Hey, word-nerds.
Here’s what I want you to do, if you’re comfortable with it. Some of you are presently in the midst of writing or editing stories — in particular, a great heaping helping of you ARTFUL MOTHERFUCKERS are probably knee-deep in the word slurry of NaNoWriMo now — and so I think it’s time to share a little teeny tiny sliver of the work.
Just a taste.
An amuse-bouche.
*smacks lips*
Take a sentence from the work and post it in the comments below.
I’d say to choose a favorite sentence, but I don’t want to hem you in too much — also possible you’d choose a sentence you feel that you just can’t get quite right (and if you are seeking help with said sentence, feel free to ask for exactly that).
So, go, deposit a sentence below.
If, again, you’re comfortable.
*stares*
*smacks lips some more*
*drools*
JWJ says:
Preston removed a cheese fry from the melted cheddar mountain on his plate and watched the cheese hang off in glistening, orange-yellow tendrils.
November 10, 2014 — 7:40 PM
addy95 says:
Great. Now I am hungry and I still have 3 and half hours till lunch.
November 11, 2014 — 4:02 AM
JWJ says:
Compliment accepted. 🙂
November 11, 2014 — 9:46 AM
maskedplatypus says:
I perpetually have a dozen or so in progress, (which is why I rarely complete anything, which means I know what my problem is and so not dealing with it is my own fault, but that’s all a digression), but here’s the one sentence each from the two I’ve actually worked on in the last week:
“Why an animal would keep its sense of direction in its hindquarters didn’t make sense to Wertham, but who was he to argue about animals.”
“Immense, enormous, gargantuan – none of them seemed to do justice to the vastness of the being that soared in the sky.”
November 10, 2014 — 7:51 PM
taraeast88 says:
Uncovered and cold, she stares into the cavity between the breast and backbone; where life had once resided, now there was nothing.
November 10, 2014 — 7:55 PM
Mary Ann Peden-Coviello says:
“If you don’t let me in, I’ll give you so much homework you won’t finish it till you’re thirty-seven.”
The door opened.
November 10, 2014 — 8:10 PM
TMK says:
From the moment Stanley Grist was launched across his shop at the same speed that broke the sound barrier, he knew something was amiss.
November 10, 2014 — 8:25 PM
AK says:
“Insult me again, you flea-bitten squirrel anus.”
From my NaNoWriMo WIP “Small Gods”
November 10, 2014 — 8:27 PM
wildbilbo says:
I may use Flea-Bitten Squirrel Anus as in a future insult. Thank you.
🙂
November 11, 2014 — 6:17 PM
Ame says:
“Small bricks fall out of my ass and dance on the park’s sidewalk.”
November 10, 2014 — 8:35 PM
shelton keys dunning says:
That sounds painful.
November 12, 2014 — 2:29 PM
Diana Cayton says:
I’m super insecure about my writing but since I wanna get published some day that’s going to have to stop, so here goes:
“Yes, dear, you made a hole in the wall. Your hulk-like strength is quite impressive. Now back away and don’t hurt yourself again, alright?”
November 10, 2014 — 8:43 PM
Jenni C says:
Don’t be insecure. This is a friendly place. Cute scene!
November 11, 2014 — 10:47 AM
Spike Cordiner says:
“You call this vodka?”
“I call it the cheapest thing I could get that didn’t taste of meths.”
November 10, 2014 — 9:07 PM
Sephi says:
It was the last scream that tore her universe apart.
November 10, 2014 — 9:21 PM
catemorgan says:
This one got me, too. Hooked, tagged, and bagged.
November 11, 2014 — 10:18 AM
These Lonely Adventures says:
They were on the second floor when the girl showed Paige a collection that she called “Lonely Things.”
November 10, 2014 — 9:23 PM
Marina Finlayson says:
Opening sentence from this year’s Nano:
“Plenty of teenagers don’t share a house with their dad, but usually it’s not because he’s a bear.”
November 10, 2014 — 9:24 PM
storyteller5 says:
Love this!
November 12, 2014 — 1:27 AM
Patrick Hester says:
“So I used my knife to cut my arm off.”
November 10, 2014 — 9:32 PM
gekkegina says:
She dropped down, gently running her hands through the ashes, as if the substance that was laid out in front of her could break, and she thought she could feel it burning her palms, but she held onto it anyway with shaking hands as she hummed ‘somewhere over the rainbow’ with a croaking voice that even she could hardly hear and couldn’t recognise as her own.
November 10, 2014 — 9:36 PM
stark says:
From one of the many novels I’ve been too terrified to self-publish.
‘If I hadn’t met Frank, could I have figured it out on my own? Would I have spent my whole life thinking I got short-changed, or been slammed with the realization post-coital with a corpse?’
November 10, 2014 — 10:49 PM
dangerdean says:
“It is many lives, far too many, but trust me when I say the lives of such important men are but a piss in the desert. They run hot and fast for a short time, but then they disappear.”
November 10, 2014 — 11:02 PM
Kem Royale says:
You’ve got a really smooth style. Not enough piss to raise the temperature. Hey? I’m inspired and on the way to my writer’s den to script some words that I hope will measure up to the caliber of this. Thanks Kem
November 10, 2014 — 11:19 PM
Darius Sayers says:
Life is full of stories. Some are true, some aren’t, but all of them are real. My story is one of those. I simply ask that you hold all judgment until you’ve heard it out.
From NaNoWriMo – Angels Deserve To Die
November 10, 2014 — 11:06 PM
cook with liquor lady says:
Love it!
November 12, 2014 — 10:01 AM
Catkins says:
That is a goood opening.
November 17, 2014 — 5:30 PM
angeliquejamail says:
They set out along the riverbank, stepping as carefully around their conversation as around the tree roots and sprigs of hardy flowers growing up through the sparse grasses.
November 10, 2014 — 11:14 PM
Jenni C says:
Pretty.
November 11, 2014 — 10:53 AM
angeliquejamail says:
Thank you. 🙂
November 11, 2014 — 6:12 PM
Mozette says:
Haven’t we all been in this scene in our lives at some point? Be it in a dream, during our Summers or just like this, inside a book? 🙂
November 11, 2014 — 7:59 PM
angeliquejamail says:
Yes! 🙂 Thanks for your comment.
November 11, 2014 — 8:20 PM
Honey Apostos says:
“Putting me in this thing is like putting a cowpoke in a designer gown. It’s impressive to look at but there is something that’s just wrong about it.”
November 10, 2014 — 11:47 PM
jacki214 says:
lol!
November 11, 2014 — 2:37 AM
tinbutterfly says:
Though it felt like slicing open her own face, Dee smiled.
November 11, 2014 — 12:23 AM
maskedplatypus says:
ok, see, that’s an awesome comparison.
November 11, 2014 — 8:23 AM
tinbutterfly says:
Thank you!
November 11, 2014 — 9:13 PM
Jenni C says:
Wow, I love this.
November 11, 2014 — 10:44 AM
tinbutterfly says:
Thanks!
November 11, 2014 — 9:13 PM
angelacavanaugh says:
The scrolling message only repeated one thing: stay inside and await instructions.
November 11, 2014 — 1:34 AM
jacki214 says:
Two sentences. PRN, 11-2014
Nothing had changed because he suddenly found himself unaccountably attracted to another man. His shoulders sagged and his face relaxed into dispirited nothingness as he climbed the stairs between floors to the surgical ward.
November 11, 2014 — 2:33 AM
Kem Royale says:
Excellent… I would love to read more. Your eloquent flow speaks highly of your gift. Keep on keeping on. Kem
November 11, 2014 — 3:51 AM
jacki214 says:
Thank you!
November 11, 2014 — 3:46 PM
auroranibley says:
Each bungalow was a different shape and size, but all echoed the architecture of the main building on a smaller scale, as if the mansion had built a nest out of bougainvillea and jasmine and then given birth to a litter of baby houses. This is what people think of when they hear the word “California,” Cassandra thought.
November 11, 2014 — 2:34 AM
Remi says:
NaNo WIP Nov 2014
She thought he wore his friendliness like a shield.
November 11, 2014 — 2:42 AM
Jenni C says:
I like this. Simple and telling. Maybe it’s because I feel this way sometimes.
November 11, 2014 — 10:52 AM
Remi says:
Thank you. Yeah…kind of like the main character’s demeanor in “The Remains of the Day” – stay in role, stay professional…
November 11, 2014 — 3:55 PM
warjna says:
I couldn’t choose one sentence only, so I chose the ones I thought most representative of my two main characters and my favorite surprise character:
Ari:“Alright, you sick bastard,” she said. “Let’s dance.”
There was something going on with her, too, something big, something that when he thought about it set his teeth on edge like biting into a piece of tinfoil.
“My family,” he said simply. “My friends. My House.”
November 11, 2014 — 3:22 AM
warjna says:
Beg pardon, let me try that again.
I couldn’t choose one sentence only, so I chose the ones I thought most representative of my two main characters and my favorite surprise character:
Ari: “Alright, you sick bastard,” she said. “Let’s dance.”
Ryder: There was something going on with her, too, something big, something that when he thought about it set his teeth on edge like biting into a piece of tinfoil.
Deimo: “My family,” he said simply. “My friends. My House.”
November 11, 2014 — 3:24 AM
Cari Hislop says:
This sounds great! I want to read the whole story! 🙂
November 11, 2014 — 3:51 AM
Cari Hislop says:
“The next time I start babbling about some beauty who’s making me stiff, remind me to visit a shrink for some electro shock therapy on my balls.”
I’ve been working on my first Contemporary romance (I normally write historicals). The hero (speaking above) is this self made Scotsman who has a tendency to rant, particularly on his failure to find a long term girlfriend (one who isn’t just there for his money). He makes me laugh.
November 11, 2014 — 4:40 AM
Jenni C says:
I love this! So happy to see some romance writers on here! I’m cozy mystery/romance and I like to see some of my own. I like him!
November 11, 2014 — 10:58 AM
jacki214 says:
Love the character already!
November 11, 2014 — 12:53 PM
wildbilbo says:
Howdy – I blogged a whole paragraph, but have only posted the one sentence here.
The Blog:
http://uncertaintales.wordpress.com/2014/11/11/wip-it-wip-it-good-share-some-of-your-work-in-progress/
The WIP sentence:
One-by-one, the black-market upgrades keeping Blade on the brink of survival sparked, sputtered, and shifted modes from stasis to revival.
Cheers
KT
November 11, 2014 — 5:12 AM
Swiglitz says:
The detective loomed over him, a monstrous shadow of violent intent.
November 11, 2014 — 5:52 AM
cook with liquor lady says:
Perfect!
November 12, 2014 — 10:05 AM
Giana says:
“It had been handwritten with care in dragon ink, red and invisible to the common eye, but shining with magic if one knew how to look. Faye felt the blood drain from her face.”
November 11, 2014 — 6:15 AM
Lisa F says:
I woke … naked … and seated on a throne.
November 11, 2014 — 9:10 AM
catemorgan says:
Okay, this one got me. WHAT HAPPENED THEN? o.O
November 11, 2014 — 10:15 AM
butchmcgovern says:
Hooked, now reel me in! Nicely done
November 11, 2014 — 7:22 PM
hccummings says:
“The draks surrounded him, forgetting about the minotaur and giving the potato-pusher the opportunity to flee with his cart of tubers.”
… what can I say? I laughed when I wrote it. My editors will probably make me change it. :p
November 11, 2014 — 9:24 AM
jacki214 says:
Ha Ha! I hope you get to keep it. 🙂
November 11, 2014 — 4:09 PM
holohalo says:
“And I gave what the bitch deserved all these time: an uppercut.”
November 11, 2014 — 9:36 AM
catemorgan says:
“It was a lovely day for a funeral.”
November 11, 2014 — 10:14 AM
Jenni C says:
Her conflicting emotions tore at each other like a cat fight in her soul.
November 11, 2014 — 10:42 AM
Becca says:
The jumbled script was done haphazardly; it’s form sloping to the right and in a hurried fashion. Aviara had a suspicion that Ember had forgotten about this exciting engagement earlier and remembered while running out the bedroom door.
November 11, 2014 — 1:55 PM
stephenseibert says:
“Cats play with their mice less than you,” Kay commented, finishing his second glass.
November 11, 2014 — 2:36 PM
sheilasstephens says:
“Go home now, and get your wife to the hospital before she drops your firstborn in the toilet!”
November 11, 2014 — 2:53 PM
judiebruce says:
Are we still playing?
“The procedure was approximately repeated with a small dagger and a handful of coins, which were cheerfully accepted, and something called a fork, which he scoffed at and tossed back into the water, calling it “worse than useless.”
November 11, 2014 — 3:40 PM
TMK says:
Yes, still playing. Love the sentence and the feel of it, but lose ‘approximately’ and to clarify you might try ‘along with something called a fork which he scoffed at and tossed back into the water, calling it ‘worse than useless’.
November 11, 2014 — 5:43 PM
Dita says:
We all know that it’s so that she doesn’t kill us in our sleep.
November 11, 2014 — 6:07 PM
Rio says:
“There is true evil in this world, Katya,” Irina said as she plunged her knife deep into the demon’s thigh.
November 11, 2014 — 6:30 PM
colinjkeats says:
The whole time I responded to the detective’s queries I was also watching Hieltjes go about his business; setting up the tripod flashes, taking pictures first of my father’s body, then my mother’s—both swaying gently above the gleaming red floor in the ambient breezes caused by the ceiling fan and the movement of numerous policemen—from front, back and side views, in closeup and wide-angle, and from all corners of the room.
November 11, 2014 — 6:48 PM
Joseph John says:
He pulled the trigger, and the dance was over.
November 11, 2014 — 7:39 PM
Sara Lerche Olesen says:
As it turned out, Owen had been a very bad boy, and carrying him through the coven house in a fireman’s hold, looking for a body dump disposal had yielded no clues. Burial somewhere in Central Park, was the next best thing.
November 11, 2014 — 8:04 PM
kakubjaya says:
“I wake up for this? This? For God and all His Prophets to line up to take turns shitting in my breakfast? This?” Malki picked a direction to be ‘up’ and implored the imagined heavens she blamed for her problems.
(I’m not sure that it’s just one sentence, but dialogue is tricky that way.)
November 11, 2014 — 8:15 PM
Promi says:
“…goograladitassobionoueditjoodtulagra…”
This counts as a sentence, right?
November 11, 2014 — 8:58 PM
Kate says:
“I’ve found that the combination of the candles and the music really calms people down, because let’s face it: if you’ve just died and you come through this crazy portal with some guy named Death who wears a full-length black robe and you have to go and sit in an uncomfortable chair in some waiting room so you can talk to this seventeen year-old girl about spending your eternity somewhere that you’ve never even imagined existing, you’re probably a little confused.”
Who cares if some call it a run-on sentence! I call it a stylistic choice *snaps in a sassy manner*
November 11, 2014 — 9:19 PM
D C Grant - Writer says:
From my NaNoWriMo WIP about the Battle of Hastings 1066:
I found Cerdic two paces away, a lance through his stomach, the look of surprise and pain etched on his dead face. At least he still had his head.
November 11, 2014 — 11:34 PM
storyteller5 says:
You’d have to be pretty fucking stupid to get left behind on a tour, so they probably figured I was hung over again, and in that, they’d be partially right.
November 12, 2014 — 1:51 AM
Mia Hopkins says:
Immature pink pomegranates hung on the nearby trees, looking to James not unlike shaven testicles.
November 12, 2014 — 4:36 AM