The other day, in my “self-publishing truism bingo” post, I said:
‘I can literally write the word “fart” 100,000 times and slap [on] a cover of baboon urinating into his own mouth, then upload that cool motherfucker right to Amazon. Nobody would stop me. Whereas, at the Kept Gates, a dozen editors and agents would slap my Baboon Fart Story to the ground like an errant badminton birdie.’
That book, Baboon Fart Story, now exists on Amazon.
Cover and text descriptors remain accurate.
I am not the person who posted it, nor did I know it was a thing. It was created by a psychologist who goes by the name “Phronk,” which I think is also the sound our taco terrier makes when she’s snoring. It now has 24 reviews. Which is more than some of my books have.
I am sorry and you are also welcome.
[EDIT: 9:48AM, EST]
It would seem as if the sweet ride that was BABOON FART STORY is over, 24 hours after it began. The link is dead. The dream has died. (More seriously: I don’t know if THAT SURLY GATEKEEPER KNOWN AS “AMAZON” removed it or if the author did or what, but for now, ’tis gone.
*viking funeral for baboons and farts*
Jane says:
The Amazon entry, complete with reviews, is the funniest thing I’ve ever read. Thanks for this!
February 18, 2014 — 7:04 AM
Amy Sterling Casil says:
http://www.policymic.com/articles/26708/10-best-snarky-amazon-product-reviews It’s joining all these classics. Some are actually for sale, others not.
February 18, 2014 — 7:38 AM
Alex Edwards says:
If this thing becomes the e-book equivalent of 50 Shades of Grey, where a metric fuck-tonne of people buy it purely through the power of word of mouth, then I look forwards to seeing the mainstream media cover this. And the reviews. Oh sweet Rainbow-farting Buddha those reviews.
February 18, 2014 — 7:39 AM
terribleminds says:
Well, if it gets that big, I hope I get my cut. I’ll spend that sweet BABOON FART STORY money all over the place.
February 18, 2014 — 7:40 AM
KVeldman says:
Chuck, you sick bastard, what have you done?!?
February 18, 2014 — 7:48 AM
terribleminds says:
It wasn’t me! I mean, I guess I am the Muse for the idea.
*poses like your French girls*
February 18, 2014 — 7:51 AM
KVeldman says:
Yeah, these reviews are pretty incredible.
February 18, 2014 — 7:55 AM
Cat York says:
I think you should get a cut. That’s just me.
February 18, 2014 — 7:56 AM
Cat York says:
Ha! Yes, the reviews are awesome.
February 18, 2014 — 7:59 AM
Heather says:
Well, someone likes you and your ideas – could be scary !
February 18, 2014 — 8:10 AM
Wendy Christopher says:
“Babboon Fart Story” – starring Chuck Wendig as Dr. Fankenstein. 😉
“It’s aliiiiiiive!! It’s aliiiive!!”
February 18, 2014 — 8:11 AM
RavenBlackburn says:
You mean as Dr. Fartenstein. 😛
February 18, 2014 — 8:18 AM
Mahfey says:
Good shout – top notch!
Just got the first UK review in… Let’s make it a trans-Atlantic bestseller!!! Looking forward the The Times Literary Supplement Review.
February 18, 2014 — 8:33 AM
Therin Knite says:
I love that there’s a review titled “It’s Just That It Reads Like It Needed a Gatekeeper.” This is so priceless.
February 18, 2014 — 8:34 AM
Doug Daniel says:
I don’t know whether to giggle insanely or be depressed.
I do have to quote one review, though–
“On the upside, even though it is not the new Dan Brown book, it is a little better than Dan Brown’s last book.”
Love it.
February 18, 2014 — 8:54 AM
terribleminds says:
I should note that if you look in the book (via sample or via purchase), the book appears to be actually formatted like a story, despite containing only that one word: “Fart.”
February 18, 2014 — 8:59 AM
Laura W. says:
Fart, fart. Fart fart fart, fart farrrrrt.
“Fart?” fart fart.
“Fart fart,” fart fart fart fart.
Does it use “farted” and “farts” and such as well, or is it literally just the word fart? And is there any attempt at things like “f-f-f–f—AAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRT” or what?
I predict that in 20 years, Baboon Fart Story will come to be hailed as an ironic commentary on how today’s art is f’ed up.
February 22, 2014 — 2:51 PM
Matthew MacNish says:
I wonder how long Amazon will allow it to remain, since they’re removing some things now. But anyway, I really hope you get your cut. You could at least buy some tacos.
February 18, 2014 — 9:03 AM
pmillhouse says:
I found the formatting top notch in the sample I downloaded. While I didn’t leave a review (yet) I gotta say, like I’ve said before, Chuck Wendig, you seriously ROCK!!
Oh, the courage!!
February 18, 2014 — 9:04 AM
Michael Berkey says:
I hope somebody has already optioned this for a movie. I can see the ad campaign already: Tom Cruise, 2016: Taste The Fart. *dubstep bass-dropping sound*
February 18, 2014 — 9:16 AM
terribleminds says:
And I believe that BABOON FART STORY has been removed from Amazon by, one assumes, Amazon.
If that is the case — and the author did not choose to remove it — THEN AMAZON IS A GATEKEEPER OH HOLY SHIT NO *sharpens knives*
February 18, 2014 — 9:41 AM
Andy says:
Not too loud! They’re going to figure out who ratted them out!
February 18, 2014 — 9:50 AM
Mark says:
But the reviews live on!
February 18, 2014 — 9:48 AM
Mark says:
Bummer, the reviews have disappeared too. There were accessible for awhile after the book disappeared.
February 18, 2014 — 12:22 PM
allisonmdickson says:
RIP sweet Baboon Farts. Amazon doth become gatekeeper. :'(
February 18, 2014 — 9:50 AM
Marie A says:
It’s gone! I am sorely disappointed. Those posing French girls are probably saying the same thing.
February 18, 2014 — 9:51 AM
Terri says:
Man, go to bed on top of the world, wake up to find dreams dashed. *shakes fist at judgy judges all judgmentally judging in the judges’ chambers at Amazon*
Seriously (no, I mean it, seriously,) this was also a testament to the power of social media and all that cwap. This flash mob formed up around a blog post. Somebody took the dare, and it was off to the races. And then somebody called the cops.
Until next time Internet . . . *fades to black*
February 18, 2014 — 9:57 AM
mckkenzie says:
Argh! They took it down before I could see it! God damned gate keeping censors!! I want my first amendment rights! Help! I’m bein’ oppressed!! 😉
February 18, 2014 — 10:29 AM
Mahfey says:
Next stop Smashwords?
February 18, 2014 — 10:36 AM
Kay Camden says:
I still have it open. I made some screen captures for those who missed it.
http://kaycamden.com/2014/02/18/baboon-fart-story-screen-captures/
February 18, 2014 — 10:53 AM
Rebecca Douglass says:
Thanks, Kay! We West Coaster appreciate that!
February 18, 2014 — 11:02 AM
mckkenzie says:
And thank you so very much!!
“How much incentive do you need to squeeze Amazon’s flaccid teats and spray Phronk with the aromatic milk of success?”
Oh my god…tears…hysteria. I may never recover from reading this sentence.
February 18, 2014 — 11:02 AM
Kay Camden says:
You’re both very welcome. 🙂
I initially did it for selfish reasons, but then I thought why not post it and share? lol
February 18, 2014 — 11:06 AM
sknicholls says:
Thank You, Kay, for your brilliance in capturing the moment. You have made possible for me what is truly a most remarkable moment in time.I feel honored to have shared in this experience with such artistic wordsmiths and creative comrades.
February 18, 2014 — 12:39 PM
Phronk says:
I wrote Baboon Fart Story. Sorry everyone.
For the record, here’s some information:
– I sold 21 copies in the U.S. store before it went down. I shall pay Chuck his cut in royalties from buying all his books. 🙂
– Apparently 21 copies is enough to be #9 in Books > Literature & Fiction > History & Criticism > Books & Reading > General. Which is probably what got it some attention outside of our little circles. Which lead to …
– The email I got after Amazon took it down: “We’re writing to let you know that readers have reported a poor customer experience when reading the following book: Baboon Fart Story: An experiment inspired by Chuck Wending. As a result, we have removed the book from the Kindle Store. Indicators of poor customer experience are surfaced through a variety of methods, such as customer refunds, customer reviews/star ratings and direct customer feedback. Per our KDP Content Guidelines, we reserve the right to determine whether content provides an acceptable experience for customers.”
Dang gatekeepers! 😉
If one were to take this at all seriously, it could say a lot that Amazon did take it down. There are still SOME quality controls (or alternately, barriers) in self publishing, especially given that Amazon is the primary market for most self publishers.
I will make sure Baboon Fart Story lives on somewhere else though. There are other options. That’s the real beauty and horror of this whole new world of writing and publishing.
February 18, 2014 — 11:23 AM
mckkenzie says:
21 copies is nothing to be ashamed of. You have to keep trying. Keep writing what speaks to your soul. Just because Baboon didn’t make it doesn’t mean your next book won’t be a best seller. Think of the possibilities — Lemur Fart Story, Ferret Fart Story. Dare I suggest you think outside the mammal box and go for Penguin Fart Story? Or perhaps it’s time for you to progress a bit and write something a bit more solid? The point is, you can do this! Good luck!
February 18, 2014 — 11:35 AM
Josette Blade says:
Sorry to be a party pooper but what’s funny about this? This is the kind of crap that made you stop interviewing self-pubbers/author-publishers as mentioned in your Slushy Gut Slog. Thanks for boosting his ratings guys ‘n gals. That’ll really help the author-publishers who do work hard to put out quality work. Boo, Chuck. Boo. Will you give Phronk a Ten Questions day?
February 18, 2014 — 12:23 PM
matt smith (@heymattsmith) says:
I’m going to start a Kickstarter to option the rights for Penguin Fart Story from mckkenzie. Hoping to line up Dane Cook for the Audible version.
February 18, 2014 — 12:47 PM
sknicholls says:
Sad…sort of makes me feel my own hard work is rather insignificant in the greater scope of things.
February 18, 2014 — 12:50 PM
MK says:
This story has a lot of potential with the gatekeepers, I think.
Next stop, Baboon Fart from Little, Brown.
A Baboon Fart, brought to you by Penguin.
Baboon Fart Storytelling for Dummies
Daily Meditations on Baboon Farts, a Personal Journal
Who Moved My Baboon Fart?
I see movie rights, an app, instructional YouTube videos: the possibilities are truly infinite (especially if you can launch a scifi series set in deep space).
February 18, 2014 — 3:11 PM
The Baroness says:
How very meta…
http://www.dailydot.com/business/baboon-fart-story-chuck-wendig-amazon-self-publishing/
All I can think of is the end of the movie Idiocracy, where Joe says “There was a time when…People wrote books and movies. Movies with stories, that made you care about whose ass it was and why it was farting. And I believe that time can come again! “
February 18, 2014 — 3:46 PM
Wendy Christopher says:
We are now all part of a history-making moment in web-i-ness… 😉
I shall tell my future grandchildren about this and be proud to say “I was there.. well, not ACTUALLY there – it was VIRTUAL, okay? And back in 2014 that was PRACTICALLY THE SAME THING..!”
Gonna get my moments of Photobombing fame where I can…
February 18, 2014 — 5:19 PM
Samantha says:
Let me get this right – you don’t have to knock your brains out trying to write something like, I don’t know, a good story. All you have to do is say fuck a thousand times and you’ve got yourself a block buster with movie rights and more money in the bank than you know what to do with. I get the feeling I’ve gone down the rabbit hole. Chuck, didn’t you write a scathing blog about irresonsible writing. Yes you did ’cause I hung my head in shame as I slithered away vowing to be a better person and do my honest to goodness best to be an upright, forthright, downright better writer. I will drink my milk, I will do my pushups, and I will making the writing community proud of me. Well now, I had no idea that all it took was the ability to write fuck, piss and shit repeatedly – I could have done that! After all the lip service about the ethics of writing, what everyone really wants is purple prose and plenty of it. How dare Amazon take down what has swifty become everybody’s favorite book. Kudos to the author, and Chuck I hope you make a fortune from your cut. I can hardly wait for the movie!
February 18, 2014 — 8:13 PM
MK says:
there are many paths to success. Personally, I wouldn’t write the word fart over and over and call it a book–but that’s just because my ‘f’ key is broken, so I’d accidentally end up writing art.
February 18, 2014 — 9:46 PM
Doug Daniel says:
I should have bought it when I had the chance…phooey.
“…poor customer experience…”- horse-puckies.
February 18, 2014 — 11:45 PM
Rebecca Douglass says:
I am actually dubious that Amazon got complaints from customers who bought this. The blurb was 100% clear what it was, and I assume that purchasers knew exactly what they were buying and why. I think Amazon didn’t like being mocked.
February 19, 2014 — 11:52 AM
Janie Watson says:
I suspect a certain self-publishing author turned evangelist called Bezos personally because, let’s face it, the book was really mocking the author’s recent and highly publicized breathless claims about self-publishing.
And even more so than Amazon, The Wooly One doth not like being mocked.
February 20, 2014 — 12:23 PM