Flash Fiction Challenge: Spammerpunk Horror
Last week’s challenge: Picking Uncommon Apples.
So, I’ve been getting some weird spam comments and emails these days.
They are vaguely tinged with horror.
Goofy horror. Worthless, not-scary horror. Poorly-written horror.
But horror.
For instance, a strong vampire theme runs through, as in this one:
My name is Clavin.,am an agent of vampire,am here to introduce our new world trend to you,a world of vampire where life get easier,we have made so many persons vampires and have turned them rich,you will be assured long life and prosperity,you shall be made to be very sensitive to mental alertness,stronger and also very fast,you will not be restricted to walking at night only even at the very middle of broad day light you will be made to walk.In case you are wildly oppressed by some unscrupulous persons we can still help you fight them.Your protection is assured immediately you join.Just contact the bellow email if you are interested we are here to attend to you anytime you want us. Contact the bellow email for more details. Email: [redacted] or phone number +[redacted]
No, I have no idea.
What I do know is that I enjoy when you can take one mode of communication and turn it to use in storytelling. (Example: HORRORSTOR, a recent horror novel that is framed as — no, really — a catalog from an IKEA-esque store. Or! HELP FUND MY ROBOT ARMY, an anthology of stories written as crowdfunding campaigns — which, not coincidentally, features a story of mine.)
So, what I want to see from you is:
A horror story framed as a spam email.
Right?
Take that assignment, run with it as you see fit.
How scary can you make a spam mail? That’s the challenge.
I’d keep it to the shorter side — 500 words or so.
Post at your online space.
Link back here.
Due by next Friday, noon EST.
I’ll pick three entrants randomly to get some free e-books from YOURS TRULY. (Though as I’m gone next Thurs – Tues at the Surrey Writer’s Conference in Vancouver, I won’t pick the random winners until Wednesday or so.)
Mozette
October 17, 2014 at 8:55 AM //
Love this idea!
http://youcantgoback-andotherimpossibilities.blogspot.com.au/2014/10/dear-participant.html
Now, I’ve always thought of this as truth about this.
And this is why once a week, I have a technology-free day.
Beth Turnage
October 17, 2014 at 2:17 PM //
Properly evil.
colinjkeats
October 18, 2014 at 4:19 AM //
Always great !
Kevin Wallace
October 19, 2014 at 12:20 PM //
Very clever.. I’m going to go read a book now :).
Mozette
October 20, 2014 at 8:59 AM //
Hahaa… thank you guys! This was fun to do, don’t you think?
Pavowski
October 17, 2014 at 9:58 AM //
I love this challenge. What a weird look.
Pavowski
October 18, 2014 at 10:07 PM //
I couldn’t help going a little goofy with this one, but I’m afraid I can’t even almost match the original. Here’s “You’ll Join Eventually, Anyway”: http://wp.me/p4p1YR-hR
colinjkeats
October 19, 2014 at 4:26 AM //
Nail-hitting as well as nail biting… well for those who have nails left.
mannixk
October 19, 2014 at 10:27 PM //
This made me laugh. And if you can’t laugh at flesh-eating hordes, what can you laugh at?
joeturner87
October 17, 2014 at 12:15 PM //
I don’t think I can do as well as Clavin, but I’ll try
Joe Turner
October 18, 2014 at 2:33 PM //
So here it is
https://joetblogs.wordpress.com/wp-admin/post.php?post=121&action=edit&message=6&postpost=v2
Not much of a Horror element, but one sentence did scare the s**t out of me when I wrote it.
Pavowski
October 18, 2014 at 9:25 PM //
Hey Joe,
Your link didn’t work for me. However http://joetblogs.wordpress.com/2014/10/18/terribleminds-flash-fiction-challenge-spammerpunk-horror/ did.
I am curious which sentence frightened you. Was it Streisand?
Joe Turner
October 19, 2014 at 4:57 AM //
Oops. Thanks Pavowski. Yep, it was the Streisand one.
Rebecca Douglass
October 23, 2014 at 12:48 PM //
You made me laugh, which is always good!
Joe Turner
October 24, 2014 at 4:15 AM //
Thanks Rebecca
itsfamilyjules
October 17, 2014 at 12:46 PM //
Clavin is a genius. I want a “bellow” email…sounds loud.
Beth Turnage
October 17, 2014 at 2:16 PM //
Here is my contribution, “We Regret to Inform You”:
http://bethturnage.com/?p=249
smkay70
October 17, 2014 at 4:47 PM //
Damn flying monkeys!
colinjkeats
October 18, 2014 at 4:20 AM //
It sounds like something a British attorney would write. Good job!
boydstun215
October 17, 2014 at 2:54 PM //
What a fun and creative challenge.
The Horrorstor ideas is absolutely brilliant. I love it when writers completely turn the average and the everyday on its head like this.
Liam Hayes
October 17, 2014 at 2:55 PM //
I love reading the demented ramblings of spam-bots. (Those lying bastards. It still looks like Tiny Tim in earthworm-form.)
Anyway, here’s what I did;
http://www.liamhayeswriter.com/?p=134
Cheers
Beth Turnage
October 17, 2014 at 4:36 PM //
I love the heading! No scam.
smkay70
October 17, 2014 at 4:47 PM //
Perfect!
roboclow
October 18, 2014 at 2:41 AM //
Creepy and authentic!
colinjkeats
October 18, 2014 at 4:21 AM //
Awesomeness is ensuing!
Liam Hayes
October 18, 2014 at 12:06 PM //
Cheers, guys!
allsnjill
October 17, 2014 at 3:55 PM //
I really enjoyed this challenge! Here’s my submission:
http://ajbauers.blogspot.com/2014/10/subject-please-help.html
Think Prince of Nigeria esque-scam. But with zombies.
Beth Turnage
October 17, 2014 at 4:13 PM //
zombies . . . and braaaiins.
dangerdean
October 24, 2014 at 1:46 AM //
I liked that. Even in a challenge based on humour there was sadness………………..
smkay70
October 17, 2014 at 4:49 PM //
Awesome zombie-ness!
Bob Lock
October 17, 2014 at 5:41 PM //
Hi Chuck – Here’s my offering: WE PURCHASE ANY ORGAN LTD
http://bob-lock.blogspot.co.uk/2014/10/chuck-wendig-horror-spam-email.html
colinjkeats
October 18, 2014 at 3:43 PM //
So Python-esque I almost heard the ‘spam’ song….
Paige S.
October 22, 2014 at 7:03 PM //
Bahahahaa
addy95
October 17, 2014 at 6:17 PM //
My first blog and challenge from the mighty Wendig.
I will appreciate any constructive criticism. Since this is my first time my safe word is Apple’s.
Here it is
http://adamskistoryblog.wordpress.com/2014/10/17/increase-the-size-of-your-fangs/
I went for the classic spam and made an attempt for humour.
Thanks!
colinjkeats
October 18, 2014 at 3:44 PM //
I liked it!
Paige S.
October 22, 2014 at 7:04 PM //
Sorry, buddy. “Apples,” was last week! (I have no notes! It was great!)
Sara Marschand
October 17, 2014 at 10:48 PM //
That was fun!
http://saramarschand.wordpress.com/2014/10/17/writing-challenge-a-horror-story-framed-as-spam/
colinjkeats
October 18, 2014 at 3:46 PM //
I can tell. Yours was perfect. I loved it. I almost signed up for the product….
Jon Stoffel
October 22, 2014 at 4:43 PM //
Y’know, I never considered blood weight. I probably have pounds of it to shed!
colinjkeats
October 18, 2014 at 4:12 AM //
Hmm, this was an exercise in exercising. I am not sure I caught the spirit of the challenge, but anyway … I went over 500 words and I would not say this is a horror story, although some might call it that. I call it … Often Mystic. Here is the link http://colinjkeats.wordpress.com/2014/10/18/often-mystic/
colinjkeats
October 19, 2014 at 4:23 AM //
So here is what is weird. After I posted this, I get a guy named Mr Smith following my blog. I go to his blog and its all about how to get wealthy writing helpful blogs and teaching others to do the same…life imitating art imitating life.
Beth Turnage
October 23, 2014 at 8:15 PM //
Well, my kids like me, and I’ve stopped doing blood sacrifices at least a millennia ago, but I did find this amusing. Good job.
colinjkeats
October 24, 2014 at 2:03 AM //
thanks for reading!
Gaie Sebold
October 18, 2014 at 6:06 AM //
Well, I was going to clean the bathroom this morning, but then…this happened. And so this… http://gaiesebold.com/?p=462 happened. And then I read everyone else’s stories, which were awesome. Who needs a clean bathroom anyway?
Paige S.
October 22, 2014 at 7:14 PM //
This was definitely a better use of your time. Who cleans a bathroom anymore?
Jonah
October 18, 2014 at 6:44 AM //
Apparently, I have excellent spam filters. I haven’t been urged to enhance myself for her pleasure or refinance my mortgage in quite some time. In any case, I’ve enjoyed reading the other entries and thought I’d share my own piece. http://mostlyjonah.wordpress.com/2014/10/18/flash-fiction-challenge-spammerpunk/
mannixk
October 19, 2014 at 10:31 PM //
How is it that this was somewhat heart-warming and terrifying at the same time?
Jonah
October 22, 2014 at 4:44 PM //
Poor fella. He just wants to connect with his sibling. And get some cash for Norbert. I think the idea of being contacted by a second, consumed soul is scary – but the message has been spammified, which takes a bit of sting out.
Jon Stoffel
October 22, 2014 at 4:26 PM //
You know, for having been consumed, he sure is cheerful.
Beth Turnage
October 23, 2014 at 8:18 PM //
Fabulous. Just perfect.
wildbilbo
October 18, 2014 at 9:16 AM //
Click here for the one weird trick that published authors hate! http://uncertaintales.wordpress.com/2014/10/18/the-phisher-king/
(This is my entry, not actually spam. Or is it…?).
Cheers
KT
colinjkeats
October 19, 2014 at 4:23 AM //
Great stuff!
wildbilbo
October 19, 2014 at 4:25 AM //
Thanks for reading
Jon Stoffel
October 22, 2014 at 4:32 PM //
Seems like a pretty good deal. Let me get out my wallet…
wildbilbo
October 23, 2014 at 12:37 AM //
Thank you for your interest. The Old Ones will be in touch* shortly.
(*Touching Old Ones may result in insanity, death).
Thanks for reading
Siddhartha
October 18, 2014 at 9:45 AM //
I cheated. I am so ashamed.
I took a real spam comment from my blog and modified the content. I wrote the story, but not the format.
http://ssbasu.wordpress.com/2014/10/18/flash-fiction-spammerpunk-horror/
I hope you still like it.
Jon Stoffel
October 22, 2014 at 4:34 PM //
I didn’t know that about ol’ Shubby. You learn something unthinkable every day.
JP Juniper
October 18, 2014 at 10:20 AM //
This was fun and hard. I ended up having to interpret “spam” and “horror” pretty liberally before I could come up with anything…
http://www.jpjuniper.com/stories/2014/10/18/elaborate-hoax
I’m pretty sure I own all of the Works of Wendig already, so I’ll take my name out of the random contest hat.
smkay70
October 18, 2014 at 5:07 PM //
Hehe. This was fun, and I think I will start sending these out to random family and friends! I kept it short and sweet. I call it “Thanks for participation…”
http://sabrakay.com/thank-participation/
colinjkeats
October 18, 2014 at 9:00 PM //
Very subtle and menacing.
Pavowski
October 22, 2014 at 8:01 PM //
Yeah, this one works. Very creepy feel.
Lady Jessop
October 18, 2014 at 7:22 PM //
I’ve never ever done this before. Here’s my take.
http://ladyjessop.com/?p=603
smkay70
October 19, 2014 at 12:25 AM //
Great job! Poor guy….
Steen
October 18, 2014 at 8:41 PM //
This is not intended as a submission, it’s just to say that just after reading this I got a mail from a name I did not recognize with the subject line “please help me”, and no message.
I went googling for the sender. Turns out her last facebook update was two months ago.
I’m a little creeped out.
colinjkeats
October 18, 2014 at 8:52 PM //
It’s pretty easier for spammers and hackers to pick up an email address and use it as the spoof to send a message. Usually they are just trying to see if you are at the other end of the message and then the fun begins if you answer.And picking the email of a person who by their inactivity on Facebook shows they probably aren’t online much is a good spoof cover candidate. It is a great story prompt though, isn’t it? I actually am using something similar for a novel I am writing, only the cry for help is via a medium that is a bit less techie.
Bottom line – don’t answer it!
andreaspeed
October 19, 2014 at 4:13 AM //
I wrote this as free verse spam. Don’t know if it works, but I had so much fun writing it I feel it must be terrible. http://andreaspeed.com/2014/flash-fic-challenge-important-please-read/
SarahClare
October 19, 2014 at 4:36 AM //
Haaa! This is so much fun!
http://tryingtowriteya.wordpress.com/2014/10/19/flash-fiction-challenge-spammerpunk-horror/
darkvirtue1974
October 19, 2014 at 4:41 AM //
This was devilishly fun! I went ahead and did two of them. The first was based off of those old chain emails you’d get about a dying girl that a company would supposedly donate money per email forwarded. The other was based off of the old school good/bad luck chain email.
http://darkvirtue1974.wordpress.com/2014/10/19/flash-fiction-challenge-spammerpunk-horror/
Kevin Wallace
October 19, 2014 at 12:17 PM //
Here’s my attempt. I found this to be really difficult, actually. Horror is apparently not a natural vein for me to tap.
http://kevjava.blogspot.com/2014/10/flash-fiction-spammerpunk-horror.html
mannixk
October 19, 2014 at 10:35 PM //
I like the mystery in this one…
Mozette
October 20, 2014 at 9:03 AM //
suspense… I like it… and creepy indeed…
You’ve got the knack; you just don’t trust yourself… I like yours. Like I said, creepy.
It’s because we’ve all gone onto ‘auto-pilot’ on the drive home and not remembered how we had gotten home… just the pull/turn into the driveway.
colinjkeats
October 20, 2014 at 8:04 PM //
Well done! I like it when you are never quite sure …. keeps you up at night. If Iactually received something like this it would play with my mind for quite a while.
wombatony
October 20, 2014 at 12:01 AM //
I went with the “Your relative died and left you everything” spam.
http://thewritingwombat.wordpress.com/2014/10/19/spammerpunk-horror/
denicide
October 22, 2014 at 5:44 PM //
I wondered that more people didn’t write about that one. Your writing is great and the part about sending the body part is hilarious.
Amanda Hackwith
October 20, 2014 at 9:52 AM //
Absolutely love this one, and immediately combined the idea of horror spam with an irrational fear I’ve always had. Here’s my first ever flash challenge attempt….
http://www.amandahackwith.com/flash-fiction-challenge-spammerpunk-horror/
dangerdean
October 24, 2014 at 2:05 AM //
That last bit was sad, and freaked me the hell out.
Kevin Wallace
October 24, 2014 at 6:34 AM //
This one is great! The degeneration in her speech was curious and suspenseful. I loved the idea of calling her Christine, the same name of Stephen King’s machine who became alive, also used for a human who devolves into machinery.
robboley
October 20, 2014 at 10:13 AM //
Here’s my stab at it (pun very much intended):
http://www.robboley.com/flash-fiction-less/
I went to my spam folder, grabbed the first spam message that looked interesting, and ran with it.
Loved this challenge.
Dave
October 21, 2014 at 1:49 PM //
Nice! Who says losing weight is difficult…
Free Jack Klugman
October 20, 2014 at 4:59 PM //
It’s been a while since I’ve had a chance to contribute, but this one was simply too good to pass up. Here’s my swing at a little Lovecraftian Spammerpunk: http://www.freejackklugman.com/shorts/cravimosity/
Enjoy and Happy Halloween!
denicide
October 22, 2014 at 5:39 PM //
This is really funny, well done! I also love that it makes sense to use the phrase ‘Lovecraftian Spammerpunk.’
tedra
October 21, 2014 at 8:12 AM //
Here it is, finally! http://diginhappy.blogspot.com/2014/10/flash-fiction-challenge-chosen.html?m=1
Dave
October 21, 2014 at 1:37 PM //
I wrote two.
http://www.unfoldingepic.com/writing/flash-fiction-challenge-spam-horror/
Helen Espinosa
October 21, 2014 at 11:10 PM //
Here’s my entry. This was fun, actually!
https://helenespinosa.wordpress.com/2014/10/21/assimilate-now/
Himani
October 22, 2014 at 9:07 AM //
Woo! Made it! This was a fun prompt, although mine turned more satirical than horrific. Remember our friend, the Nigerian Prince? Well, he and his entourage are back! Except they’re selling something quite different…
http://himantraweb.com/archives/2014/10/spammerpunk-horror-419/
Kurt Bali
October 22, 2014 at 1:59 PM //
I didn’t want to do this because I’m lazy and this actually made me think. End the end, I did it just for that reason. Don’t know about the result, but if you are in need of daemonic possession, they claim they can help.
http://sixgunwizard.blogspot.com/2014/10/dont-let-your-s0ul-be-l0nely.html
Jon Stoffel
October 22, 2014 at 4:19 PM //
Here I have an Urgent Message Regarding the Death of My Client.
You… may want to read the fine print.
http://www.jdstoffel.com/2014/10/an-urgent-message-regarding-the-death-of-my-client/
denicide
October 22, 2014 at 5:28 PM //
This challenge is just too fun. I tried to imitate the blogspam that plagues the internet:
http://blogatonium.wordpress.com/2014/10/22/flash-fiction-no-tricks/
Rebecca Douglass
October 23, 2014 at 12:46 PM //
Well done!
L. N. Holmes
October 23, 2014 at 10:00 PM //
Lots of suspense!
Paige S.
October 22, 2014 at 6:07 PM //
I think it should all work!
http://pznb.wordpress.com/2014/10/22/urgent-your-immediate-attention-is-required/
L. N. Holmes
October 23, 2014 at 9:51 PM //
I love that you write “in the century your cousin is residing,” very funny.
Rebecca Douglass
October 23, 2014 at 12:39 PM //
Had some fun with this, though it’s not very horrific and not all that much like real spam, either.
http://www.ninjalibrarian.com/2014/10/thursday-flash-fiction-horror-of-spam.html
L. N. Holmes
October 23, 2014 at 9:38 PM //
I like how the urgency steadily grows in this letter and the last line had me laughing!
Rebecca Douglass
October 24, 2014 at 5:59 PM //
Sounds like I succeeded! I can’t help myself–I’d always rather leave my audience laughing than creeped out, though an occasional creeping isn’t all bad
johnbensink
October 23, 2014 at 1:10 PM //
here’s mine: http://johnbensink.wordpress.com/2014/10/23/poijiku-is-here/
Jemima Pett
October 23, 2014 at 6:38 PM //
This is not very horrific either, unless you’ve had to live through much of it recently – thanks for helping me get it all off my chest! Many UK people will recognise the email system involved. Oh, hang on – this is fiction and any resemblance etc etc. is entirely coincidental. [It’ll be live in 30 mins. I’m off to bed]
http://jemimapett.com/blog/2014/10/24/flash-fiction-friday-spammerpunk-horror/
L. N. Holmes
October 23, 2014 at 9:33 PM //
My favorite line: “…our vampires suck the speed from your system…” Hilarious!
Rebecca Douglass
October 24, 2014 at 6:00 PM //
I think you should send this letter to your email admins and offer them rights to use it, for a (not so) small fee!).
L. N. Holmes
October 23, 2014 at 8:39 PM //
I had a lot of fun with this challenge. My piece is short, I hope everyone enjoys it!
http://lnholmeswriter.wordpress.com/2014/10/23/flash-fiction-challenge-2-a-monsters-email-correspondance/
dangerdean
October 24, 2014 at 1:33 AM //
I don’t write a lot of horror. I’m curious what those who do think of this.
It’s 512 words.
https://dangerdean.wordpress.com/2014/10/23/order-now/
momdude
October 24, 2014 at 10:55 AM //
Juuuust sneaking in under the deadline, it’s “{Script|Horror|Spam}” which might be more “Addams Family” horror than “Saw” horror.
http://pauljwillett.com/2014/10/24/flash-fiction-scripthorrorspam/