So, here’s a thing that happened:
This blog turned 15 years old this month. On October 19th, actually.
Blink, blink.
Holy crap, this blog is old. It’s a surly teenager now. It’s slamming doors and stealing my whiskey. It just ran up the stairs and yelled down at me, YOU’RE NOT MY REAL DAD.
Oh, but I am, blog. I am.
If you’ll take a momentary trip with me in the Wayback Machine, you will discover that once upon a time, when Cavepeople rode to work on Pteranodons, I ran a BBS — a bulletin board system. (I had various names for said BBS: BizarroWorld, ShadowLands, UnReality.) It was like the Internet before there was an Internet, except my fucking shitty 486 computer ran it and you had to use a screamy dial-up modem to connect to my house. And there online I offered networked forums and games and warez and ASCII art and all those Cool Jamz, and I had a little writing group called WAR (Writers Against Reality, a weaksauce title but shut up, I was a teenager). I’m not even sure my parents knew I ran the thing? And one time, Bruce Campbell dialed in? Whatever.
When it came time to establish an online presence post-college and in the dawning era of the Intertubes, I decided that I needed a BLOG — which as I have noted before is like, the worst name for anything ever. Blog sounds like the onomatopoeia of my dog horking up a wad of ill-eaten grass. (Actually, vlog may be worse than blog, because vlog sounds like Dracula’s idiot relative. “Hi, I’m Vlad the Impaler, and this is my little cousin, Vlog the Inn Tailor.”) My initial plan when it came time to plan out this blog was that I wanted to have it serve as an online writer’s community, much as I did back when I was a SysOp running a BBS. Thus the name terribleminds — it was meant to evoke that feeling of, blah blah blah, a bunch of gloriously terrible creative minds getting together and shooting the shit about wordsmithy.
Except, that sounded like a lot of work and I also didn’t like people at that time so instead I said, “Fuck that shit, George,” and then I decided instead to just do a blog about me, me, me.
OH GLORIOUS NARCISSISM
As such, my programmer roommate at the time did a static HTML page — she did a cracking good job and set me up with rudimentary HTML skillz and an FTP client and I did all my updating the old fashioned way — by yelling code into a donkey who carried the blog up a mountain to the Internet.
And it was fine and nice and it was me yelling at me about me. Often about writing, sometimes about other rantylicious topics. But it had no metrics. It had no comments.
I had no idea who was listening.
Around 2009, Will Hindmarch suggested I be a big boy and actually get a WordPress installation, and I nodded and smiled and pretended I knew what he was talking about. Thankfully, he coached me through it, and next thing the world knew, I had metrics, and comments, and sweet hot hell people were actually reading this blog. It was like opening the curtain to your front windows and finding a bunch of people staring in through the glass.
The blog numbers have gone up considerably over the last several years, too.
2009: 35,000 views.
2010: 435,000 views.
2011: 1.5 million.
2012: 2.7 million.
2013: 3.2 million.
2014: 3.6 million.
And this year we’re on target to match 2014, with the added bonus of having daily subscribers — over 8,000 people who get these blog posts in their mailboxes, daily.
All the while, I’ve done it without soliciting money or posting advertising or any of that. I fuel the existence of the blog with the money I (ideally) make with my writing.
(Oh, I’m told blogs are dead now. But terribleminds will keep on, zombie-like. /braaaaains)
It’s been an amazing journey, and while I still hew roughly to the same style of blogging I did way back when (yelling at myself about myself), the original and seemingly forgotten goal of terribleminds actually circled back around and became a true thing: this really is, I feel, a community of and for writers. It exists because of all of you, so thanks for being here and being awesome. It’s mind-boggling that so many of you care to listen to the froth-mouthed gabbling of a freakshow like myself, but I really, really appreciate it.
AS SUCH, it is time to do a giveaway.
I initially though I’d give away my books, but meh, who wants that?
Then I thought, maybe I’ll give something bookish — a Kindle or what-not.
Even then, I feel like that runs counter to the spirit of the weirdness that is this blog.
So! Instead, I’m going to giveaway something TOTALLY RANDOM. Unexpected. A bizarre-o care package sent to one lucky commenter. Here’s all you gotta do:
Go leave a comment beneath this post.
Oh, and be from the U.S. — I know, that sucks, but international shipping is a terrible thing.
Then, on Thursday, I’ll pick one of you randos to receive MYSTERIOUS GIFTNESS.
*poof*
EDIT: We Have A Winner
The winner of the birthday fun is:
JEN.
Someone named Jen, no last name!
Jen, who wrote the comment, “Happy happy!”
Jen, I’ve got an email address for you, so I’ll try it, but if the one you signed in with is incorrect, ping me at terribleminds at gmail dot com so I can get a mailing address from you.
MYSTERY PACKAGE INCOMING.
Laura J. Quinn says:
Happy birthday, terribleminds!
Thank you for making me snort out loud in the most unladylike manner ever while at work. I didn’t get weird looks at all…. Yeah. . .
MORE HILARIOUS RANTYLICIOUS BITS IN MY FACEHOLE PLEASE!
October 28, 2015 — 10:30 AM
south3rd says:
Congratulations on the blog turning 15–that is a big deal! I got hooked on your blog a few years ago–you are So Funny, Really Very Funny (a delight, sir, a delight).
You give good writing advise, too. Also, thanks.
I bought a bunch of your stuff–Under The Empyrean Sun is wildly imaginative and smoothly told. It’s my favorite, outside of your blog.
Happy Blogaversary.
October 28, 2015 — 10:31 AM
Nola Sarina says:
I live in Canada, but can I enter to have the random something sent to my brother in the USA? He loves weird stuff and I don’t give him gifts as often as I should. 🙂
October 28, 2015 — 10:35 AM
Robert Palmer says:
I used to run a website on geocities in 1996 with all that static html nonsense. I feel your pain. During college I didtched all that crap and came back to the internet after dial-up was dead. the next time I started a blog the donkey had been replaced with a fleet little capuchin monkey which scampered up the mountain like its ass was on fire.
October 28, 2015 — 10:36 AM
A.R. Draeger says:
I have no idea what to comment. I’m delirious thanks to a fever. Thought this was some Cthulu reference I was missing. Nope. Blogrthday = Blog Birthday. I understand this now. Happy Blogrthday! I’m crawling back to bed where I apparently need to stay. 😛
October 28, 2015 — 10:37 AM
K. Czechowski says:
Now you’ve got me all curious… you’ll reveal they mystery prize post-awarding, yes? Please? >.>
October 28, 2015 — 10:39 AM
Caytlin Vilbrandt (@pixel_prism) says:
Happy blog birthday! I’m so glad you and your internet shouting exists and that I found it. My dad and I bond over this blog a lot 🙂
(And of course weird free stuff is cool too! But thank you for everything, All-Shouting Wendoogle)
October 28, 2015 — 10:39 AM
josinlmcquein says:
A comment.
(couldn’t resist) 😉
October 28, 2015 — 10:39 AM
Steve Voelker (@Voelker58) says:
Holy crap. 15 is like 538 in Internet years. Well done!
October 28, 2015 — 10:40 AM
Jerry Delventhal says:
Well happy birthday to your blog of wonderful weirdness.
October 28, 2015 — 10:41 AM
Diane says:
Happy Blogrthday! Thanks for the years of unabashedly laughing out loud at work! Looking forward to more.
October 28, 2015 — 10:45 AM
Katie says:
I’m in! Happy Blogrthday, Chuck. It’s been a real joy to read your advice and opinion pieces. The writing groups I’ve led have benefited from your wisdom (even if my coworkers have been slightly disturbed by the cackling that comes out of my office whenever I read your latest post…)
October 28, 2015 — 10:48 AM
RuthAnn McCormick says:
I just recently discovered your blog and I feel you are my alter ego. you make laugh out loud daily. oh if I only had the nerve I would talk to everyone just like you (alas I must keep my day job) thanks for the information and the daily dose of humor and sarcasm.
RuthAnn
October 28, 2015 — 10:51 AM
Bika says:
Shit yeah! One of my writing buddies linked me to you years ago and I literally laughed my butt off. I have no butt now. Thanks, Chuck!
October 28, 2015 — 10:53 AM
Kate says:
Sure, drag me out of lurkerdom with the chance of winning fabulous mystery prizes.
I truly appreciate your posts arriving in my inbox on a regular basis. It reminds me that I used to be a writer once, and that I might actually want to be one again.
October 28, 2015 — 10:53 AM
Kate Raynes says:
On a good day, I may get 75 people to look at my blog (and then run away screaming). You pick 75 people out of your teeth at breakfast. Case in point… it’s 7:50am on the same day you posted this blog and almost 50 FB likes. Pshh. Whatever.
I think a consolation prize is in order. It’s the least you could do.
October 28, 2015 — 10:54 AM
April Moore says:
Happy Blogrthday! Where else can we read about poop, deer flies and writing? Keep it up.
October 28, 2015 — 10:56 AM
M.A. Kropp says:
Happiest of birthdays to terriblwminds! This is one of my absolute favorite blogs. For many reasons, but primarily because you do help all of us writerly types out here. Even us newbs, trying to figure it all out. Keep yelling, sir. We are listening.
October 28, 2015 — 10:56 AM
Clay Hanson says:
Congratulations! Looks like the proper gift for 15 year is crystal. The best place I know to find crystals is Final Fantasy dungeons. So I’m off to the fire cave with some asbestos armor and a bucket of ice water. Ifrit shouldn’t be too tough.
October 28, 2015 — 11:04 AM
Bobby Harrell says:
I love free stuff!
October 28, 2015 — 11:05 AM
Apple says:
Hey, I’m one of those 8,000 people who get your posts in my email (and really the only blog I read every time instead of ignoring and letting it rot in my inbox for weeks before deleting)! And I prolly wont win but I figured I’d comment anyway cause I love you Chuck. You get me.
October 28, 2015 — 11:06 AM
Bobby Harrell says:
And thanks for all the excellent writing advice!
October 28, 2015 — 11:06 AM
Mimi says:
Happy Birthday:):):) I am Grateful to have come across Chuck and Terrible Minds! Learning a ton from this site:)
October 28, 2015 — 11:06 AM
D.L. Raen says:
I’m new to this writing thing. Well, new to trying to make something real with all of the weird ramblings that continuously run through my mind. I stumbled over your blog while panicking over getting ready for my first NaNoWriMo. I hope you didn’t get hurt too bad when I stumbled over you!
I have to say that your unique view and explanations helped me get over a lot of my concerns and fears regarding NaNoWriMo and writing in general! Thank you SO much!
May there be MANY, MANY, MANY more Blogrthdays in yours and our futures!
October 28, 2015 — 11:10 AM
Margo Bond Collins says:
I <3 your ill-mannered, teenage blog.
October 28, 2015 — 11:10 AM
Erin says:
Happy blogrthday, and may there be many more!
October 28, 2015 — 11:12 AM
Sara Mariah says:
Happy blogrthday!! Your advice is always spot-on and damn near exactly what I need every time, so thanks for doing what you do. It’s much appreciated!
October 28, 2015 — 11:14 AM
Lucie says:
Happy birthday! This blog remains one of the few I stop by every day, no matter what.
October 28, 2015 — 11:15 AM
wishingforhorses says:
Happy Birthday Terribleminds! The content here has not only made me a better writer it’s made me braver, stronger and one with a much healthier attitude. So thank you eversomuch!
October 28, 2015 — 11:15 AM
Stephanie Cranford says:
I like random. 🙂
October 28, 2015 — 11:18 AM
Julieta says:
Awww, I feel SO lucky because I only discovered this blog a few weeks ago. It’s like making a grand entrance into a grand party on a red carpet. I LOVE your blog. I love the way you speak–unfiltered, or at least it comes out that way–and fresh. I also love the F–bomb and the fact that you drop it so frequently makes me grin. It was great to read about the history of the blog, I don’t feel like such a party-crasher anymore. The first thing I do in the morning is clean my inbox because I run my own business and e-mails are usually not “happy” or fun. Just work. But I love seeing yours at the top because they came while I slept. As an aspiring author about to publish my first attempt I have so much to learn, and meeting people like you is fucking inspiring.
Grin.
October 28, 2015 — 11:19 AM
hccummings says:
Mysterious Giftness? I’m down with that. Happy Blogirthday!
October 28, 2015 — 11:20 AM
Eileen says:
Please send totally random awesomeness my way. In return, I will send you a wholly haphazard gift. I have a coconut bra and a can of Unicorn meat right here on my desk waiting to be mailed. True story. Plus, I own a brewpub, so there could be beer involved.
October 28, 2015 — 11:22 AM
Eretria says:
Happy Blogrthday Terribleminds! Thanks for always telling it to us straight with a lot of swears and craziness mixed in.
October 28, 2015 — 11:26 AM
Scott Dyson says:
Back in the 90’s I helped run a readers’ and writers’ (and a bunch of people who played a golf game called “Links”) forum called the Book and Candle Pub on Delphi Internet Services. A bit different in scale, but the same idea, as your BBS run from your computer. (We didn’t need to worry about the techie part of things.) It’s still there, but I’m not much help anymore. Anyway, Happy Birthday, TM, and thanks to Chuck for hosting!
October 28, 2015 — 11:27 AM
Nikki H says:
Happy Birthday, blog. Hope you have a great day. (Standard Internet birthday message) . No, really. Very cool to know I’m a part of this weird-ass little community. Thanks.
October 28, 2015 — 11:32 AM
Diane Vance says:
I want to win something, I need it.
October 28, 2015 — 11:34 AM
Paul Baxter says:
Happy birthday, terribleminds!
Is the a Joey Hi-Fi piece of art?
October 28, 2015 — 11:39 AM
maskedplatypus says:
Congratulations, Chuck! Love TM, hope it goes another 15 (and more)
October 28, 2015 — 11:39 AM
Jeannie Hudson says:
Happy Blog-birthday, Chuck! I have been a reader for several of those years. Rarely do I comment, but I just wanted to say I hope you never stop blogging because you oftentimes make my day with your wit and brains and fantastic thoughts about writing. I’m so proud for you of all the much-deserved successes that are finally coming your way.
October 28, 2015 — 11:44 AM
Grace Zimmerman says:
You’re even screwier than I am but you have the nerve, the verve, to write it all down Maybe when I get old, there will be a transformation in my attitude, my coscinomancy, my moral obligations, and my ability to get to the heart of the problem
October 28, 2015 — 11:54 AM
emmafredericks says:
Congrats on the blogrthday! And thank you for all the information, advice, opinions, and all of the art harder kicks in the ass over the past 3 years (since I found you).
October 28, 2015 — 11:55 AM
Todd Moody says:
Happy Birthday, Terribleminds! It’s still one of the only blogs I read every day, even the days you aren’t here. I reread old posts and reminisce about the old days. I’m glad your keeping this going, you have one of the freshest (Minty?) voices on the interwebz these days.
October 28, 2015 — 12:04 PM
Jinxie G says:
Happiest of blogrthdays! Your blog has been damn hilarious and made me smile on days when I needed it most, so I thank you for that, kind sir. Here’s to another 15 years!
October 28, 2015 — 12:11 PM
Scott says:
And many happy returns!
October 28, 2015 — 12:14 PM
robinlcole says:
Happy birthday, blog!
I’ve only been reading your blog for about two years now, but I look forward to it every single time. You make me laugh at loud and teach me cool things–what else could a gal ask for? 🙂
October 28, 2015 — 12:22 PM
Sarah Wolf says:
Happy happy blogrthday!! Thanks for the time you put into each of your posts.
October 28, 2015 — 12:27 PM
Tom B says:
Happy birthdayversary, terrible minds! Now that the blog’s 15, has it started shaving yet or is it trying to sport a wispy goatee?
October 28, 2015 — 12:29 PM
Jemima Pett says:
Happy Blogthday Chuck. 15 is a heck of a time. I had my 5th last week, and that seemed amazing enough. (and I sent my prize international…) Don’t pick me, I’m in the Uk, but I love you anyway. xxxx
October 28, 2015 — 12:35 PM
Allyson says:
Happy blogrthday! It makes my morning to see a new post in my inbox, and sometimes in the middle of the night while I skype my fiance and he’s forced to stare at the strange face I make when the email notification pops up and I stop talking to read the wacky title.
Keep it going another 15!
October 28, 2015 — 12:36 PM