Apple Review #36: Granny Smith

It is the day of the giving of thanks, a holiday that is ostensibly problematic in its origin but kind of nice and pure in its current form — it’s a celebration only minimally about buying things and ultimately about sitting down with friends and family to a stupidly caloric starch-bomb meal, often concluding with some manner of pie.

(I suggested on Bluesky that the ultimate form of Thanksgiving might in fact be Piesgiving, where you begin the day with breakfast pie, and eat savory pies throughout the day until crossing the finish line with a variety of sweet and season-slash-region-appropriate dessert pies. The goal is then also to figure out how to turn, say, a coffee drink into something reflective of pie — or a cocktail, as well. IT CAN BE DONE. And yes, there’s already 3/14, Pi Day, but the goal here would be to make it more autumnal, more apropos to the standard Thanksgiving meal.)

Anyway, it’s a nice day, and you might be sitting down at some point and enjoying apples today, as I hope you are. You are, after all, a member of the Apple Snack Gang whether you want to be or not, sorry, I don’t make the rules, just by reading these very words you are legally across all galactic satrapies a member of the cult I mean gang. Welcome aboard!

I’ve got apples in my homemade cranberry sauce, and I also made a side of applesauce — this time using Ludacrisp apples, and honestly, it tastes a little weird. Not bad! But weird. I also get a pie from Factory Girl, and I’ll just let you get a look at that beauty:

They have in fact challenged me to try to figure out what five apples they use in this glorious pie — really, it’s the best apple pie ever — and boy howdy am I down for that challenge. I’ll get it wrong! But I’ll try.

(My go-to apple pie apple is Goldrush, but I have yet to be able to get any this season, as my orchard seems late to put them out. Aaaugh.)

Anyway, one of the apples I think most commonly used in Thanksgiving foodstivities is, in fact, the apple I am here to review today.

Without further ado:

My review of a Manoff Orchard Granny Smith, late-Nov:

The Granny Smith apple! An apple that I only just learned is apparently an Aussie apple. Not British, not American. May even have some ties to Tasmanian crabapples? And it’s named after a literal Granny Smith — Maria Ann Smith, an orchard-keeper.

Whatever the case, it’s often thought of as a great baking apple, a good sauce apple, and a terrible eating apple.

In fact, my last review some years ago was this:

“It’s good for baking but don’t put it in your mouth.”

And that was it.

Thing is, that was a grocery store version procured in January. It was tart as hell, hard as a rock, and made my mouth sad.

I decided this year, well, why not give it another go?

They were popping up at my local orchard, plus I was using some to cook with for Turkey Day (a day in which I do not make turkey, by the way, and today I’ll be making little quails) — so I saved one for eating out of hand.

The result?

This was a lovely apple! Quelle surprise, which is French for: “I AM SHOOKETH, FOR THIS APPLE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE A MISERABLE ORB OF TONGUE-SHRIVELING SOURNESS, BASICALLY JUST A LIME, BUT ACTUALLY, IT WAS MUCH BETTER THAN THAT, THEREFORE I AM, AS PREVIOUSLY NOTED, SHOOKETH.”

Crisp rather than crunchy. Juicy but not like, “go see a doctor” juicy. Had a lemonade flavor, but less a super-sweet lemonade and more the artisanal kind which is mostly lemon and minimally sugar. It was tart, but not unsweet. The skin was not a problem to eat and was, erm, easy to perforate and did not linger longer in the mouth.

All told?

Very pleasing. Quite refreshing!

Only oddities were —

a) the skin offered about 10% banana runts

b) a puzzling savory note manifested and lingered long after eating the apple — not unpleasant, but odd

Neither of those are deal-breakers.

As such, for eating-out-of-hand, this is an easy 6.6 out of 10. (Higher if you’re using it for baking or throwing at the shrieking poop-fingered goblins you’ve parked at the kiddy table today.)

You can watch me eat it — and regard its witch’s nipple — here.

(I also quick remind: order my books by Nov 30th here from Doylestown to get them shipped to you with unique personalizations and stickers. Support a cool indie bookstore. Help me buy more apples in the process. Okay, minimal capitalistic intrusion complete.)

I’m thankful for this apple.

I’m thankful for you.

Okay bye.

Granny Smith: Best for baking but a good version from a nice orchard will give a pleasantly refreshing lemonadey apple-eating experience

Reviews in 2025: Honeycrisp, Sweetie, Crimson Crisp, Knobbed Russet, Cortland, Maiden’s Blush, Cox’s Orange Pippin, Reine des Reinettes, Ingrid Marie, Hudson’s Golden Gem, Holstein, Suncrisp, Ashmead’s Kernel, Opalescent, Orleans Reinette, Black Gilliflower, Red Delicious Double Feature, Jonathan, Ruby Mac, Crimson Topaz, Esopus Spitzenburg, Mutsu, Hunnyz, Winesap, Stayman Winesap, Winter Banana, Ribston Pippin, Rhode Island Greening, Roxbury Russet, Opal, Cosmic Crisp, Black Oxford, Ananas Reinette, Sugarbee