I may have some kind of parasite. Some little blue-bird buried into my brainmeats, whose incessant chirps drive me to tweet endlessly anon.
Anyway. Monday night came around and I was leading up to Tweet #100,000, and I was already a little goofy on ice cream and bee’s knees cocktails, so I figured I’d launch into a kind of the first ten pieces of wisdom that fall out of my upended buckethead.
For those that missed this on Twitter come Monday night, well.
Here y’go.
1. Fuck ‘em if they can’t take a joke. But don’t fuck up the joke, because then, hey fuck you. Funny is funny but not everything is funny.
— Chuck Wendig (@ChuckWendig) July 2, 2013
2. Sometimes to fix something, you first gotta break it. This is true in writing. This is true in life. Probably not true in sex, though.
— Chuck Wendig (@ChuckWendig) July 2, 2013
3. If you’re surrounded by assholes, oops, you’re probably the asshole. Stop inflicting yourself on everybody like a curse. Jerk.
— Chuck Wendig (@ChuckWendig) July 2, 2013
4. You get one turn on the carousel and after that, who fucking knows? Own it. Love it. Find happy. Cling to happy like a koala on a tree.
— Chuck Wendig (@ChuckWendig) July 2, 2013
5. The other thing about happiness is, it only works when yours doesn’t steal from somebody else’s. You do that, you’re an asshole.
— Chuck Wendig (@ChuckWendig) July 2, 2013
6. If you have the chance to join the Star League as the Last Starfighter, TAKE IT. I mean, c’mon. DO I HAVE TO EXPLAIN THIS? No. #no
— Chuck Wendig (@ChuckWendig) July 2, 2013
7. Regret is a fool’s game unless you have a time-traveling Delorean. Otherwise, learn your lesson and move the fuck on.
— Chuck Wendig (@ChuckWendig) July 2, 2013
8. We’re terrible judges of our own self-worth so when you feel that incubus of doubt and fear, starve it of attention. That’s how it dies.
— Chuck Wendig (@ChuckWendig) July 2, 2013
9. Be a fountain, not a drain.
— Chuck Wendig (@ChuckWendig) July 2, 2013
10. Create something. We are what we leave behind: life, love, stories, music, whatever. As always: art harder, motherfucker.
— Chuck Wendig (@ChuckWendig) July 2, 2013
And that was tweet 100,000 by my count.
— Chuck Wendig (@ChuckWendig) July 2, 2013
Tweet 100,002: CHIMPANZEE DIAPER UNICORN POOP HOBO LAMBORGHINI ORANGUTAN LEPRECHAUN SWAMP MONSTER AMANDA BYNES IA IA GAGA BIEBER FTHAGN
— Chuck Wendig (@ChuckWendig) July 2, 2013
Daniel Nest says:
I emphatically agree with the last Tweet.
July 3, 2013 — 7:01 AM
A.C. James says:
Agreed.
July 3, 2013 — 1:06 PM
lkeke says:
Who wouldn’t? Life makes so much more sense now.
July 3, 2013 — 6:10 PM
Dave Higgins says:
Your last tweet is playing with forces beyond your comprehension. Before you invoke unholy names again remember that Twitter echoes and re-echoes your words like a prayer-wheel; where one naming might be lost to the ether the repetition will build embedding them in the Aeon.
Only eating bacon can save us now.
July 3, 2013 — 7:30 AM
Rick Carroll says:
I am not sure if I should applaud you or not. Probably not. But then again, if it wasn’t for me, you wouldn’t know what you shouldn’t break in #2. Speaking of which, I still have to do yoga to pee. I’m sending you the bills, both medical and for all the Ben-Gay I am not forced to go through.
July 3, 2013 — 9:20 AM
Molly Dugger Brennan says:
What, no #9?
July 3, 2013 — 9:24 AM
terribleminds says:
So weird. It was there this morning! I swear! I blame Twitter. Or gremlins.
July 3, 2013 — 9:32 AM
Molly Dugger Brennan says:
. . . and now it’s back. That makes more sense. Having read you for years, it could have just as easily been your way of fucking with us. I’m awake, I’m awake, I swear.
July 3, 2013 — 9:37 AM
betsydornbusch says:
Happiness TOTALLY WORKS when it’s stolen from someone else. 😉 Other than that, you’re right on. Happy, er, Tweeterday?
July 3, 2013 — 9:29 AM
William Barnewitz says:
Sensei,
You were going brilliantly right up to the 100,000 mark. Fortunately for you, your doctor will be able to pinpoint your stroke at around 100,002 by the CAPS LOCK word fandango.
July 3, 2013 — 10:29 AM
Casz Brewster says:
Did I miss #9? Oh, wait, it’s here on Web page, but not my email reader. hehe. I think you must post something about cybernetic mojo….#9 is what I needed all around.
July 3, 2013 — 11:25 AM
Gary says:
I have always wanted Robert Preston offer to sign up into the Star League.
Might still happen…….
July 3, 2013 — 12:37 PM
A.A. says:
This single post exemplifies why you’re one of my favorite writers. It pretty much sums up this entire blog XD
July 3, 2013 — 5:58 PM
decayingorbits says:
#10. That is the whole fucking point.
July 4, 2013 — 12:20 AM