{"id":8743,"date":"2011-05-05T00:01:03","date_gmt":"2011-05-05T04:01:03","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/terribleminds.com\/ramble\/?p=8743"},"modified":"2011-05-15T07:56:18","modified_gmt":"2011-05-15T11:56:18","slug":"in-which-i-pretend-you-give-a-rats-ass-about-what-im-up-to","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/terribleminds.com\/ramble\/2011\/05\/05\/in-which-i-pretend-you-give-a-rats-ass-about-what-im-up-to\/","title":{"rendered":"In Which I Pretend You Give A Rat’s Ass About What I’m Up To"},"content":{"rendered":"

Sometimes I hate to do these cursory updates, because it assumes you can actually muster a fuck as to what I’m up to. Hell, I don’t blame you for not caring. I’m not sure I<\/em> care all that much, and it’s me we’re talking about. Really, I’m kind of boring. It’s like, “Hey, Chuck, what are you doing?”<\/p>\n

“Oh. Well. The usual.”<\/p>\n

“Does that mean…?”<\/p>\n

“Mm-hmm. Sitting here, scraping lint out of my belly button with a pistachio shell. Drinking gin out of a dirty pencil cup. Making things up inside my mind and then writing them down.”<\/p>\n

“The sexy life of a writer.”<\/p>\n

“The sexy life of a writer, indeed<\/em>.”<\/p>\n

*scrape scrape*<\/p>\n

Let me ask up front: do you like these updates? Do you read them? Feel free to answer honestly (though, also, tactfully — please no, “Dear Shitbeard, I don’t give two rats fucking in a jizz-lacquered gym-sock whether or not you update us as to what’s going on in your life. Love, The Internet”). For now, however, I am left to rely on my ego to get me through the writing of this post. Hence: please enjoy the stuff I am doing.<\/p>\n

Monsters With Uncertain Bowel Habits<\/h3>\n

It’s been, mmm, let’s see, two weeks since I said, “Hey, errrr<\/em>body, I’d like to pick up some more sweet sales of Irregular Creatures<\/strong> because it is a short story collection that features flying cats and hell-vaginas and it’ll make you laugh and it’ll make you cry and also I need to buy some more coffee soon so DEAR GOD PLEASE HELP ME.” I said I’d like to get another 400 sales and I also<\/em> said I’d update you crazy kittens as to how that plan is doing. And so here I am. Update in hand.<\/p>\n

Well, in two weeks time I’ve sold 76 copies, which is nice. Especially since the previous two weeks saw only about 20 copies sold. So, 76 out of 400 means I’m…\u00a0 *counts on fingers, toes, nipples, nosehairs* just about 20% of the way toward my goal. That’s lovely, and thanks all for helping spread the word. Cat-Bird and the Magical Hobo Hermaphrodite thank you, too.<\/p>\n

I must also thank Fred Hicks, who shouted out to Irregular Creatures<\/strong> over at Jim Butcher’s bloggery-space<\/strong><\/span><\/a>, and I’ve zero doubt that this shout-out also helped contribute to sales.<\/p>\n

If you wish to procure Irregular Creatures<\/strong> directly through me, you can buy via THIS LINK<\/strong><\/span><\/a> via PayPal.<\/p>\n

If you want it through Amazon (US), THIS LINK<\/strong><\/span><\/a> is your best friend.<\/p>\n

If you’re across the pond, Amazon (UK) offers you THIS LINK<\/strong><\/span><\/a> right here, mate.<\/p>\n

Thanks, too, for the many who’ve left amazing reviews on Amazon and Goodreads.<\/p>\n

Where You Can Find Me<\/h3>\n

I’ve now contributed nine articles to The Escapist, with, I believe, a tenth on the way. You can find all my articles here<\/strong><\/span><\/a>, but were you inclined to see what I’ve been doing there recently<\/em>, you might wanna check out:<\/p>\n

First: How Games Get Zombies Wrong<\/strong><\/span><\/a>. A little ditty about how video games don’t quite grok the narrative potency of the zombie sub-genre, of which I am notably a fan.<\/p>\n

Second: Evolution, Not Deviation<\/strong><\/span><\/a>. In which I discuss how when doing a sequel, it’s easy to do “more of the same,” but on the other hand, it’s dangerous to do different.<\/p>\n

Speakazombies, a casual reminder that you can pre-order Double Dead from Amazon (Pre-Order US<\/strong><\/span><\/a> or Pre-Order UK<\/strong><\/span><\/a>). Described by me as, “A vampire in zombieland.”<\/p>\n

Hey! Look. <\/a>The Forsaken Chronicler’s Guide<\/strong><\/a> is out.<\/p>\n

Human Tales<\/strong><\/span><\/a> is out. I’ve a short story in it!<\/p>\n

What I’m Working On At Present<\/h3>\n

I’m working on a new novel while I wait for Double Dead <\/strong>edits. The new novel — CODENAME: SHUCK RAT<\/strong> — is coming along nicely. Too nicely. That’s how crazy we writers are — it’s going so well, I’m worried. “Why am I enjoying this? This feels so right. It’s not supposed to be right. Where’s my fear? Where’s my gut-churning acid-burn? Why isn’t my heart in my throat? Nurse. Nurse!”<\/p>\n

I’ve got a cover coming in for Confessions of a Freelance Penmonkey<\/strong> as I finalize edits and add my own “director’s commentary” to the book. It’s a biggun. It’ll top 100k when all is said and done. Chocablock with writing advice and whatnottery. I’m loosely soliciting quotes from folks if anybody feels like blurbing the pants off this monkey motherfucker. Gimme a shout.<\/p>\n

Got some film and new media projects bubbling on the stove.<\/p>\n

Also will soon be open for summer work. You need a penmonkey, please do not hesitate to contact me. I work clean, fast, and friendly. Plus, I’m having a baby soon. Don’t make me shake him at you.<\/p>\n

The baby is the other thing we’re working on. We now are loaded to bear with baby shower gifts. And something called a “diaper cake.” Which is not a delicious cake made of diapers. I mean, okay, fine, it’s adorable<\/em>, but totally inedible. I know. I tried gumming that thing for hours. All it did was soak up every drop of saliva in my body. Absorbency, man. Absorbency.<\/p>\n

Things I’m Enjoying<\/h3>\n

Almost through with Robert McCammon’s THE FIVE<\/strong><\/span><\/a>, which is an incredible psycho-horror rock opera as a band is hunted by a sniper. Totally different than anything McCammon has done.<\/p>\n

Laughing at two new sitcoms: Workaholics <\/strong>on Comedy Central and Happy Endings<\/strong> on ABC.<\/p>\n

Digging the new Beastie Boys<\/strong> album.<\/p>\n

Portal 2<\/strong> was crazy good.<\/p>\n

Dragon Age 2<\/strong> was crazy good, but in a different way.<\/p>\n

And I think that’s all she wrote.<\/p>\n

Beard the fuck on, friends.<\/p>\n

Go forth and suck unicorn.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Let me ask up front: do you like these updates? Do you read them? Feel free to answer honestly (though, also, tactfully — please no, “Dear Shitbeard, I don’t give two rats fucking in a jizz-lacquered gym-sock whether or not you update us as to what’s going on in your life. Love, The Internet”).<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[16],"class_list":{"0":"post-8743","1":"post","2":"type-post","3":"status-publish","4":"format-standard","5":"hentry","6":"category-theramble","7":"tag-news","9":"no-featured-image"},"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/pv7MR-2h1","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_likes_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/terribleminds.com\/ramble\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/8743","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/terribleminds.com\/ramble\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/terribleminds.com\/ramble\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/terribleminds.com\/ramble\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/terribleminds.com\/ramble\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=8743"}],"version-history":[{"count":6,"href":"https:\/\/terribleminds.com\/ramble\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/8743\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":8748,"href":"https:\/\/terribleminds.com\/ramble\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/8743\/revisions\/8748"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/terribleminds.com\/ramble\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=8743"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/terribleminds.com\/ramble\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=8743"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/terribleminds.com\/ramble\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=8743"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}