On This, The Lord’s Day, We Choose To Speak Of Porn

I like to think of myself as something of a pop culture examiner. I like to sift through its dust and detritus and see what shiny baubles or squirming beetles my fingers can find, and really, what’s more pop culture than porn? Because, y’know, erections. See what I did there? Pop culture? Erections? Pop culture? Like, pop goes the boner? Sproing? Maybe? No? Feh. Okay, I was overreaching. I haven’t had the morning coffee yet. Anyway. Let’s talk about porn. Let’s have a pornversation. Porn — man, maybe I’m just... Read The Rest →

My Wife Just Leveled Up

Today is the ascension of my wife to a new state of being — a brand new plane of existence. You can practically hear the “ding.” Yes, that’s right. My wife has hit one of those milestone ages. Finally, finally, she’s turned “sweet sixteen.” Let the fun begin! She can get her driver’s license! Woo to the hoo. (Lest the authorities be reading this, I assure you, I am not married to a 16-year-old girl. Though, if I lived in [YOUR LEAST FAVORITE STATE OF THE AMERICAN DEEP SOUTH], it’d... Read The Rest →

Avatar Porn Will Destroy Us All

Theory: we know that a property has entered the pop culture consciousness when pornography is made in its image. Examples: Pulp Friction, Forrest Hump, Saving Ryan’s Privates, Shaving Ryan’s Privates, and so on. You don’t find this to be the case with films that fail to connect with audiences. The Hurt Locker is a critical darling, but failed to make money with audiences (a big fat super shame), so we’re unlikely to see The Squirt Locker, or The Spurt Stocker or The Skirt Focker. Further, we’re unlikely to see The... Read The Rest →

Insert Tab A Into Slot B: Writing Sex Scenes

“Write something about writing sex scenes.” I asked for blog post ideas, and that was one of many that Will Hindmarch came up with. And that was the one I dismissed immediately. I waved it off and said, “The others sound good. I’ll do those. I have nothing useful to contribute about writing sex in fiction.” My brain apparently didn’t agree with me. (Which surprised me, given that it’s my brain, but since this insurgency happens frequently I dunno why I’m surprised.) While I had dismissed the idea out of... Read The Rest →

You Are Dirty, Dirty People

You are naughty little scum-monkeys, aren’t you? Let me explain. The site keeps track of the search terms that you fine, upstanding weirdos are using to discover this website, and boy, am I glad it does. Because if it didn’t, I would never know that you found this site via searching for the following terms: “Man sucks off monkey” “Crushing feet sex” “Free movies of big clits” “Lee Majors penis size” And, most recent and most favorite: (drum roll, please) “Insects in my ass” That last one kind of… curled... Read The Rest →

 
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