TRILOGY IS A POWERFUL WORD

Fifteen years ago, when I started writing the short story that eventually evolved into Awakened, I never imagined it would become the sprawling international trilogy that it is now. The first book was a New York-centric thriller, inspired by the action movies and novels that affected me as a kid growing up in Staten Island. But planning and nailing an entire trilogy is a whole lot more difficult.

The sequel The Brink took the story overseas, and by the time we get to Obliteration, we’re following characters in every corner of the globe. To nail down each twist and turn of the plot while staying true to the emotional arcs and backbone of the story, the plan had to be in place long before words hit the page. Mapping out the course of this massive story was one of the most challenging yet most rewarding tasks of my time as an author.

A CO-AUTHOR IS A BLESSING

On a similar note, no book happens alone. This is especially true in the case of the Awakened trilogy.

When my publisher proposed the great idea of pairing me with a co-author, I somehow stumbled upon the devilishly handsome and very British Darren Wearmouth. Our partnership has evolved into a lifelong friendship of collaboration. I can’t express enough gratitude for his steadfast creativity and persistence to make this trilogy as great as we both knew it could be.

I highly recommend finding your Darren. When you’re stuck on a word or a turn of phrase, chances are, your co-author knows the exact right answer.

KILL YOUR FRIENDS (IN THE BOOK)

What’s the point of writing a thriller series about a race of monstrous creatures threatening humanity without killing off a few of your friends?

Over the course of the trilogy, I’ve fictionally murdered a lot of characters inspired by people in my life. And I can tell you honestly: nothing is more satisfying that describing a friend’s brutal death for thousands of people to read.

Is a creature tearing apart an old buddy from high school an honored tribute? Or is it because I’m secretly holding a grudge against them? They’ll never know. Either way, it’s a nice little surprise for them when they get around to reading the book (if those jerks ever do.)

EASTER EGGS BRIGHTEN EVERYONE’S DAY

As every writer knows, some days go smoother than others. Sometimes, you need an extra bit of spice to keep the words from blending together on the computer screen in front of you. For me, easter eggs have been that special seasoning.

Darren and I are lucky enough to have the support of a lot of fans of Impractical Jokers, so anytime we can give them a nod, we try to. In all three books, there are fun little references to fan-favorite episodes and inside jokes that keep the series hyper personal to me. And each time I read them back, they make me smile.

THE ENDING HAS TO BE RIGHT

At the end of the day, when you strip away all of the bloodshed, the atomic bombs, and the decades-long conspiracies, you’re left with the characters. And ideally, those characters are the reason you started writing in the first place. We’ve all probably read a fantastic book where the ending leaves us unsatisfied. To put in all the work of the previous two books and to have Cafferty’s story fall flat was a fate we weren’t willing to accept. Apart from tying together every loose end plot-wise, the emotional side of the ex-Mayor’s story needed to feel full and complete. I probably stared at those last chapters longer than I stared at the deed to my own house. The ending of a trilogy has to be right. It’s true of every story ever told and a lesson that every writer should have buried deep down inside.

***

JAMES S. MURRAY is a writer, executive producer, and actor, best known as “Murr” on the hit television show Impractical Jokers along with his comedy troupe, The Tenderloins. He has worked as the Senior Vice President of Development for NorthSouth Productions for over a decade and is the owner of Impractical Productions, LLC. He recently starred in Impractical Jokers: The Movie, and also appears alongside the rest of The Tenderloins, and Jameela Jamil, in the television series The Misery Index on TBS.

James S. Murray: Twitter | Instagram

Obliteration: Harper Collins

My Twitter account remains locked due to GG-style harassment of me (death threats, doxxing, harassing my followers and repliers) tied to the Internet Archive situation, but those who don’t follow me wouldn’t have seen my recent statements, so I thought it best to put something here, too.

Recently it has come to light that a handful of authors inside science-fiction and fantasy publishing have engaged in various acts of harassment and abuse against women. These authors are authors with which I am friendly, particularly online — Paul Krueger, Myke Cole, Sam Sykes — and I am deeply sorry if that friendliness or if me boosting their work and amplifying their voices has in any way given them cover for their actions or given them unearned trust. I never saw the harassment or abuse in play, but my ignorance of it is not an excuse, and I should be better about actively attempting to make spaces like conventions and conferences safe. Some of the women who were harassed or abused are friends or acquaintances, as well, and that makes me heartsick to realize that I didn’t know or see what they were going through. It’s not enough to simply go along to get along, but rather, to maintain a vigil and to be ever on the lookout for harassment and attempt to call it in when witnessed.

I’ve cut personal and professional ties with these men and will not be signal boosting them further. I’m listening to victims and believe them. The men have apologized but it’s not on me to accept, deny, or judge those apologies.

*turns around dramatically in chair* OH, HELLO, I didn’t see you there. How’re ya now? Once again I return from the wasteland, emerging from the apocalyptic veldt, with an awkward fusillade of mini-blogs. Less a single boulder catapulted through your castle wall, and more a crate of pebbles dropped unceremoniously upon your head.

First things first, where’s Wendig? I’ve got a series of appearances lined up over the next week or two. I recorded with Slayerfest 98 over the weekend, joining a panel of rad humans to talk about the Season 6 finale of Buffy (“Grave”). Not sure when that lands, but I expect sometime this week. Then, tonight I’m at the Bethlehem Public Library reading from and talking about Wanderers. Tomorrow, I’m at Greenlight Books, talking to Ilze Hugo about apocalyptic fiction (her new novel is The Down Days, also about a pandemic). Finally, next Wednesday I’m chatting with Josh Malerman via the Doylestown Bookshop online. Very excited about all of these, and I hope to see you there.

Why yes, Virginia, Twitter is a Hell Realm. This past weekend was a fucking delight on Twitter, which is to say, apparently I became the poster boy for the publishers suing the Internet Archive due to the IA’s overreach on copyright. I’m guessing it’s because people just don’t like me, because, to reiterate one last time, I had nothing to do with the suit. I didn’t contact my publishers regarding it, I am not named in the suit, I do not control publishers with my mind, and I wasn’t even the only author talking about this thing on Twitter when it happened back in March. I appreciate people think I wield more persuasive power than, say, Neil Gaiman (with 2.8 million followers on Twitter), but I assure you, I do not. Regardless, people have since gone on to doxxing me, threatening me with death, and assorted other standard awfulness. As such, I locked my account and took a weekend off of Twitter and it was very nice, so you can expect that to continue. I’m not deleting the account or anything, but will be considerably more scarce there over the summer. I’d rather devote time and energy to writing this big damn SECRET BOOK I gotta write. I will continue to be here, of course, and you can also find me on The Gram, as it were.

We’ve been watching Letterkenny. That, at the behest of a number of friends (including but not limited to, Delilah Dawson, Kevin Hearne, Rob Schnell), and finally we relented because hey it’s on Hulu, and that’s a Texas-sized 10-4, Big Shooter. It’s a show where I only understand about 80% of what they even say (up from what I’d say was about 50% when we started), but god-dang it’s funny. Ferda!

Other things on the blinky box we have enjoyed? Well, if you’re not watching What We Do In The Shadows, something is wrong with your brain. The movie was amazing and I knew there was no way they could do a TV version that equaled it — and yet, here we are, because it is as good. We’re also watching a lot of cartoons. Craig of the Creek is one of the best toons on TV. Kipo and the Age of Wonderbeasts is back, and is the best.

Okay, I know, but bear with me. Sonic the Hedgehog wasn’t awful. I know. I know. It looked terrible. He had creepy teeth at one point. It was a whole thing. But somehow, it was actually kinda… fun? Is that okay to admit? It’s not gonna win any awards, and at no point was I moved to tears by it, but it was an hour-and-a-half of mirth. And Jim Carrey plays a curiously sinister Robotnik — I expected him to just be silly, camera-mugging Carrey, but the character was genuinely kind of evil? As evil as you can be for a kid’s movie, I guess.

I’m getting bored with Animal Crossing. The samey-samey comfort of it is wonderful, but also started to feel… well, samey-samey. Rec a new game? Also, I’m starting to feel like my life would be improved if I got back into PC gaming? Would it? Am I wrong? Hm.

I went to a park yesterday. It’s pretty out-of-the-way, a bit wild, not a lot of “facilities,” so it’s mostly just… nature. Which is great, because, ennnh, nobody was there? Okay, a couple people, but all at a distance, and we had masks. Took some pictures, listened to the babbling of brooks and what-not. Ooh, I saw a pair of orioles and their nest. Photos forthcoming later! Soon as they’re processed.

ANYWAY HERE IS A PHOTO

LAST TANG STANDING is an #ownvoices comedic epistolary novel set in Singapore that explores love, friendship and family through the lens of a 33-year-old Chinese-Malaysian singleton, Andrea Tang, who is determined to climb the corporate ladder in her prestigious law firm, yet must appear to date towards marriage in order to appease her traditional family, especially her mother, who has no vices and would probably live a very long, very adult-children-focussed life.

***

1. It’s freaking difficult to name a book for publication, and your “gut instincts, which, despite the inordinate amount of alcohol you’ve imbibed throughout your working adult life have never failed you, ever” will usually be horribly, horribly wrong, which suggests that you might be harbouring some intestinal worms that you must kill, immediately, with a deworming tablet or suffer the consequences (warning: consult your physician before taking medical advice from an author). Oh, and a title isn’t final until your publisher decides it is.

It is done. All i’s are dotted, all t’s crossed. You let out a howl of achievement, pleased with the efficiency and brutality with which you have eviscerated your latest coven of Twitter trolls, may their families disown them for crossing swords with you. Then you turn back to your manuscript, still panting, your gaze now soft, pliant, unlike the way you look at your own family IRL. You open your book with a click and bask in its textual glory. Here you are with your precious one, all proud because you’ve spent X amount of time on it, constantly obsessing over every word and detail to the point where you might even have made love while plotting a scene where someone dies, and now the time has come for you to name the yowling thing you’ve just expelled from your mind canal. What should you call it? Your mind races. You already have a name, but your publisher is not keen on it, and now you’re back to the drawing board. My advice? Steer away from going too big, too boring, too specific, too vague, too personal, too esoteric, and you’ll be fine. Easy peasy. And definitely do not infringe on any existing intellectual property or veer into libelous territory. After all, those pesky, money-grubbing lawyers will come crawling out of the woodwork to make your life a living hell if you let them (spoken as a former legal counsel myself—hey, we can’t all be perfect).

Anyhoo, that’s how my book went from ‘My Mother is Watching Me Date: A True Story” to a much more palatable, memorable, and (bonus) legally unproblematic “Last Tang Standing’.

2. Editing is a shared responsibility, and deadlines are real and will haunt you.

Listen: your precious one is not perfect. And it will never be. Perfection, like a politician who keeps all their campaign promises, does not exist. What is more important is Respecting the Deadline instead of polishing what has already been sold—the sooner you get this in to your thick head, the more likely you will perform to your publisher’s satisfaction, and the more likely you will get another book deal.  As a perfectionist, this was a hard lesson for me to learn, and I’m trying to save you and your editor a bunch of passive-aggressive emails where you negotiate for extensions of deadlines to “try a new idea” and your editor has to pretend to entertain your lunatic ramblings before shooting them down. At a certain point, you just got to let go and let your editor take over. And no, you can’t edit your own book—by now, you and the manuscript have forged unholy soul ties. You can no longer see the wood for the trees. Hand the book over to your acquiring editor. You need to let the professionals handle this next step. Trust me. To illustrate: the manuscript that got me my agent, the novel that very important people you’ve never heard of but are String-Pullers of the Highest Order are calling “ground-breaking”, “the funniest thing I have read since the chapter about reproduction in my high-school biology textbook/the latest coronavirus-related hoax” and “should be made into a movie, ASAP, with Michelle Yeoh and Awkwafina and at least one token white supporting actor in it, stat”, is not the same one that’s being published, not even close. The latter is, like, the fifth or seventh iteration, I don’t know.  I went down a couple of dark rabbit holes. Finally my long-suffering, super generous editor told me that I had to stop “tweaking” it, i.e. straight up revising plot points, and hand it over. Now. Or Else. And that my friend, is when you have to relinquish the reins. Or their lawyers will come after you, #becausecontract. And even then, there will still be mistakes, from time to time. May you never find any of them *vampire hiss*.

And another more specific reason why you should listen to your editor: they know how to avoid the lawyers. While going through the first round of edits, your editor might tell you that, haha, some parts of your manuscript need to be edited to avoid it being a potential liability. For instance, the restaurant where your characters got food poisoning from bad oysters ideally should not be an actual, operating restaurant with the same name and address as the “fictional” one. You might also want to avoid a situation where your “fictional” ass-licking, backstabbing, yoghurt-and-boyfriend-pilfering co-worker somehow shares the same name and general physical description with your living, breathing ex-colleague— you might be asked to maybe, I don’t know, be a little more creative with the embellishment, make sure each character is really a composite character bearing only 100% coincidental resemblance to any person, especially the living.

My point is: Your Editor Is (Almost) Always Right. Obey them.

3. Don’t fight over the cover.

So you think the cover of your historical romance should have a bare-chested he-man astride a glittering unicorn, and you don’t mean ironically. So you think the cover of your supernatural thriller should be a face projectile vomiting into a pit filled with writhing succubi. So you think the cover of your dystopian novella should feature an army of women with buttons for eyes. Don’t hold fast to your dream cover, because chances are it sucks, or at very least, will get you zero sales from your target audience. But my artistic vision!, you whine, oblivious to the fact that your cover has about as much appeal as free childhood vaccines for anti-vaxxers. You are a writer, not an artist (unless you are one of those annoying multi-talented people). Or a marketer. Don’t try to dictate your own cover (sure, you can protest, a little, or give guidelines on what you prefer, but not too many, you don’t want to drown your publisher in details). I may have wanted a woman doing her impression of Edvard Munch’s The Scream, piles of documents burning in the background, for the cover of my comedic novel set in Singapore. Obviously, for so many valid reasons, I was outvoted.

4. Your family/friends will want to know if they’re in it, the energy vampires that they are—well, some.

You must say no. At least on the group chat(s). Then you must pull them aside, one by one, and feed them sweet, sweet lies about which character’s redeeming qualities were inspired by their [insert positive characteristic trait that may be completely made up]. Or make up some bland, pleasant character with interesting, unoffensive physical and character traits that you can pretend is based on whoever feels left out on any given day.  Feel free to liberally massage your family members’ and friends’ egos—after all, aside from being rich source of materials, they would also be your first customers, willingly or through great coercion. And that’s how you preserve the unity of the clans. Because when all else fails, your family and friends will still be there. Hopefully. Except the ones you named the office gossip and the dirty, racist politician after—”as a joke”.

5. You must start mentally preparing yourself for feedback.

People will like your book, and they will tell you. Sometimes they will tell you with highly suggestive GIFs, or straight-up gifts. Or words. You must train yourself to have some self-restraint. I myself am easily susceptible to flattery.  The other day someone slid into my DMs and said they really enjoyed reading my advance reader copy, that it made them laugh so hard they choked, and I immediately, despite being in a happy, committed relationship, had to prevent myself from replying that if they wanted to, I would drive to their house right there and then with my book doused in sensual, sensual essential oils, tie them up and jam the spine hard into their open mouth while they gagged, but safely.  Of course, it had nothing to do with the fact they looked like their parents had made very astute breeding choices, resulting in pleasing physical symmetry and skin that could bounce light back into space. But yes. As I was saying, I am susceptible to flattery.

People will also tell you things they don’t like about your book. To these people you must smile and do nothing, unless they threaten your safety and the authorities must be despatched. Do not engage in verbal warfare, online or offline. Do not become a Twitter troll or IG stalker. Do not enrich another lawyer. Stop it. You are better than them—you are a published author.

***

Lauren is a reformed legal counsel who writes funny, moving stories. Hailing from Malaysia, she lived in the United Kingdom, France and Luxembourg before moving with her family to Singapore, where she is ostensibly working on her next novel. LAST TANG STANDING is not based on her mother. At all. Seriously.

Lauren Ho: Twitter | Website

Last Tang Standing: Bookshop | Indiebound | Amazon | B&N