Last week’s challenge: Life Is Hell.
I love this challenge because it always generates some interesting results.
It’s easy in concept, difficult in execution:
Come up with a great opening line.
That’s it.
Take that line, and drop it into the comments below.
BUT WAIT.
As they say, THERE’S MORE.
This opening line must be one sentence long — no more than that. Anything longer and I will publicly laugh at your inability to stick to the barest-of-bones submission guidelines.
I’d suggest avoiding some very cliched openings — previous challenges have yielded three overwrought motifs in this particular challenge, those three being:
Blood.
A gun.
Someone about to die / someone already dead (future corpse / current corpse).
So, maybe avoid those things unless you really think you can nail it.
The trick to writing a great opening line is keeping it brief, and yet at the same time suggesting a great deal of potential — an opening line is equal parts promise and fish-hook stuck in the reader’s brain-meats. It should make us want to read the rest of the story. Or, even better, make us as writers want to write the rest of that story (and par usual, that will be the nature of next Friday’s challenge). Nailing the opening line is a Samurai move — it’s delivering a single sword blow to end the match.
There will be a prize.
I’ll pick three that I love. And those three will get the first as-yet-unreleased e-book copies of my newest writing book, 500 Ways To Write Harder. You’ll get the book in PDF, ePub, and Kindle formats, all DRM-free because, really, fuck DRM right in its digital sphincter.
You have one week to get your lines in the door. Due firmly by noon EST on April 18th. I will then pick winners over the next week thereafter. You are allowed one entry, no more. Additional entries disqualify you.
So.
One opening line.
Make it sharp.
Win a book.
Drop it in the comments.
Yobs says:
Illuminated in the last dim rays of a dying sun, our starship fell toward the ancient world below.
April 14, 2014 — 4:15 AM
Meg Preuss says:
You would think Armageddon would be more important than a cat with a broken paw or a phone call from the father you haven’t seen in five years – believe me, in the past I would have felt the same way but now that it’s happening to me, I find my priorities are somewhat confused.
April 14, 2014 — 4:33 AM
Jackie Keswick says:
Curled into a tight, tense ball, Ricky huddled into his blankets and tried to block out the sounds of pain and despair filtering through the thin walls from the neighbouring room.
April 14, 2014 — 4:41 AM
Alex Kyrikos says:
Brilliant !
April 14, 2014 — 4:55 AM
Silent_Dan says:
The minotaur lay decapitated in a pool of blood in the alley behind Irish Murphy’s.
April 14, 2014 — 5:03 AM
Decater Collins says:
Three years is a long time to be dead.
April 14, 2014 — 5:49 AM
Jim Franklin says:
“So, how much latent psychic energy is there in pudding?”
April 14, 2014 — 6:13 AM
Jules says:
My soul fell to the floor, a shriveled up corpse.
April 14, 2014 — 6:16 AM
Israel Grey says:
Hmm, I like the direction here, but want a little bit more to flesh out what is going on as part of the hook…Maybe a bit of description? “…the linoleum floor,…” or “…the carved stone floor,…”
April 14, 2014 — 3:52 PM
Heather Rose Walters says:
This makes me confused, because souls aren’t corpses. Did it fall ‘with’ your shriveled up corpse? Or do souls have corpses separate from the speaker’s body in this story? If so maybe “in it’s own shriveled up corpse” or something like that to suggest that to the reader?
April 15, 2014 — 7:59 PM
Rio says:
…It’s called a metaphor…
May 3, 2014 — 7:28 PM
Jackie Keswick says:
“That’s not the way to hold a knife!”
April 14, 2014 — 7:58 AM
Southpaw says:
Ha! makes me wonder what’s next. I’d totally read on.
April 17, 2014 — 8:27 PM
Nora says:
The first two things I felt upon waking were the live man’s hand and the dead man’s soul, not necessarily in that order.
April 14, 2014 — 9:39 AM
Jenny Knox (@JennyKnox13) says:
Fenton Bradbury had no idea that spent the last two years sitting mere feet from the most important invention in mankind’s history.
April 14, 2014 — 9:47 AM
Israel Grey says:
Oooh, what is it??? 🙂 Nice hook. add “he spent the last..”, and maybe think about a specific number of feet, instead of the vague ‘mere’. I get that ‘mere’ adds the element of it being little, but we can also grasp that from ‘feet’ and having it be exact makes the world feel like a concrete, real place “sitting seven and a half feet away from…” Just an idea.
April 14, 2014 — 3:50 PM
Simon B. says:
“Crap,” whispered Draglax, “that was my good loincloth.”
April 14, 2014 — 10:32 AM
Amber C. says:
Love this
April 14, 2014 — 1:30 PM
Andy says:
…YES.
April 17, 2014 — 12:08 PM
CML says:
“Clent considered bringing his shovel down on the back of Bill’s head as he struggled with the betarped body, but it been a difficult day and he really only had the energy to dig one shallow grave tonight.”
April 14, 2014 — 10:35 AM
CML says:
That’s missing a word and should read… “Clent considered bringing his shovel down on the back of Bill’s head as he struggled with the betarped body, but it had been a difficult day and he really only had the energy to dig one shallow grave tonight.”
April 14, 2014 — 12:29 PM
Gammelor Goodenow says:
Before my father died, I always thought the ancient safe in his office was empty, a mere stage prop.
April 14, 2014 — 11:18 AM
Israel Grey says:
I like it, but you should tweak the redundant feeling end. Only use one description instead of “empty, a mere stage prop.” It could just be “…was a mere stage prop” if that phrase plays into the story (any theatrical elements/themes?)… or “…was just a flashy place to display for bowling trophy” (maybe use the description to tell us a bit about who the father was?).
April 14, 2014 — 3:45 PM
Gammelor Goodenow says:
Thanks for the critique. I agree. Want to send me a pruning hook? (See, I’m trying to avoid my usual wordiness.)
April 19, 2014 — 12:07 PM
MisterDrow says:
There’s nothing like being jarred awake by the smell of burning bacon.
(I really shouldn’t do these when I’m hungry)
April 14, 2014 — 11:26 AM
Southpaw says:
This sounds like a horror story! I’d read on.
April 17, 2014 — 8:30 PM
Karen F. says:
Delaney Flynn had always believed wakes were a genealogist’s dream, and if it hadn’t been for her beloved Uncle Danny lying in the closed casket, the evening would have been downright festive.
April 14, 2014 — 12:39 PM
gregmulka says:
The dust that was Mareth flowed between Kaida’s fingers.
April 14, 2014 — 1:00 PM
Courtney Cantrell says:
Not one damn parenting book told Jack what to do when your six-month-old baby girl developed fangs and a taste for blood.
April 14, 2014 — 1:01 PM
Laura Roberts says:
A cock ring is a funny thing – particularly when it’s not being used according to package instructions.
April 14, 2014 — 1:18 PM
Michelle says:
This DEFINITELY made me wonder about how it WAS being used.
April 15, 2014 — 10:04 PM
Josh Kilen says:
Jamison’s mouth watered as the waffle cone, filled to the brim with rusted nails and thumbtacks, hovered in front of his face.
April 14, 2014 — 1:39 PM
Kitty Chandler says:
It was Friday the 13th, and the third full moon on the night before Halloween, and we all felt the timestream was overdoing it on the drama.
April 14, 2014 — 2:18 PM
Irena says:
Love it! I’d read on 🙂
April 27, 2014 — 7:46 AM
Allison Forsythe says:
I fed some ducks at your funeral.
April 14, 2014 — 2:42 PM
fadedglories says:
I think that’s a terrific opener. it could lead to sad, scary or funny events so i’d just have to read on!
April 16, 2014 — 3:18 AM
Allison Forsythe says:
Thank you. 🙂
April 17, 2014 — 7:38 PM
Norma Parfitt says:
Gonna try and write the story of your opener now, as per Chuck’s instructions.
April 19, 2014 — 2:13 PM
Andy says:
Awesome!
April 17, 2014 — 12:09 PM
Allison Forsythe says:
Phew! Thanks! 🙂
April 17, 2014 — 7:38 PM
Southpaw says:
Really great. It could go so many ways.
April 17, 2014 — 8:32 PM
Allison Forsythe says:
Thanks. 😉
April 18, 2014 — 10:04 PM
Norma Parfitt says:
Hi Allison Here’s my effort on your opening line
http://nanowrimoroman.blogspot.co.uk/?zx=5701beda004f8e0f
April 23, 2014 — 3:09 AM
Israel Grey says:
Until the sirens blared, Polari was the safest town in the Dark End.
April 14, 2014 — 3:33 PM
Griffin Stiles says:
Sounds like there’s already a story here or I would use it for the flash fiction contest. I hope it’s a story, at any rate. It would be a great opener.
April 22, 2014 — 2:26 AM
Elsie Venegas Ibarra (@realariadnechan) says:
“Time stretches around them that were their secret – They know you not for a day, but for a century or two.”
April 14, 2014 — 3:51 PM
Noel says:
Helena tore off the Shadow’s mask to reveal a man whose face bore the innocent, woeful expression of a Volkswagen bus.
April 14, 2014 — 4:36 PM
Justin Gio says:
As I stared at the gravel in my shredded palms, I paused to decide whether I should run or stick around and explain this to the cops.
April 14, 2014 — 5:06 PM
Michelle says:
Definitely makes me wonder what s/he did. Nice!
April 15, 2014 — 10:05 PM
Sofia says:
It was one wintry Sunday night when Danny decided to leave.
April 14, 2014 — 5:27 PM
Doreen Queen says:
Love this!
April 14, 2014 — 6:53 PM
Sofia says:
Thank you, ^_^
April 15, 2014 — 2:03 AM
Monica Postma says:
A vampire prince is playing my little sister.
April 14, 2014 — 8:21 PM
Wendy Christopher says:
Hehee – three scenarios came to mind with this one:
1) – Your little sister’s vampire-prince boyfriend is a lying, cheating scumbag.
2) – You’re staging a play about your life, and a vampire prince has landed the role of your sister.
3) – Your little sister is in fact a guitar – and you, perhaps, are the keyboards…
Whichever comes closest to the truth, I love it 🙂
April 15, 2014 — 7:56 AM
Justin Peniston says:
I was considering writing this one…but your reply has given me ideas, too…and that feels like cheating now.
April 19, 2014 — 7:20 PM
Jason Heitkamper says:
The lightning belonged to a squat Somali man who clearly knew how to use it.
April 14, 2014 — 9:14 PM
aryquin says:
When John woke up to his dog dropping a bone on his head, he used to just grumble and throw it off the bed – at least, he did until he moved into the house next to the cemetary.
April 14, 2014 — 9:26 PM
Tammy L. Murray says:
Made me LOL! Love it!
April 16, 2014 — 12:41 PM
Irena says:
This made me laugh so hard :’)
April 27, 2014 — 7:48 AM
jennyritz says:
I stared, half-smiling, as the frazzled Jehovah’s Witness splayed his Bible open against the wind that rushed through my front porch.
April 14, 2014 — 9:38 PM
Benjamin J. Kirby says:
In his desolation, the bare, blank page was set before him, and all that was left was to look beyond the pale ghosts of his failures and the dark gray specter of doubt sitting across the table as he caught his breath and begged the golden black words to come once more.
April 14, 2014 — 10:20 PM
chelsea says:
It wasn’t the foulest-smelling tavern Viola had ever entered, but it was certainly in the running for second foulest.
April 14, 2014 — 10:29 PM
Jason Crampton says:
Parker Valentine didn’t believe in ghosts — but as the yellow, 1976 Gremlin cut a path through the night on Highway 101, she was unknowingly being carried toward the place that would change her mind.
April 14, 2014 — 10:46 PM
georgekaltsios says:
Try as he might, the Postman could not stop looking through the keyhole.
April 15, 2014 — 1:04 AM
Heather Rose Walters says:
I LOVE this, but it needs clarification on whether it is one particular keyhole he sees every day, or if he’s just a peeping tom. I know opening sentences need to inspire questions, but I think this would be stronger if that detail was clarified.
April 15, 2014 — 7:57 PM
georgekaltsios says:
I see what you mean. I didn’t think about it until now. The intention was for it to be a specific keyhole, but now I kinda like it being open. Thanks for the comment. Criticism is always welcome.
September 12, 2014 — 5:14 AM
Jon Stoffel says:
Great!
April 16, 2014 — 2:32 AM
shagun1593 says:
“Blood flowed freely from his mouth like a waterfall and as he died, she felt a new lease of life in her”
April 15, 2014 — 5:51 AM
Harald Hagen says:
They say, o they say, that naught holds the power to create or destroy and many are they who say it, but never have they called in voices still or quivering a name as old as chaos–a name that is my name.
April 15, 2014 — 8:36 AM
Irena says:
That’s great! I would love to read the story behind it.
April 27, 2014 — 7:50 AM
Catastrophe Jones says:
Set free, she ran straight for the fires on the horizon, his bittersweet name held in her teeth, hands reaching, as though she could reach him, span the distance from her heart to his with outstretched fingers.
April 15, 2014 — 10:23 AM
Kait says:
I should have known he was a succubus, when I woke in the tangled pile of coats, but I blamed it on the open bar.
April 15, 2014 — 11:47 AM
Priority says:
A succubus looks female. It’s the incubus that looks like a male.
April 15, 2014 — 7:04 PM
Kait says:
Thanks. I thought both were of both genders and the difference was in regard to the energy obtained. It *was* just a sentence I liked, but it’s fun. Have to run with it.
April 15, 2014 — 9:23 PM
Jon Stoffel says:
I actually think this makes the story even more intriguing. A female demon posing as a dude? Tell me more!
April 16, 2014 — 2:29 AM
Kait says:
Thank’s Jon, you raise some hilarious possibilities. And here I thought the best man was metrosexual. 🙂
April 18, 2014 — 2:06 AM
Pavowski says:
When the walls around here begin talking, I will have, at long last, time to rest.
April 15, 2014 — 11:53 AM
Jon Stoffel says:
Had this been the first time an outsider crept into my mind, I might have lost it.
April 15, 2014 — 1:07 PM
Moya says:
Elegant!
April 15, 2014 — 1:13 PM
Jon Stoffel says:
Thanks 🙂
April 16, 2014 — 2:24 AM
Camra says:
It was that strange sort of dark outside.
April 15, 2014 — 3:16 PM
SAM says:
Yours has inspired me. Linking up when it’s finished.
April 21, 2014 — 1:24 PM
SAM says:
Here you go! Thanks for the inspiration! http://frommywriteside.wordpress.com/2014/04/25/bad-moon-rising/
April 25, 2014 — 1:54 PM
ian says:
Earth turned beneath Station 9, bringing benighted Africa, pitch black, and Europe, glowing with the embers of city sized pyres, into view.
April 15, 2014 — 5:55 PM
murgatroid98 says:
Wow, looks like something awful has happened. I’d like to know more.
April 19, 2014 — 10:46 AM
Rebecca Douglass says:
“Oops.”
I couldn’t resist!
April 15, 2014 — 7:48 PM
Heather Rose Walters says:
“Kate hadn’t always been a thief.”
April 15, 2014 — 7:56 PM
Tammy L. Murray says:
I like! 🙂 I’d read on.
April 16, 2014 — 12:45 PM
Heather Rose Walters says:
Thank you!! 🙂
April 17, 2014 — 2:38 PM
Gilbert says:
Thoughts were flying through his mind, just like the fireflies that were flying by the window on his journey back to Capital Federal.
April 15, 2014 — 8:27 PM
kuronai48 says:
Cybernetics proved nothing because they created copies of the original, something that would take millennia to replicate.
April 15, 2014 — 8:47 PM
Mark A. Sargent says:
Archie pulled the drawer from the morgue freezer and, with one of those unsettling yet brightly welcoming smiles I’d never gotten used to, said “Welcome back, Spencer.”
April 15, 2014 — 9:11 PM
fadedglories says:
An effective start, definitely. I would drop the ‘yet’ tho’.
April 16, 2014 — 3:25 AM
Mark A. Sargent says:
You think so? I thought it highlighted the contrast between unsettling and cheerful. I can see where a comma could work though.
April 16, 2014 — 7:58 PM