Chuck Wendig: Terribleminds

Apple-Obsessed Author Fella

Archives (page 343 of 465)

The Grand Adventure To Find Your Voice

I completed a really cool interview over at 52Reviews, and there I answered a question about voice, and the answer, I think, may be of some use to readers here. Go check out the interview, as I talk a bit about writing craft and The Blue Blazes and also about pointing guns at ponies. (Don’t worry, the pony is still alive. Sheesh.)

Anyway, here’s that quote on voice:

“Every author decides to go on a grand adventure one day, and that grand adventure is to find her voice. She leaves the comfort of her own wordsmithy and she traipses through many fictional worlds written by many writers and along the way she pokes through their writings to see if her voice is in there somewhere. She takes what she reads and she mimics their voices, taking little pieces of other authors with her in her mind and on the page.

Is her voice cynical? Optimistic? Short and curt, or long and breezy? She doesn’t know and so she reads and she writes and she lives life in an effort to find out.

This adventure takes as long as it takes, but one day the author tires of it and she comes home, empty-handed, still uncertain what her voice looks like or sounds like.

And there, at home, she discovers her voice is waiting. In fact, it’s been there all along.

Your voice is how you write when you’re not trying to find your voice. Your voice is the way you write, the way you talk. Your voice is who you are, what you believe, what themes you knowingly and unknowingly embrace.

Your voice is you.

Search for it and you won’t find it. Stop looking and it’ll find you.”

Flash Fiction Challenge: Five Random Sentences

Last week’s challenge: “The Titles Have Been Chosen.”

This week is pretty simple.

Using a random sentence generator, I’m concocting five random sentences.

Pick one and use somewhere in your story for this week.

The five sentences are:

  1. The shape fights the motionless ink.
  2. The portrait cat sneakily gestured at everyone.
  3. It walked inside the spaceship and then it sat down.
  4. When does the family document the thunder?
  5. The rough sex arrives by adhesive smoke.

So — you have ~1000 words.

Post online at your space, link back here.

You have one week — due by noon EST on Friday, May 10th.

 

 

Ten Questions About The Lives Of Tao, By Wesley Chu

Wesley Chu’s written a corker of a book — a twisted, funny head-tripper. And he’s a nice guy. Which means we all get to hate him. Talented? Capable? Nice? BURN HIS HOUSE DOWN. Ahem. Point is, Wes is here to answer some questions about his book, so I’ll get out of his way in 3… 2… 1…

TELL US ABOUT YOURSELF: WHO THE HELL ARE YOU?

Hello, I’m Wesley Chu. I’m a member of the Screen Actors Guild and a former stunt man, specializing in being the token Asian male. In other words, I play roles like businessman, doctor, computer geek, and getting my ass kicked. I’m good at that last one.

I get the token role because in every commercial with a group of guys, there always needs to be a token me alongside a token white guy, black guy, Latino guy, fat guy…etc. Do I mind? Nah, being token is my bread and butter.

Oh, I also wrote a book. My debut novel, The Lives of Tao, from Angry Robot Books, came out two days ago. By the way, this Saturday May 4th, I have a release party. If you’re within three hundred miles of Chicago, you should come. You don’t have to buy my book, but at least party with me.

GIVE US THE 140-CHARACTER STORY PITCH:

Fat loser meets snarky alien. Gets in shape. Fights war over control of humanity’s evolution. Gets a girlfriend. Not in order of importance.

WHERE DOES THIS STORY COME FROM?

I’ve always been a big history buff and one thing that fascinated me was the reasoning behind the events. Sure we know that Genghis and Alexander conquered faraway lands for fun, but why did they do it? Did Alexander really just enjoy visiting new places, meeting new people, beating the snot out of them, and then moving on? What were the political motives behind the Spanish Inquisition? How did the Black Plague positively affect humanity?

For me, the logic was more fascinating than the actual deed. Was it murder or manslaughter?

My original idea was to explore and retell that why, and tie it in with the present. How did we get to where we’re at now? The brouhaha going on in the Middle East is the perfect example of all the events that happened since World War II building up into the mess that it is today.

Now, what if there were wizards (the aliens) hiding behind the curtains pulling our strings. Toss in a fat lazy guy who hates his life, and let the fun begin.

HOW IS THIS A STORY ONLY YOU COULD’VE WRITTEN?

This book is a mash up from many different parts of my life. The humor and verbal banter I attribute to my acting and those many dumb nights hanging out with my boys in Vegas. The fight scenes and action are from my martial arts and stunt work background. I choreographed and re-enact every fight scene in the book. Well, I used to be able to; I’m not so limber anymore.

Roen’s transformation from his meandering life to that of a secret agent was also a mental journey as well. I went through a similar transformation when I wasn’t happy with the direction my career and life was heading. I did some soul searching and took a step back to reevaluate my job and hobbies. That was when I decided to stop practicing martial arts and begin working on a book.

WHAT WAS THE HARDEST THING ABOUT WRITING THE LIVES OF TAO?

Lee Harris, my editor at Angry Robot, made a pretty difficult request during the acquisitions phase. He asked that I take out my historical plotline that followed Tao’s progression through several famous historical figures. The book was already a big boy so something had to give in order to trim it down to a svelte 464 pages. We ended up condensing those chapters into expositions and in the end, the story was definitely better for it. The robot overlords are indeed wise! The robot overlords plan to release the historical plotlines in their entirety at a later date as supplemental stories.

WHAT DID YOU LEARN WRITING THE LIVES OF TAO?

I learned that dreams do come true if I sell my soul to the devil. Besides that, I learned that in writing, often less is more.

In fight choreography, every move has to be specifically dictated, from the positioning to the beats to the physics. You mess up one of these and someone gets hurts. So, a good fight scene needs to be fully controlled and laid out.

That is exactly what you don’t want to do in a book fight scene.  When I first started writing The Lives of Tao, I wrote out everything in a fight. From hand placement to interlocking to foot positioning, it was all there. Basically, a skilled person could reenact the entire scene. And it was a bore to read. What works on film, television, and stage, does not necessarily work for books.

My wife said I was mentally masturbating when she first read it. My agent told me to look up some of the masters like Lee Childs. I did my research and went back to the drawing board, and ended up stripping the action scenes to its base structures and amped the emotional levels. It worked much better in the end. Thanks Jack Reacher!

WHAT DO YOU LOVE ABOUT THE LIVES OF TAO?

I’m very proud of the relationship between Roen and Tao. Sure one of them is a lovable disgusting slob and the other is a gas-life snarky alien symbiote, but their relationship is real. One of the early reviews of the book labeled it a bromance like the Odd Couple or Ocean’s Eleven.

Sure, why the hell not?

Regardless of all the sci-fi elements with aliens, spies, war, and conspiracies in the book, at its core The Lives of Tao is a story about relationships. One of the important rules I made in this world was that the alien cannot control the human. Therefore, if the alien wanted his host to do something, he has to ask. This story is less Invasion of the Bodysnatchers and more Firestorm (bonus geek points for getting the reference).

WHAT WOULD YOU DO DIFFERENTLY NEXT TIME?

I would get out more often. I’m a pretty OCD kind of guy. When I focus on something, I’m basically a Phillips screwdriver; a single purpose driven machine. If I’m going to play Magic, I need to have every Magic card in existence. If I’m watching West Wing, I need to watch it all in one sitting. If I want to write a book, it’s all I think about.

I lost touch with a lot of friends writing The Lives of Tao. People got married, moved to the suburbs, had kids…etc… One day, my pasty white ass walked out of the house and the world had changed. Everyone’ was using this damn thing called an iPhone, and Terrell Owens was playing for the Cowboys. Whaaaa?

GIVE US YOUR FAVORITE PARAGRAPH FROM THE STORY:

(This is only my favourite scene because it happened in real life. Roen is getting robbed by a mugger.)

He didn’t know what was going on or who was talking, but he was so scared right now that he did whatever this voice said. He took the two bottles and smashed them together.

Thunk. They didn’t break.

What the…? Roen looked down and tried again.

Thunk. Thunk. The damn bottles wouldn’t break.

“Oh, for the love of…” Roen gritted his teeth and tried again.

Thunk. Thunk. They finally shattered into two jagged shards and he waved them in front of him triumphantly, trying to imitate that already fading image of the gladiator.

Good. Say something mean.

“Wha’… what?”

Threaten him.

“You… you give me all your money!” Roen yelled.

That is not what I meant.

WHAT’S NEXT FOR YOU AS A STORYTELLER?

Due to the positive early reviews for The Lives of Tao, the sequel, The Deaths of Tao, just had its publication date moved up to Oct 29th, 2013. Huzzah! It’ll be five years since The Lives of Tao and all hell is about to break loose. Without giving too much away, the Prophus are going into the championship rounds of a losing fight.

* * *

Wesley Chu: Website / Twitter

The Lives Of Tao: Amazon / B&N / Indiebound

Ten Questions About Penance, By Dan O’Shea

Dan O’Shea is the real fucking deal. He’s a helluva writer and a smart guy and a man I’m proud to call my friend. Further, he’s my Alpha Clone — I’m pretty sure I’m just a watered-down version of him. Regardless, I’m happy as hell to report his first novel has landed on bookshelves and here he’d like to give you some words of wisdom about PENANCE.

TELL US ABOUT YOURSELF: WHO THE HELL ARE YOU?

I’ll start with who I’m not. I’m not your usual punk kid debut author. I’m on the wrong side of 50 – thought the more time I spend over here, the more I think it’s the right side of 50. Been a writer my whole adult life – business and financial copy mostly, a lot of it about the tax code. And, really, a writer is all I ever wanted to be. But another 5,000 word white paper on transfer pricing, that’s not exactly the dream I had as a kid. I wanted to write stories. Got married young though, had kids, a couple of the kids had some problems. Seemed to me I couldn’t waste time writing stories on spec when there were clients willing to pay me cash on the nail for real work. Writing a novel felt like one of St. Paul’s childish things, one of those dreams you put away when you became a man. I messed at fiction from time to time, but I would go years at a stretch without writing a word I wasn’t getting paid for.

Pissed on my own dreams, basically.

Thing is, you get to an age when people start to die. In the space of a few months, my best friend died, my dad died, my aunt died – and a couple of those deaths weren’t natural. The whole mortality thing went from being an abstraction to being an open wound. It sunk in on more than an intellectual level that there wasn’t going to be a second lap around the track where I finally got to do what I wanted.

So I got serious about writing fiction. PENANCE is actually the first thing I ever finished.

GIVE US THE 140-CHARACTER STORY PITCH:

When the past won’t stay buried you have to kill it again.

WHERE DOES THIS STORY COME FROM?

I went to a strange high school. A Catholic military academy. The school motto was Crede de Deo, Luctari pro Eo – to believe in God and to fight for him. Always confused me. I always figured if there was one guy who could handle his own beefs, it was the almighty. Just as the good people of Sodom.

Anyway, I’m in theology class my junior year and the priest pops this question. Asks us “If you were going to die unexpectedly, say you were going to be murdered, where and when would you want that to happen?”

I was leaning toward never and nowhere, but he tells us we should want to be murdered walking out of the confessional because we’d be in a state of grace and would go to heaven. Besides adding to the pile of things that were already souring me on the idea of religion, that nugget rattled around my brain for years as a great jumping off point for a story.

When I started PENANCE, that was all I had – a killer with a bizarre religious motivation for murder. The rest of it grew out of that.

HOW IS THIS A STORY ONLY YOU COULD’VE WRITTEN?

I suppose it’s a story that any fifty-something guy who went to a Catholic military school, who had a Chicago cop for a grandfather and who had nightmares for weeks back in 1968 after watching his grandparent’s neighborhood burn on the news in the riots following the King assassination could have written.

Religion figures heavily in it, history figures heavily in it, Chicago figures heavily in it. All things I’ve thought a lot about.

WHAT WAS THE HARDEST THING ABOUT WRITING PENANCE?

Like I said, it’s the first piece of fiction I ever finished, so everything was hard. The biggest challenge was just learning the discipline, just making myself sit down every day, or almost every day at least, and knock out a couple of pages whether I felt like it or not.

Funny thing is I didn’t really have any more time when I finally got serious and wrote the thing than I did all those years I was telling myself I didn’t have time. I’m just as busy, I still have a day job, my kids still have needs, always will. So I watch a little less TV, maybe spend a little less time reading.

There is no muse, no magic. There’s you and there’s the keyboard. If you’ve got the chops to do the work then you can always do the work. Easier some days than others, of course, but you can always do the work.

I guess maybe the hardest thing was learning that, and then believing it.

WHAT DID YOU LEARN WRITING PENANCE?

Here’s one thing: a novel should be somewhere between 70,000 and 100,000 words, maybe 110,000 on the high end. OK, everybody knows that now ‘cause you kids all grew up with Google. Thing is, way back in my late twenties when I had one of my brief, abortive fits of fiction writing, I got about 20K into a story, felt like I was getting traction. But I had no idea where the finish line was. Weren’t no Google yet. The internet was still a gleam in Al Gore’s eye. So I got this bright idea. Grab a book off the shelf, count up the words on a few pages, average those out, multiply by the number of pages and bingo – you’ll have a target. I don’t know what went wrong. Maybe I counted wrong. Maybe the pages I picked were all narrative and no dialog. Maybe I forgot to consider how many partial pages there are in a finished book. Maybe I grabbed a Steven King novel. But the number I came up with was 300,000 words. I quit on the spot, knew I’d never get that far.

Let’s see, what else? Dialog – learned that, for me anyway, the sooner in a scene I get my characters talking the better.

Learned to finish what I started.

WHAT DO YOU LOVE ABOUT PENANCE?

The intersection of the city’s real history with the story, I love that. I didn’t grow up in Chicago – I grew up about 50 miles west. Now, I spent a fair amount of time in the city, even as a kid. We’d visit my grandparents, we’d go in to the museums, Cubs games. Then, as an adult, I commuted in and out of the city every day for decades.

But I remember watching the news as a kid. It was a pretty volatile time. The King riots, the ’68 Democratic convention after that, the Fred Hampton murder, Richard Speck, the ongoing civil rights struggles, the battles between the Daley regime and the parade of good government types that were always trying to unseat him, some alderman or county board member always being on trial for something. It was this other place where everything always seemed bigger, bolder, more dangerous – where none of the normal rules of civilized behavior that governed my immediate experience applied.

I realize that the Chicago in my book isn’t real exactly – some of it is, I think the sense of it is. But even when you set a book in a real place, that place is really a sort of parallel universe.

I like what Chicago is in my book.

WHAT WOULD YOU DO DIFFERENTLY NEXT TIME?

Write it when I was thirty. It would have been a different book for sure, probably not as good a book. But I can’t help but think sometimes how my life would be different if I had started my fiction-writing career a couple decades ago.

GIVE US YOUR FAVORITE PARAGRAPH FROM THE STORY:

Little more than a paragraph on account of it’s dialog, but there’s an exchange early in the book set in 1971 between a character named Clarke and Chicago’s mayor, Hurley, where Hurley’s complaining about Chicago’s iconic Picasso statue, which would still have been relatively new at the time, just a couple years old. I like the way this passage gives a sense of both the character and the city. And, like I said, it’s early in the book. It’s something I wrote in the first few weeks when I’d finally decided I was going to finish a novel. It was one of the first passages that, even as I was writing it, I was thinking, “Hey, this is some good shit. Maybe I can write a novel.”

“Fucking statue, still don’t get it,” said Hurley.

“Pardon?”

“The Picasso. Junior’s idea, you know. Public art, he says, so we can be a great city, like New York or Paris. Like we ain’t a great city already. Like I gotta put a fucking steel monkey in the middle of the Loop so we can be a great city.”

“Picasso is a genius, sir,” said Clarke. “Subjective as individual works may be, to have his work on so prominent a stage.”

“Yeah, yeah, yeah. Make all the art critics in the world gush about us. Course you could move all the art critics in the world into the same damn place and you wouldn’t have a city, you’d have a village, cause there’s maybe a couple hundred of ‘em, and the village wouldn’t need an idiot. And then they’d all starve cause they don’t know how to do nothing. What I like about it? The Picasso? I look out on a nice day in the summer, and I see the kids climbing up that slanty part at the bottom and sliding down. Got the parents standing there, trying to figure out is it a baboon or what, and their kids play on it. I like that. Some guy from the Art Institute came to tell me I gotta keep them kids off it, that it was sacrilege or some shit. Scrawny atheist fuck in my office talking about sacrilege. Told him that Picasso might be a drunk and can’t keep his pants zipped, but at least he makes a decent slide.”

WHAT’S NEXT FOR YOU AS A STORYTELLER?

I’m putting the finishing touches on my second novel, MAMMON, (coming to a book store near you in early 2014 from the good folks at Exhibit A).

Those who follow my blog or my short fiction career might also know I’m a bit of a Shakespeare fan boy and that I’ve messed around writing some stuff that features the Bard as an unwilling Elizabethan private dick. Not quite ready for a formal announcement on that yet, but let me just say you’ll be seeing more from ol’ Will.

* * *

Dan O’Shea: Website / Twitter

Penance: Amazon / B&N / Indiebound

I Want You To Lick My Ice Cream

EW NOT LIKE THAT I’M NOT FLIRTING WITH YOU

*bats eyelashes*

*flicks tongue, licks fringe of mustache*

*combs melted chocolate chips out of beard seductively*

Anyway.

So, I like to make ice cream.

I use a modified version of the Jeni’s Ice Cream base, which is, essentially, this right here. I have been known to replace the corn syrup with honey. Because, I dunno, corn is stupid and honeybees are rad? That seems like a snap judgment but there it is.

For the record, I completely and utterly recommend the Jeni’s Ice Cream cookbook.

I also totally love Lili Chin’s We All Scream ice cream site, where she takes totally fabulous and bizarre ice cream recipes and dolls them up in adorable graphic design.

Anyway.

I am currently fond of two particular flavors of ice cream I make, and both of these are based off of Jeni’s recipes but with my own li’l twists.

Here you go.

Roasted Strawberry & Creme Fraiche Ice Cream

Cut up a bunch of strawberries. Murder them. This will feel like murder particularly because your hands will be stained red with their blood and you will raise your crimson mitts to the sky and cackle madly. You’ll scream something about vengeance. And berries.

So: one pint of little green-haired red-headed murder victims.

Chop ’em up, mix with 3 tbsp of sugar, 1 tbsp of honey, a squirt of lemon juice.

Into the oven. Four hundred degrees for eight minutes.

Delight in their screams.

Only you will be able to hear them. This is totally fucking fine.

When that’s done, whip that shit out of the oven, let it cool down before you start shoving magmaberries into your greedy maw. Once appropriately un-hot, dump those suckers into the mass grave that is your blender and whip it into a frothy scarlet slurry.

Now, go forth and implement the ice cream base linked to above.

Go. Click. I’ll wait.

JESUS CHRIST HURRY UP.

Okay. Here’s the modifications to that —

In that bowl where the cream cheese goes?

You also want to plop in a dollop — 1/4 cup, to be precise — of creme fraiche. Just what the hell is “creme fraiche,” you ask? It’s French for “pretentious-ass sour cream.” (More seriously, creme fraiche is more stable and holds up better against that lemon juice.)

Then, at the step after you pour the already-thickened ice cream base into the creme cheese (and creme fraiche) mixture, you want to stir in 1/2 cup of the screaming strawberry slurry.

Mix, mix, mix. Blah blah blah.

Then you cool it down and glop it into your ice cream maker as intended.

(I use the Cuisinart ICE-21. Also, ICE-21 was my codename in the NSA. TELL NO ONE.)

Freeze. Eat. Shut up.

Earl Grey Vanilla With Mascarpone

Earl Grey was an Earl of Country Knoxfordshiresburg, exiled to the Hebrides for lewd sexual misconduct with a pelican. But still his special blend of tea lives on today in various tea bags across the world. Or something. I read some weird history books. Anyway — technically for this recipe I don’t use proper Earl Grey tea, but rather I use this stuff: Steven Smith’s Lord Bergamot tea. Lord Bergamot was Earl Grey’s rival, and it was his pelicans what got shagged by the vicious pelican-fucker known as Earl Grey. Again, or something.

I use six of these teabags. (HA HA HA TEA BAGS IT MEANS DIPPING YOUR BALLS IN STUFF except seriously please don’t dip your genital configuration into scalding hot ice cream base. For god’s sake, let it cool first.) You can use any Earl Grey teabags or really, any teabags at all. I don’t give a shit what you do, lady-dude. Your destiny is your own, I’d dare not infringe upon your liberty. Which makes me think of that old flag? The one with the snake saying DON’T TREAD ON ME? Which is pretty dumb if you think about it because if I see a talking snake the first thing I’m doing is treading all over the motherfucker. Probably with some deadly golf cleats.

I feel like I’m getting away from the point.

Six teabags. Okay.

First things first: with the cream cheese mixture you want to put in a 1/4 cup of mascarpone cheese. “Mascarpone” is Italian for “pretentious-ass result of when creme fraiche has sex with regular ol’ cream cheese.” It’s a little thicker and more robust than creme fraiche. Kay? Kay.

So, as you’re following the ice cream base recipe above and you mix all the initial stuff together (milk, cream, sugar, etc) in the saucepan, you also want to scrape one vanilla bean into the mix. Scraping the vanilla bean is a delightful process that makes your whole house and your fingers and your knives smell like vanilla. Just make sure nobody is staring in your windows as you take great pleasurable sniffs of your knife and your fingers. They will call the police.

I speak from experience.

Let it all do its thing.

Then, when the first four-minute boil is done, you want to drop those teabags (seriously, put your genitals away, this is hot stuff) into the mix and let them steep for ten minutes.

Do something awesome for ten minutes.

Skateboard on a brontosaurus’ back or some shit.

When you’re done with that, return, then once more follow the recipe to its conclusion. Get it in the ice cream maker and let it chug-chug-chug and do its frosty thang.

I like to cover my ice cream with parchment paper in the freezer.

I also do this with all the body parts I keep there. Stops freezer burn.

ANYWAY THERE YOU GO YAY ICE CREAM

*eats all the ice cream*