Hey, word-nerds.
Here’s what I want you to do, if you’re comfortable with it. Some of you are presently in the midst of writing or editing stories — in particular, a great heaping helping of you ARTFUL MOTHERFUCKERS are probably knee-deep in the word slurry of NaNoWriMo now — and so I think it’s time to share a little teeny tiny sliver of the work.
Just a taste.
An amuse-bouche.
*smacks lips*
Take a sentence from the work and post it in the comments below.
I’d say to choose a favorite sentence, but I don’t want to hem you in too much — also possible you’d choose a sentence you feel that you just can’t get quite right (and if you are seeking help with said sentence, feel free to ask for exactly that).
So, go, deposit a sentence below.
If, again, you’re comfortable.
*stares*
*smacks lips some more*
*drools*
Sarah Bewley says:
The goddamned swamp was on fire.
November 10, 2014 — 9:21 AM
Kem Royale says:
The whole swamp was ablaze like a three alarm fire.
November 10, 2014 — 10:15 AM
tedra says:
I love the harshness of it. I can picture a guy standing in his overralls with his dirty shirt underneath. I can picture him just lying down and ten minutes later smelling fire and thinking its his house, then running to the swamp. What he does next??? Oh my gosh. You have a great sentence here. I don’t think I created a mini story for anybody else ‘s…lol
November 10, 2014 — 1:16 PM
viciousimagery says:
He notices Anna has a manic look, and a fist raised in an inadvertent Black Power salute.
November 10, 2014 — 9:23 AM
viciousimagery says:
I should point out this is from a screenplay, hence the present tense prose!
November 10, 2014 — 11:00 AM
serendipitousmc says:
“He could take the smallest slice of life and turn it into an entire pie.”
From a YA science fiction novel, “Here Not here,” currently in its second year of NaNoWriMo.
November 10, 2014 — 9:23 AM
itsfamilyjules says:
Very nice!
November 10, 2014 — 9:35 AM
Maddison says:
Great line !
November 10, 2014 — 9:41 AM
Jenn Collins (@JennyKnox13) says:
That’s a great sentence. I’m reading East of Eden right now and that sentence totally summarizes how I’m feeling about that book. What a great description.
November 10, 2014 — 9:43 AM
Kem Royale says:
Awesome.
November 10, 2014 — 10:17 AM
serendipitousmc says:
Thank you, everyone, for your kind words. They made my day, and undoubtedly will make it easier to write tonight.
November 10, 2014 — 2:32 PM
Alice says:
When the liquid hit the bottom, it was clear, turned smoky, and then was the prettiest color of pearl pink Evelyn had ever scene.
November 10, 2014 — 9:23 AM
Mark Kappe says:
Er… seen?
November 10, 2014 — 10:19 AM
Kem Royale says:
At first the liquid was clear, then it turned smoky and radiated the prettist pearl pink color.
November 10, 2014 — 10:19 AM
Sophie Boyce says:
‘I went from dejected and dreading the weekend, to pale skinned terror at the thought this girl might be about to tell me she liked me.’
November 10, 2014 — 9:23 AM
tedra says:
November 10, 2014 — 1:19 PM
Natasha says:
I mostly just grabbed a random sentence.
“Mostly men and neuters these days, but my hope is that will change now that we’ve found you.”
This is from my current NaNo project, which is basically a novel of backstory on a character for my most precious (& thus terrifying) idea. I’m circling the idea.
November 10, 2014 — 9:24 AM
J.P. Sloan says:
By my word, if anything happens to that horse, I will have my fill of killing.
November 10, 2014 — 9:25 AM
itsfamilyjules says:
I like it, it bespeaks loyalty and a kind of formality and dignity. Makes me want to read more.
November 10, 2014 — 9:37 AM
J.P. Sloan says:
Ah good… that’s what I was shooting for. This WIP is set in the Nebraska territory circa 1875. I’m playing with a voicing of mixed elevated language and gutter-invective.
November 11, 2014 — 10:17 AM
Mark Kappe says:
Great line. Brings to mind a certain Cimmerian.
November 10, 2014 — 10:21 AM
Stephen Dunscombe (@cythraul) says:
Ooooh; such violent poetry.
November 10, 2014 — 12:08 PM
milkaholicclown says:
Nice
November 10, 2014 — 5:42 PM
Anthony says:
I awoke the next morning in my own bed with the taste of blood in my mouth.
November 10, 2014 — 9:26 AM
Delia (Postcards from Asia) says:
Mmm, interesting…
November 10, 2014 — 9:54 AM
mleighg says:
‘When she was finished, he was a mess of grated flesh, more viscera than epidermis.’
November 10, 2014 — 9:26 AM
Jenn Collins (@JennyKnox13) says:
My reaction? A simultaneous “ew” and “damn.” Well done.
November 10, 2014 — 9:41 AM
saucyruthie says:
oh. dear. lord. backing away slowly
(well done)
November 10, 2014 — 2:24 PM
Christopher Robin Negelein says:
The rocket blast singed my furry arms as the thundering behemoth below drowned out my nephew’s words, but his eyes said everything.
November 10, 2014 — 9:28 AM
Joseph Zieja says:
“Go galvanize yourself.”
November 10, 2014 — 9:28 AM
itsfamilyjules says:
I like it, the speaker sounds like a smart ass. OR it could be Sci-Fi. Either way 🙂
November 10, 2014 — 9:35 AM
Tatum Flynn says:
It’s a bit weird having a birthday party when you’re dead.
November 10, 2014 — 9:28 AM
Delia (Postcards from Asia) says:
Vampire story?
November 10, 2014 — 9:55 AM
sally suehler says:
direction of ‘Lovely Bones’?
November 10, 2014 — 10:29 AM
philipoverby says:
Dancing for pixies certainly cuts into our mutilating time.
November 10, 2014 — 9:29 AM
itsfamilyjules says:
Makes me want to read more!
November 10, 2014 — 9:40 AM
Southpaw says:
I love this!
November 10, 2014 — 10:48 AM
davidjmobrien says:
Then it ever so slowly curved downwards and dived, disappearing into the blackness of the lake as if it had never existed – probably dragging the chicken sandwich with it.
November 10, 2014 — 9:29 AM
Vicious Pen says:
He stood defiant in chains, head thrown back, blasting a roar of elemental rage like a storm as they pulled at him.
November 10, 2014 — 9:31 AM
Robert Grant says:
From the outside, being a Castle Guard had looked a soft job, an easy ride into retirement for an old soldier, but the gaudy uniform that went with it only fit where it touched and Malluc thought he looked like a pantomime dame, which would have been bad enough, had the coarse wool from which it was fashioned not made him sweat like a stuck pig and itch like a cheap whore.
November 10, 2014 — 9:32 AM
miraastar says:
“Kinda like a really amazing nuclear bomb that rains grilled cheese sandwiches.”
November 10, 2014 — 9:32 AM
Scott Roche says:
I want one of those!
November 10, 2014 — 9:45 AM
Stephen Dunscombe (@cythraul) says:
… There are so many books on the docket here that I want to read when they’re done. 😀
(I wonder if there’s an efficient way to tie the comments on this post to end products down the road?)
November 10, 2014 — 12:09 PM
hearts_longing says:
The grown-up version of Cloudy With a Chance of Meatballs?
November 10, 2014 — 12:33 PM
milkaholicclown says:
I would make my own grilled cheese, but it tastes better when you make it.
November 10, 2014 — 5:45 PM
Bethany K. Warner says:
“You solve this before then and don’t you dare you mention Elves in that press conference you’re holding.”
November 10, 2014 — 9:33 AM
milkaholicclown says:
cute!
November 10, 2014 — 5:44 PM
Curtis Edmonds (@Curtis_Edmonds) says:
“It’s called Coors–Dad says they used to sell it all over the country, back before the Depop.” (This from the kinda-sorta first chapter of a YA dystopian I am batting around like a dead mouse.)
November 10, 2014 — 9:33 AM
todddillard says:
I dreamed the clouds were ears, giant ears that swam over my neighborhood like manta rays and fed on secrets and screams.
November 10, 2014 — 9:33 AM
itsfamilyjules says:
Intriguing! As a person who routinely has bizarre dreams, I like this a lot. “Secrets and screams” is a great turn of phrase.
November 10, 2014 — 9:38 AM
Holly says:
<—-trying not to scream in fear. That's SCARY. I'm pretty sure Stephen King just set his coffee cup down and smiled at you.
November 10, 2014 — 9:49 AM
Delia (Postcards from Asia) says:
I like this. Something as benign as clouds turning into something menacing.
November 10, 2014 — 9:57 AM
Holly says:
Oops. Put my comment in the wrong place. That’s really scary stuff. I’m pretty sure Stephen King just set his coffee cup down and smiled at you.
November 10, 2014 — 10:01 AM
Jenni Cornell says:
Lovely imagery.
November 10, 2014 — 9:04 PM
Jadzia Nerys Tonks (@captainraz) says:
“At first Natima felt like she was floating in a void; a single consciousness in an empty universe. She idly wondered if this was how God had felt before Creation, and then she sternly told herself to focus on the job.”
Posting two because I’m a great big dirty cheat.
November 10, 2014 — 9:33 AM
itsfamilyjules says:
“Laughter bubbled from her like blood from a chest wound as the man waddled down the hallway as quickly as he could.”
From my main WiP “The Suicide Faerie”
November 10, 2014 — 9:33 AM
whimsyandmetaphor says:
OK, the sentence is pretty awesome, but that title is just amazing.
November 10, 2014 — 10:43 AM
itsfamilyjules says:
Thanks!
November 11, 2014 — 8:00 AM
Harley Brooks says:
When I whirled around, he almost body slammed me. “What, Jordan? More words of wisdom? Encouraging sentiments? Cue the violins. I’m done.”
November 10, 2014 — 9:35 AM
Karen A. Chase says:
Although his hands pushed the file across the rifle barrel clamped in the vice, his ears were attuned to the strain in his father’s voice.
November 10, 2014 — 9:36 AM
markbrandonpowell says:
Please, if you don’t mind, that ‘it’ you’re referring to is my brother meat-puppet.
November 10, 2014 — 9:38 AM
Megan says:
As far as Deanna was concerned, the biggest problem with the world was the number of people she wasn’t allowed to hit.
November 10, 2014 — 9:40 AM
Cynthia Lowman says:
Hey… you’re writing about me!
November 10, 2014 — 6:21 PM
Maddison says:
I was tired of being kissed goodnight by guilt and waking to the face of fear.
November 10, 2014 — 9:40 AM
Lisa Oliver says:
I really like that sentiment 🙂
November 10, 2014 — 5:20 PM
Jenn Collins (@JennyKnox13) says:
The second sentence of my NaNo WIP, “The Great Game.”
Her mother’s last day was a day full of celebration, of hope, of despair and agony, but of all the bright, vivid images of the day, of all the pungent smells and thunderous sounds, the thing Liatris remembered the most vividly about that day was finding her mother’s worn, leather boots resting by the door.
November 10, 2014 — 9:40 AM
Brandon O'Brien says:
“I want to believe myself to be serene, a buddha among men, impervious to heat and cold and the evils of man, but in reality I am no more buddha than I am a purple walrus.”
November 10, 2014 — 9:42 AM
Chas Newport says:
She finds the phrase ‘blood red’ ambiguous, she’s seen it in a hundred shades from scarlet to black.
November 10, 2014 — 9:42 AM
Cameron says:
This definitely makes me want to know more about her. Intriguing!
November 10, 2014 — 10:37 AM
Hugo Gnadeberg says:
Lizard fighting! They didn’t even have good, honest dogfights – or cocks for that matter – in this wretched city.
November 10, 2014 — 9:44 AM
Kelly Maher says:
Well, since your asking for only one sentence, here’s one from this morning’s session: “For a moment, Victoria thought she saw jungle and sand meeting ocean, but the image wavered before her eyes and was replaced by tract homes and uniformly manicured lawns.”
November 10, 2014 — 9:44 AM
Maggie Maxwell says:
Half of the girls with a break in their schedule are in the stands swooning over Ardent, and then there’s Kalie rooting me on in the front row, making what I guess are supposed to be walrus noises.
Gotta love a good best friend character.
November 10, 2014 — 9:45 AM
tedra says:
I do! That is funny!!
November 10, 2014 — 1:27 PM
Robert Jepson says:
In Mike’s dream state, images danced and swirled in his mind like diaphanous mists through a dark graveyard; slowly they transformed into bodies and then distorted faces until they crystalised into recognisable beings.
From ‘Ragged Heart’ , my first novel, in edit.
November 10, 2014 — 9:48 AM
John Bowler (@My140Chars) says:
“Welcome aboard the FDP Sam,” she patted a bulkhead comradely, “The finest but by no means largest or prettiest craft in the known worlds.”
November 10, 2014 — 9:49 AM
Delia (Postcards from Asia) says:
“And the body would be taken out, by that time only a husk, the life squeezed out of it, the skin stretched taut over the sharp bones poking through like they were ready to burst and pierce the flimsy covering containing them.”
How does that sound?
November 10, 2014 — 9:53 AM
Deb says:
“Annie- table 19’s ripe for a ‘eart attack an we got a good ‘our before-un morgue closes.”
“But Rosey, Ma says we ‘afta be back atta 8!”
“Then we got ‘iftteen to roll ‘im down and collect our bacon. Get ‘im movin’, I’ll swing this time, its a gonna take some force to stop ‘is ticker.”
“I sure an ‘ope ‘e ain’t left anded.”
November 10, 2014 — 9:53 AM
Mark Kappe says:
The story sounds interesting and I’m keen to know more, but if I’m going to have to read an entire novel of apostrophe-laden dialogue that takes me three times as long to process and understand, I’m quitting before chapter three.
November 10, 2014 — 10:38 AM
Deb says:
Yep, it would drive me crazy to write it that way too, but as it is more script than novel it was a way to introduce characters immediately. The rest is written normal. My attempt to convey a time, a place and the characters without undue exposition. Thanks, Mark for your interest and comments.
November 10, 2014 — 10:44 AM
Scott Roche says:
“Most political prisoners reside in Austin, it’s part prison, part ghetto.”
November 10, 2014 — 9:54 AM
Laura Scott (@Laura_A_Scott) says:
“I taught myself how to use the Exterminator, made my own energy weapon out of scraps, and even went toe to toe over morals with a galaxy eater of mass destruction…but this weapon…I can’t….it must be broken,” he said.
November 10, 2014 — 9:55 AM
Jenni Cornell says:
I love the conclusion.
November 10, 2014 — 9:12 PM
Cynthia Lowman says:
He was going to keep being useful, even with a missing foot.
November 10, 2014 — 9:56 AM
Leslie Nuccio says:
“Lyon hobbled down the round stone passageway, his loose robe bunched up in his shackled hands, his bare feet sinking into a cold carpet of foul mystery muck that squished between his toes.”
November 10, 2014 — 9:57 AM
Kem Royale says:
Wow!
November 10, 2014 — 10:29 AM
Dorothy Barrera-Weil says:
They seemed to work well together, as they moved in a kind of blue collar rhythm, as each car moved past them down the line.
November 10, 2014 — 9:58 AM
The Chimping Dandy says:
Even though she’d known Britt for most of her life, the sight of him completely naked, apart from some protective goggles and a pair of suspender socks, surrounded by over twenty women in various states of undress, whilst what looked some kind of small primate played a shanty on the harmonica in the corner was too much for her.
From the penultimate chapter of The Windspider Chronicles – Book1
November 10, 2014 — 10:00 AM
Aly says:
I wondered if it was some kind of code, like “no poisonous gas please” or “UV grenade this box as soon as it stops”.
November 10, 2014 — 10:01 AM
Nate Stilgoe says:
“It was a clear choice of attacking the Archangel or being eaten by my own crew,” I reply, trying to choose my words carefully.
Third book, still being hammered out. No title yet for this one.
November 10, 2014 — 10:01 AM
Scott A. Bullard (@writingbull) says:
“First things first, Talia. You’re not insane.”
First line from my WIP at NaNoWriMo. Check out the entire first scene here: http://nanowrimo.org/participants/ralosravenclaw/novels/crystal-heart-584630
November 10, 2014 — 10:01 AM
Kem Royale says:
Talia, first of all you’re not insane.
November 10, 2014 — 10:31 AM
lpstribling says:
At the back of the full bar on Cyberdeck II, Mina Brex was dressed to kill, though you wouldn’t know it by looking at her.
November 10, 2014 — 10:03 AM
Ravneet says:
Red dress, returned darling.
November 10, 2014 — 10:04 AM
John Saye says:
“My claws are pretty sharp. Let’s look you over.”
November 10, 2014 — 10:04 AM
leedunning says:
“I’d love nothing more than to banter with you, madam,” W’rath said, “but I fear we have a much worse issue to contend with than your imagined belief in my proclivity for random murder.”
November 10, 2014 — 10:06 AM