Chuck Wendig: Terribleminds

Apple-Obsessed Author Fella

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Stuff And Things And Things And Stuff

Obligatory THE LIFE OF THE WENDIGO post incoming.

Alert your state government. Hide your sisters.

The Penmonkey’s Revenge

You may have noticed that —

Drum roll please.

REVENGE OF THE PENMONKEY is now on sale. For $2.99, you get a boatload of writing advice and penmonkey satire. In addition, you get a 10k “memoir” by yours truly about the life of a writer and the lessons learned, and you also get a brand spanking new Writer’s Prayer (“Time to load the guns, brew the ink, and go to work. Because I am a writer, and I am done fucking around.”) Further, if you procure this week, I’ll toss you a free copy of 250 THINGS YOU SHOULD KNOW ABOUT WRITING. These e-books are how I finance the existence of terribleminds, so in advance I thank you for procuring a copy and spreading the word. Your procurement options are as follows:

Kindle (US): Buy Here

Kindle (UK): Buy Here

Nook: Buy Here

Or, buy the PDF ($2.99) by clicking the BUY NOW button:


Speaking Of Penmonkeys

Jay-zeus, that was fast.

COAFPM is now up to 307 sales sold since I started the Incitement Program.

That means it’s time to give away another t-shirt and postcard.

I will pick both tomorrow morning in the comment section of this post.

Look for it!

Holy Shit, New Double Dead Cover

You click that cover, you’ll be taken to the artist’s site — the cover is by the inimitable PYE PARR. From there you can make with the clicky-clicky to see a larger version and a version without the text.

In other words: fucking awesome.

That cover makes me want to jump out of my chair and run around town draining ladies left and right with my pointy teeth. All I have to say is, this November, Coburn is coming.

Pre-order, if you’re so inclined.

The Little Human Now Laughs

On Sunday night, my three-month-old son laughed for the first time.

I mean, he’s laughed before, but it’s kind of been this gasping squeak. But last night was a bonafide giggle, all because his mother was bouncing him around on her knee. HOLY SHIT did he love it. I’ve got video of it I’ll have to cut up and post at some point — he was in some state of unbridled baby bliss. And now I know the truth: his laughter is like heroin, and here we are, ever-chasing that high. Probably from today until we perish. We will always be chasing that dragon, and all the laughs hence will not be as delightful as that first, most primal, laugh. The cross that parents must bear is becoming all the clearer.

It was so adorable, though, my teeth rotted out of my head and my body stopped producing insulin.

Foodboy

Been a while since I did a proper food post, yeah? I’ll have to get back on that. Anybody got any recipes to share? I could use to play with new recipes, so whatever you’ve got, toss at me.

I’ll tell you one thing that gets me by some lunches:

Flour tortillas.

Take one of those and it’s suddenly like you’re motherfucking Lunchtime Picasso. You can try anything in those things. I just grab all kinds of crap from my fridge and chuck it in there. Boom. Lunchalicious.

Here’s two things I’m fond of:

First, take an avocado. Slice it up. Layer a bit of cottage cheese over a flour tortilla. Lay the avocado on top. Salt the avocado. Spritz it with a quarter-lime. Dash of hot sauce. Grate cheese if you have any, and if you have turkey, you can laythat on there, too. Roll up. Shove into face until you are moaning in delight.

Second, chop up any fresh veggies you got laying around. My most recent concoction was summer squash, green beans, bell pepper, and onion. Saute in olive oil — get the onion and bell pepper soft, first. Then the rest of your veggies go into the ring. Salt, pepper, any herbs you have — I totally recommend fresh basil in there. Though, add the basil late, or it can lose some of its phatty garden-fresh flava. (Phresh? Phlava? I dunno. Shut up.) Then take that and shove it into a flour tortilla, and cram that into your food-hole. Bonus points: add in some Gochujang sauce in there.

Have you had this stuff? I am a Sriracha fan, but I think I like this more. Korean. Fermented soy. Has a stronger flavor beyond just heat — though it has that crucial zing, too. Great on, well, anything. Anything. A hot dog? A hamburger? A taco? A stir-fry? My creamy inner thighs? All of the above.

Anyway. There you go.

Googolplus

G+ continues to be a curious experiment. On the one hand, it’s fairly slow — a tepid flow of “social media updates.” Sometimes the feeds from my circles feels downright inert. Stagnant water sitting.

But I’m starting to see that as a feature, not a bug. Because when someone does drop something into the ecosystem, it generates a lot of activity and discussion. Like, in a forum, you wouldn’t want endless topics being added so fast you can’t keep up with them, right? You’d want a measured pace with lots of activity in the forums, not outside.

This is that, I think. And it continues to confirm for me just what Goo-Plus is good at:

Conversation and discussion.

It’s not all there, yet. This pie is only half-baked. Even still, you get the sense that the LORDS OF GOOGLE might have more in store. Only time will tell. What’s everybody else think?

The Sub-Genre Tango

Flash fiction! With a prize! Of an edit! Of up to 3000 words!

I’m ready to declare a winner: Josh Loomis. If only because of his use of the phrase “taco-hole.”

Josh, contact me. Getchoo set up with an edit from yours truly, sir.

Upcoming Projects

I think you know about most of what I got cooking.

Did you hear that I’m writing a novel based on the SPIRIT OF THE CENTURY RPG under the vigilant gaze of Evil Hat’s Fred Hicks? It’s true! I’m very excited about this. Pulp-tastic heroic awesomeness.

Amy Houser is also working on a cover for my first Atlanta Burns novella, SHOTGUN GRAVY. Soon as she’s done with that the e-book will go live. I’ve got all four novellas outlined.

Got the first draft of my YA-ish corn-punk novel POPCORN back from the agent. Going through it now, picking nits, combing knots, hacking off limbs left and right. Fingers crossed.

I’ve got other irons in the fire, see if some of them won’t get hotty-burny-melty soon enough.

How about you people? Whatchoo got going on? How’s your writing going? Share and share alike.

 

Revenge Of The Penmonkey: Now Available

Borne on the back of a galloping hell-pony, carried in the satchel of a certified inkslinger, I give you:

REVENGE OF THE PENMONKEY.

A mere $2.99.

Your procurement options are as follows:

Kindle (US): Buy Here

Kindle (UK): Buy Here

Nook: Buy Here

Or, buy the PDF ($2.99) by clicking the BUY NOW button:


Be advised: I sell the PDF through Paypal. I’ll send you the e-book directly via email after you purchase: generally speaking, you will receive the file within an hour of purchase. But sometimes Paypal mysteriously delays alerting me, or something I’m asleep (like, say, if you order the book at midnight EST).

Just to be safe, I’ll say that you will receive the file within 12 hours of ordering.

Though again, that’s an extreme case.

Now that we’ve gotten that out of the way…

What’s In The Book?

REVENGE OF THE PENMONKEY is another collection of essays and articles ripped from the, erm, “pages” of this blog right here. It features 30 such essays, including but not limited to:

“Beware Of Writer II”

“How To Tell If You’re A Writer”

“How To Jumpstart A Stalled Novel”

“Panster Versus Plotter”

“Six Signs You’re Not Ready To Be A Professional Writer”

“Why Writers Drink”

“Word-Karate: On Writing Action Scenes”

“Writers Should Be Motherfucking Rock Stars”

“Your Self-Published Book May Suck A Bag of Dicks”

The book tackles self-publishing, freelance writing, story architecture, action scenes, and overall casts an unblinking eye at the insane-yet-delightful existence of the Average Everyday Penmonkey.

Original Content!

The book features 70,000 words of delicious fatty mind-meat material, but some of that material is brand spankin’ new. The book features a new 10,000 word “introduction” (True Confessions Of A Freelance Penmonkey”) which talks about my life and the lessons I’ve learned about writing along the way. It features stories of crashed vans, strap-on dildos, shit-shooting, college sex, Yukon Jack, and gunshot wounds.

Some essays also receive postscript commentary where appropriate. Talking about general fan response or adding clarification. Noodling my own Devil’s advocacy. And so forth.

The book also has another 20+ Questions appendix in which I answer questions put forth by You Crazy Humans Of The Internet. I answer questions about project management, writing goals, fatherhood, Disney princesses, and ketchup. This is riveting shit. It will blow your mind out the back of your head so hard, it shall kill whoever is standing behind you. So don’t read it in a bank line.

Finally, the book also gets a brand new writer’s prayer: The Inkslinger’s Invocation.

Promotion!

First week promotion:

If you buy REVENGE OF THE PENMONKEY between now and the close of Tuesday, September 13th, I will toss you a free PDF copy of 250 THINGS YOU SHOULD KNOW ABOUT WRITING.

If you procure ROTPM via PDF through me, I will send you 250 THINGS automatically.

If you procure ROTPM via Amazon or B&N, you will need to email me proof of your purchase to: terribleminds at gmail dot com. I will then send you 250 THINGS.

Still not convinced to buy?

This Is How I Finance Terribleminds

Over the last year, maintaining this website has become a little more cost intensive: quite seriously and without trying to brag (though, I gotta brag a little), the visits to this blog have gone through the roof over the last six months. That means I’ve had to push this site to one of the more expensive hosting plans just to keep it from springing leaks and to keep my host from quietly drowning terribleminds in a toilet.

Further, my time has become even more premium with the birth of Der Wendigspawn, “B-Dub The Magnificent, Diminutive Dictator And Emperor Of Pennsyltucky.” As such, it gets harder and harder to provide robust content here as often as I do — so, again, having that financial core to the site via my writing-related e-books helps keep the whole boat afloat.

I’m not saying you should feel obliged or guilty anything. I’m just saying, if you don’t buy it, it’s going to be another tear-stained pillow night. And my son will suffer from scurvy because I cannot afford orange juice.

“I Want To Commit Further Sins In Your Name”

You wanna do more? Spread the word, for one. Even if you’re not procuring the book, then putting it on the radar of someone who might is a good thing and to that I’d say, thank you.

Also: leave reviews. Amazon, B&N, Goodreads. If you love the book, tell the world. If you hate the book, tell your houseplants and quietly swallow your burgeoning rage until a thrombosis forms in your veins.

For any and all of your help, I say: thank you.

“I Want Even More Free Shit, Wendig”

And so, I give you three wallpapers. Let me know if you can download them okay. You should be able to just click the image and download the size you so desire (up to 1600 x 1200).

(The Penmonkey sigil by Amy Houser. Cover and wallpaper design by yours truly.)

WRITE BIG AND WRITE BOLD

DONE FUCKING AROUND

F.U.


Flash Fiction Challenge: 100 Words On The Subject Of Revenge

Plucked From The Pages Of History” is the prior week’s challenge, and I ask — nay, demand! — you go check it out. Right now. No, no, I’ll wait.

Revenge. Powerful topic, innit? To strike back. To give what they got comin’.

To pay a debt that burns deep in the heart like a smoldering coal.

So, that’s what I want you to write about.

Revenge.

Here’s the trick, though — it is such a potent subject, and yet I want you to increase its potency by compressing the story’s density like the aforementioned coal until a sharp and deadly diamond is formed.

You do not have 1000 words.

You only have 100.

And again, we’re talking a complete story in 100 words, not a poetic exercise, not a vignette captured in time, not the beginning of a story or just its ending. The whole kaboodle. An entire tale.

Doesn’t matter what genre. Crime is an easy one, but don’t feel married to that. Fantasy? Sci-fi? Erotica? Whatever you want, throw it at the wall, see what sticks.

From that bunch I’ll pick a favorite and that winner will get a copy of my newest writing-related e-book in PDF format. REVENGE OF THE PENMONKEY. Chock full of inkslinging goodness.

I still prefer you post the 100 words at your own site, but if you don’t have one, you can deposit the tale in the comments below. Make sure to link to your story if posted elsewhere.

You’ve got the usual week. September 9th, by noon EST.

Now, get to sinning. It’s time to enact your vengeance.

EDIT:

AHEM.

I have chosen.

Not one, but five favorites. As always,a hard choice, but that’s life in the big city.

The five (all of whom need to contact me to procure a free copy of ROTPM):

Bob Bois

Samantha Mathis

Jess Hartley

CY Reid

Amber (she of “Raising The Stakes”)

Hit me at terribleminds [at] gmail [dot] com or use the Contact form above.

Thanks, peeps!

Will Entrekin: The Terribleminds Interview

This has been a week focusing on self-publishing talk, and so it seems only fitting that today’s interview is with an author whose work is out there in the DIY self-published space. Do I always agree with Will? No. Do I always find him respectful? Indeed. He’s a smart guy with lots to say on the subject, so I’ll let him get right to it. Oh! His website is here — willentrekin.com — and follow him on Twitter @willentrekin.

This is a blog about writing and storytelling so before we do anything else, I’d like you to tell me – and, of course, the fine miscreants and deviants that read this site – a story. As short or long as you care to make it, as true or false as you see it.

Neat prompt. How about two really short ones?

Once upon a time seeks happily ever after.

Reality creates time in motion.

How would you describe your writing or storytelling style?

Two “ex” words: exciting and explosions. I always want to tell stories that have both surprise and inevitability, and I like to do so in compelling, page-turning ways, but I like to explore all the elements that might make readers turn a page (or press a button, I suppose, with e-readers). My shorter work and my first novel have been more experimental and character-driven, but even in that way, I like to try to blow shit up. I often say that I aimed to blow up love, storytelling, and the novel itself in Meets Girl; with The Prodigal Hour, I wanted to blow up the universe, reality, and time.

What’s awesome about being a writer or storyteller?

Being able to blow up the universe, reality, and time? Seriously, though, the best part about storytelling, for me, is the stories. They say necessity is the mother of invention, and it’s the mother of storytelling for me; I tell the stories I need to read because nobody else has written them yet.

Conversely, what sucks about it?

The current publishing model and the business that grew around it for no other reason than a desire to maintain a status quo, and an inability to innovate. Thankfully, though, it’s in the process of changing. I think it’s going to be a hard transition because it’s been so slow to come and has been slow in adoption, but I think the more quickly people embrace the possibility for change, the better.

Deliver unto us a single-serving dollop of writing or storytelling advice (without which you would perish atop a glacier):

“Do or do not. There is no try.” What can I say? Yoda taught me screenwriting.

Your foot is pretty seriously forward in the self-publishing camp. What made you go that way? Did you ever try the “traditional” route, and would you ever try it again?

It’s grown out of a deeper understanding of market, and how to reach it. My first experience in publishing was at USC, which designated its master’s degree as professional writing; pretty much every class I took required us to not only workshop but also submit our work (and the ones that didn’t focused on either business or the literary marketplace. It’s a rare writing program that focuses as much on craft as on business). While at USC, I workshopped several short stories (I’ve always been more a novelist than anything else), but when it came down to submitting . . . well, I thought there were better ways I could invest my time than by submitting to short story markets, which seemed to be either little literary magazines that paid in complimentary copies and “publication credits.” But I still had a decent amount of short stories and essays I liked a lot, and I had experience in editing and lay-out, and Lulu had just started up not long before, and I thought, well, what the shit?

Since March 2007, that self-titled collection has done more than I imagined. That June, it became the first ebook on the iPhone. Last I knew, nearly 10,000 people had downloaded it (and I only don’t know now because Lulu quit recording anything free, which is annoying, and which is why I’ve largely moved away from doing business through them), and that was, I think, two years ago? Something like that.

For a long time, I thought that the twentieth-century model for distribution was useful. (Corporate/legacy publishing–whatever you want to call it–is not traditional. Poe, Twain, Thoreau, and myriad others published their own work long before publishers grouped together to sell specifically to bookstores and refuse unagented manuscripts.) You have to know what your product is and how the market finds that product, and the twentieth-century model seemed to make sense. And yes, while I was at USC, I did go out on submission with The Prodigal Hour. I generally had a pretty good response rate, and several requests for partials and fulls. Ultimately, most of the agents noted that I’m a good writer and it’s a great idea but time travel is a difficult sell. Later, I sent Meets Girl to a couple of the agents who had seen partials of The Prodigal Hour and noted they wouldn’t mind seeing more work down the line, but response there was similar (this time, meta is a difficult sell).

And then I bought a Kindle. Until the third generation, they were awkward, ugly gadgets with terrible buttons and strange designs, and then, this third time around, it was like Bezos finally fired his pre-school engineers and brought in the big boys. For me, the Kindle is truly the only viable e-ink reader on the market; the iPad and nook color both have LCD screens, which disqualifies them from long-form reading, at least for me. Don’t get me wrong: I can totally see using an iPad for just about anything besides reading a novel (and, indeed, intend to both purchase one and design apps–not ebooks–for it). And for a longtime reader, someone who loved books even more than music or movies, I fell for the Kindle the way people fell for the iPod. It’s beautiful, and perfect to hold, and books look great (I don’t mind not having color. None of the novels I read use color interior fonts).

Now, people are going to bookstores less, which are closing–we’re down to two major chains (Books-A-Million and Barnes & Noble) in the US, and the second is focusing on its own digital reader. Which means the whole “You need an agent/publisher! How else do you expect to get on bookshelves?” argument is going rather moot.

By the time I bought the Kindle, I’d already completed “Meets Girl.” And I’d already completed most of my MBA. And I already understood more about business and marketing and strategy plans, and enough to realize that the twentieth century model never actually made sense and carried too much over from Depression-era incentives. Returns? Dumb. Remainders? Dumb.

So I thought, either I could look back at the past and try what everyone else had done and which was floundering and flailing and, ultimately, failing, or I could look at what I had, and what was available, and try to use it as best I could to move forward with it. In an era of recessions, tough economics, environmental troubles, and an explosion of information, publishing my novels directly just seemed to make better sense. My novels are inexpensive ($3) for Kindle (which you can read on almost every reader, save, I think, Sony & Kobo), and the paperbacks look fantastic and print only when people actually want them, so there’s neither overstock nor forests felled. I don’t tend to have blockbuster opening weekends, but I do pretty well over the long term, and I’ve got my eye on the ring, not the bottom-of-the-ninth homer of opening night’s game.

The “traditional” route? Like Poe and Twain? Well, that’s what I’m doing. But you probably mean try to get an agent or talk to bigger publishers than I already am, and there I’d say it would depend on the contract/arrangements. At this point in time, I’m not really interested in contacting agents; I loathe the no-response=pass policy so many have adopted, and I’ve been seeing more of them begin to offer publishing services to authors, which I see as a huge conflict of interest. I could probably benefit from deeper marketing pockets and distribution to Target/Costco/Books-A-Million (I’m already in paperback on Barnes & Noble and Amazon), but I don’t have the exposure of Snooki or the PAC of Sarah Palin, so I’m not sure. I’d also be unsure of giving up digital rights to my work, and I’d expect just about any such arrangement/contract would make that request. I dislike the idea of an advance-against-royalties (I always said that, offered one, I’d give my agent his/her cut and then request the publisher reinvest that cash in marketing, then take more royalties).

Do you have advice for authors who seek to self-publish?

Er. Besides stop calling it that? Beyond the advice without which I would perish atop a glacier? It’s simple: write a book you legitimately think is great, and can stand shoulder-to-shoulder with other books you’ve loved, and share it with everyone you possibly can. But first, FIRST, write that book you believe in. I know it’s hard to manage objectivity. I know everyone loves the thought of being a writer. But seriously, shoot your ego in the head and sit down with your book and read it like you had to find it and buy it, read it like it’s from your favorite author, and ask yourself if you’d be disappointed.

I’m also a firm believer in writing programs. I wouldn’t argue an MFA is necessary, but I know I’m a better writer because I studied at USC.

Finally: get some help. Definitely hire an editor and proofreader and maybe even someone to go over the code. I do all the writing, coding, and formatting, but I wouldn’t publish a thing without my editrix. I like to get my hands dirty in html and cover design, and I’m getting better at it. But the cover for my collection was basic at best. I had reasons for it, and no interest in changing it, but my understanding of design has evolved; I love my covers for Meets Girl and The Prodigal Hour.

What are your thoughts on calling self-publishing “indie” publishing? It’s a contentious term and comes with a bit of baggage.

Now Chuck, you just handed me a can of worms. But that’s okay. I grew up in scouts, and I’ve gone fishing plenty of times. I know what to do with these.

Thoughts? That’s what it is. Independent publishing. There’s no such thing as so-called “self-publishing.” I wrote about it here:

http://willentrekin.com/2010/10/20/theres-no-such-thing-as-self-publishing/

See also my post on Team Indie:

http://willentrekin.com/2011/03/25/team-indie/

First: contentious. I’ve encountered some of the contention you mention. Mainly from people with ties to the twentieth-century model and some legitimate reason (like their careers) they wouldn’t want to see it decline. So far as baggage, I honestly think that the so-called “self-publishing” stigma was baggage propagated by those who had such biases, often in the guise of either “vetting” or “gatekeeping.” The usual argument is that if authors publish their own novels without some third party involved, how will the general public and culture at large know what to read? I’d say Snooki renders that argument invalid, but I know a lot of people who subsequently make the claim that she’s different because she’s a celebrity and . . . the whole debate follows a roughly consistent track.

The thing is: imagine a great wall. Of publishing. Huge and monumental, and with gates along the way, each of which leads to a staircase to the top of the wall, and imagine that a wonderful culture exists on the other side of that wall. Writers want access to that culture, and in recent times, the only way to connect to that culture, and all its readers, was to get through those gates to ascend those stairs. Problem was, agents and editors had the keys to those gates.

Now imagine a huge and monumental force that is eroding that wall as surely as the wind over the Sahara. It’s not fast, but it is surely consistent, and over time that wall is starting to disappear, even if those staircases and gates are remaining intact. Which they are.

After that erosion, writers no longer need to ascend those stairs to get over the wall. They can do so, of course, and sometimes those stairs give them a little more attention from readers, and give them some place of advantage, but they don’t have to do so. Agents and editors won’t give up their keys, and of course they’re desperate to convince writers that the only way to reach readers is to get through those gates and ascend those stairs, but by and large, that wall is getting smaller and lower and easier to traverse. Are those gates and staircases becoming more important, or are agents and editors just becoming more desperate in their attempts to retain hold of those keys and convince writers of their value?

I’m not sure, to be honest, but I’ll tell you what I know: I’m a reader. I’ve shopped in bookstores but largely gave up on them when all the displays went over to Twilight and Snooki and board games and puzzles and it seemed like booksellers wanted less and less to sell stories and more and more to sell . . . well, I don’t know what they sell, to be candid, nor to whom.

I just know what I’ve got. I’ve got some stories I’m damned proud of. And when I look at those stories, I know they don’t belong on a table next to those books. Nothing wrong with being on a table, mind. Just, I know that people who want what’s on that table probably aren’t going to be interested in what I’m doing, and I’m fine with that. I’m content, right now, to continue to publish my novels and stories and essays directly to my readers, but that’s what I’m publishing: novels and stories and essays. Not my “self.” I don’t even know what my “self” is.

I’m pleased to connect with people, to share my stories directly with them. It makes my day when people email me to tell me they liked my work, or when someone tweets the page for The Prodigal Hour and includes an “@” me. Which is also why it’s meant so much to me that you’ve given me interview time and attention on your site. I’m an irregular reader, but I always like what you post. And I think your readers would like my work. So thank you.

Favorite word? And then, the follow up: Favorite curse word?

Cunt. Favorite curse? May you find only closed convenience stores when you need to purchase condoms at 3 am.

Favorite alcoholic beverage? (If cocktail: provide recipe. If you don’t drink alcohol, fine, fine, a non-alcoholic beverage will do.)

Gin. Straight-up, a dirty martini is perfect, especially with, say, Tanqueray or Hendrick’s (I’m a purist; if it doesn’t have gin, it’s not a martini. It’s just a drink in a martini glass, and likely utterly undrinkable). Cocktail: New Amsterdam gin with either Diet Pepsi Max or Wild Cherry Diet Pepsi. Recipe . . . er. Generous?

Recommend a book, comic book, film, game: something with great story. Go!

Book: Richard Kadrey’s Sandman Slim is so good I bought the book’s sequel but haven’t read it yet because the third one isn’t out yet. I like the idea of letting Kadrey stay one book ahead of me, because no matter what happens, there’s another Kadrey book to read.

I sadly haven’t read comic books since Scott Lobdell and Fabien Nicieza and their mid-90s X-Men runs. Although that mid-90s X-Men run, with its time travel and Age of Apocalypse alternate reality, probably influenced The Prodigal Hour in a ton of ways.

I’m going to recommend Kiss, Kiss, Bang, Bang because I think it’s one of the most tragically underrated flicks of the past decade.

So far as games, well, that’s where some of the story experiences are coming from right now. Two games, Uncharted and InFamous, and their sequels come immediately to mind, and I loved Red Dead Redemption (though I admit I enabled some of the cheats. I had a horse. My horse was amazing). My editrix would kill me if I didn’t mention Bioware and its Mass Effect series.

Where are my pants?

Dude, I don’t know what the midget told you, but I had absolutely nothing to do with it.

Got anything to pimp? Now’s the time!

The Prodigal Hour. Friday July 1, 2011. The world’s first pre-/post-9/11 novel. For Kindle, on Smashwords, and in paperback, as well as serialized at http://willentrekin.com.

Also via willentrekin.com, you can find links to my other work, including another novel, Meets Girl, a couple of short stories, an essay, and a collection.

All right, you’re going to have to sell us harder on Prodigal Hour. Pre-/post-9/11? What does that mean? Give the deeper, harder sell. And yes, I realize that sounds pornographic.

It’s a time-travel novel that opens on Halloween 2001, as well as in 1606. But it certainly doesn’t stay on October 31, 2001 (nor in 1606), even if the events that occur before that date technically occur after it.

See? Time travel. Crazy. Also, epic. In the real sense of the world. Not in the sense of fails and wins but in the sense of spanning all of time and space, a single-generational saga about grief and love and loss and acceptance. Part of it takes place on September 10th, 2001. Some of it takes place–well, I don’t want to ruin that surprise. But what it all comes down to is one young man deeply affected by September 11th, who just wants to make the world a better place, and how what begins with his best intentions becomes instead a desperate race against time to prevent forces he doesn’t understand from not just ending the universe but rather rendering completely and eternally nonexistent in the first place.

Also, did I mention it’s inexpensive? One of the benefits of being independent is that my only middle-man is Amazon. Which means I can price stories and essays at a buck and novels at three bucks, right here:

http://www.amazon.com/Will-Entrekin/e/B004JPDYBY

Seriously, three dollars for 90,000-word novels written under the guidance of gurus like Irvin Kershner and Janet Fitch? How could you possibly go wrong?

Because The Prodigal Hour is not the only thing up, after all. There’s also the aforementioned Meets Girl, which is a contemporary update of Faust with a meta-fictional twist, full of love and romance and writing and Manhattan like Adaptation met The Dreamers and collaborated on a new Annie Hall. Plus short stories about fatherhood and the Blues.

What’s next for you?

Heh. Yeah, your reputation rests on the last thing you publish while your career rests on the next thing, right? My next things are myriad. I’ve got some plans for a couple of novellas and several more short stories, as well as some poetry, this year.

Neat prompt. How about two really short ones?

Once upon a time seeks happily ever after.

Reality creates time in motion.

How would you describe your writing or storytelling style?

Two “ex” words: exciting and explosions. I always want to tell stories that have both surprise and inevitability, and I like to do so in compelling, page-turning ways, but I like to explore all the elements that might make readers turn a page (or press a button, I suppose, with e-readers). My shorter work and my first novel have been more experimental and character-driven, but even in that way, I like to try to blow shit up. I often say that I aimed to blow up love, storytelling, and the novel itself in Meets Girl; with The Prodigal Hour, I wanted to blow up the universe, reality, and time.

What’s awesome about being a writer or storyteller?

Being able to blow up the universe, reality, and time? Seriously, though, the best part about storytelling, for me, is the stories. They say necessity is the mother of invention, and it’s the mother of storytelling for me; I tell the stories I need to read because nobody else has written them yet.

Conversely, what sucks about it?

The current publishing model and the business that grew around it for no other reason than a desire to maintain a status quo, and an inability to innovate. Thankfully, though, it’s in the process of changing. I think it’s going to be a hard transition because it’s been so slow to come and has been slow in adoption, but I think the more quickly people embrace the possibility for change, the better.

Deliver unto us a single-serving dollop of writing or storytelling advice that you yourself follow as a critical tip without which you might starve and die atop a glacier somewhere:

“Do or do not. There is no try.” What can I say? Yoda taught me screenwriting.

Favorite word? And then, the follow up: Favorite curse word?

Cunt. Favorite curse? May you find only closed convenience stores when you need to purchase condoms at 3 am.

Favorite alcoholic beverage? (If cocktail: provide recipe. If you don’t drink alcohol, fine, fine, a non-alcoholic beverage will do.)

Gin. Straight-up, a dirty martini is perfect, especially with, say, Tanqueray or Hendrick’s (I’m a purist; if it doesn’t have gin, it’s not a martini. It’s just a drink in a martini glass, and likely utterly undrinkable). Cocktail: New Amsterdam gin with either Diet Pepsi Max or Wild Cherry Diet Pepsi. Recipe . . . er. Generous?

Recommend a book, comic book, film, game: something with great story. Go!

Book: Richard Kadrey’s Sandman Slim is so good I bought the book’s sequel but haven’t read it yet because the third one isn’t out yet. I like the idea of letting Kadrey stay one book ahead of me, because no matter what happens, there’s another Kadrey book to read.

I sadly haven’t read comic books since Scott Lobdell and Fabien Nicieza and their mid-90s X-Men runs. Although that mid-90s X-Men run, with its time travel and Age of Apocalypse alternate reality, probably influenced The Prodigal Hour in a ton of ways.

I’m going to recommend Kiss, Kiss, Bang, Bang because I think it’s one of the most tragically underrated flicks of the past decade.

So far as games, well, that’s where some of the story experiences are coming from right now. Two games, Uncharted and InFamous, and their sequels come immediately to mind, and I loved Red Dead Redemption (though I admit I enabled some of the cheats. I had a horse. My horse was amazing). My editrix would kill me if I didn’t mention Bioware and its Mass Effect series.

Where are my pants?

Dude, I don’t know what the midget told you, but I had absolutely nothing to do with it.

Got anything to pimp? Now’s the time!

The Prodigal Hour. Friday July 1, 2011. The world’s first pre-/post-9/11 novel. For Kindle, on Smashwords, and in paperback, as well as serialized at http://willentrekin.com

Also via willentrekin.com, you can find links to my other work, including another novel, Meets Girl, a couple of short stories, an essay, and a collection.

This is a blog about writing and storytelling above all else so before we do anything else, I’d like you to tell me – and, of course, the fine miscreants and deviants that read this site – a story. As short or long as you care to make it, as true or false as you see it.

Neat prompt. How about two really short ones?

 

Once upon a time seeks happily ever after.

 

Reality creates time in motion.

 

How would you describe your writing or storytelling style?

Two “ex” words: exciting and explosions. I always want to tell stories that have both surprise and inevitability, and I like to do so in compelling, page-turning ways, but I like to explore all the elements that might make readers turn a page (or press a button, I suppose, with e-readers). My shorter work and my first novel have been more experimental and character-driven, but even in that way, I like to try to blow shit up. I often say that I aimed to blow up love, storytelling, and the novel itself in Meets Girl; with The Prodigal Hour, I wanted to blow up the universe, reality, and time.

 

What’s awesome about being a writer or storyteller?

Being able to blow up the universe, reality, and time? Seriously, though, the best part about storytelling, for me, is the stories. They say necessity is the mother of invention, and it’s the mother of storytelling for me; I tell the stories I need to read because nobody else has written them yet.

 

Conversely, what sucks about it?

The current publishing model and the business that grew around it for no other reason than a desire to maintain a status quo, and an inability to innovate. Thankfully, though, it’s in the process of changing. I think it’s going to be a hard transition because it’s been so slow to come and has been slow in adoption, but I think the more quickly people embrace the possibility for change, the better.

 

Deliver unto us a single-serving dollop of writing or storytelling advice that you yourself follow as a critical tip without which you might starve and die atop a glacier somewhere:

“Do or do not. There is no try.” What can I say? Yoda taught me screenwriting.

 

Favorite word? And then, the follow up: Favorite curse word?

Cunt. Favorite curse? May you find only closed convenience stores when you need to purchase condoms at 3 am.

 

Favorite alcoholic beverage? (If cocktail: provide recipe. If you don’t drink alcohol, fine, fine, a non-alcoholic beverage will do.)

 

Gin. Straight-up, a dirty martini is perfect, especially with, say, Tanqueray or Hendrick’s (I’m a purist; if it doesn’t have gin, it’s not a martini. It’s just a drink in a martini glass, and likely utterly undrinkable). Cocktail: New Amsterdam gin with either Diet Pepsi Max or Wild Cherry Diet Pepsi. Recipe . . . er. Generous?

 

Recommend a book, comic book, film, game: something with great story. Go!

Book: Richard Kadrey’s Sandman Slim is so good I bought the book’s sequel but haven’t read it yet because the third one isn’t out yet. I like the idea of letting Kadrey stay one book ahead of me, because no matter what happens, there’s another Kadrey book to read.

I sadly haven’t read comic books since Scott Lobdell and Fabien Nicieza and their mid-90s X-Men runs. Although that mid-90s X-Men run, with its time travel and Age of Apocalypse alternate reality, probably influenced The Prodigal Hour in a ton of ways.

I’m going to recommend Kiss, Kiss, Bang, Bang because I think it’s one of the most tragically underrated flicks of the past decade.

So far as games, well, that’s where some of the story experiences are coming from right now. Two games, Uncharted and InFamous, and their sequels come immediately to mind, and I loved Red Dead Redemption (though I admit I enabled some of the cheats. I had a horse. My horse was amazing). My editrix would kill me if I didn’t mention Bioware and its Mass Effect series.

 

Where are my pants?

Dude, I don’t know what the midget told you, but I had absolutely nothing to do with it.

 

Got anything to pimp? Now’s the time!

The Prodigal Hour. Friday July 1, 2011. The world’s first pre-/post-9/11 novel. For Kindle, on Smashwords, and in paperback, as well as serialized at http://willentrekin.com

 

Also via willentrekin.com, you can find links to my other work, including another novel, Meets Girl, a couple of short stories, an essay, and a collection.

 

 

Making Sense Of Ninety-Nine Cents

Feel free to check out yesterday’s related post — 25 Things You Should Know About Self-Publishing.

Some writers can’t hack talking about price point. They void their bowels and a throbbing vein atop their forehead ruptures and spurts a jet-line of blood before they fall down to the ground, writhing as if covered with biting lizards. I get it, I do. Writers want to write; writers don’t want to think about price point.

That said, self-publishers are tasked with different work than writers, for they are — well, c’mon, do I need to say it? Shit, it’s right there in the name. Self-publishers. Thus we need to discuss it.

You may be saying, Ah, here then is another screed against the implementation of the $0.99 price point for novels, and you’re either ready to high-five me or break a vodka bottle over my head.

This will not be that post.

It can’t be. I have a book out right now for ninety-nine cents (“250 Things You Should Know About Writing“). My hypocrisy would no know bounds if I sat here, charged that price for one of my books, but then cast a handful of sand into your eyes for doing the very same thing.

No, this post is about how to use the $0.99 price point to your advantage. If you’re someone who’s business savvy, then this lesson will be a lesson you learned in like, kindergarten. I’m not saying anything revolutionary here. But, if you’re just a regular ol’ writer like me, you very possibly have the business sense of a Styrofoam cup filled with dead ants. Thus, hopefully you’ll get some value out of this.

If not, feel free to break a vodka bottle over my head. For giggles.

Caveats, Cuidado, Warning, Disclaimer, Etc.

This is all straight-up opinion. Evidence is mostly anedcotal. Be advised to not take my words as gospel but rather, to take them as a little savory info-nugget on which you may chew. Nom, nom, nom.

Spit or swallow. Your call.

Do: Conceive Of A Strategy

Going into the pricing of your e-book, have a strategy. Any strategy. Let ninety-nine cents be part of your strategy. I’ve seen a lot of folks start to shake out their own “pricing trees,” and mine fall roughly in line with that — something under 20,000 words might go for a buck, a collection or novella might go for $2.99, a novel might go for $4.99, etc. Ponder this going in.

How can you use the $0.99 price point to your advantage? Where could it fail you?

Do Not: Just Price Everything At A Dollar

The only place you should find everything for a dollar is, in fact, a Dollar Store. And even there, you’ll find shit for two dollars or five dollars at a dollar store. I consider this to be an epic deception, which is why whenever I encounter this I drive my car through the front of the establishment, then open my trunk and loose upon them a squadron of starving squirrels. Just to punish their callous lying-faced lies.

The other thing about dollar stores is, it’s not name-brand stuff. You don’t get a box of Froot Loops there. You get a box of, like, Frut Hoops. Or Fruit Schmoops. Or some other generic rip-off featuring cereal made in a Chinese sweat-shop by cigarette-addicted eight-year-olds. Point being, you don’t go to the dollar store to procure quality. You go there because you’re hungry for cheap-ass value.

Now, that being said, if you’re at the grocery store and you see a product you like on sale for a dollar — boom. That’s a deal. You snatch that up because you just got quality at a cut price.

That’s a psychology you can and should mine in terms of pricing e-books at $0.99. If you price everything you have at a buck, then you’re the equivalent of a dollar store. “Cheap-ass wordsmithy,” you’re barking from atop your soapbox. “A hot fresh bucket of words! All made by North Korean children with arthritic fingers! Nope, it’s not as good as Stephen King or even Dean Koontz, but fuck it! It’s a dollar!”

And then you do a little jig.

Because everybody likes jigs.

Ah, but: price one thing at a buck and you’ve created a steal. A deal. A gateway drug.

Pricing everything at a dollar sends up a signal and that signal tells me that you don’t value your work all that much. Further, it suggests to me that you don’t want anybody else to value it, either.

Do: Use It As An Enticement Price And Loss Leader

Like I said: price one thing at a buck? Boom. Steal and deal. Gateway drug.

These days, the word count out there for sale is forming a hard gluttonous knot of mouse bones and burger grease in the arteries of the system — every day, more and more fatty narrative cholesterol globs onto the clot and it grows bigger and more unwieldy. It’s hard to distinguish yourself in that field, hard to further get people to take a risk on your work. A low price point for a single book offers an entry. Maybe it’s an entry into your whole catalog or just the entry point to a single series, but it signals that, hey, this is a safe path. Walk this way, and if you like what you see, I’ve got more stuff to show you.

The ninety-nine cent price point serves as a loss leader. Meaning, you ultimately take a loss on the product to get people in the door. And yes, it is likely going to be a loss; I know there exists a perception that any money earned from fiction is somehow just icing on the cake. It’s not. Not unless the production of said fiction took no more effort than popping a squat in the woods. Writing fiction takes time and effort. And caffeine. And liquor! You should be paid commensurate with your effort, which is why most books at that bottom-line price will never earn out, so let it be part of a strategy to earn out with your other offerings.

Do Not: Think That It Is The Best Price For Earning Out

Like I said: don’t expect to earn out with ninety-nine cents.

Let’s do some quick math. I’ve done similar math before but it bears repeating, even though math burns my fingers as if I were typing on a keyboard made of melty gooey volcano magma.

(For the record, we will now refer to lava as “earthjaculate.” Please update any and all salient records.)

Here’s the math.

Let’s say you want to earn $35,000 a year as a writer. Not an epic salary but not poverty level, either.

If you were to price everything you’re selling at ninety-nine cents, here’s what happens: you need to sell approximately 117,000 copies of your work over the course of one year’s time.

Is that doable? Sure. I see some authors doing it, and to them I tip my hat and clink my glass and kiss them on the mouth and implant my alien egg-babies into their trachea. Uhh. Ignore that last part.

That doesn’t mean it’s likely. Or easy.

Now, let’s do some more math. I have a book out there, as noted, at a dollar. I frequently float in the top 5/10,000 sold with this book, and am often in the Top 10 list of writing books at Amazon.

To stay at that rank, I sell an average of 18 copies per day, or ~6550 per year, making me just shy of $2000 in a year. Not bad, you think, and it isn’t — of course, it presumes my sales will remain steady after only a month of sales, but I’m always a fan of big glorious assumptions, so let’s be optimistic and assume that it’ll maintain that level. To make my $35k/annual, I’d need to have 17 equivalent products out in the same year, all earning at an equal level. That’s a lot of fucking books, you ask me.

Maybe you don’t blink at that number. Some self-published authors emerge out of darkness and can offer a massive churn-and-burn catalog of work, and with that approach this becomes more feasible.

Thing is, that book of mine is around 20,000 words. A novel is easily three times that in length, and if we’re assuming the average advance on a traditionally published novel is $5000 and we assume you’ll never earn beyond your advance, then you would need to sell around 17,000 copies (or ~1400 per month) in a year to make that same amount of money. Again, not impossible, but tricky.

Consider instead a novel priced at $2.99, which only needs to sell around 200 copies a month to earn that same level by the end of a year. Seems doable, does it not? At least, seems likelier. At $4.99, the novel needs to sell 120 a month to earn out by the end of a year. Consider a diverse catalog at a number of price points.

Do: Work The Short-Term Promotion

The ninety-nine cent price point should be a scalpel, not a hammer — it is an instrument of precision. One move is to use that price point as a temporary sales driver — maybe you intro your e-book at that price or do an occasional markdown in order to move some units and get some converts. Converts who might leave you reviews or at least recommend the book to others. Converts who might leave you gift baskets of fruit-flavored sexual lubricants and vibrating heretical idols upon your doorstep.

CONVERTS WHO WILL KILL IN YOUR NAME.

A writer can dream.

Oh, and I can also use the cheaper e-book as an incentive upon procuring the more expensive e-book — like last week’s promo where I gave away a free 250 Things to those who nabbed COAFPM.

Do Not: Equate Sales With Readers

Quick point, but worth noting: a lot of self-publishers refer to those who procure their works as “readers.” It’d be super-delightful if this were true, but it’s not. Some are just buyers — and, in my experience, the cheaper the book, the more buyers (who aren’t readers) you’ll have. This isn’t a bad thing, exactly — I’m not going to tell you how or when you should read my garbage. Use your Kindle as a doorstop. Fine by me.

That said, readers are better than buyers. Readers will do what is intended of your work, which is for the work to — drum roll please — get read. Readers also have the chance to become fans, and fans will buy all your stuff, tell other people about you, and generally be a happy part of your penmonkey ecosystem.

Ninety-nine cents may earn you a lot of buyers, but it does not guarantee those people will be readers. I have a pile of $0.99 books sitting on my Kindle. I bought ’em. I ain’t read ’em. And, frankly, I’m in no rush to. I wish I could say differently, but I’ve got other books I spent more coin on, and for some reason I equate more coin with greater value and so I wanna consume those first. (Same way I’d be likelier to eat an expensive cookie over a cheap generic-brand cookie. The assumption, correct or no, that the higher cost means higher quality means higher deliciousness factor. Why would I be fast to eat the cheap cookie?)

Do: Sell Direct

The $0.99 price point becomes more valuable financially when you’re selling direct. If I sell a copy of 250 Things at Amazon, I make $0.30. At B&N, I make $0.40. When I sell the PDF directly, I get $0.65.

And my direct sales hover at around 20% of my total sales.

I continue to wonder why most self-published authors fail to offer a direct option.

Summation

The ninety-nine cent price point works for certain things. It puts your book out there and it creates an opportunity for readers to get to know you and your work at an un-regrettable value point.

It doesn’t work (IMHO, YMMV, ASAP, NASA, LOL, etc) as a single blanket price point for all your work — especially if “all your work” comprises e-books of larger word count (like, say, novels). While I recognize that word count is not directly attached to quality, as a freelance writer I’m conditioned to expect that higher word counts tend to necessitate higher pay-outs to make the time, effort and size of the material worthwhile in terms of the writer’s own compensation.

Let’s hear your thoughts. How’s this all sit with you, writers, readers, self-pubbers? Accepting dissenting opinions and evidence now — don’t let this post be the end-all be-all of discussion.