HA HA HA, SUCK IT, 2014.

*flings 2014 in front of a passing subway train*

*a train piloted by 2015*

*splat*

Actually, I shouldn’t be too hard on poor 2014 — while I know many others had a hellish year, I was actually pretty fortunate. The year past was full of good stuff. I did a lot of traveling — Toronto, Vancouver, Tucson, Phoenix, Colorado Springs, and more. Did quite a lot of writing, too: Zeroes, Thunderbird (aka the next Miriam Black book), The Harvest (the third Heartland book), a YA thing (as-yet-unpublished) called Dust & Grim, and I finished up my serialized novella, The Forever Endeavor. Mucho big grande word count, there. Plus: wrote a couple new short stories — “Big Man” for the Dangerous Games anthology, and “Queen of the Supermarket” for Trouble In The Heartland (which is a Springsteen-themed anthology, not one related to my young adult Heartland series). Oh oh oh, and let’s not forget that me and Adam Christopher penned the first couple issues of The Shield reboot for Archie/Dark Circle, thus fulfilling the ancient blood pacts and allowing me to have done work in novels, games, film, television, and now comics. WITH THE GATEWAYS OPEN THE WORLD SHUDDERS LIKE A DYING, FEVER-BITTEN ANIMAL AND ALL SHALL SOON END.

Or something like that.

I wrote about 750,000 words this year, between bookish stuff and bloggy things.

This was also the year I got to share a stage with the likes of Lev Grossman, Erin Morgenstern, Neil Gaiman and Margaret Atwood to celebrate her 75th birthday in New York. (My life is super-weirdo-amazing, you guys.)

Did I have a writing shed installed? Why yes, I did:

(Haven’t moved into the shed yet — still needs furniture. This week!)

On a personal level, everything has been pretty damn great. B-Dub is growing at an alarming rate, suggesting that by the year 2016 he will be gleefully stomping cities underneath his kaiju feet. Christmas with the tot was a wonderful time — he has now graduated to the BIG KID LEGO sets, leaving his Duplo bricks in the dust. (His first sets in the larger LEGO space were, of course, Minecraft because holy shit is this kid obsessed with Minecraft.) My wonderful wife continues to be fooled by my ruse, and has not yet realized that I am a terrible human being and bearded weirdo. (And this was also the year we took our first family vacation.)

The one personal hit this year was the loss of our little taco terrier, Tai, who wrestled for months with a gastrointestinal disorder that ultimately forced our hand and so we had to put our little poochie to rest. A sad day and I still sometimes hear her little paws clicking on our floors.

One thing I know for sure? 2014 was hella busy. And 2015 will be the same.

But, let’s be honest. That’s a damn good problem to have.

The Books of 2014

Publishing-wise, I had a few books out this year — The Cormorant (Miriam Black, book #3) technically released on 12/31/13, but it didn’t really reach shelves until 2014, so fuck it, I say it’s fair to call that a 2014 book. (Releasing a book on the very ass-crack of the annual transition is not ideal, by the way. Sadly easy for your book to get lost in that fissure.)

Blightborn, the second Heartland book, came out over the summer. It’s a book I’m very fond of, honestly — and no, I don’t say that about all of my books, many are books I’d like to go back and pick at again and again like a monkey grooming its child of ticks and mites. But Blightborn is for me a complete package, and is a book I’m content to psychically let it exist as it is. (I’ll note too that Blightborn is like, two bucks at Amazon right now until the end of the year. So too is the first book, Under the Empyrean Sky.)

At the same time Blightborn released, so did a short story — “The Wind Has Teeth Tonight” — a little $0.99 endeavor that is actually set before the entire series begins, chronicling the, erm, cornpunk mutant-rat-infested meet-cute between Cael and Gwennie out in an old Empyrean corn processing facility.

Finally, I self-published a couple new writing books this year, too: 500 Ways To Write Harder, and 30 Days In The Word Mines. Thanks to all those who came along and checked those out.

Plus, I sold a lot of books this year, too — many of which will come out in 2015.

Which leads me to…

The Books of 2015

What’s coming up?

Well, that’s a darn good question, isn’t it?

January, 2015: Atlanta Burns. My YA crime noir story — Veronica Mars on Adderall, Nancy Drew with a shotgun, Winter’s Bone set in Pennsyltucky. (For those asking, this is indeed a re-edit of Shotgun Gravy and Bait Dog — it takes the two of them and turns them into one more cohesive story.)

First-quarter 2015: the re-release of the first three Miriam Black books come out with Saga, the new SFF imprint under Simon & Schuster. New covers, new polish (meaning, proper copy-edits and formatting). Blackbirds, Mockingbird, The Cormorant both come out in digital first, soon followed by print (I believe trade paperback).

July, 2015: The Harvest, the third and final Heartland novel. After the Saranyu disaster and the rise of the Empyrean Initiative, how will the Heartland recover? Is Cael alive? Will the people of the corn fight back and rise up against the Empyrean?

August, 2015: Zer0es, a hackers-versus-an-NSA-artificial-intelligence thriller. Given a lot of the hacker news that’s going on, I’m pretty excited to have this one come out. Hardcover.

Fall, 2015: Thunderbird, the fourth Miriam Black novel. Hardcover, I’m told!

Fall, 2015: [REDACTED] — nope, can’t talk about this one, yet.

Plus, I’ve got scads and buckets and buttloads of writing to do this year — stuff I’m super-excited to write and finish. I get to tackle new Miriam Black, new Atlanta Burns, a SF-thriller I’ve been geeked to write for years but never had the chance, and that little [REDACTED] thing up there I mentioned, too. Plus I might end up releasing my short story collection (Crass Menagerie) and a story-focused writing book I’ve been working on, The Penmonkey’s Guide To Giving Good Story. And I’m sure some other tricks and treats will trickle in along the way.

The Travel of 2015

Gonna be all over the map in 2015, so, let’s get to it:

4/30: Paradise Lost writing workshop in San AntionioTX.

6/27: Seton Hill University to give a talk

7/15: Camp NECon, Portsmouth, RI: writer guest of honor!

7/23: Midwest Writer’s Workshop (Muncie, IN) as faculty

7/30: GenCon, Indianapolis, IN (Writer’s Symposium; tentative)

9/12: Bethlehem, PA RWA Keynote

9/25: Context 28, Columbus, OH: writer guest of honor

[edit: Context is done, apparently — they had issues with a sexual harassment case that wisely caused the board to dissolve and a new one to form, except now the new one is being blocked and the convention is game over, goodbye, according to Steven Saus]

Probably some other stuff I’m missing there, too, and surely more will pop up.

Most Popular Posts of 2014

The blog hits were up again this year, from around 3.5 million to 4 million — which is, y’know, pretty darn happymaking for me. I’m glad as hell you people have been fooled again and again into thinking I’m saying anything at all of value, and further, it’s nice to see people coming by here and creating a kind of slapdash, impromptu writers-and-other-miscreants-style community.

I published 361 (!) posts.

Top 10 posts of those published in 2014:

1. 25 Things You Should Know About Toddlers

2. A PSA About Nude Photos

3. Not All Men, But Still Too Many Men

4. On The Subject Of Cultivating Empathy

5. Art Held Hostage: Why Sony Not Releasing “The Interview” Is Scary

6. The Cankerous Slime-Slick Shame Pit That Is GamerGate

7. Ten Things I’d Like To Say To Young Writers

8. Ten Things To Never Say To A Writer

9. In Which Amazon Calls You To Defend The Realm

10. Boy Toys, Girl Toys And Other Cuckoopants Gender Assumptions

What’s interesting is that only two of the posts above are writing-related, and only one is publishing-related. Many are all social issuey stuff. Optimistically, maybe people actually give a shit about my opinions or, at the least, believe I’m not a total boner when it comes to talking about larger issues. More pessimistically, some have suggested 2014 was the year of outrage, and maybe blogging about hotter-button issues just gets clicks. (I occasionally get emails from people who suggest I write those posts because they get me advertising clicks. Apparently they don’t realize I don’t have advertising on the site, so the clicks are in no way monetized.)

That being said, some of the actual top ten posts weren’t from 2014 — a post from 2011, 25 Ways To Plot, Plan & Prep Your Story saw a huge resurgence in views this year (~61,000!?) out of nowhere. Other big bumps to posts about aspiring writers, writing horror, writing YA fiction, and on writing your first chapter.

And That’s That — How About You?

Thanks for coming by here and reading the blog and (hopefully) scouting my books, too. Writers aren’t jack shit without their readers, and, in fact, writers aren’t jack shit without other writers, either. So: I am made better by all of you. Except you, over there, in the corner. You’re bringing us all down. YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE. *gives you the side-eye*

Ahem. So!

How’d 2014 go for you?

What’s coming up for 2015?

The two winners, as chosen by YOUR VOTES, are:

#14 and #26!

and

#14 (Chris V.) and #26 (Erin): email me at terribleminds at gmail!

Plus, we have two random draw winners…

So, #18 and #3 are the random draw winners!

Mandy and Anthony, please hit me up at terribleminds at gmail!

Congratulations, nerdlingers. You guys brought it.

*rains geek particles down upon you*

*it’s really just glitter*

*sorry*

And, I’m out.

For this week, at least, I’m taking off — I just posted the holiday confectionary share-around post, so you should feel free to jump on into those yummy waters. But otherwise, for this week, terribleminds is gonna go and get good and sick on egg nog and rib roast and pass out under the Christmas tree, nude but for a draping of tinsel and strategically-placed blinky lights. And by “terribleminds,” I mean me. Because terribleminds is not a person. I don’t even know why I said that. This blog hasn’t become animated. It isn’t alive. Not yet. Not until I can properly summon the lightning demons.

Anyway.

(Yes, I’ll still be dealing with the Nerdtivity votes this week, no worries.)

Go forth, and Happy Whatever-The-Hell-You-Celebrate. Christmas, Hanukkah, Kwanzaa, Festivus, Solstice, an Agnostic Shrug-Fest, some kind of Godless Atheist Orgy. (I really need to get an invite to the Godless Atheist Orgy next year. Uh-huh, sure, sure, my “invitation keeps getting lost in the mail.” Sure, yeah, fine, I’ll renounce all gods, okay? Yes, yes, even Artemis.)

I occasionally get folks who email me and say, I want to get you something for the holidays, which is of course super-sweet unless it’s a mail-bomb of Hep-C, but I guess even then it’s the thought that counts? And seriously, it’s very nice the folks who say that, and to them I say only that: if you want to get me something, then maybe buy one of my books. Or leave a review! We authors love reviews. The very existence of this site is because of you kind people doing both of those things, and so, either of those would make me holly jolly as all-get-out.

I mean, either that, or buy me a jetboat.

Book, review, jetboat. In that order. Except put the jetboat first. Because I need something to drive to the Godless Atheist Orgy next year, and I’m pretty sure a jetboat is a way to arrive in style.

Thanks for reading the blog. Thanks for checking out my books.

I’ll see you next week to close out the year with various thoughts that will allow us to throw 2014 on the funeral pyre and watch the firebird of 2015 rise from its charred carcass-ash.

Merry Whatever, Good People of the Internet!

*throws an elf up in the air*

Pull!

*detonates elf with shotgun blast*

WE HAVE SUCH SIGHTS TO SHOW YOU.

Ahem. Okay, sorry.

It’s that time again to share recipes of sweet treats that one might make during the holidays. Or before them. Or after them. Or any time of the year ever. This means cookies, pies, cakes, etc.

All you gotta do is drop a recipe or a link to a recipe in the comments below. What cookies do you make for the holidays to mesmerize house guests and lure them into your holly jolly murder pit? What pies will besiege your mouth and the mouths of your friends with their heretical pie-magic? WHAT SUGARY ARTIFICE DO YOU CONJURE TO BEWILDER PASSERSBY SO THAT YOU MAY HARVEST THEIR BONES FOR PEPPERMINT STICKS?

That maybe got a little intense.

Mea culpa.

Point is:

You. Recipe. Sweet thangs. Comment section.

Now, here’s what I’m sharing:

This recipe is listed as the BEST CHOCOLATE CHIP COOKIE RECIPE EVER.

And it pretty much is.

I’ve been searching for the perfect chocolate chip cookie recipe for years — and kinda never found one. Good ones, sure, because it’s hard to make a bad chocolate chip cookie. But a perfect one? Made at home?

Yeah, that one counts. Made them last year. Made them again this year.

(Bonus: I’ve a relative who notes that you can take the vanilla extract out of the equation and sub in a little thing called motherfucking bourbon and the cookies become basically divine. Which tells me that any recipe that calls for vanilla extract might be all the more delicious if you stick bourbon in it, instead. Or maybe just drink bourbon and skip the cookies. Whatever.)

Only things I’ll add regarding that recipe:

Do weigh the flour.

Use good chocolate.

Use good brown sugar — in fact, sub in a 1/2 cup of muscovado brown sugar as part of the brown sugar content of the recipe. (Good muscovado smells really lovely — heady molasses scent.)

Do not eat all the cookies the moment they exit the oven.

That last one, I speak from experience.

*urp*

Now, share your recipes or I’ll pull this lever.

*eyes lever*

*eyes trapdoor under your feet*

*eyes lever again*

Last week’s challenge: randomized title challenge!

This week is easy enough:

I want you to pull up a random song. You can do this on iTunes, Spotify, Pandora, whatever music service or library you choose. Then I want you to take the title of the song it randomly chooses and make that title your story title. You aren’t required to take inspiration from the song’s music or lyrics, though that’s certainly an option.

That’s it, really.

I am going to make this the last flash fiction challenge of the year, so I’m going to open up the word count a good bit — 3,000 words or less. So, you’ve got a higher ceiling than usual (and this isn’t really flash fiction anymore, at least in terms of length). The deadline, though, we’ll keep at a week just so the speed of the thing remains in play somewhat.

Due by next Friday, noon EST.

Write it at your online space.

Drop a link back here in the comments.

If you’re so inclined to also link to a place where we can hear the song: extra cool.

Grab a song and write.

And have a great holiday, word-nerds. SEE YOU ON THE OTHER SIDE.

Trapped outside the world, unlikely hero Thaddeus Wright must partner with sexy Secret Agent Peter Pan to save a new generation of Lost Boys.

Thaddeus Wright would love to forget his childhood. A bi-racial bastard orphaned at four, he was the very definition of sin, according to the strict and disapproving grandparents who raised him. Twenty years later, Thad works with at-risk youth as both coach and counselor. Even after his grandparents’ spare-the-rod, spoil-the-child parenting, Thad just wants to help people. But when three young boys he coaches go missing, he’s the prime suspect.

Especially when he goes missing himself!

That’s when paranormal policing agency Borderless Observers Org. (BOO) sends in recent recruit Peter Batique on his first solo mission. Peter had another name once, but he’s all grown up now and looking to prove himself an adult and a capable agent. However, after a hundred years as an unruly boy in Neverland, growing up holds some pretty unique challenges for Peter.

Despite their differences, Thad and Peter must learn to work together to rescue a whole new generation of Lost Boys and take down the black market shadow dealer responsible.

USA Today gave it 5 stars, calling it “a mash-up of a detective novel, horror story and modern-day romance.”

JOSS WHEDON KNOWS!

You like Firefly? Buffy? The Avengers? I do. A. Lot. Why, you ask? (Yes, you did.) Because of the fun/fright balance. Oh, sure, the characters, the dialogue, the setting, the plotty goodness… They’re fine, too. But it’s the dark-to-light ratio—the humor vs. horror—that sucks me right in. And a lot of other people too, if box office numbers are any indication. It’s funny when Captain Tight Pants boots a guy into Serenity’s engine. Isn’t it? Isn’t it?

DRAMEDY IS A THING…

It’s a sliding scale—light and fun on one end, heart-wrenching, gut-ripping darkness on the other. With the dramedy sliding scale, the light-to-dark ratio changes. Dean Winchester gets sucked into Hell—deadly serious stuff. But he quips as he goes. Guffaw! Lightly dark or darkly light. Guardians of the Galaxy is a comedy in which thousands of people die. Constantine is dark, dark, dark… until it’s not. Lost Boys 2.0 is a tragic story that’ll make you laugh and cheer. Or it’s a funny story that’ll make you sleep with the lights on.

…AND SO IS FUN-TASY!

Whether it’s shelved in horror or romance or sci-fi, if it’s funny and it’s fantasy, it’s fun-tasy. Look, the Queen gave Sir Terry Pratchett a knighthood for being funny. Who’s going to argue with Liz? I hear she’s a huge Discworld fan.

CROSSING GENRES IS GREAT!

Let’s screw with reader expectations. With mashed-up genre books there’s something for everyone. Well, maybe not for the guy who’s allergic to vowels. I love a book that has plots within plots, unexpected twists and turns. Why take anything out of your writerly toolbox? My fave thing about Chuck’s Blue Blazes was the romantic sub-plot. “Bwa-huh?” you say? Go back and read it again.

THE SAME ONLY DIFFERENT

Writing two heroes offers different challenges, different perspectives and an entirely different dynamic. Who rescues who? (Or is that whom?) Twice the heroes, twice the testosterone, a heck of a lot more conflict.

And yet still the same writerly challenges: the characters, the dialogue, the setting, the plotty goodness…

And when all else fails, blow something up.

* * *

She’s two people, actually. Aren’t you? Storm Grant pens long and short tales. Her work spans genders and genres, offering good guys and bad puns. Her alter ego, Gina X. Grant, writes funny urban fantasy.

Storm Grant: Website | Twitter | Facebook

Lost Boys 2.0: Amazon | B&N | iTunes