I feel like I’ve lost my goddamn mind, but we’ll get back to that point soon. Let’s start with this. Two things seem to be true at this moment in the pandemic:
First, that our numbers are higher than they’ve ever been, in most cases not just by a hair’s breadth, but often by two, three, even four times their previous peaks.
Second, that we are doing less now to mitigate cases than ever before.
This happened alarmingly fast. Delta took a couple months to simmer here. Omicron, the dominant variant, boiled as soon as it hit the stove. It rolled over us in a matter of weeks, not months. Hey, we flattened the curve — just in the wrong fucking direction, as our leap in cases is now a billionaire’s rocketship, launching straight up and into orbit.
With this new variant came the assumption that it is a milder form of the disease, and from that single assumption arrived a number of decisions. The CDC changed all its policies in a sudden, confusing barf of protection reductions. (Though in fairness, Carl Bergstrom notes on a Twitter thread that, despite the piss-poor communication, there might be some value in these changes.) The CDC’s head, Rochelle Walensky, offered a (correctly) maligned soundbite, explaining that “the overwhelming number of deaths, over 75%, occurred in people who had at least 4 comorbidities. So really these are people who were unwell to begin with and yes, really encouraging news in the context of Omicron.” Never mind the fact that comorbidities such obesity, diabetes, depression are not uncommon, particularly as one enters middle-age (and never mind that were they uncommon, it is not actually encouraging to be told that you are unwell and will be the ones to bear the brunt of the disease that nobody is protecting you from). The Biden administration has relied on vaccines and mandates, but not fully — they refuse, even still, to make vaccines a requirement of domestic flights. And the current business mandate is being challenged in the Supreme Court, with a not-unreasonable chance for it to fail. There are supposed to be tests coming to us by mail, though I’m not sure when, and we’re not even sure how well the home tests detect Omicron, particularly in its early stages. There exists little clarity on what anybody is doing, which mostly means, nobody is doing anything.
From this, you can feel the lack of leadership and the loss of focus and good communication cascading out through the populace like a wave of surrender. Masks? Fuck ’em. Gone! Gone. I mean, to be clear, they were gone mostly when the CDC botched that communication early on, but here, now, I go out and I don’t see a mask on a face. Not from anybody. Not even as our cases are triple where they were in this county. Vaccine mandates? Temporarily gone, and probably full gone soon enough, with no seeming plans to introduce them. Testing? Quarantine? Isolation? Contact tracing? Can’t find tests, and the CDC has changed who should get them. Quarantine and isolation is already limited now, and for the most part here, parents and workers are subtly encouraged in schools and in jobs to just… casually not test at all because if you test, you might find it, and then your kids might not be in school (THE HORROR) and you might not get to come in to do your job (OH SHIT) and so maybe, y’know, I dunno, don’t go looking for COVID and you won’t find it. (This, a particularly Trumpy echo.) Contact tracing? Hahaha. Haha. Hahahhahgaaaaaaah yeah nobody is tracing shit anymore. It’s on you if you wanna do that. Good luck.
And from all this has cascaded a particular attitude, even among people who were once maybe careful, who are vaccinated and are not necessarily thoughtless people —
The attitude is, I give up.
It’s, “I don’t like this anymore, so I’m not going to do it.”
It’s, “Well, we’re all going to catch it anyway, gotta live my life.”
It’s, “I don’t want to hear anymore about how the bridge is out, I’m just going to accelerate the car and assume they’ll put the bridge back up before I get there, or at the very least, I’ll just jump the ravine in my Toyota Camry.”
They are bored with the pandemic.
They are tired of it.
They don’t want restrictions.
They don’t want to stop or even slow down.
And it has led to this peculiar, troubling moment —
Cases are worse than they’ve ever been.
And people are done caring.
If you ask them, they will say — to go back to the beginning of this — oh, I hear Omicron is mild. Is it? Is it mild? Maybe. It may be milder. I know a lot of people who have COVID — more now than cumulatively throughout the entire pandemic — and they’re all vaxxed and boosted and experiencing a relatively mild sickness. Of course, when you realize that before now, there was Delta, and vaxxed/boosted people did not catch Delta easily, it starts to feel like it’s weird to call Omicron — which is kicking down the doors of your body’s protections — milder. Is it mild? It’s mild in that it doesn’t seem to lead to as much hospitalization and death, though that’s not the only metric by which we live. A lot of the people I know who have or had Omicron experienced a rough ride, even if it didn’t include an ambulance ride. Hospitalizations have not yet made the epic leap with the case rates, though hospitalizations are usually a couple-few weeks behind, and deaths behind that. And even still, hospitalizations are boiling over (yes, even with kids) and our healthcare system is wobbling toward collapse, and none of this even seems to consider the unknown potential of Omicron to lead to Long COVID, which would be a mass disabling event that would create some of those pesky comorbidities the CDC is so eager to dismiss. Does COVID significantly increase the chance of developing Type 1 or Type 2 diabetes in children? Seems like it does.
If you’re starting to feel like, “Hey, maybe this doesn’t sound good,” check this out:
Let’s go to Buzzfeed, where they asked experts to clarify some of the questions about kids and COVID. (Please, no jokes here about Buzzfeed — they have a pretty robust journalistic wing, and have at times done some fantastic reporting.) In this article, you will find first this:
‘“You don’t want colds passed around schools either, right?” Rutherford said. “But on the other hand, one of the reasons we have preschools is so parents can go work. That’s a benefit of it. And if you send them home every time they sneeze, you’re going to have a lot of unhappy parents.”’ Rutherford said it makes sense for schools to continue to follow whatever pre-COVID sickness policies they had in place, with an added layer of COVID testing for children with more severe upper respiratory symptoms. But he said this testing should be rapid, not PCR, which usually takes multiple days to deliver results.
Because, ha ha, yeah, exactly, you can’t be too STRICT with this shit, right? But then:
‘About 20% to 40% of teens who get infected may develop long COVID, said Blumberg. “In younger children, it’s less, but we don’t have good numbers on that.”’
Wait, wait, what? Fucking what now? Twenty to forty percent? Uh, first, that’s a huge unknown gap between those two numbers, but even on the low end, that’s one out of five teenagers.
But we’re just like, nah, fuck it? Ha ha, eat shit, teenagers!
Now, I want you to go check out the CHOP guidance for the new year — Children’s Hospital of Philadelphia, a generally reputable source on all things children-health-related, yeah? They begin their piece by noting how COVID has pushed the healthcare system to its limits and how dangerous it is, yadda yadda yadda, but then they land on their actual guidance, which begins with:
‘With evidence that COVID-19 is becoming a milder infection in most children, and at a time when all adults and youth in K-12 settings have been offered vaccination, our PolicyLab experts and CHOP clinical leadership have reached a consensus that preserving as much in-person schooling as possible outweighs the risks of infection to children and school staff at this stage of the pandemic.‘
To translate: keeping kids out of school for any period is a sickness greater than COVID.
And here, again, is where I reiterate:
I feel like I’m losing my mind.
Am I losing my mind? Are you?
I sure feel that way.
I feel like someone just told me 2 + 2 now equals 22, and a lot of people seem to agree with that, even though we all know math doesn’t work that fucking way.
I feel like I’m seeing and hearing how bad the pandemic is presently, how the systems are straining, how teachers and healthcare workers are quitting in droves and are pushed to their limits, how friends and family are seeing workplaces and schools hamstrung by all this shit, and then, at the same time… I’m seeing nobody do anything about it. Like, not a fucking thing. In fact, less is being done.
We’ve given up.
We’ve surrendered.
This is the Great Surrender.
(Credit to Twitter user @caedsmama for giving it that unofficial name.)
We acknowledge, oh yeah it’s not good, and then we just keep doing what we were doing. No slow down. Only acceleration. We will violently shoulder our way through this pandemic, because we are so done with it, even as it is clearly, clearly not done with us. Schools are open because jobs are open because the economy must be fed. And people defend it. Like they’re people who know they’re in the Matrix and they defend it. Everybody’s Cipher from the first movie, YEAH I LIKE THE TASTE OF THE STEAK, FUCK YOU. Long Covid? Ennh, fuck it. Masks? Fuck it. Restrictions, lockdowns, any mitigation efforts? Fuckity fuck it all. We give up. Game over. Get COVID. Who cares. ISN’T IT TIME WE ALL GET IT, says Agent Smith as he coughs into your mouth.
It feels like gaslighting not from a single-source, but in a miasma that surrounds you. It’s area-of-effect gaslighting. You feel like you wanna say, “Hey things seem really bad right now, maybe we should give things a pause,” and then you get a look like, WOW LOOK AT MISTER LOVES-THE-PANDEMIC OVER HERE, CHECK OUT THE PLAGUE FETISHIST, THE MASK-HUMPER, THE GUY WHO REALLY LOVES HURTING CHILDREN BY SUGGESTING THEY NOT GO TO A SCHOOL WHERE HALF THEIR PEERS ARE OUT, HALF THE TEACHERS ARE OUT, BUT THAT’S FINE IT’LL MAKE THEM TOUGH. It’s like we’re trying to John Wayne our way through a global pandemic, like we can bootstrap it. I mean, sure, kids are barely vaccinated. But jobs! Jobs. Jobs jobs jobs. Gotta churn that crank. Gotta turn out the widgets, and you can’t churn widgets unless your kids are in school. Feed the beast!
(Here I recognize that yes, some kids do need to be in school, not just for education and social development, but also for food. But it’s also worth recognizing that these are systemic failures, in part, and punishing them by forcing them through a boiling pandemic comes with its own obvious deleterious consequences.)
It’s like we’re done with the finding out part and want to get back to the fucking around part, even though it’s not usually supposed to go in that order.
We just… deflated.
I don’t have any great conclusion here. I only write this because I want it written somewhere that I feel like I’m losing my mind. And maybe I am. Maybe I’m the wrong one.
It’s just — what the fuck.
I am blown away. Once we celebrated our healthcare workers and teachers, once we at least tried to band together and flatten the curve (if in our limited way), but now we’re like, nah, fuck it. Nah. Just nah. I mean, sure, other countries are addressing the problem. Sure, if we had just cooled our heels for two, maybe three weeks, we could’ve taken this sharp rise and spiked that volleyball back to the ground. But this is America. We do everything bigger and better. We’ll make this the biggest spike the world has ever seen. We’ll never let it go. We learned to stop worrying and love the COVID.
Mission Accomplished. That’s the banner COVID is hanging right now.
It won.
And we are good with that.
And now imagine:
Just wait till climate change really gets going. Every day is already a new story about how FIRE AND SNOW HAD A BABY AND A NEW ATMOSPHERIC RIVER IS DROPPING A BOMB CYCLONE OF HUMID HELL WASPS ON BOTH COASTS, and already we’re like, ennnh but fuck it. But I’m sure it’ll be fine. We’ll develop renewed patience just in time, I’m sure. Any time now. Any. Time.
(As a PS, I apologize if this feels like a bummer. But I honestly feel pretty anxious not just about the pandemic, but also about our sudden acquiescence to it, and I really wanted to talk about it somewhere that wasn’t just Twitter. It required unpacking and so here I am, unpacking. I will get back to fun writing advicey stuff soon. Buy my books or I die. Bye.)
ina says:
Thank you for this. Yes, it’s a bummer but it’s good to hear someone else saying what I’m thinking. And to add an “aaaah!” to all the “aaaaaaaaah!” the reliable media news sources are starting to print op eds about how we need to consider this the new normal. OMFG
January 9, 2022 — 12:09 PM
Cindy says:
This was great. While I’ve been careful, all three shots plus flu, no crowds ever, staying home mostly, that brief mask pause reminded me how nice it felt not to have a claustrophobia panic attack in the grocery store once a week. I’m getting back to the mask but it’s been hit or miss. Reading this gives me resolution—no more misses!
January 9, 2022 — 12:18 PM
Lynn Foss says:
A little consolation. I live in Newark, NJ and have been cautiously traveling into NYC. Everyone seems to be wearing a mask. Even most people outside. I’ve gone into a couple of places and EVERYONE is checking vaccine status. People here do seem to be taking it seriously.
Stay safe.
January 9, 2022 — 12:28 PM
chornung88 says:
I hear you! You’ve said the things I’m thinking – and I live in one of the most vaccinated and mask observant places in the US (Madison, WI. An island in a sea of idiocy). But even my colleagues and neighbors are done with it. One vaccinated friend had a breakthrough case, was seriously ill. “Does she have underlying health conditions?” “Yes.” “Oh, well, that’s why.” As if she’s not worth something. I’m exhausted. We’ve done all the right things – UW Madison is 95% vaccinated!!! But our hospitals are full. Another friend’s elderly wife needed ICU treatment for another issue … had to spend a couple of days in the ER in a rural hospital before being transferred here. Our hospitals are full, despite our area’s vaccination rate. We’re the clean-up crew. We’ve done all the right things and just … don’t … have … anything … left.
January 9, 2022 — 12:29 PM
Steven Womack says:
Chuck, once again, you’ve brought a little sanity and insight into a crazy, off-its-hinges world. Thank you.
January 9, 2022 — 12:36 PM
Clovis Fearing says:
You’re not alone, Chuck. Not at all. Hope you can’t hear me scream.
I despair for humanity – or at least the part that resides in these not-exactly-United States. I just got back from old-folks shopping, in Jackson, MS. Everyone – and I mean everyone; staff and customers – at my grocery were masked. The good masks, too. All of us here aren’t totally nuts, so there is that. But get out of the urban areas and everything is exactly as you report. Our Level 1 trauma center is teetering on collapse. I used to be in emergency services. My job at the beginning of a shift was to call the three hospitals to find what departments were on diversion. That is “department” as in just a part of the whole. Yesterday all three HOSPITALS were on diversion, from the ED right on down. Not good. I won’t be climbing any ladders today, or tomorrow, or for the next month, and will be completely paranoid when I have to drive.
I am increasingly desperate to find another timeline that isn’t stupid and greedy, but I don’t think that’s going to happen, and will likely only get worse. Hey, I’ve been reading speculative fiction since I was 10 years old, and I’m now 65. You’d think I’d be used to random dystopias by now. But reading about it isn’t nearly as bad as living in the middle of it.
I do have Wayward on pre-order (nice writeup in Gizmodo, btw) and I got Dust and Grim for my grand-niece, so I’m trying to do my part to help.
Hunker down. It’s about all we can do, right?
January 9, 2022 — 12:36 PM
Autumn Eden-Goodman says:
Jesus. All of this! I’m fully vaxxed, boosted and fairly certain I have COVID. It seems mild so far with the worst of it being a headache and feeling tired but I’ve got a shit ton of “what ifs” in my mind. Can I get tested to confirm? Sure. Sometime at the end of next week. I’ve bent over backwards to keep myself and my family safe and it just doesn’t matter. And Biden says that this needs to be managed at a state level. Are you kidding me? Have you seen how Ohio has handled this? Hahahahahahahahahaha oh god we are all gonna die. But it might not be Delta or Omicron. It could be the new Deltacron or whatever new variant is waiting to attack next. But by all means, book those cruises. Take the fam to Disneyland. Wing it to the Bahamas. What does it matter anymore. I think we are officially in the “smoke ‘em if you got ‘em” phase of the pandemic. I could have sworn we were smarter than this but I’m being proven wrong at every possible turn. I’m not okay.
January 9, 2022 — 12:36 PM
Jeanne Felfe says:
It’s not just you. I am also losing my mind. I’ve been sick off and on since right after Thanksgiving. Bad cough; feverish. But no covid. It got better (but didn’t go away) and then hit again just before Christmas. But this time, no tests available anywhere. Therefore, I behaved “as-if” it’s Covid. After a week+ of searching for a test, my county finally started up a mass testing site again. Negative PCR. I finally got a virtual with my doctor and he ordered another PCR for covid and flu…both negative. Clear chest xray. He thinks I may have had two overlapping infections that left me with stressed bronchioles and that I might have a cough for weeks. And that’s without a confirmed case of covid.
I’m exhausted. I still take it just as seriously as I did in the beginning. I’m vac’d and boosted and wear a mask. I have a friend with Long Covid and trust me…no one wants that. It is NOT trivial…it impacts so many body systems. And yet the populace is okay with the possibility that 20-40% of teens who get covid will have Long Covid? That is certifiably insane.
Keep writing your missives about the insanity in the US. It might not do any good, but it’s good to know I’m not the only one.
January 9, 2022 — 12:37 PM
Lita says:
We’ve done everything that has been asked of us. We’re fully vaccinated, including the booster. We mask up, keep our distance, keep clean – all the while we try to keep our spirits up. I’m having the other cataract surgery tomorrow. Yesterday, I had to take a Lateral Flow Test. It was negative. I reported it to the NHS, as per the rules, and they acknowledged it with the caution ‘you may still be infected’. It never ends. Every message we get feels like that gaslighting whereof you wrote. I’m tired.
January 9, 2022 — 12:38 PM
melissajoulwan says:
Thank you for this! I say to my husband every day, ‘I FEEL LIKE I’M LOSING MY MIND.’
sigh
January 9, 2022 — 12:42 PM
Jo Chern says:
Also in Madison, WI. Even in a highly vaccinated county with a mask mandate–one of the few in the country, I presume–we have hospitals at the breaking point, elective surgeries cancelled and schools and businesses stripped of employees who are sick. And yet all we hear is how “mild” Omicron is. No, it may in fact most of the time be “milder” but that’s not the same thing. And if you are over 65 (and I and my husband are), you are just supposed to “stay home and be careful”? And yet, amongst my clients, it’s the children who seem to be getting sick most often and acutely. At one point early on, my husband said that when the kids starting getting sick, maybe it would be taken more seriously. Well, they are and it hasn’t. You are not crazy, none of us who look around and say “don’t you see what’s happening?” are. It’s those who just tell us to accept this as normal who are beyond crazy, well into the narcissism or denial of being psychopaths.
January 9, 2022 — 12:48 PM
Tiffanie says:
Thank you for writing this, it brought clarity to my muddled thoughts about this past week. I live in the CA Bay Area, great vaccination rate, good masking, but watching all my peers send their kids to school and how the state is doing nothing about the surge (we used to have tiers based on case rates!)… I have felt very alone in my concern. And after a week of school, I now know children who are sick. I’ve known them since infancy, and this is breaking my heart.
Now I’m hoping students and teachers and health care workers will join forces and refuse all this shit. Walkaway.
January 9, 2022 — 12:49 PM
innerspacegirl says:
It does appear than many, many people have lost their effing minds, but I have not given up on me. I’m double vaxxed, boosted, masked and even before Omicron did not go out except masked and for essentials. Now I’m in self-imposed isolation again for as long as that seems logical. I am alone and retired. Being alone sucks AND is easier because I have more control and don’t have to worry about others in my home. My heart goes out to all the people with kids. I’m glad I never had any. My heart goes out to people who MUST work. My heart goes out to people who have all manner of health challenges. I am about as lucky as it gets. Day by day as this drags on I struggle not to lose hope that sanity will even begin to return in my lifetime. I’m no genius, but can clearly see that stupidity and greed are destroying everything. It’s not even close to how I thought the latter years of my life would be.
January 9, 2022 — 12:50 PM
Kevin says:
If you’re losing your mind as well, then it’s a mass (unfortunately mass minority?) mental breakdown that includes me and a small group of my friends, family, and co-workers. Yes, we’re friggin’ done with the pandemic but in a weariness-of-our-fellow-man way, not in a laxing of safety protocols way. We still do it all, just now with anger at our fellow Americans who prove themselves daily to be more and more intentionally stupid and cruel.
January 9, 2022 — 12:53 PM
Cheryl says:
Just, yeah. Perfectly stated. Absolutely. I’m just pretty much hermitizing even more than I typically would. Especially since I’m in fucking Here-We-Have-Idaho (albeit a ‘liberal,’ ‘urban’ enclave) where no right-minded individual trusts anyone in authority (unless they’re of *their* tribe) and freedum reigns.
Thanks for saying it.
January 9, 2022 — 12:54 PM
The Cheesesellers Wife says:
It’s the same over here in Britain. Madness!
January 9, 2022 — 12:59 PM
Liz Gauffreau says:
Thank you for this. I’ve been seeing the same thing, and I’ve been feeling like I’ve lost my mind. At this point, I’m glad I have more of my life behind me than in front of me.
January 9, 2022 — 1:00 PM
Paula Bardell-Hedley says:
An excellent post, Chuck. Sadly, these days, many people are unwilling to change their lives, even if it means saving the species. It’s no different in the UK. I went for my booster (when called) this morning, which turned out to be Pfizer (I received AstraZeneca for the first two jabs) and I feel fine. In fact, I feel relieved to be further protected. It seems to me that some folk would prefer to believe any sort of nonsense rather than the truth. Why? Perhaps because reality is simply too much for them to compute. The rest of us must continue doing the right thing, regardless. Let’s hope it’s enough to get us through.
January 9, 2022 — 1:05 PM
David Dadekian says:
Yep. Mind lost.
January 9, 2022 — 1:07 PM
Mary vB says:
Thanks for putting my immobilizing angst into words, Chuck. Now, maybe I can get back to work.
January 9, 2022 — 1:09 PM
bcre8v2 says:
First off, you’re not crazy. Second, the world has gone bonkers. Like others here, I’ve done everything I’ve been asked to do–wear a mask, get vaccinated, get boosted, social distance, test myself–and yet, I am the one who is told to stay home if I’m “scared.” Yep, I’m a little scared (immunocompromised), but mostly I’m mad as heck. Why don’t the bozos who can’t do something simple like wear a mask stay home? And, god forbid they would get a widely available, low- or no-cost vaccine, that might put the end to this thing–or at least make it less rampant. My last two thoughts on this: If you have children, you are a selfish, idiot if you don’t get the vaccine. Too many children in our area are now without one or both parents who refused to get vaccinated. Second, the people who still think vaccines are poison and mandating vaccines is part of a plot to take away every god-given right we have should not be given an audience in any medium. The stakes are too high for fringe viewpoints.
January 9, 2022 — 1:11 PM
tcinla says:
Unfortunately, it’s now time to start reading the old Roman historians, regarding the fall of republics. Sallust was the first to notice that republics do well in “bad times” (you would be hard-pressed to find a time worse than the 12 years of the Seond Punic War, with Hannibal regularly defeating Roman armies for ten years till they beat him the 11th), but they “come apart” in good times. Macchiavelli also noticed the connection between republics not doing well in good times. We appear to need an enemy to become our better selves.
You live in the “Alabama in the middle” part of Pennsylvania (“Philadelphia and Pittsburgh with Alabama/Mississippi/Kentucky in the middle”). and that might as well be called Moron America since it’s the part least able to distinguish its own interests from poking the rest of us in the eye with a sharp stick. And when you have the Morons well-represented in a Congress that lives up to what Mark Twain described way back in 1873 (“Consider a congressman, then consider an idiot. Ah, but I repeat myself.”), and all this is connected to a media universe (the Conservative Entertainment Complex) that makes anything Josef Goebbels ever imagined look like nothing (There are several studies that demonstrate that people whose main source of information is Faux Snooze know less about current affairs than people who don’t pay attention to news), it’s pretty much guaranteed to go this way.
Way back in 1954, Richard Hofstadter described these people as “Pseudo Conservatives” and had this to say:
“… its exponents, although they believe themselves to be conservatives and usually employ the rhetoric of conservatism, show signs of a serious and restless dissatisfaction with American life, traditions and institutions. They have little in common with the temperate and compromising spirit of true conservatism in the classical sense of the word… Their political reactions express rather a profound if largely unconscious hatred of our society and its ways — a hatred which one would hesitate to impute to them if one did not have suggestive clinical evidence.
From clinical interviews and thematic apperception tests, Adorno and his co-workers found that their pseudo-conservative subjects, although given to a form of political expression that combines a curious mixture of largely conservative with occasional radical notions, succeed in concealing from themselves impulsive tendencies that, if released in action, would be very far from conservative. The pseudo-conservative, Adorno writes, shows “conventionality and authoritarian submissiveness” in his conscious thinking and “violence, anarchic impulses, and chaotic destructiveness in the unconscious sphere. . . . The pseudo conservative is a man who, in the name of upholding traditional American values and institutions and defending them against more or less fictitious dangers, consciously or unconsciously aims at their abolition.”
So that’s why things are falling apart. The last time a society was destroyed by a pandemic (it’s happened a couple of times), they had no knowledge of modern medicine, which makes what is happening here and now even more frustrating.
January 9, 2022 — 1:17 PM
Anton says:
It’s so hard. This past week has been the worst one of the entire pandemic for me, mental health wise. I stopped going to the gym because hardly anyone’s wearing a mask in there and our local case numbers are a vertical line that is frighteningly huge. I can’t get over the posts from people who are like “wooo I’m coming to Austin for vacation, where’s a great place for 14 people to hang out??” I feel like I am losing my mind witnessing the Great Surrender and how little people seem to care about anyone else here. I don’t know what to do any more.
January 9, 2022 — 1:18 PM
Olivia McCormick says:
I have went through most of this pandemic in isolation just from being a remote college student, and writing peer tutor working with my peers online. I was hoping before COVID happened to break out of my shell, and make new friends before graduating in 2021, even going to hangouts and bars with my classmates.
That couldn’t last though. Now, out of college and looking for work as a introverted writer in a totally new city than my hometown, I can’t feel anything but guilt in going outside to seek connection with others my age. Its lonely having to live inside day in day out. It feels right now like we’re spiraling in a drain, and there’s no way to escape the vortex that is the ignorant negligence of the masses.
January 9, 2022 — 1:20 PM
mercyjm says:
Come over to the UK, it’s not so bad here. We’re (at least in the south-east) still very masky, we are uncomfortable indoors, and very dithery about social things. There are a lot of people who probably want to give up, but the social pressure is still to be safe rather than sorry. That said, we have raging Omicron and the govt. are sacrificing children, teachers and public-facing workers to save everyone else. Look after yourself, be clear that you are allowed to protect you and yours and be shit-scared. That is not a bad thing, it is a human thing.
January 9, 2022 — 1:20 PM
Rachel L says:
THANK YOU! I scream a much shorter, far less articulate version of this every time I have to talk to one of the multitudinous people ill-advised enough to tell me they’re so glad the pandemic is over, often boasting about how they knew it was a hoax all the time. Gaaaah! RAAARRRRGH! Thankfully I’m still pretty sure it’s them, not me, though every once in a while I briefly succumb to “has everyone lost their minds?” Then I remember the polio vaccine and stomp off.
January 9, 2022 — 1:21 PM
Olivia McCormick says:
I have went through most of this pandemic in isolation just from being a remote college student, and writing peer tutor working with my peers online. I was hoping before COVID happened to break out of my shell, and make new friends before graduating in 2021, even going to hangouts and bars with my classmates.
That couldn’t last though. Now, out of college and looking for work as a writer in a totally new city than my hometown, I can’t feel anything but guilt in going outside to seek connection with others my age. Its lonely having to live inside day in day out. It feels right now like we’re spiraling in a drain, and there’s no way to escape the vortex that is the ignorant negligence of the masses.
January 9, 2022 — 1:21 PM
V Hartman DiSanto says:
Thank you. I’m required to work in my office – even though anything I do can be done at home. Despite vaccinations and masks, more of my coworkers are testing positive every day and I figure it’s only a matter of time before I contract it as well. Great – senior citizen with high blood pressure and a heart defect. But what? Everyone must die someday?
Sorry about that. It’s difficult not to go off when given the opportunity.
As you can see, I get it.
January 9, 2022 — 1:21 PM
T.R. says:
We’ve been questioning our sanity, too. Thank you for voicing our concerns. The US is obviously handling things horribly, but they aren’t the only ones opening things back up. The UK and Germany have recently changed their quarantine regulations from 14 days to 7. The reports out of the UK by medical specialists and scientist are that they expect everyone in the world to be exposed to Omicron by the end of April. That there is no stopping exposure to this particular variant due to its massively contagious nature. They said the rules that were put in place (ie standing at least six feet apart, mask wearing, etc.) aren’t effective against this particular strain. They don’t suggest you run around without a mask and start licking poles, but they do say it probably doesn’t matter what precautions you take in the end.
Don’t even get me started on climate change. We’re just going to ride that horse straight to hell. 🙁
January 9, 2022 — 1:23 PM
tcinla says:
“Against stupidity we have no defense. Neither protests nor force can touch it. Reasoning is of no use. Facts that contradict personal prejudices can simply be disbelieved — indeed, the fool can counter by criticizing them, and if they are undeniable, they can just be pushed aside as trivial exceptions. So the fool, as distinct from the scoundrel, is completely self-satisfied. In fact, they can easily become dangerous, as it does not take much to make them aggressive. For that reason, greater caution is called for than with a malicious one. Never again will we try to persuade the stupid person with reasons, for it is senseless and dangerous.” — Dietrich Bonhoeffer
January 9, 2022 — 1:25 PM
Deborah Genovesi says:
Pitch perfect as always! Chuck, you are SO not alone in this feeling. Every day, as my husband and I watch friends jetting all over hell’s half-acre, going to bars, restaurants, partying like it’s 1999 so to speak, and we are like, “What kind of alternate reality is everyone else in?” It is truly shocking–and disheartening. This pandemic is clearly showing the immense selfishness and immaturity of a lot of our citizens and it’s scary as hell.
January 9, 2022 — 1:28 PM
WckedWords says:
You speak the unfiltered truth which is pretty much a hanging offense in my town. I live in the state of Yippee- Ki-Yay-Fuck-You-And-Your-Mask. We birthed Ted “Cancun” Cruz and put bounties on women. My city is Jerry Jones rich. He owns part of it and several of his players live here. The residents carry guns in their 20k golf carts for a jaunt from their million$ homes to the pool (just in case a landscaper turns out to be illegal).
From day one of actual acknowledgment that the virus was real the local moms smeared Chanel war paint over their filled cheeks and cried “Your health isn’t more important than my liberty.”
This left immunosuppressed peeps like me with our mouth agape behind our masks. Is this for real? Can this neighbor truly think my life or her ailing mother’s life is worth less than a paper mask? It was real and still fucking is. Now local ranchers can’t buy dewormers for their livestock because Lauren, Sloan, and Sherilyn are buying it up like Gucci knock-offs.
And I’m here watching my 18-year-old son who caught the virus a year ago say goodbye to the life he had. He has Ehlers Danlos. It’s genetic but never gave him issues outside of Cirque WTF shows possibly scouting him out for a contortionist understudy. The “harmless” virus inflamed the condition. His elbows started locking up, his shoulders dislocating just from driving, hip joints slipping out, knees hyperextending, constant pain, depression, and finally attacking his hands. My kid set for attending Pratt because of his artistic gifts couldn’t draw anymore. His life is now about physical therapy, injections in his joints, and appointments with specialists. He lost his future and I lost the kid I knew, but at least Becky didn’t lose her personal liberty.
January 9, 2022 — 1:32 PM
Kevin Ralton Tipple says:
You are not alone. Something happened right around just before Thanksgiving where many folks here just quit masking. Signs came down and folks went back to normal. I am one of those disabled persons with multiple issues the CDC no longer cares about. I am fully vaccinated and very scared. The refusal by so many who are doing their best to make sure that Covid and all its many flavors are permanently in the world very much pisses me off.
January 9, 2022 — 1:35 PM
Rebecca Douglass says:
I am still trying to process what I heard this morning on NPR, that many hospitals (!) are setting a new policy of “come to work even if you test positive, until you drop in your tracks.” Seriously, that is insane on so many levels I can’t even begin to unpack it. I just know… that would make this a really good time to stay the hell out of the hospital. Because there’s nothing like having a heart attack and then getting COVID from your doctor to give you a really bad day.
January 9, 2022 — 1:39 PM
Kim Olgren says:
I was among those in the first wave who contracted COVID-19. I was lucky. With type II diabetes, Crohn’s disease, Fibromyalgia, and considered obese, I have comorbidities that could have taken me down (thank the Gods I declined immunosuppressant drugs). My symptoms were mild enough that I didn’t need hospitalization. That being said, let me say that Long COVID is no joke and my sense of taste and smell are apparently permanently and thoroughly fucked. For someone who loves food, mixing my own fragrances, and stopping and smelling the roses this is more devastating than I can put into words. I know people who are no longer here because of COVID. I know how fortunate I am, and yet, I’m still mourning my losses. COVID doesn’t have to hospitalize you or even make you all that sick to affect your life forever. I can’t understand why anyone would want to take that chance with themselves, or their kids, or their grandma, mother, best friend, whatever. And yet, even within my own family, there are those who refuse to be vaccinated and/or wear a mask. Yes, it seems we have given up. I’m sad and horrified and hoarse from screaming. If you’ve lost your mind, your definitely not alone.
January 9, 2022 — 1:39 PM
christophergronlund says:
Thank you for writing this. It’s been disheartening to see people I knew who were very vocal about precautions now saying, “I feel self conscious wearing a mask because nobody else is.” (I’m in Texas.) But more than that, how they seem to think the few friends still being cautious are overreacting.
When I logged back into work after the holidays, half my team either had COVID or had immediate family members with COVID. (And it sounds like another person on my smallish team has it.) People who’ve had it seemed surprised by how horrible they felt from a “mild” case.
So yes, everything here is golden. I also feel like I’m losing my mind, and some of the few people I know still exhibiting caution are questioning themselves and seem like any day, they will just give up and be like, “Eh…I really miss restaurants…”
January 9, 2022 — 1:48 PM
Erica Ellis says:
Ooof. I feel this completely. I live in Florida, so most of my neighbors have been over Covid since about May 2020. My governor just let a million Covid tests expire even though people are waiting 5 or 6 hours in a line to get tested in some places. Our surgeon general just laughs about Covid when asked about it. No one masks. No one stays home. Vaccine coverage is hit or miss. I’d love vaccine mandates, but the governor outlawed those, as well as mask mandates. It’s been a shit show here since the beginning, but our cases are through the roof now. Three times what they were during out Delta debacle this summer. I feel like life will never go back to normal. For me, anyway. Most of Florida has been acting like we’ve been back to normal for a year and a half. 70,000 dead Floridians? Nah, it’s just a cold.
January 9, 2022 — 2:03 PM
boundbeautifunk says:
I feel this so hard. Managing almost two years of pandemic stress levels now with added safety boundary pushing from the older generation of my family has me a bit of a mess right now. I just want to do what I can to keep our unvaccinated kid safe, our nuclear family safe, the older generation of the family safe. There’s a lot of people out there who have returned to “normal” and have no empathy for what other people are still going through. I’m so tired… Not in the sense of wanting to give up pandemic precautions, but just wanting to avoid everyone else because these conversations are just too much.
January 9, 2022 — 2:15 PM
Eva says:
You’re right.
January 9, 2022 — 2:21 PM
Fenraven says:
I still double-mask every time I go to the grocery and anywhere else I know people will be. I still see masks in stores–clerks, mostly, because management makes them wear them (but over half have their damn noses hanging out over the mask, so what’s the bloody point?). I haven’t caught it yet, and I really don’t want to. I’ve spent two years of my life already, protecting myself from it (and therefore protecting others). I’m not giving up now. Depending on what source you read, the 1918 pandemic lasted either two years, maybe three. So maybe we’re over halfway there? *sigh* I don’t think about it anymore. I put on the mask, then I layer another one over it, and when I finally get my hands on the N95 masks, I’ll wear those. I wash my hands every time I come in from from being out, and I do it for a good thirty seconds or more.
This country’s reaction (or lack thereof) to a serious public health problem was not only massively disappointing, it pissed me off really bad. Still does. Anger surges through me when I see people running around with bare faces, acting like everything’s normal. IT ISN’T, and at this rate, it will be long time until it is again. Throw climate change in the mix, and I wonder why I keep hanging around on planet Earth. It’s such a shit show!
January 9, 2022 — 2:22 PM
Nels W says:
Perhaps it’s enough to comment to let you know that you’re not the only one still fighting the good fight. I, and the people with whom I associate, are still wearing masks – even outside when walking with no one around.
Also, my wife is a teacher at Chicago Public Schools and was one of the 17,000+ teachers who voted to work remotely (and are now basically on strike, as such achieving what they wanted which was keeping students and staff at home, even if they’re not getting paid). And as badly as our Mayor is handling that situation, she did at least institute a vaccine check for restaurants and gyms.
So while I agree that it seems most people and governments have given up and I also agree that people and governments should absolutely be doing more, I think it’s an Ohio-centric (or maybe Red Area-centric) perspective to say that No One is doing the right thing anymore. For someone usually incisive and insightful, I’m a bit surprised by this overly broad, un-nuanced, (wet) blanket characterization.
January 9, 2022 — 2:26 PM
Fenraven says:
I just had my “other” cataract surgery Dec 29. My pre-op COVID test was negative. Everyone in the area was wearing good masks and seemingly being careful. I didn’t worry, because I went through it in December of 2020, when I had the first cataract removed. I’m terrified to visit the dentist though, and it’s starting to adversely affect my teeth and gums, but they don’t do what they should for patients, so I’m scared.
I have not come down with COVID since the surgery, though I did inexplicably suffer several days of abdominal pain. Checked the symptoms; a percentage of people do suffer belly pain. Don’t know if it was COVID or not; no tests are currently available in my area. Prepare as best you can and cross your fingers. Hope your surgery goes well.
January 9, 2022 — 2:30 PM
Fenraven says:
I spent most of my life in MN and WI. Either years ago, I moved to Florida. Lately I’ve been wishing I could move back to an area that at least pretends to be sane most of the time.
January 9, 2022 — 2:38 PM
Angie Kinsey says:
“The Great Surrender” aka “The Great American F*ck You” aka “When the USA ditched religion discarded science and officially embraced survival of the fittest”
I’m so weary of watching my country again and again on ever-grander scales choosing profits over lives. I mean we all knew it, but now we’re apparently celebrating it openly.
You’re 5 yrs old with cancer? Screw you, you lazy lout– get a job!!
You’re 72 with a heart condition? Ah, we’ll be rid-o-ya soon.
You have comorbidities? Not for long!
I live in the most callous state in the nation: Tennessee.
Throughout this pandemic our fearless leaders have outlawed masks, outlawed asking for vaccine status, shrank Medicaid, diverted pandemic relief funds, and just last week announced the shuttering of the Health Department because “They don’t test for flu. The business sector should absorb this.” (Subtitles for humans: Covid makes Healthcare industrialists wealthier, so quit your whining!”)
I honestly hoped we MIGHT have a chance–a prayer– of getting through this– but after hearing the Supreme Court arguments re:mandates this past week– I know that’s never going to happen. The rich will get what they paid for: A Supreme Court that wears their collars and doesn’t sh** the carpet when presented with a moral dilemma vs profit making. Profit making it is!
If I sound bitter it’s because I AM.
I’ve lost 22 people to Covid–many who had no co-morbidities.
Turns out the three things every soul must do in the USA is: Die, pay taxes, and feed the profit margins even if it requires dying to accomplish that.
January 9, 2022 — 2:40 PM
Dimitri A. says:
I agree with everything you said here. I’m just writing to offer some background on CHOP and their experience with syndromes like long covid. I too am horrified by the total nonchalance of adults saying 20-40% may get long covid. At CHOP, however, they are renowned for dealing with this stuff. My daughter is a teen who had and has a post-infection syndrome similar to long covid. 2 years of suffering, missing school, being bedridden, she spent a month a CHOP in their AMPS program and has largely been given a new lease on life. After I understood what the CHOP doctors were trying to do with my daughter (and the other 8 kids there that month from all over the country), and after 8 hours a day of my daughter spent in their therapy, it is clear that CHOP believes the only way to rebound from such a syndrome is through activity that rewires the body into a semblance of normalcy. Because otherwise, there is no solution, there is little scientific knowledge of these ailments, frequently insurances don’t even cover them (eg. CHOP doesn’t take medicaid for its therapies), and in general, most doctors are puzzled by these syndromes. We saw maybe 20+ specialists far and wide over those 2 years, with very little guidance. And we are big advocates for my daughter. My interpretation of the CDC and the CHOP statement is that most people are going to get omicron (90%+) and that the only solution to the damage in long covid is sustained activity that builds. There is no alternative. A period of being bedridden may feel necessary but there don’t seem to be answers except pushing through while struggling mightily (if you look up the AMPS program you’ll see some machines and devices that look like torture machines). I weep for the children who will not receive the therapy my daughter did, or whose doctors will have no clue how to address what they are experiencing. But getting back to CHOP, their reply is generally in keeping with the hospital’s philosophy and outlook when it comes to these mysterious syndromes.
One last thing: there were already tens of millions suffering with these chronic conditions prior to the pandemic. The medical field was pretty good at ignoring these people for a long time (https://www.theatlantic.com/health/archive/2021/11/health-care-workers-long-covid-are-being-dismissed/620801/ ) so I don’t expect them to suddenly change tack and do anything but ignore long covid in the future.
January 9, 2022 — 3:59 PM
Beth D says:
I am a healthcare worker in a hospital. We have been feeling exactly like this at varying levels throughout the pandemic. It’s very hard to see the sickest of the sick with Covid and people dying, then leave work and everyone else is going about like nothing is wrong. It is disconcerting and definitely feels like gaslighting. It is tiring that we still have to take precautions but things don’t have to be this bad. I am disappointed in how so many have just given up.
January 9, 2022 — 2:45 PM
Bean says:
I have spent the last week at home after catching the Omi somehow — even though I go almost nowhere and when I do, I wear a mask and am social distancing like mad (did this before the pandemic so I have practice!). I have to return to work tomorrow and I am still filled with fear and dread. Since I have not been able to find a test, I don’t know if it’s gone now (though I feel fine so it must be?) so I will mask up and keep doing what I was doing already but even more so hoping I won’t infect someone. Meanwhile, my colleagues are all like “the water’s fine — jump in!”
Ok, I am thinking my mind is lost with yours.
January 9, 2022 — 2:54 PM
Stacey Dunn says:
You have no idea how much I hear you right now.
This has been my week. I am a 3x cancer survivor, with 2 autoimmune disorders–in short, according to the CDC, I have one foot in the grave, and the other on a banana peel. I am caring for two aging parents, one of whom is a 4x cancer survivor, and the other is an 80% disabled vet with Parkinson’s. I also have a disabled relative in a care home in SoCal, for whom I do some fiduciary services, and for whom I provide a lot of emotional support.
This is my everyday reality. Then there was this week.
My husband (who is also ill) was able to get into a specialty clinic at Stanford due to a last-minute cancellation. Monday, at 10 am, I get a call that they will not see him (the patient), or me (the assistant), if we can’t hand them a negative PCR test by Wednesday at 1 pm. Realizing that we had basically been handed a hand grenade and told to “think fast”, we went into the local urgent care, wearing our KN95s, and waited 5 hours for a PCR test. We were given no guarantees that our results would be back in time, so we went home, packed up, headed to the airport, and refused to eat, drink or remove the masks for anything other than the quickie mandatory check at the TSA.
Our nephew picked us up at SFO (we are very lucky in our nephew) with bags he’d picked up for us at Target, distilled water for hubs’ CPAP, and helped us get to our hotel room. We spent the first night, then spent the next day checking every hour for the test results, while Stanford was calling and emailing us. Two hours before the appointment, they finally came in, and we were allowed to go into the clinic. After the appointment, the doc wanted my husband to rest, before going in the next day and getting bloodwork done. Next day, we got the bloodwork, laundry quarters from the bank (KN95s firmly on our faces) and went back to the hotel. Since that time, we’ve either been in our room, picking up delivery food, or eating at the restaurant next door, which has outdoor dining and masked-up servicing staff. We’re not going anywhere else. We probably won’t be able to go anywhere else for months, if not years. We will have to do this again next month. Right now, we’re gutting ourselves up for the plane trip back home, and getting ready to home test tomorrow morning, before checking on my parents.
My brother and sister-in-law planned to check in on us, and had to cancel, because my sister-in-law is a teacher, and two of her fellow teachers, to whom she’d spoken that morning, tested positive, and ALL OF THEIR STUDENTS WERE GIVEN TO MY POOR SISTER-IN-LAW!!!!! So, we all agreed, no visit for us.
I am so angry that so many people have given up. I literally have to coordinate care for 5 different seriously, and differently, disabled people. If anyone, after three years of this, has a right to give up, it’s me. I had to have surgery last year, lost my ability to speak, and to swallow liquids, for two months, and required intensive virtual therapy JUST TO BE ABLE TO USE THE F*CKING PHONE! And they can’t pull their heads out of their a$$es long enough to slap a goddamn mask?!?
If I give up, somebody dies. I will never give up.
January 9, 2022 — 3:00 PM
angeliquef says:
I have to agree on every point you all make! I have worked from home the entire duration of the pandemic. Made sure everyone is double vaxed and boosted – forced some to get flu shots cause, why not? I have given up on the US taking this seriously in any way, shape, or form. I just pray that my adult children are safe. I haven’t bubble wrapped their houses yet, difficult to get that much with supply line issues, but it is a consideration. Apparently no one in US leadership has ever read a history book, as this happens time and time again. Sigh. Keep safe all.
January 9, 2022 — 3:15 PM
L. Hernandez says:
I live in the whitest, stupidest part of Northern California where County Board of supervisors got snared in a re-call effort because they didn’t “push-back hard enough on Governor’s Mask Mandate” which isn’t a thing. Board meetings are still being disrupted twice a month with loud, unmasked citizen terrorists who just want to scream and yell about mask “tyranny” while I go to work in the building next door in the basement of the courthouse where even our “security” marshals refuse vaxx and have brought this building to another “Emergency Outbreak” status. Losing my mind is just about it. I waited in line for 6 hours to get my first vaxx in Feb. this year, got 2nd and boost as soon as I was eligible. I work with people who are still “doing research” and neighbors who are waiting for T on his white horse to save the republic. Still. I have been chased 5 miles in traffic for flipping off an aggressive tail-gaiter, and had a guy slam my car door because he couldn’t pull through into parking spot next to me while I was getting my chin saw out of my open back door. Yeah, no masks for that guy. The cops thought I should have reported the aggressive driver sooner than I did and taken a picture of him. I’m sure he would have posed because he had already stepped out of his truck to confront me at a traffic signal. Lots of people have lost their minds.It’s a jungle out there. And here. And everywhere.
January 9, 2022 — 3:20 PM
Susan says:
I didn’t know this was exactly what I wanted to say until I read your words that said it. I’m in the UK, and it’s the same.
January 9, 2022 — 3:25 PM