Apple-Obsessed Author Fella

Author: terribleminds (page 174 of 454)

WORDMONKEY

Joe Hart: Five Things I Learned Writing The Last Girl

A mysterious worldwide epidemic reduces the birthrate of female infants from 50 percent to less than 1 percent. Medical science and governments around the world scramble in an effort to solve the problem, but twenty-five years later there is no cure, and an entire generation grows up with a population of fewer than a thousand women.

Zoey and some of the surviving young women are housed in a scientific research compound dedicated to determining the cause. For two decades, she’s been isolated from her family, treated as a test subject, and locked away—told only that the virus has wiped out the rest of the world’s population.

Captivity is the only life Zoey has ever known, and escaping her heavily armed captors is no easy task, but she’s determined to leave before she is subjected to the next round of tests…a program that no other woman has ever returned from. Even if she’s successful, Zoey has no idea what she’ll encounter in the strange new world beyond the facility’s walls. Winning her freedom will take brutality she never imagined she possessed, as well as all her strength and cunning—but Zoey is ready for war.

Don’t be afraid to tell a big story.

Ideas come in all shapes and sizes. Some start as a small niggling thought or a single character that continues to whisper in your ear no matter the time of day or night, while others suddenly block out the sun with their enormity, and that can be absolutely terrifying. Mostly because the larger the story the more risks a writer has to take. Many times there are more characters, more plot twists, global implications/fallout, and countless other factors that match the scale of the idea as it grows. I know when I first had the idea for The Last Girl it was thrilling but extremely daunting. Was I ready to tell this large of a tale? Could I execute it properly? Insecurity is the jacket a writer dons when they take up the craft, and I don’t think any of us ever removes it until we’ve typed the last sentence we’ll ever write, but the thing to remember is no matter how large the scope of the idea, you create it just like any other story; with one word after the next. Treat an enormous story as you would any narrative, keep a finger on the pulse of the big picture, but when you’re writing, narrow your gaze to the scene and make it the very best you can. In the end it will all come together.

Writing a novel is like cooking.

I know this analogy’s been made before but it’s definitely true, and it’s never been so apparent to me as while writing the first book in a trilogy. Balancing characters and overarching storylines that stretch all the way from the first book to the third is like creating just the right amount of spice in a meal. Too much and it’s overwhelming, too little, it’s bland. Heat up the plot too fast and it burns on the outsides while it’s soggy in the middle. Your subplots are your sides, complementing the main dish while adding their own texture and flavor to the overall experience. And just like any good meal there is always a recipe for a story, but I’ve found adding your own flare and special ingredient can make all the difference in the world. In other words, don’t be afraid to experiment here and there, you might be surprised with the end result.

Sometimes telling your story is a great way to discover new details.

My wife is amazing. Number one she agreed to marry me. Number two she’s willing to listen to me go on and on about the story I’m writing, giving little suggestions and input along the way as I ramble. It’s become a habit in our household that after my day of writing my wife reads the chapter/chapters completed, then we discuss where the story’s headed. This has been crucial for me. Not that I don’t know where the novel is going, but for the fact that by discussing the characters and their actions and what will eventually transpire, new light is shone upon the narrative. Little details snap into place like lock tumblers. Time and time again I’ve been energized and elated after talking about what’s next in the book and have made notes for nuances that I may not have thought of without telling the story aloud. I think this might go all the way back to where storytelling came from, because it truly originated as a spoken art before it was ever translated onto a cave wall, paper, and eventually computer screens.

The human species as a whole is quite delicate.

Genetics is a mind-blowing subject. The subtle and precise process on the genetic level that occurs for life to flourish in a healthy way astounds me. I did a lot of research for The Last Girl, and even though I didn’t delve into the real hard science in the first book, it was still a necessity for more answers to be revealed in the second and so forth. As a species our survival not only depends on food, water, clothing, shelter, and love, it also hinges on whether or not everything goes according to plan at the very first days of our lives or even before that. The delicacy of biological pathways, gene expression, and chromosomes in general was frightening to learn about in the sense of scale. At that level a misplaced gene could be absolutely catastrophic for the individual. One only has to look at the reports coming in about the Zika virus to see the implications of genetics being affected in the early stages of life. On the scientific front, leaps and bounds that have been made in the last few decades are unprecedented and have benefited millions, but at the same point the fact that editing a genome would change the human germline through inheritance is a potentially frightening scenario to say the least.

You’re not going to please everyone.

This is a universal truth, and attempting to do so will cause you an endless amount of grief. We are entertainers, artisans of words. We build worlds and destroy them on a daily basis. We create love, hate, joy, and sorrow with the tips of our fingers. If you love writing and are willing to put in the long hours laboring over your novel, willing to endlessly rewrite a chapter until it flows perfectly, willing to put your work out in front of the entire world to be judged, then you have to accept that there will be people who won’t like what you’ve created. It might be timing, or perhaps they don’t enjoy your style of storytelling, or maybe they want the story to be something different than it is. This is okay. It’s okay because if you love your work enough to make it the very best it can be, someone else will love it too, and they won’t be the only ones.

* * *

Joe Hart was born and raised in northern Minnesota. Having dedicated himself to writing horror and thriller fiction since the age of nine, he is now the author of eight novels that include The River Is DarkLineage, and EverFallThe Last Girl is the first installment in the highly anticipated Dominion Trilogy and once again showcases Hart’s knack for creating breathtaking futuristic thrillers. When not writing, he enjoys reading, exercising, exploring the great outdoors, and watching movies with his family.

Joe Hart: Blog | Twitter

The Last Girl: Amazon | Goodreads

Episode 0: Luke Skywaker And The Return Of The Rainbow Gaysaber

*puts down coffee cup, startled by your presence*

Oh! Hello. I didn’t see you there.

What’s that? You have an email for me? An email about the Star Wars novel I wrote, Star Wars: Aftermath, which is both a defacto sequel to both Return of the Jedi and the TV show Perfect Strangers? Sure, sure, I’ll take a look — I get emails every week from adoring fans such as yourself, so here, hand it over, I’ll take a look and —

Oh.

It’s one of those emails.

I get these, too, every week.

But! I shall persevere, and though I believe I’m not supposed to, ahem, respond to negative reviews, it’s hard not to considering how many people want to deliver them straight to my inbox. And besides, I need blog content for this week anyway, so here we are.

I will take your email, Unnamed Individual, and go through it bit by bit.

Let’s see where we go, shall we?

Long before I could make memories, I was a Star Wars fan.

Me, too. I had a lightsaber in the womb. That is how I carved my way free from my mother’s belly, as if she were a Wampa cave and I was an imprisoned young Jedi.

These films were a major part of my upbringing, and it plays a major role in my life now as I go forth aspiring to be a filmmaker. And I’ve loved Episode 7, Rebels, The Clone Wars and many of Disney’s Star Wars media. Now, I know that Star Wars, is just a movie, but has this amazing power to bring people of diverse cultures and backgrounds together and share in the joy of fantasy. So when I read your book (Star Wars: Aftermath), I felt almost offended as well as disappointed.

Well, that’s not good. I too like that it brings together people of diverse cultures and backgrounds, and I would hate to have violated that in some fundamental way. Disappointed, sure, I can handle that. But offended? Oh my. ZOUNDS. ZOINKS. JINKIES! I apologize in advance, and now let us get to the heart of this offense, shall we? Because I’m very sure that the offense is purely based in the way I wrote the book, not in anything untoward or political, right? Right. Let’s go through it.

I thought that the writing style was jarring and choppy; the diction in no way suited to the tone of the book and syntax and grammar created something really off beat. It was bizarre and rough on the eyes –especially when the droid would talk AND IT WOULD BE IN ALL CAPS. It’s incredibly jarring.

SORRY SOMETIMES I VERY MUCH LIKE TO WRITE IN ALL CAPS. ESPECIALLY WHEN WRITING IN THE VOICE OF A LOVABLE-IF-DERANGED BODYGUARD VIOLENCE-PERFORMING DROID. I AM SORRY IF IT IS ROUGH ON THE EYES. NEXT TIME I WILL ENDEAVOR TO WRITE LIKE A SILKEN SHEET RATHER THAN A SCOURING SINK SCRUBBY.

As for the writing style being jarring and choppy — well, I covered that recently. Stylistically it’s one of the things I tend to like, and I’m very sorry you don’t dig it.

I thought the plot was incredibly weak (as well as predictable) and I found the characters to be thinner than the paper that you wrote them on.

Point of trivia: I did not write the story or the characters on paper, but rather, on my fancy COMPUTER MACHINE. It is not made of paper, but instead comprises electrons and steel and the ghosts of old, dead, forgotten novels.

I found it absurd that three of the five characters that served as heroes all had some origin story connected to the battle of endor, and I found it even more ridiculous (and unnecessary) that the bounty hunter had Princess Leia in her scopes and then chose not to take the shot just for the hell of it (which by the way felt like it was lifted straight out of the Force Unleashed Two comic book –because the same exact thing happened in it)

All of the characters being connected is a conscious choice, because in some ways, that’s how Star Wars works and has always worked — a small group of characters come together, bound by common purpose or shared event, and they change the galaxy. In the novel Lost Stars, the two characters are present for most of the major events in the recent Star Wars universe. In the films, Yoda was pretty much everywhere.

He’s under the carpet right now.

Watching.

Waiting.

As for Jas Emari, the bounty hunter, not taking her shot — that isn’t a plot hole or a Hamilton reference. It’s on purpose. It’s necessary because it is a breach in the character’s protocol. Storytelling is an act of violating the status quo, and Emari’s status quo as a bounty hunter is have a target, take the shot. That circuit gets interrupted with Leia. And why?

If only the novel explained it…

HEY WAIT

“You think, yes, I’ll kill this spunky rebel princess-warrior like the Empire wants, but then you watch the rebels turn the tide and you realize the winning side isn’t the winning side anymore and if you wanna survive, you’d damn well better change your skin or just plain disappear.”

She doesn’t take the shot because she sees the tide turning. She is on the wrong side of history — and, practically speaking, she doesn’t know if the Empire will be around to pay for the bounty.

Further, it’s suggestive that Jas as a character is deeper than the bounties she takes.

Certainly more strategic. And possibly a better person than she admits.

As for The Force Unleashed Two comic book? Never read it, sorry.

In addition to the characters being thin, they all kind of felt like less interesting off brand versions of other characters already in existence. Norra Wexley (which isn’t even a Star Warsian name), was basically Hera, but worse, Temmin was like Ezra, but unlikable, and Mr. Bones (another ill name) was horrible incarnation of HK-47 but with a hint of Jar Jar Binks.

I admit: I bought my Star Wars characters at an Aldi store. Instead of Trix, it’s COLORFUL FRUCTOSE ORBS. Instead of Triscuits, it’s ASBESTOS ROOF SHINGLE SALTCOOKIES. I just took other characters, filed off the serial numbers, and re-used them. I was hoping nobody noticed? BUT YOU GOT ME. *insert shrug emoji*

Also, what, exactly, is a Star Wars-ian name? And why does Norra Wexley not have one? Not everybody is named like, FLORGIM FINFAM or ZOOP MAGOO or something. Sometimes they have names like Colonel Kaplan or oh, I dunno, Luke Skywalker.

To make matters worse, I felt like your grasp on the world you were exploring was tenuous; you would use a lot of analogies that only serviced the fans and when it came down to establishing the narrative’s universe, you just kind of tried to force in the aesthetics rather than letting them grow out of the story naturally.

Here’s the problem sometimes with writing metaphors or analogies in the Star Wars universe: you can choose one of three ways to go with it.

First, you can use a very Earthy metaphor: “He was like a HAMSTER caught in a JOCKSTRAP.”

Second, you can use something purely Star Wars-ian in nature: “He was like a GRAKKUS caught in a LASER SPINDLE.” Or, for the variant on this, you can choose something familiar in the Star Wars universe: “He was like a BANTHA on a SPEEDER BIKE.”

Or, third, you can try to jostle the metaphor around so that it serves both — it’s Earthy enough to be understood, but Star Wars in feeling. So, it’s like, “He was like a SANDEATER FALCON caught in a PROTEIN RECYCLER,” which tells you, okay, that bird is not an Earth bird but with ‘falcon’ we at least know that it is a bird, and protein recycler is not a known thing but it’s close enough we can figure out what it is.

Trick is, certain fans get mad at each approach differently. If something is too Earthy, they buck because this is Star Wars and nothing is ever Earthy (except for milk and hot chocolate and falcons and X-Wings and A-Wings and Y-Wings and tea and brandy and Cognac and — well). I mentioned a hamster in the book and people are mad because I “canonized” hamsters, which sounds like I put hamsters up for Catholic sainthood.

If you do something too Star Warsy, people don’t like it because really, what the hell are you even talking about? What is a Grakkus? What is a Laser Spindle? If I say “Bantha,” but the character isn’t from Tatooine, someone will complain, “In a galaxy of thousands of systems, how does Zoop Magoo even know what a Bantha is?”

If you do the mix, you do the best you can contextualizing the metaphor for both fans of the world and average readers and so that the metaphor can be understood.

But, it’s a tricky balance. I tried! Sometimes, I failed. Sorry!

A case of point would be the colloquialisms such as “space diaper” or “space bus” –words nobody in this universe would utter because like here on earth, diapers and buses are the norm in day to day life –there wouldn’t be need to be more specific. In the case of the space bus, shuttle would probably be the more apt term and in the case of the space diaper…well I don’t know…when I read those words I almost threw the book at the wall…

I’m glad you didn’t actually throw the book against the wall. It is a large book and you might have hurt your wall and I don’t want VIOLENCE AGAINST WALLS OR BOOKS on my conscience.

As for “space bus” — that phrase does not exist in the book.

As for “space diapers” — goddamn right that phrase exists in the book.

If I could include that phrase in all my books, I would. Maybe I can…

Anyway.

It exists in the book because:

a) It’s funny. I still laugh at it, and I laugh even harder knowing it bugs people. Plus, the humor factor has context for me. In the book, it’s older Dengar saying it to a younger bounty hunter in a scene that is a deliberate riff on the climax of one of my favorite movies, Grosse Pointe Blank, where Grosser (Dan Ackroyd) tries to recruit Martin Blank (John Cusack) into his mercenary assassin’s guild. In this mode, Dengar is Grosser, trying to convince his younger counterpart to join in a bounty hunter union, basically. Further, my version of Dengar is the Clone Wars cartoon version — which is to say, voiced by Simon Pegg. So, Simon Pegg saying “space diapers” is, for me, just the best. That version of him — listen to it here — is ego-fed and cocky. And “space diapers” is fundamentally funnier than just “diapers.” IT JUST IS.

b) Space diapers are actually a thing, anyway. Astronauts use them.

People get very mad about that phrase, “space diapers” — so much so that you start to wonder if these critics are all reading from the same playbook. Either that, or “space diapers” is your safeword and it bucks you out of the storytelling? Spaaaace diaaaapers.

Moving on.

According to Wookieepedia you wrote your 360 page  book in under 45 days, so it perplexes me that you have the energy to defend this novel when you clearly spent very little time developing it. Dr. Seuss wrote his 50 page epic Cat in The Hat over the course of a year, and personally I think that may have made a better Star Wars book. You can’t rush a piece of art if you want it to turn out.

I did not spend 45 days in total on the book. I spent months workshopping it with the publisher and Story Group. I wrote the first draft in 45 days, and then there was a second draft, and a copy edit. (And no, that copy edit did not catch everything, which is a shame, but a woeful reality of publishing where perfection is just not possible.)

I tend to spend around 30-60 days writing most of my novels. Again: first drafts. I think Life Debt took me about 90 days on the first draft, but that’s because I had hellacious pneumonia smack dab in the middle of it and that halted forward progress.

Writing quickly is not that weird.

Nor is writing slowly. Every author writes at a different speed because writing is not digging holes. I worked in freelance game writing for over a decade and learned to write quickly and cleanly to hit deadlines. It serves me well now as a speed skill that I practiced over many years.

And no, Cat in the Hat is not a better Star Wars story, and now you’re just being silly.

The good news here is, I appreciate you engaging with the book on a critical level without bringing up any of that homophobic stuff, because —

Oh, no.

Oh, oh, no.

*takes off glasses*

*sighs loudly*

Goddamnit.

I know how this might sound, but I also had a problem with the homosexuality in the book. Not because I have a problem with gay people or anything –in matter of fact I do have a friend that is lesbian and I think she is a delight, but I am appalled by the pandering and pedaling of your own political agenda into something so pure as Star Wars. Star Wars is supposed to be above the politics, but in this novel you made it about that when you needlessly added homosexuals just for the hell of it. Temmin’s aunts served no purpose, the two fathers served no purpose. The only one that did was Sinjir and even his orientation made no sense in context. Considering that it felt like a romance was set up in the beginning of the book between him and Jas, your decision diminished the payoff. And even worse than that, the scene where he reveals this was just horribly executed. It was by far some of the most clunky dialogue I had ever read or seen (maybe even worse than Anakin in Attack of the Clones). The offense comes in at this point: you crammed your politics into a franchise that is universal that is supposed to be above the politics –a subject that would so obviously divide us –and to make it worse when we tell you that your book is no good, you call it a weaponized nostalgia from the Evil Empire comprised of hateful bigots. But the truth is, we do not dislike your book because of the politics as you believe it is, but it is because this book was sloppy and poorly written.

And, there it is.

The kicker, the corker, the game ball, the goal unit.

So, let’s unpack this a little.

You don’t have a problem with gay people in your life — because you have one lesbian pal, and boy howdy is she a delight — but you do have a problem with gay people in your fiction. Sorry, “crammed” in your Star Wars fiction. The inclusion of homosexual characters in the book offended you. An inclusion that, according to you, is forced in and overly political and agenda-driven and yet, paradoxically, done “needlessly” and “just for the hell of it.” (Newsflash: agendas are never just for the hell of it, sport.)

These characters serve no purpose? Temmin’s aunts raised him. The two fathers that died are missed because they were fathers. They were parents. Sinjir is gay because he’s gay. It’s not for the hell of it, but it’s also not because his homosexuality is a plot point. Listen, I’m not some kind of culture hero, and nor is this book some kind of paean to homosexuality. But it includes them as people, as real people, as married people or as people who can love one another and not be marked by stereotypes. That’s their purpose. To be real, complex, compelling characters. It’s the same purpose of the straight characters. Or the asexual droids. They are there to be characters — realized, interesting, and with their own agendas and agency. I did the literal bare minimum here in including these characters and even still, I get weekly fucking emails from people who just can’t hack it. The very thought of there being a man inside Star Wars wanting to kiss — whether sweetly or sloppily — another man is so utterly sphincter-clenching that I’m surprised you folks don’t just implode into your own asshole like a star collapsing into its own center.

And you know the one earmark with all these comments?

The comments always come part and parcel with The Defense.

The Defense of, “I’m not homophobic. Your book just sucks.”

And yet, the most substantive, thought-out portion of Random Guy’s email critique is, drum roll please, a harangue against the inclusion of homosexual characters. A minor portion of the novel gets the major part of your attention.

That, dear emailer, is homophobia.

That is bigotry.

That is hatred.

You worry about how it sounds?

You should! Because it sounds super-homophobic!

You can pretend it’s not. If that helps you sleep better at night, far be it for me to disturb your restful, hate-fueled slumber. But you can object and gesticulate all you like: if the thought of characters being gay upsets you, then that is textbook homophobia. And you can hate the book for all kinds of reasons, and I get that. Not everybody is going to like every book, and maybe I was a controversial choice to write Star Wars because of my style. But what shouldn’t ever be controversial is the act of including gay characters. The moment you poison your critique with that bigotry, everything else you said is now out the window. Because I see one thing: “I am a homophobe, and I’m going to mention these other criticisms in order to try to quaintly pave over my raging prejudice. I’m going to tell you I don’t like sentence fragments, but what I really want to tell you is that I hate that you have two women who are married and who love each other because ew gross yucky face. I mean, also sentence fragments, but really, two dudes kissing.”

No, I don’t believe that everyone who didn’t like this book didn’t like it because of its “politics” — and, by the way, Star Wars has always been political, and science-fiction is profoundly political as a genre — but I do believe that the moment you mention it, you’ve proven that you’re the one with the agenda here. You’re the one with the toxic, nauseating politics that would exclude other people because they make you uncomfortable. (Sidenote, at Amazon, the troll mobs continue on. Someone wrote an admittedly luke-warm five-star review recently, and that review has 18 comments from the self-identified trolls — trolls who mob every positive review and use words like SJW and “cry-bully” and other phrases often earmarked by bigots while simultaneously calling me out for claiming that they are, in fact, bigoted idiots.)

And of course, that brings us to Luke Skywalker and his Rainbow Gaysaber.

Mark Hamill came out recently and said that Skywalker could be gay or bisexual.

Something something ruining Star Wars.

Something something ruining Ghostbusters.

Something something Idris Elba ruining James Bond or the Gunslinger.

It’s all the same shit.

It’s all people from the status quo bleachers mad because their team doesn’t have the ball anymore — never mind the fact we’ve been hogging the ball for too damn long now.

See, earlier I said that storytelling is an act of breaking the status quo. This is part of that, too. White gender-normative dudes have had the run on not just protagonists, but villains, supporting characters, everything. We’re like wallpaper. We’re roaches in the walls. We’re everywhere. But the power of story is the power of breaking the status quo — even when that status quo is about the stories themselves. It’s time to break the status quo. The Force Awakens succeeds because it’s a great story, yes, and also because the protagonists up on the screen are not a bunch of white boy Luke Skywalker clones running around, being white and kissing their sisters. There is great power in breaking the rules, in shattering toxic norms, in doing what other people aren’t: representing all kinds of people inside fiction. Time to pass the ball. Time to let other people see themselves inside stories, and just as importantly, it’s time for you to get comfortable with that — because everyone else has had to be comfortable with it for far too long, now.

Star Wars, to quote the guy who emailed me, does bring people from diverse cultures and backgrounds together. And everybody of those cultures and backgrounds deserve to be seen on the screen and on the page and in comic book panels. This isn’t a joke. This isn’t glib. This is their lives. Not everybody is you. And as I said before, if you can imagine a Star Wars where Luke Skywalker hates gay people, I got bad news for you, hoss: you watched a different Star Wars than I did. You fell to the Dark Side. You joined the Empire. And I hope one day that Big Gay Luke Skywalker shows up at your battlestation door and he shines his rainbow gaysaber at you and you can do nothing but melt beneath its warm rays of inclusiveness and kindness and you come to realize that love is good and gay people exist and dang, were you a huge asshole.

But, if you’re not on board with that, here is a picture of heterosexual love to make you feel better about your choices. Please click and enjoy warm, comfortable familiarity.

Oh, and thanks for the email, Random Guy. Glad you liked Aftermath, and Life Debt will be out this summer. WITH EXTRA SPACE DIAPERS ALL FOR YOU.

Bye! Off to ruin more Star Wars.

*sings Perfect Strangers theme song*

*bounds away on a grunting gay tauntaun*

Macro Monday: The Tangle, With Bonus Tucson Book Fest Schedule

Waterdrop photos are one of my favorite things. I don’t know why. Maybe because a waterdrop is such an inauspicious, uninteresting thing — until you lean in real close and see how perfectly and how impossibly it forms. Droplets cling and perch and rest like precious baubles.

I’ll be posting more of these as time goes on, surely.

This one above is new-ish — taken with the new camera. That drop is clinging to a curl of desiccated poison ivy, for which I suffered a small ivy outbreak on my finger a week or two later. (Oops.) It gives off a vibe of being from some elder fae wood, some magical (if decrepit) hedge of thorn, twist and tangle.

ANYWAY.

So, hey, this weekend upcoming I will be at the Tucson Book Festival which takes place in —

Well, duh, Tucson, Arizona. C’mon, people. Stay frosty.

If you’re around that area, I hope you’ll come and say hi.

It’s free.

If you care to have my schedule, here ’tis:

Event #1:

Online Reader Communities

Location: Koffler Room 216
Date/Time: Saturday, 10:00 am to 11:00 am
Panelists: Ron HoganJeremy ThomasChuck Wendig
Signing area: Sales & Signing Area – Koffler Patio (following presentation)

Like any other interest group, book lovers have their own online social networks. On these networks bibliophiles of all stripes meet and interact with other like-minded readers; rate, review, and recommend books; share reading lists; and find their next great reads. There are sites, like Goodreads, dedicated exclusively to readers, as well communities of readers who congregate on large social networks, like Facebook and Tumblr. This panel will explore the latest developments in this rapidly growing social media phenomenon.

 

Event #2:

Star Wars, the Shannara Chronicles, and Outlander: From Book to Screen and Back

Location: Student Union North Ballroom
Date/Time: Saturday, 1:00 pm to 2:00 pm
Panelists: Terry BrooksDiana GabaldonChuck Wendig
Signing area: Sales & Signing Area – Student Union North Ballroom Foyer (following presentation)

What’s it like to have your books become a TV series? Or to write a Star Wars novel? Three best-selling authors discuss behind-the-scenes experiences as their creative visions transformed through scripts, actors, and sets into live action drama.

Fantasy author Terry Brooks worked with MTV on the Shannara Chronicles based on his epic Shannara series. Diana Gabaldon is involved with Starz transforming her acclaimed time-traveling Outlander novels into a highly successful T.V. series. Chuck Wendig, novelist and Hollywood screenwriter, wrote the best-selling novel, Star Wars: Aftermath, which set the stage for the latest movie in the Star Wars franchise, The Force Awakens.

Event #3:

Space Sagas: Star Trek, Star Wars, and Halo

Location: Chemistry Room 111
Date/Time: Saturday, 4:00 pm to 5:00 pm
Panelists: Greg BearJeffrey MariotteChuck Wendig
Signing area: Sales & Signing Area – Koffler Patio (following presentation)

Authors discuss writing novels for the biggest sci fi franchises: Star Trek, Star Wars, and the Halo game industry.

Event #4:

Murder, Mayhem and the Paranormal

Location: Koffler Room 218
Date/Time: Sunday, 2:30 pm to 3:30 pm
Panelists: Jonathan MaberryJeffrey MariotteChuck Wendig
Signing area: Sales & Signing Area – Koffler Patio (following presentation)

Murder, detectives and paranormal powers. What’s not to love?

Flash Fiction Friday: Seven Deadly Sins

This one is pretty easy.

Pick one of the classic seven deadly sins:

1. Lust

2. Gluttony

3. Greed

4. Sloth

5. Wrath

6. Envy

7. Pride

And then write 1000 words of story based around that sin. In some way — how you interpret that is, obviously, up to you. Any genre will do.

You can choose to randomize it, too, using random.org to pick a random number between 1 and 7, and that’ll give you a random sin.

Post your story at your online space.

Link back here in the comments so we can all read it.

Due by March 11th, Friday, noon EST.

GO FORTH AND SIN, MY CHILDREN.

How Much Should Writers Pay To Be Published?

The title to this post is Admiral Ackbar’s greatest fear:

It is, indeed, a trap.

Because the answer to this question is obvious: you shouldn’t pay anything to get published.

Now, classically, this was pretty easy to uphold and understand because authors had mostly one way to get their books into people’s EYEBALLS, and that was through the Legacy Traditional Old-School Publishing System. Which is to say, you sent your precious baby manuscript out to agents, and then when you snagged an agent, that agent sent your precious adolescent manuscript out to publishers, and if you snagged a publisher, your all-growed-up book got a job on a bookshelf somewhere in America selling itself like a piece of prime narrative beef.

And in that chain, the author was routinely warned not to pay anything. Don’t pay reading fees to agents. Don’t pay publishers to publish you. Don’t pay booksellers to sell your book. They will make their money off of your book — that’s how they get paid, and that’s how you get paid.

The saying went, and still goes —

It’s money in, not money out.

Money flows toward the writer, not away from the writer.

The rise of self-publishing has changed that equation… sorta. In the OLD WAYS OF THE ELDER PUBLISHERS, you didn’t pay for things like cover, marketing, editing. They did that because they are the ones backing the book and the ones with the ecosystem to (ideally) help that book not just survive, but thrive. They did that shit, because that shit was their job.

As a self-publisher, that shit is now your job, but it is of course unreasonable to demand that a single author is also simultaneously really good at cover design, e-book design, marketing, editing, and so on. Which means you have to hire people to do this thing for you, which somewhat disrupts that whole “no money out” rule, yeah? Though the core truth remains: paying for these things are not you paying to get published. Meaning, you could literally write a book (or any equivalent steaming diaper fire that consists of words), upload it to Amazon or wherever, and boom, YOU GOT PUBLISHED. No fees. No nada. Paying out money is therefore to make your existing product better — not get the product to shelves.

And so, it would seem then that the rise of certain bundling services is an attractive option — they bundle together editing, cover, marketing, liquor purchases, grief counseling, and other vital services — and then you pay one price and that gaggle of book-wizards turn your self-published book into something that looks better than the aforementioned diaper fire. It’s sensible enough — if you’re going to pay for these services individually, then if you find a trusted service-bundler, more power to you.

Of course there the question becomes, do you trust said service-bundler? Do they have the experience necessary to make this work? Do they hire the best, or do they just have a van full of chimpanzees they call upon to do their work?

In this interstitial gap of paying money, you start to find people whose intentions might be impure toward you and your manuscript. Or, best case, their intentions are well-meaning but their actual actions are either exploitative or simply incapable and inept.

Which brings us to A&M Publishers.

I cannot speak to their intentions or whether they mean to exploit authors.

They may be incredibly well-intentioned.

But let’s pick it apart. (And note: this is all just my humble opinion, kay?)

Let’s look at their new author program.

They provide the following services:

A&M Publishers will provide the following services necessary to launch a new writer’s book & career:

  1. Story Editing and Copy Editing.

  2. Cover development: Coordinated between A&M and the author.

  3. ISBN and copyright.

  4. Printing of books.

  5. Ebook set-up and placement.

  6. A&M Distribution of hardcopy books.

  7. Marketing.

  8. A&M will represent the author as a Literary Agent in an attempt to sell their work to a larger publishing house, if they so desire.

So, okay. Story editing is, I assume, developmental in nature. Everything else is fairly straight-forward, at least in terms of understanding what they mean.

Let’s dig down.

Editing —

Just because we’ve accepted your manuscript doesn’t mean it’s ready. The difference between A&M Publishing and self-publishing entities is the talent. After we’ve read and accepted your book, we want to take it from good to great. The process begins with a consultation with NY Times best-selling author Steve Alten and editor Tim Schulte, who have worked together since 2007, producing several best-sellers (The Shell Game, MEG: Hell’s Aquarium, Grim Reaper: End of Days). After the final edit has been made, we’ll assign the manuscript to one of our copy editors for spell-check, sentence structure, etc.

Not entirely clear what that means — like, “story editing” seems to be a consultation more than en edit, and the copy-edit doesn’t give a sense of how many passes they’ll do, or who the copy-editor is, but okay.

Cover —

After brainstorming different concepts, we’ll select from a pool of dozens of artists who will submit covers. While the author maintains final say, our production team will offer our years of experience to help you determine what design might sell best. Not as eye-catching, but just as important, is the interior layout. Chapter headings, font choices, and any maps, graphics, or images can earn points with your readership. Every author receives a final e-file of their book for approval.

Fine, sure, I guess?

Printing costs —

While final costs are determined by page count and volume, A&M’s prices are far lower than self-publishing houses. Average Printing Costs: Paperbacks $2.25. Hardbacks $3.85. Prices do not include shipping and handling. A&M Publishing does not offer print-on-demand, as the quality is substandard.

All right, so they’re laying out what it’ll cost per printed book.

E-book Set-Up And Placement —

Your e-book will be sold on Amazon, Barnes & Noble, Books-A-Million, and other e-book outlets. Royalty split: Author receives 75%; A&M receives 25%.

A little vague. No mention of Kobo, iTunes, Google Play, etc. Also, there’s a royalty split which I would assume is the split after the e-book distributor takes its cut. Also, this should be a first sign here that this isn’t really just a bundling service, but they are acting as publisher. Which isn’t a surprise, given they call themselves a publisher — but it’s vital to start seeing that difference between we perform services and we are your publisher.

Distribution of physical books —

A&M Publishers will attempt to leverage Steve Alten’s presence in bookstores in order to place the new author’s books. However, no publisher can guarantee this service. Distribution goes hand-in-hand with demand, and demand depends a lot on marketing.

We’re getting more ambiguous, now. Their plan in distribution seems to be:

a) we will somehow use the magic name of this bestselling author to get an entirely different author’s books onto bookstore shelves, which I don’t think makes any sense at all. I mean, I’m a bestselling author (/humblebrag), and I don’t think I can get your books on shelves? I guess maybe in one or two stores where I have friends working, I could be like, “HEY, ORDER ESMERELDA BOOPENSTEIN’S BOOK, THE DRAGON OF DINGLEBERRY STREET, BECAUSE IT IS LEGIT GOOD.” But I also wouldn’t qualify that as a ‘distribution plan.’

b) none of that matters because *insert shrug emoji here* — I mean, I guess I appreciate their honesty that they’re saying WE CAN’T PROMISE SHIT, SO START DRINKING.

Marketing —

From Steve Alten: The importance of marketing cannot be overstated, but it does require a lot of bullshit-repellent. In the last 17 years, I have spent (and wasted) tens of thousands of dollars on publicists, 95% of whom charge for ACTIVITY vs. ACCOMPLISHMENT. At A&M, I’m going to direct you to the individuals and companies I trust with my own marketing campaigns, then we’ll work together to create and implement a marketing strategy that will include:

  • A quality, well-scripted book trailer (see trailers at SteveAlten.com)
  • A P.R. campaign utilizing press releases that actually are read by reviewers and producers.
  • A social media campaign.

Printing 1,000 books and sending a book to every Barnes & Noble so it can be lost on a shelf and returned in four months is not our goal. We believe finished books are necessary to obtain reviews and generate publicity as well as to sell in stores; however we prefer to design a marketing strategy that will coordinate regional P.R. with book placements and national P.R. with generating on-line sales. As an example, a new author plans to launch his book in his home town. Working with A&M and our P.R. team, we arrange radio, local TV, and newspaper articles two months in advance, book the author for several local book signings, and ship books to these stores to support the local event. Now the author has a better chance for success, and signing the shipped inventory prevents returns. From here, we expand the sales territory while we gather reviews and increase distribution based on publicity and demand.

Mmm. Okay?

I appreciate the problem of accomplishment versus activity, in that a publicist cannot promise result, and yet you’re paying for it. That seems a bit at odds with their talk of book distribution, though, which basically says, “We don’t promise anything.” But that’s okay because they’re not charging the author any money, right? [/AdmiralAckbar]

They mention a book trailer, which… okay, book trailers are of dubious value and maybe you don’t want one? And if I’m going to be honest, looking at the trailers at the link the publisher provides is not the best example, because — though this is just my opinion! — those trailers look like a scorching smattering of barf-spatter. Some of them look like they might’ve used footage from VHS tapes? And not in an ironic hipster found-footage way? Your mileage may vary.

A PR campaign utilizing press releases that are “actually read” is a weird thing to promise. Maybe Steve Alten personally goes to each reviewer and “producer” (?) and holds their nose against the press release until they promise to read it? And then what happens when they read it?

A “social media campaign” is vague. Details, man. Details.

Then the example of printing is like, WE WON’T PRINT A TON OF THESE, JUST ONES FOR YOUR HOMETOWN BOOKSTORE AND THAT WILL START A WELL-SPRING OF SUPPORT — I guess a guerrilla grass-roots campaign is not the worst idea, and again it’s not like they’re asking for a ton of money to do this for you! [/AdmiralAckbar]

Profits and Royalties —

A&M distributes our books through Ingram, Baker & Taylor, and several other companies. The following are AVERAGE EXPECTED ROYALTIES based on the retail prices listed:

Hardbacks: Retail ($24.99) Profit per book ($8.00) Author receives 85%, A & M 15%.

Paperbacks: Retail ($9.99) Profit per book ($4.00) Author receives 85%, A & M 15%.

*A 20% reserve will be kept on all hardbacks distributed into stores. Reserve covers S & H on returns.

Royalties will be paid in May (covering June – Dec. sales) and November (covering Jan. – July sales).

They’re laying out theoretical math here, but okay.

And they only pay royalties twice per year? (Self-publishers enjoy payments every month. My YA publisher, which is Amazon-owned, pays royalties every month, and a lot of publishers pay quarterly.) You would think a small publisher could at least pay royalties quarterly — monthly would be ideal. And again, this is another clear sign that this is not just a service bundler — this is a publisher who is publishing your book. They handwave away that some of this is your choice, but a lot of this is pretty well cemented. And very much in their favor.

Agent option:

At A&M Publishers, we want you to be successful. In the event your book takes off and you’d prefer to work with a big publishing house, we’ll be happy to represent you as a literary agent to negotiate the best deal possible.

It’s probably a good time to point out that a literary agent’s job is to be the firewall between you and your publisher, and so it is rather substandard to have a publisher who then is also your literary agent. Their idea here is, I gather, to be the agent when negotiating with a larger publisher — at which point you should ask, wait, why do I need the smaller publisher then if we’re aiming for a bigger one? Bigger publishers, unless your book is a slap-bang success, will not want to touch your book currently being published by these guys.

Also, again, this is a spectacular conflict of interest.

Cost to author —

A&M Services: $7,995.00

Book Trailer Production: $1,000 – $1,500, paid directly to producer (A&M will work with author to develop a script and edit).

Publicity: Paid directly to either 2Dream Productions and/or Ascot Media.

See, I told you that they weren’t charging the author —

*does double-take*

*does spit-take*

*eyes pop out of head on springs*

Whoa-ho-ho-ho there.

Eight grand for “services.”

Which does not include book trailer production — no, that runs you over a grand, which presumably will make you a trailer like this one for SHARKMAN. *coughs into hand and winces*

Then unspecified costs for publicity.

Let us revisit, for a moment, the part where the publisher rails against paying for ACTIVITY versus ACCOMPLISHMENT — isn’t this exactly that? “Pay us a dumpster full of money and we will promise you basically nothing.” I mean, no publisher can promise you success, but let’s be clear about that: my publishers make no promise and still pay me money. Like, I don’t give them cash; they give me cash. The only time the money flows away from me is when my agent takes her well-deserved slice out of the pie before handing me the rest of the delicious pie.

(whispers in a tiny Ackbar voice: it’s a trap.)

Ahem. Okay. Well. Moving on.

Their Example of Result —

Author pays A&M Services ($7,995.00) and orders 600 hardbacks ($2.300) plus a book trailer ($1,200 approx), plus 1 month of press releases used to garner radio, TV, press and reviews. ($1,000).

TOTAL COSTS: $12,500 approx.

The author sells 500 of the 600 hardbacks ($3,400.00) plus 3,000 ebooks sold at $3.99 ($8,975.00).

In this example, the author realizes a small profit after expenses, has established a foundation of readers, and has a book trailer that will continue to garner ebook sales.

This is called a BEGINNING. From here, A&M and the author will strategize on how to increase sales, increase distribution, and evolve a BEGINNING into a potential CAREER.

WHOA WAIT SHIT now they’re telling me it’s $12,500?!

Jesus on a honey badger, that’s a lot of money. And their example of a result is, “You make a small profit,” and then in all caps BEGINNING and CAREER and SHUT UP BECAUSE IT’S GOOD.

My opinion is: that is not good. That is the opposite of good. That is, “You would be better off throwing your money in a toilet full of gasoline and then setting that toilet on fire,” because at least then you’ll have that very cool memory forever. (Who else in this world has born witness to a toilet full of burning money? You could own that. That could be yours.)

The beginning of my career consisted of me:

a) self-publishing a writing book and a short story collection

and

b) having a book published, for which I got paid.

In both cases, I came out having money in my bank account. Which was nice.

And that’s also how it’s supposed to work. I’ll cop to the fact that the beginning of a writer’s career is not necessarily about a big truck backing up to your house and filling your yard with money, but in my experience the beginning of one’s career also looks a whole lot different than what you’re seeing with this publisher.

There’s some other stuff on their website — and you can go and take a peek at the people they have working for them (?).

I’ll note here part of the message as to how they help you “beat the odds.”

So why do we charge you? We’re charging you for services required to launch an unproven author – services that I still pay out of my own pocket. For every novel I hire the same editor, P.R. person, book trailer guy – that’s the cost of success. My job is to teach you the business of being an author so that you ACCOMPLISH your goal; the other guys are more interested in selling you a package of ACTIVITY. Lots more activity in that Diamond package! Pass the bullshit repellent.

Again that message: activity versus accomplishment.

Only problem is, this “publisher” is not offering you accomplishment — they’re offering you activity, and a pretty vague slate of activity, at that. With basically zero track record to show for, excepting the track record demonstrated by their one author/owner, Steve Alten, who had success long before this publisher existed.

And for that, they note the low-low example price of $12,500.

I don’t know if they’re trying to exploit authors — I’ll assume optimistically that this is an author who has characteristically spent a lot of money on his own publishing endeavors and they’ve paid off, so he thinks new authors should do the same. But I’ll note here that presently, authors have two fairly straightforward paths —

One is the same as it always was, and you get paid an advance and then royalties and owe your agent and publisher nothing (and also, hey, your agent and publisher are totally fucking separate)

Or two is that you self-publish and you either pay for services or pay nothing for services and the end result is that your book is yours — nobody published it but you, you own all parts of it, you aren’t forced into any publisher’s ecosystem. And note here that A&M is a publisher, not just a service provider, and without seeing a contract it is impossible to know exactly how married to them you must become.

Both options are great. Try one. Do both. Whatever.

As always, the essential truth remains:

Writers get paid. And that means not paying to be published. Yes, you may pay money for services rendered, but this is very much not that. This is a publisher who is producing books, taking royalties, and controlling several significant aspects of your work — all based on zero track record by people whose qualifications are dubious.

It smacks of a vanity press.

Writer, beware. Not just of this entity, but any entity that would ask you to pay any money — never mind over twelve goddamn grand — for a hearty non-guarantee at success.

Pass the bullshit repellent, indeed.

Please Let Me Motivate You With My Gesticulations And Screams

eye_sliver

Once in a while someone says to me on social media that they need a little motivation to write, and could I motivate them? Could I yell at them? Calls have been made to product a bobblehead or stuffed animal of me that you can place on your desk and said replica will gibber and wail in a most beardly of fashions, encouraging you to write with the blunt mania of the truly deranged.

I have no such bobblehead, sadly.

But, I figure, I have this post.

And in this post, I will motivate you in the bluntest, most brutal fashion I can muster. Which is to say — it won’t be kind? Kindness is sometimes required as a motivational tactic, and a soft touch is there to remind you that no, you don’t really need to write every day, and yes, writing advice is generally a smoldering sack of rat-crap, and that indeed you need to do you and your gut instincts are your best friend when it comes to ARTING HARDER LIKE A PROPER ARTFUCKER. And yet? This is not that post. This is not the soft touch. This is the, “Me filling a sock full of inspiration coins and bludgeoning you about the skull and shoulders with it until you sit your ass down and juice the art from your body like blood from a throttled squirrel” touch.

Now, as always, hold still and let me yell at you.

Occasionally in all caps.

*noisily sucks on a lozenge*

*takes a sip of water*

*clears throat*

GODDAMNIT SHIT FUCK WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE

WHY ARE YOU NOT WRITING

WHAT THE WIGGLY WANGDONG ARE YOU THINKING

oh no no no I know it’s so hard being a writer

*rolls eyes so hard they pop out of my skull and drop down a sewer drain*

*am now blind*

*bees fly out of empty eye sockets*

ha ha ha you know what’s actually hard?

BEING A JANITOR IN AN ELEMENTARY SCHOOL IS HARD because kids puke basically all the time and they don’t make that kid clean it up, oh no, they call the janitor, and that poor fucker has to show up with sand and a bucket and he has to deal with barfspatter full of milk and roof-shingle pizza and like, four Sour Patch kids, and he’s gotta suck it up and make the child-retch go away — and then those same barfy turd children have the gall to make fun of him for it because nobody respects janitors even though they are performing a vital function that nobody wants to do

BUT SURE IT’S VERY HARD TO SIT AND MAKE UP FANCY WORDS AND CHARACTERS ALL DAY

*shrug emoji*

look I’ll just make up a character right now:

REGINALD P. SNURLIQUE, the first regent of Zoldovia; he has a thing for pointy chairs, waltzes, and public masturbation, and he has a parrot with a goiter who insults religion.

here is another character:

COMMANDER JESSIE BEAGLE, the oneironaut, a dream-rider scouring the depths of the slumbering human subconscious in search of her lost love, LIEUTENANT STEVE MCSCROOGLE, either that or she’s just looking for a really good Monte Cristo recipe because a good sandwich can not be underestimated or overlooked.

hey here are some words I just made up

DONGFEATHER. JIZZOLOGY. GUMPUS. FARPTUM. PAGALOPHY. SNUP.

here are some more words

TZZNORP. VWOMMMZ. HYPRODELPHIA. SCIZZARD. WRINJILI.

here are a few insults

SHITWIZARD. BARF-GARGLER. SPACKLEHUMPER. FUCK-APE. CANKERNIPS.

ohhhh here have some motivation — *writes an inspirational message on a Post-It note, tapes note to end of steel-toe boot, kicks note up into your colon, wriggles toes to release note*

WRITING IS JUST YOU STARING AT AN EMPTY SPACE AND THEN LIKE AN ELEMENTARY SCHOOLER BARFING UP THE CONTENTS OF YOUR SKULLSTOMACH — WHATEVER WEIRDO SHIT YOU’VE GOT DIGESTING IN THERE, YOU JUST GO graaaaaaaabbllatch AND THAT FOUL-STINKING SLURRY SPLATTERS EVERYWHERE AND THEN LATER YOU KIND OF TAKE YOUR EDITORIAL HANDS AND GO pat pat pat AND slip slup snup AND THERE YOU GO, A SECOND DRAFT WHERE YOU SCULPT HOT BARF INTO SOMETHING RESEMBLING A SHAPE

Some people can’t do this shit! Some people don’t want to do this shit! But you do. So do it! You have a privilege to take your bizarre imagination and headbutt it into the world. Behold your desire! Do what compels you! Seize the privilege.

WHAT THE DEEP-FRIED FUCK ARE YOU STILL DOING HERE

WHY ARE YOU NOT WRITING

IF YOU WANT TO WRITE THEN WRITE

HOW DIFFICULT IS THAT

look goddamnit IT’S NOT GOING TO WRITE ITSELF it’s not like you go to sleep with a pen duct-taped to your hand and then you wake up with a masterpiece written (though that actually explains James Joyce’s FINNEGANS WAKE) — no! You have to have to fuse your sexy writer ass to the chair and go CLICKY CLACKY TAPPY CLACK with your fingers on the keyboard and summon words out of the ether like some kind of word-wizard and shit.

I mean SWEET HOT HELL, human history is in part the history of humanity making up letters and words and punctuation for you to use and if you willfully choose not to use them then you have just SQUANDERED THE EFFORTS OF ALL OF HUMANITY and that’s just rude is what it is.

JESUS PISS ON AN BICYCLE whuh whah I mean what the crap, other people are more successful than you? YES. DUH. Did you expect to be LORD ROYAL NUMBER ONE WRITER? Like, the bestest-selling, most award-winningest ink-slinger that ever done slung ink? You have to be BEST OF ALL or NOTHING EVER? Oh, and what else, you’ve got IMPOSTOR SYNDROME? Hey, get in line. We all stowed away on this boat. None of us belong here. We’re all hiding underneath blankets hoping none of the real writers figure out we’re here, except those people you think are real writers are also hiding under blankets — probably like, four feet away. We’re all trespassers, and you know how we get away with it? Just by doing it! By committing. By hunkering down. By making it happen with effort and thought and by shuttling off our myriad neuroses and anxieties for some other day, some other situation, some other problem. Oh, you didn’t get that publishing deal you wanted? Or the agent? That sucks. It does! And it also doesn’t matter because that’s how this business goes, that’s how life is, that is is the cost of existing. Did you think every day would offer an eager line of people serving you up your wishes on shiny platters? Or did you expect that — gasp — it would take work and improvement and effort and iteration and reiteration? Because it does. It does require that. All things require that. Writing isn’t a hula hoop — you don’t just pick it up and give a couple hip-shimmies to get that motherfucker spinning. Writing is a complex act. It takes time and failure and more failure and a little success and a little luck and more failure and then REAL success and then hey oops more failure again.

GOD FUCK SHIT

Let’s say you’re riding your mount (horse, camel, motorcycle, taun-taun) across the desert and then the thing just keels over and dies gassily — do you let it fall on you and then you lay there? Sun beating down, sucking you dry, crows picking out your soft bits? Breathing in the carcass’ death-emissions? Or do you crawl free and then look for the next horse? OF COURSE YOU LOOK FOR THE NEXT HORSE. Because you don’t want to die.

Writing is making stuff, and making stuff is the creative version of NOT DYING.

So, don’t die.

Go out there.

Make shit.

Create stuff.

Yes, it’s hard.

And also, it’s easy.

It’s as easy as tapping words on a keyboard and it’s as hard as flensing your body of skin and exposing your soul to cutting winds and scouring rains.

And if it’s what you want to do, then you need to do it. No amount of mental calisthenics will excuse you from that act. Writing is so much more than moving a couch, but it still begins with there being a couch in your way and if you want it out of your way you either have to hope it magically decays on its own (it won’t) or you have to put your back into it and GRUNT WITH SURLY EFFORT as you move it out of your path.

*gnashes teeth*

*tugs angrily on beard*

*tugs angrily on nipples*

*thrashes about*

shut up

quit looking at me

don’t waste time responding to me how right I am or how wrong I am

GO

NOW

MAKE WITH THE WORDS

BARFSPACKLE YOUR STORY

MAKE / CREATE / DO

WRITE / REWRITE / WEEP / WAIL / REPAIR

ART HARDER, MOTHERFUCKER

And, I’m done.

*turns into seven lemurs, all of whom scatter to various boltholes*

* * *

The Kick-Ass Writer: Out Now

The journey to become a successful writer is long, fraught with peril, and filled with difficult questions: How do I write dialogue? How do I build suspense? What should I know about query letters? How do I start? What the hell do I do?

The best way to answer these questions is to ditch your uncertainty and transform yourself into a Kick-Ass Writer. This new book from award-winning author Chuck Wendig combines the best of his eye-opening writing instruction — previously available in e-book form only — with all-new insights into writing and publishing. It’s an explosive broadside of gritty advice that will destroy your fears, clear the path, and help you find your voice, your story, and your audience.

Amazon

B&N

Indiebound

Writer’s Digest