On Doom And Joy

There exists this habit, I think, online where, when we see people experiencing and then displaying an emotion that makes us uncomfortable, we feel the need to challenge it or even to correct it. Case in point, if you’re online and you express any sort of doomy feelings about the world, someone might show up to chastise you for that attitude — oh, you can’t be doomy. Doom is bad. Doom is how they win, they’ll tell you. Doom is what they want so you mustn’t feel doom! Doom gets us nothing, you fool! Don’t you see what you’ve done? YOUR DOOM IS CONTAGIOUS.

And then, the other side of the spectrum is when you express something that is in some way joyful or positive. It’s not just, “I like bagels” and someone replies, “but why do you hate donuts?” It’s like saying, “I like bagels,” and someone shows up to castigate you: “How dare you post this glib thing about bagels when our DEMOCRACY is ON FIRE, must be nice to have FANCY EXPENSIVE BAGELS YOU HUGE PIECE OF SHIT.”

I think it’s important to realize we live in a world where our emotions are not necessarily utilitarian. They’re not here to fit a function. They’re just emotions. And sometimes we display them, and for some reason, that display makes people uncomfortable when it challenges how they feel, and so they attack the emotion-haver and emotion-displayer as if that single post/skeet/image is the thing that’s going to make or break our [insert super-important thing here: democracy, climate, economy, future, existence]. We challenge it, anticipating that we can… I dunno, fix it? That by challenging someone’s doom or joy, we can somehow course correct them and by proxy course correct the rest of human history?

Thing is, it just doesn’t work like that. People individually are messy and we’re not pebbles on a train track able to derail the entire train just be existing as a pebble. Things are fucking shitty out there and it’s okay to feel like they’re impossibly, overwhelmingly shitty and it’s further okay to say how things feel impossibly, overwhelmingly shitty. You don’t need to correct someone’s feelings, because feelings aren’t facts. If they’re happy about something and expressing joy, you also don’t need to correct that joy — I mean, how messed up is that? In the midst of burgeoning chaos if someone finds delight in their new puppy or a fucking sandwich they just made, let them love the puppy, let them eat the sandwich, let them express that small pleasure in the face of overwhelming global bullshit.

Just let people have their feelings.

You can put your own feelings on your own timeline, that’s fine. If you feel like doom is bad, and you have something to counter it, put it out into the world. That’s you getting to feel how you feel, and that’s okay, too.

It’s hard not to feel doomy right now.

It’s also hard not to desperately seek small, significant things of joy.

We’re complicated weirdos, and we feel how we feel and you don’t need to change that. You just need be your own kind of complicated weirdo and put that out into the world, too. The energy is the energy. The emotion is the emotion. If there are calls to action, boost them to an audience, don’t aim them at a person unless asked for. Let people be messy. Let them have their feelings. Life is fucked up enough without feeling like you’re not allowed to feel how you feel — and worse, that you’re not allowed to say how you feel, that you damn well better cork it up inside your heart until it ruptures.

If you’re feeling sad and fucked up about the world, that’s okay. Of course you do! You have your eyes open. Things ain’t amazing! It’s normal to see BAD THINGS and then FEEL BAD as a result.

If you’re feeling desperate and are grasping for joy, yeah, of course you are. A taste of delight, of happiness, in dark and troubled times is very, very, very human. Why wouldn’t you do that? The darkness calls for a flashlight. (Or, when possible, a flamethrower — but I digress.)

Feel how you feel.

Let others feel how they feel.

(And before I get the comments: this is not a suggestion that doom is good. It’s just normal. Yes, obviously we should fight against that tide. If you’re standing in a river of sewage, try to get out of the sewage. And help others do the same. And I’m also not suggesting that in times of difficulty that’s your cue to just sub out, to give up and seek only your own happiness. I’m only saying, feelings are messy, and we all have them. Okay, bye.)