Chuck Wendig: Terribleminds

Apple-Obsessed Author Fella

Year: 2018 (page 3 of 32)

November 28, 2018 / 17 Comments

First The Why, Now The How: 25 Ways To Keep Making Stuff

And now, a more practical followup to last week’s post / tweet thread — note that this post, like last week’s, started on Twitter, chockablock with many animated GIFs. So if that’s a thing you want to behold, you gotta check it out over yonder Twitter hills.

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IN THIS WACK-ASS YEAR OF 2018…

IN THIS AGE OF AEROSOLIZED FASCISM THAT WE ARE ALL HUFFING…

IN THIS INGLORIOUS CYCLE OF HORSESHIT NEWS FIREHOSED INTO YOUR FACEHOLES…

Not why, but HOW do we keep on Making Cool Stuff?

1. WRITE YOUR ANGER. SING YOUR RESISTANCE. PAINT YOUR PANTS-CRAPPING RAGE wait okay maybe less evocative than “pants-crapping,” but you get my point. Shove your feelings not into a box, but into the work. Where it can be seen.

2. Stop poking the broken tooth that is BAD NEWS. Yep, yes, you need to be aware of all the shitnanigans going on in the world, but you also don’t have to swim in it. Get clear of it. Create first, dunk your head in the HELL TOILET later.

3. Learn to FORGIVE YOUR OWN ASS. Forgiveness starts at home. You might create less in this turbid, turbulent era, and that’s okay. Keep moving forward. Embrace momentum. Sometimes it’s a game of inches, not miles.

4. Cleave to routine! When in doubt, routine for me is like a ladder. I can plant my feet and grab a rung and cling there as the world churns around me. And when I find a calm moment, I can climb up, one fucking rung at a time.

5. If you’re starting to figure out that SELF-CARE is a theme here, that’s because it is. Another method of self-care? Eating right. Sure, sometimes you want to die inside a gallon of ice cream, but a lot of the time, try to eat healthily. Healthy body, healthy mind, healthy output of work.

6. Also though it’s okay to eat the fucking ice cream once in a while because the world is cuckoo bananapants and if you’re happy, it’ll be easier to MAKE COOL STUFF.

7. Exercise. I’m not saying you need to be one of those ULTRAMARATHONERS whose nipples are flensed into little bloody quarters – but get that blood moving. Blood carries ideas from your heart to your brain to your fingers. HASHTAG SCIENCE.

8. Also important to practice care for others. Do well by the world. You might feel your work is a distraction (it isn’t!) but you can assuage it by taking positive steps: donate to charity! Food kitchen work! Work for a political campaign!

9. Read history. It helps. It’s not that the arc of history bends toward justice, necessarily – but humans have a history of forcibly bending it back toward justice when they decide to. Bonus: history is instructive for art and writing. History is a story!

10. Have a secondary hobby. Something that has no pressure associated with it. Something that is not current events-related. Also not related to your other STUFF-MAKING. Photography! Robotics! Interpretive dance! Heinous occult summonings! Be distracted! Work new intellectual muscles.

11. Be optimistic. This might be the hardest thing on this list. It may cause your sphincter to clench hard enough your butthole could snap a broomstick. But optimism is resistance. Especially optimism where you are engaged in enforcing it upon the world.

12. Also, be advised: this current kidney-stab bad news era is likely to trigger all kinds of anxiety and depression. It’s super-hard, but forgive yourself for that, and try to find treatment to address it. It’s not about “fixing” it – but it’ll be easier to make stuff if you’re working on it.

13. Consume art in greater quantities than before. UP YOUR INTAKE OF CREATIVE GOODNESS. In every goddamn direction you can find. Guzzle it! Gorge yourself upon it! Doesn’t have to be the same kinda stuff you make – and better if it’s unrelated to current events.

14. Travel. Anywhere. Seriously, anywhere. Two towns over. One state up. Other side of the country. A subterranean villain’s lair in New Zealand. Whatever. It opens your brain, and lets you escape, and lets you see how other people live.

15. Meet other artists. Online if you must, in meatspace if you can. (Mmm. Meatspace. Also: meetspace?) It’s good to find other likeminded weirdos to remind you: you’re not alone; this shit really isn’t normal; making stuff is cool and also hard.

16. Go to a bookstore. Even if you’re not a writer, just go to a bookstore. Or a library. SHUT UP THOSE PLACES ARE SACRED PLACES AND BOOKSELLERS AND LIBRARIANS ARE MAGICAL IMAGINATION SHEPHERDS.

17. Enjoy nature. It has nothing to do with creativity or making stuff, but it can be reinvigorating. Go look at a fucking bird. Smell a tree. Get out of your house and your head.

18. Make stuff first. Look upon the world second. This will be different for everyone, so YMMV, but for me, it helps to devote time to making stuff BEFORE I go swimming in the Turd River that is the Trump Era.

19. Also at least once per day, yell FUCK TRUMP at an ugly sock. It doesn’t really help you make stuff, but it’ll feel better. Feel free to make up new insults for him. F’rex: YOU OLEAGINOUS SACK OF RANCID RACIST MONKEY LARD. See? Creativity!

20. listen, kid, have you tried coffee

21. listen, kid, have you tried various unguents and balms and magical greases, I got a guy who will get you some enchanted elk bezoar, or a wizard-toe, or even just some really high-quality lavender hand lotion

22. Repeat after me: it’s not your job to fix it, shit’s been broken before and shit’ll get broken again, art still needs arting, stories need telling, stuff needs making.

23. Meditation. Therapy. Podcasts. ASMR. CBD Oil. Seriously, find something that works to just chill you the fuck out for a little while every day. Code it into your daily programming.

24. Remember that whatever you’re making will make The Worst People mad, and that is precious fuel, indeed. YOU’RE LIKE A CREATIVE VIGILANTE

25. Try to help other people make stuff, because helping other people make stuff helps you make stuff too.

And that’s it.

Buy my books or I die in a lightless oubliette of my own making.

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DAMN FINE STORY: Mastering the Tools of a Powerful Narrative

What do Luke Skywalker, John McClane, and a lonely dog on Ho’okipa Beach have in common? Simply put, we care about them.

Great storytelling is making readers care about your characters, the choices they make, and what happens to them. It’s making your audience feel the tension and emotion of a situation right alongside your protagonist. And to tell a damn fine story, you need to understand why and how that caring happens.

Whether you’re writing a novel, screenplay, video game, or comic, this funny and informative guide is chock-full of examples about the art and craft of storytelling–and how to write a damn fine story of your own.

Indiebound / Amazon / B&N

November 27, 2018 / 10 Comments

Julie Hutchings: Five Things I Learned Writing The Harpy

Charity Blake survived a nightmare.

Now she is one.

Punk-rock runaway Charity Blake becomes a Harpy at night—a treacherous mythical monster who preys upon men just like the ones who abused her. Struggling through an endless stream of crappy coffee shop jobs, revolted stares, and self-isolation during the day, Charity longs to turn into the beast at night. Doing the right thing in all the wrong ways suits her.

But a Harpy’s life belongs in Hell—the gruesome Wood of Suicides, where the Harpy queen offers Charity just what she’s looking for: a home where she can reign supreme and leave behind the agony of her past. The choice to stay in Hell would be easy, were it not for a rock-and-roll neighbor who loves her for the woman she is—even when he discovers the creature she becomes—and unexpected new friends with their own deranged pasts and desires who see Charity as their savior. But salvation isn’t in the cards for Charity. Not when her friends see through her vicious attitude and fall in love with her power as the Harpy. 

Struggling between the life of an injured outcast and the grizzly champion of a blood-red hellscape, Charity must thwart her friends’ craving for her power enough to fear her corruption—and determine once and for all where her salvation lies: in eternal revenge or mortal love.

* * *

Shying away from the real horror is SHY and shy is stupid when writing horror or anything else.

The blood, the viscera, that’s all the safe part. Even the sometime setting of Dante’s Wood of Suicides in THE HARPY—which, I mean, wow—is partly safe. I mean, you’ve probably not been there. You’ve probably not been gored by a bird broad. The real horror in writing this book was knowing that some of my readers were runaways, were abused, were scarred in every way they could be. I pushed boundaries writing this book at all, but there were points when I asked myself should I? So many people will wince at Charity’s past and what’s leaked into her present. Is it too much? Yes, it is. It most definitely is. The horror in this book is in what Charity’s past has made her think of herself, what it’s done to her mind, her heart and soul. And that’s a horror that shouldn’t be shied away from, specifically because it is real. Exploring that, knowing the emotional flaying it will cause for some scares the smoke out of me for a multitude of reasons. But I want to be the kind of creator that is afraid of what I create. I want it to open doors that have been closed too long, to pull the skin slowly when the Band-aid comes off, for the novacaine to wear off just a little too soon… I want it not to just terrify, but to make me feel. I want that for my readers.

“Too cerebral” means “too stupid” and I refuse to believe that of my readers.

Though it’s fun, THE HARPY isn’t light reading. To make it surface would be disrespectful of the subjects it treats and it’s not the way I write. I didn’t get a college degree in English to not overcomplicate shit. I’m also a grand-standing advocate of giving kids books beyond their age group if they want them, because they want them. How do we learn if we don’t challenge ourselves? And what gives anyone the right to say who’s smart enough to take interest in any book? The interest alone says the reader is smart enough. When THE HARPY was rejected by one editor for being “too cerebral” after having been pitched to many by my agent, I knew it was time to change my publishing path. I will not now or ever dumb down my work because someone else thinks it’s too involved. If a reader doesn’t get it and wants to? They’ll read it again. They’ll dig deeper. Hopefully it will inspire them, teach them something new about themselves. Maybe it won’t work, but hell, I will not shallow-fy ™ myself in any way because The Man or any man tells me to. Which leads me to…

There is no definition of “strong female character” because there is no end to the list of fights we fight.

Ah, the old “strong female character.” As though women are these amoeba-like crybaby gelatin molds that speak, and the examples of ones that can stand on their own should be pointed out. The strong female character needs to be defined by how much ass she can kick. She doesn’t need to be AMAZING. Charity has horrible self-esteem, does plenty to kick her own ass psychologically and physically. But not thinking she’s SUPER FUCKING AWESOME DOES NOT MAKE HER INTRINSICALLY WEAK. She can call herself a dirty Hell-whore, but you can’t. Is it self-demeaning, self-flagellating, unhealthy as fuck? Yes. But she faces this vision of herself head-on. This is how she feels, and she won’t hide it. Charity fights back just by getting out of bed every day. Her choices once she rolls out of bed suck. But she makes them, and she defends them. She’s a bastard on the outside to almost everyone she meets, and she’s afraid but she’ll never show it, and she’s hurt and lonely and thinks she doesn’t deserve any kind of happiness—but she keeps going. Day in, day out. That’s strength. Those of us who fight every day whether we lose more often than not, who are exhausted by existence for All the Reasons, who keep going though sometimes it might feel easier not to—that’s a hero. Charity’s acknowledgement of her dark and uglies, showing them to you whether you want to see them or not, that’s what makes her honest, and that hideous honesty is a type of strength that can’t be denied. Strength isn’t always what it looks like. Who she is isn’t up to you.

“Anti-hero” is still a label, and a real anti-hero doesn’t care what you think.

I love an anti-hero. Long live the anti-hero. But this character… This book isn’t about a hero or an anti-hero as much as it is about a woman. A woman who doesn’t need to be quirky and cute, thoughtful and kind. She can be Batman but more bitter. She can be the Crow but funnier. She can be Hannibal Lecter-esque with a sticky lipstick smile. She doesn’t have to be a nice girl, feminine or not feminine; she doesn’t have to be a rough and tumble, bitingly sarcastic bitch either. IT’S ENOUGH THAT SHE JUST IS. Like anyone who feels hopelessly beaten, she’s thrilled at the idea of release, of escape, of revenge, of winning something. Giving in to it doesn’t make her a weak woman, or a villain, or a hero. She’s a monster, but she’s human. Heroes, and women for that matter, can want revenge and still be called heroes. And she certainly doesn’t have to be everyone’s hero. She does right in the wrong ways though it doesn’t necessarily help her. And it’s not selfless. I think I like that I’m not quick to label her because she’s more than one thing. Aren’t we all? What matters is that she’s somebody, and someone who is ever-changing. Not a straight-shot change, either, but one with a lot of back-tracking and bumps and falls. If I had to say one way or the other, yes, I would say Charity is an anti-hero. But she would tell you to fuck off for asking.

Once again, there is no right way to write a book.

This is not a new statement, but it’s one that bears repeating. There are no rules to writing. I write because the rules don’t work for me. I make the rules and break my own rules pretty quickly. To write something brand new, I had to try something brand new, something I didn’t even know was possible. I can’t believe how smoothly it worked out. I say that, but it wasn’t luck either: I know what makes my writing mine, and I stuck to it; a tether to keep myself firmly in my world. First, I twisted mythology to my own devices. Second, I made the book scary on the outside, pretty on the inside. Third, I made sure that nobody else could tell this story but Charity Blake. But the weird thing I tried? I took a concept that I hold dearly and I stripped it naked. I live and breathe by the idea of building a room around a piece of art. Don’t buy the painting to match the couch; find the art you love and get the couch to go with it. The rug to go with the couch, etc… For THE HARPY I started with one sentence that came to me—I swallowed a Hell splinter—and I made it a chapter title. Who would say it? What would make her say such a thing? And what is the lie that she believes?  I built a book that way. I shaped the story around the chapter titles I created. Of course, I did all the other stuff to make a book into a wonderful thing, but this was my strategy, and it was refreshing and fun and allowed me to explore words and concepts in a way that I would never have thought of in my usual context. So, you know—try stuff. Rebel against what you know. I like to say make your passion matter, it’s kinda my slogan. What I learned from writing THE HARPY is to make your passion bigger, different, moving. Be a mad scientist with your work and you’ll get something unexpected. And don’t be afraid of the scary stuff.

* * *

Julie’s a mythology-twisting, pizza-hoarding karate-kicker who left her ten-year panty peddling career to devote all her time to writing. She is the author of Running Home, Running Away, The Wind Between Worlds, and now, The Harpy. Julie revels in all things Buffy, Marvel, robots, and drinks more coffee than Juan Valdez and his donkey combined, if that donkey is allowed to drink coffee. Julie lives in Plymouth, MA, constantly awaiting thunderstorms with her wildly supportive husband, two magnificent boys, and a reptile army.

Julie Hutchings: Website

The Harpy: Print | eBook

November 27, 2018 / 12 Comments

Gifts For Writers 2018

ONCE AGAIN, THE HOLIDAYS ARE UPON US. And once again the non-writers are wondering, hey, what the sweet hot hell do I get a writer for these gift-giving days? Writers, after all, are a squirrelly lot. What do they need? A box of ideas? Infinite pens? A little Chuck Wendig homunculus who perches on their shoulder and shrieks at them to write, write, write you slugabed motherfucker, write?

Surely we can come up with better ideas than those.

(Plus, we’re all sold out of the Wendig Homunculi.)

And so here, my friends, is the GIFTS FOR WRITERS, 2018.

*poses on fist with a serious look in a proper author photo*

Utter Shamelessness, Don’t You Judge Me

Did you know I wrote a book? It’s called Damn Fine Story and it’s amazing okay I don’t know that it’s amazing, but I was told to project confidence, so here we are. More seriously, the goal of the book is to help you understand the fiddly, tinkery, tinkly bits of storytelling. It isn’t a book about writing, but about storytelling in all its forms. And it contains a sassy, masturbatory elk. No other book has that. This is a value. Get it in print or eBook. And now, audio!

Also, surely you need a mug.

Everyone needs a mug.

You can put all kinds of things in a mug.

Whiskey. Coffee. Whiskey and coffee. Ice cream. The soul of a cherished foe.

The Art Harder, Motherfucker mug is a popular choice.

Or Certified Penmonkey.

Or The Secret To Writing.

[Note too on the mugs: coupon code CYBRWEEKZAZZ gets you 40% off. And now that I read that I’m pretty sure that says CYBER WEEK ASS except AZZ for ASS because that’s maybe how a robot would say it? A cyber robot? Hm.]

Shamelessness is now over. Onward, we go.

Best Made

My very good friend Aaron Mahnke turned me on (imagine if I just put a period there and left the sentence) to Best Made Company, which offers some very cool things, like, for instance, this bad-ass Field Desk. It’s also, um, just shy of two thousand dollars? So, this is definitely one for you one-percenters out there. But it’s so damn sexy, and the writer in your life will love you forever.

Okay fine, they have other cool stuff, too —

Like this tactical embassy pen!

And if you still dig the idea of a portable writing desk but don’t wanna shell out two grand, maybe two hundred will do you a little better — this one is significantly cheaper, but still does the trick.

And if you just want a cheap-ass pen to get for an author’s stocking stuffer: this little 3/1 (three colors, one pencil) jobby gets you maximum value, and it’s great for a writer as they’re doing edits — you got red, blue, black, and a pencil point for various purposes, like crossing stuff out, adding new bits, or just screaming profanity in the margins.

We Don’t Need Notebooks, But Okay Maybe What About This One?

Jesus Christ on a crumbcake, writers receive wayyyyy too many notebooks for the gift-giving holidays. We don’t need more. Stop getting us more. Except — except —

I really like this notebook.

Here is why I like this notebook:

It’s like how we wrote stories in grade school! You get the text portion below, but you also get a glorious imagination window at the top, which can be a drawing or a doodle or some mind-mapping or a character portrait or whatfuckingever you wanna put there.

Baron Fig also has cool desk pads.

Nick Offerman

Okay, no, you sadly cannot give Nick Offerman as a gift.

If you could, I would already have him, you bastards.

But! You can give a piece of him. Sorta. By which I mean —

Gear from Offerman’s Woodshop!

Consider: this cool interactive art piece. A writer often needs to fiddle with things at their desk to work off nervous energy and parse difficult story snidbits, so try that. Or, a cool pen-and-pencil holder. For a bonus: both of these count as (snicker, tee-hee) writer’s blocks. Get it! Like writer’s block?

*stares*

Shut up.

Also, there’s his book, Paddle Your Own Canoe, which is not really at all about writing but is, in its own way, very much about writing — about the struggle to Art Harder and in your own way. Worth getting for a writer pal. Check it in print or eBook.

Storytelling Games

I have long relied upon games to kind of loosen up the ol’ BRAIN GRAVEL, kicking it into scree with the help of fun imagination exercises.

You may find some joy from:

Once Upon A Time!

Story Slam!

The Awkward Storyteller!

Or, John August’s new one, AlphaBirds, which is kind of a fast-paced, Scrabble-esque card game.

Self-Care, Motherfuckers

Writers are not good at self-care.

So you need to sometimes give us a little nudge.

Consider: a light therapy (SAD) lamp.

Consider: a weighted blanket. (Pro-tip, start at 15 lbs.)

Also: just force us to go somewhere with you. A meal. A small trip. Anything. Get us out of the house and out of our heads. It’s a win for everybody.

Also: Caffeine, Motherfucker, Do You Speak It

Not every writer dunks themselves in a caffeinated bacta tank every morning, but I figure a good number of us enjoy a cup or twelve, so coffee and tea ain’t the worst way to go when finding a good gift for a writer buddy. Tonx, which I used to love before they got bought by the execrable Blue Bottle, has a new service out called YES PLZ COFFEE, which is a subscription dealy-o. Then there’s Trade Coffee, which is kind of a roaster aggregator — lets you discover new roasters. I currently use and enjoy the hell out of Angel’s Cup — a subscription which sends you four blind bags of coffee and then you open them and try them and it’s like a CAROUSEL OF COFFEE DELICIOUSNESS every week or two, and you get to be surprised every time.

And oh, for teas?

I like T2 Tea, but Passenger Coffee in Lancaster, PA is now doing great tea options, too.

Fill Their Brains With Information

I am never not a fan of great non-fiction.

It is arguably a thing I read now more than I do fiction — in part because I’m always doing research, and in part because non-fiction gives me new ideas, but fiction gives me someone else’s ideas.

Here’s a book I just read that I loved:

Robbing the Bees, by Holley Bishop. It’s a story about beekeeping and, in particular, honey. The history of it! The current practice of it! It’s a delight. Check it in print or eBook.

Or what about Myke Cole’s Legion Versus Phalanx? (Print, eBook.)

See also: anything by Maryn McKenna or Carl Zimmer.

And you also have the option of buying classes for your penmonkey buddies. MasterClasses are available, including a new one from Margaret Atwood, who is of course your queen and wisely, you will kneel. I SAID KNEEL, RAPSCALLION.

Buy Their Books, Leave Reviews

There may be no greater gift than that, I think: buy their stories, and leave reviews. Tell your friends, tell your enemies. Help us climb out of the oubliette of obscurity. For instance (puts self-promotional top hat back on) did you know I ALSO WRITE BOOKS and you can find them IN PRINT and IN THE ELEMTRAMIC BOOK DEVICES, yep, wow, whoa. It’s true, it’s true, I heard it from the newsie on the street corner, extree, extree, read all the fuck about it.

For a bonus: buy them a session with a portrait photographer for a proper author photo.

Previous Lists From Former Authorial Eras

If you wanna check older lists, here are links to 2017, 2016, 2015, 2014.

And that’s it.

I hope I’ve helped you help a writer. Happy holidays, word-nerds.

November 26, 2018 / 4 Comments

Macro Monday Is The Weirdest Heirloom Apple Yet

AHOY-HOY, FRANDOS. It is I, the King-of-Town! I come to deliver unto you a great bevy of news with the tolling of my bell, cla-clang, cla-clang. Or something.

First of all, fuck Mondays, right? Especially fuck the Monday after a holiday.

Okay, moving on.

Some buzzy news bits to hug and squeeze —

First, I got these:

The first official ARCs / AREs (Advanced Reader Copies/Editions) of Wanderers. Holy shit, it’s real! The product of a whole lotta work is coming to fruition — 800 pages of it, though still not in your hands until July, I’m afraid.

Also, an author I quite admire (seriously, her Book of M was so good, check it out in print or eBook), Peng Shepherd, had some very nice things to say about the book. She said, in a tweet, that “WANDERERS is a masterpiece, & you want it in your hands the second it comes out.” And Delilah S. Dawson, another writer I deeply admire and one I count as a most excellent friend, said the book makes her jealous, and for a writer, that’s high compliment indeed. Honestly, both Shepherd and Dawson make me jealous.

If you wanna preorder Wanderers in print, then the best place to do so is at your favorite local indie bookstore — which you can always find via Indiebound. Also worth reminding that many, even most, indie stores will ship right to you. If you wanna pre-order eBook, got you covered there, too. And you can add it at Goodreads.

Let’s see. What else?

You are listening to Ragnatalk, right? This past week Anthony and I had special guest Trin Garritano, who reminds us that Thor: Ragnarok is the most bisexual movie ever, and there’s a reason it’s called the Bi-Frost and not the Straight-Frost. Go listen! Or be haunted by three spirits!

In personal news, we put up our Christmas tree. Apparently this, by some metrics, is early? We always try to do it the weekend after Thanksgiving.

WHATEVER, WE’RE JUST FESTIVE AS FUCK OVER HERE.

*barfs tinsel*

Aaaaaanyway, here are some photos of heirloom apples in macro — don’t forget to check out my #heirloomapplereview thread, which has now reached its dread conclusion after, uhh, 170-some tweets? Wow, I might have a problem. In need of an apple intervention.

Have a great week, weirdos.

November 19, 2018 / 4 Comments

Macro Monday Hides In The Shadow Of Vader

So, the big news at present is not precisely positive, I guess — after punting me from making cool Star Wars comics, Marvel has (un?)officially canceled the first series I was working on for them: Shadow of Vader.

It’s a shame to see it go, of course. I’d written three scripts and the third of those three was, I think, one of the best things I’d written, at least in the comics space. And the series was going to have a few little touchstones linking back to the Aftermath series. ANd Juanan Ramirez’s art was *chef’s kiss* good. But alas, this is how it goes. I vaguely understand canceling it — I don’t know that any writer was necessarily comfortable with picking up the project, and I suspect people would be conflicted whether or not to buy it. (If you like my work, the conundrum is: buy it to support me, or boycott it to punish Marvel? if you hate me, then the reverse becomes true: buy it to support my ass-booting, or give it the middle finger because my name is attached to it? Sophie’s Choice, I suppose.)

The irony is that none of this would’ve been an issue if they’d chosen to simply not hire me for more books — which is a bit different than ejecting me outright. Instead of choosing to let me fade gently into the background, they had to wrap a note around a knife before slipping it between my ribs. It was pointed. Why they chose that way, no idea — I assume it was, as noted, political. But hey, I also don’t run Marvel, and their ways are not known to me. I like to think the Shadow of Vader scripts are now being locked in some SINISTER, MYSTERIOUS VAULT. Or maybe it’s a warehouse like at the end of Raiders of the Lost Ark. Unmarked crates containing scripts both forbidden and forgotten…

(Dang, there’s maybe a story there.)

(Hm.)

ANYWAY.

You can read about it a little more about the situation at Polygon.

Predictably, The Worst People are extending their victory lap over this — as ultimately, this comes from them. The most hilarious talking point of theirs seems to be that, now that I’m fired, I’ll somehow no longer have a job as a writer? Like, I’m broke now? This of course ignores the actual reality that making comics, especially with Marvel, paid so little that it was far more of a hobby than an actual job — I make considerably more as a novelist than I ever did writing comic books. To make a career out of comics, you need to be on a whole lot of books at one time. For me it was always a side-gig. A fun one! One I’m not giving up. But comics was all icing, no cake. And not even top icing but like, the inessential middle layer of icing. Delicious! But really, for me, not the point.

Let’s see, what else?

Ah! Right. Last week, The Franzen did a list of TEN WRITING RULES that was, well, something, and so I did a whole thread about them. Because c’mon, don’t we miss the days where Twitter was for dunking on pretentious MFA writing rules and not, say, constantly pointing at the ongoing conflagration of fascism? My little thread made the news in some places, too, like the Guardian.

Anything else?

Ah!

Zer0es is still $2.99 till the end of the month.

And Invasive is $3.99 till then, as well.

(eBook only, and probably only US? Not sure about other countries.)

AND THAT’S IT.

Here, have some photos from when it snowed last week.

November 16, 2018 / 5 Comments

Shaun Barger: Five Things I Learned Writing Mage Against The Machine

The year is 2120. The humans are dead. The mages have retreated from the world after a madman blew up civilization with weaponized magical technology. Safe within domes that protect them from the nuclear wasteland on the other side, the mages have spent the last century putting their lives back together.

Nikolai is obsessed with artifacts from twentieth-century human life: mage-crafted replica Chuck Taylors on his feet, Schwarzenegger posters on his walls, Beatlemania still alive and well in his head. But he’s also tasked with a higher calling—to maintain the Veils that protect mage-kind from the hazards of the wastes beyond. As a cadet in the Mage King’s army, Nik has finally found what he always wanted—a purpose. But when confronted by one of his former instructors gone rogue, Nik tumbles into a dark secret. The humans weren’t nuked into oblivion—they’re still alive. Not only that, outside the domes a war rages between the last enclaves of free humans and vast machine intelligences.

Outside the dome, unprepared and on the run, Nik finds Jem. Jem is a Runner for the Human Resistance. A ballerina-turned-soldier by the circumstances of war, Jem is more than just a human—her cybernetic enhancement mods make her faster, smarter, and are the only things that give her a fighting chance against the artificial beings bent on humanity’s eradication.

Now Nik faces an impossible decision: side with the mages and let humanity die out? Or stand with Jem and the humans—and risk endangering everything he knows and loves?

* * *

THE DARK AND SPOOKY SECRETS OF THE UNIVERSE

In 2010, I proved to the world what a responsible adult I am by dropping out of grad school and moving to Los Angeles to try and make it as a writer.

I moved with a crew into a house with a courtyard, a mysterious black cat, and a master bedroom with a tinier, secret room you could get into via a hole in the western wall.

In the tiny room was a curtain. Beyond the curtain, a tiny door.

Behind that door? You guessed it – The Dark and Spooky Secrets of The Universe.

Staring directly into the brutal truth of reality’s most devastating revelations made me anxious, so I closed the door and decided to write MAGE AGAINST THE MACHINE, a novel about wizards and robots, instead.

You know why? Because I also learned that . . .

IT’S TOTALLY OK NOT TO OPEN PANDORA’S BOX

Say there’s a box, painted all your favorite colors.

Say there’s a song, coming out of the box. The closer you stand to the box, the louder the song becomes.

You like the song. You really like the song. You can’t remember where you heard it, but you’ve got the strangest feeling that it’s important. Like you loved someone once, and this song played on your first date, right before you kissed. And it was a really fucking great kiss. Like magic, you know?

Somehow, you’ve forgotten. But you know, with certainty, that if you open the box, it’ll come back to you. If you open the box, you’ll remember everything.

Just as your fingers touch the latch, you realize that neither the song nor the long-lost lover could be real. This must be a trap, made specifically for you.

So you walk away.

Nikolai Strauss, the titular mage hero of MAGE AGAINST THE MACHINE, begins his journey by making the choice to open his very own Pandora’s Box, in the form of a magical talking revolver. And it gets him into a hell of a lot of trouble.

It’s totally OK not to open Pandora’s Box. It’s okay not to click that link, watch that video, reply to that text, check on or reconnect with that severed toxic element in your life.

There is no magic box to make you happy. No single person or solution or change that will make this big horrible wonderful clusterfuck make sense all at once.

Anyone or anything that promises as such is likely full of shit.

Because…

UNFORTUNATELY, THE WAY OUT IS THROUGH

Throughout the fuckery of my supposed adulthood, I have found that one of the primo keys to navigating the beautiful nightmare of The Millennial Experience is getting comfortable with very slowly picking away at life’s prickles, stubborn thorn by stubborn thorn. One day at a time.

Or, often enough, one moment at a time.

Next time you find yourself panicking — like, really panicking, with that claustrophobic certainty that your life is like one of those tower defense games where you’ve been trapped in a torturously drawn out fail state you can never quite claw your way out of — set a timer for 20 minutes.

By the end of that 20 minutes, so long as you haven’t actively made things worse, you will feel better. Because you CAN claw your way through this. Because it’s so much more interesting for you to do so.

Even if everything’s totally awful right now, so long as you’re smart and decent and sharpen your nose for bullshit, there’s GOTTA be good stuff down the line, sooner or later. So you might as well keep going, right?

Of course you should! Because…

YOU SHOULD ALWAYS GO FOR MORE INTERESTING

Life’s a little more fun if you think of yourself as an explorer. Everything interesting a dusty corner on a map, vague and unexplored.

If something’s interesting to you, you’ll have the patience to really do the work of properly penciling in additional detail. You’ll have the reliable drive and motivational warm fuzzies to obsess and persevere, where others might not.

I wrote MAGE AGAINST THE MACHINE because I found the idea of a conflict between realistically human wizards and complex AI villains who are more like strange synthetic gods than murderous metal skeletons super fucking interesting.

I’m pretty sure a lot of you are going to like MAGE AGAINST THE MACHINE. I’m also completely certain that many of you will not. But I bet you’ll think it’s interesting.

One more thing:

THE UNITED STATES IS RULED BY A VICIOUS AND MEDIOCRE OLIGARCHY

and

CAPITALISM IS THE ECONOMIC MANIFESTATION OF PSYCHOPATHY

and

HOLY SHIT, EVERYONE IS SO STRESSED OUT RIGHT NOW

Since European colonists began plundering the native civilizations as somewhere between 20-100 million indigenous American people were killed by an apocalyptically devastating plague in the 1500s, our country has had a long and continuous tradition of shitty people doing shitty things to get filthy stinking rich.

For a lot of Americans right now, it feels like the walls are closing in. For the more vulnerable of our population, this experience has been more literal.

In the best of times, this country has not been a great place to be poor, disabled, or any sort of minority. It’s especially difficult to keep it together when smug, pig-faced bigots are squealing with vicious glee as a bible-thumping rapist is appointed to our highest court and children are being stolen from their refugee parents and placed in concentration camps where they’ll be deeply and profoundly traumatized.

In the world of MAGE AGAINST THE MACHINE, right-wing extremists like those currently rising to power across the globe in real life were suckered into a nuclear holocaust by psychopathic wizards.

It’s a lot of fun to write about the apocalypse. But it’s another thing to live it. Especially the miserable and banal sort of slow apocalypse promised by such real world Voldemorts as newly appointed President of Brazil Jair Bolsonaro, who promises to brutally plunder the Amazon, effectively stripping our planet of its lungs.

And let’s not forget the white supremacist infestation sliming its way to power in our own government. They’ve got a real hard-on for Armageddon.

After the extremely stressful Nov 6th election, if you’re in the mood for an escape from adulting, consider taking a break from all this exhausting reality with my debut novel, MAGE AGAINST THE MACHINE.

It’s about wizards. And robots.

* * *

Shaun Barger is a Los Angeles-based novelist who detests cold weather, idiot plotting, and fascism. He splits his days between writing, resisting the siren’s call of Hollywood’s eternally mild summer climes, and appeasing a tyrannical three-pound Chihuahua with peanut butter and apple slices. Mage Against the Machine is his first novel.

Shaun Barger: Twitter | Instagram

Mage Against the Machine: Print | eBook

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