No, that’s not a macro photo.
OR IS IT
MAYBE THAT’S A CLOSE-UP OF A CAR WINDSHIELD
AND THAT BIRD IS JUST REALLY, REALLY TEENY-TINY
YOU DON’T KNOW
Ahem.
Hi!
Welcome back! Slowly, but surely, we kick the cold machinery that runs this place, pouring boiling water on it to unfreeze its gears and flywheels. I’m not sure we’ll return to a full-bore schedule just yet, as I’m in the midst of finishing a novel (and a somewhat important one, it being the very last Miriam Black novel, Vultures), so bear with me as everything slowly grumbles and grinds to life once more.
Finishing the last book in a series is traditionally very difficult, as it is here — compounded by the fact this is not merely a trilogy, but rather, six whole books (and a novella, and a short story). Just as you want to stick the landing on the final act of any book, you really really want to stick the landing on the final act of six books, because holy shit. But have trust: the books have been building to something, and after the, um, ending of The Raptor & The Wren, you’ll get some sense of where it’s headed — at least, until I knock you off balance once again.
That seems then to be a good segue into a review of The Raptor & The Wren, this one coming in from Library Journal:
[Stuff cut out because slightly spoilery.] With a dark story line and an even darker protagonist, this vivid adventure takes readers on an emotional, violent ride. VERDICT: The fifth book in the series (after Thunderbird) drives further down the road into Miriam Black’s life: the trauma, the fears, and the forgiveness. It will please fans of Joe Hill and Joe Abercrombie. —Kristi Chadwick, Massachusetts Lib. Syst., South Deerfield
And, in case you missed it, Let’s Play Books is running a pre-order deal — buy the book, I’ll sign it, I’ll even personalize and predict YOUR DEMISE into the pages, and they’ll get it to you on release date with free shipping. Details here.
Or you can just come to the book launch at Let’s Play Books on 1/23.
Or or or you can come hang out with me at the Elgin Literary Festival (Chicago ‘burbs) on 1/26 – 1/27, should you so decide.
Let’s see. What else is a-brewing?
You will find that my Heartland series — think John Steinbeck’s Star Wars — is on sale for a buck per book for your Kindle, so, check out Under the Empyrean Sky, Blightborn, and The Harvest.
ANYWAY, here, have a tweet thread, goodbye!
“Put a jade egg in your hoo-ha.”
“Gwyneth, no.”
“Coffee enema.”
“Seriously, Gwyneth, c’mon.”
“Eat three rubies in a ruby smoothie and an elf will arrive to open your Sex Chakras.”
“What the fuck, Gwyneth.”
“Feed a stolen baby to a cunning wolf at midnight–”
“GWYNETH, NO.” https://t.co/POfpvQpGmY
— Chuck Wendig (@ChuckWendig) January 7, 2018
“Steam the vulva.”
“Gwyneth.”
“Steam it. With moon-steam.”
“The fuck is moon-steam, Gwyneth.”
“It’s acai berries macerated in diamond powder and magic sugar and run through the bowels of a civet cat.”
“Gwyneth, this is cocaine.”
“Now put it all in your colon. All of it.”
— Chuck Wendig (@ChuckWendig) January 7, 2018
“Transvaginal papaya cream.”
“Gwyneth, what does that even mean?”
“Irradiated lemur protein.”
“You’re just… you’re just saying things, now.”
“Activated urethra charcoal.”
“Gwyneth, what the hell — oh my god are those the launch codes?!”
— Chuck Wendig (@ChuckWendig) January 7, 2018
“Make a cocktail of ghost peppers, cordyceps zombie ants, macaw sweat. Muddle with ancient lavender and mummy’s gauze. Pour over a poultice of forgotten aspirations. Put it in all your orifices. Pack it tight.”
“Gwyneth, can’t I just eat some kale?”
“Now you fight a jaguar.”
— Chuck Wendig (@ChuckWendig) January 7, 2018
“Before you fight the jaguar, you must be naked. Except for this.”
“Gwyneth, is that a butt plug?”
“It is a lunar detox wand.”
“It’s a butt plug.”
“It is made from upcycled meteors.”
“Does it go in my butt?
“…”
“Gwyneth.”
“It goes in your butt.”
“Goddamnit, Gwyneth.”
— Chuck Wendig (@ChuckWendig) January 7, 2018
“Just put it up there. To detox.”
“Gwyneth, where do you get this stuff?!”
“Goop.”
“What the shit is Goop?”
“It is a catalog. It is a way of life. It is primordial ooze that fills your negative psycho-spiritual nooks.”
“Gwyneth, are you high?”
“Yes.”
“On what?”
“On Goop.”
— Chuck Wendig (@ChuckWendig) January 7, 2018
“Gwyneth, is Goop just cocaine?”
“No.”
“Gwyneth. We talked about this.”
“…”
“…”
“It’s cocaine and crime fraiche. And a little ayahuasca.”
“Jesus Christ, Gwyneth.”
— Chuck Wendig (@ChuckWendig) January 7, 2018
Daryl Durham says:
You need a bird book, great blue heron. Big Bird. Had bad flu found I was brushing my teeth with ants, while reading Invasive. Really.
January 8, 2018 — 11:06 AM
leslieartist333 says:
OK I do think Gwenyth is a rich lady with too much time on her hands, nevertheless, there have been a few people who beat their colon cancers and coffee enemas were part of the regime. I almost hate to say that, but there it is… the rest of the regime was super healthy diets, mental visualization, and progressive doctors.
January 8, 2018 — 11:22 AM
Emily Miles says:
How much does gwenyth cost per hour? I need a gwenyth in my life.
Spiritual-cocaine detox, here I come
January 9, 2018 — 10:34 PM