Last week’s challenge: Picking Uncommon Apples.
So, I’ve been getting some weird spam comments and emails these days.
They are vaguely tinged with horror.
Goofy horror. Worthless, not-scary horror. Poorly-written horror.
But horror.
For instance, a strong vampire theme runs through, as in this one:
My name is Clavin.,am an agent of vampire,am here to introduce our new world trend to you,a world of vampire where life get easier,we have made so many persons vampires and have turned them rich,you will be assured long life and prosperity,you shall be made to be very sensitive to mental alertness,stronger and also very fast,you will not be restricted to walking at night only even at the very middle of broad day light you will be made to walk.In case you are wildly oppressed by some unscrupulous persons we can still help you fight them.Your protection is assured immediately you join.Just contact the bellow email if you are interested we are here to attend to you anytime you want us. Contact the bellow email for more details. Email: [redacted] or phone number +[redacted]
No, I have no idea.
What I do know is that I enjoy when you can take one mode of communication and turn it to use in storytelling. (Example: HORRORSTOR, a recent horror novel that is framed as — no, really — a catalog from an IKEA-esque store. Or! HELP FUND MY ROBOT ARMY, an anthology of stories written as crowdfunding campaigns — which, not coincidentally, features a story of mine.)
So, what I want to see from you is:
A horror story framed as a spam email.
Right?
Take that assignment, run with it as you see fit.
How scary can you make a spam mail? That’s the challenge.
I’d keep it to the shorter side — 500 words or so.
Post at your online space.
Link back here.
Due by next Friday, noon EST.
I’ll pick three entrants randomly to get some free e-books from YOURS TRULY. (Though as I’m gone next Thurs – Tues at the Surrey Writer’s Conference in Vancouver, I won’t pick the random winners until Wednesday or so.)
Mozette says:
Love this idea!
http://youcantgoback-andotherimpossibilities.blogspot.com.au/2014/10/dear-participant.html
Now, I’ve always thought of this as truth about this. 😀
And this is why once a week, I have a technology-free day. 😀
October 17, 2014 — 8:55 AM
Beth Turnage says:
Properly evil.
October 17, 2014 — 2:17 PM
colinjkeats says:
Always great !
October 18, 2014 — 4:19 AM
Kevin Wallace says:
Very clever.. I’m going to go read a book now :).
October 19, 2014 — 12:20 PM
Mozette says:
Hahaa… thank you guys! This was fun to do, don’t you think? 😀
October 20, 2014 — 8:59 AM
Pavowski says:
I love this challenge. What a weird look.
October 17, 2014 — 9:58 AM
Pavowski says:
I couldn’t help going a little goofy with this one, but I’m afraid I can’t even almost match the original. Here’s “You’ll Join Eventually, Anyway”: http://wp.me/p4p1YR-hR
October 18, 2014 — 10:07 PM
colinjkeats says:
Nail-hitting as well as nail biting… well for those who have nails left.
October 19, 2014 — 4:26 AM
mannixk says:
This made me laugh. And if you can’t laugh at flesh-eating hordes, what can you laugh at?
October 19, 2014 — 10:27 PM
joeturner87 says:
I don’t think I can do as well as Clavin, but I’ll try
October 17, 2014 — 12:15 PM
Joe Turner says:
So here it is
https://joetblogs.wordpress.com/wp-admin/post.php?post=121&action=edit&message=6&postpost=v2
Not much of a Horror element, but one sentence did scare the s**t out of me when I wrote it.
October 18, 2014 — 2:33 PM
Pavowski says:
Hey Joe,
Your link didn’t work for me. However http://joetblogs.wordpress.com/2014/10/18/terribleminds-flash-fiction-challenge-spammerpunk-horror/ did.
I am curious which sentence frightened you. Was it Streisand?
October 18, 2014 — 9:25 PM
Joe Turner says:
Oops. Thanks Pavowski. Yep, it was the Streisand one.
October 19, 2014 — 4:57 AM
Rebecca Douglass says:
You made me laugh, which is always good!
October 23, 2014 — 12:48 PM
Joe Turner says:
Thanks Rebecca 🙂
October 24, 2014 — 4:15 AM
itsfamilyjules says:
Clavin is a genius. I want a “bellow” email…sounds loud.
October 17, 2014 — 12:46 PM
Beth Turnage says:
Here is my contribution, “We Regret to Inform You”:
http://bethturnage.com/?p=249
October 17, 2014 — 2:16 PM
smkay70 says:
Damn flying monkeys!
October 17, 2014 — 4:47 PM
colinjkeats says:
It sounds like something a British attorney would write. Good job!
October 18, 2014 — 4:20 AM
boydstun215 says:
What a fun and creative challenge.
The Horrorstor ideas is absolutely brilliant. I love it when writers completely turn the average and the everyday on its head like this.
October 17, 2014 — 2:54 PM
Liam Hayes says:
I love reading the demented ramblings of spam-bots. (Those lying bastards. It still looks like Tiny Tim in earthworm-form.)
Anyway, here’s what I did;
http://www.liamhayeswriter.com/?p=134
Cheers
October 17, 2014 — 2:55 PM
Beth Turnage says:
I love the heading! No scam.
October 17, 2014 — 4:36 PM
smkay70 says:
Perfect!
October 17, 2014 — 4:47 PM
roboclow says:
Creepy and authentic!
October 18, 2014 — 2:41 AM
colinjkeats says:
Awesomeness is ensuing!
October 18, 2014 — 4:21 AM
Liam Hayes says:
Cheers, guys!
October 18, 2014 — 12:06 PM
allsnjill says:
I really enjoyed this challenge! Here’s my submission:
http://ajbauers.blogspot.com/2014/10/subject-please-help.html
Think Prince of Nigeria esque-scam. But with zombies.
October 17, 2014 — 3:55 PM
Beth Turnage says:
zombies . . . and braaaiins.
October 17, 2014 — 4:13 PM
dangerdean says:
I liked that. Even in a challenge based on humour there was sadness………………..
October 24, 2014 — 1:46 AM
smkay70 says:
Awesome zombie-ness!
October 17, 2014 — 4:49 PM
Bob Lock says:
Hi Chuck – Here’s my offering: WE PURCHASE ANY ORGAN LTD
http://bob-lock.blogspot.co.uk/2014/10/chuck-wendig-horror-spam-email.html
October 17, 2014 — 5:41 PM
colinjkeats says:
So Python-esque I almost heard the ‘spam’ song…. 🙂
October 18, 2014 — 3:43 PM
Paige S. says:
Bahahahaa
October 22, 2014 — 7:03 PM
addy95 says:
My first blog and challenge from the mighty Wendig.
I will appreciate any constructive criticism. Since this is my first time my safe word is Apple’s.
Here it is
http://adamskistoryblog.wordpress.com/2014/10/17/increase-the-size-of-your-fangs/
I went for the classic spam and made an attempt for humour.
Thanks!
October 17, 2014 — 6:17 PM
colinjkeats says:
I liked it!
October 18, 2014 — 3:44 PM
Paige S. says:
Sorry, buddy. “Apples,” was last week! (I have no notes! It was great!)
October 22, 2014 — 7:04 PM
Sara Marschand says:
That was fun!
http://saramarschand.wordpress.com/2014/10/17/writing-challenge-a-horror-story-framed-as-spam/
October 17, 2014 — 10:48 PM
colinjkeats says:
I can tell. Yours was perfect. I loved it. I almost signed up for the product….
October 18, 2014 — 3:46 PM
Jon Stoffel says:
Y’know, I never considered blood weight. I probably have pounds of it to shed!
October 22, 2014 — 4:43 PM
colinjkeats says:
Hmm, this was an exercise in exercising. I am not sure I caught the spirit of the challenge, but anyway … I went over 500 words and I would not say this is a horror story, although some might call it that. I call it … Often Mystic. Here is the link http://colinjkeats.wordpress.com/2014/10/18/often-mystic/
October 18, 2014 — 4:12 AM
colinjkeats says:
So here is what is weird. After I posted this, I get a guy named Mr Smith following my blog. I go to his blog and its all about how to get wealthy writing helpful blogs and teaching others to do the same…life imitating art imitating life.
October 19, 2014 — 4:23 AM
Beth Turnage says:
Well, my kids like me, and I’ve stopped doing blood sacrifices at least a millennia ago, but I did find this amusing. Good job.
October 23, 2014 — 8:15 PM
colinjkeats says:
thanks for reading!
October 24, 2014 — 2:03 AM
Gaie Sebold says:
Well, I was going to clean the bathroom this morning, but then…this happened. And so this… http://gaiesebold.com/?p=462 happened. And then I read everyone else’s stories, which were awesome. Who needs a clean bathroom anyway?
October 18, 2014 — 6:06 AM
Paige S. says:
This was definitely a better use of your time. Who cleans a bathroom anymore?
October 22, 2014 — 7:14 PM
Jonah says:
Apparently, I have excellent spam filters. I haven’t been urged to enhance myself for her pleasure or refinance my mortgage in quite some time. In any case, I’ve enjoyed reading the other entries and thought I’d share my own piece. http://mostlyjonah.wordpress.com/2014/10/18/flash-fiction-challenge-spammerpunk/
October 18, 2014 — 6:44 AM
mannixk says:
How is it that this was somewhat heart-warming and terrifying at the same time?
October 19, 2014 — 10:31 PM
Jonah says:
Poor fella. He just wants to connect with his sibling. And get some cash for Norbert. I think the idea of being contacted by a second, consumed soul is scary – but the message has been spammified, which takes a bit of sting out.
October 22, 2014 — 4:44 PM
Jon Stoffel says:
You know, for having been consumed, he sure is cheerful.
October 22, 2014 — 4:26 PM
Beth Turnage says:
Fabulous. Just perfect.
October 23, 2014 — 8:18 PM
wildbilbo says:
Click here for the one weird trick that published authors hate! http://uncertaintales.wordpress.com/2014/10/18/the-phisher-king/
(This is my entry, not actually spam. Or is it…?).
Cheers
KT
October 18, 2014 — 9:16 AM
colinjkeats says:
Great stuff!
October 19, 2014 — 4:23 AM
wildbilbo says:
Thanks for reading 🙂
October 19, 2014 — 4:25 AM
Jon Stoffel says:
Seems like a pretty good deal. Let me get out my wallet…
October 22, 2014 — 4:32 PM
wildbilbo says:
Thank you for your interest. The Old Ones will be in touch* shortly.
(*Touching Old Ones may result in insanity, death).
Thanks for reading 🙂
October 23, 2014 — 12:37 AM
Siddhartha says:
I cheated. I am so ashamed.
I took a real spam comment from my blog and modified the content. I wrote the story, but not the format.
http://ssbasu.wordpress.com/2014/10/18/flash-fiction-spammerpunk-horror/
I hope you still like it.
October 18, 2014 — 9:45 AM
Jon Stoffel says:
I didn’t know that about ol’ Shubby. You learn something unthinkable every day.
October 22, 2014 — 4:34 PM
JP Juniper says:
This was fun and hard. I ended up having to interpret “spam” and “horror” pretty liberally before I could come up with anything…
http://www.jpjuniper.com/stories/2014/10/18/elaborate-hoax
I’m pretty sure I own all of the Works of Wendig already, so I’ll take my name out of the random contest hat.
October 18, 2014 — 10:20 AM
smkay70 says:
Hehe. This was fun, and I think I will start sending these out to random family and friends! I kept it short and sweet. I call it “Thanks for participation…”
http://sabrakay.com/thank-participation/
October 18, 2014 — 5:07 PM
colinjkeats says:
Very subtle and menacing.
October 18, 2014 — 9:00 PM
Pavowski says:
Yeah, this one works. Very creepy feel.
October 22, 2014 — 8:01 PM
Lady Jessop says:
I’ve never ever done this before. Here’s my take.
http://ladyjessop.com/?p=603
October 18, 2014 — 7:22 PM
smkay70 says:
Great job! Poor guy….
October 19, 2014 — 12:25 AM
Steen says:
This is not intended as a submission, it’s just to say that just after reading this I got a mail from a name I did not recognize with the subject line “please help me”, and no message.
I went googling for the sender. Turns out her last facebook update was two months ago.
I’m a little creeped out.
October 18, 2014 — 8:41 PM
colinjkeats says:
It’s pretty easier for spammers and hackers to pick up an email address and use it as the spoof to send a message. Usually they are just trying to see if you are at the other end of the message and then the fun begins if you answer.And picking the email of a person who by their inactivity on Facebook shows they probably aren’t online much is a good spoof cover candidate. It is a great story prompt though, isn’t it? I actually am using something similar for a novel I am writing, only the cry for help is via a medium that is a bit less techie.
Bottom line – don’t answer it! 😉
October 18, 2014 — 8:52 PM
andreaspeed says:
I wrote this as free verse spam. Don’t know if it works, but I had so much fun writing it I feel it must be terrible. http://andreaspeed.com/2014/flash-fic-challenge-important-please-read/
October 19, 2014 — 4:13 AM
SarahClare says:
Haaa! This is so much fun!
http://tryingtowriteya.wordpress.com/2014/10/19/flash-fiction-challenge-spammerpunk-horror/
October 19, 2014 — 4:36 AM
darkvirtue1974 says:
This was devilishly fun! I went ahead and did two of them. The first was based off of those old chain emails you’d get about a dying girl that a company would supposedly donate money per email forwarded. The other was based off of the old school good/bad luck chain email.
http://darkvirtue1974.wordpress.com/2014/10/19/flash-fiction-challenge-spammerpunk-horror/
October 19, 2014 — 4:41 AM
Kevin Wallace says:
Here’s my attempt. I found this to be really difficult, actually. Horror is apparently not a natural vein for me to tap.
http://kevjava.blogspot.com/2014/10/flash-fiction-spammerpunk-horror.html
October 19, 2014 — 12:17 PM
mannixk says:
I like the mystery in this one…
October 19, 2014 — 10:35 PM
Mozette says:
suspense… I like it… and creepy indeed…
You’ve got the knack; you just don’t trust yourself… I like yours. Like I said, creepy. 🙂
It’s because we’ve all gone onto ‘auto-pilot’ on the drive home and not remembered how we had gotten home… just the pull/turn into the driveway.
October 20, 2014 — 9:03 AM
colinjkeats says:
Well done! I like it when you are never quite sure …. keeps you up at night. If Iactually received something like this it would play with my mind for quite a while.
October 20, 2014 — 8:04 PM
wombatony says:
I went with the “Your relative died and left you everything” spam.
http://thewritingwombat.wordpress.com/2014/10/19/spammerpunk-horror/
October 20, 2014 — 12:01 AM
denicide says:
I wondered that more people didn’t write about that one. Your writing is great and the part about sending the body part is hilarious.
October 22, 2014 — 5:44 PM
Amanda Hackwith says:
Absolutely love this one, and immediately combined the idea of horror spam with an irrational fear I’ve always had. Here’s my first ever flash challenge attempt….
http://www.amandahackwith.com/flash-fiction-challenge-spammerpunk-horror/
October 20, 2014 — 9:52 AM
dangerdean says:
That last bit was sad, and freaked me the hell out.
October 24, 2014 — 2:05 AM
Kevin Wallace says:
This one is great! The degeneration in her speech was curious and suspenseful. I loved the idea of calling her Christine, the same name of Stephen King’s machine who became alive, also used for a human who devolves into machinery.
October 24, 2014 — 6:34 AM
robboley says:
Here’s my stab at it (pun very much intended):
http://www.robboley.com/flash-fiction-less/
I went to my spam folder, grabbed the first spam message that looked interesting, and ran with it.
Loved this challenge.
October 20, 2014 — 10:13 AM
Dave says:
Nice! Who says losing weight is difficult…
October 21, 2014 — 1:49 PM
Free Jack Klugman says:
It’s been a while since I’ve had a chance to contribute, but this one was simply too good to pass up. Here’s my swing at a little Lovecraftian Spammerpunk: http://www.freejackklugman.com/shorts/cravimosity/
Enjoy and Happy Halloween!
October 20, 2014 — 4:59 PM
denicide says:
This is really funny, well done! I also love that it makes sense to use the phrase ‘Lovecraftian Spammerpunk.’
October 22, 2014 — 5:39 PM
tedra says:
Here it is, finally! http://diginhappy.blogspot.com/2014/10/flash-fiction-challenge-chosen.html?m=1
October 21, 2014 — 8:12 AM
Dave says:
I wrote two.
http://www.unfoldingepic.com/writing/flash-fiction-challenge-spam-horror/
October 21, 2014 — 1:37 PM
Helen Espinosa says:
Here’s my entry. This was fun, actually! 😉
https://helenespinosa.wordpress.com/2014/10/21/assimilate-now/
October 21, 2014 — 11:10 PM
Himani says:
Woo! Made it! This was a fun prompt, although mine turned more satirical than horrific. Remember our friend, the Nigerian Prince? Well, he and his entourage are back! Except they’re selling something quite different…
http://himantraweb.com/archives/2014/10/spammerpunk-horror-419/
October 22, 2014 — 9:07 AM
Kurt Bali says:
I didn’t want to do this because I’m lazy and this actually made me think. End the end, I did it just for that reason. Don’t know about the result, but if you are in need of daemonic possession, they claim they can help.
http://sixgunwizard.blogspot.com/2014/10/dont-let-your-s0ul-be-l0nely.html
October 22, 2014 — 1:59 PM