potter, either. Any effort to water this down to an acceptable family-friendly rating potentially does harm to the story’s message, a message carried on purpose by such grim, unceasing nastiness.

The book felt to me as the natural conclusion to the series — it carries the “game” motif back into play, this time on the battlefield. It pays off on things to which it was building. Nothing out of left field. For the most part the characters we care about are… concluded properly, I suppose you could say. Only one sticks out (Finnick) as feeling narratively inconclusive (and actually a little strange).

And yet, the book remained surprising, too. At no point did it feel rote.

The ending was pitch perfect, for me: like a shot of espresso, the book was super dark with a very bittersweet finish. I’ll say it again: not a happy book. And it does exactly what I was exhorting the other day — the storyteller is an emotional manipulator and the best and most memorable stories are the ones that truly made us feel something. Collins doesn’t fuck around. She’s constantly kicking you in the spleen, punching you in the kidneys, wrapping her hands around your throat. The woman knows how to hurt her audience. And the ending doesn’t do much to salve the wounds — a little. But not much.

So, chime in.

You read it?

You like it?

You find it disappointing?

Color me curious (which is actually a robin’s egg blue!).

Invent Your Own Mutant, Monster, Or Myth (And Win A Free E-Book)

Cat-Bird Banner: Irregular Creatures

EDIT: CONTEST NOW OPEN TILL 11:59PM TONIGHT, WEDNESDAY (FEB 2ND).

It is time to give away some copies of IRREGULAR CREATURES, my short story collection.

Giving away five total copies in your choice of Kindle, PDF, or ePub format.

Seeing as how the collection offers nine short stories, each featuring some bizarre beastie, some mythic miscreant, some maladjusted mutant, I thought I’d run a little contest.

That contest: come up with your own “irregular creature.”

I want to see, in 100 words or less, your own crazy concoction — an original creature or monster of your own design. Fantasy, humor, horror, sci-fi, whatever. Have fun with it.

My collection has cat-birds, mystic rag-man hermaphrodites, and the vaginas of fallen angels.

What will you come up with?

You’ve got 24 hours.

I’ll pick my five favorites at noon on Wednesday, February 2nd (aka “tomorrow”). Those five will have their choice of how they want the collection (be advised: “rectally” is not a choice).

Drop your beastly imaginings into the comments below.

Let the mythological mutations begin.

Point Me In The Direction Of Self-Published Awesomeness

Genuine Sherpa Skin

Let’s not beat around the bush.

I’ve got IRREGULAR CREATURES up at Amazon, and I’ve got it here and at Smashwords and a few other places. And I am, in some cases, amongst some damn good company. Anthony Neil Smith’s CHOKE ON YOUR LIES? Chris Holm’s 8 POUNDS? The TERMINAL DAMAGE collection?

Great stuff. And just the tip of the iceberg.

But c’mon. C’mon.

For every one piece of awesome “indie publishing,” you get ten, twenty, maybe even a hundred pieces of nonsense floating around. For every satchel of diamonds you get ten poop-encrusted toilet seats. For every Geoffrey Chaucer you get a hundred brain-sick spider monkeys.

The ratio isn’t yet what you’d find in traditional publishing.

Further, I’m learning more and more that the self-published author doesn’t have the same vectors of promotion. It is, by and large, up to the author (and the author’s incredibly generous audience) to get the word out about one’s own work. The normal channels of marketing and visibility and promotion (read: whoring) just don’t exist yet for the self-published dude.

Should we continue to call it self-publishing, by the way? Can we just lose the “self?” “Indie” works, I suppose, but for me, maybe “DIY publishing” has a bit more of a workmanlike ethos.

Or maybe “punk publishing.” Pubpunk? Wordpunk? Inkpunk?

Eh, whatever. I’m stumbling off the path, here.

What I’m saying is, since those normal channels don’t really exist for the self-indie-DIY-pubbed penmonkey, it helps if the penmonkey’s audience spreads the word.

So, spread the word. Here, now. Tell me about some high quality indie fiction out there. Digital, if you please. Stuff that’s on par with work that has come out through the traditional system.

And hell, if you are just such an author, and you think your work is of that quality, pimp away.

Give links where appropriate.