Apple-Obsessed Author Fella

Category: The Ramble (page 124 of 464)

Yammerings and Babblings

Tracy Townsend: Five Things I Learned Writing The Nine

In the dark streets of Corma exists a book that writes itself, a book that some would kill for…

Black market courier Rowena Downshire is just trying to pay her mother’s freedom from debtor’s prison when an urgent and unexpected delivery leads her face to face with a creature out of nightmares.  Rowena escapes with her life, but the strange book she was ordered to deliver is stolen.

The Alchemist knows things few men have lived to tell about, and when Rowena shows up on his doorstep, frightened and empty-handed, he knows better than to turn her away. What he discovers leads him to ask for help from the last man he wants to see—the former mercenary, Anselm Meteron.

Across town, Reverend Phillip Chalmers awakes in a cell, bloodied and bruised, facing a creature twice his size. Translating the stolen book may be his only hope for survival; however, he soon realizes the book may be a fabled text written by the Creator Himself, tracking the nine human subjects of His Grand Experiment. In the wrong hands, it could mean the end of humanity.

Rowena and her companions become the target of conspirators who seek to use the book for their own ends.  But how can this unlikely team be sure who the enemy is when they can barely trust each other? And what will happen when the book reveals a secret no human was meant to know?

Nobody Knows You’re Doing This Thing…

Hey there, handsome, smart, adventurous person! You decided to write a book! Go, you! You have embarked upon something that will change your life, at minimum teaching you how patient you are with yourself, how forgiving, how driven, and how functional on only a modicum of sleep. This experience will also change your sense of just how important you and this major enterprise really are.

*leans in close*

Because nobody knows you’re writing this novel.

You think I mean “Nobody knows because you haven’t told them.” Nope. I mean even people you have told, with puff-chested pride or (perhaps) hushed, conspiratorial whispers, will look at you blankly each time you bring your writing up. And then (the paths diverge here a bit) they respond with some mixture of amusement, confusion, discomfort, etc., as if they’ve never heard of a human being — let alone you — trying such a thing. Get used to this being the world’s weirdest secret. It seems to keep itself, even as you talk to people about your work, the idea of it bouncing off them with humbling regularity. You have to hold onto the knowledge of what you’re doing, because a baffling plurality of people around you just plain won’t.

… And For the Most Part, They Won’t Get It

My agent will tell you I’m not very good at the so-called elevator pitch. She’ll tell you this not because she’s a merciless heckler (she’s actually quite lovely; send Bridget Smith all your sfnal things) but because she is absolutely correct. I can do a lot of peachy keen things on a page. Get me in front of a live audience and I get a little. . . off-script. But my terrible elevator pitch was improved markedly by repeated exposure to people politely inquiring about my writing and repeated experiences timing how long it took their eyes to glaze as I explained my world of fused science and religion, complete with retired mercenaries, desperate orphans, bizarre creatures, and Things No Man Was Meant to Know.

Take advantage of people Not Getting It. Use the polite curiosity of hapless innocents to refine your understanding of your work. Learn to make your project sound irresistible. My money moment was getting a group of Vegas tourists entranced by the Bellagio’s fountains to stop listening to Andrea Bocelli synced to spurting water and pull out their smartphones, taking down my name and The Nine’s title.

I’m still not sure that they got it. But I got them.

Assemble Your Avengers!

Writers need support systems. But not all support systems work equally well for every writer, every project, every process. Thinking carefully about what kind of reader you want to reach and what your strengths and weaknesses as a writer are will help you assemble the right team.

Finding the right critique partners is a bit like putting together a superhero team. You don’t expect Hawkeye to be the muscle, because he’s literally not built that way. You send him to cover Cap, and to be eyes for blunderbusses like Thor, or infiltrators like Black Widow. I’m good at characterization and world-building, but there are gaps in my armor, too. I need Michelle Barry because she knows how to put characters in a bad situation, then turn up the heat until the dial breaks off the stove. I need Maura Jortner because her marginal speculations about where the plot might be going are often so much savvier than my original plan, I’m all too happy zig toward her zag. I’m sure they have some reason for keeping me around. Maybe I’m like Banner.

Not Hulk. Banner. Twitchy, with questionable fashion sense.

“No” Recalculates the Route Toward “Yes”

Rejection is a reality for writers at every level. The good news is, most “No”s are (eventually) part of how your writing career recalculates the route to “Yes.”

So that agent didn’t want to represent my novel? Okay. There are uncounted others I’ve yet to contact. So the agent with the R&R offer didn’t like the final product? Okay. This other one did, and I’m only talking to her because I did that revision in the first place. I’m only hearing her great ideas because my writing didn’t fit into someone else’s game plan. So the first couple of editors who look at the manuscript take a pass? That’s okay. One of them wants to see a revision. The revision doesn’t make it through Acquisitions? I’ve still got that revision. And lookee lookee if another editor doesn’t think it’s just her thing.

It only takes one yes. It will take a lot of “no”s to get there. But you need those “no”s because they help you find the route that will best support your work — the people who were looking for something just like it all along.

The Second Book Is Not the First Book

The first book was perhaps the hardest thing you’ve ever done. You get a contract that starts off a series, maybe. I did. Good for me! Good for you! Guess what?

Writing the first book was easy, though it never for a minute seemed that way. Past You would punch Present You in the nose just for suggesting it. But Past You doesn’t know what you’re learning now: all that time recalculating the route toward Yes by way of No’sville was a luxury. It’s you writing at your own pace, revising meticulously, stepping back for as long as you want, and never having to worry if the two steps forward your writing took today are only making up for the two taken backward yesterday.

Book two, book three. Those are hard because every positive review (and I’ve been lucky enough to get more than a few, even some that made me a bit weak in the knees) reminds you that now, people have expectations. You have readers, and they expect more, and better. And, of course, your publisher is waiting, too. Your process has to change, and so does your pace, and so you assemble your Avengers sometimes for the sole purpose of making gibbering noises at them, and them sending you gifs of cute animals and babies eating cake. These things help, mostly. But because you Did The Thing, you now need to Do It Again. Good luck, and godspeed. It’s going to feel very different.

Trust me, I know.

Tracy Townsend holds a master’s degree in writing and rhetoric from DePaul University and a bachelor’s degree in creative writing from DePauw University, a source of regular consternation when proofreading her credentials. She is the past chair of the English Department at the Illinois Mathematics and Science Academy, an elite public boarding school, where she presently teaches creative writing and science fiction and fantasy literature. She has been a martial arts instructor, a stage combat and accent coach, and a short-order cook for houses full of tired gamers. Now she lives in Bolingbrook, Illinois with two bumptious hounds, two remarkable children, and one very patient husband.

Tracy Townsend: Website | Twitter

The Nine: Amazon | B&N | Indiebound | Powells | Read an excerpt

Spencer Ellsworth: Five Things I Learned Writing Shadow Sun Seven

A galactic empire falls… and a secret directive rings through the stars: kill all the humans.

A Red Peace left Jaqi and Araskar fugitives- the Resistance, the Empire’s remnants, and the insectoid Matakas want them dead, especially now that John Starfire’s upped the price on their heads. Nowhere is safe, but Araskar has a secret, and he uses it to make a deal with the Matakas. From the stolen high-level intel in his memory-sword comes a name: Shadow Sun Seven.

This hidden Imperial prison holds a cache of hyperdense oxygen, a priceless rarity from the Empire. It also holds a mysterious prisoner who knows secrets about the monsters in the Dark Zone, and thus Jaqi’s destiny. If Araskar and Z can survive a prison pit fight, while Jaqi and her dodgy allies break in, they can stop John Starfire’s genocide.

1- The Great Secret Idea Source Is… Fun

My stories come from a specific place. Not a magical unicorn’s butt, or any other magical butt, but from a three-foot square of Kool-Aid stained carpet.

Said carpet is occupied by a little kid who still lives in my head, despite years of boring adult stuff. He sits cross-legged with a bunch of toys loudly shouting:

SHWOOM!

WHOOSH!

PEW PEW PEW!

This is pretty much what happened with my first novel A Red Peace. The kid provided space bugs. Memory-swords. Cyborg planets. Sun-eating spiders. You know, the stuff that goes KABLOOM. I added what I’ve learned from writing short fiction about character, pacing and satisfying the audience, and wrapped it up in a story about totalitarianism and one’s conscience. Once A Red Peace was drafted and done, the kid SKREEKAPLEWed a quick skeleton of events for the sequels.

But the kid’s attention turned elsewhere after that, and that was fine, because the book was in submission limbo, hanging out in the Great Vortex of an editor’s desk.

2- …The Great Idea Source Will Not Have Fun on Command

And then Tor bought A Red Peace.

Not just A Red Peace, but two sequels! I had a genuine contract for Unnamed Starfire Book Two and Solve For X Starfire Book Three.

Victory. Novel deal. It called for a serious RASHKLAPOW!

Or so I thought. I presented the contracts to the kid and he…

Ran away and hid.

When I tracked him (mentally) down, he said, “Wait! Here’s ten other ideas I like better!”

Kid. Come on. I have a deadline.

3. Don’t Look At The End Product (Even Under Deadline), But Figure Out What Kind of Story You’re Writing First

We did this for a while. Several months in which the kid would give me any idea except the one I was contracted for. The kid simply couldn’t ignore the external pressure and play; SHROOKABOOMBUM was not achievable when I stood there yelling “this needs to be X amount of words, and as good as the first!”

Finally I stood back, took the limits off, and offered the kid just one suggestion. We could blow our deadline, we could write a piece of crap, we could put it all in iambic pentameter… it would all be okay, as long as we had some fun with this idea.

“Okay,” he said, little face furrowing in suspicion.

A Red Peace had been an extended chase sequence. The sequel, turning the tides, would be a caper. Subterfuge. A daring break-in. A mysterious prisoner.

The kid got a little excited. A caper? What’s the break-in? Wait, I’ve got it. It’s a prison built in the guts of a giant space tick. There’s someone who has living guns. There’s blob people and scorpion things and a tower in the middle of the desert and an alien crime queen bug… SKA-PLOW-WHAM!

The problem with writing on commission is this: you have to get your head out of the end product (sequel that moves story X distance, with Y wordcount, for Z deadline) and go back to the part where things were fun. This is most difficult when you haven’t actually written on commission before, and writing has always been an exercise in all-fun, few consequences.

So don’t start from the limits. You can worry about that in rewrites.

4. Big Fascist Bullies Will Make You Feel Bullied…

The kid and I, of course, both stopped in horror when a piss-haired fascist monster was elected President halfway through writing the book.

My agent called to check on me and said “Half my clients are frozen with anger and panic, and half are writing more furiously than ever, to kill fascism with their art.”

I don’t know if I felt either. I (and the kid) felt like we were right back at Scout Camp, getting picked on and missing our toys and our square of carpet. But it turns out…

5. …You Can Punch Right Back With Words

Given that my books are about the downfall of a galactic despot, the kid and I found that SHA-BLOOM could be rather therapeutic, after all, as long as we included some marching and a lot of calling our elected reps. In some ways, it was easier to say “Someone might read this and stand up to fascism” for both me, and the kid, and that made us even more excited for the THIRD book, when fascism gets what’s coming to it.

What’s that? You, yourself, like a little SKRAPLOW? You want to know who the mysterious prisoner is in the heart of the space tick prison, and what’s up with the living guns, the blobs and the tower? You too want to stick it to a galactic fascist? Shadow Sun Seven comes out November 28th from Tor.com, and if you haven’t please take a look at A Red Peace, out now, to SKREEKABLOOIE, er, pretty great reviews.

Spencer Ellsworth has been writing since he learned how. His short fiction has previously appeared in Lightspeed Magazine, Fantasy & Science Fiction, and at Tor.com. Over the years, he’s worked as a wilderness survival instructor, paraeducator in a special education classroom, and in publishing; he currently lives in the Pacific Northwest with his wife and three children and works at a small tribal college on a Native American reservation.

Spencer Ellsworth: Website

Shadow Sun Seven: Amazon | B&N | Kobo | Powells

Gifts For Writers, 2017

Why yes, it is that time of the year again. That time when you, a person who has a Precious Penmonkey in their lives, wonders aloud, “What the fuck do I buy for a writer? Do they need food pellets? Are they powered by bees? Do I just throw notebooks and pens at them until they write a masterpiece? WHO THE HELL ARE THESE PEOPLE.”

And here is where I appear out of the earth — like a ghost except made of lava because how cool is a lavaghost? — and give you some much-needed help. Here are some gift options for the Precious Penmonkey in your life. In your house. Possibly even in your heating ducts.

(For previous year lists –>)

(Gifts for Writers 2016)

(Gifts for Writers 2015)

(Gifts for Writers 2014)

Yep, I’m Going To Be Giddily Shameless

I wrote a book. It’s called Damn Fine Story. It’s not about writing, per se, but it is about storytelling — how to frame and shape your narrative, how to let characters lead the way, how to use metaphor and theme, and so forth. It also explains how my father lost his pinky finger and it talks a lot about Star Wars and Die Hard and, hey, you know what, just stop here and buy it. Buy it for your writer pal. It isn’t a one-stop shop for easy answers, but it hopefully will challenge them to look at their stories in a new way. Grab it in print or ebook. For a bonus round, check out my bundle of writing-related e-books here. THANK YOU FOR ENDURING MY SHAMELESS FROTHING. Please reward yourself with a cookie.

White Noise Machine

In case you haven’t noticed, 2017 is a year of shenanigans — it is the Epoch of Deepest Dipshittery, the Timeline of Wonky Whatfuckery. It’s an endless barrage of nonsense coming at you from all angles. The news alone is like being covered in biting ants, always, eternally, impossibly. It’s ants and ants and more ants. This is legitimately difficult for us word-wrangling writerfolk, because we will lose ourselves to the crawling and the biting. And so, we need distractions. One distraction that’s been helpful for me both in writing and in sleeping? Blissful white noise. You can use various apps or white noise albums, but a white noise machine makes a nice gift for underneath the Holiday-Neutral Joy-Shrub of choice. If want something that plugs into the wall, the Red Rooster machine is nice. If you’d prefer something with a bunch more sounds and powered by USB, this Pictek model is handy. Or you can just stand over them and go WHOOSH SHHHH FSSHHHH HOOOOOOFFFSSSSSHHH all night long, I don’t care, you do you.

Noise-Canceling Headphones

I’ve recommended good headphones before, but it behooves (as above) offering ones that CANCEL OUT THE ENDLESS NOISE OF THE STUPIDEST TIMELINE IN WHICH WE CURRENTLY EXIST. No headphones will drown them out permanently, but good ones can offer a pleasant escape temporarily for your favorite penmonkey, either while writing or while on a plane (as many of us travel semi-frequently). If you want something kinda luxe, these Sennheiser bluetooth muffs are pretty rad — though a less-expensive Sony wired version (noise isolating) can work, too. Good headphones are like a cabinet that opens to aural Narnia. Except watch out for the satyrs and their pyramid schemes.

Motherfucking Ice Cream, Motherfucker

I recommend ice cream every year, but in 2017 I have to recommend it with greater emphasis because it is entirely possible that the existence of ice cream is literally the last thing keeping us from sliding into the void. I will note, with epic delight, that Jenis Ice Cream now offers a Pint Club program, and as you know, the First Rule of Pint Club is shut up and eat the ice cream for tomorrow, we may die. I mean, you can now subscribe to ice cream. No greater subscription exists, not porn, not National Geographic, not anything. Salt and Straw also offers seasonal pint subscriptions, btw, and their ice cream is also sublime.

Washington Post Subscription

Speaking of subscriptions, paying writers is always a good thing, and if I can change my earlier statement, it is ice cream and good journalism that’s stopping us from sliding into the void, so feel free to get the writer in your life the gift of good journalism. Though it does expose them to more news, so maybe also pair it with some ice cream or whiskey just in case. I recommend WaPo for your subscription.

Authorial Bug-Out-Bag

I initially was going to put this on here as a joke, but I actually kinda like it, so fuck it, here we are. If the Shit Hits The Fan and the End Times arrive, we should have a bag full of necessary goods like a crossbow and ice cream and like, I dunno, a hatchet? A laser pistol? I haven’t thought this through. But writers will also want a bag full of necessarily writing gear, like pens and paper and such. Throw together a literary bug-out-bag to get them out the door. Check out this cool Sendak Artist writer gear roll-up — it’s expensive but purty. I travel with a Tom Bihn bag and love it, too. Point is, get a bag, fill it with writer essentials like a cool pen you can use to maybe kill a guy and a kick-ass notebook made from actual stone, or maybe this pen that needs no ink, maybe a handgun that shoots words onto paper *receives note* okay that’s not a thing. But you can put some good slavery-free chocolate in there, too. And a probably-sadly-not-bulletproof flask. A couple good books. Some hallucinogenic mushrooms. Whatever. Get creative.

Old-School Writing Devices

Once again, old-school word processors are all-the-rage, so check out the Freewrite or the King Jim Pomera DM100, or hell, a portable typewriter, nothing electronic about it. Hell, buy a rock and some rock chisels. Get those penmonkeys to write like it was in the old days: CARVED INTO THE BEDROCK ITSELF.

Speaking Of Old School

Pencil cases, man. It’s a thing. A new, cool pencil case can go in that bug-out-bag, or maybe it’s just where your favorite writer now stores their weed ha ha I mean pencils, shut up, who said weed. LOOK AT THIS ADORABLE CORGI PENCIL CASE, OMG. Or a waxed canvas pencil case for the bug-out-bag. Or, back to Peg and Awl: this scribbler’s pouch.

New-School

Authors may be in need of a nice portable keyboard — and here is one that folds up nice and neat, like an envelope made of infinite stories.

Authorial Puppets

If you’ve ever wanted to stick your finger up the ass of a famous, classical writer, well, these author finger puppets will give your penmonkey pal all the jollies. That’s right, James Joyce, I’m going to make you pay for Finnegan’s Wake. As a sidenote, you cannot stick your finger up my ass. At least not without buying me a fancy gin drink first.

Bookish Candles

Normally I try to avoid this type of writer kitsch, but my pal, BESTSELLING AUTHOR, KEVIN HEARNE, recommends these geeky bookish candles from Frostbeard Studio, so here I am, passing along that recommendation. This one just smells like Old Books, apparently. Maybe eventually they’ll make one called Impostor Syndrome and we can all breathe in its heady fumes.

Storytelling Games

I am a fan of anything that juices the ol’ story-glands, so to speak, so storytelling games earn my delight in that regard. Tall Tales is fun for your family. Dixit has a Balderdashian vibe to it. We are fans of Kodama here at the ol’ Wendighaus, fun because a story grows out of how you build a tree. Someone recommended Story Slam to me recently, too.

Or, Fuck It, Just Buy Them Some D&D, Man

It’s got Dungeons, it’s got Dragons, c’mon. More seriously, buy the writer in your life an RPG. First, it helps them understand story in different ways. Second, they get to play with dice, mmm, dice, precious fate-twisting dice. Third, it forces them to make friends. YAY FOR NEW FRANDOS.

Zinc Lozenges

Wait, did I just say zinc lozenges? I did. There is some evidence that zinc lozenges can help not stave off a cold, but rather, shorten a cold’s duration, and given that writers are of frail constitution and travel frequently — which puts them in contact with the rhinovirus-slathered hordes. I take Cold-Eeze with me wherever I go. I mean, not literally wherever. I’m not wandering into the men’s room with a backpack full of Cold-Eeze or anything, relax.

Weirdo Reference Books

I am nothing if not a fan of books that teach me weird stuff, and so I will recommend a few here, in the hopes you the penmonkey in your cellar also appreciates it. Atlas Obscura? Yes, please. Soonish: Ten Emerging Technologies That’ll Improve And/Or Ruin Everything? Indeed. The Wasp That Brainwashed The Caterpillar? What delight! Other Minds: The Octopus, The Sea, And The Deep Origins Of Consciousness? Super-great! (I prefer these books in physical format, hence the Indiebound links, but if you want e-book, you know where to look.)

Art Harder, Motherfucker (Mug)

Shameless again, but hey! A mug! With profanity on it! It says ART HARDER, MOTHERFUCKER, because why wouldn’t it? You can also get it without the profanity, if you truly must. (Ugh.)

Writer Subscription Boxes

Yes, there is a box where you can subscribe to pens and ink and stationary and the like. Or there’s the Meraki Literary Box, whatever the hell that is. I assume they just give you fingerbones of canonical writers, like, a bit of Chaucer here, a pinky from Mary Shelley, whatever. Or for additional mystery, there exists the Mysterious Package Company

Speaking Of Pens

Your penmonkey pal will need a place to put ’em. Try this!

Or If You Like To Get Wood

These “mistake sticks” from Offerman Wood Shop are handy. Bonus: a wooden handmade holder for your mistake sticks!

And That’s All She Wrote

Merry Neutral Holiday to you and the penmonkey in your life. If you’ve got other cool gift ideas for us silly writer-types, drop ’em in the comments below. *waves* *gets in a rocket-powered sleigh* *reindeer are sucked into the engine and turned into reindeer chum* *blasts off on a tide of fire, blood and antler dust, all of which rain down upon you* HO HO WHA HA HA HA

The Dating World Is Complicated, Part Two

Sometimes, there comes a time when authors tweet. Sometimes, those authors are Sam Sykes and Chuck Wendig. Sometimes, someone collects those tweets into a big pile of tweets — or whatever the collective noun is for tweets, a tortle of tweets or a twibble or a twain maybe — and then that someone puts them here at this blog where you can read them. So read them, already.

The Dating World Is Complicated, Part Two

The Maze And The Magic Cupboard

Sometimes, there comes a time when authors tweet. Sometimes, those authors are Sam Sykes and Chuck Wendig. Sometimes, someone collects those tweets into a big pile of tweets — or whatever the collective noun is for tweets, a tortle of tweets or a twibble or a twain maybe — and then that someone puts them here at this blog where you can read them. So read them, already.

The Maze And The Magic Cupboard

A Review Of The 2017 Film, Baby Driver

Sometimes, there comes a time when authors tweet. Sometimes, those authors are Sam Sykes and Chuck Wendig. Sometimes, someone collects those tweets into a big pile of tweets — or whatever the collective noun is for tweets, a tortle of tweets or a twibble or a twain maybe — and then that someone puts them here at this blog where you can read them. So read them, already.

A Review Of The 2017 Film, Baby Driver